Out of the Sky
(1/1)Date sent: Sat, 14 Mar 1998 14:10:39 +0000
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No
infringement is intended. Also, "Lights of Life" is the property of
Donna Lewis.
Rating: Harmless. UST OKay for Non-Shippers but also wonderful for
Shippers.
SPOILER : This occurs during "The Red and the Black" when Mulder comes
to her in the hospital, then directly after. Spolier for all of US5.
Out of the Sky
~~~~~~~~~~
"out of the sky came the lights
out of the night
out of the fear came the strength
strength to live
out of the sky came the lights
lights of life"
--Donna Lewis "Lights of Life"
~~~~~~~~~~
She watched his eyes follow her body along the length of the hospital
bed, her face drawn and incomplete without the strength she normally
depended upon.
He had come in and sat down and looked at her as if she was the only
thing alien in all of this.
She turned her eyes away and wondered how he could possibly do this to
her. She had trusted his ideas, his belief, and he had given up on those
things. He had given up. That was what it came down to.
Here she was, alive, fighting, needing answers to the truths they had
found and Mulder had given up.
She said nothing of this though.
"Scully." he said and stopped. He wanted to ask her why she had gone to
that place, why she had allowed herself to be fooled, duped, controlled,
when she had been the one to show him the way of true 'enlightenment'.
She had taken the Department of Defense man to him, she had said the
words that would condemn him.
"They gave me this cancer to make you believe."
His head jerked up as if she had spoken the words aloud.
Of course, she had said nothing. She never spoke when speaking was what
they needed most. She never shut up when it was not what was needed. She
confused him now. She believed and she had been the one to show him the
light, to bring him the truth.
She had been the one to reveal the lies.
Why did she now embrace those lies?
"Scully-"
She turned and he stopped speaking, realizing that there was nothing he
could really say right now. She would have to begin.
"Mulder."
It was not enough.
Words were never enough. It didn't matter why she'd been there, why she
believed in these lies, or even why she had destroyed his own belief in
the very things she now beleived.
It did not matter.
"I thought you were dead."
Her face collapsed into pain and she reached for his hands, pulling him
closer until he could hold her.
"I thought you were dead, Scully."
He did not cry or tremble or fear, only stayed in her embrace, willing
her strength to once again come over him like a heavenly benediction.
Her strength did not come.
He slumped away and stood softly, looking out to the sky.
Everything he thought had been, everything he had assumed to see,
everything she had denied.
Everything.
It was there with them, holding council and deciding their fate. Would
they be as strong? Would death take them or just rob from them? Would
belief be more important that trust?
Would life be important enough to give strength?
He had no answers.
He had nothing.
~~~~~
(In the car, after Mulder's encounter - so to speak)
~~~~~
She was taking his hand and prying it from his face.
He still did not know what had happened. He knew nothing anymore.
He looked at her with such abuse and hurt and wretched confusion that
she could say nothing to him. Nothing to make him easy about it.
Once, long ago, he would have been ecstatic, painting lines onto roads
or running out into the rain and whooping like a warrior sucessful in
the hunt.
Long ago, there had been things to believe in.
Long ago, she had been green and closed minded, yet also accepting and
embracing.
Long ago, nothing had changed them.
His hand was cold and wet from tears of stunned confusion.
He had pulled his head out of the sand to find the land destroyed by
flood and fire and famine.
He had pulled his head out to find her standing there in confusion, not
knowing even where to start, where to begin cleaning up.
But alive. Alive and that was all he had asked of anyone.
"Mulder. Lights . . . "
"I saw lights." he answered, turning his head to look at her again.
"People?"
"Something. Figures."
A pause came through as he collected all his strange thoughts.
"When you reached out to me in the hypnosis, you talked of men without
faces, Scully."
"On the tape, I heard that. Yes."
"I think I saw your faceless men."
He squeezed her hand and knew why she had reached out her hand to him.
He needed something too.
"Yes, and then?"
She prompted him gently and a part of him was proud of the way she
handled the questioning - not too obtrusive, not too soft. Just right
when dealing with a person in shock. She had learned alot from him.
"Then nothing. Nothing."
"Remember this Mulder. Don't try to make it fit into something, don't
try to make it a truth or a lie. Don't close your mind to anything."
He grinned with the irony. "At one time, I said such things to you."
"At one time, I did not want to think."
"You think more clearly now?"
"I see more clearly the things I did not like to see before. I just wish
it hadn't taken the destruction of your belief to make me see."
He reeled away from her mentally, but his hand stayed firmly in hers. He
could not remember who had reached for whom, who had needed the touch.
"Are you saying you believe? After you've torn apart my belief in these
things piece by piece, you're saying you believe?!"
