- A Jerry Maguire Ending - MSR - P
- Laughing-UST - Character Death
- Lemon Trees - MSR - PG - 50KB
(1/1)
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 08:25:44 -0700
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Chris Carter, and I am
in debt to him for their creation. Jerry Maguire is a movie that
inspired this and I love it and think everyone should see it. I stole a
few lines from it. I will give them back.
Rating: MSR, P.....I try not to let anything bad happen to these guys.
Warning: This is MSR, and alternate reality type of thing.
Distribute: Go ahead, make my day.
This is the first story I am posting to XFCreative. I haven't seen
anyhting but a confirmation from them yet, so this is also kind of a
test.
A Jerry Maguire Ending
Tears pouring down her face, for no other reason than him, she fled the
office and managed to make it to the elevator before attracting anyone's
attention.
Dana Scully stepped aside as the whirlwind tore out of the basement
office, and glanced after her. Then she carefully stuck her head into
the doorway and sighed. Mulder was sitting in his chair, with the
bewildered look of a lsot puppy masking the anger at the retreating
woman's outburst.
"What happened?" she asked, coming to him.
He glanced at her and her fingers itched to run through his hair, pull
back that one lock that kept falling forward.
"She wants me to quit." he said, astounded.
"Sam wants you to quit?" she repeated dumbly. fear settling in her
stomach like a block of ice.
"Yeah, she's worreid about me. I can understand that . . . but the
X-Files is what *saved* her!" he sputtered. "I told her that and she
started to cry, saying I wasn't thinking about her feeelings; I was
being selfish."
SCully felt her heart flutter like a captured bird and she tried to
ignore the creeping panic. "What did you say?"
"I told her she was just being emotional becasue she's pregnant-"
"Oh.." Scully groaned. "Not a good idea."
"Yeah, I found that out. She said Matt told her the same thing and then
she hissed something about all men being insensitive pigs and left."
Scully sighed and sat on the edge of his desk. The dazed and confused
look was still in his eyes.
"Do you think she's right?" Mulder asked, after a moment of silence. "I
mean, Sam's been through so much and all she wants is a normal life. But
if I stay, then they'll hound her, torment her. I just want her to be
happy."
She didn't answer him. She couldn't, not without being selfish herself
and a bad friend.
"Don't ask me that, Mulder." she said quietly, face titled to the
ceiling. "But if you feel your search is over, now that you have Sam,
then don't feel obligated."
He studied her. The sun came through the small rectangular window in
their basement office and glittered like rubies in her hair. Her eyes
seemed transparent that morning, with the blue green sea only a backdrop
for her emotions.
"I do feel obligated, Scully, but not in the way you're thinking. I feel
obligated to Sam, to make up for the times we missed by giving her
answers, and on a silver platter. We still don't have answers and there
are others out there. And I . . . I feel obligated to you." Mulder
stopped; he couldn't finish what he'd been dying to say. He couldn't
ruin things now.
But she was going to push it. "Why Mulder?"
HIs mind raced for a saving grace that was also the truth. "Because I
dragged you into this. I got you into the whole mess and you stuck with
me, so now I'm sticking with you. I guess, I want to get you out of it.
I enjoy getting us out of it."
"Mulder, you talk as if you're a black hole."
"Maybe I am," he said sadly.
"And I was just sucked up inot you, hunh?"
His eyes glanced at hers, to see the seriousness of her face, guage her
reaction. "I guess so. I don't know why else you'd be here."
She was angry now, angry at his always self pitying attitude. At the
constant degrading of himself.
"Mulder . . . I wouldn't let anyone talk about you the way you talk
about yourself. And I'm not letting you do it anymore. Understand? I'm
here with you becasue I want to be here. Contrary to your belief, I
chose to be here, Mulder, I was not sucked in, forced, or coerced into
it. I wanted this."
Her eyes were choppy with the turbulation of her deeply felt emotions;
hair alive with the fire of conviction. A zealot for her cause, passion
for her love of the search. Or was it just the man behind the search?
"You want me to be with you?" he whipsered, surprised and shicked mixed
with a hint of longing, like his face was a drink.
"Yes I want to be with you." Her words tumbled out before she could
catch hold of them, anchor them to her brain and sort out their meaning.
He knew what they meant.
She did too.
"I want you here with me," he said, his eyes seemingly deep and
sorrowful, brown oceans of emotion that she was caught in. The tides of
something stronger than her were pulling her in over her head and she
wasn't even trying to swim free.
She couldn't say much more. It hurt already to say so much and not know.
Maybe there would be a time for it later.
"Why are you still here, Mulder? Your life long quest has ended.
Samantha is back, and you know the reasons behind it, if not the
purpose. What keeps you here?"
"I thought Sam could refill that hole that was there when she was gone.
But it hasn't, becasue it isn't her hole to fill anymore. It's something
incredibly amazingly different - and it changed while I wasn't looking."
he said, his eyes never straying from her face.
"What fills the hole now Mulder?"
"Now? Nothing but fantasies."
Scully's heart was going off rapid fire.
"Of what?"
He couldn't believe it. She was asking and he was going to answer.
"You," he whipsred.
He saw pain flash across her eyes, then understanding and finally, hope
and longing.
"Proving things to you, watching you, solving a case with you, thinking
with you, about you, talking with you - it all gives me a satisfaction,
a joy that bringing home Samantha never could. It's you I need, you in
my nightmares, calling for me when you were abducted, in my dreams
coming to me. It's you I need. You complete me."
Her eyes dropped and tears fell. She then looked up at him, swollen
rivers of tears making her eyes shimmer.
"Do you love me?" she whispered.
"Yes."
Her eyes closed briefly as if she were physically absorbing the shick of
such a blow, mortal wound. He stood and came around to her, because even
with this confession she could not start it, she could not make first
contact. She could not show weakness.
He pulled her into his arms. "You don't have to love me back," he said,
and they were the hardest words of his life.
She made a small whimpering noise. "You had me, Mulder. From the moment
I saw you, you had me."
The end.
Adios
RocketMan
Laughing
(1/1)Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: I do not intend any infringement when borrowing these
characters, they are the rightful property of CC and Fox.
Content: This is P, UST, and a sobering reminder that unless Mulder does
something fast, She's Going To Die. There I said it....shame shame
shame.
Laughing (1/1)
Scully was laughing.
Maybe it had been that last remark, but he didn't think his normal
sexual banter ever did that to her. She was laughing hard, tears coming
into her eyes and her body shaking so hard that she leaned over and
rested her cheek to the cold aluminum of his desk.
What had he said again? Oh, something about there being bigger fish to
fry and then a witty comment tagged to the end about their current case
and suddenly she was ready to fall to the floor.
