'cigarettes'

my father burned us all. ash

fell from his hand onto our beds,

onto our tables and chairs.

ours was the roof the sirens

rushed to at night

mistaking the glow of his pain

for flame. nothing is burning here,

my father would laugh, ignoring

my charred pillow, ignoring his own

smoldering halls.'

--Lucille Clifton, "The Book Of Light"

Even in the lateness of his dream cycle, he could clearly hear her

voice: singing, singing, mixing life and love with hurt and pain: her

childish voice not knowing the real words, not caring for the real

words when he tried to tell her - when he tried to tell her the truth.

"Ring around the rosey, pocket full of posey.

Ashes, ashes, We all fall down!"

Her squeal reverberated as they toppled, as if falling was fun, even

though it wasn't at all when it was real.

"Fox?" she called out as he left in disgust.

"Stop it, Sam. I'm not playing with you if you can't play it right!"

"Play with me!"

He saw in his dream memory her body: whirling, moving

ungracefully past the stove, coming to make him play: catching,

catching, burning.

Smoke.

"Fox! Help me!"

Her "help me's" were all the same, same as the night she was

stolen, but this was not then. This was fire and deadly and hot and

raging.

Smoke was filling the air as storm clouds, ash raining down and

scalding them as he dragged her: ash falling down, their house

falling down, falling down around them.

"Come on, Sam! Stop clutching me; I can't see!"

Smoke and fear echoing through his lungs like poison, crushing

like a serpent's clutch, it rattled around until smoke overwhelmed

fear and all he could think was:

I don't want to die.

And then hands and staleness and air hitting his face and

caressing his bangs, lifting and teasing them into his eyes so he

could not see.

The breeze carried to him his mother's anxiousness and Sam's

wailing and all he knew was that everyone was safe, everyone was

safe.

The staleness brought him back, the reek of lingering smoke on the

jacket of the man holding him like a rag doll, and he lifted his

teared and reddened eyes to search the face above him.

He saw the man his father had spit on once, the man his mother

had beat on the chest, the man who had saved him and saved

Sam.

The grass felt cold to his hot cheek and he heard in the

background, the roaring of lions angered as his house fell around

them, lions growling and hissing with the flames, licking up his

house.

Sam threaded her fingers through his, unwilling to let go even for a

moment.

His eyes turned to the fire, to the man backlit by the light of the

fire, making him dark, so oily dark, and the man lit another

cigarette and smiled foully.

The smile was cold and chilling and not at all good feeling like the

grass had been, and Fox turned his eyes and rested them on

Samantha.

A puff of stale air came at him and the man tossed a lighter to the

grass beside him, beside Fox Mulder's trembling body.

The lighter flashed silver and shiny and then embedded itself in the

lawn.

And Fox Mulder knew, he knew with all his heart, that this was the

man of fire.

This was the man.

~~~~

In the motel room next to him in the battered town of Shrike,

Mississippi, Dana Scully roamed with an odd detached sort of look

that made her movements zombie-like.

She could hear him dreaming, tossing in the bed and even *crying

out* but she could do nothing for him; it was not her place, nor her

right.

Outside the relative safety of their motel, the rain slashed away all

silence and the thunder brought promises of her own coming

nightmares, of lightning pregnant clouds birthing a fear to rival

Mulder's.

She sighed and watched the rain smacking against the window like

a ghost's hand rapping against the ledge. She could clearly see in

her mind's eye the vision of Heathcliff, in "Wuthering Heights" a

sad and bitter old man, calling for Cathy to come in, come in, and

the desperate sob of the ghost as she begged with all her heart to

be returned home.

Thinking on this made her shiver and she pulled the blanket she

had stolen from the bed tighter around her shoulders.

She wondered what was out there tonight, begging to be let in.

Was it Mulder's demons?

Or hers?

~~~~

end part one

Title: Ashes, Ashes (2/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine <[email protected]>

RocketMan >[email protected]<

see part one for further

SPOILER FOR ALL OF FIFTH SEASON AND PREVIOUS

Ashes, Ashes

"I will bring fire to thee."

--Euripedes

She had been all too right and she wished she hadn't, now that it

was here.

The lightning appeared in her sleep and she cowered in the bed,

still deep within herself, frightened for no apparent reason.

The bright flashes had never been one of her childhood fears, as it

sometimes was with other children. But now, now, it was an

intense, hypnotizing, paralyzing fear that kept her from even

covering her eyes.

It was as if the lightning froze her to the very core and all she could

do was watch.

Ever since her abduction, it had been like that.

A bright flash and she would freeze and then memories she'd

rather not have came for her.

Memories were terrible things at night, in the brightness and the

howling of a storm.

She wished she had gone to Mulder and stayed with him through

his nightmares, because maybe she would not be having these

now.

They caught her though, and dragged her to the old familiarness of

bright lights: familiar, yes, comfortable, never.

She was still, still despite the straining and the fear clawing at her

to do *something,* no matter what, something.

She was crying, but there were no tears, only soft voices inside her

saying that everything was fine and peaceful, but Dana had never

allowed herself to be hypnotized, and it was hard for her to

succumb to the calming voice.

That was what had probably made it worse for her.

In sleep, knowing what was coming and dreading it, she tensed

and curled tightly up into the smallest amount space possible, as if

she could make herself invisible to them.