Her eyes would not look away from him and she would not let his go.
"I was . . . I still don't believe in everything, Mulder. I still have
trouble thinking there are aliens . . . but there is something going
on."
"Yes. It's called government conspiracy."
"Yes. I know that. What else though?"
"Nothing else. Scully, you brought the man to me. You heard what he said
and you beleived it. After years of listening to me, years of seeing the
same things I had, years of witnessing, you believed him. Someone had to
be wrong there, something had to go."
"But that could have been a plot, a deception too, Mulder. He could have
been given a different kind of lie, just as you now believe you were.
It-"
"Scully! Make up your mind. You go back and forth and never say
anything. You came to me in the beginning, scoffing, and said it was
highly unlikely for there to be aliens here. You said you did not
believe. Lights in the sky, implants, odd creatures, *things*, did not
change that. Nothing changed that. Now there are things in the sky,
lights, unexplained phenomenon and you believe." He stopped to breathe
in, exhaling the pent up pain.
"Where has my old Scully gone?"
She fell silent and looked at the sky for awhile, wishing she had said
nothing to him about it.
Then a soft question from her that rocked him back, breaking their
connected hands:
"Where has my old Mulder gone?"
His eyes sank down into the recesses of his cheeks, hands coming to his
face.
"I need your stability, Scully."
"You think I don't need yours?"
"For what?" he whispered.
"To know where I should stand!" she cried out, but shut up when the MP
came in and started the car.
They were driven to a barracks and questioned, sometimes roughly,
sometimes softly. Words dribbled from them that had no coherence. They
didn't know what to believe, what to suggest had happened, what to ask
to find out.
They were taken to a street corner near Mulder's apartment and dumped.
They were alone again.
He took her hand and rubbed away the dirt smudged on her fingers. His
eyes did not look at hers, his face did not look down to meet hers.
He stared above her and started for his apartment, letting her walk
beside him like a ghostly shadow.
She did not know where to stand.
~~~~~
end
adios
RM
paranoia
(1/1)Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 23:04:30 +0000
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013 and Fox. For shame, I
am coveting.
Notes: Yes, that is a lower case "p". I'm just trying to be difficult.
<g>
Classification: Hopefully, this is humor. Maybe a little dark, little
stupid.
paranoia
=====
"This was, of course, the route to madness: viewing *all* of life as
one elaborate conspiracy conducted by elite manipulators who see all and
know all. The sane understand that human beings are incapable of
sustaining conspiracies on a grand scale, because some of our most
defining qualities as a species are inattention to detail, a tendency to
panic, and an inability to keep our mouths shut. Cosmically speaking, we
are barely able to tie our shoes. If there is, indeed, some secret order
to the universe, it is not of our doing, and we are probably not even
capable of apprehending it."
--Dean Koontz, "Nothing to Fear"
=====
She was watching him sowly move towards her as if she did not trust him
an inch. As if she could not trust him after what he'd done.
Mulder sighed and turned to Scully.
"You try. The stupid bird won't let me come near her."
"Hm, could it be because you were the one to-"
"Just do it, Scully."
Dana frowned and stood there for an exaggerated period of time to help
underline just how little control over her he really had, then turned to
the bird, which completely made her earlier statement null and void. He
did have control: she just didn't know it.
"Come on, sweetie. Come on. It's okay. It's okay."
"Ah, Scully, you think it can speak English, or are you humoring me
here?"
Her teeth ground together. "Humoring you, I suppose. Mulder, it won't
trust either of us after you knocked the poor thing."
"I didn't mean to." he said loudly, to her and to the bird.
She glanced up at him with a smirk. "You think it can speak English, or
are you humoring me?"
He glared and squatted down on his haunches to where he could see the
bird.
Her little head darted around and around, looking at him from either
side, eyes seemingly inappropriate in such a potentially deadly
situation.
"Why would God be so stupid?"
Dana knocked him to the ground with a well placed blow.
"Ouch," grumbled and growled at her. "Seriously. He must be an idiot.
The bird's eyes are on the side of her head! How has she survived this
long without either running into a tree or simply walking straight into
a trap?"
"Mulder." she sighed.
"Look at her. She's pitifully frightened."
"That's because you beaned the creature! She's afraid of you!"
"And why? Because some idiot made her with eyes that don't work worth-"
"Mulder, seriously, leave it alone."
"That brings me to an interesting question, too. If God made this
creature so horribly ill-prepared for life, think of the problems when
he made us!!"
"Mulder, you're nuts. You don't even seem to believe in God."