"Scully?" he said, not seeing at all what was so funny.
This was very unlike her. In fact it was making him very nervous. Was
she really laughing, or having a breakdown?
'Every man has their breaking point.' Where had he heard that? A movie,
some prison movie...ahh....Shawshank Redemption. Was this her breaking
point?
But she was laughing...laughing like she had never heard his wisecracks
before in her life. Laughing like there was no tomorrow.
Oh.....crud.....no tomorrow.
"Scully?"
He could tell now. Her laughs were actually very hysterical,
uncontrolled sobs of frustration and fear. And it had started with
laughter and ended with her revelation to herself that she was going to
die.
He immediately went to her, hovering, unsure of what he could do,
knowing only that she needed someone. He ached to pull her into his arms
and cradle her, but she'd stiffen up, run away mentally from him and
he'd feel her scorn for the rest of the day.
But, hell, what else could he do?
She wasn't *laughing*, she was dying!
So he did exactly what he knew he shouldn't.
He crouched down beside her and ran a hand along her back, ensuring her
safety and no sudden movements. Then he pulled her closer to him, moving
her body away from the fornt of his desk and towards himself.
She collapsed as soon as her weight hit his chest. She seemed to wilt
right into his arms, practically falling out of her chair.
He saw tears on her face, streaking down silently as she shook from the
emotions built up inside her. How he wanted to comfort this woman, hold
her every time she was afraid, soothe her every time things overwhelmed
her. How he wanted her.
"Scully, Scully, I'm here." he whispered, finding nothing else he could
promise but that. Her sobs subsided but he held her still, rocking on
the balls of his feet and sliding his hand softly up and down her back.
She raised her head, her eyes apologizing for ruining whatever she had
ruined when she allowed him to see her tears. Whether it was as trivial
as his jacket suit, or as potent as their relationship.
"Scully, it's okay," he murmured, thinking of both. And he looked at his
jacket and saw no stains. It was not ruined. Nothing was ruined.
"Tell me what's wrong," he said, still holding her, afraid to let go.
Afraid that once he removed his arms, he would remove his presence from
her. Because she had a tendency to shut him out.
She sighed and shifted, an unconscious warning that she was shutting
down, closing him off.
"Scully, please. That wasn't laughter. I mean I know I'm hilarious...."
She sighed and he wondered if humor had been the wrong track. He had
thought it would be easier for her.
"Hilarious huh?" she said and gave him a grateful smile.
It was the right track. "Of course."
Her frown cut out the little bit of warmth he was recieving from her.
"I was laughing, at first. I don't know why it was so funny at the time,
but it was. I couldn't stop. And then I remember thinking - laughter
adds years to your life. But then........then I thought, I need to laugh
all I can to get rid of this......death threat always hanging over me."
His face fell, like a condemned building under explosives. "Oh...." he
whispered and buried his face in her hair. "I....I...."
"Don't speak Mulder," she replied. "It was just....just something I
needed to work out."
He lifted his face to see her. "I'm glad I was here then."
She smiled sadly and nodded. "I am too," she said and it was as if an
angel straight from heaven had come to whisper benidiction in his ear.
"Really?"
She laughed and he tensed.
She picked up on that and shook her head. "Don't worry Mulder. That was
real laughing. I was surprised by your response."
"I haven't heard you really laugh in a long time."
She was somber again. "I know. That's kind of hard to do when so many
things are weighing you down. I haven't heard you really laugh in a long
time either."
He smiled a little. "I like it when you laugh."
Her eyebrow shot up.
"Laugh some more." he said, reaching for her.
She did, only because he was completely catching her off guard. "Stop it
Mulder, I-"
"Stop!?" he asked increduously. "Don't you like laughing?"
"Yes, it's just-"
"Well too bad." He stood and pulled her with him. "We're going to a
diner I know of for lunch. They serve everything like it was 1955. And
they are funny. I'll make you laugh the whole day."
She raised her eyebrow, ready to debate with him.
"Nope. We're going and that's it."
And he lifted her up and sat her down next to him.
She followed him out the door.
<Well, they always say, laughter is the best medicine.>
end
adios
rocketman
Lemon Trees
(1/10)Date sent: Sat, 30 Aug 1997 15:22:34 +0000
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter
and 1013 Productions. No infringement is intended. Oh and I took a cool
little phrase from The Verve Pipe's "Freshmen."
Rating: Angsty.....MSR.....PG13....some material is sensitive. I
wouldn't let some 13 year olds read it, but others are mature enough.
It's nothing too awful though, else I wouldn't be writing it. =-)
Notes: I wrote this because I thought it was very close to home for me.
Dedicated to Nora, who encourages me incredibly everytime I talk with
her.
Lemon Trees (1/1)
"Lemon Tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet. But the fruit of
the poor lemon is impossible to eat."
--Peter, Paul, and Mary, "Lemon Tree"
"And if my hope grows old, if my faith should ever dim, if my love grows
cold, bring to me the fire again."
--Kim Hill, written by Judie Lawson, "I Need to Know"
Dana watched from the back of the old well worn Catholic church as her
cousin, Matt the three-year old ring bearer, tripped his way down the
center aisle, pausing to wave enthusiastically at his mother before
running the last few steps to the best man. She groaned and sent the
flower girl, her niece Jesse, down the aisle after him. Jesse, being
unnaturally shy, walked stiffly down, her fingers clutching the flower
petals tightly. She got to the end of the aisle without letting one
petal drop, seemed to realize this, and so up-ended the basket in a heap
on the carpet, running to her spot with silent tears.
Scully moaned and Mulder chuckled. Dana turned to see him, thinking it
was such a remarkable change she saw in him, that she was glad the kids
had messed up.
"Mulder," she said whispering. "Get in your line!"
He leaned forward and placed his mouth to her ear. "I just wanted to ask
if you think it's very fair." he said.
She leaned back to see his face, but it gave no indication of his mind.
He took her elbow and leaned down to her again. "I mean when you look
more beautiful than the bride, that has to be unfair." he whispered.
She could feel his breath whispering through her hair. She looked in his
eyes and saw them shining so she just gave him a look, but added a
genuine smile, glad he was back to his old self.
"Thanks Mulder. Now go back and get in the right line." she said patting
his shoulder. "We're about to go."
Suddenly the music started again and Dana looked out to see Charlie in
the groom's usual place, his best man, James to his right.
One of the bridesmaids started down the left hand aisle then cut to the
center one to meet with one of the groomsmen. They proceeded down the
aisle and when they reached the halfway point, the woman in front of
Dana moved forward. Scully looked to her right, prepared to go herself,
and saw Mulder ready to walk down. They started off in synch, Scully a
little faster in order to keep up with his strides.
He met her holding out his elbow and she threaded her arm through his.