She turned as the first wave hit her, her face went deathly white as

the second roiled into her and then she heaved awake as the third

forced her mind away from memory.

Sweating and ready to be sick all over the clammy sheets, Dana

threw off her bedspread and staggered to the bathroom door.

She did not make it and instead collapsed on the dingy carpet, the

lightning flashing around her and her eyes closing in defeat.

~~~~

Awaking to find herself weak and crumpled on the floor, Scully tried

to recall what had pitched her there, but like all other times, all she

could remember was lightning, and she wondered why that should

frighten her so much.

She stood and rinsed her mouth out in the sink, spitting out the

vestiges of the nightmares and cleansing herself of the weakness.

Massaging cramps in her neck, Scully stepped into the shower and

heard from the other side, Mulder stepping into his own.

Her water ran cold before adjusting and she splashed it across

herself in an effort to keep the lingering fears away.

She hoped to scrub away the storm-fears with the soap and the

light.

And Mulder's case.

Shrike, Mississippi, port of call for aliens?

Or just wild rumors and frightened people?

~~~~

end part two

Title: Ashes, Ashes (3/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine <[email protected]>

RocketMan >[email protected]<

see part one for further

SPOILER FOR ALL OF FIFTH SEASON AND PREVIOUS

Ashes, Ashes

"Fear has many eyes and can see things underground."

-- Miguel de Cervantes

Mulder noticed the weather-stained brick as he and Scully pulled

up to the local police precinct. They both stepped out in tandem,

neither speaking a word.

They had both been unusually quiet that morning, but both were

recalling their nocturnal demons more than focusing their thoughts

on the case at hand.

Mulder unconsciously held the door open for Scully as they headed

in, and she offered a glance in his direction, but didn't emit a word.

As soon as they made it through the threshold, a large suited man

with rosy cheeks and a blazing red beard that matched his head of

hair descended upon them.

"You two must be those FBI agents," he said, offering a bit of a

Southern drawl.

Mulder offered his hand first. "Mulder... and this is my partner,

Dana Scully."

He nodded politely at both of them, offering up a hearty

handshake. "Jack McDonald. This has been a tough case for all

of us..." he began, leading them both into his office, and closing the

frosted door behind them.

"I can imagine," Mulder said, sitting down in one of the chairs

opposite the man's desk. Again, he quickly glanced over at Scully,

almost hoping she wouldn't notice.

Unfortunately, Scully caught his eye, and shot him an appropriate

look to go with the gesture. Mulder ducked his head slightly to

avoid looking embarrassed.

"Nine girls... abducted..." His mouth grew into a thin line. "Or so it

seems. They all came back, six months pregnant, and, uh--"

McDonald's voice trailed off as he shuffled through some papers

on his desk.

"Did you know any of them personally, um--" Mulder quickly

glanced at the name plate on his desk, "--Sheriff?"

"Yeah," he said, slowly raising his head until Mulder and him were

gazing eye to eye. There was a cool intensity in McDonald's eyes

that Mulder wasn't sure he would have ever wanted to cross. "One

of those girls was my daughter."

There was a long silence.

Mulder took that opportunity to turn to his partner again, suddenly

realizing that she hadn't said a word since they had entered the

station. His urge to ask "penny for your thoughts?" was incredibly

overwhelming, but Mulder had the sense of mind not to say a word.

He knew just looking at her would cause Scully to speak.

And true enough: "Mr. McDonald, what do you know about the

nine abductees and these supposed pregnancies?"

McDonald sighed, and lines that weren't visible a minute earlier

suddenly grew upon his face, causing him to age years in a matter

of seconds. "Agent Scully.." He paused. "That's what I was

hoping you might tell me."

Scully nodded, but didn't reply.

~~~

As they stepped outside the door, Scully's ice blue eyes cut into his

own vulnerable hazel ones, cutting wounds unimaginable.

Without even speaking a single word.

Mulder opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to the punch.

"Mulder..."

They both paused for a moment-- Mulder waiting to hear Scully's

words, and Scully realizing she hadn't yet articulated what she had

wanted to say to him. Finally, her thoughts organized themselves.

"You believe they were impregnated...?" Scully didn't even need to

finish the sentence; Mulder knew exactly what she meant.

That unspoken communication, Mulder thought ironically. He

forced himself to keep her at eye level. He knew what she was

thinking. "Scully, I don't know."

"But you think that they were impregnated, like me? Don't you?

That's what you think, isn't it?" Her voice raised a little bit, but not

enough to cause alarm. Yet.

"Scully... I don't know. We need to talk to the girls."

"Mulder..." she started.

"Scully," he cut in, reaching out, and grabbing her arm.

Pressure... on her arm...

"This won't hurt a bit."

Voices... where did they come from? The pictures were so fuzzy...

she felt the pain ...

Remembering nothing...

"Dana... it'll be all right."

Penny? She comforted her in the Place...

"It'll be fine.."

"Scully! Scully!"

Mulder was shaking her frantically, unsure of what was happening.

Was this another side-effect of the implant that they had re-

inserted in her neck?

He found himself overcome by panic as he continued to shake her

by the arms, repeating her name over and over again.

"Hmmm? What?" she asked as her eyes readjusted again.

Scully found herself staring into Mulder's bottomless green eyes.

She felt like she was looking right through him...

Shutting her eyes again, she shook her head, and forced herself to

refocus on her surroundings. As she opened them once more, she

found Mulder's hands still attached to her arms.

"Mulder..." she said.

"Scully, you just-- completely lost contact for a second there."

Scully looked at him, unsure of what to say. Mulder took the

opportunity to insert a joke. "I was wondering if I was going to have

to use 'E.T. phone home' on you, or something."

Scully did not find an ounce of humor in his statement, however.

"Mulder, I was here," she insisted.

"You were... but you weren't responding at all... I thought

something had happened to you-- I thought maybe it had

something to do with the ... the implant," he finished after a beat.

Scully eyed him for a moment, her lips pursed. Unconsciously, her

hand rose to the back of her neck, but as soon as she realized her

action, it dropped back down to her side.

"I'm fine, Mulder," she answered. It was almost a reflex now.

"Are you?" he asked, his eyebrows raised in irritating concern. At

least, it was irritating to Scully. She didn't want his worrying.

"Yes, I am," she replied curtly, and walked off to find the sheriff.

They needed to start interviewing those girls.