"I do, kind of. But think about it. If I did, I'd be pretty pissed off
that he was such a quack at being Creator and everything. Or maybe God
did this all for a laugh. Maybe he's up there right now rolling on the
clouds as he watches us all twist our heads around like this bird."
"Mulder, a bird has eyes like that so it can see what's coming from the
sides. You know the term, blind-sided? Well, there you go."
Mulder frowned. "So, really, it's a huge conspiracy against us, isn't
it? God made us have eyes in front so that we could never see what's
coming, yet lull us into this false sense of security that we're the
superior species."
"Mulder, should I be reserving a psych interview for you?"
He looked back to his animal superior, the frightened, helpless bird.
"Imagine, this little thing is above us in the -"
"Seriously, Mulder, you're freaking me out."
Mulder paused. "Yeah, I'm freaking myself out."
His eyes strayed from the bird back to her, watching the wariness on her
face recede as she saw sanity in his eyes.
He smiled. "Good thing I don't believe in that kind of God."
"What kind do you believe in?"
"Oh, my God's pretty unconcerned with who's on top."
"The first shall be last, and the last shall be first," she quoted.
"Something like that. Well, let's leave this stupid bird here if it's
going to be so untrusting."
She stopped and stared at him. "All that and now you want to leave it?"
"Sure. Why not?"
She stared coldly at him and went back to the bird. "Maybe because I
never gave up on you when you were so untrusting."
He scoffed and kicked some dirt with a shoe. "But, Scully, this bird
doesn't have any reason to be paranoid."
"You're not paranoid if there really is someone out to get you."
He glared. "I'm not out to get the bird."
"It's down here, isn't it? And you're still up there, aren't you?"
He sighed loudly and dropped to his knees, trying to show her she could
not control him, but saying she did as he scooped up the bird.
"Stupid thing is pecking me to death."
"If you die of being pecked, I'm not the one who's going to explain to
Skinner why you couldn't make it to the meeting."
He grinned down at her with a singularly lewd look. "Guess you've never
been pecked to death?"
She glared and shook her head. "That was frightful Mulder. Have you no
shame?"
"Nope, just paranoia. I'm relieved to hear you haven't been p-"
"Okay, just shut up now."
He grinned and got in the passenger side of the car, letting her dig
into his jacket pocket for the car keys when they were both inside.
He simply looked at her and smiled when she pretended to gag.
"OKay, on to the vet." he said loudly.
Scully rolled her eyes and wished she had a button to turn him off.
~~~~~
Phoenix
(1/1)Date sent: Thu, 21 May 1998 20:00:41 +0000
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully and the fire and the XFiles belong to CC,
1013, and Fox. No fringe intended.
Summary: Mulder goes to Diana's bedside and Scully comes too. Possible
MSR.
Phoenix
====
"At the end of each life cycle, the phoenix burned itself on a funeral
pyre. Another phoenix then rose from the ashes with renewed youth and
beauty
. . . and it was always male."
--World Book Encyclopedia
====
Diana was lying there with her breath coming in short gasps as her
pressure exerted nothing to keep her blood flowing.
He wanted her to live simply because at one point in his life, he had
loved her. But he had been correct earlier - he had done okay without
her. He had done wonderfully without her, but he couldn't say it like
that to her.
He wished he did not have to be here, but who else would come? Who else
knew her enough to not want her to die but him?
Scully had come too.
He had asked her and he suppsoed it wasn't too fair to her, but she was
his best friend, and right now, he needed a friend.
She was watching him with an expression in her face that he couldn't
place, yet it looked almost sympathetic or sorrowed.
"Scully?"
"Hm?"
"I don't love her anymore."
A silence seemed to knock her down, or maybe it was just his words.
Then softly, her face not looking at him she said, "Yes you do, Mulder."
He frowned. "No-"
"Yes, you do. Maybe not like you once did, but old habits die hard. You
love her, and I think that's wonderful."
He glanced cautiously to her but she was staring into her coffee,
letting the brown and cream swirl into fine art work within her cup.
"Wonderful?"
"Well, I'm glad you had a good relationship with someone. You deserve
it."
"This wasn't so good, Scully."
She nodded and said nothing and he knew that there was something more to
this than just 'wonderful.'
"Scully, what are we going to do?"
She looked up at him in shock, her face clearly showing her utter lack
of hope, her desperate plea that he be the one to figure out what they
had to do.
"I don't know Mulder. I don't know." she said, her words coming out
rushed and pained.
She closed her eyes. "All I can see is your poster, burned and breaking,
the black walls, the twisted metal file cabinets. All I can see is your
face as you look at it . . . "
He nodded, feeling somewhat ashamed that he was having this conversation
while Diana struggled for life.
