Empathy Chapter Three: Deep Thoughts
Empathy: Chapter Three
Deep Thoughts
A Final Fantasy 7 Fanfic by Hika-chan
Vincent sat at the side of the bed, he had come in the day before, replacing Elmyra, to watch over their red-headed companion. The white sheet was pulled up to her shoulders, and she had bandages around her arm and upper torso. Sephiroth's sword had made it impossible for magic and potions to work on her wounds, and so they took her to Kalm, where Aeris' adoptive mother could watch over her.
It had been two weeks since she went unconcious, not long after Aeris' death. Before she passed out Vincent had felt her emotions change. He didn't know if she meant to project her them or not, but he felt that all too familiar descent into hopelessness. Since that time a lot had happened, they had to continued up the mountain, despite their loses. Unfortunately Sephiroth took over Cloud again, he handed the black Materia to the real Sephiroth, and released the WEAPONs as a result. Tifa was captured and taken to Junon where the others rescued her and obtained the Highwind. Now their dilemma was not only Ralena's health, but Cloud's absence.
As soon as he had come in the room he knew why Elmyra had wanted, but not wanted, to leave. Without conscious control of her powers Ralena seemed to broadcast everything she was experiencing in her sleep, and none of it was pleasant. At least once a day she visibly projected a vision from her dreams. As brief as they were, he had almost found them horrifying. By what they had seen so far, her fevered sleep was plagued by demons, fallen angels, and Aeris' death. It was those visions and emotions that had made Yuffie, and most of the other's uncomfortable.
He reached over and took the cloth from her forehead, re-wetting it in the bowl of water before replacing it. At the moment she seemed to between her nightmares. He sat back and glanced out the window, he could easily see Haretia. The blue chocobo stood out against the green grass outside the village. Marlene and Barret were out there as well, the young girl was feeding the mount.
A little while later Red pushed the door open and stuck in his head, "How is she?"
"The same. I don't think she's dreaming at the moment."
The beast walked in and sat on the opposite side of the bed, "I talked to
Grandfather and he gave me something that might help, if you'll come in the den with the others I'll explain it." Vincent nodded and followed him out. All the others were in the room, waiting to hear what Red had to say. "My grandfather gave me something when I told him about what happened, Barret." Barret pulled out a small orb and held it in his hand. "This is a spirit Materia, it is very rare, almost as rare as most summon materias. It will allow one to go into another�s mind and soul and speak to them there. But there is a dangerous risk involved in this, especially when Ralena's mind is in such condition as it is. The only problem that remains now is, who is to go?"
Tifa took a step forward, "I'll go."
"No way!" Yuffie stood, "She's my friend I'll do it."
The two argued for a while then Vincent stood, "I will go."
"What?"
"I've known her the longest of us, though not by much, and her current state of mind resembles mine the closest. I know how she feels. That and it is least likely to affect my mind."
"No offense, Vincent," Barret spoke, "But you ain't exactly the best one to raise her spirits ya know."
Vincent shook his head, "She taught me to live with my failures, so I will teach her how to live with hers. The rest of you should continue looking for Cloud."
"I think at least two others should stay her with you," Tifa said.
"I'll stay," Red responded, "I'll need to help prepare Vincent and tell him more about the materia."
Yuffie was next, "I'll stay too, I owe her that much."
"Alright then, it's decided," Barret said, "You three stay and me, Cid, Tifa and Cait can-"
"Can the big mog stay daddy?" Marlene said coming into the room.
"How'd you know we was leavin'?"
"Elmyra said so."
"Well I guess I'm staying too then," the cat said shrugging.
Cid picked up his spear, "that's fine by me, gives me less chances to mistake you for a giant marshmallow." He grinned, poking the mog in the gut.
"Hey don't do that! It tickles."
"Tickles? I'll show you tickles you fu-"
Tifa clamped a hand over the pilot's mouth, "Not in front of Marlene. Now let's go, we've got allot of land to cover."
