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A Song of Ice and Fire / Other Topics / Potpourri V

Next 20 Messages

KAH
User ID: 9209903 May 25th 1:12 PM
Considering how the last Potpourri board seems to have been taken by a premature attack of the Others, I have taken the opportunity to make the fifth(!) one.

Emily; while I'm delighted that the women of the capital shows social conscience and solidarity with the small council, I'm a bit alarmed by the emerging of the WDLFC. (or was it WLDFC? You know what I mean)

I would especially advise against letting Jeff and his cronies getting wind of this, lest they'll cowardly use it for their own benefit!
I would strongly advise against any castrations until all the married men have returned to their rightful place in the households' stable or pigsty.

Lord Hand Dirjj
User ID: 9990163 May 25th 2:58 PM
My "Lord Hand" - hee hee hee. Dirjj is here. I was delayed in a Whore House for a few days (swamped at work, and dumb ass roomate has hogged the computer at home for the last week - he's on when I get home, and he's still on when I go to bed - bastard) but I have finally arrived. I am here in the Palace with a force of 1500 Gold Cloaks, compared to your puny security force of 200. I have also secured the key points to the City as well. Jeff has taken command of the City Walls, with the remainder of my 5000 Gold Cloaks, as well as the liberated Men that have swelled our ranks. Men throughout the countryside are leaving their woman and swelling our ranks as we speak.

My 1500 with me are my hand picked men that recently graduated from my Elite Academy. My former Lord Hand. I place you under arrest, and put the city under Martial Law (basically meaning, all woman must stay in their house unless they're serving us men). Until the Queen is fit to proclaim a new Hand (she was in KAH's dungeon), I assume command of the City.

A NEW WORLD ORDER has been established. Long Live the Galactic Empire, oops. I meant the Empire of Men.!!!!

ab

KAH
User ID: 9209903 May 25th 3:26 PM
Dirjj:

_Tu quoque, fili!_

Fortunately, I know of all the secret passages made by Maegor, some of them to the dungeons! (apparently, he was afraid for the very thing that has happened to me)

I'm escaping like a beaten dog now, but I will return, and have my revenge!

*shakes fists in air, foaming at mouth*

*slipping secretly out of city, disguised as a telemarketing salesman*

Maester Ching
User ID: 1069864 May 25th 3:48 PM
Oh if you are interested in reading of my lord Flayed man's letter then please go to Potpourri IV

Jeff
User ID: 8506593 May 25th 4:33 PM
All Hail Dirjj!

My twice-attempted posting on Potpourri IV also noted the swelling of our ranks by all the men who now sit with their legs crossed very tightly.

(Former) Lord Hand, to where will you run? It would seem that your alliance with the WDLSC (I think that was it) may have made you slightly unpopular with at least half the population of the City.

Lord Hand Dirjj I have repaired what ships we had left and are reassembling the fleet. I would think the first order of business is to find a third member of the small council. For the third member, I would propose ---- Min! Unless, of course, she is a member of the WDLSC.

For some reason, I seem to have been flooded with flocks of ravens leaving messages regarding some new hand creams, cooking implements, and cheap jewelry, and telling me that I can have all for a thirty day trial period. Hmmm. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. I wonder who's sending all these damn birds, though.

Maester Ching
User ID: 1069864 May 25th 4:55 PM
Oh never mind.. I think 68 is max..
I am Maester Ching Tong Shang the healer and necromancer of mountain dred. I carry a message from my lord about the battle. here is the letter from my lord

Letter from Flayed Man:

My Lords and Ladies I have been fighting this war and so far I am sucessful. We met many battalions of Iron born and we destroyed every one and slaugther them none went back alive. but strange thing is that when I met Asha and her men, we slaugthered every one exept Asha and she lost one and one duel against me. I could have killed her or make my men to have Asha as their own pleasure but I released her...I don't know what got in to me but I think I like Asha she is a fiesty one.. but next time I meet what Shall I do with her shall I kill her or take her as a Flayed Wife? Oh making her love me is hard but lords of mountain dred had been always successful and I know how to tame Asha. She will make strong wife.

Also I met Ramsey's men and destroyed them but those who yielded I let them live also there are some who are against Ramsey and they joined with me and Ser Gary led van and I priase him for his victory. Also I saw a cocky 20 year old prisoner who was bruised and batterd but Ramsey got away with the prisoner. was it Theon???