It seemed that they were all struggling for life.
"Do you know what I see when I close my eyes? I see you standing in the
midst of all of it, standing like flame at the scene of the crime and I
can't help but feel that next time, the flames could be burning you, or
me, or someone else we love. It reminded me way too much of that bridge
and how I really didn't take you seriously and I should have. I'm sorry,
I should have."
She shook her head and took his hand. "That doesn't change any of today
or yesterday, Mulder. Don't be sorry for that. Be sorry that we were so
blind we didn't see how well they were manipulating us. . . "
"Scully . . . Scully, whatever happens to us . . . I'm not giving up.
I'm going to find the answers and the truth because we both deserve it.
You deserve it."
She smiled faintly at him, like a teacher accepting adoration from a
little boy.
"Mulder, we'll fix this, somehow. We'll find Gibson and he could tell us
anything . . . could tell us all the reasons why."
"Scully, back in that hospital . . . I was thinking about you."
She sat back, smiling a little and taking her eyes from her coffee.
"I was thinking about you too, Mulder."
He gave a little delighted grin and sat back, thinking only that he
could do anything with her beside him. Anything.
She leaned over and squeezed his hand. "We'll get them back Mulder. We
will."
The heart moniter beeped and then alarmed and he jerked up as Scully
rushed to get some help.
He watched Diana breathe in, then out, then not back in again, and her
body stopped, and her eyes rolled, and he knew, as she lay dying, that
he would be able to do okay without her.
Scully pulled him aside to let the doctors work on her, and he glanced
down to see her looking up at him.
"I'm okay," he assured her and then kissed her forehead.
He could see the rebirth of them among the ruins of the X-Files, he
could see their triumphant victory in her eyes that watched him.
Hell, they would be more than okay.
They were going to crack this thing wide open.
~~~~
adios
RM
Phone Calls
(1/1)Date: Sun, 07 Sep 1997 22:20:41 +0000
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Scully and Mulder are the property of Chris Carter and 1013,
also Fox. No infringement is intended.
MAX (2/2) SPOILER.....tiny Pilot spoiler......one cuss word, d***it.
Author's Notes: This is a Scully POV on the phone in Max (2/2) when she
is trying to keep Mulder from opening the bag he found in the airport.
Loosely phrased dialogue because I didn't write it all down during the
episode. Sorry.
Phone Calls (1/1)
"Mulder, don't open the bag. Mulder? You hear me? Don't open the bag!"
I shout into the phone as I walk down the psych ward.
"Do you hear me Mulder? Don't open the bag!"
I can tell his line is breaking up and I feel suddenly sickened.
"Mulder?!"
"Hold on, Scully. I'll tell you what it is in a minute." he says, that
low whispery voice coming through rough.
"No Mulder! Don't!"
Nothing.
<Oh, God, don't let him open it! It's radioactive, it could be deadly,
or ->
My breath isn't coming very well.
I can't hear him, I can't tell what's going on.
"Mulder!"
Nothing.
He's probably opening it righ now, wave after invisible wave will
assualt his body and scorch his flesh.
I shudder.
Sometimes being a forensic examiner isn't so great.
It gives my imagination way too much to work with.
I am holding my breath, my face twisted, straining to hear every single
thing from his end that I can.
<God, don't let him get hurt!>
"Scully. It looks like . . . ."
I don't even hear the rest of his description; instead my eyes close in
relief and I breathe again.
" . . . get a good picture with X-ray . . . "
I shake off the latch key fear and resume the professional stance again.
I just am afraid that someone else will die before I do.
Pendrell wasn't supposed to die, not before me anyway. I'm the one who
has a life threatening case of cancer, I'm the one knocking loudly to be
let in on Death's door.
Not Pendrell.
And not Mulder.
Thank God.
~~~~X~~~~X~~~~
"I've got the man who killed Pendrell."
This stops me short.
"What?!"
"Yeah, listen, can you have a car waiting for me?"
"I don't think that will be a problem Mulder." I say, still unable to
believe Pendrell is dead, let alone that Mulder has his killer.
"Oh, and get Skinner out there too. I don't want to ruin it trying to
get him off the plane."
"Okay."
I am about to speak again when I hear his sharp intake.
"Scully my watch has stopped."
<Nine minutes! We lost nine minutes! Do you know what this means?>
I shiver.
The phone hits something.
"Mulder!"
Silence.
"Mulder! Hello? Mulder!"
No! Not again, damnitt!
"Mulder!"
I am shaking; I can't let this happen.
His watch stopped, his *watch* stopped.
All the people on that plane, and none had a watch found on them.
<Are you accusing these people of covering up evidence?>
Their watches stopped, someone had to do it.
