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Note: Text enclosed in < > represents thoughts or feelings.
"Oops?" Angel asked, peering at her intently. He waited patiently for Willow
to explain.
"Well... Um...Well..." Willow waffled, fidgeting uncomfortably under his
questioning gaze. "It seems I made a mistake in the spell," she explained
hesitantly, wringing her hands and offering him an apologetic smile. His
expression became thoughtful, but he didn't comment. He gestured for her to
continue. "The spell was supposed to banish the demon," she said quickly, her
words rushing out in her haste to explain her error. "And make you human,
but..." Willow was unable to understand what might have gone wrong with the
spell. Mentally, she floundered, searching for an explanation. Her hands wove
erratic patterns in the air, signaling her uncertainty and frustration.
Finally, she met his eyes with horrible guilt reflecting in her own. Her face had
fallen under the weight of frustrated defeat. "I'm sorry," she sighed, forcing the
words past the sudden lump in her throat. Her mouth pulled down in an
unhappy grimace. She fidgeted and crossed her arms defensively, awaiting his
response. Angel stood watching her, silent and still, his expression
indecipherable.
Willow took Angel's continued silence for scorn and began berating herself for
her carelessness. Her lower lip pushed out in the beginning of a pout as she
scuffed her shoe on the rough path like a small child. Uncomfortable and
unable to endure the awkwardness that had grown up between them, she tried
to fill the void. "I don't know what went wrong..." Her eyes darted to his. The
unexpected laughter she saw dancing in their dark depths stopped her dead.
Surprise, then confusion registered in her eyes. <What could he possibly find
funny about my screw up?> She blinked, standing there open-mouthed.
Willow's eyes narrowed and her mouth snapped shut as she tried to fathom
the meaning behind his inappropriately amused expression. She regarded him
carefully looking for clues. No trace of his previous discomfort and
embarrassment remained. Instead a smiled tugged at his lips and merry light
sparkled in the bottomless depth of his dark eyes.
Angel was unable to contain his amusement any longer. A grin broke out on
his face. Willow unconsciously responded with her own. The lighthearted grin
curling his lips seemed to brighten the very night itself. His genuinely amused
expression and laughing eyes erased her feelings of discomfort and frustration.
Still unsure why he wasn't angry with her for botching the spell, she basked in
the unexpected warmth of his friendly grin.
Angel was back to his old self and he wasn't angry with her for messing up his
cure. <Everything is Zen!> Willow suddenly felt hyper and giddy. She started
bouncing up and down, her joy translating into an over abundance of energy.
Angel's already impossibly wide grin widened even more as he watched her
bounce up and down like a little, rubber ball. Her antics made him laugh. His
warm friendly chuckle infected her and she started to giggle uncontrollably.
With a squeal best described as geeker joy, Willow launched herself into his
arms. Angel easily caught her and spun her around in a slow circle. Both of
them were cackling like Mad Hatters. When they came full circle, he set her
gently on her own feet. Their laughter subsided into a companionable silence.
Angel gave her one last squeeze and pulled back. The amusement drained
from his eyes to be replaced with child-like wonder. "Willow," he spoke her
name reverently, breaking the silence.
Entranced, Willow watched him as he studied her. His large hand gently
cradled her face; his thumb absently stroked her cheek. "You have given me
back my soul and yet you think it is not enough," he said in a hushed whisper.
Gentle fingers tucked her hair behind her ear before grasping her chin firmly.
He tilted her head up so she looked directly at him. "I owe you my life," he
said fiercely. He spoke the words like a solemn promise, his eyes echoing the
fervor of his words.
Angel's heartfelt words and actions left her stunned. She decided remaining
quiet would be prudent. His fingers gentled on her chin and his thumb resumed
its soothing stroking. He quietly watched her for a long moment before
speaking, "I should walk you home," he said casually, squeezing her against
him.
<Good idea. Wonder what time it is?> She turned to look at her watch and
suddenly realized exactly what she'd gotten herself into--his arms. Their arms
were wrapped around one another like lovers. She blushed, turning quite pink
and mumbled his name. "Umm, Angel..." She trailed off awkwardly, her
tongue growing a snarl. Her embarrassment redoubled as she felt the side of
his face briefly brush her hair. His lips brushed the top of her head and her
thoughts exited stage left faster than Speedy Gonzales. <This is most
embarrassing... Ack! I sound like Giles!!!>
Her head snapped back and she met Angel's gaze, a red flush on her cheeks.
She pushed away, knocking him back a step in her haste. Turning, she hid her
face, which had now turned a lovely shade of crimson.
Angel shifted around behind her and she scooted away. <I wish I could just
go crawl under a rock right now.> Unable to face him, she stood quietly, her
back to him. Willow felt more than heard him take a step closer to her. <No.
