Disclaimer: Buffy and co. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB. The characters contained within this story are borrowed without permission. HOWEVER, we are not making any money off of their use.

From the Diary of Rupert Giles:

***

"Willow, I..." Angel stopped not really knowing how to go on. How do you tell someone they are going to die, and that you are going to kill them? "I know.... I have to make a decision." Willow's voice was low and teary. Forty nine hours ago this wasn't even an issue. They had been coming home from The Bronze. Two nasties came from nowhere, when they had a taste of what Buffy had to give them, they went down into the sewer with Buffy not seconds be hind. Xander had gone with her, leaving Willow and Angel in the rear. Normally Angel would have been close to Buffy's side. But, Xander was in one of his "I am a macho guy" moods and abandoned Willow in the back.

Angel was torn between his duty and love of Buffy, and his friendship with Willow. So, he took her arm and dragged her through the sewer, stopping in the middle so Willow could catch her breath. That's when the world fell down.

It fell down in great sheets of dust and concrete. The floor heaved and jumped, tossing Angel and Willow about. The end of the world only lasted about three minutes.

For the first couple of hours, Angel had his hands full, digging Willow out of a pile of dust and dirt. Bruised and battered but otherwise okay, she came to, mumbling, earthquake and 7.0. However, that was forty nine hours ago. Long enough for someone to realize they were gone or where to look for them. Long enough for rescue, if there was any. They both tried to dig out, going a couple of feet. Hands, sore from digging didn't last long. Willow, tired from lack of water and sleep, had to stop.

Slowly, Angel came to the realization, that wasn't going to be any rescue, not soon anyway. He knew he could last indefinitely, have just fed the day of the earthquake. Willow, was another story. She bravely kept up her spirits on the first day, but gradually lapsed into long silences. She was smart, no, aware. Willow knew that the air was getting stale, and if she didn't get water, or rescue, she would eventually die.

There was that idea. Angel sensing her loss of hopefulness, made a casual remark. In his mind, it was preferable to a lingering death. Willow became quiet, after he suggested it. Hours passed before she spoke again. And when she did speak it was with anger, and bitterness. Angel respected her silence and did not speak until she was ready to talk. He would often touch her on the shoulder, just to confirm to himself that she was still alive.

Forty nine hours. Every second ticking down to an answer. Time was not so much of an enemy to Angel. He patiently waited, a second just a flash in the long life he had yet to live. Time was pushing on Willow, making every breath, every heart-beat unbearable. Combine that with the uncertainly of how family and friends were, the atmosphere was tense.

He finally said something, his voice sounding loud to him, in the close s pace. "Willow, I will do everything in my power to make you as comfortable as I can." His eyes glowed in the partial darkness. "I am here with you. You aren't alone.." He took her small hands into his. A hot tear splashed on to his hand. "Are you crying Willow?" he turned up her head with his hand on her chin. "You can sleep on your decision, okay?"

He gathered her up into his arms. She resisted a little, but finally snuggling up against him, she fell into a light sleep. Angel watched her for a while, silently comparing her and Buffy. Buffy was beautiful, untouchable. Her beauty and her innocence touched something in Angel. However, Buffy was always unsure of herself, as she was brave in times of crisis. Buffy felt apart of life. She as much as made herself lonely. Willow was down to earth, practical, smart. She was everyone's friend. As much as they were opposites, Willow and Buffy found friendship with each other, easily. Angel dozed off and on dreaming of both of them.

***

Willow wasn't all the way asleep. Her thoughts tumbled together one by one, making it even harder for her to decide. The inner turmoil was giving her a headache....

I'm going to die. I can't believe it. Angel is here, but there is nothing he can do. I'm glad he's holding me. I'm scared. I don't want to die. It started out as always, with Buffy going after a couple of vamps that j umped us outside of the Bronze. Buffy pursued them in to the sewers, with Xander close behind. He must of been trying to prove he was just as brave as Angel. Angel didn't look happy about being left behind, so he grabbed my hand and we r an after our friends. Down in to the sewers.

I had to rest for a minute. Angel was okay with that, thankfully. I didn't want to be alone down here. Then the earthquake hit. Dust was everywhere. I couldn't breathe; I couldn't see. Parts of the walls were falling around us. Then everything went dark. I awoke when Angel dug me out of the debris. He made sure I was okay. We were trapped in a six foot section of the sewer. I was worried about the others; but they weren't trapped with us. I hoped and prayed that Buffy and Xander were okay, and looking for us.

I was all right until the first day had passed. I was so sure someone would find us. It didn't happen. Angel was being so considerate, trying to keep my spirits up, but he knew. And I knew, deep down, that I was in trouble. I just wasn't ready to admit it yet.

We tried to dig our way out. We didn't get far, even with Angel's vampiric strength. He kept going long after my muscles would take no more. There was just too much dirt and debris in the way. The dust from the digging was making it hard for me to breathe, too.

I tried not to think about it, but I was scared. I mean, here I was, trapped in a six foot section of the sewer with a vampire. Angel had always been friendly to me, but what would happen when he got hungry? Would he be able to control his urges, or would I be the next meal?

A small part of me was going bonkers over the fact that I was trapped and alone with Angel. I had to admit, I had fantasies of being in such a position with Xander. I hoped that Buffy would forgive me for what I was thinking now. If only Xander had been with me instead of Angel.

Then he made the offer. He would make me a vampire, and I would be okay no matter how long it took someone to find us. I was horrified. I didn't want to be a vampire. I was afraid of vampires. I was yelling at him, telling him to keep away from me, and I didn't hear what else he was saying. I punched him as hard as I could, and he ignored it.He just held me while I struggled, and whispered soothing words in to my ear. It felt good when he was stroking my hair.

When I calmed down, he tried again. Angel told me that he could bring me across, and that I could keep my soul. He knew of a way, the way the gypsies did to him. What did he call it? Oh right, "The Ritual of Souls". What would happen to me if he messed it up? I only had to see the look in his eyes to know the answer.

The Ritual was quite simple, actually. Angel explained that he would need to draw a circle in the ground. I would have to remain inside the circle during the Ritual. Of course, he would have to bite me, and drain my blood. Then I would drink some of his blood to complete the Ritual. If it worked, and he assured me it would, I would be a vampire with my soul intact. I had to admit, I was curious - I asked him why he had never told anyone about this. He just replied that the time wasn't right.

I couldn't think clearly, nor did I want to talk to him. I was so angry - at him, at Buffy, at getting involved with this Slaying business. And I was angry at myself. I had gone in to this with my eyes open, and now it was time to pay for it.

I desperately wanted to go back to mousy old Willow - to the nice, safe little world I had created for myself. I didn't want to die! It was so damn unfair! It wasn't supposed to end this way! Why me?

Damn you Buffy! Why did you have to come here? And as for you, Xander why are you such a stupid ass? I LOVED you! I practically threw myself at you, and you couldn't see it. Why were you so fucking blind? Why am I angry at both of them? I kept raging at them for almost a day; not speaking, not caring, and trying not to think about what Angel had offered me. He didn't say much to me for almost twenty-four hours. He would squeeze my shoulder, or hold my hand, trying to show his concern for me. He never tried to persuade me in any way - the choice would be mine, and mine alone. It was comforting to know that he was there.