Someone had to make all that disappear, someone had to attempt to
assassinate the man who would give us that evidence.......someone had to
kill Pendrell.
Oh, no......His watch stopped.
A scream.
A loud symphony of screams.
Mulder.
I hear him, in the background, telling someone to 'drop the bag.'
He's yelling, people are screaming, and I can hear a roar.
A roar.
Making the phone rattle on the other end so that it echoes into my ear.
Mulder.
<Not Mulder. Please God, not Mulder.>
"Hey! Let it go! Let it go!"
Mulder's strong, soothing voice trying to gain control.
Nothing.
Silence.
Then the hiss of static telling me the phone line has been disconnected.
Oh.....no.....
Mulder.
I am running to find Skinner, to get to the airport, to call someone and
ask them to keep an eye out for his flight.
Not Mulder.
Not Mulder.
Not again.
~~~~X~~~~X~~~~
"Would you like to tell me what's going on here Agent Mulder?" Skinner
asks, annoyed that Mulder would bring him out to the airport on a
seemingly false accusation.
I release Mulder's wrist, feeling unsettled at the nine minute time
difference, and purse my lips.
"I don't think you want to know." I say, suprising myself, Skinner, and
most of all, Mulder.
He glances to me with a look of shock and I see the image in my mind of
Mulder's watch, at 10:47, while mine clearly says 10:56.
It's late.
I want to go home, curl up in bed and just stop thinking for awhile.
No more trying to figure out why nine minutes are so important.
I want to stay away from things like that.
I want to stop having to pretend I'm fine even though each drop of blood
reminds me I'm not.
Mulder leads me off the plane, out to the parking lot, taking the keys
from my hands.
I slump in the seat and sigh.
"Mulder, you've got to stop doing that."
He starts, not expecting to hear my voice since I usually shut up and
allow him to think after such emotionally draining cases.
"What? Doing what?"
"Leaving me thinking you're about to . . . to be gone . . . or dead."
He glances quickly to me and then back at the road.
"Let's talk later." he says.
"Mulder!"
"No. I mean when we get to your apartment. I don't want to have a
wreck."
He smiles wryly at me.
I raise an eyebrow and say, "My thoughts are not *that* earth shaking."
He gives me that smirk. "Yeah, I know. Tell me about it."
I frown and decide not to even comment on *his* thoughts.
"No, Scully. I just think it'd be best if I could pay attention."
Suprise. Suprise.
First he remembers my birthday, now this.
We make it home in one piece, besides that he kept looking over at me to
make sure I was all right.
"So, what did you mean?"
I smile as we are barely in the door.
It was a struggle for him to keep in his curiousity.
Curiousity killed the cat.
"Satisfaction brought him back." he says.
"Did I say that out loud?"
He looks at me strangely, then puts a hand to my head.
"Hmmm. No fever."
I swat at him and sit at the couch.
He stradles the computer chair, a safe distance from me.
"Mulder, what I was referring to was your tendency to leave me out in
the cold. You did it twice today. Once when you had the bag and I told
you not to open it, yet you proceeded to ignore me and didn't even tell
me you had heard my warning-"
"But Scully!"
"Mulder, listen to me." I plead, my face almost losing its mask.
He jerks back in the chair, horrified at my control loss.
"I - I'm listening." he says, his voice low with danger.
"You don't even think of what you're doing to people, to me." I say.
"I don't mean to, Scully." he says.
"I know. I just want you to be aware of it." I say in a resigned voice,
knowing that he will never fully think about his actions, or the effect
they may have on me.
He nods and gets up.
I guess he's leaving before I can start crying or something.
But he comes over to me.
"I'll try Scully. No promises, but I'll try."
I smile and he wraps his arms around me.
"No more advance warning phone calls, then." he says.
I groan. "No, that's not it! I-"
His smirk stops me.
He's teasing me again.
I give him a look that says 'I'm not going to smile because it would
only say I approve.'
But I smile anyway and he pulls me into his arms again.
"It'll be okay Scully." he whispers.
I nod into his chest.
It won't be, I know.
But it's nice to imagine.
Just as the Apollo 11 crew did.
And maybe our dreams will come true, too.
end
adios
RocketMan
Respond now.
Pure Sweet Abandon
(1/1)Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: The characters belong to CC and 1013 and probably Fox, but
I'm in dispute about that.
Notes: I guess pleading does work. I got nine responses to the last
story, 'They're Green.' But, I had to choose only one person to dedicate
this to. Sorry all of you who didn't recieve that ultimate honor. Try
again.
Dedication: To Laura the Fox, who keeps telling me she's my biggest fan.