As soon as the others left Red began lecturing Vincent on what he knew about the psychic journey he was about to experience. He had to realize that where he went the same rules and limits did not apply, that it was a world of the spirit and mind. Vincent caught on quickly and on his insistence he tried it the following afternoon.
He placed the Spirit Materia in his armor and placed his hand over her head and closed his eyes. He felt an odd pulling sensation followed by a feeling of being tossed around before finally it stopped. It was then that he opened his eyes. Looking down at himself he realized he was in his old Turk's Uniform, his hair was short and his left hand was well intact. He took a moment to marvel at it before looking at his surroundings.
He knew where he was, it was the Gold Saucer, to a degree. None of the lights were on, most of the signs were hanging by a single nail, the ceiling was nonexistent, and there was rubble everywhere. He looked up to see the sky up above to see nothing but black. No stars and no moon, if he hadn't known this was Ralena's mind he would swear it was his own nightmare. Then he turned, hearing something. He almost disregarded it, but then heard the sound again, it was almost like a thumping. Soon it was followed by a child's voice, which he couldn't make out at first, but as he drew closer the haunting melody began to form words. "First attack, second attack, third attack la. On the fourth attack mother is killed, and daughter is killed too. First attack, second attack, third attack la. Tears go down to the under world and that's where you'll go too."
Then he turned a corner seeing a seven-year-old Ralena bouncing a ball against a wall, with the four bodies right behind her, one of Aeris and the other, he assumed, was Ifana, Aeris' mother. But there were two bodies there as well, a man and a woman who he did not recognize. He touched the her shoulder and the ball disappeared, "Ralena?" The girl turned to him with empty, cold, black eyes. As the girl faded from sight, he pulled back.
"Leave me alone Vincent," he heard the child's emotionless voice echo, "Leave me to my emptiness. I'm going to stay here where nothing exists, where only what I want to remember is the past."
"I won't do that, you did not leave me and I will not leave you."
"Ha haha ha, don't cause me to make you go away."
"And how will you do that?"
"Vincent?"
He turned quickly when he heard the voice he thought he would never hear again, "Lucretia..."
She circled him, maintaining eye contact the whole time. "Hojo did it to all of us didn't he? You, me, that girl, the one who told you how to get here, the Cetra woman Ilfana... my son," the last words she said with a mother's pain. "As well as probably thousands of others. He changed us, turned us into freaks... those of us who didn't die from his treatments." She stepped up to him then, "And you knew it. You knew what he did yet you let it continue as he infected my son and I with uneartly elements. You could have stopped him! Yet you didn't, it cost me my life, my son his sanity, and the lives of many others, including hers." She pointed to the red-headed girl who now sat next to Aeris' corpse braiding the auburn hair. "It's your fault for not stopping Hojo when you had the chance."
"But he was you-"
"It shouldn't have stopped you! Hojo's victims aren't the only ones who should blame you," she said coldly, "So are Sephiroth's, Hojo made Sephiroth a killer, and it is there, the blood of his victims is on your hands as well."
"No."
"Your fault." Aeris slowly stood then, as did Ilfana and the girl. "Your fault," they repeated accusingly. Soon he was surrounded by people blaming him. "Your fault." Repeating over and over, "Your fault." Till finally he yelled out and fell to his knees. Then the voices stopped, but they still stood around him and the young Ralena stepped up to him.
"I can do much worse Vincent," she said threateningly, "I know what you feel, I know your past, so leave me be."
He reached out and grabbed her shirt, "I came to retrieve you, and I will not leave till you come with me."