As they walked arm in arm, Scully could tell that he unconsciously
leaned torward her, tilting his head just a little, so that if she
raised on her toes a bit, he could hear and see her perfectly. It came
from five years of partnership, it came from the past year's difficulty.
They had made it through together, they had conquered the fear, the
depression, with each other's help.
And had come to realize they needed each other to live, to truly be
alive.
As they stood in front of the church, off to one side, with the other
groomsmen and bridesmaids, Scully couldn't help remembering the past
year.
~~*~~*~~*~~
Mulder had gotten caught up in some heavy political manuevering, even
causing quite a few people to loose their jobs. The X-Files had been
used before as political leverage, but never before had Fox Mulder been
the focus.
Mulder tried very hard to keep searching, despite overwhelming
opposition, but some things were becoming unavoidable obstacles.
He just wanted to keep looking for the truth, and after many Senate
hearings that scrutinized his work ethics, his stability, and even his
devotion, Mulder was worn down.
He was embroiled in scandal after scandal: work relationships were
called into question, the death of Duane Barry was brought up again and
again as reason to let him go, and people he'd never seen before
testified to his crazy behaviors. Each time, Scully had managed to clear
his name, bring him away from the sharks in the water, but a piece of
himself was always left behind. It was eating away at him. Everywhere he
turned, every direction he faced, lay in wait another horrible ordeal to
smut his record and have him labeled as dangerous.
But he survived. With Scully's help he dodged the carefully aimed arrows
of fire; she looked out for him. He hated having to constantly watch
what he said and did so that it would not be used against him. He hated
sitting at home alone, wondering when Cancer Man would start the battle
all over again. It was pure politics and Mulder was getting sick of it.
But he had to keep fighting it and the only one who could strengthen
him, keep him from giving up completely was Scully.
Until they attacked her.
It was as if they were acknowledging their failure to keep her on their
side; they were officially declaring Dana Scully The Enemy.
And they were taking her down.
She was charged with basically failing to notice that her partner was
going off the deep end, simply put.
It hurt. It hurt to have someone accusing her of not caring, of even
being selfish or inconsdierate, or insensitive to Mulder, when she had
tried the whole time to protect him, to save him.
And they were taking her down with the one weapon they had.
Him.
Mulder was devestated that they were using him to hurt her. Being the
'guilt stricken, sobbing, with his head on the floor' type, he couldn't
seem to get over it.
He was called to testify and he tried so hard not to make her look bad
that he ended up making her look worse.
"And does Ms. Scully know what happened to you as a child, Mr. Mulder?"
"Well, yeah. She's been very good about help-"
"So she knew this, and yet never made mention of it, didn't ever let her
superiors know of a potential problem?"
"Well, it wasn't a problem-"
"But on many cases you based your decisions on how it could affect your
search for your sister, right?"
"Well-"
"And Agent Scully evidently knew this impact because you said she
comforted you after such emotionally exhausting cases...."
"Well, yes, but-"
"So if she knew it was having such an effect, why didn't she do the
responsible thing and tell someone? Where's the loyalty in standing by
and letting your partner become emotionally distraught?"
He wanted to say that she didn't tell anyone because it wasn't that bad,
but maybe it was. She hadn't said anything also because he placed his
trust in her.
It was all his fault.
~~*~~*~~*~~
Scully bit back a wince at this, remembering the beaten whipped look on
Mulder's face when his words were twisted against them. She squeezed his
hand, causing him to look down at her and smile, squeezing back.
He was so changed now.
end part one
Lemon Trees (2/10)
"If these old walls could speak. They would tell you that I owe you,
more than I could ever pay. Here's someone who really loves you - don't
ever go away. That's what these walls would say."
--Amy Grant, "If These Old Walls"
~~*~~*~~*~~
She was suspended.
They won.
Mulder was given a thraputic leave of absence for a month pending
further investigation into his mental stability, while she was
officially reprimanded and on suspension for two months for 'neglecting
her partner and therefore the safety of said agent and herself.' Mulder
came over to her apartment, or she to his, every day for the first
month, and tried to work through it, to tell each other they'd be all
right.
Mulder went back to work, but only at the VCS or the Behavioral Sciences
Department, and under direct supervision. It was more than a slap on the
wrist, it was outright restriction, punishment. They were taking the
X-Files down, and Mulder and Scully along with it.
Since Scully had a previously clean record she got to come back to work
after the two month suspension, with Mulder still as her partner. She
was told it was a second chance to restore the agency's faith in her
once more.
But sometime in the last month of their separation, Mulder had stopped
contacting her, going so far as to purposefully avoid her. They had
talked frequently on the phone, but about nothing. It was as if they
were going through the motions, but the fire had long since died.
When she arrived for her first day back, Mulder was so despondent, she
thought she had done something wrong. But each day she came in to find
him listless and reserved, and without the usual banter that made him so
endearing. He spoke short sentences and wallowed in his own misery,
barely able to keep up the required solve rate for his cases. And she
felt like she was supposed to be telling someone about him, but she
wouldn't. His trust meant way too much for that.
She saw no zeal in him, none of the fervor that made his eyes gleam.
Even when the X-Files had been shut down the first time, he had been
excited, tracking things down, figuring out cases on his free time, even
making excuses to see her, all with his Mulder charm. He hadn't let
anything stop him, not even her disappearance.
But this.
This was a depression of the soul.
He had given up. Stopped believing and seen his life as the emptiness of
a man who had spent countless valuable hours in the persuit of a lofty
and imagined prize.
He quit thinking and acting, and was only reacting and internalizing.
He wasn't letting her come near him.
And one day, after trying his phone many times and getting no answer,
after feeling sick in her soul for him, she burst in on Skinner, ready
to offer everything to make Mulder come back to himself.
She found Cancer Man smoking away, without fear of the repercussions of
his deadly habit, nor the furious woman in front of him.
She paused, frozen, her hate boiling up with such intensity it scared
her. And then she walked to him purposefully and said:
"Give us back the X-Files. You've shown us your power, you've killed his
father and my sister, and given me cancer. Just give us back the
X-Files."
She took the ciggarette from his cocky lips and tossed it to the floor,
letting it burn a hole in the new carpet before crushing it with the
heel of her pumps.
Then she walked out.
~~*~~*~~*~~
Scully looked up to Mulder, wondering if he was thinking of the same
things as she. Did he suffer through this long wedding and see the hope
that he had missed so long ago?
~~*~~*~~*~~
That night she had been so afraid for him, for what she had done to
Cancer Man and the consequences of it, that she had ignored the soulful
voice of his answering machine and gone to see him.
She hadn't seen him in days.
She sat on his couch, pressed closed to his long, splayed out body and
confessed what she had done.