Pure Sweet Abandon (1/1)
I am sitting on a church pew with wine colored cushions, but I am out in
a meadow. The grass sparkles with summer morning dew and I see the
darker tracks of small animals that have traipsed across its length in
these early hours. There are huge, twisting oaks in the distance and I
am shaded by a gnarled sycamore that reminds me of the trees around
Mulder's family's house.
The light of summer is not quite so hot, and the breeze blowing over me
is pleasantly warm, with hints of clover and Queen Anne's lace.
I feel warm.
I look down in this ethreal dream and see my baby girl.
She is sleeping on my thighs, her head pillowed in my knees, and her
feet tucked into my belly. Her tiny head is turned so that her right
cheek is resting against my knee, and her fingers are curled with the
vestiges of dreams.
She is my warmth this day.
I caress her soft cheek with a finger and watch her move in an inherited
response, the fine lips moving to suckle.
The breeze blows over us again and she sighs deeply, snuggling against
my legs and opening her mouth.
Pure sweet abandon.
My pure sweet baby girl, sleeping as if there are no bad things in life,
as if guns and wars and governments did not exist.
I gaze at her with pride and my heart feels full; I cannot believe I
have this miracle.
My baby stirs and her blue eyes open to see me, and she smiles.
My smile couldn't be bigger.
She blinks sleepily and I smooth my finger over her stomach, easing her
into wakefulness.
She yawns and I can see her pink gums and her small baby tongue.
I move to nuzzle her belly and she curls around me, grabbing my cheek
with a soft tiny hand.
I laugh as she does and take her fingers around one of mine, playing
with her.
Suddenly a hand reaches over my shoulder and reverently runs a finger
down my baby girl's cheek, making her smile.
I twist in the chair and look up to see........................
.............to see Mulder smiling at me.
And fluorescent lights behind him, ugly grey green file cabinents and a
desk.
I look down to my lap and see a heavy book on bi-polar disorder that I'd
been reading for our next case.
I could cry.
"Scully? You were sleeping with such abandon......"
<Pure sweet abandon....>
".....I didn't want to wake you, but Skinner called for us."
I nod and try not to look at him.
"How soon?" I say roughly, my voice thick with loss.
"Um, a few minutes." he says.
"You go on, Mulder. I'm going to go to the bathroom."
He lets me go, though I can see he wants to know what I had been
dreaming of that made me so happy, then so sorrowful.
I walk into the bathroom and thankfully no one is there.
I cried with pure sweet abandon.
end
adios
RocketMan
Rage, Rage
(1/1)Data: Segunda-feira, 1 de Dezembro de 1997 22:01
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. They are the property
of CC, 1013, and Fox, all of whom I would like to kiss for the wonderful
season so far.
Notes: This is one of those 'Scully in the forest at night and thinking'
stories but I promise it's good.
SPOILER--DETOUR!!!!
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Rage, Rage
"Do not go gentle into that good night . . . Rage, rage against the
dying of the light."
--Dylan Thomas
I can't believe we're stuck out here in this ancient forest all alone,
with two of our party missing, probably dead, and those things with the
red eyes and shifting bodies are here with us.
What the hell were we thinking?
No, wait, Mulder never thinks about things like that.
So what was I thinking, letting him do this?
I can't believe him......
Oh, God, please don't let this be the death I beat death for......
Mulder is heavy and quite asleep and way too heavy for my legs to
support, and what was I thinking?
"I don't want to wrestle..."
Oh, those words from that mouth in that way . . . I could have slapped
him . . . or kissed him.
A noise.
What's that? Does it hunt in the dark? Will it hunt when it can't
determine the leader anymore? Or does it really care by this time?
I think there are two of them, to split us up like that . . . what was I
thinking? Letting it split us up, and as soon as I was alone I call for
Mulder . . . how stupid and infantile is that?
I'm shivering, cold at the top of my body and nice and hot where his
meets mine.
Nice and hot.
Jeremiah was a bull frog........ I need to think of something else
before I go completely crazy staring into the dark and waiting for red
eyes to leap out at me or even just waiting for Mulder . . .
How does that song go?
If I were the king of the world.
A bit of drum...
I tell you what I'd do..
I'd.....oh, crap, why'd I pick that song.....?
"Make sweet love to you."
It comes out in a whisper, but it holds such boundless truth that I
can't help but shiver again anf hope Mulder is truly asleep.
It's so dark . . . and cold. The trees are cold and menancing with their
twisting branches and stark shapes in the dark.
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
How true that is now. Did Thomas ever get stuck out in the woods with a
person he cared for more than life and a red eyed demon monster?
Marlow said the red eyed demon was action, bad action, but that it was
better than no action at all.