Please don't come any closer.> He stopped as if he'd heard her mental plea.
Willow sighed with relief. Forcing calm, she finally worked up enough courage
to face him, but she couldn't meet his eyes.
"Come on, I'll walk you home." Angel stepped down the path, smiling when
he heard her fall into step behind him.
Willow stopped when she realized Angel wasn't walking beside her anymore.
She turned and walked back to where he'd melted into the shadows. "What's
wrong?" Angel cast wary glances at her darkened house. "My parents aren't
home," she said, gesturing toward the house. Angel looked at her uncertainly.
"I think we need to talk," she said softly. "We both need answers. Don't you
agree?" she asked, watching him intently.
Angel shifted nervously, looking ready to bolt. He reminded her of a reluctant
virgin being lead to the sacrificial altar. Willow snickered at the mental image,
then blushed. <Ooh!! Virginal Angel!! Now *that's* a concept!!> Angel
obviously, didn't do 'talk' well. He wasn't ready to answer questions yet, but
he had no right to deny her the answers she wanted. "Yeah, we need to talk,"
he agreed softly. He held an arm out and herded Willow toward the house.
Angel was ashamed of what the demon had done. He wasn't prepared to face
the others, especially not Buffy. He could handle their hatred and their fear,
but his presence would only be an unwelcome reminder of the pain Angelus
had inflicted on them. It was probably best that he move on and stay out of
their lives. There was no way he could ever make up for the damage and
suffering he'd inflicted on those he cared about the most.
Angel would already be gone if it weren't for Willow. As soon as he'd
awakened in his own body he'd felt a tug against his soul. Her essence, like an
undeniable siren's song, had called to him. Reluctantly, he had sought her out.
His intention had been to locate her, figure out what was driving him to find
her and then disappear, maybe even leave town. He couldn't stay in a small
town like Sunnydale and avoid Buffy forever.
He expected condemnation and disgust, but surprisingly Willow seemed
genuinely happy to see him. Her attitude had caught him off guard and he
wasn't quite sure of what to make of it, but then Willow had always surprised
him. Angel found himself unable to part company with her just yet. Willow's
compassion and understanding were a soothing balm for the guilt that chaffed
him.
Angel watched from the shadows while Willow unlocked the door. She
stepped in and turned to him, motioning for him to step over by the door. "To
reinvite you do I have to remove the spell components first? You're different
now. Do I even have to invite you in? Do the same rules apply?" Without
hesitation she fired off her questions, cocking her head curiously.
"I don't know," Angel said, shrugging. "It's true things have changed, but I
don't know how much." He eyed the doorway with some trepidation.
Willow noticed him eyeballing the doorway. "It won't hurt you if you try to
walk in and can't. Will it?" she asked, suddenly very concerned about his
welfare. Angel shook his head. "Then see if you can," she commanded. She
stepped out of the doorway to give him room. Tentatively, he stepped up to
the threshold then leaned forward then stepped through. He immediately
stepped back out. Willow stared at him. "What did you do that for? You
walked right in, you don't need an invitation."
Angel blinked and fidgeted uncomfortably. "It's not polite to walk into
someone's home just because you can," he said stiffly, rebuking her for
questioning his adherence to manners. He softened his words with a small
smile.
"Oh, yeah. Manners. Sorry, guess I wasn't thinking." She blushed. "Please,
come in," she said, gesturing grandly.
Angel stepped into the house far enough for Willow to close the door. He
stood, shifting nervously, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. Willow
regarded him curiously. He looked away from her, discomfort drawing a grim
frown on his face. "You'll have to come see my new fish," she offered, grinning
impishly as she attempted to lighten his mood.
Angel looked at her, shocked. "Umm.. okay," he said hesitantly, his eyes
scanning hers. Willow met his glance, giving him a teasing smile. "Maybe
later," Angel replied, a brief smile touched his lips and some of the tension left
his stance.
"You're afraid of scaring me aren't you?" she asked point blank. Angel's head
snapped around and he stared at her, his eyes wide. "I can tell by the way
you're acting," she added. "Angel, if I didn't believe you, I wouldn't have
invited you in." She seemed to have forgotten that he'd not needed an
invitation.
He considered her for a long moment before nodding. He accepted her
statement as the truth and took it to heart. She could see the tension drain out
of him and his posture relaxed. "Come on." Willow led the way into the living
room with Angel following closely behind her.
Willow went to get a snack after making Angel promise he would still be there
when she returned. She'd had to cajole him into saying it. She knew that if she
could get him to say the words he would remain. Smiling to herself, she
poured herself a coke. It was going to be a long, difficult night. Angel had a lot
of explaining to do and she wasn't going to let him leave until she was satisfied
with his answers. <For once the cryptic guy routine isn't going to work...>
She'd tried talking to him on the walk to her house, but he'd been reluctant to
answer questions. His mood had grown darker. Curiously, he'd hovered over
her as they walked, staying so close to her that their arms often rubbed
together. At first, his closeness had made her nervous, but her nervousness
had soon shifted to a feeling of comfort. That made her wonder. She knew
Angel as an acquaintance, but she'd never had such an intimate feeling of
familiarity around him.