He stared at her for a long agonizing minute, then said, "You still want
to work on the X-Files with me?"
It wasn't at all what she had expected.
She stared at him uncomprehendingly for an equally lomg time.
"Why wouldn't I?"
He jerked back as if he'd just woken from a long dream. "Well, you said
once, after the tatoo thing that it was your life. I figured that since
you had the opportunity to move on with *your* life, you would."
She stared at him. How could he doubt her convictions? How could he
doubt her?
"Mulder this *is* my life. I want this just as much as you. Or as much
as you used to want it. I don't know about you anymore, Mulder. You
don't seem to care about anything."
She wanted to add 'not even me.'
He tried to blink away the tears but she saw them anyway.
"Oh, Scully. I used to care. I used to care way too much. And it has
killed me. I cared and it got you suspended and the X-Files shut down,
and me working at something I hate more than life. I want to care but my
belief has been based on the vapors of humanity that shift like the
weather. It's been run over and dragged through storms so much that it's
cold and dead. There's no fire anymore, Scully. I want it, but it won't
come."
And then he sat up, as if from a coffin and stared at her.
"I want to believe again."
She took him in her arms and let himself sit there silently, knowing he
needed to cry, but that he wouldn't - not in front of her. She rocked
him in her arms and tried to reaffirm whatever faith he had left,
wishing she could do more than just hold him.
They fell asleep together on the couch, emotionally exhausted.
She woke up the next morning in his arms, part of him on her and part of
him on the couch. She slipped from his arms and prepared to leave,
realizing he might be embarassed.
He called out to her, and she went back to him.
He was struggling to sit up, and awake, but blinking sleep out of his
eyes.
"Scully....thanks....I - I - " he mumbled.
He took a deep breath as she sat back down beside him, wrapping an arm
around him.
"I'm afraid Scully." he said. "I'm afraid I'll never care again. Or only
after something awful happens, when it's too late."
She squeezed her eyes shut and whispered. "I'm afraid too Mulder. I'm
afraid I'm loosing you."
Then she turned from him and left.
end part two.
Lemon Trees (3/10)
"As you turned to go I heard you call my name. You were like a bird in a
cage, spreading its wings to fly...."
--Loreena McKennitt, 'The Old Ways'
~~*~~*~~*~~
Looking at him now, she knew she hadn't lost him, but then, almost four
months ago, he'd been too deep in despair to even think about climbing
out. It had sure seemed like she was loosing him. And she almost had.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"Mulder! What are you doing?!" She was standing stock still in his
doorway, where she had let herself in with her key, despite the abuse of
privliges it indicated.
He looked up to see her wide, frantic eyes and wished she hadn't come.
He didn't want her to see him blow his head off.
The gun in his hand was wobbling dangerously, his fingers slick and
sweaty on the trigger. She dared not move.
"Scully, leave me....Leave me." he whispered and brought the barrel
closer to his dark hair, his finger tightening.
"NO!" she yelled, jerking forward, intent on stopping him somehow, even
if it meant putting her body between him and the bullet.
The gun went off, but her yell had made his hand slip and surprised him,
and so the bullet managed to nick his ear and lodge itself in the wall
behind him.
She ran to him and took the gun from his shaking fingers, pressing her
hand against the fresh spurt of blood coming from his ruptured ear.
"Scully!" he yelled. "Damnnit! Let me die!"
"Mulder......no, please...." she whispered, cradling his head.
His hands fumbled at hers, pulling on them, harder until he had his
fingers around her wrists and knocked them away from his wound.
"Let me die," he moaned, his face in agony.
She trembled, trying not to cry. "You selfish little man," she hissed,
yanking her hands away. "No way will I let you die! No way!"
And she put her hands back to his ear, fending off his fumbling fingers.
He sighed and slumped into her, his head falling to her stomach and
soiling her blue T-shirt with his blood.
"Please, Scully, let me die. I'm not worth anything to you now. I just
want to die. Scully......." His last words were groans.
"No!" she said again, her voice containing her own agony, her own
despair should he be forever lost to her. "I don't know what's happening
to us Mulder, but it will not get the better of us. We might not get the
X-Files back, we might not ever be allowed to work in the FBI again, but
*we go on.* We. Go. On. With whatever we have left." She stopped,
sending up a prayer that her words were reaching him. "Mulder. All I
have left is you."
He let out a choked sob, his mouth buried right below her stomach and
making a strange fire burn in her.
"Scully, I can't. I want to, I do, oh Scully, I do. But I
can't.......I've lost something and I can't get it back."
"But you have me, Mulder. Is that not enough?"
His body trembled against hers and she let a hand run through his
bloodied hair.
"I feel so dead, Scully. So dead."
She touched his cheek, pulled his face up, his lips finally away from
the sensitive spot on her stomach that made her nerves dance when he
spoke.
"Then let me make you feel alive again," she said and dropped her head
to kiss his lips, softly, gently.
Nothing. He did not even return the kiss at first. No change, no spark,
no response.
But then something caught fire and he shifted and surged up to meet her
mouth, making her breath catch and her palms tingle.
"Scully." he breathed. "Scully, don't do this just for me. Don't give me
this because I-"
"Shut up, Mulder." she said softly. "I wouldn't give you this if I
didn't want you to have it."
He wrapped his arms around her waist and put his face back to her
stomach, both balancing percariously on the couch. His mouth began
inching up her body; her skin felt like live wires, shocking every pore
into awareness. Then her hand fell away from his ear and the fresh blood
on her fingers felt hot against his cheek. He took her hands and
examined them.
"My blood," he whispered.
Her hands were slick with his blood.
"So much for me, Scully. So much sacrificed. Not anymore."
And he took her hands, her soiled, bloodied hands, and threaded his
fingers through hers.
A solemn covenant, a blood sacrifice.
~~*~~*~~*~~
She shook a little remembering that ngiht, how their need for life, need
to reaffirm goodness, had driven them to each other. But even then, with
his soul in shreds, and her heart wrung out, he hadn't taken from her.
He hadn't felt it to be right. They'd come close to completing the act,
but he couldn't do it to her.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"I can't, Scully. I can't. It has to be real."
"Oh Mulder.......hell, I'm *not* faking."
He laughed and she felt very vulnerable and exposed.
"This...us...it can't be done out of my depression, not for me."
That she was shocked was an understatement. Something like that from
him, King of Porn Videos.
Then, with her shaking in his arms, feeling foolish and stupid, he
looked straight in her eyes, registering the deep painful blue. "When I
take you, Scully, I want all of you."
end part three
Lemon Trees (4/10)
"If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. And if you get a hundred lemon
trees, go into business and make a lot of money."