The air was starting to get bad, and I knew that I would have to decide.

Soon.

It was one hell of a decision - death, or death eternal. And I just wasn't ready to do it. I didn't want to be a - thing - that Buffy would have to kill.

I wasn't sure that she could bring herself to do it. I didn't want to put her in that position. And I didn't want to be something that would want to kill her. I cried. I prayed. I hoped that someone would find us. I hoped that my parents were okay. I tormented myself by going over Angel's offer in my mind repeatedly. He could make me a vampire, and I could keep my soul. I would be just like him. Would I end up just as lonely? What would happen if it didn't work? Would he kill me to protect himself?

I wondered about hundreds of things. How would blood taste? Where would I get it? Would Angel stay with me, only to abandon me to go with Buffy? Would he look at me any differently because I would live forever, and could always be with him? Could he-would he - fall in love with me?

Angel hadn't said much since he had told me about the ritual. He had held me when I cried, and even when I slept, but he was smart enough to realize that I just needed to think. His patience was oddly soothing.

I was numb. I was afraid. And I was ready. There was no other way.

***

Fifty five hours. Willow could hardly keep herself awake now. Starvation, suffocation, or..... What a decision! Was it a selfish desire? Should she just let go? Angel never said a word of encouragement. Being with Buffy, Willow knew the dangers, drawbacks. Her thoughts drifted to her parents and Xander. All those times she hung on his every word, did things that she was ashamed of, just because he thought it would be fun. Still stuck with him when he got a crush one this girl, and that girl, and then lately, Buffy. Yeah he was still fiends with her, but would dump her for this cute face, or that one. Xander was a good friend as long as he needed her.

Willow thought on, facing one reality after another. Rolling and turning her life over and over in her mind. Time was running and running out! "Willow please!" Angel burst out, running out of patience, finally. "You are running out of ...of....life!"

She was not Buffy, but she was still a friend. Her insights into his world sometimes were shattering. His anguish was starting to become plain. She HAD to make a decision. "Will...will it hurt?" her voice was low, he could hardly hear her. Angel held her tighter. "Oh my poor Willow..." her body was cooling. Warmth, was being replaced, slowly. "I will be gentle, I promise." Buffy never needed him like this. It was...interesting these feelings of protection, welling up inside him.

"Willow, you know what's involved." "I'm afraid. The demon."

"No! I can't do that anymore." He passed her his amulet. "Not even Buffy knows have this." She took it and stared at it. "It's for the ritual. You think about it. I have to get ready."

Angel drew a circle on the floor with his hand. In the small pocket they had, the circle took up almost all of it. Inside the circle, he started etching small symbols in the dirt. Carefully, and with great detail, he silently drew what he hoped would be a lifeline for Willow.

In his time, it was called "The Ritual of Souls". The gypsies effectively ended his brutality and turned his afterlife into hell. The amulet he wore was a constant reminder of things he did when he hadn't a soul. This ritual he studied intensely. At first, trying to reverse the effects to soothe his tormented soul. Then as the years rolled by, it became habit to study the spells of the gypsies. Angel often wondered if he would have to use this to save Buffy. But now it would be used to save Willow.

Angel first drew a large circle in the dirt. The circle represented life, and it's tendency to go around and around. On the outside of the circle were a series of glyphs. They represented protection and binding. On the inside he drew four things. The gypsies called it the corners. One was a pentagram at the top where Willow's head would lie the was the air. On the right side, a circle with a cross inside, to signify the heaven above and the earth below. On the left side he drew fire. On the bottom, the symbol for water.

He looked over at her. Willow had curled herself into a tight ball. Her knees were close to her chest. "I'm ready. We must do this before the flashlight runs out." She was unresponsive. "Willow, please? We must do something. I won't let you suffer either way."

When Willow looked up, her face was wet. She held her hand out. Angle grasped it, and pulled further, gathering her lithe body to his. Together they stepped into the circle. Angel, holding her in his right arm, took a small penknife, and made a cut crosswise in his left wrist. Blood welled and lingered on his arm. Droplets formed and fell to the dirt. Mumbling, the spell, the same curse that held him, Angel took one last long look at Willow, her body already chilling in his arms. It was time...

Her skin was smooth on her neck. The amulet rested in the hollow below her chin. Angel took a deep breath, and ran his tongue over his fangs. He hesitated, "Please.." was all she whispered.

He bit into the softness of her neck, easily piercing the skin. She gasped, her arms curling around his body. It had been a long time since he had done this, he almost forgot the spell. In his mind he said the words over and over again. "Mother goddess Father above" the first part of the curse, willing Willow's soul to stay within her.

Willow's blood tingled in his mouth, sweet, salty, divine. She neither yelled nor screamed, but clung to him. His mouth felt warm against her chilly skin. The more he feasted on her, the more she clung to him. Her soft gasps and cries no longer held the note of fear, but the stirrings of desire.

The life in her was draining. Angel kept the sadness he was feeling at bay. The taste of her was electric. He pulled his mouth from her, reluctantly, her blood smearing his chin and face. She was limp in his arms. Gently he sat with her in the circle, and put his gashed arm to her lips, and let a small trickle drop into her open mouth.

As the drops pooled on her tongue and slid down her throat, Willow stirred. Her hands weakly grabbed his wrist, and she drew the arm to her mouth, and sucked the open wound. The feeling of her mouth and tongue gently coaxing his blood into her throat was like fire in his head. Waves of intense pleasure soared through him. In spite of himself Angel moaned out loud. His sex grew hard and twitched with intensity. No other being in this world could do this to him. Not in his centuries of life had this feeling of intense arousal ever claimed him like this.

***

Xander sat, his back to the hard boards of the Rosenburg's back porch. He spent quite a bit of time just looking at the sky, wondering......

Hey God- Do you recognize the voice? I wasn't sure if you would, since I don't really get around to praying very often. There was the time in the sixth grade...and then a couple of years ago when I had that date with Angela...but I know that the last time was when Buffy got killed by the Master. The entire time I was trying to bring her back, all I could think was 'please, God...save her. I need her.' And I thought that I did. So you brought her back for me, and it's not that I'm not grateful, but I kind of need your help again.

Sometimes I wonder if it is humanly possible to be quite this stupid. There we were, helping Buffy to fight off a couple of nasty vamps...and when we finally got away from them, went underground to escape, I latched onto Buffy. I mean, you already know this--but Buffy is not the type to need a knight in shining armor. She can take care of herself--she didn't need my help at all. But Willow did. I left her behind, though. The world was coming down all around us, but Buffy and I managed to get back out of the sewers, back onto solid ground.

After spending several minutes hugging Buffy, who actually seemed frightened for once, I noticed that Willow and Angel weren't with us. To say that my heart leapt into my throat is an understatement.

I wanted to go back down into the sewer, but Buffy wouldn't allow me to. She said that nothing could have survived the quake, and I noticed a catch in her voice. She was crying silently, probably thinking of Angel. She insisted that we find Giles. To neither of our surprises, he was still at the school library. He managed to calm Buffy somewhat...but I wouldn't let anyone come near me.