Also my brother said he saw Rickon but they ran away as soon as my brother try to take him to safety. if any of you seen them please take care of prince Rickon.

Duke Dirji:

how dare you accuse my brother and my sister!!! My brother bought full barrels of Summer wine and wine merchant is here as a eye withness Also my Sister went to Pike not against you or any lords. She plundered Harlaw but now any Northern soil. and so is our men. Now I want apalogies from you Ser!!! last night you sent 100 men against my brother to arrest him but he defeated all of them and now we hold them captive now if my brother and my sister really did those horrible things which you said he would have killed them all but he spared their lives and now we will return your guards which you sent to arrest my brother.
another stunt like that I shall come to your keep and destroy you ser (oh if you dare I shall kill every your innocent people and your wife and children too!) this is not a threat but you have insulted me too far and we don't tolerate insults! if anybody insults my family we reply by force and tactics to show a lesson. Don't even bother to go to king robb. I am not his banner man of Robb but simple lord who rules independently in my keep like my ancestors (which means that we don't pay homage nor bent knee to anyone) did and anybody who try to attack my keep is an utter fool (aegon try to take over with million troop but failed even his two dragons were killed). So using military is futile. We are independent but we always answered call of arms. and if you and anybody thinks that I will betray Northerners then I will Pull my men back and Robb will be very furious to you ser!! Robb sent me a letter for aid and I am granting his wish and You Duke Dirji How dare you think less of us!!!

If you got suspicion then sent me a letter about it and I shall do something about it and if my brother really did something then I will execute him. (yes our laws are very strict) but he proved that he is an innocent. my sister well don't even go there she is far innocent.

It may be Ramsey who used Ruse to make me go against you but I know that cheap tactic of Ramsey and one of Ramsey's men confessed when we captured his battalions. ask him.

but anycase I want a letter of apologies from you for your accusation and insults to my siblings. just give your letter to my Maester who is there now then I shall forget about it. Oh your 100 guards should be returned with my Maester and some of escrots also Our men escorted your cousin to here. Now if we are such bad ones why did we not kill your cousin? And your cousin thanked my escorts. Now as you the banner man of Stark we should join together to recover north not qurrel each other first then fight ourself I bet all lords and Lady agree to that. So you should apalogize to my brother and sister then I will forget this whole thing.

Lady Min and Emily
Whatever you heard about me from Dirji please do not believe him. I know that you always thought of me as a honest lord and treated me with kindness which we rarely get. Oh Lady Emily My Sister escorted your siblings and your pet cat to here safely. Now my sister must go back to war to destroy Pyke. Well wish us luck and Lady Min please sent me 10000 troops or half to recover torrent's square. My banner man is now marching and one of road leads to your city and your men can linke up with Li qui (my banner man the lord of North side of mountain).

Ser Gary:
It is sad to see you depart but I thank you leaving me with 20000 men with me now victory will be very certain and your men and mine gets incredibly along well.. some are like brothers and you ser after war is done shall we challenge a duel? (just practice match) Oh your men captured one of Balon's lord and currently we are interrogating him.

Well We are now figthing to recover Winterfell wish me luck and I may sent you another letter in time to time

Oh my Maester Ching Tong Shang who is pure blood of Dorthraki (Maesters at Dred forts are always Pure Dorthraki for generations) will stick around for few days and heal the sick. Please welcome him. He may be aloof, wierd and sometimes vulgar but he is very gentle and warmhearted.

Back to Maester:
Now my lords With my lord's request I am here to heal the sick and wounded and collect dead...to study my magic. Why I may be healer, battle startegist, adviser, chemist, but I am also a Necromancer who use death magics.

Also Lady Min

I thank you being friend with my lord. that young boy...oops! Lord was always sullen and was lonely when he was lad... but he found a friend and my lord is very thankful that you would dance with my lord. And I am suprised how you even tamed my youngest master Homuras. He praise you for that and thanking you.

Duke Dirji

Now where is letter of apalogies for my youngest master and his sister? I want the letter of apalogies and you should write letter of apalogies to my lord. Because currently everyone at mountain dred is very angry with you ser. and some even considered to attack your keep and slaughter every peasants of your keep but my lord refuesed and gave chance to show you the innocence of Lord Homuras and Lady Hanna and now giving you chance to apologize. your aplogies will calm my lords anger and his people(cause one insult to my young lord and his sibling is the insult of our people as well). I will wait but not too long because I shall depart soon.