<Until the dreams...> Her mind wandered through the memories of the
dreams she'd started having not long after Angel lost his soul. In the dreams
they'd sit for hours and talk about everything; family, their respective
childhood's, what they wanted to do in the future, hopes, dreams and fears.
She pushed the thoughts away. <Dreams are dreams, nothing more.> Still
wondering over that fact, she went to confront him.
Willow walked into the living room to find Angel sitting on the couch, her
cross in his hands. He glanced over at her then went back to studying the
cross. She deposited her refreshments on the end table before turning to
watch him. His head was down so she couldn't see his face. "Angel?" she
called softly. He grunted in response, but didn't look up. She settled on the
couch not far from him. <Now what do I ask first?>
Surprisingly, Angel took the initiative. "I know what you want to know," he
said, trailing off thoughtfully. "I don't have all the answers, but I will tell you
what I know. I owe you that much." He dropped the cross on the couch
between them. "I owe you everything," he mumbled so softly Willow wasn't
sure she'd heard him correctly.
Angel stood and started to pace, his long strides lithe, graceful and disturbingly
sexy. Entranced, Willow watched him. He reminded her of one of the big cats
she'd seen at the zoo. Not the fat tiger or the lazy lion, but the sleek black
jaguar. It had paced like that, silent, sure and deadly. <It even had yellow
eyes like...a vampire.> A small evil part of her mind wondered what it would
be like to pet him. <BAD GIRL!!! Pay attention!> Willow shook her head to
clear it of the weird thoughts taking root there.
Angel stopped pacing and sat down beside her. He felt driven to tell her
everything. His losing his soul and the unconscionable things he'd done had
given her every reason to fear and hate him. Willow had pushed on where the
others had given up. She'd found a way to return his soul and somehow she'd
banished the demon, too. For the first time in over 200 years, he didn't feel or
hear the nagging presence of the demon . He was finally free of its evil taint.
When he'd regained his soul the first time, he'd had no friends, no reason to
live. He'd merely existed, not quite human, not quite vampire. For eighty years
that had been enough. Over the past year and a half as he'd come to know the
Slayer and her friends he'd become painfully aware of just how lonely he was.
Their friendship had helped him find a reason for living, had shown him there
were still some redeeming qualities left in his soul.
Then he'd lost his soul and he'd hurt all of them, especially Buffy. His demon
had been incredibly cruel and viscious in it's dealings with the petite Slayer. It
had twisted their night together into something evil and meaningless. Angel was
sure Buffy would never forgive him for the words the demon spoke, mocking
her love for him. He knew she'd never truly believe that he couldn't lose his
soul again or that she wouldn't be the cause. Angel didn't expect any of them
to forgive him, but Willow seemed to have other ideas.
Of all the 'Slayerettes', Willow had always been on his side. She made him
feel human and had trusted him. A trust the demon had loathed and then
betrayed when it took control. Of all the people he had called friend, she was
the one he felt he needed to trust in him again. He sat quietly watching her for
a few minutes before he finally spoke. "I have two stories to tell you, one of
them bad and one of them... well... not bad. I'm not sure what it is yet," he
said with a fatalistic shrug. Leaning forward, he swallowed before beginning
his tale.
"I have all of Angelus' memories." Angel paused. "I can remember every evil
thing he did, every life he took." His hands clenched into tight fists. "He hurt
everyone I loved, everyone I cared for...and I have to relive every second of it
in my nightmares" he said thickly, his voice raw with emotion. Dark memories
flooded his mind, threatening to overwhelm him. Angel sat perfectly still, his
hands over his face, fighting to remain calm. His hands dropped to his lap as
he began to speak. "I'm not going to tell you all the details, but there are some
things you probably want to know."
He winced and then blurted it out. "Oz, your boyfriend..." Angel knew it was
better to be upfront and honest than beating around the bush with this. "The,
uh, werewolf...?" Angel cringed again. <Dear God, she's going to kill me...>
Willow felt her heart stop. When it resumed beating, it was leaping into her
throat with every heartbeat. Oz had been missing for three weeks now. <Did
Angel kill him...?>
"Yes?" she queried, carefully enunciating the little word through gritted teeth.
"What about him...?" she demanded.
"I...well, that is, Angelus..." Angel waffled, staring down at the ground with
shame. <Ah, hell...> He looked straight up at her, directly into her eyes and
confessed. "I vamped him during the last full moon."