~~~~

end part three

Title: Ashes, Ashes (4/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine <[email protected]>

RocketMan >[email protected]<

see part one for further

SPOILER FOR ALL OF FIFTH SEASON AND PREVIOUS

Ashes, Ashes

"We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones."

-- Stephen King

The first house that they came to was an old Victorian mansion. It

reminded Scully of those old horror films ... probably the kind that

Mulder liked to watch all the time. She caught herself looking in

his direction as he pulled the car up to the curb, and she quickly

looked away.

She didn't even know why... her eyes were drawn to him... as if she

knew that he knew ... but knew what?

"I'm... Emily's mother..."

She couldn't be a mother...

How could she protect her?

Emily... was her daughter...

.. she was a mother...

Mother... mother...

The nonsensical phrases ran over and over in her head as Scully

sat, paralyzed in her seat. She didn't become conscious of her

surroundings again until Mulder leaned over and poked her arm,

causing her to jolt violently.

He jumped back, surprised by her reaction as she was to him

poking her.

"Mulder?" she asked, looking at him.

"Scully..." He frowned, wanting to tell her something, but knowing

that he couldn't. He held back. "We're at the Sheffer residence."

She blinked, and licked her bottom lip. "Yeah."

Tapping her jacket to make sure she had her pad, Scully stepped

out of the car. Mulder watched her closely until her gaze fell on

his, turning into a glare.

"What?"

"You know what," she said, her voice dangerously low.

"Scully, I'm worried about you," he said as they headed up the

walk. "When you blanked out like that... I mean... it scared me. I

didn't know what was happening."

Scully frowned. "Now you know how I felt," she muttered under her

breath as they reached the ornate porch.

Mulder touched the buzzer. "What?"

"Nothing."

~~~~

The kitchen was unusually bright... the sunlight streamed in

through the huge glass doors. The bright yellow and white curtains

only seemed to intensify the effect.

The juxtaposition of that with the general mood of the people in the

room was almost fascinating to a degree.

It made Scully want to run out of the room, laughing and crying in

the same moment. It was interesting how quickly the rain from the

night before had dried out under the hot Mississippi sun, she

thought. Another jarring contrast.

She forced herself to concentrate on their work. She worked for

the federal government, and despite her own personal demons,

Scully had to detach herself from that. She had a job to do.

"Jennifer, what happened to you five months ago? Do you

remember anything of the period where you were missing?"

The young woman gnawed on her lip for a moment. Her clean skin

and long brown hair shone brightly in the sunlight. Scully

swallowed, willing herself to not become distracted again.

Finally, Jennifer spoke. "There was ... I remember a light."

"Most abductees remember most presently a bright light," Mulder

said. "Did you see anything in the light?"

"It was hot... there was a hotness.... intense... it was..."

She paused, her breath breaking off and coming back in short

spurts.

"I remember... the heat... it was... it burned... bright.."

"Ashes, ashes, we all fall down..."

No! He didn't want to play...

He tried to tell her... the flames ... they were coming...

They descended slowly, crashing down.

"You're a little spy."

"No!" Mulder said suddenly, causing both Jennifer and Scully to

suddenly stare at him.

"Mulder, what's going on?" Scully asked him, searching for

answers in her expression.

"N-nothing..." he mumbled, pressing his mouth together. "I-- uh...

sorry... I thought you said something, uh..." He looked at the two of

them. "Do you, um, mind if I use your bathroom?" he asked

Jennifer suddenly.

"No, not at all," she said, pointing out the directions.

With that, Scully watched as Mulder practically bolted from the

room. She then looked at Jennifer.

"What were you saying... about the heat...?" She forced herself to

keep talking to Jennifer. If she worried about Mulder too much--

"It was..." she let out a breath, shaking her head. "I can't.."

"That's okay," Scully said, reaching out with her hand. "Would you

excuse me for a moment?"

Jennifer nodded.

Scully quickly strode off and down the hall where Jennifer had

directed Mulder to go. She encountered the bathroom, the door

shut.

She lightly knocked. "Mulder?"

"I'm fine, Scully..."

Ironic, she thought, knocking again. "Mulder," she said, this time

with more inflection. She wasn't going to let this go. If he was

going to be on her tail, she wasn't going to stay off of his.

"Scully, I said I'm fine--" he replied, irritably. "You won't even let a

man perform certain bodily functions?"

Scully's face froze up in embarrassment. It occurred to her that he

was probably just using an excuse to get rid of her, but even so...

"All right, sorry," she finally sighed, and headed back into the

kitchen.

When she got back in there, she encountered a male sitting down

next to Jennifer. Scully raised her eyebrows in question.

"Agent Scully..?" she said. "I'd like you to meet my fiance-- Dan."