To everyone:

Please don't end up dead or I will bring back life by my necromancy keh heh heh heh heh heh!!!! and if you have and dead people well let me take them to my tower to study my magic. Oh by the way as a mysteries you all been wondering the pyromancers of mad king were dissappered right? well my late lord Rishin the father or our current lord captured them and brought back to me (they were confirmed as MIA). I studied them alive (yes open their body to search) yes I did amputations and sort of gross things to satisfy my knowledge. Now I know fire magic.
*cackling hysterically*

KAH
User ID: 9209903 May 26th 2:47 AM
Jeff:

Well, currently I'm residing in Pentos, having gotten away from Westeros by the help of the telemarketing salesmen cartel I made. I'll be traveling between the various Free Cities and Quarth in the near future, no doubt.

My financial imperium is on this side of the Narrow Sea, after all (you must have wondered why the Treasury was empty all the time...heheh), and I'll be one of the richest Merchant Prince's around here. This will undoubtedly come in handy, when I'm pondering my swift and sudden revenge over the Usurper and his dogs.

When I get my hands on you...ooh, you'll know how the Lannister man I hired has earned his name...'The Tickler'! *evil, evil grin*

Now you'll have to excuse me - I'm preparing to build up an invation army. I see you have already encountered the hosts' 'fifth column'. *chuckle*
You should really try some of the skin cream series they're offering...

Emily
User ID: 9084913 May 26th 6:14 AM
My Lord Ex-Hand: I must make it clear that in no way was the Women's Democratic Lesbian Socialist Collective showing solidarity with you or with the all-male small Council. We were acting solely on behalf of womankind, though we were naturally sorry to hear of your demise - er, your temporary setback. Needless to say, the Commoner's pathetic attempts to enforce a curfew have been ignored.

To all those quaking, cross-legged, wet-trousered men out there: fear not! The WDLSC have voted by a disappointingly large majority - despite Shagga's generous donation of a hundred goats - to leave your manhoods intact for the time being. Needless to say, this is contingent on you abandoning the Commoner and returning home AT ONCE.

Maester Ching - kindly convey my heartfelt thanks to Flayed Man and his noble sister for escorting my darling cat to safety. I'm not so grateful for the rescue of my siblings, however...

Jeff
User ID: 8506593 May 26th 8:02 AM
Lord Hand Dirjj,

I have assembled our combined forces to retake the City. This should not be too difficult as the WDLSC seems more interested in holding meaningless little discussions in coffeehouses and listening to folk songs than actually attempting a defense. Of course, the fact that we control all the trained soldiers, arms, and armor might have a _little_ to do with it.

BTW, our troops have unanimously rejected the offer of the WDLSC to return to their homes. Those who were married to members of the WDLSC have realized that they weren't really "getting any" anyway, so the threatened withholding of favors was a hollow threat. In any event, most of the troops have taken up with a variety of tavern wenches who seem to have little in common with the unshaven members of the WDLSC.

Hand Dirjj
User ID: 9990163 May 26th 8:54 AM
I propose that we abolish the Small Council, and set up a triumverate to rule the City (a' la Rome). Jeff and I shall form the first 2 legs, we will be reviewing applications for the third leg. Our first order of business will be to strengthen the city defenses, and train our liberated male levees. I have the feeling that we may have some Northern Illiterates on our border soon, as I have no intention of apologizing to anyone. The warrant for Humouris is still valid. He is to be taken dead or alive.

Also, we appear to lack sufficient funds, as our former hand was, as we suspected, padding the ledgers in his favor. As the second order of business, I propose we scrape up our pennies, and hire the esteemed esquires from the law firm of Cheatam and Howe to sue KAH for the return of City Funds. If not, well, at least they can tie up the funds so that he can not use them either.

On a side bar, we could welcome KAH back for a small sum of money to be the 3rd leg of our triumverate. :-)

ab

Jeff
User ID: 8506593 May 26th 9:21 AM
Maester Ching, you should inform your lord that Emily is now the head of the Women's Democratic Lesbian Socialist Collective, and undoubtedly would take great offense at being referred to as the "Lady Emily".

BTW, I hope that all noted how the allegedly impartial Judge Claidhaim so quickly took sides and opposed me as a traitor. Had he any integrity at all, he would recuse himself from acting as judge during the Duel due to his clear bias against me. Scum!