The other people disappeared and she laughed. She began to grow till she appeared her present age and he was now standing, still clutching her shirt. "Do you even realize what that was you just held in your hands?" she asked, no mocking in her voice any longer, only anger and sorrow, "That was me, that was what Hojo made me to keep me from even thinking of hope! He stole my childhood without a so much as a thought!" She turned partially away from him, black tears beginning to streak down her cheeks. "Do you know who they are?" She lamented reffering to the four bodies that were there when he first entered. "Those are the lives I'M responsible for! And those aren't the only one's I'm sure, how could I forget them?" Again three more bodies appeared a man, a woman, and a young boy. "Aeris, Ifana, the family that Sephiroth left me with," she shook her head, "And my own parents! I killed them all by existing and now everyone will feel my pain!"
"Ralena it ca-"
"No! Don't even try it." She closed her eyes, "When I was little we were out on a picnic in the woods. I got lost and my mother and father came looking for me. There were monsters around at that time, though not as many, I was surprised I made it out alive. And I know they are dead, because they would have found me by now." Her eyes opened now to reveal a dark blue color "and it's my fault for running off!"
He started to respond again but she cut him off, "Look at this! Do you know what this is!?" She tore off part of her shirt, revealing her right shoulder blade with tattooed numbers on it. "Do you have any idea what this means? It means I am a subject, an experiment, a specimen," She spat out the last word before continuing, "It means that I have no right to be out there! Not now that I am no longer human!"
"Ralena you are human."
"Says the monster," she replied coolly as her eyes once again shifted to black
"Didn't you know about your parents before? I remember you saying Ilfana gave you back your memories."
She chuckled coldly, "Ha! She only gave me some memories back, she didn't give me the whole story you see. But after I passed out and came here, I found the truth, and the truth is I have nothing!"
"What about Yuffie and the others?"
"What of them? A 16 year old thief and a bunch of people who hardly knew me."
"Aeris hardly knew you," he stated factually.
She turned on him then, "You are wrong! Aeris knew me on a level no one else would understand. The blood of Ilfana ran in both our veins! And even though we hadn't known each other for nearly fifteen years we were practically the same!"
"Not as much as you think."
"What are you saying?"
"Aeris accepted her destiny, she accepted all that had happened in her life, the good and the bad. You denied it, first by forgetting everything before that family�s death, and then by retreating here. We are more similar than you and Aeris, Ralena. In the same way I have blocked out the light, you have blocked out the dark. That is why you are too stubborn to leave now, you went from the brightest day to the darkest abyss too quickly, and it is blinded you from reason."
She looked at him, shocked, the color slowly returning to her eyes. Then the ground began to rumble and everything around them shook. Her eyes were wide in fear, "Vincent you have to get out of here!"
"What?"
"He's coming! You have to leave now, he'll kill you!"
He ran up to her side and grabbed her arm, "Who is coming!?"
A section of ruined wall cracked in two as a large creature, half demon, half angel, tore it open. Vincent spared a look into the sky, and saw a single star. He had been getting through to her after all, that's why this thing was here. To keep her. "You are mine," It said in a deep voice, "and you shall never leave!"
"Vincent, hurry, leave!"
"No, I'm going to bring you back." He stood in front of her and the creature reached for him but he dodged out of the way, taking Ralena with him. He looked up, three stars. An instant later a revolver appeared in his hand and he fired at the beast.
"Vincent, wait I have to fight him on my own."
"I'm not going to-"
"GO!" She shouted with such force that Vincent was pushed out and the chair his body was waiting in fell over backward when he returned to it.
"What happened?" Yuffie asked urgently.
"I have to go back," Vincent said trying to get up on his own.
Red shook his head, "You can't, your too weak. Another attempt now could kill you." Ralena's body jerked then and a gash appeared on her cheek. Yuffie immediately attended to it. Red seemed startled, "What?"
"She's fighting her demon," he answered, "and it's very big." He pulled back the sheet as another gash appeared on her leg.
"Cait!" Yuffie shouted, "Hurry in here and bring lots of bandages!"