While Giles called Willow's parents to let them know what had happened, I decided to sit down and do some serious thinking. There could only be two possibilities, I guessed. Either Willow was dead, crushed by falling rocks and choked by debris, or she was still alive and trapped. The idea that she might be alone or that she might have had to die alone just ripped at my heart...like a cat clawing a tree, shredding the bark a little at a time. And then I had an amazing revelation- -one that I wish I never had.

There was one more possibility that I could think of. Willow was with Angel.

They were together, trapped below the street. Cold, scared...and hungry. I really hate Angel. I've never made any secret of that. And even though he helped me find Buffy on the night that the Master attacked her, I still haven't forgiven him for, well...I still haven't forgiven him for being alive. I know that Buffy believes in his 'I'm so gentle because I have a soul' story... but I am still really skeptical. If he were pushed, if he hadn't eaten for awhile...like right now, for instance, what would he do? So even if Willow wasn't already dead, what if Angel decided to bite her? What if he took her blood because he didn't think there was any chance that they might be saved? One time, I accused Willow of having too many thoughts. This time, it's me that is thinking too much...and as much as I don't want to, I can't help it.

You better be listening to me! I know that you don't owe me anything...but Willow--she's another story entirely. I was too stupid to help her, but you can save her. I know that you can.

Xander wiped his face with the back of his hand, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

***

Willow sucked strongly now. Her mouth tightly closed on his wrist. Since the curse had taken over, Angel never sought to bring anyone over, until now.

He was unprepared for the reaction that it created in him. His erection strained against his jeans, causing an relentless yearning, and craving. He kissed her hair gently. It was almost time for the last part of the spell.

He pried her off his wrist. Willow cried softly indicating her need. As he laid her out in the circle, her head and eyes followed the open gash. Angel pressed her head to the dirt, and told her not to move. He stepped out of the circle and said the words he had studied so often since the curse. Most of the words were hungarian. He spoke some of the spell haltingly. The demon howled in her head, and fought with the soul that was Willow. However, the soul was stronger, and not going anywhere. Willow's body glowed, as Angel raised his hands. "MEGGYUJT MOST!" his voice rang out through the small cavern. A fine mist swirled, from the tips of his hands, and settled on her body. As the mist softened and died, the glow around her body faded. Angel waited...

He must have dozed off. A cool calm settled over him as the glow of Willow's body faded. the anxiety that had crept up on him throughout those long hours had ebbed away, and he fell into sleep easily. He woke suddenly when he felt the pressure of Willow's mouth on his wrist again. He chuckled softly and let her do it. She looked up at him, her eyes displaying guilt and a slight hint of hunger.

Angel was pleased to see no sign of the demon on her face. He laid back down on the dirt, and sighed.

***

It must have been a couple of hours later. He woke slowly, it was dark now, the flashlights went out shortly after the ceremony. There was enough ambient light, around to see. Of course his vision was heightened. Willow had crawled into his arms and had settled there. Angel tightened his arms around her, remembering what had happened. She stirred a bit, and sighed. What would happen when they had a chance to talk? Teaching her the ways of being a creature of the night was a certainty. How would she react? When they were finally freed, would she beg for release? and would Buffy be the one to end her friend's eternity of suffering. Suddenly that protective urge took him over again, and Angel pulled Willow to him even more closely.

He hadn't know Willow very long. All his attentions and feelings were on Buffy. So he didn't really know this girl he brought over. All he knew, was that the experience had been erotic, as well as spiritual. Was Willow dreaming? What did she think about? It didn't take a genius to know that she was in love with Xander. It also didn't take a genius to know that Xander was throwing away love for the sake of a pretty face. He studied her sleeping face. Willow's skin had the texture of marble, fine grained and ivory colors. Her neck was smooth and creamy, and oh so soft.... Angel reached out to touch it, running his curled hand down the side of Willow's face. So different from the California grown beauty of Buffy. Willow had an ethereal aura about her. Now, even more so.

Why did he not see this before? Angel, before he knew it, was kissing Wil low lightly on the cheek. His lips lingering against the chilled skin, savori ng it's texture. She moved slightly, and Angel sought her lips. Lightly at first, his lips seeking a response. She opened her eyes, and surprised, kissed him back, her lips molding to his. Inwardly he sighed. Angel moved slightly and she slid down a bit, her arms circling his shoulders. He lifted his head, "Willow..I...oh...Willow!" His voice was harsh with unspent emotion.

"Angel, I know. I understand." She whispered. Angel just looked at her. She ran her hands over his changed face, lingering here and there. Her eyes, were shining, without fear. He kissed the tips of her fingers, nipping at them. Still looking into her face, he gently touched her breast, through her torn clothing. Willow closed her eyes, and for the first time, her face changed. It was beautiful, it took his breath away, this reaction to his caress. Angel saw it happen many times with former lovers, however, this time was different... Something formless welled up in him, he crushed his lips to Willow's Time stopped it's forward march, and they were lost. He slipped her torn top over her head, and hungered for her lips again. She was responding eagerly. However, Angel had a sudden feeling of guilt. Willow was young, freshly crossed over, not knowing yet what was to come. He stopped abruptly, and raised his head, "Willow, I.... I want to love you, but.. Buffy..."

Willow lifted herself up a bit, and kissed him tenderly. "I understand. I do!" she said. "We should stop before things go too far." Her eyes held the suspicion of unshed tears.

Angel sighed and touched her hair. "Things are going too fast. You don't realize what's happened to you." he said as he let her sit up. Willow covered herself with her torn top. She bowed her head, "No one's ever touched me before." she whispered. Angel could barely hear her. "Not Xander, not anyone."

Angel reached out and held her to him. Damn those protective feelings, damn Xander! "Xander's a jerk!" he said harshly. "If he knew what he had."

"Angel, it's okay. He'll never love me now." Willow suddenly cried. "Now that I'm a vampire right?" His arms tightened around her. Nameless feelings crossed and crossed again in his mind. "Oh Willow what have I done? The words burst out of Angel. Together they cried. Mourning their lost lives.

Sometime later, when they had cried out their fears to one another, they lay side by side, spooned against one another. Angel without knowing it, was kissing Willow's hair. He had a new appreciation of her, and she, him. She moved in him arms, kissing his hand. Despite his resolution not to love her, his body had other ideas. Willow must have known, Willow suddenly sat up and faced him. Angel held his breath, not wanting to earn her displeasure now that they were experiencing a new intimacy.

Willow's eyes held an incredible look of tenderness. Angel wondered at the sight of it. This time, she took her top off herself. She took his hand, and gently laid it on her breast. "Willow, we...we shou." he said, his voice shaking with emotion. "Shhh," She interrupted him. "I want to Angel. I may never get another chance."

She stood up in the small space and took off the rest of her dusty clothes. Angel was afraid to look at her changed face. Her feet were only inches from him. He leaned over, and kissed her feet softly. Willow sighed, and whispered, her voice strangely calm in the darkness. "I'm not Buffy, and you're not Xander." Angel moved up and kissed her shins. "I need you." He kissed her knees, his hands and arms curling around her body.. "If you can love me for me..." He responded by kissing her thighs, and gently moving them apart.

Making love to another vampire for him was like being with a wild animal. Without their souls, vampires are wild animals. He was afraid for another human whom he loved, there would never be a chance for intimacy. It was just too dangerous. what if he changed, what if he did damage to his lover, or worse, Buffy. As different as this was, he was afraid for Willow as well. And there were those feelings for Buffy. He pushed the thoughts away into the darkness, knowing there wasn't a way out for him.