Dirjj, my troops have occupied the City and confined the members of the WDLSC to their various coffeeshops. I propose that Emily be permitted to roam freely as she seems to be a great recruiter for us. Also, I suggest that we infiltrate large quantities of coloring books and crayons to the northerners gathering on our border. That should delay them sufficiently so that they forget why they came south in the first place.

Judge Claidhaim
User ID: 9544623 May 26th 9:42 AM
Jeff;

I only took sides in the matter in the belief that the Hand was acting on the Queen's behalf. As you know, the Hand speaks with the Queen's voice and as a subject to her reign, I must submit.

As to the naming of a new Hand, I shall, of course, submit to his bidding as he now speaks with the Queen's voice.

'Tis only just to follow the orders of the Queen, and if I am to be ridiculed for obeying the laws, well then ridicule away.

Jeff
User ID: 8506593 May 26th 10:10 AM
Listen, you political hack, I am reminded also of an rebuke given to a major in the Prussian army during the regin of Frederick the Great. When the major was criticized for a bonehead attack, he offered the excuse that he was only following orders, to which his general replied "Major, the Emperor made you a major so that you would know when _not_ to obey orders.

That being said, I must confess that political hacks have certain virtues. Hmmmm.

Lord Dirjj, I propose that we elect Judge Claidhaim as the third member of the triumvirate, said appointment to include the normal perks and stipends associated with such an important position.

I am sure that Judge Claidhaim will realize that true solidarity among the members of the triumvirate is essential to the smooth operate of the City, and that any order, ruling, or judgment issued that harmed a fellow member of the triumvirate would not bode well.

My, I am really looking forward to that duel.

Emily
User ID: 1572034 May 26th 10:13 AM
Taken over the city???? Hahahahahahahaha.

Jeff...I REALLY hate to break the news to you...but all the men who told you they were leaving to 'occupy' the city were in fact chasing after those tavern wenches. We explained to the so-called 'wenches' the full details of their sexual, emotional and economic exploitation in a male-dominated society, and how joining the WDLSC would require them merely to sing folksongs and to woman the barricades, and - hey presto! - they abandoned Jeff's camp and came over to us!

Naturally the thousands of males in hot pursuit were somewhat disappointed to discover on reaching the city that ex-wenches wished to celebrate liberation in the arms of their sisters. There are, however, a number of women who, sadly, have chosen to express their freedom from such patriarchal concepts as virginity, fidelity, chastity, etc by...well...I really don't want to go into details but suffice it to say that the men seem VERY happy with the new arrangements.

By the way...love the idea of a triumverate, Dirjj. You and Jeff should rule as fraternally together as Julius Ceasar and Mark Antony did.

Now if you'll excuse me, we're just debating whether our heroic stand against the pitiful remnants of Jeff's army should be conducted in the highest tradition of Aung San Suu Kyi and Chai Ling, with non-violent (and therefore non-patriarchal) resistance, or whether we should follow in Joan of Arc and Nymeria's rather more militant footsteps *issuing summons to Asha, Brienne, Maeve Mormont (plus pet bear), Lady Oakheart and Arya*.

Jeff
User ID: 8506593 May 26th 10:17 AM
Okay, this has gotten way too deviant for me. I'm out.

KAH
User ID: 9209903 May 26th 10:46 AM
Well, methinks a break would do us all good...it was getting a bit repetitive even before the later
tumults...

Claidhaim
User ID: 2581794 May 26th 12:26 PM
I don't know, I look forward to hearing from Mountain Dred every now and again.:)

Claidhaim
User ID: 2581794 May 26th 12:27 PM
Yes, that is me above, apparently when I use a different browser, I get a different ID. Go figure.

KAH
User ID: 9209903 May 26th 2:16 PM
Well, if FM wants to keep it on, he's welcome to it.

I feel kinda burned out...I think I must have posted at least some fifty times here.
My creativity is running rather low lately.
I think the 'True Hand of the City' needs a long, long vacation. :)

Emily
User ID: 0443584 May 28th 6:31 AM
If memory serves correctly this will be the last day of Jeff's mortal existence.