--Anonymous
"But just do what they say, don't worry bout your girl. 'Cause I won'r
run away, and I won't run around. And I won't let you down, and without
a doubt, I'll be waiting..."
--Carly Simon, 'Waiting at the Gate'
~~*~~*~~*~~
Scully flicked her eyes back up to Mulder, who looked regal in his tux
and navy blue cumberbund, the same shade as her bridesmaids dress.
He glanced towards her and gave her a dazzling smile, as if he knew
exactly what she was thinking.
The priest was announcing Mr. and Mrs. Charles Scully and the new
couple was heading down the aisle to the theme music from Indiana Jones.
"Which is this Scully? The Last Crusade or The Temple of Doom?" Mulder
said wickedly.
She gave him a look, but couldn't help laughing as they filed out of the
church and to the reception. "The Last Crusade hopefully..." she said
and they turned left and went quickly to the reception room.
When they got there Charles and his wife, Beth, were grinning
ridiculously and recieving hugs and comments.
Dana came up to Charles chuckling,"Great music, Charlie. And
congratulations you guys."
Beth smiled and Dana kissed her cheek and hugged her brother, letting
Mulder awkwardly hug them both. She smiled inwardly at his attempt to be
part of the family, then took his hand and led him away from the couple.
When they made it to a safe corner Mulder grabbed her by the waist and
pressed his lips to hers. "I'm thinking we ditch htis place and fiond
ourselves a second honeymoon."
She smiled and shook her finger. "Unh-uh. You promised. We still have
pictures, Mulder."
As soon as she said it, the photographer appeared and asked them to all
retire to the chapel once more. They chose a different route to avoid
the guests who were coming in and were soon back in their places.
Scully lost Mulder as she talked with her mother but found him talking
with the photographer. Probably trying to make him go as quickly as
possible, she thought.
Mulder came back to her and stood behind her enveloping her small body
in his arms. It caused her back to arch a bit and he smiled and said,
"Ahh, so you were thinking about ditching too, huh?" He shifted his hips
against her purposefully.
"Stop, Mulder," she warned.
He did nut she could sense the silly look of victory that would be in
his eyes, along with the eternal mischief. He seemed to delight in
watching her squirm, which made her more determined to control herself.
And to exact revenge on him for it.
But instead of good plans for revenge, memories were flooding back and
she automatically moved where the photorapher told her to.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"Scully!" he screamed.
She woke to his nightmares again and held him as he sobbed in his sleep,
too afraid of the closeness they had established to wake him from his
dream. He quieted down and drifted back into REM sleep again, once more
at peace.
She had laid beside him in the extra bedroom as he slept onthe couch and
come running for each night terror, if only to hold him and let him sob
through it. She stayed because she was afraid that if she left, he would
forget what he had to live for. He had tried to get her to go home, but
she wouldn't, so he continued to apologize for the nights and said he
was sorry for the hell he had thrust her in.
It seemed the only way he could find to make it up to her was to allow
her to stay beside him. She needed the assurance that in some way she
was helping him, because as she had told him, he was all she had left.
And then for some miraculous reason, Skinner reopened the X-Files and
they'd been paired; partners once again.
His pain seemd to lessen as he threw himself into work, but she would
not let him leave her behind. Just because things seemed to be going
right, she would not abandon thier closeness.
He needed the X-Files and so she didn't push it. In fact she never
brought it up again, but she didn't stop being by his side. Now not only
did he touch her occassionally, but she touched him, his arms, his knee,
when they were sitting together.
She refused to let go. She refused to let their relationship slide back
down the hill it had so perilously climbed.
~~*~~*~~*~~
Mulder's voice snapped her back to the present. "Thinking again, Ms.
Scully? I told you that it's bad for you." he chided softly, tickling
the back of her neck with his breath.
"Hmm, maybe you're right." she said. "You seem to be perfectly fit."
"Hey!"he said, poking her side. "Take that back."
She shook her head and looked at him. "No way. The truth can be brutal."
"I think marriage is brutal," he mumbled, putting on a forced pout, but
wanting to kiss her cute wrinkled nose.
"Oh, you do? Well, since you think so, I'll kindly relieve you of all
your marital duties this evening, Mr. Mulder."
He groaned and it was loud enough to make a few people turn from their
posing and eye him. He gave the curious a nod and as soon as interest
was gone, he grabbed her waist and leaned in to talk in her ear.
"You know Scully, about those marital duties.....Does that include the
dishes? Because then, it might be worth it."
She turned and smacked his arm while he simply smiled. Trust Mulder to
always, somehow impossibly, win their little sparring matches.
She was glad this was the only thing they sparred about now, because two
months ago it had been quite different.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"Scully, just leave all ready!" he shouted.
She stood stock still, hurt but quickly freezing the emotion; it would
thaw later and then she could deal with it.
"Mulder, just let me-"
"Scully! Stop it! Leave me along for heaven's sake!" he yelled and in
his rage a table got knocked into. Papers spilled off and she bent down
and began collecting them again.
He grabbed her hands and yanked her up. "Leave me the hell alone! I
don't need you to baby-sit me anymore!"
She didn't flinch; she'd seen him angry, hurting.
"Mulder, I just want-"
"Screw that!" he screamed and yanked her close enough for her to feel
his breath, hot with rage. "I'm fine! This case is tough, yes, but I
need some privacy Scully! You're too close!"
This time she couldn't catch all the hurt and lock it away, the closet
was full and overflowing. It had no more room and so it all came
spilling out.
And in the most humiliating way possible.
Tears.
end part four
Lemon Trees (5/10)
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When you get lemon trees, go
into business and make lots of money."
--Anonymous
"You have to hurt - to understand
You have to get by, the best you can
Until you hurt - until you cry
You won't know about love
And the reason you're alive."
--Carly Simon, "You Have To Hurt"
Tears.
<Why couldn't they just wait? Stupid. Thinking that because he's hurt
he'd turn to you and allow your comfort. Thinking there could be
something else with such a battered soul, such a hurting broken man.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Especially when you're part of the hurt.
Stupid.>
Her eyes watered and her vision blurred so she turned her face and
wrenched her hands from his death-like grip. She snatched up her purse
and briefcase and made it to the door before the tears could spill over
completely.
As she opened his front door, a hand came and slammed it shut. Her anger
flared but the hurt was too strong and her tears soon put out that fire.
"Damnitt, Mulder," she growled. "Make up your mind." And she yanked on
the doorknob.
He spun her around and pulled her into a crushing embrace.
"I've hurt you," he whispered. "I don't want to hurt you, Scully. I'm
not trying to hurt you."
She became angry again and struggled away, glaring at him, daring him to
say anything about the silent symbols of weakness trailing down her
face.
"But you are, Mulder. You are. So I'm just going to leave."