She heard Yuffie shout as she winced at the pain in her leg. The damage she just took was affecting her physical body as well. "This is not good," she whispered to herself. She threw her hands out wide and focused, shouting out, in an instant her weapons of choice were in her hands. The creature brought down his hand, but she blocked it with crossed blades. It brought it's other hand around and three slash marks were made across her back. She fell to her knees and he picked her up throwing her into a pile of rubble, earning her several more scratches and cuts. She could still hear the others, namely Cait and Yuffie, as they did their best to keep up with her wounds. More stars appeared and her weapons reappeared and she charged in.
"Can we use a cure spell?" Cait asked.
Red shook his head, "Not while she's still within her own mind. The physical wounds are caused by a spiritual combat with herself, but it does not work the other way around I'm afraid."
'That means they can't help me,' she thought, 'I have to do this alone.' Several stars flickered in and out as her hope dwindled. 'I have to keep fighting Aeris would want me to.' She did her best to block the demon-angels' blows but still received several injuries. The beast's hand came straight towards her...
Suddenly Ralena seemed to have trouble breathing and Yuffie began to panic, "Oh my god what's happening?"
"She's not breathing!"
Ralena hung, suspended by the angel sides hand, the long nails of the demon side randomly cut at her skin and poked at her wounds. Unable to break free she tried to speak, "....help... Yuffie, Red... Vincent... help me... please."
"Ralena, I know you can hear us," Vincent said into her ear, as he placed his right hand on her head. "You have to pull through." another cut on her torso, the blood began to seep through the bandages. "Everyone needs you." He gently took her hand in his claw, "Yuffie needs you," another cut, "Aeris needs you," a deep gash on her other leg, "The planet needs you," he felt the anticipation as she waited for him to say it. Then he leaned close and whispered, not sure if it was the truth, "I need you."
Then she heard it, his voice, soft and deep, and she could almost feel his touch, she was cut again, then the welcoming cold in one of her hands. He said it all, but not what she wanted to hear, needed to hear. Then he said it, quietly, softly, sincerely, "I need you."
"So do I," Suddenly the stars in the sky exploded, brightly filling the whole sky with light as they fell down onto her opponent
Ralena's eyes burst open and she bolted up, her eyes were wide. Coughing, she slowly turned to Vincent. "Vincent?" her hazel-green eyes welled up with tears and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry," she cried, "I'm so sorry."
As he sat there, her tears and blood soaking his clothes, he looked up to Yuffie, once again unsure of what to do. He saw Yuffie's mouth move in an attempt to tell him what to do, but he didn't understand. Yuffie rolled her eyes put her arms up like she was holding a large ball and screamed silently, "Hug her back moron!" Lucky for her he didn't get the last word or didn't care and slowly raised his hand to her back. She winced slightly as he touched one of the cuts.
Red was the first to speak up, warning Ralena before casting a cure spell, knowing she could not go on long without one. As the spell took affect her hands briefly tightened their grip on Vincent's clothes as the skin and flesh brought itself back together. Not long after she loosened her grip she pulled away wiping the tears from her face and then looking down at her blood stained limbs, shirt, and boxers, which seemed to be all she was wearing. "I suppose I should wash up." Yuffie smiled, happy to see her seemingly back to normal.
"I'll go start the bath," Cait said and bounced out of the room.
Ralena stared into her lap for a moment then she turned toward Vincent, "Vincent, I'm sorry, for putting you through that."
He raised a hand, "It is alright." He stood up and began to walk out, stopping at the door, "Haretia is outside, you should probably see her when your ready." Ralena's eyes lingered at the empty doorway after Vincent had left, he opened up to her so briefly, long enough to pull her out of the abyss, only to close up again when she came back.
"Gee... that was," Yuffie said, thinking of her next word, "... cold."
Red looked to Ralena, "Since I'm the only one not covered in blood, I'll go tell Elmyra what happened. She should probably take Marlene out so she doesn't have to us so... messy."
