Mortal Males Who've Met The Warrior Princess And Her Bard Companion And Survived.
OR The Survivor's Hall of Fame

By Mary E. Terrell DISCLAIMERS: The characters appearing in this story are the property of MCA/Universal and Reniassance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended.

This is just a short humorous piece that I wrote after thinking about the men who've crossed Xena and Gabrielle's paths and didn't survive and those who did. Now to keep it simple, the men featured had to have met both of them and more than once. And of course they have to be mortal.

Hercules, Iolous, Autolycus, Salmoneus, Draco, Mealeger, Ceaser, Joxer, King Gregor, King Lias, and Phillamon have gathered in a tavern.

Iolous: The first meeting of the Mortal Males Who've Met The Warrior Princess and Her Bard Companion and Survived (MMWMTWPAHBCAS) will now come to order.

Salmoneous:You know we really ought to find a shorter name for our group. Something that's really catchy.

Hercules:What do you have in mind?

Before he can answer, Ares appears.

Ares: This meeting wasn't supposed to start without me.

Hercules: Actually you don't belong here since you're a god.

Ares: I still qualify. I was around both of them as a mortal two different times, and I survived.

Joxer: He's right. I was there.

Iolous: Okay you can stay.

Hercules:We need to elect officers. I nominate Salmoneous as secretary.

Joxer: I second it.

Ioulus: How about Meleager for Treasurer?

Joxer: I second it.

Ceaser: I nominate myself as president.

Joxer: I....

Hercules: Why should you be president?

Ceaser: Well I was the first one to meet Xena.

Autolycus: Wasn't Iolous the first to meet Gabrielle?

Ares: Actually I met the brat before he did.

Hercules: But you weren't mortal at the time. Nor were you when you met Xena.

Ares: What difference does it make?

Draco: (Still under the influence of Cupid's arrow) I met my sweet Gabrielle before any of you.

Ares: Sweet?

Salmoneus: OKAY! So we have three nominees for president. A vote should be held.

Each man's name is spoken with the most votes going to Iolous.

Ares and Ceaser pout.

Hercules: Well it is only fair. He's the only one who has come close to dying but didn't.

Iolous: You two can be the vice-presidents.

Ares snears: Well that's very generous of you.

Iolous (anxious to end the meeting): Well if that's all, then I prepose that we meet here again in one moon.

Joxer: I have a question. Why do you all want me to wear this red shirt?

Iolous: Meeting adjurned.