*Smirk*

We settled on 9am EST, i.e. 2pm GMT. But the Commoner - just to make trouble - started muttering about 9am _his_ EST, including Daylight savings etc. So can someone just confirm what GMT/Board time we will be meeting up? And also that we just need to go to Revanshe's chat room, and even a lowly, inexperienced squire such as myself will be able to log on?

Next 20 Messages

KAH User ID: 9209903	May 25th 1:12 PM Considering how the last Potpourri board seems to have been taken by a premature attack of the Others, I have taken the opportunity to make the fifth(!) one. Emily; while I'm delighted that the women of the capital shows social conscience and solidarity with the small council, I'm a bit alarmed by the emerging of the WDLFC. (or was it WLDFC? You know what I mean) I would especially advise against letting Jeff and his cronies getting wind of this, lest they'll cowardly use it for their own benefit! I would strongly advise against any castrations until all the married men have returned to their rightful place in the households' stable or pigsty.
Lord Hand Dirjj User ID: 9990163	May 25th 2:58 PM My "Lord Hand" - hee hee hee. Dirjj is here. I was delayed in a Whore House for a few days (swamped at work, and dumb ass roomate has hogged the computer at home for the last week - he's on when I get home, and he's still on when I go to bed - bastard) but I have finally arrived. I am here in the Palace with a force of 1500 Gold Cloaks, compared to your puny security force of 200. I have also secured the key points to the City as well. Jeff has taken command of the City Walls, with the remainder of my 5000 Gold Cloaks, as well as the liberated Men that have swelled our ranks. Men throughout the countryside are leaving their woman and swelling our ranks as we speak. My 1500 with me are my hand picked men that recently graduated from my Elite Academy. My former Lord Hand. I place you under arrest, and put the city under Martial Law (basically meaning, all woman must stay in their house unless they're serving us men). Until the Queen is fit to proclaim a new Hand (she was in KAH's dungeon), I assume command of the City. A NEW WORLD ORDER has been established. Long Live the Galactic Empire, oops. I meant the Empire of Men.!!!! ab
KAH User ID: 9209903	May 25th 3:26 PM Dirjj: _Tu quoque, fili!_ Fortunately, I know of all the secret passages made by Maegor, some of them to the dungeons! (apparently, he was afraid for the very thing that has happened to me) I'm escaping like a beaten dog now, but I will return, and have my revenge! shakes fists in air, foaming at mouth slipping secretly out of city, disguised as a telemarketing salesman
Maester Ching User ID: 1069864	May 25th 3:48 PM Oh if you are interested in reading of my lord Flayed man's letter then please go to Potpourri IV
Jeff User ID: 8506593	May 25th 4:33 PM All Hail Dirjj! My twice-attempted posting on Potpourri IV also noted the swelling of our ranks by all the men who now sit with their legs crossed very tightly. (Former) Lord Hand, to where will you run? It would seem that your alliance with the WDLSC (I think that was it) may have made you slightly unpopular with at least half the population of the City. Lord Hand Dirjj I have repaired what ships we had left and are reassembling the fleet. I would think the first order of business is to find a third member of the small council. For the third member, I would propose ---- Min! Unless, of course, she is a member of the WDLSC. For some reason, I seem to have been flooded with flocks of ravens leaving messages regarding some new hand creams, cooking implements, and cheap jewelry, and telling me that I can have all for a thirty day trial period. Hmmm. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. I wonder who's sending all these damn birds, though.
Maester Ching User ID: 1069864	May 25th 4:55 PM Oh never mind.. I think 68 is max.. I am Maester Ching Tong Shang the healer and necromancer of mountain dred. I carry a message from my lord about the battle. here is the letter from my lord Letter from Flayed Man: My Lords and Ladies I have been fighting this war and so far I am sucessful. We met many battalions of Iron born and we destroyed every one and slaugther them none went back alive. but strange thing is that when I met Asha and her men, we slaugthered every one exept Asha and she lost one and one duel against me. I could have killed her or make my men to have Asha as their own pleasure but I released her...I don't know what got in to me but I think I like Asha she is a fiesty one.. but next time I meet what Shall I do with her shall I kill her or take her as a Flayed Wife? Oh making her love me is hard but lords of mountain dred had been always successful and I know how to tame Asha. She will make strong wife. Also I met Ramsey's men and destroyed them but those who yielded I let them live also there are some who are against Ramsey and they joined with me and Ser Gary led van and I priase him for his victory. Also I saw a cocky 20 year old