Willow gasped as he buried his face in her. Her knees almost gave way, when he found that place of delight, and touched it gently with his tongue, circling slowly. He brought her to the brink, when he realized his own painful need. Angel stopped his onslaught. Willow, was still arching her back, was close to orgasm. He kissed his way up to her open mouth, lingering here and there, giving her nipples a nip, with the tips of his fangs. He eagerly devoured her, chuckling softly as their fangs clicked in the darkness.

Angel entered her, slowly, looking at her face for signs of pain, but was rewarded with a look of wonder, mixed with a puzzled look. Her sighs of pleasure filled the small space and pierced his ears, brain, and body. Feelings of joy, and belonging chased away the last vestiges of guilt he had been feeling for a long time. Willow's body flushed, and tensed, moaning into his open mouth. When she came, it was with lips locked on his, arms, and bodies close together. It was her release, and that incredible look of desire on her face that trigged him. His orgasm was no less spectacular than hers. Spent, they collapsed into each other's arms.

In the end, Willow gave herself to him in a way Buffy never could. She wholeheartedly loved him without anguishing over the details. Willow didn't hold back a part of herself, always wondering who to trust, who to love, what she was. The love they made, was spiritual, physical, intimate. And afterwards, in the chill darkness, Willow sighed quietly in his arms, drifting into sleep. In the 200 years that he had been alone, Angel convinced himself, that to purge his sins, he must be alone. What a waste he thought now, looking at Willow's sleeping form. Now and forever, he would always cherish the moments they spent together. Forever he would regret parts of his wasted life. He stared into the darkness thinking about freedom, and it's consequences.

***

Several times that long night they made love, grabbing the bit of life they felt they had left. Angel felt more and more at ease. Willow slipped into the life he created for her seamlessly. Or so he thought.

"Angel?" She whispered.

"Uh hummm?" Came the relaxed reply.

"Have I taken advantage of you?"

He laughed, "No silly, it's the other way around."

"Are you laughing at me?" She punched him on the shoulder, he grinned and grabbed her hand.

"No, you made a joke. Are you feeling guilty?"

"No, I feel, well, I feel...... she snuggled closer to him. "I feel strange. I am dead, right? How come I don't feel sad?" She had her usual look of innocence and curiosity on her face that Angel had seen so many times.

"You will. You'll feel sad. Don't worry, I won't leave you alone."

"You won't? I wouldn't blame you if you did. I mean, Buffy, and all." Angel became silent at the thought of Buffy. What did Buffy mean to him? He held Willow closer as he faced the truth about his relationship with Buffy. She was his own personal Mount Everest. The thing he could not have. The person he needed to prove that he was still human, and not a freak! Angel realized that in some way, he was just like Xander, always going for something he could not have, a normal life, with a normal person. Here was another truth lying in his arms, Willow. He felt an intensity for her he never felt before. Here she was, all the time. He tangled his hand in hers, brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"If I truly loved Buffy," he began, "I would not be making love to you now."

"I'm not dreaming?"

"No, I'm sorry, you're not dreaming. You have regrets?" he asked, trying to keep the fear out of his voice.

"Yeah, a whole bunch of them. But now.." Willow's voice trailed off as she considered something. Then she shook her head firmly.

"You can't cry over what you can't fix. Giles would say that." She kissed Angel's arm that was wrapped around her. "You can't miss what you didn't have."

Willow fell into a momentary silence. "I will miss my parents. I loved them." She bowed her head, and silently cried. Angel just held her, rocking back and forth, cooing. They fell asleep together.

A soft rumbling movement awakened Angel immediately. He quickly searched in the darkness for Willow. Normally she would be up against him, but in the hours that proceeded their talk, she had rolled away. There was sudden silence.

"Willow?"

"I'm okay." She touched his shoulder lightly. "That was an aftershock." But, she had not even finished her sentence, when their world broke apart. Willow pulled Angel back as the roof of their small quarters broke apart! Choking dust filled the small cavity, and when the rumbling stopped, Angel found himself lying on the ground covered with debris. Willow frantically dug him out, and covered his face with kisses.

"Hey, hey! I'm okay, I'm okay!" He said, squinting a bit from the dust in his eyes. Was it the dirt in his eyes, or was it moonlight, shining in Willow's hai r?

"Angel, the aftershock opened a vent up there!"

He followed the line that her finger made, up to the ceiling. There was a three-foot opening. They could reach it, but there was no way to tell how much night they had left, and how much work it would take to dig. There was al so a danger of collapse. It was a way out, but it was filled with so many ifs. "We have to do something!" Willow said putting her hands on the sides of Angel's face. "I'm hungry! You're hungry!"

She went to the sides of the hole and started to pull the dirt down. "We have a chance to get out. Don't just sit there!"

Together, they managed to clear a lot of dirt away from the hole. Willow suggested they not dig up, but dig outwards, increasing the size of the hole. They both knew they were in for an agonizing death, either from starvation, or the sun coming up. So they ignored complaining muscles, and dug, using parts of the ceiling for trowels.

Angel shoved himself up first, he climbed up at least six feet, making the hole bigger with his feet. At the top, he grabbed handfuls of grass, and heaved himself up on the cool ground. The horizon was just showing lightness, and Angel calculated that they had about a half-hour of darkness left.

Willow took a little longer to reach the top. She wasn't used to climbing, and she slipped down a few times, scraping her arms on the dirt. Once on the grass, there was no time, to linger, Angel grabbed her hand and they ran. Faster than Willow thought she could ever run. Sunnydale flashed past them. It was terrifying, racing the sun.

***

We made it to my apartment just before sunrise. Lucky thing. What a waste it would have been to save Willow from death underground, only to have her burn up in the sun's rays. Tired, hungry, dirty...we must have been a sight.

I made Willow take the first shower. I could handle the dirt, and I knew she would be hurting. I still wasn't sure if she was fully aware of what we had done. It would take a while for the truth to sink in, that she would never have a normal life again. A shower wouldn't change the way things were, but it couldn't hurt.

I busied myself with finding a meal for the two of us. The hunger ate at me like acid and I knew if would be worse for Willow. She was newly crossed over, still not in control of the urges that would wrack her body.

Someone had been in the room, slept in my bed. I wondered who it could be. Then my eyes fell on the note, and the rose. Buffy had been here. I was sure of it. Before I even saw the handwriting. Before my hand held the tear-stained paper...I knew. A little fearful, I picked up the note. It was a poem. Short, but amazingly poignant in it's simplicity.

I looked up, feeling guilty that Willow might find me reading it. The his of the shower had just started, so discovery was not possible yet. I read on.

It was a ripple that spread from you to me. It was that small part of you that spread delicious sunlight to my twilight life. The ripple blended, became us.

It was simple, short, but it had the impact of a bomb. I clutched at my chest as if to keep my heart from beating, or breaking. That feeling for Buffy still lingered inside of me. It hurt to think that she was missing me so much, when I hardly missed her. Thoughts of Willow tumbled with thoughts of Buffy.