Ralena simply nodded still looking at the door. Ten minutes later Yuffie was helping Ralena towards the bathroom, after which she had seen to changing the bloodstained sheets.
Two days later the others came back with Cloud, he told everyone to take a few days to find out what they were fighting for
At the ShinRa Headquarters Hojo had reappeared at the lab, looking over the video of the two renegades captured at Rocket Town nearly a month ago. He was a little more than surprised to see that the former Turk had emerged from his coffin, and even more surprised to see him in the company of an escaped experiment. He had taken a few minutes to look through some of his files to identify the girl.
Hojo grinned, realizing the implications of the girl's treatments. He took the file to Rufus, "And what exactly does this mean?"
"It means that there is a possibility that, even though she was not born a Cetra, she could have enough Cetra blood in her to help us in the rest of our plan, even without the other girl."
Ralena sat down in her room at the Gold Saucer, she had been racing Haretia to help earn a little money for the group and to get her mind off things, that and the Gold Saucer was a great place to pick up information. It was beginning to get late now, a few of the others had stayed here, some were spending their winnings and others turning in for the night. She sat down at the desk in her room pulling out a journal she had bought to write her thoughts in, and recently her mind was full of them. Before writing she pulled out a beat up old minitape recorder, until recently she had forgotten where it had come from, though it always gave her comfort and peace of mind. She hit the play button and the quiet sounds of familiar piano music drifted out from the tiny speaker, each piece introduced by a warm male voice. She picked a pen and started writing...
Since I was pulled out of my... own mind. I've been wondering exactly what it is I feel for Vincent. I find it odd that someone like myself, so used to dealing with peoples' emotions, cannot even define my own. I first noticed this feeling after we left Midgar, at first I thought it was genuine sympathy, since we were both subjects of Hojo's twisted experiments. But soon I was not so sure.
If I knew as little about him as the others his apparent apathy would've driven me nuts weeks ago. But I know his past or some of it. When Cloud told us to look for what we were fighting for, I did not know where to go. So I decided to go around in the Submarine, underwater was one side of nature I never had a chance to experience. I realized the people, the creatures and the beauty of this planet were the things I was fighting for. Vincent and Cid had come along and we found a tunnel, it led to a lake with a waterfall surrounded by mountains. After exploring the area we found a cave behind the waterfall.
Lucretia was there. Vincent just... looked at her. She glanced my way and I got this feeling that I had to leave, but it was not coming from her, it was my own choice and I went outside, Cid followed me also sensing it was a rather private moment. It was about ten minutes before he came out, apparently she was not coming, Vincent said she was sick, a side affect from the experiment Hojo performed on her.
When we got back on the Highwind an interesting thing happened on the Air ship.
They took the air ship to Gold Saucer, where Ralena decided to stay, but when they arrived at North Corel it was pouring so she decided to stay on the air ship till the storm passed. Ralena was sitting down against the wall of the lower platform of the bridge, trying out some meditation technique Red taught her to help out with blocking out others' emotions. She heard some familiar voices so she opened her eyes, thinking that whoever it was might be talking to her. It turned out they weren't, Vincent and Cid were standing on the platform above her talking. Cid was saying something about Shera, and then asked what Vincent thought about Ralena.
"She is like most of us," he said, "trying to find her way and her place and life. But her� abilities make it difficult to listen to her heart because she hears everyone else's." But then he said something that she knew she wish she didn't hear. "Sometimes I think she might be using her powers on me though, to influence me."
Ralena felt the rage and hurt boil in her chest. She stood up and stepped back so he could see her, she could feel her emotions radiating from her body as she started her speech, but she was to upset and angry to care. "How dare you. I cannot believe you would even think I would do such a thing! After all the shit we've been through, I thought you would at least trust me enough to know I would never do that to a friend. True I did influence you mildly when I first met you, but that was just to get your sad ass out of that damned coffin! Since then I have only used my powers to calm you down after you reach your limit! Otherwise, WHEN I can help it, I only use my powers with a person's permission." By then she was in his face, Ralena could feel her eyes sting as she kept her tears at bay. "You know what Vincent, if you feel that way then...just.. just F&@^ you!" She turned on her heel and stomped out of the bridge right past Yuffie who made an obvious effort to get out of her way.