She opened the door and left him standing, an defeated look of emptiness
on his face.
He didn't run after her.
And that hurt the most.
~~*~~*~~*~~
That had been one of the worst fights, when both of them were frustrated
by the newfound closeness, both afraid and ignorant of where it could
lead.
"Scully? You okay?" he asked and she realized she had been daydreaming,
or more likely, remembering nightmares.
She shrugged. "Just remembering some things."
"Bad things?"
She looked up at him, with the face that said - I don't think you really
want the answer to that - but told him anyway.
"Yes, bad things. But they don't hurt so much anymore."
He threaded his fingers through hers and watched their hands joining,
silent for a long time.
"I hope you remember the good things too."
She nodded with a smile. "Mmm.....How could I forget?" she said, arching
her eyebrows at him.
Humor again.
Thye wouldn't be there without humor, without thier ability to step back
and lighten the mood.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"So I guess it really should have been iced tea," he said, looking at
her thoughtfully.
A grin broke out on her face and it eased the tension in his apartment.
Finally they'd said what had so desperately needed saying after the
things that had happened hte night he'd tried to kill himself. Finally
they talked of that night they had both needed to feel alive, if only to
condemn it.
He wasn't condemning it though. He was joking; he was looking at her
like he'd follow her anywhere, wherever it went.
"I never told you this, but there was iced tea in that bag," she said.
"What?"
"And root beer. I was going to let you have a choice," she said, and sat
on the couch, letting him slide in beside her. "And then when you said
that, I guess it spooked me."
"Spooky?" he said, his eyes twinkling.
She caught his little play on words and ignored the lame joke. "Right. I
played it safe because I didn't know how you'd react to that. And I
wasn't prepared then to deal with that."
He smiled. "Well, I'm choosing iced tea, Scully. Are you prepared?"
end part 5.
Lemon Trees (6/10)
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When you get lemon trees, go
into business and make a lot of money."
--Anonymous
"I'm not sayin' I have all the answers
And I don't care who's right or wrong
I'm trying to pick up the pieces already fallen
And put them back where they belong."
--Shania Twain, "Leaving Is The Only Way Out"
~~*~~*~~*~~
"Okay, pictures are over with." he said and grabbed her hand. "Let's get
out of here."
"Mulder, we have to stick around until they all leave. I'm supposed to
help clean up and mom asked you to do dishes."
He groaned and slumped into her, so that she had to support him.
"Dishes! Scullleeee......."he whimpered.
"You could have said no, Mulder."
"To your mother! Right! Come on, Scully..."
"Dishes Mulder." She took his hand and touched his cheek with the other,
pushing his head up off her shoulder. "Now, stop slouching on me. You
look silly."
"That's okay," he said. "I can look silly. I know you'll still love me."
Those words from his lips had taken a long time to become true to him.
"Mulder, come one," she said with a sigh.
He kissed the neck that was within such easy reach, then nuzzled,
causing her to loose track of what she had just been about to say.
"Now, is that silly?"
"Umm...." she murmured and closed her eyes. He pulled away and stared at
her until she opened her eyes again, noticing the lack of warm breath on
her cheek.
"What?" she said to his stare.
"You look beautiful," he said softly.
She smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on his chin. "Thank you.
You're still doing the dishes."
She took his hands and led him away, remembering the first time she
realized that they would truly make it. It had been with those same
words.
~~*~~*~~*~~
"Scully.......if you're there, pick up." came his voice from the
machine. A sigh followed this entreaty. "Okay.......call me then."
Dana sat in her favorite chair, her feet tucked up under her adn a mug
of hot chocolate forgotten in her hands, its warmth long gone.
It had been bad again between them, to the point where she wondered if
this new step had been a totally bad idea.
The thought was tearing her up inside.
She was trying to make it work, oh she was trying. She could understand
the fights about little things, all couples did that.
But these fights were about major obstacles in their lives.
Like when Mulder would be very clingy for a period, then shut her out
completely for a time, making her feel like she was on a roller coaster.
And neither extreme was pleasant.
She felt like screaming and running when he was so suffocating, and then
she felt unwanted and depressed when he went the other way. There was no
in between.
And he complained that she never opened up to him. That she wouldn't
communicate with him.
She supposed it was partly true. He felt he was giving everything to
make it work, when in fact, she felt overloaded by all he did give. Like
all the pain and fear and hurt he felt and dumped on her was building to
where she had to explode.
<But Dana Scully doesn't explode.>
She had a tendency to take things that hurt and hide them away, never
think about them until they gradually eroded away her mind and she was
left angry and moody.
And Mulder was quite impatient with that now, having been on the
recieving end of that moodiness.
She supposed she was doing it again. But she didn't think she could talk
to him without making a huge mistake that she would forever regret.
She didn't want to fight anymore.
It almost wasn't worth it. It wouldn't have been worth it, but for one
small thing.
She loved him with all of her soul.
Giving up on what they had was like cutting off her oxygen, or making
her amputate part of herself she sorely needed.
Mulder was her other half. A much needed, much loved other half. She
couldn't live without him.
She wanted it very badly to work.
But some things just didn't, no matter how much they put into it, how
much love they had.
She wanted him.
She needed him.
She loved him.
But it was eating her away.
It was too hard.
Her door burst open and he was there, face flushed and eyes feverishly
devouring her body. He went to her, took the cold coffee mug from her
limp hands and picked her up, as if about to carry her across the
threshold.
He carried her to her bed and gently laid her down. The clock said a
little after midnight and she was surprised at how late it was.
Mulder slid into the sheets beside her, pulling the quilt up over them.
"Scully, you're the most beautiful soul I know. I don't want to loose
you." he said, his hands itching to touch her, but restraining.
For a long time she laid there, trembling ever so slightly, waiting for
his touch, but it did not come.
She craved his touch.
Then she turned and rested her body against his, not caring that she
still had on her clothes and that they were getting wrinkled. She laid
her head on his chest and encircled him with her arms.
"My mom said to never go to bed mad." she said, sighing.
"I don't like fighting Scully. We can work this out, as long as we stick
together. No more going hime mad, no more clamming up about things."
She sighed. "I hate fights too. But even when we fight, I still love
you."
He squeezed her tighter and brushed the hair away from her face.
"You're so beautiful, Scully."
He said it as if he couldn't believe he could have something so
beautiful.
~~*~~*~~*~~
end part 6.
Lemon Trees (7/10)
"When life hands you lemons, amke lemonade. When you get lemon trees, go
into business and make lots of money."
--Anonymous
"When all we wanted was the dream to have and to hold that precious
little thing like every generation yields the newborn hope unjaded by
thier years."
--Sarah McLachlan, "Wait"
They had even worse fights than that, but they could always see the end.