~~~~

"So... how did you two meet?"

"Before .. uh..." Jennifer didn't even want to say the word anymore.

She was sick of it... sick of talking about it. But she knew it was

going to keep coming up again and again. It just didn't get any

better with each time she had to talk about it.

"How'd you meet?" Scully asked softly.

Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, Mulder headed back

into the room, looking no less fresh than a flower. Scully wondered

what was going on with him... but there was a time and a place for

that. And this wasn't it.

Mulder shot Scully a look of confusion after glancing over at Dan,

but kept the question from leaving his mouth.

Jennifer picked up before Scully could say anything. "Agent

Mulder, this is my fiance, Dan. I was just telling Agent Scully how I

met him... uh... it was actually," she grinned self-consciously, "we

met at a town social-- I help out with the mayor's office, and what-

not, and Dan's father serves on the city council... and we just..."

She shook her head, and glanced over at Dan with a grin.

"... hit it off," he finished, smiling back at her with a full set of

perfect teeth.

It was so cute.. that picturesque love story that Scully had always

wanted in some sense, but at the same time, vowed that she would

never become. She had a career, and a life, and...

"I have thought about this a lot."

Emily was her child...

She could be a mother. She wanted to be one.

She was thirty-three years old, damn it...!

"I have thought about this.."

"I have thought about this.."

"... remember from that night?"

Scully caught the tail end of what Mulder was saying.

"Not very much." Jennifer sniffed, holding back tears.

Scully watched as Dan's arm came around her shoulder.

"We were... we were all..." she laughed slightly. "We were all

pretty smashed, you know... I mean, already, we couldn't

remember anything, but, you know how that is--"

Scully nodded to further the story.

"And, uh... we were hanging out, and all I remember is...

suddenly... just... everythin' went dark... and then bright... and

then... the heat... and ... it all.."

She lost it at that moment, all her words breaking into wrenching

sobs. Her fiance pulled her close, holding her and rocking her as

Mulder and Scully exchanged a glance. They both knew what the

other's immediate thought was.

What they couldn't guess was that which was lurking just beneath

the exterior... the waking nightmares which threatened to surface

again. Seeing their partner caused both of them to stay in check.

Mulder was the first to speak.

"I'm ... sorry, Jennifer. Sorry about what happened." The words

sounded incredibly thin mixed up in the thick atmosphere of the

room. And the bright sunlight only managed to make the moment

even more absurd.

She didn't reply; still wrapped up in anguish. Dan merely nodded

for her, and stood up, bringing Jennifer up with him.

Mulder and Scully took that as their cue. "Uh... we're probably

going to need some more information later on," Scully said. "But...

um... we want Jennifer to come to us when she's ready again.

Okay?" Scully's tone was soft.

"Yeah," Jennifer coughed out, moving her face to look at the two

FBI agents. "I will. I promise."

"Okay," Scully said.

~~~~

end part four

Title: Ashes, Ashes (5/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine <[email protected]>

RocketMan >[email protected]<

see part one for further

SPOILER FOR ALL OF FIFTH SEASON AND PREVIOUS

Ashes, Ashes

"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three 'o clock in the

morning."

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

The chips tasted strangely sour in her mouth. Mulder had insisted

on eating... probably to ease his mind off the case for the moment.

There was nothing like a little bit of food in one's stomach to ease

the mind, Scully thought.

It was like Virginia Woolf had said, something to the effect of: "One

cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."

But as much as she wanted to enjoy the club sandwich that was

sitting before her, she simply couldn't cause herself to work up an

appetite on it.

Scully also knew, however, that she would never hear the end of it

if she didn't eat what was sitting before her.

Mulder would have immediately noticed.

Even though she wasn't hungry whatsoever, Scully shoved the

sandwich in her mouth, pushing herself to bite into it and chew

without wanting to gag.

She found that the more that she ate, the hungrier that she

became, thankfully.

And it also occupied her enough to keep from having to make

conversation.

Scully had the feeling that Mulder was thinking the same thing.

~~~~

Mulder couldn't get his mind off the young man whom Jennifer had

been with. Her "fiance," she had said. He wondered how long

before the abduction itself they had met... and there was that five

months...? Had he been abducted as well? The Sheriff hadn't

mentioned anything about him, Mulder thought.

And what about the others?

Something about the entire thing bothered him, but he couldn't put

his finger on it whatsoever.

The heat...

The intense heat....

What was that? And why did it always cause him to remember...?

Smoke... flames...

The voice: "You're a little spy."

It kept repeating.. repeating...

"No," he said aloud.

Mulder didn't even realize he had spoken aloud until Scully said,

"No, what, Mulder?"

