Only Dreaming

This is the first serious fanfic I've written. It's somewhat gory and a bit mushy. It's about the Outer Senshi, and if you're homophobic, you probably shouldn't read this. There's no hentai stuff. I hope you like it. There's not much else to say.

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That night, they were wakened again by Hotaru screaming. Haruka and Michiru leaped out of bed, throwing on housecoats. When they arrived in the child's room, Setsuna was already there, holding Hotaru's hand. Setsuna looked sad and immensely tired. Michiru and Haruka pulled Hotaru into the warm circle of their arms. "What is it, little one?" Haruka asked. "Did you have a bad dream again?" Michiru questioned, kissing the top of Hotaru's head.

"It's awful! Oh, Setsuna-mama, what does it mean?" Setsuna's grip tightened. "I'm -- I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. It was just a dream." Hotaru's head dropped forward with exhaustion. "Yes... I'm sure you're right. I haven't lost anything. It was... only a dream. Only a... dream." Haruka and Michiru laid her back down as she fell asleep.

Outside, they pulled Setsuna aside. "Setsuna, I'm worried," Michiru said. "She hasn't had a single good night's sleep in the last week." "Do you know what could be bothering her?" Haruka asked. Setsuna looked away. "I really can't say. It's probably just a dream."

Haruka and Michiru looked at each other as Setsuna walked away. Neither mentioned the feeling of dread they'd both been having.

* * *

Michiru came into the kitchen, white cotton dress swirling around her calves. "Hotaru, Setsuna, have you seen Haruka?" "She's down by the pond," Hotaru piped up. Setsuna said nothing. "Arigatoh," Michiru called, stepping through the door and onto the path.

* * *

The Daemon crouched, waiting. It was the last of it's kind. The second-last had gone on a rampage and had been destroyed. The last was sure it wouldn't make that mistake. It didn't want to lose its chance at revenge.
It had no more powers left, but it could go the old-fashoned way. It shifted the knife into a better position.
And here was one it wanted to kill. Perfect.

* * *

Michiru walked slowly down the path, seeing Haruka at the end, looking out over the pond. And then she saw the shadow in the bushes, saw light glint from the object in its hand. She started to run. She leaped at the same time as the Daemon did, knocking Haruka away. The Daemon landed on Michiru, and she felt a sudden, sharp pain. She fell the rest of the way over, onto her already-numb side. The Daemon was dragged off her, and she heard the crack of its neck breaking, the gibbering sound as it dissipated. Then Haruka's face came into view, eyes wide and hurt.

Michiru smiled shakily up at her. "It's okay, Haruka. I won't let you die." Why was it suddenly so cold? Why couldn't she focus? She concentrated on what she could see, Haruka's hand frozen in the act of reaching for her. Her own hand shook wildly as she touched it, and she could feel something dribble down her chin. "Don't worry, Haruka. I always loved your hands. I always loved... you..." Her mouth continued moving after the words disappeared, but stopped as the light left her eyes. Her hand fell back down. Haruka's vision blurred. "Michiru?" she whispered. "Michiru?"
She touched Michiru's face. It was already cooling. A primal scream of pure fury and anguish clawed it's way out of Haruka's throat.
"MICHIRU!!!"

* * *

It rained on the day of the funeral. Haruka watched as the coffin was laid into the grave. Rain splattered
on her cheeks, hiding the tears she couldn't help spilling. It was a small service. The other Senshi came, and so did Michiru's parents (they kept glancing hatefully at Haruka, who refused to meet their gaze), but no more than that. Michiru wouldn't have wanted more. She wouldn't have wanted a fuss.

When the ceremony was over, Haruka didn't leave when everybody else did. She still stood in the rain, still as a rock, staring at the tombstone as if to memorize what was written there. Setsuna came up to her. "Haruka, it wasn't your fault." "I could have seen it. I could have been faster. I could have," Haruka bit her lip, tasting blood but not caring, "I could have taken the knife myself, damn it!"

"No, Haruka," Setsuna said, "there is nothing you could have done. You have to let her go now."
"I once promised never to let her go," Haruka whispered.
"That was a long time ago."
"I promised," Haruka said again. All at once, she was a child again, being taunted by the other children. "I promised. I promised."
Haruka shoved Setsuna roughly away. Setsuna could get home by herself.

* * *

Haruka turned over in bed. "Michiru, I just had the most horrible dr... Michiru?" Of course not. Haruka clutched at the empty blankets. "Michiru?" she whispered.