The bridge was silent as everyone just looked at Vincent. Finally Cid spoke up, "Shit.... I think you really pissed her off."
I could not believe he said that but the heat of the moment caught me, and I swear I felt like stabbing him. I felt as though he had abandoned me, but then....
Ralena ran outside, stopping between the Highwind and North Corel her back to the ship. Her tears mingled with the rain as they slid down her face. She just stood in the pouring rain her feelings radiating from her shaking body. The next thing she knew someone was holding a blanket out infront of her face. She looked up long enough to recognize it as Vincent, she snatched the blanket and turned her back on him. Her wet hair framed her face like curled ribbons, she didn't want anyone to see her crying, even if he had seen it before. "What do you want?" she asked coldly, draping the blanket around her shoulders.
For a minute he didn't say anything, they both stood in the rain, her raging emotions still swimming in the air. "I am sorry," he said slowly. Her anger died down a bit but the hurt remained.
"I'm sorry too... I shouldn't have...I need some time alone, I should be ok in a day or so."
"Are you going to drown out your emotions in the happiness of others?"
She turned on him again, "How would you know? Feeling another's happiness never solved my problems. I know, I've tried it before, because when I leave I feel worse than before." She closed her eyes and took a breath trying to steady her voice and feelings. She looked up at him again and evenly concluded, "I'll be fine, I just need time to think."
Thankfully he let me alone after that. Sometimes I think he doesn't care, but then I have to think about when we were in the ShinRa tower. When in my mind I was a crying child, and he, as odd as it was for him, did his best to comfort me. How after resurrecting me from the Zolom fight how he almost looked relieved. And then I have to smile at how he came into my mind to save me from myself.
I find myself asking, "What would I do for him?" "What would I risk?" I soon realize the answer is everything. I gave my life to protect him from the Midgar Zolom once, and I know I would do so again. Because I know this, I think that I am in love with him. But whatever heart he has now, I believe it is for Lucretia.
There is one other thing I am fighting for, something I have not told anyone, something I found out after Aeris' death. I have an older brother, and I know he is alive. The charm around my neck was given to me by him, but I don't know where he is, or who. I just know he's out there.
Ralena closed the book and put her elbows on either side of the book, she reached down and held the rock charm out infront of her face, staring at the natural pattern of the rock. She knew trying to find her brother, on this large planet and during the middle of an adventure was hard enough as it was, now she also had to deal with the fact that he could've changed his looks easily in the last fifteen years. And worse yet it was most likely that he was in Midgar, the largest, most crowded city in the world. As soon as this save the world routine was over, she had to find him.
Now she was depressed, thinking too much on the wrong subject. Ralena looked up to the window and shrugged, "Aww what the hell, I'm gonna go get a drink." She walked to the bar an ordered herself a beer. During the middle of her second drink she noticed a bald man wearing a suit in the corner with sunglasses who seemed to be looking in her direction. She casually stood up, paid for the beers and headed toward the door, waiting to see if the man followed her. He didn't get up but did seem to take notice which door she went in. She went into Wonder Square and played the snowboard game still seeing no sign of the man. So she dismissed it. She headed to Speed Square, deciding to check on Haretia before turning in.
She was in the Chocobo stables when the man came up to her, along with a blonde woman, also in a suit. "Excuse me miss," he said in a deep voice, "Will you come with us please?"
A distant memory echoed in her mind. It was a deep, quiet, caring voice, "No one 'just leaves' the ShinRa Ralena."
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AN: The little poem thingy from Ral's mind was something I heard from the dubbed version of "Wraith of the Ninja"
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Chapter Four