Are we being stupid to sit here and do nothing?
We are letting ourselves slip quietly into this not-so-'good' night.
"Rage, rage . . ."
Where is the rage needed to fight this off?
Mulder murmurs and shifts, making my legs twist under him and my stomach
twist as well.
The night is slipping by, the red eyed monster does not come for us
tonight.
I sigh.
Mulder shifts.
He's going to be all right.
"Rage, rage against the dying . . . and I'd make sweet love to you."
"Scully?"
My heart flips, twists and knots up into hard lumps.
"Go back to sleep Mulder."
"You stopped singing." he murmurs, still half asleep.
"Shh. Go back to sleep."
His eyes flutter, a sign that he's coming to consciousness.
"If I were the king of the world..."
He slips back.
Probably a defense mechanism, probably for the best.
"I'd make sweet love to you, singing, joy to the world . . ."
He's back asleep.
The night is dark and alone again.
I'm raging, though.
I'm raging.
end
adios
RM
Retreat
(1/1)Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. They are the property
of CC, 1013, and Fox, all of whom I'm loving at the moment after Redux.
SPOILER REDUX!!!!!
Retreat
I breathe in quickly, enjoying the sear of frozen air into my weak
lungs. This living.....I like it. I can do this again.
The leaves are the dead colors of approaching winter, but a few bright
golds and startling reds remain as testaments to my life. The cabin is
warm inside and I know I should be in it, letting myself heal
completely, but I can't go in yet.
I didn't think I'd ever see another fall, another winter, another bare
tree on the horizon mocking me for all its naked beauty.
I laugh out loud, thrilled with the freedom of remission, of the
cancer's retreat.
The cars are parked close together, evidence of Mulder's terrible
driving, and already there is frost on the windshield.
My mother's car is parked perfectly, straight and right, like everything
she has ever done in her life. The trees seem to melt into the darkening
sky and the birds are all flying, moving away.
If I hadn't felt so alive, I might feel very dead in this place.
Mom had wanted to take me away for awhile, to make sure I healed and was
all right mentally, spiritually.
So we took a little weekend retreat, getting out of the city and out of
its problems, and Mulder came along with us.
I made him.
But I could tell he wanted to anyway, he wanted to be with me.
I want to be with him.
After all, I have my life back. And I want to share it with everyone I
meet, everyone I love. I want to give my mother part of it, and my
brother, and Mulder, most of all, Mulder.
He has such honor, to do what he did even when I was telling him to
blame me. And I want to give some of that back to him, I suppose.
All I really know is, I can't rest without knowing he's here, safe and
sound.
I breathe in again and the breath stings my body as it shrills through,
spiking my insides with chill and winter. I see the last of the sunset
and feel even colder without its glancing touch.
But still I don't go back inside.
I want these few moments to soak in nature and this feeling of being
completely alive.
My eyes close.
Darkness and hints of color where the blood vessels are.
Sounds.
Honking geese overhead, rustling leaves that drift to the floor of the
forest.
Sensations.
The cold, numbing my toes, and making me fingers feel heavy. The wind
across my cheeks, biting and pinching to tell me I'm not dreaming.
A sudden warmth.
My eyes open slowly and find Mulder's.
He smiles and kisses my forhead.
"Cold?" he akss shivering even as he offers me his coat.
"Of course, but no thanks." I respond and let my eyes close again.
He nods and sits down on the steo beside me, rubbing his hands together.
I reach over and stop the noise; it's distracting me from the outside.
He stops but takes my hands and warms them between his own, pressing my
fingers into his jeans.
I feel everything.
I could be the earth, titling, swinging in space faster than a rocket.
I could be the bird, soaring, swooping along the river and over the tops
of trees.
"I feel it too." he says softly.
I look to him, my eyes opening.
"It's life. And I feel like I've gotten mine back too."
My now warm fingers curl around his own.
"Yeah, it's life. And it's the sweetest thing I've ever felt."
He kisses my forehead again and goes inside, leaving me to life.
end
adios
RM
Retreat 2 (1/1)
Author: RocketMan >[email protected]<
Dsiclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Fox, 1013, and CC. No
infringement is intended.
SPOILER FOR REDUX 1 AND 2
Retreat 2
My mother comes outside and pats my head on the way to her car. She
rummages around in the trunk and brings out treasure - vegetables and a
big cooler. I can imagine the home baked pies and apple sauce contained
in its depths. I'm sure Mudler is loving all the real food.
Mom comes back and as she traverses the steps she smiles at me with the
kind of look that says she can't believe I am still real and with her. I
think she was ready to let me die in that hospital. I had prepared her
for it.