"Oh, I was, uh..." He searched his mind rapidly for a reason. "I

was thinking aloud. About... this ... just.."

Scully furrowed a brow. "What?"

"Never mind."

She frowned. This was getting ridiculous. This lack of

communication was insane. As much as she didn't want to talk

about it, they couldn't spend this entire case not speaking to one

another. They had to at least discussion this investigation.

"What do you think about Jennifer?"

"What do you mean, 'what do I think?'"

"I mean, do you think she was abducted?"

"It's possible. I don't know."

"Mulder.. it's just... I keep going over it in my mind, and I can't get

the idea of the fact that there was alcohol involved.... you heard

what she said; she couldn't remember much--"

"Yes, but she was gone for five months."

"But I wonder... I mean, there was this Dan guy involved... isn't it

possible that she could have run off for five months?"

"But what about the nine other people? Including the Sheriff's

daughter?"

Scully didn't have an answer for that.

"I know what your point is, Scully..."

"I'm just saying," Scully broke in, "that it's possible that she could

have gotten pregnant by normal means." Even as she said it, she

wondered if she believed it, though.

"I'm... Emily's mother..."

"I'm... Emily's mother..."

Scully shut her eyes for the moment, forcing the images out of her

mind. Mulder saved her from her thoughts.

"I believe that's how it happened," Mulder said, surprising Scully.

"What?"

"Sure... she has sex with the fiance-- not all that strange. I don't

know, Scully..." He glanced over at her, a playful gleam in his eye.

"Maybe =you're= saving yourself?"

She didn't even grace that statement with a reply, but instead said:

"You think that all nine women became pregnant by normal means,

though?"

"I don't know," Mulder said. "We still have eight more to interview,

and half a day left. Don't you think we should be getting going?"

Scully threw her hands up, pushing her plate aside.

"I'm all yours."

He glanced at the half-eaten sandwich, and then over at his

partner. "I meant... after we were done, of course."

"We're done," she answered, flagging down their waitress.

"Check, please."

~~~~

Title: Ashes, Ashes (6/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: see part one

Ashes, Ashes

"To die, to sleep,-

To sleep-perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come. . ."

--William Shakespeare, "Hamlet" Act III Scene i

Scully pushed away the dreams and tried to focus on the interview,

still not very sure about what she herself believed to be going on

with these nine abducted women.

Caroline Adams sat with her back stiff and sore, despite the

showing of the life, whatever it might be, within her. Her husband

as of three days sat uncomfortably beside her, his arm tightly

around her. Occasionally she would turn to him and mouth his

name in protest. Scully heard these soft "Robert's" and wondered

what was going on. Maybe Caroline was a very independent

women and felt she did not need Robert to constantly hover over

her... or it could possibly be anything... She shook off her curiosity,

merely noting the observation in the back of her head.

"Can you remember anything else?" Mulder asked, his eyes roving

the girl's face for some sign of hesitancy that he could pounce on.

"Well . . . I'm sure I remember more than the others. I mean, I

stayed and made sure they were all right, you know?"

"Did they need you to make sure they were okay?"

"Well," Caroline twisted and looked to Robert with a sudden flash

of fear. Robert's eyes drilled into her, easily saying she did not

have to answer if she was uncomfortable.

"Well-- yes. The others were really drunk. I was the designated

driver that night. I didn't want to be, really, but I don't drink as much

as they do, and I don't get into it as much. I never really have. I

don't know why: I guess it's because it all tastes bad to me. Burns,

you know?"

Fire and lions roaring in the back, licking his house in flames.....

"Mr. Mulder?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm listening, go ahead," he murmured.

Caroline gave him a funny look and sighed.

"Well, I wasn't smashed and so I remember more. I saw what it

was, the light, huge and bright and it was really . . . really . . ."

Her voice faltered and she turned in pain to Robert, who touched

her cheek with the most tender glance of the fingers Scully had

ever seen.

"It was beautiful." Caroline said softly.

Mulder blinked once.

Blinked again.

"Beautiful?" he repeated.

Caroline's face was ashamed and she shook her head. "It was. I

know it's horrible. I was raped; I mean..." Her voice shook and

came out in whispery gasps that barely made it to his ears.

"I was raped, but it was wonderful."

Mulder didn't react, but felt his insides go cold at her words. 'It was

wonderful'... he found himself thinking about Scully. It couldn't

have been... wonderful... for her... Mulder frowned unconsciously,

stealing a look in her direction.

Her face was barren; it spoke nothing to him. Mulder wanted

Scully to leave, he didn't want her to hear this... but she sat, still,

seemingly unaffected by Caroline's words. Still, Mulder knew.

Storms brewed beneath those cool blue eyes. He forced himself to

pay attention again.

Caroline shuddered and then stood, her back to the window. "I

don't think you should go to the others, Mr. Mulder. It isn't a good

idea."

"Why?"

"Because they don't remember it. And I'd rather keep it that way,."

she said ominously, eyeing the FBI agents for another moment

before then turning her back on them, her eyes searching for

security in the winter-hazed sun of the Mississippi sky.

"What would be so wrong about remembering?" Scully said softly,

her voice also trembling... Mulder glanced over at her quickly, his

own stomach churning violently.

Caroline turned and her bright blue eyes pierced Scully's own.

"I think you know why," she said.