prisoner who was bruised and batterd but Ramsey got away with the prisoner. was it Theon??? Also my brother said he saw Rickon but they ran away as soon as my brother try to take him to safety. if any of you seen them please take care of prince Rickon. Duke Dirji: how dare you accuse my brother and my sister!!! My brother bought full barrels of Summer wine and wine merchant is here as a eye withness Also my Sister went to Pike not against you or any lords. She plundered Harlaw but now any Northern soil. and so is our men. Now I want apalogies from you Ser!!! last night you sent 100 men against my brother to arrest him but he defeated all of them and now we hold them captive now if my brother and my sister really did those horrible things which you said he would have killed them all but he spared their lives and now we will return your guards which you sent to arrest my brother. another stunt like that I shall come to your keep and destroy you ser (oh if you dare I shall kill every your innocent people and your wife and children too!) this is not a threat but you have insulted me too far and we don't tolerate insults! if anybody insults my family we reply by force and tactics to show a lesson. Don't even bother to go to king robb. I am not his banner man of Robb but simple lord who rules independently in my keep like my ancestors (which means that we don't pay homage nor bent knee to anyone) did and anybody who try to attack my keep is an utter fool (aegon try to take over with million troop but failed even his two dragons were killed). So using military is futile. We are independent but we always answered call of arms. and if you and anybody thinks that I will betray Northerners then I will Pull my men back and Robb will be very furious to you ser!! Robb sent me a letter for aid and I am granting his wish and You Duke Dirji How dare you think less of us!!! If you got suspicion then sent me a letter about it and I shall do something about it and if my brother really did something then I will execute him. (yes our laws are very strict) but he proved that he is an innocent. my sister well don't even go there she is far innocent. It may be Ramsey who used Ruse to make me go against you but I know that cheap tactic of Ramsey and one of Ramsey's men confessed when we captured his battalions. ask him. but anycase I want a letter of apologies from you for your accusation and insults to my siblings. just give your letter to my Maester who is there now then I shall forget about it. Oh your 100 guards should be returned with my Maester and some of escrots also Our men escorted your cousin to here. Now if we are such bad ones why did we not kill your cousin? And your cousin thanked my escorts. Now as you the banner man of Stark we should join together to recover north not qurrel each other first then fight ourself I bet all lords and Lady agree to that. So you should apalogize to my brother and sister then I will forget this whole thing. Lady Min and Emily Whatever you heard about me from Dirji please do not believe him. I know that you always thought of me as a honest lord and treated me with kindness which we rarely get. Oh Lady Emily My Sister escorted your siblings and your pet cat to here safely. Now my sister must go back to war to destroy Pyke. Well wish us luck and Lady Min please sent me 10000 troops or half to recover torrent's square. My banner man is now marching and one of road leads to your city and your men can linke up with Li qui (my banner man the lord of North side of mountain). Ser Gary: It is sad to see you depart but I thank you leaving me with 20000 men with me now victory will be very certain and your men and mine gets incredibly along well.. some are like brothers and you ser after war is done shall we challenge a duel? (just practice match) Oh your men captured one of Balon's lord and currently we are interrogating him. Well We are now figthing to recover Winterfell wish me luck and I may sent you another letter in time to time Oh my Maester Ching Tong Shang who is pure blood of Dorthraki (Maesters at Dred forts are always Pure Dorthraki for generations) will stick around for few days and heal the sick. Please welcome him. He may be aloof, wierd and sometimes vulgar but he is very gentle and warmhearted. Back to Maester: Now my lords With my lord's request I am here to heal the sick and wounded and collect dead...to study my magic. Why I may be healer, battle startegist, adviser, chemist, but I am also a Necromancer who use death magics. Also Lady Min I thank you being friend with my lord. that young boy...oops! Lord was always sullen and was lonely when he was lad... but he found a friend and my lord is very thankful that you would dance with my lord. And I am suprised how you even tamed my youngest master Homuras. He praise you for that and thanking you. Duke Dirji Now where is letter of apalogies for my youngest master and his sister? I want the letter of apalogies and you should write letter of apalogies to my lord. Because currently everyone