I felt my soul shudder, as I read of her love for me. I felt the tears spring up in my eyes, as her words brought her beautiful face into my mind. I thought of her and I could have wept for all the things that we could never be to each other. The thought of her still made my body ache.

Like a crashing wave, I felt the memories bury me. And I almost cried out for her, the girl that I could never have. The sound of the shower broke through my reverie. And the thought of Willow overwhelmed me. Soft, sweet Willow.

But I loved Buffy, didn't I? Hadn't I always? Wouldn't I for the rest of my life...or death? I wasn't sure anymore. The one thing that I could always count on, my love of Buffy seemed like a dream when I thought of Willow. Willow was real. She was attainable. Something that I could love, someone that I could hold. Buffy was a dream. With her I could never let myself go. I could never love completely. I would always be afraid.. of hurting her, or of forcing myself on her. I was a monster. How could she ever be happy with me?

But Willow. Willow could understand. She could love me with no reservations and I her. I dropped the note, guilt pounding against me. Buffy had been worrying about me, spending her nights here in my bed. Loving me. Wishing for me.

I had spared her barely a thought, concerned only with myself and Willow. Buffy still loved me, but I...I couldn't truly say that I was in love with her anymore. I would always cherish her, care for her. She would always be a part of me.

But Willow was the name that filled my heart. She was the one that I could not get out of my head. And she was the one I had made love to. I had never felt safe letting myself go that far with Buffy. But with Willow it was different. Still, how could I have done it? Would I have done it if I had known that we would survive? I thought of Willow's lips on mine and I knew that truth. I would do it again in an instant.

The water still ran in the bathroom. Lost in my own thoughts I hadn't even realized that she was still in there. "Damn that girl takes a long shower," I muttered, suddenly worried, wondering if she was alright.

***

Angel knocked on the door of the bathroom. "Willow, are you going to wash away?" There was no answer. He rattled the doorknob, expecting it to be locked, it wasn't. Steam wafted out into the chilled hallway. He looked into the shower, it was on, and Willow was crumpled at the bottom, sobbing her heart out. It hit her in the midst of doing something normal, how her life had changed. Suddenly it was hard to think of it, the loss and the weight of her decision hit her, and he emotions switched on. Angel quickly dived into the shower and gathered her up in his arms. His clothes, wet and muddy, were hampering him, and he just as quickly took them off. Angel let her cry.

Willow allowed him to wash her hair, and rinse her off. He lifted her to the rug in the bath, and had to hold her up to towel her off. Angel found it enjoyable to wash her, and it would have been even more so, had she not been so upset. There was time for that, time for everything. He then carried her half-sobbing half-hiccuping body into the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed. "Oh my poor Willow!" He whispered. "My poor, poor, Willow."

Angel smoothed her hair over her forehead. He had set a mug on the bedside table a little earlier, and he now brought it to her lips and told her to drink deeply. She drank the entire mug, not knowing, not caring what she drank. Exhausted, she sank down into the bed, her eyes closed, still shivering. Angel, held her hand tightly until he was sure she was asleep. The weariness that had been pressing on him since he had jumped in the shower with Willow, had finally taken it's toll. He almost fell asleep on the floor. He had just laid down on the bed, and put his arms around her, when he dropped into a deep sleep.

***

A gnawing hunger woke him slowly. Angel tried to ignore it, but eventually it brought him all the way awake. If he was hungry, he expected Willow to be famished! His eyes drifted to a clock on the wall, it was a bit after midnight.

He rolled over to Willow's side of the bed, to wake her. She was gone. His senses detected no other presence, or movement in his small apartment. Angel jumped out of bed and started looking for his clothes.

"God Damn it!" he swore as he pulled on his jeans, over his sore and bruised body.Vampires heal quickly, but not that quickly. "I don't even know where to look!"

If the truth be known, he was anxious, ready to panic. He feared that the spell did not work, and Willow's demon was out hunting her friends. He searched the apartment for a note, there wasn't any. Her clothes, still muddy and torn were lying on the bathroom floor. One of his shirts and a pair of his jeans were missing.

Willow was out hunting, hunting for memories. She was grateful to Angel for saving her life, and sorry that she was bothering him. He seemed to care for her a little bit. Willow wished she had never seen Buffy's poem, lain so casually next to the bed. It made her past, present, and future seem like it was happening at the same time. She knew she had to make her own way in the world, and was not prepared to do it.

The first stop, her home. It had people living in it, but it was still empty, in her mind. Her stuff, her clothes, and her life were in there, safe and sound. But, Willow was out in the cold, lonely and alone.

***

I want to cry, but I can't. I read the note. I didn't know Buffy wrote poetry. Why didn't he tell me about this? Fury rose within me as I crumpled the note and threw it on the floor. At least I was able to keep the tears from spilling over.

I thought he loved me. Was he lying to me in the sewer? Is he just using my body? We spent five days down there, and this is what happens? Damn him, anyhow!

Once again, I'm on my own. His caring, his words, mean nothing!

I left the apartment and went walking. Angel would probably be worried when he realized that I had left. I didn't really care. All my life, I had always worried about other people's feelings. Now, I'm free of that. It feels so good, it's almost orgasmic. Is this what it's like to be a vampire? No worries, no cares, just reveling in the feelings? I think I could like it. I stop by my house. No lights are on, and the car is gone. Where are mom and dad?

Willow peeped into the window of her bedroom. It was just a chance to visit her past, one more time. She easily slid the window open. It was always left open for Xander to visit. There were many a night when they would talk until the wee hours. Willow installed a latch, the window would open a few inches, and then it was easy just to trip it and slide the window all the way open. Willow knew her parents were aware of the latch, and didn't care.

She stepped into her old bedroom. With her new senses, she knew no one was home. Still Willow kept quiet, and filled her back pack with things from her child hood, stopping often to wipe away the tears. Only a few things went in there. Her laptop, a picture of her, Xander, and Buffy in happier times, A raggedy bear, a locket from her parents, and her best pair of overalls. Willow hugged them to her body, remembering the trip with her mom to find them.

"I miss them. Will I ever be able to see them, maybe just a glimpse through the window at night?"

The bed was still neatly made, but just a little rumpled. "Has Xander been sleeping here, thinking of me?" she wondered, tears stinging her eyes. Willow wished she could come back, but she knew it wouldn't be a good idea. The few things she would manage to take tonight would be all. If she took anymore, someone might miss them, and start to question.

She took a long last look at the room. It was then she noticed the rose. It was innocent, and still fresh. Not like the rose Buffy left for Angel which w as dried, and withered. It looked fresh picked. It was on her pillow, nestin g against a pile of notes, and letters. The color was blush, and it still h ad its thorns. Willow quickly glanced at a couple of the notes. Xander had writt en them.

"He isn't much of a poet." Willow mused, "but the feelings he expresses - why couldn't he have told me this before?"

Picking the rose up, she noticed the mirror opposite her bed, and was sho cked to find she had no reflection. She still felt like her, nothing had changed, nothing! She put her hand to her mouth to stop herself from screaming.

"This will be just another facet of my new existence that I will have to get used to." Willow thought glumly. She read another of his notes, hearing his voice in her head as she read the words. "Oh, Xander, why couldn't you tell me this before?"

She hurriedly crammed the notes and the rose in her backpack, and stumbled out of the window.