* * *

It was a month after the funeral, and Hotaru had stopped screaming. She hadn't stopped dreaming the dreams, by any means. But she had discovered how much worse it was to have only two of the three people
she loved come to comfort her, one of whom was in no shape to do so. She kept the dreams to herself.
Although they only got worse.Hotaru ran her fingers over Michiru's violin case, absorbing old memories.
"You like the violin?" Michiru smiled at Hotaru. "So do I. This violin is very old. It's my favourite of all I've ever had." The older girl ran her fingers lovingly over the wood, then held it out to Hotaru. "Would you like to try?"
Hotaru reached for the latches on the case, but pulled her hands back as she heard footsteps echo slowly down the hall. She was suddenly afraid that Haruka wouldn't want her looking at Michiru's old things,
and looked desperately for a place to hide. There! Hotaru hid herself in the closet and pulled the door shut
behind her, leaving her in the warm darkness, just as the door to the room opened.

* * *

Haruka closed her eyes and controlled her breathing before stepping into the room where they'd been storing all of Michiru's things. She went absentmindedly over to the stereo system and put a CD in without looking at it. Beautiful violin music began to play. Haruka recognized it. It was a CD that Michiru had made, called 'Love Songs to the Wind'. A sob caught in Haruka's throat as she tore it out and shoved in another. A woman's voice sang:"I threw angry tears at the ocean,But all that came back was the tide.I will, Oh! I will not forget you,And I will never let you go..." Haruka tore that one out, too, and stood breathing harshly for a long while. She picked up a paintbrush, but put it down quickly. The violin case caught her eye. She slowly unlatched it and took out the instrument. The wood felt smooth and comfortable under her fingers. She felt a little more peaceful; it was as though the violin was a part of Michiru. She hesitantly raised the instrument and tucked it under her chin, and lifted the bow to the strings. The violin emitted a tortured screech. Haruka slowly lowered the violing back into its case, shut it, and latched it. "What was I doing?" she wondered aloud. She'd only ever learned piano. So why had she suddenly thought that she could play Michiru's violin?

She saw something else, and picked it up. It was a framed photograph. In it, Haruka swung a laughing Michiru around and around while Hotaru danced around their feet. Setsuna was in the background, sitting under a tree. Haruka remembered how surprised she'd been to see that detail, since Setsuna had been the one taking the picture. Haruka remembered that time all too well.

* * *

Michiru grabbed for Haruka's shoulder as Haruka suddenly turned and lifted her into the air, swinging her around.
"Haruka!" Michiru laughed, clutching at her hat with one hand to keep it from flying away. "Oh, Haruka! Don't drop me!"
"I won't!"
Michiru laughed giddily, letting herself fly free. Her white cotton dress swirled out around her legs. "Oh!"
"Swing her higher, Haruka-papa!" Hotaru shouted. "Swing Michiru-mama higher!"
"Yes, Haruka!" Michiru cried. "Swing me higher! But -- Oh! -- don't drop me! Don't let me go!"
"I won't drop you," Haruka promised as Setsuna laughed and raised the camera to her eye. "I'll never let you go!"

* * *

Haruka's vision blurred and she hugged the picture to her chest, gasping for air. She leaned against the desk and opened the bottom drawer, grasping for what she knew was there. Her hand touched it. Don't worry, Haruka. I always loved your hands. Haruka raised it slowly, letting it brush against her cheek coolly, like a lover's kiss, or a tear dropping onto her face. Tears. Water. Michiru had been the water, as Haruka was the wind. They'd laugh and tease each other into waves and flurries. But now the water was gone, all gone, and there was only one place left for the wind to go.I won't let you die. In her mind, blue eyes widened and laughed at her. Oh! Don't let me go!
"I won't," Haruka promised.
The eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Haruka? Are you going to come to me?
I don't want to be alone anymore. Haruka?
"I'm coming, beloved," Haruka cried. Her finger spasmed.

* * *

In her room, Setsuna closed her eyes as the gunshot rang out.

* * *

Hotaru screamed and fought to get the closet door open. She stepped into the gory room and opened her mouth to scream again, but all that emerged was a hoarse croak. She didn't blame herself. She knew enough about death and destruction to know that Haruka had been slowly destroying herslef, even had Hotaru been able to stop her from shooting. She didn't blame Michiru. Michiru had already done all she could to save Haruka, but had been able to prevent her own death. Either way, Haruka lost.She didn't even blame Haruka. Haruka had proven that she had no will to live without Michiru back when they received their Talismans. It
was unfair to ask Haruka to sacrifice part of her soul and still come out of it whole.
But there was one...
"Damn you!" she screamed, knowing somehow that Setsuna could hear her. "How could you do this to us? Were your goddamn rules more important than your family?"
Setsuna had had plenty of opportunity to stop this whole thing, even if she just said what the dreams meant. She could have stopped this.She should have stopped this.Hotaru's hand shot desperately downwards. "Let's see what's truly important to you..."
She closed her eyes as she raised the gun to her head.