at mountain dred is very angry with you ser. and some even considered to attack your keep and slaughter every peasants of your keep but my lord refuesed and gave chance to show you the innocence of Lord Homuras and Lady Hanna and now giving you chance to apologize. your aplogies will calm my lords anger and his people(cause one insult to my young lord and his sibling is the insult of our people as well). I will wait but not too long because I shall depart soon. To everyone: Please don't end up dead or I will bring back life by my necromancy keh heh heh heh heh heh!!!! and if you have and dead people well let me take them to my tower to study my magic. Oh by the way as a mysteries you all been wondering the pyromancers of mad king were dissappered right? well my late lord Rishin the father or our current lord captured them and brought back to me (they were confirmed as MIA). I studied them alive (yes open their body to search) yes I did amputations and sort of gross things to satisfy my knowledge. Now I know fire magic. cackling hysterically
KAH User ID: 9209903	May 26th 2:47 AM Jeff: Well, currently I'm residing in Pentos, having gotten away from Westeros by the help of the telemarketing salesmen cartel I made. I'll be traveling between the various Free Cities and Quarth in the near future, no doubt. My financial imperium is on this side of the Narrow Sea, after all (you must have wondered why the Treasury was empty all the time...heheh), and I'll be one of the richest Merchant Prince's around here. This will undoubtedly come in handy, when I'm pondering my swift and sudden revenge over the Usurper and his dogs. When I get my hands on you...ooh, you'll know how the Lannister man I hired has earned his name...'The Tickler'! evil, evil grin Now you'll have to excuse me - I'm preparing to build up an invation army. I see you have already encountered the hosts' 'fifth column'. chuckle You should really try some of the skin cream series they're offering...
Emily User ID: 9084913	May 26th 6:14 AM My Lord Ex-Hand: I must make it clear that in no way was the Women's Democratic Lesbian Socialist Collective showing solidarity with you or with the all-male small Council. We were acting solely on behalf of womankind, though we were naturally sorry to hear of your demise - er, your temporary setback. Needless to say, the Commoner's pathetic attempts to enforce a curfew have been ignored. To all those quaking, cross-legged, wet-trousered men out there: fear not! The WDLSC have voted by a disappointingly large majority - despite Shagga's generous donation of a hundred goats - to leave your manhoods intact for the time being. Needless to say, this is contingent on you abandoning the Commoner and returning home AT ONCE. Maester Ching - kindly convey my heartfelt thanks to Flayed Man and his noble sister for escorting my darling cat to safety. I'm not so grateful for the rescue of my siblings, however...
Jeff User ID: 8506593	May 26th 8:02 AM Lord Hand Dirjj, I have assembled our combined forces to retake the City. This should not be too difficult as the WDLSC seems more interested in holding meaningless little discussions in coffeehouses and listening to folk songs than actually attempting a defense. Of course, the fact that we control all the trained soldiers, arms, and armor might have a _little_ to do with it. BTW, our troops have unanimously rejected the offer of the WDLSC to return to their homes. Those who were married to members of the WDLSC have realized that they weren't really "getting any" anyway, so the threatened withholding of favors was a hollow threat. In any event, most of the troops have taken up with a variety of tavern wenches who seem to have little in common with the unshaven members of the WDLSC.
Hand Dirjj User ID: 9990163	May 26th 8:54 AM I propose that we abolish the Small Council, and set up a triumverate to rule the City (a' la Rome). Jeff and I shall form the first 2 legs, we will be reviewing applications for the third leg. Our first order of business will be to strengthen the city defenses, and train our liberated male levees. I have the feeling that we may have some Northern Illiterates on our border soon, as I have no intention of apologizing to anyone. The warrant for Humouris is still valid. He is to be taken dead or alive. Also, we appear to lack sufficient funds, as our former hand was, as we suspected, padding the ledgers in his favor. As the second order of business, I propose we scrape up our pennies, and hire the esteemed esquires from the law firm of Cheatam and Howe to sue KAH for the return of City Funds. If not, well, at least they can tie up the funds so that he can not use them either. On a side bar, we could welcome KAH back for a small sum of money to be the 3rd leg of our triumverate. :-) ab