***

Angel burst into the library at the school. In his agitation, he hardly realized that he had changed into his "game face". He went through the school like a mad man. But alas, no Willow. He was lucky he did not run into any of the others. Angel was GLAD he didn't run into the others, alive or dead. It meant that Willow hadn't hunted them yet.

"Would she go home?" he asked himself.

***

Once out in the cool air, Willow tilted her face up to the moon. When her natural senses ceased, her supernatural ones took over. As much as it was horrible, as the same time, it was wonderful. it was like never being tired, or suffering from a cold. Willow felt she could run all night and even fly.

It was freedom she never had before in her life. If she weren't weighed down with sadness, she could have flown.

She stepped onto the street. A tangy, sweet smell filled the air. Willow knew instinctively that it was blood. There were vampires feeding nearby. The blood smelled good, the hunger pangs started again.

She shoved them to the recesses of her mind and went around to the front of the house. As she did, her new senses warned her that another vampire was coming closer, and fast. She ducked behind some bushes and peered out in to the darkness, thankful for her vampiric vision. Her mind was a chaotic jumble of thoughts and feelings, some of which she didn't understand.

"Would this be my first fight with a vampire? Would it be my first meal?" She wondered as she watched closely as a shape loomed out of the darkness. The vampires "signature" suddenly felt familiar.... Angel.

At the same time, Angel, running to Willow's house could smell the same thing, and was becoming more and more worried. When he rounded the corner, he expected Willow to be glorying in her first kill. The street was empty. He knew there were at least three vampires, and one...no, two humans around.

Angel kept to one side of the street as he hurried along. It was to his and Willow's benefit to be gone to their friends until he sorted things out.

He stopped as he reached Willow's house. He dared not go inside. One, he wasn't invited, two he didn't know if Willow's parents were in there. "God Dammit! Where the hell is she?" He said harshly.

A low whistle startled him, "Hey! I'm in here!"

"Willow?" He felt she was near. "Are you in the bushes?" Angel pulled away the bushes nearest him. There he found her, shivering with fear, crouching on the ground.

"Willow what the hell..."

"Shhh! There are vampires around here!" She said nervously.

Angle blinked, and grabbed her arm, dragging her out of the bushes. "Yeah, and you're one of them.," he said harshly. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I was getting some of my things, and stuff." She squirmed in his grip. "What are you doing here?" They continued walking some way down the street.

"I was looking for you!" He stopped and gripped her by the shoulders. Willow gave a sharp squeal. "You could have been spotted, staked, caught by another vampire!" He shook her with every syllable. He was relived and angry at the same time. "Then what would have happened? God Dammit girl, have some sense!"

She squeaked with every jerk of her body, afraid and angry at the same time. Her voice sounded breathy "Hey, that hurts! You're hurting me!"

His face had changed, Willow cringed in his grip. "I saw that note from Buffy. I saw it!" She said, her face, in her fear, was starting to change, her anger, coming to the surface. "You still love her! I know it. You know it!

"What kind of shit are you talking about?" His eyes were glowing in the darkness.

Willow jerked away from Angel's grip. "I was trying to get out of your way!" "Getting out of my way? Why?" Angel said, backing Willow up against a tree. Her back met the tree with a thump. There was no way, but to face him.

"You just want me for sex. You love Buffy I'm getting out of your way." Her voice, once soft and breathy was harsher. Her anger at Angel's reaction to her tumbled out of her mind, and spilt over him. Willow reached out, and before she knew it, she had forcibly shoved him out of her way, and was stalking off.

"You think you know everything! You don't! Willow, come back here and talk to me!" Angel shouted at the sky in frustration, then turned and started after Willow.

***

"Do you hear that shouting?" Buffy turned to Xander who was shaking his head. Buffy on a whim, decided to take Xander on her hunt that night. He was surly, uncooperative, and still depressed over Willow. But, as Buffy had said many times over the past week, misery loves company, so tonight he decided to go.

Xander wanted to support her, after all she and Angel had shared a love he was often jealous about. Now Angel was gone, Willow was gone, it was just the two of them. No obstacles to stop him, except the feeling he'd left something undone with Willow, and a lingering sadness he could not explain.

"Maybe we should get the hint, and go?" Xander nervously looked around. "You said there were creepy-crawlies around. I don't want to get in the middle of a "fang fight" okay?" Buffy wasn't listening to him, she was intently listening to the fight. The hairs on the back of her neck were rising. "Okay, guess I am talking just to hear myself talk. Might as well be a tree, or a bush, or a statue."

He was startled when Buffy gripped his arm, a look of pure agonizing shock on her face. "That's Angel shouting, I know it!" Her eyes had gone steely, and she started to drag Xander towards the sound. He dug his heels in and stopped her. "Buffy, stop it! Stop it!" He made her face him. "Get over it - they're gone! GONE!" Buffy recoiled from his words, then replied with a hardness in her voice. Xander had to UNDERSTAND!

"No! It's him, It is! Please Xander. I KNOW it! I feel it!" she was dragging on his arm. Her strength pulled Xander a long way, before he finally gripped her arms, afraid of what she was doing. He grasped Buffy by the shoulders and turned her to face him.

"Why are you only thinking of Angel, Buffy? What about Willow? Huh? What about your best friend!" His face was turning red as he yelled at her. Fury was showing in his eyes.

She stopped, and looked at him, the tears in her eyes shining in the moonlight. Xander loved her, but not enough to follow her down to madness. "She was better to you than he was." Xander said, running his hand though his hair in frustration. "I don't care who's out there. It's not Angel and it's not Willow."

His voice broke on the last syllable. He turned and walked away from her. "I'll never see her again....."

Buffy held out her hands, trying to stop him, to comfort him. But there was no comfort for the both of them, just time. In the back of her mind, she knew that. But the tantalizing thought that that was Angel's voice made her turn away from her only friend. Still listening to the voice, she watched as the hunched shoulders of Xander disappeared into the darkness.

***

Angel caught up with Willow easily. "What do you mean I only use you for sex?" "Well? Don't you?" Willow began. Angel was looking out into the darkness. "Fine, you do what you want. I'm going wherever!" She declared, but Angel's grip was tighter then ever. Suddenly he threw her into the bushes, and followed her just as rapidly. Angel was off and running with Willow behind him crying. "What is it?"

He managed to get one word out before they plunged onto another street. "Buffy."

Buffy hurried away from her memories, and realities, and ran toward the voices. With her Slayer senses, she knew there were at least two vampires on that street. It was dark, shadowy, and the moon made weird pools of light on the ground. The streetlights had been off since the earthquake, but it did not matter, Buffy could use her senses to get around. Lighted up by moonlight, she could see two people. One was holding the other by the arm. With a start, she realized that one of them "looked" like Angel. Her Slayer sense told her that it was Angel. She started to run. The figure turned his head, and bolted, throwing the smaller person into the bushes!

Angel and Willow snaked their way though the city. Buffy was an expert Slayer and could track them wherever they went. They had to figure out a way to evade her. Somehow, this scared Willow more than Angel's anger, and she was almost out-running him. The vampire instinct of avoiding the Slayer seemed a part of her now.