~~~~

"I'm her mother..."

"I'm her mother..."

No, no! she repeated in her mind. Not her mother... She could not

be a mother, not now... not with her baby gone. She was only a

woman scarred, a woman plagued by bright flashes and broken

memories that meant everything and nothing all at the same time...

But she wasn't... she was not--

"Scully!"

She jerked from the fugue to catch Mulder's fright, and shook her

head. "I'm fine Mulder. I was just... thinking."

"Hell, no, Scully. I *shook* you and you wouldn't come out of it...

I-- I think there's something really wrong--"

"Mulder." Her voice was the same normal tone, but the inflection

made him want to wince.

"Scully. I'm not going to let you do this--"

"Mulder, you have no say over what I do. Understand?"

Her eyes were icier than Caroline's had been when she'd spoken

of the others and keeping them in the dark. But it wasn't the eyes

that scared Mulder as much as her lowered voice. It was all in the

tone she used.

"Okay," he finally said, nodding, and backed off to give her some

space. There was a short pause, and then Mulder said: "But tell

me one thing."

She only stared at him, her eyes willing him not to ask the question

she knew was coming.

"Why does Caroline seem to know what happened to you, and why

does she think you have memories about it?"

Scully sighed, her shoulders slumping so that it seemed to Mulder

that she had shrunk a full three inches, making her seem even

smaller, more fragile than before.

"I don't know, Mulder. I don't know. All I know is that this place is

bringing back things I don't want to remember and ... so, I perfectly

understand why she would say that."

"Yes, it is, Scully... and you know it is..." His eyes were upon her,

burning into her skin. She could almost read the thoughts coming

out of his head. Scully kept herself from revealing the frown that

wanted to surface upon her face.

Were they actually talking about this, she wondered? About this

tenseness that had between them ever since Emily?

Her eyes turned to him as if to say, 'I told you, now you tell me,' but

Mulder didn't seem to be making the connection. What about

these flashbacks that Mulder was having? He needed to tell her...

"Mulder," she said softly, something in her voice adding a plea to

the end of his name, as if she badly wished they were facing this

great evil together. "Mulder, do you feel like me? Are you afraid to

sleep at night?"

Her voice wrenched from her throat and she moved to the motel

bed, away from the door that he could possibly walk out in lieu of

her very revealing question.

There was a long pause that lingered in the air for what seemed

like several minutes, even though it was only a few seconds.

His eyes seemed to shrivel and he shuddered, almost

imperceptibly. But Scully noticed.

"It's almost as if--" he began, "there's something about this place

that causes all the things I thought I'd forgotten to resurface."

She nodded, pleading silently for him to continue. She'd told the

social worker she had cut herself off from emotional attachment:

it'd been too long for her to open up to anyone without them first

opening.

"There was a fire in our first house one summer. It was hot and

Sam was pretty clumsy and she knocked over a pan and it caught

in the gas and... everything kind of exploded. And suddenly, there

were flames and smoke, and... I couldn't get out, couldn't even see

Sam to get her out."

He shuddered again, his face wrenching with emotion. She wanted

to touch him, to pull his mind from it, but she also needed his

confession, she needed his openness.... she needed him to

continue.

"I think . . . I think that Cancer Man pulled us out, Scully," he said

softly as if that made no sense to him at all.

She did not question, did not analyze, and he was grateful. All he

wanted was to get it off his chest, to clear away the incredible

haze, the ashes falling around him from that one event. Mulder

continued on.

"I saw him as he laid me on the grass and all I could think was that

somehow... he had set the fire. Something in me told me that he

was evil and-- ever since then, fire has made me panic."

She nodded, thinking back on the case Phoebe Green had needed

their assistance on.

. . . Fire. . .

She shivered and looked up at him.

He seemed to be much better, untroubled, calm, now that he had

aired his problem. "I've been having nightmares that are more like

waking dreams."

"About that? The fire and Cancer Man?"

"Yeah. Stupid for it to come now...."

She shook her head. "No, Mulder." She let out a breath, looked up

at him. "Do you... remember what you told me once, Mulder? That

dreams were answers to questions we don't know yet how to ask?"

He squinted at her as the sun started setting, glaring in at the

window and he felt the lions roaring for him, the flames stretching

out their claws for him.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah, answers..." he said distantly.

"So, maybe this dream is your unconscious telling you something

about this case."

His head jerked up to see her and she saw raw fear swirling in their

depths.

"Mulder?" she said softly, tentatively, feeling for the first time that

day, very afraid for him. "Mulder!"

His head snapped away and his eyes squeezed shut. " It's back,

Scully," he said hoarsely. "Things I saw.....the things I've seen...."

"Mulder, you're scaring me," she said softly, hoping to bring him

around with that. "Come on, Mulder. Snap out of it."

"No. No. No. I need it. It'll tell me something, like you said. Tell

me something..."

"Mulder, stop it!" she said, standing and starting for him.

As her form rose, her body blocked the light streaming in harshly

Her slight figure started to bring back other things...

Aliens in the light and Sam in the light ...

CancerMan backlit by the light ...

<Walk in the light, as he is in the light.....>

"Mulder!"

She soon came close enough to completely shadow him and his

eyes focused back on her face, her pale, fearful face.