Then a month they had gotten married, despite whatever problems the job
might offer. Skinner surprised them; he didn't care.
And CancerMan hadn't come after them yet.
They were still waiting.
It'd only been a month, but they felt ridiculously safe, like their love
gave them added security.
She knew that really it probably made them even more of a target, but
she couldn't care too much, when they had decided they'd stick by each
other.
No matter what.
The only thing that was uncomfortable between them was the cancer.
He felt guilty about it, not only because he couldn't find a cure, but
because he hadn't found her in time.
Scully was touchy about it anyway.
She didn't like thinking about her death and leaving him alone. Not so
soon after what they'd found.
Then he had told her about the infertility.
Sometimes, on bad days, she'd sit and stare and think way too much about
morbid things and he'd come and after awhile and just hold her until she
could finally cry.
On the good days, she barely thought of it, except for the odd moment
that she saw an exceptionally different child, and she'd wonder what
their child would have been like.
Then she'd get a certain look on her face and he's whisper to her that
all he needed was her until she came back to him again.
Those moments, when she was the weakest, she relied on him the most and
he never failed her.
So while the deep soul depression of his was ending, hers began.
But the wedding had been nice, helping Charlie and Beth and getting back
into family life.
It hurt too much to dwell on problems, and was somewhat foolish since
she had so many blessings.
<Mulder could be dead.>
The thought always hit her whenever she felt bad.
Then she shudder and kiss him.
When the limo pulled away, and they were all finished, Scully was
plunged back into reality, simply with his words:
"Let's go home."
It made her feel sick to her stomach to think of going home, even with
Mulder there to keep her from being alone.
For some reason, she wanted lots of family and friends surrounding her;
she craved their mindless gossip and carefree discussions. She didn't
want to go back to the world of shadows and pains, fears and paranoia.
But she left with Mulder and climbed the stairs to their apartment and
sat on the couch while he pulled off his tux.
She stared out the window, watching the cars go by down below and the
smoke drift up from the nightclub down the street. She shook her head
and stood, trying to dispell the melancholy that seemed to follow her.
She stripped as she made her way to the bedroom, discarding hose, shoes
and dress in short order, and pulling on boxers and a white T-shirt
under the watchful and appreciative eyes of Mulder.
He came up behind her as she took her hair down from the french twist,
and kissed her neck. She shivered and smiled at him in the dresser
mirror. He picked up her brush and began to run it through her dark red
gold hair, until she was drousy at the touch.
He then led her gently to bed and laid her down, slipping her tired body
between the sheets and pulling up the quilt, in almost the exact same
movements as that night so long ago, when they knew they'd make it.
As her eyes closed, her lips parted and he kissed them, just a soft
brush, and got in bed beside her.
She was asleep before he had even settled in.
He was glad; she'd been so moody lately and he was all too afraid that
his empty sorrow had found a place in her crumbling heart.
She had never thought she wouldn't be able to give Mulder a child.
end part 7.
Lemon Trees (8/10)
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When you get lemon trees, go
into business and make a lot of money."
--Anonymous
"There is a mountain ahead I've got no strength to climb. If you're
feeling that you're strong, reach out to me. I hope this journey won't
take long, but won't you please, have mercy."
--Amy Grant, 'Helping Hand'
~~*~~*~~*~~
Mulder was slammed into sudden consciousness by hysterical sobbing. He
reached for Scully immediately and drew her to him, soothing her shaking
body with touch and soft words, until she seemed to wake and dispel
whatever dream that had come.
"I'm here, Scully. I'm here," he crooned, holding her.
She slumped into him and shuddered. "That was awful," she choked out.
"You want to tell me?"he said, still cradling her.
"I - I was watching someone die, someone I loved......" she said softly.
"And it was too bright for me to see the person, but I knew.......The
dream had the same fear, that same familiar laothing and disgust as
before."
He knew what she meant. The nightmare had been producing the same
feelings as the memory of her abduction.
"Oh Scully. You're safe. I'm safe. We're okay. No one's hurt." he said,
touching her face with an almost reverent hand.
She knew logically that safe was relevant, but she did feel secure and
protected in his arms.
She snuggled closer and closed her eyes, trying not to think that maybe
the dream was her way of mourning for the child of theirs never to be.
Someone she loved dying........
"I love you," she said and he tightened his embrace. His lips grazed her
forehead and she seemed to be settling back down.
"You're safe Scully. You're loved." he whispered.
But love couldn't seem to heal the hurt, the shame of being barren. And
it was coming out in her dreams and nightmares.
The empty sorrow seemed to have taken residence in her soul.
~~*~~*~~*~~
A few days later, Mulder finally got word to the renegade Kurt
Crawfords, begging that they meet him, for the good of their 'mother.'
One of the hybrids met with him, becoming extremely agitated when Mulder
told him of the frozen eggs he had taken and that now, he wanted to give
her a child of her own.
Crawford frowned and shook his head, then began to walk away.
Mulder grabbed his arm. "Hey!"
Kurt turned at his shout and seemed to snarl in his face. "You should be
worried about her cancer, you fool. *Not* thinking years down the line -
she doesn't have them! It'll never happen if she isn't cured, got that?
She won't be around for it."
Mulder pulled back as if slapped and his eyes teared, his breath caught.
Anger blossomed and he shook the man. "Don't you think I know that?" he
yelled. "Don't you think it's killing me? So I'm being selfish, in
wanting a child of hers left on this earth, for me to see her in. So
maybe I am. But it's less selfish than running off and leaving her every
day, looking for vain hopes and fleeting promises. I won't waste our
time chasing clouds when I could be spending every second with her. I
recognize that now. I'm not saying stop looking for a cure, for a
miracle, but I am saying, help us with another. Help us have a child."
Kurt looked at him for a long time, something evidently asked and
answered in the flaming eyes of Mulder.
Slowly he looked off to the sky, which was cloudy and full of
threatening rain. He came to a decision.
"Bring the eggs to this address." he said finally, pulling out a card
and handing it to him.
Then, eyes shifting back and forth, Kurt Crawford left, not allowing
Mulder time to question.
Mulder got back in his car and sat for a long time, watching the rain
slide down the windshield, urging some drops to move faster, beat the
others in the mini race he had conjured up.
While it was true that he had learned much after being married, after
forcing them to talk of some issues that before remained unresloved, he
still had things he kept to himself. And this was one thing he debated
about keeping quiet.
Why give her needless hope, when in all likelihood, it would fail?
But should he go on and not tell her, and she find out, he'd be dead.
And she would be against it, one hundred percent.....no matter how good
it was.
She'd be very angry if he didn't.
And she was very good at making him feel her anger.
Mulder sighed as a drop of rain tracked down the glass and fell off the
edge.