She rubs my hair, tossing it away from my face and smiles.
"Come in soon, hon. It's cold out here." she says.
I nod and resume watching.
The birds are wheeling back and forth in the sky, going from one compass
point to another, as if their chosen leader can't read the innate map it
he contains.
I laugh at them and their foolishness and realize that to many people,
Mulder and I appear very much like confused birds.
But I don't want to think of Mulder or the things that have happened.
I want life rushing in my ears and filling my eyes with holiness and
harmony.
I want to have this weekend all for me.
So why can't I stop thinking about Mulder?
I jump up at the thought and start running out to the bare woods,
fleeing my conscience and escaping my sensible-ness.
I run to the oldest and weariest looking tree in the whole forest.
Of course, I would do that.
But as I look at its weeping branches and hanging limbs, I begin to
admire its endurance and courage. Even in the cold it is providing
refuge.
I feel drained from running and I sink against the tree, letting its
frozen bark snap me back into consciousness and its hard trunk support
my aching body.
When I feel I have sapped enough of the tree's strength into my own
cells, I stand up and start to scale its massice trunk, using lower
limbs for handholds until I'm up far enough to really climb.
My sensibility catches up at this point and I stop about midway up,
realizing the higher limbs won't hold me and that it'd do no good to die
now when I've just beaten death.
I gaze out at the abandoned forest, its loneliness striking me as odd
when I feel so protected and loved, so cared for and warmed.
Warmed. I think I just made that word up. But I do feel warmed. Like
others have lent me all their strength and I am glowing with heat under
their love.
Mulder has given me that. Mom has given me that. Bill has hurt me, and
hurt Mulder, but he too has given me that.
I am warmed.
"Jeez, Scully. Come down. You're making me nervous."
I look down and see Mulder's shivering form and his fearful eyes.
"Why?" I say peering straight into his eyes even though I am so far
away.
"Because it's time for dinner anyway. And you're making me very
anxious." he says, holding his arms up as if I am a little child who is
jumping to Daddy in the swimming pool.
"All right, Mulder, but you have to come up and get me."
I see his incredible astonishment. This isn't Scully he's seeing, this
is Dana. He never sees that part of me.
"Scullee....." he moans.
"Oh, afraid of heights?" I say in my most teasing voice possible.
"Scullee....that's not fair."
I laugh and watch as he tunrs away, starts walking back to the cabin.
"Hey where are you going?"
His shoulders shrug and he says something that I can't hear at this
distance.
I wait as he disappears.
And of course, resourceful and intelligent Mulder, comes back with a
ladder.
He leans it against the wide trunk and starts up.
I don't move, only laugh and shake my head at him.
He comes even with me and has a quirky, triumphant look on his face. He
holds out his hand as if ready to escort me to a palace ball and I bow
in the tree, holding on to one limb with my free hand.
"If you will," he says and kisses my hand.
I follow him back down the ladder and jump to the ground.
It smacks up hard into me, harder than I realized it would and my ankle
twists, causing me to stumble into him.
He grabs me, afraid for an instant that I am falling out of the tree.
I see the fear flicker away to be replaced by humor.
"Ah, I see why you were in the tree. It's safer for you up there than
down here, where you're so very clumsy."
I don't give him the satisfaction of a smile but only squeeze his
fingers and stick out my tongue.
He laughs and captures my face with a hand.
"Oh, what was that? Immature...."
I wrinkle my nose and he kisses it lightly.
His kisses are becoming very warm, a welcome addition to life.
Living.
Mulder is living by kissing me I suppose.
He lets my face go and takes my hand in his.
"Let's go eat," he says and heads back, leaving the ladder beside the
tree.
"Are you afraid of heights?"
He shakes his head. "No, I'm afraid of falling."
I smile and slide up next to him, absorbing his warmth.
"It's cold out here." I say and he squeezes my shoulders.
"No kidding."
I knock him off the path with my hip and stick out my tongue again.
He comes back to me and just as I think he will kiss me again, his body
nudges mine and I am off the path.
I do it back.
We end up shoving and pushing each other the whole way back, laughing
and acting like children.
Mom is waiting for us at the door a small frown on her face until she
sees us. Then she relents somewhat and shoes us inside.
As my mother takes things out of the oven and sets the table, Mulder
leans in close to me and out of the blue, kisses my lips.
I look at him in surprise, my lips burning where he touched them.
"Thanks Scully."
He needs no more words.
We sit at the table and while mom is saying grace, I look at him,
staring intently as if his closed eyes will tell me his secrets.
His eyes pop open and he gives me a smile.
Oh....I can feel it.
I can feel it.
Life.
end
adios
RM