He sighed. "I almost had it, Scully. The light-- the heat they talked

of."

She started. "Mulder, they weren't *burned.* There would have

been definite evidence of that. Each of the victims was given a

physical exam.. there were no burn marks... nothing like--"

He shook his head, interrupting her. "No, no-- that's not what's

important about the memory. It's Cancer Man . . . . and wait, your

memories... Scully... "

She turned away suddenly, unable to look at him. "Mulder, I can't.

I can't-- can't do that now."

"Scully..." He seemed hurt and upset by her denial.

She shook her head. "Not.... no. I mean, it won't come now,

Mulder. Later, when it does, I'll tell you. I'll go to you and tell you

everything. I promise."

He studied her with guarded eyes.

"Mulder." She begged with her expression. "Mulder, I need to

figure it out first."

He nodded.

But in the distance, off in his head, lions roared.

"I think we need to visit Caroline Adams again, as soon as

possible."

Scully seemed relieved that he had changed the subject, when in

truth, he really hadn't.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because she knows more, and I need to know what she knows ...

since you can't seem to tell me."

Mulder saw by her face that he had hurt her with those words, but

he didn't want to care. He needed to know... and she had hurt

=him= as well by turning away when he had finally opened to her.

"Mulder," she said softly, "I *will* tell you. As soon as ... as soon as

I can figure out =why= this is happening."

"Scully, you'll never find out why it's happening.... you can't explain

why memories come back when they do-- the brain's defense

mechanisms just..." His voice trailed off as he saw her turning

away again. Mulder reached out and touched her arm, causing her

gaze to return, her eyes locking upon his. "Scully," he said, "This

whole thing... these memories... they just are. You just need to go

with it."

She stared back up at him and her eyes reflected his own personal

hell: fire and brimstone, damning him to eternal torture.

He covered her hand with his own, tracing the lines of her knuckles

with his pinky finger, trying not to see her soul, stark naked before

him within her burning eyes.

Finally, slowly, he nodded. "Scully," he whispered, barely above

his breath. "When you want to ... when-- it's right. I'm ... here. I

promise."

It seemed to be more than a promise; more than an ear and a mind

there for her when she needed to tell her dream.

More like a man, ready to accept her as a woman.

First, though, she needed to accept it herself.

<I'm Emily's mother...>

end part six.

Title: Ashes, Ashes (7/12)

Author: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: See Part one

SPOLIER FOR PREVIOUS AND PRESENT SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"The truth is the light and light is the truth."

--Ralph Ellison, "The Invisible Man"

They had decided to split up and work the town, each going to

local places that were frequented often to illicit information about

the girls. Scully, after going to four places and hearing that a man

had been there before her, grew angry with Mulder for not sticking

to their plan and going on ahead and working her territory as well.

But she dutifully asked pertinent questions, raising local gossip

along the way, then left to allow the townsfolk a chance to whisper

among themselves their own personal version of what might have

happened to the nine girls that night.

Scully met Mulder at the same diner again, right in the middle of

town, for breakfast. She was somewhat miffed at him, but eager to

share the news she'd discovered.

It would change things quite a bit.

"Hey, get anything?" he asked, setting down before her a bowl of

fresh fruit and a blueberry muffin as she sat down. "I ordered for

you."

She nodded her thanks and speared a strawberry to keep her

temper in check. Finally, she had to say something.

"Mulder, why did you do the ones I was supposed to cover?"

He frowned and slurped at the glass of milk he had ordered.

"What are you talking about, Scully?"

"I mean, when I went to the barber shop just down Lennox, they

told me you had already been there."

"But I didn't have Lennox," he said dumbly.

Her mind caught on faster than his. "What? You didn't do any of

Lennox?"

"No, remember, I told you this morning to do it because it was--"

He stopped and eyed her, his face suddenly dawning while the

confusion melted away under the rays of understanding.

"Someone else has been asking questions," he said. "Did the

people say it had been me, or just another man?"

"Another man. They said he was a stranger so I assumed you,

but..."

"No, no. I haven't-- Scully, someone else *is* looking after this,

too."

"Well, that sort of ties right into what I found out this afternoon,"

she replied, raising an eyebrow at him.

After the morning interview with Caroline Adams, Scully had a bit of

trouble collecting herself, but when she'd heard this most recent

piece of information, her mind had focused immediately.

"What did you find?" he said, his eyebrows teasing her with the

seriousness of what she said and the lightness of what he felt.

Scully lowered her voice, and leaned across the table.

"Apparently, Mulder, there's a top-secret government-operated

laboratory back through the Jefferson Woods. No one is supposed

to know about it, but everyone here does. A lot of people have

been speculating on what it is, but everyone agrees that they've

tested on animals... and maybe humans." She paused

significantly, and added, "I think there might be something there

worth looking at."

"Agent Scully... I like the way you talk. And I think I'm in the mood

for some funky kind of poaching, how about you?"

Scully grinned at him, a rare sight. "You up for a nice trip to the

forest, Mulder?"

Mulder paused, trying to think of a good line to follow that. "Just as

long as there's a low chance that we're going to run into any

prehistoric moth men," he finally quipped.

"Oh, don't worry, Mulder. We're bringing =matches= this time."

"And sleeping bags?"