He should probably tell her.
She was in such melancholy, such a sickness of the soul, that she needed
some hope, however false it might turn out to be.
He just prayed that when they had no hopes left, he could catch her
before she fell.
end part 8
Lemon Trees (9/10)
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. If you get lemon trees, go
into business and make a lot of money."
--Anonymous
"And the heart, the heart will ever be a witness
A precious time no treasure is worth
And the child, the child will carry our existence
Through the days that we have on earth."
--Beth Nielson Chapman, 'Dancer to the Drum'
~~*~~*~~*~~
"What?!" Her face was so white and pale that her red hair stood out like
hot fire and her eyes like briliant turquoise. She seemed ready to
either collapse or explode at him.
"I found them in a hidden part of the fertility clinic, Scully. They
wanted to help. I took one of the frozen ov-"
"What?"
He felt miserable; this was a bad idea, a very bad idea.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before Scully. I . . . with the cancer
and all . . . I didn't know how to..."
"Mulder," she whispered.
He finally looked directly into her eyes, saw that she could barely
stand.
He caught her and pulled her to him, cradling the trembling little
girl she had suddenly turned into. With his news, she seemed to fall
right out of reality.
"Dana?" he said softly, worried. He only used her first name when he
was worried about her, or when he was touched by something she had done.
"I'm fine," she whispered.
He chuckled. "Liar."
She leaned her full weight against him, her touch like that of
butterflies, making his skin feel alive and sensitized to her touch.
"Just . . . shocked. Trying not to let myself hope in this because . .
. I . . . oh Mulder. Oh gods, I hope anyway. I'm hoping anyway."
He stroked her back and kissed the side of her neck, then her ear.
"We'll be okay, you'll be okay, Scully. Whatever happens, you know I'm
here."
She nodded her head against his chest. "I know. After all this time, I
know. And I believe it."
~~*~~*~~*~~
"We think it can work, Mulder. And we think it's what will save her. Her
cancer can be fought with the natural hormones a woman produces in
abundance during pregnancy, combined with a chemical reaction to some
stuff we will supply."
"Stuff?" he said with doubt.
"Put in layman's terms for you, Mulder." the Kurt Crawford said.
"Oh. So by making her infertile, they've effectively killed the
chances of curing her."
"Correct. Except we have a way of making her pregnant."
Mulder sat down hard on the hood of his car.
"Can I go get Dana?" he whispered, looking like a lost little boy.
Kurt nodded and pulled out another card, an address written on the
other side to indicate the next meeting place.
Mulder and Scully would be there.
~~*~~*~~*~~
Mulder couldn't understand why she continued to act this way. The
attitude that nothing good could possibly happen and there was no reason
to even begin to hope - she carried it around with her all day.
He had told her of the posibility. She had agreed to it and gone that
very day to see the Crawfords, have them perform their miracle.
He oculd barely contain his threatening excitement and he couldn't
understand why she refused to be optimistic.
"You have enough hope for the both of us, Mulder," she'd said when he
had confronted her. "Someone needs to be strong when it fails."
Hadn't he told himself, promised himself, that he'd be the one to
catch her when the hopes died?
But he didn't realize that she wanted so much to be able to give him
something, some great gift to fully show him that she loved him, that
they together were special, unique, beautiful. And it hurt too much to
hope that it could be possible, because she would die if it didn't work.
She would crumble like crackers into a soup of depression and despair.
Already she seemed to be waterlogged in this soup, quickly sinking.
This could pull her out, this could save her.
"Scully? We never really talked about this. Do you even want a child
now?"
She frowned. "Of course. That's the only reason I'm doing this,
Mulder. If it happens to cure the cancer, then it does, and if it
doesn't, no big disappointment. But if I - I can't give you a child, if
I can't have your baby, then I.......oh Mulder, I couldn't-"
"Scully....." he said, pulling her to him and quieting her with his
fierceness. "I love you. You. Not potentials, promises, might-be's.
You."
She nodded. "But I want to........oh, this sounds very domestic, very
romance novel.....but I want to be the mother of your children. I want
to feel your seed growing within me...."
He laughed softly. "I wouldn't let any other."
~~*~~*~~*~~
end part 9
Lemon Trees (10/10)
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. If you get lemon trees, go
into business and make a lot of money."
--Anonymous
"my Lord
she's a miracle child
I know
she's a miracle child
and I saw
how she'd chosen the grave
my Lord
it's a miracle save"
--Newsboys, 'miracle child'
~~*~~*~~*~~
She was pregnant.
It was confirmed.
The Crawfords had disappeared again, but the proof of their existence
remained, in the tiny cells forming the life within her.
It seemed that every day was a new discovery of the life around her,
as if the life growing inside of her gave her life itself.
"Scully?" he said, laughing as she made a face at him from the couch.
"What?" she answered, squirming a little.
"Is my footrub that bad?"
Her face cleared and she became surprised, with a tinge of something
he liked to define as motherhood.
"No. Why?" she said, as he continued to massage her feet.
"Because you're making the silliest faces."
She stuck her tongue out and waved her toes at him. "It feels good. I
make faces because I can feel my muscles responding and loosening under
your fingers."
He flashed her the classic sardonic look and said, "I bet my fingers
can make more than your feet respond."
She wrinkled her nose and he had the sudden urge to lean forward and
kiss her.
So he did.
And she pulled away after awhile and sighed. He cocked his head as if
to say - what are you thinking - and pulled on her smallest toe.
"I'm happy, Mulder. I thought I had caught that sorrow that was going
around. But it's gone." She looked away. "And even if this doesn't work
. . . if we loose the baby, or I get sick, I'll be all right. We'll be
all right. I think I have learned how to live. And it's not something
I'll ever forget. I thank you for that - for making me keep going even
-"
"Scully, Scully. I love you."
And he held her close, abandoning her foot for the comfort of her
body. He needed connnection with the life he could see growing inside
her.
"I don't know what I would do if you didn't." she whispered.
It was going to be okay again.
They had come through Mulder's guilts and fears, and emerged whole
through Scully's own inadequacies, her own fears. In their life, they
were together.
Sorrow was a constant dark looming presence in their life, but something
they could deal with, something to be managed.
With the new life infusing them both, fire had been brought back to
their souls, chasing away the shadows and guarding against the wolves
that circled.
Scully nestled her cheek against his still grizzly one, the stubble
grazing her soft skin and make her feel every pore in her body more
acutely. It seemed everything was new to her, everything a discovery.
"It's going to be a girl, Scully. With beautiful auburn hair, and your
startling blue eyes, and when I see her, I'll remember......"
"Remember what?"
"Remember how to live....."
end.
adios
RocketMan
how did this fare?