Buffy had almost caught up with them, but she was getting tired, and knew she would have to stop. 'It HAD to be Angel, it just HAD to be!' she thought. She ran through twisting alleyways, and over fences. "Some kind of steeple chase!" she said to herself, her side aching.

Willow and Angel were almost to the river. It was a dead end, the river, no where else to run, but back where they came. The sewer? No not the sewer that's what got them here in the first place. "The Dam!" They said in unison.

Willow dragged Angel over to the entrance to the power station, and amazed him by ripping off the door. "Adrenaline," she said quickly, with a quirky little smile on her face. They both went inside.

Buffy followed them as far as the river. She was only minutes behind. She viewed the remains of the door, and also went inside. This was not good, it was dark, and there wasn't any cover for her. Her sides ached, and she was out of breath. This was a bad place to be caught by two vampires who felt cornered. She backed out, and decided to go to Angel's place. If he were alive, that would be the first place he would go.

Inside the dam, Angel held Willow close. They both felt the presence of the Slayer. Willow shivered with terror. Once Buffy was her best friend, now she was her greatest danger. She lifted her scared face to Angel. He groaned, and kissed her soundly. It didn't help with the feeling of pure fear in her mind. They separated slightly and looked at each other.

"What do we do now?" Willow whispered, hoping that Buffy didn't hear. Angel placed a finger to her mouth to silence her. With feline grace, he slowly crept along the catwalk until he could see the entrance. No one was there. His senses told them that they were alone in the dam. Sighing with relief, he crawled back to Willow and took her in his arms.

She was shivering with fright. The vampire instinct to flee the Slayer had taken over, and Willow was starting to realize just how much she had changed. It was a rough introduction to life as a vampire. Buffy trudged through the darkened streets of Sunnydale, totally dispirited. She trusted her Slayer sense, but she was starting to wonder if maybe it was wrong. She had been sure it was Angel - or was it that she wanted to see him again so much that her mind was play ing tricks on her?

***

"Giles will have a cow if I bring this up to him." I kicked a stone against a tree and continued on my patrol. "I'll check out his apartment again. Maybe I missed something last time."

I'm back in his apartment again. I come here to think, to remember, and to wish for what cannot be. Only a week has passed since Angel and Willow died. I miss them so much, it hurts. Angel could make me melt with just a look, or a touch. Will I ever feel this way about anyone again?

I keep going back over the events of that night, wondering if I could have done anything differently. Would they still be alive if I had? Or would I be the one buried in the sewer somewhere?

Mom's trying to help, but how can I explain what I'm feeling to her? I can't tell her everything that went on that night, and I know she thinks I'm hiding something. At least she's giving me space.

As I walk through the apartment, I notice something on the floor near his bed. It's the letter I left for him. I wrote it after I had found out that the search was called off for survivors. I tried to write something meaningful, but I was crying so much that only a few words came out.

A sliver of hope ran through my body. He had been here, I could feel it! I pushed open the bathroom door and stood there, too shocked to move.

There were muddy clothes on the floor. I knelt and held them, I noticed assorted wet spots, like tears on them, and they were muddy, like someone had been digging. The jeans were his, I was sure of it! But there were TWO sets of clothes, and I was puzzled - if Will was with him, why hadn't she gone home?

Giles! I HAD to bring Giles here! He had to see this.

***

Willow yawned and stretched, banging her head on the metal duct over her head.

Angel sprang up as if someone shot him out of a cannon, grabbed her and pulled her down to the floor. "Hey!" She gasped. "It's okay! I just banged my head."

Angel rolled over, relief clearly written on his face. For the first time in nearly a week Willow laughed. Angel looked at her, a wry smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. "So you think it's funny do you?"

He grabbed her into an embrace, and kissed her here and there. Willow shrieked with laughter. He suddenly stopped, lifting himself up on his hands, his legs straddling hers. His face changed, and he kissed her open mouth. "Angel please!" Willow said desperately. "No, NO!!"

Angel looked at her, "Willow, I want you... very much." Willow squirmed out of his grasp, and backed away from him. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. However, she was aware that he was still attached to Buffy. There was desire in his tone, but not love.

"You love Buffy." Willow bowed her head.

"That's a bunch of bullshit and you know it!" Angel said, exasperated with her attitude. "Willow, we made love! What do you think that meant to me?"

She cradled her head in her hands. "I don't know what to think, I'm so hngry!" in her agitation, her "game face" popped out. Angel knew she was not far from losing her control. He had to do something, they both needed food. After the night they had, anyone would be hungry.

"Okay, okay I 'm hungry too. He got up onto a crouch. "I'm going to find some."

Willow got up to help. "NO! Stay here." He said, crawling away. "I'll be back soon."

Willow told herself she had to keep control. As frightening as it was, she had to keep her "demon" inside. She battled with it. It was like having your "inner" voice, the voice that tells you right from wrong, suddenly not pay any attention whatsoever! She felt possessed by a will almost as strong. It drained the reserved of strength she had left, and she fell asleep curled up in a tight ball.

***

Angel had made his way to his apartment shortly before the sun came up. He calculated he had just enough time to grab some food and head back to Willow. The door was open. He tensed. Buffy had been there. He could smell her, feel the heat she left on the surface of his bed. He remembered that he had left the muddy clothes lying on the bathroom floor. Angel cursed at himself - such carelessness would get both of them killed!

Quickly stripping the bed, and shoving the clothes into a garbage bag, he took one last long look. "Oh god! I almost forgot!" he said smacking his forehead. He bagged up the last of the food in his fridge, and left, leaving the door wide open.

***

It took a lot of pleading, and a little pouting, but Giles finally agreed to come to Angel's apartment. I had brought him here before, when we checked to see if he had made it out, but we found nothing. I know he was skeptical of my claims about finding the clothes, but I was sure he would believe me once he saw them for himself.

"Buffy! This has gone too far!" Giles tried to ignore the desperate girl tugging on his arm.

"Please, Giles! PLEASE!" Buffy managed to drag him halfway across town to Angel's place.

Giles stopped and Buffy could tug him no further. " I appreciate that you still feel well enough to visit Angel's home, However, we've been here several times and have seen nothing!" He awkwardly put his arm around her shoulders in a "fatherly" fashion. "Come away from here. There is nothing for you to discover."

She shrugged his arm off, and opened the door to Angel's home. "Please Giles, just this one more time. I gotta know I'm not crazy."

Giles easily capitulated. She was his Slayer, and he had a soft heart where she was concerned. It was as difficult for him as it was for her to get over the deaths of Willow and Angel. He found a knowledgeable companion in Willow.

She instinctively picked up where he left off. He left a detail untold, she t old it. Giles did research, Willow did more, and enjoyed it. Yes, it was a lonely library he returned to each day.

Buffy quickly led him to the bathroom. Last night she had broken in and found the muddy clothes Willow and Angel had left there. She also found the bed unmade, and her note crumpled and tossed on the floor. Buffy had wept at the sight of it, because she was sure that Angel had left the mess. However, if this were so, why would he run away from her? He loved her! Last night the place had been lived in, today it was empty.

It was like a shot to the gut when I took him in and we found nothing. I couldn't think, and Giles was just a little angry. As we left the apartment, he started lecturing me in is usual "Watcher" mode. Giles sighed, turning around and heading out to the living room. "Buffy, please. I am not in the mood for jokes." He went out the door, pausing only to shut the light off, and extend his hand to Buffy. "Please.... Let's leave."