Jeff User ID: 8506593	May 26th 9:21 AM Maester Ching, you should inform your lord that Emily is now the head of the Women's Democratic Lesbian Socialist Collective, and undoubtedly would take great offense at being referred to as the "Lady Emily". BTW, I hope that all noted how the allegedly impartial Judge Claidhaim so quickly took sides and opposed me as a traitor. Had he any integrity at all, he would recuse himself from acting as judge during the Duel due to his clear bias against me. Scum! Dirjj, my troops have occupied the City and confined the members of the WDLSC to their various coffeeshops. I propose that Emily be permitted to roam freely as she seems to be a great recruiter for us. Also, I suggest that we infiltrate large quantities of coloring books and crayons to the northerners gathering on our border. That should delay them sufficiently so that they forget why they came south in the first place.
Judge Claidhaim User ID: 9544623	May 26th 9:42 AM Jeff; I only took sides in the matter in the belief that the Hand was acting on the Queen's behalf. As you know, the Hand speaks with the Queen's voice and as a subject to her reign, I must submit. As to the naming of a new Hand, I shall, of course, submit to his bidding as he now speaks with the Queen's voice. 'Tis only just to follow the orders of the Queen, and if I am to be ridiculed for obeying the laws, well then ridicule away.
Jeff User ID: 8506593	May 26th 10:10 AM Listen, you political hack, I am reminded also of an rebuke given to a major in the Prussian army during the regin of Frederick the Great. When the major was criticized for a bonehead attack, he offered the excuse that he was only following orders, to which his general replied "Major, the Emperor made you a major so that you would know when _not_ to obey orders. That being said, I must confess that political hacks have certain virtues. Hmmmm. Lord Dirjj, I propose that we elect Judge Claidhaim as the third member of the triumvirate, said appointment to include the normal perks and stipends associated with such an important position. I am sure that Judge Claidhaim will realize that true solidarity among the members of the triumvirate is essential to the smooth operate of the City, and that any order, ruling, or judgment issued that harmed a fellow member of the triumvirate would not bode well. My, I am really looking forward to that duel.
Emily User ID: 1572034	May 26th 10:13 AM Taken over the city???? Hahahahahahahaha. Jeff...I REALLY hate to break the news to you...but all the men who told you they were leaving to 'occupy' the city were in fact chasing after those tavern wenches. We explained to the so-called 'wenches' the full details of their sexual, emotional and economic exploitation in a male-dominated society, and how joining the WDLSC would require them merely to sing folksongs and to woman the barricades, and - hey presto! - they abandoned Jeff's camp and came over to us! Naturally the thousands of males in hot pursuit were somewhat disappointed to discover on reaching the city that ex-wenches wished to celebrate liberation in the arms of their sisters. There are, however, a number of women who, sadly, have chosen to express their freedom from such patriarchal concepts as virginity, fidelity, chastity, etc by...well...I really don't want to go into details but suffice it to say that the men seem VERY happy with the new arrangements. By the way...love the idea of a triumverate, Dirjj. You and Jeff should rule as fraternally together as Julius Ceasar and Mark Antony did. Now if you'll excuse me, we're just debating whether our heroic stand against the pitiful remnants of Jeff's army should be conducted in the highest tradition of Aung San Suu Kyi and Chai Ling, with non-violent (and therefore non-patriarchal) resistance, or whether we should follow in Joan of Arc and Nymeria's rather more militant footsteps issuing summons to Asha, Brienne, Maeve Mormont (plus pet bear), Lady Oakheart and Arya.
Jeff User ID: 8506593	May 26th 10:17 AM Okay, this has gotten way too deviant for me. I'm out.
KAH User ID: 9209903	May 26th 10:46 AM Well, methinks a break would do us all good...it was getting a bit repetitive even before the later tumults...
Claidhaim User ID: 2581794	May 26th 12:26 PM I don't know, I look forward to hearing from Mountain Dred every now and again.:)
Claidhaim User ID: 2581794	May 26th 12:27 PM Yes, that is me above, apparently when I use a different browser, I get a different ID. Go figure.
KAH User ID: 9209903	May 26th 2:16 PM Well, if FM wants to keep it on, he's welcome to it. I feel kinda burned out...I think I must have posted at least some fifty times here. My creativity is running rather low lately. I think the 'True Hand of the City' needs a long, long vacation. :)
Emily User ID: 0443584	May 28th 6:31 AM If memory serves correctly this will be the last day of Jeff's mortal existence. Smirk We settled on 9am EST, i.e. 2pm GMT. But the Commoner - just to make trouble - started muttering about 9am _his_ EST, including Daylight savings etc. So can someone just confirm what GMT/Board time we will be meeting up? And also that we just need to go to Revanshe's chat room, and even a lowly, inexperienced squire such as myself will be able to log on?