* * *

At the second gunshot, Setsuna walked slowly down the hall. She stopped before she pushed the door open.
In the back of her mind, she was amazed to see how much blood two bodies could hold. She walked slowly over and stopped just before them. Hotaru had landed curled around Haruka's lets, clutching at them in a body's instinctinve struggle for life. Setsuna bent down, all emotions behind locked doors, and gently disengaged Hotaru's fingers. While on a level with the two bodies, Setsuna noticed something that Haruka -- what used to be Haruka, before most of her head had been blown away -- was clutching to her chest. She removed it from the cooling fingers. Four figures laughed out at her.
"Haruka! Oh, Haruka! Don't drop me!"
"I won't!"
Setsuna's heart nearly stopped.
"Oh!"
"Swing her higher, Haruka-papa! Swing Michiru-mama higher!"
"Yes, Haruka ! Swing me higher! But -- Oh! -- don't drop me! Don't let me go!"
Setsuna's fingers clenched on the glass.
"I won't drop you! I'll never let you go!"
The glass of the picture shattered, embedding itself into Setsuna's
fingers. She barely felt it.
Setsuna laughed, raising the camera to her eye to hold this moment
forever. Guiltily, she cheated time just a little to make it a family photo.
"My God," Setsuna whispered. "What have I done to us?"
"Damn you! How could you do this to us? Were your goddamn rules more important than your family?"
"PLUTO PLANET POWER; MAKEUP!"
The moment Pluto's staff touched her fingers, she raised it above her
head. The Orb flashed, illuminating the room.
And then she stepped into time.

* * *

Setsuna walked tiredly down the hall, stopping to listen at two doors. Quiet breathing behind Michiru and Haruka's and hoarser, although still calm, breathing behind Hotaru's told her they were sleeping steadily.
Setsuna knew that she'd get into trouble for changing things, but people would understand. She couldn't let her family die. Not like that. Not when there was a way around it. She couldn't. When Setsuna reached her room, she realized she was still holding the picture. She looked down at is. It was unbroken. Now, there was never any reason for it to have broken, so it hadn't. She would return it in the morning. Right now, she wanted it with her. To remember what could have happened.

* * *

Haruka opened her eyes and stared at the darkened ceiling. She sucked in a breath, and another. She had to check. She had to check, the way she remembered checking every night for the last month. She turned over.
Michiru muttered something in her sleep and put an arm around Haruka. Haruka made a sound deep in her throat. "Michiru?" she asked disbelievingly. "Michiru?!" "Hmm?" Michiru opened her soft blue eyes, then came fully awake as she saw the look on Haruka's face. "Haruka, are you all right? What's the matter? Haruka?" "Are you really there?" Haruka whispered. Fear and rememberance sprung up in Michiru's eyes, then disappeared.
"Yes, I'm here. I'm with you, love. Ara, where else would I be?"
A month of heart-aching emptiness, fear, and lonliness, of missing half a soul, faded from Haruka's mind. Of course. Michiru and Setsuna had come down the path together, and Setsuna had shouted a warning before
Michiru had even seen the Daemon. They'd destroyed it and were all safe. Hotaru's bad dreams had gone away. Haruka was planning on taking all them to the fair, as a surprise.
Haruka's heart filled. The water had come back. She pulled Michiru to her and sobbed for a moment into her aqua hair. She wasn't sure now why she'd been so afraid, and so relieved to find Michiru safe.
Michiru stroked her gently, unsure of what had Haruka so scared but wanting only to comfort her, to make everything better. "Beloved?" she asked. Haruka pulled back and smiled at her, weakly, but with great love and relief. "It was only a dream. You're safe. It never happened. I was only dreaming."
Michiru kissed her lightly on the cheek. "You're all right, then?"
"Yes." Haruka's smile disappeared. "I love you. Don't leave me."
Michiru's eyes widened. She pulled Haruka to her again. "Oh, Haruka. Is that what you're afraid of? I won't. I love you too much."
Haruka looked down at her, something like awe in her eyes. "I was only dreaming," she whispered.
*
The characters property of Naoko Takeuchi and
Kodansha. Used without permission

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