"But Giles it was here, really!" Buffy gestured around the bathroom of Angel's apartment.

"Buffy, you must stop this! You can't bring them back! Angel and Willow are dead, and there's nothing more we can do here. Do you understand?" He had his hand on my shoulder and was trying to say something else when it happened. I just snapped.

"FUCK YOU GILES!" I yelled, throwing him against the wall. "I made it back, so who the hell are you to tell me otherwise?" I stepped back, horrified at what I had done. What if I had hurt him?

He looked up at me with such sorrow in his eyes that I just knelt beside him and touched his face. Then he opened his arms and held me while I let loose. It felt so good in his arms as I sobbed until the back of my head hurt.

He whispered soothing words and rocked me gently until I stopped. I wiped my eyes dry and looked up at him. He was my Watcher, my friend, and he was trying to help me through this. It was up to me to let him.

"They're not coming back, are they, Giles?" I asked, trying to keep my body from trembling. He shushed me and held me close.

"No, they're not. But you'll be okay. I promise."

In another part of town, Xander after he had left Buffy, went to Willow's house again. Every night since Willow had gone, he went there. To lurk, leave notes, or just to think. Willow's parents has left Sunnydale, left the county, for awhile. So Xander could be in the house to mourn alone. Just as Buffy had gone to visit Angel's house, he just had to feel like Willow was around again. Going around the side of the house, he was shocked to find the window of her room open. Xander looked around the small room, and noticed that his note s and rose were gone. Other things were missing, Willow's laptop, her best pair of overalls, a picture. Some of the things that meant the most to her. Puzzled, he sat at Willow's desk, and thought of the shouting Buffy heard. Could that have been Angel's voice shouting in the night? If Angel were really alive, could there be a hope for Willow? Exhausted, he fell asleep on Willow's bed, dreaming of Buffy. That's where Buffy found him, lying on Willow's bed.

"Xander!" Buffy shook him awake. "Xander wake up!"

"Huh? Whoa?" Xander was slow to rise. He sat up, then plopped back down on the bed when he saw Buffy's disapproving face "How'd you get in here?"

She stood up and pointed to the window, open, and letting in the cool morning air. "Same way you did."

Xander tried to shake the sleep out of his mind. "How'd you know I was here?" She put her hand on his face, and ran it down to the stubble on his chin.

"Your mom told me you come here a lot." Xander delighted in her casual touch. " Like I go to Angel's" She jumped off the bed. "Listen about last night..." Xander beat her to the punch, "I'm sorry. I know you l-l-l...." Buffy playfully punched him in the way Willow would have if she were there. "Love him..." "S'okay! I went over there last night." Buffy began. "I chased the nasties all the way to the river. I think they hid in the dam."

Xander looked confused. "You went over where?"

Buffy sat at Willow's desk, a curious expression chased across her face, when she saw what Willow had written on her calendar, 'Lunch with Buffy, Whoo Hoo!'

When she looked back up at Xander, she had tears in her eyes. "I went over to Angel's to see if it were true."

"Oh god!" Xander plopped back down on his baack. "I know, let me fill in he rest. You want me to go over there now, and see your little find, right?" "Nah! I took Giles over there first thing." she said, standing up, and heading for the window. He bolted right up again. "WE didn't find anything."

He stood up as well. "Wait! Did you find something last night!"

Buffy winked at him, playfully. "Yeah lots." She shimmied out the window. "Are you gonna come with me or not?"

"Where?" He whined.

"To the dam. I HAVE an itch to investigate." She disappeared from view, laughing at him. It had been at least a week since both of them had a good laugh.

"Oh crap! Here we go again!" Xander said as he flopped out the window, running after her.

***

Willow drank deeply, savagely. Angel let her feed first. It was like watching someone starving for weeks, have her first meal. It both horrified, and fascinated him. The "demon" was alive and well inside her. Willow did not feast, the demon did, and when it was done, it let Willow alone. For a moment, it hurt him to know that she would be battling with it for an eternity.

However, in the same moment, he knew that the love he felt for her would also be his for eternity. Angel wondered if she felt the same. She was responsive enough during lovemaking. And afterwards, sharing the parts of themselves no one knew about them. Willow did not shy away from his past. She accepted the demon in him, now she had to accept it in herself.

When she was done, she backed away from him. Her human side was recoiling from the fact that she drank blood and liked it! But another, darker part of her was enjoying it.

"You know, I always kinda wondered -" Willow stopped, letting her quiet voice trail off. She looked at him, then glanced away. "What is it like to be a vampire? And now I guess I'll find out," she added, drawing her knees up to her chin.

"You'll get used to some of the things," Angel told her, in a quiet voice. "But not everything." He idly played with a loose piece of insulation. Willow continued with her musings.

"Like having a friend who is trying to kill you?" Angel looked at her sharply. That was not the type of question that Willow, the one he knew, would ask.

***

It was still early when Xander and Buffy made their way to the dam that supplied most of Sunnydale with power. It wasn't far from the place where she thought she saw Angel. Buffy told Xander how she went to Angel's place, last night. He tried to listen sympathetically, but it was hard, considering he hadn't been up for very long, and he was hungry. He practically whined all the way to the river. "See right there!" Buffy said pointing to a door that was hanging off its hinges. "One of them did that. Only a vampire has the strength to pull a big steel door off it's hinges."

Xander was not impressed. "Yeah, or a really big guy with arms out to here..." Buffy shot him a dark look. "Well then Miss Slayer, tell me this, why would Angel run away from you of all people?"

Buffy fell silent. She had been tormenting herself with the same thought. The only reason that came to mind was that Angel had reverted to his older self. The idea terrified her.

Xander went over to the door. It was just leaning on the concrete bunker, with some tools lying by it. Inside there were steps going down about ten feet into darkness. He could just imagine the long dark, closed in, corridor that stretched all the way into the complex.

"Well what now fearless leader." he asked, turning to her, his eyes. Squinting in the sunlight. "Hey, was your vampire guy alone?"

"No he was with someone. A shorter person. I couldn't see very well." Buffy said, entering the dark doorway. She took Xander's hand, and pulled him inside. The flashlight she carried revealed nothing. The beam vanished in to the darkness.

"Oh great! Now I can't see! Could it be possible that it wasn't Angel that you saw?" He said, annoyed with her refusal to face the truth.

"Anything is possible. I want to know the probable!"

The stairs at the bottom led to a long damp corridor. The ceiling was low, overhung with a giant air duct. Buffy could barely make out where it stopped and opened out into the power station. She knew that while they were in the corridor, there was no way out, should they be attacked from the rear and the front.

Xander was totally confused at her doggedness. He would mourn Willow for a long time, but sooner or later it came the time where you had to give it up, and let the grief happen to you. He lost one best friend to a vampire, which was true. Now another to an earthquake. It was time to give up the ghost! Buffy had stopped up ahead, looking as if she ate something bad. "What is it?" He whispered.

"I feel them...Here...Close, really close" Buffy put her hands on the damp walls feeling all over them. She extended her hands up to the ductwork. "Xander can you bang on this?" She pointed upwards.

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