His eyes taunted her and she turned her face back to the fruit that

was slowing diminishing. "So, what did you learn?" she asked,

changing the subject.

He paused a moment to bring everything back into the forefront of

his mind, pushing back the image of her lips sliding over the

canteloupe she was eating.

"Well, first, and this is really the most interesting--"

"Uh-oh," she interrupted, causing Mulder to barely look up at her.

He continued on as if she hadn't said a thing.

"Those girls were out that night, celebrating their high school

graduation with some guys when they were abducted--"

"Kidnapped..."

"Po-tay-to, Poh-tah-to..." Mulder's eyes flashed ruefully at her.

"Anyway, Scully.. so were those young men."

"Wait-- hmmm?" She had lost him after the potato thing.

"The guys they were with, Scully-- they were abducted as well -- for

about two days. Then, later, all nine of them were discovered

together, walking in the road, completely dumbstruck. They were

interrogated and thought to have killed the girls, but that blew over

for lack of evidence and such. Then---" Mulder's gaze grew even

more intense upon hers, and she knew this was something he

wanted her to pay attention to, "-- when the girls were returned,

each one of the guys went to a girl's hospital room and *stood

guard* the entire time they recovered."

"That's what I'd call devotion," Scully said.

"No, that's just crazy," Mulder said. He paused. "I'd do that for

you, but you're my partner. A few of these young men-- they

*hated* the girl they stood guard over. Hated, Scully."

Her mind had blanked with the 'I'd do that for you' and only on the

last few words had it come back to her. "So, you mean, these guys

kind of... " The words rolled over her lips skeptically. " ... paired

up with a girl?"

"Yeah, in a way," Mulder said. "Hadn't thought of it like that. Like

partners, I suppose. I heard from a neighbor of Collin James that

he was sort of a loner in the group. And he also was ready to get

out of town, marry a big city girl, have a career, not a family. Now

he's waiting hand and foot on a girl named Lisa Altrock who this

neighbor swore he absolutely hated before then. Was always

ranting and raving about how shallow she was. I mean, Jesus,

Scully-- now they're engaged. What is that?"

Scully sighed. "People change their minds all the time, Mulder.

Maybe everyone got closer because of what they experienced,

and--"

"No. Not like this..."

"Mulder--"

"No, Scully. Every one of those guys who were taken that night is

now engaged or married to one of the girls also taken."

Scully closed her mouth. What =was= going on? For a second,

her mind deviated: maybe she could somehow get that magic

powder for Mulder, make him *stay* for once.....

She shook the thought off and changed subjects in her head.

"So, Mulder, what happens now?"

"Now? I think we need to talk to Caroline again and then -- that

woods adventure is looking kind of tempting from here."

His eyes were focused solely on her.

She almost blushed, but simply turned her head and looked at the

empty bowl.

Her muffin sat untouched.

"You gonna eat that muffin, Scully?"

She shook her head and slid the plate over to him. "Go ahead."

He smiled seductively at her and then grabbed the fork. She

watched in amazement as Fox Mulder proceeded to =cut up= his

muffin before eating it.

"Mulder? Prim and proper?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't mess with a man when he's eating his food, G-woman.

Didn't they teach you that in the Academy?"

"Actually, my mother taught me that."

His eyes jumped up to look at her, surprised she was returning the

banter.

She had been out of sorts lately and he had tried to give her space,

but that had only made it even worse. Mulder was sure that he was

going to get hell for messing with her now, but she almost seemed

to be enjoying it.

He shrugged.

Dana Scully, the mother of all puzzles.

~~~~

"We need your help again, Caroline," Scully said softly, conducting

the interview while Robert and Mulder were having an informal

staring contest. Somehow, though, Scully knew it was more than

just that. She focused her concentration about getting the

questions out to Caroline. She had to do this.

"I'll try, Miss Scully," Caroline said.

"Okay, can you try to tell us again, what happened that night?"

"Up to a point, maybe." she said, taking in a deep breaths and

nodding.

"Where were you, for starters?" Scully said, still talking to her as if

she were fragile glass ornament that would break at any moment.

"In Jefferson Woods, the south end. It's where we always went to

drink-- you know, have fun, what-not. Well, um," she swallowed. "I

guess... then we kind of went off into little groups, but Jennifer

Sheffer and I stayed together by the car. She was throwing up and

I remember holding her head."

Caroline paused as if done with the story. She looked to Robert

who continued to still stare coldly at Mulder. Taking Robert's hand,

she continued on.

"I remember flashes-- and .. a sort-of strobe light, so that it seemed

like it was all in very slow motion, almost." Her face took on a

dreamy, almost-catatonic look that she had seen on Mulder when

he'd been recalling the house fire. "Then something was in my

head, in me, and it was... it was....oh, Gooddd, it was ... wonderful.

I can't-- I hate that--- that I loved it, but I did, and it was...."

Her voice let off into a shudder, and she sighed, a low noise that

surrendered her soul up to the air, it almost seemed.

Scully looked to Robert, who seemed to have taken no notice that

his wife was effectively saying that a =light= had done better for

her than he seemed to have.

Scully had heard enough. They hadn't gotten anywhere, and her

husband practically seemed a mannequin, save for the fact that he

had been blinking and lowering his eyes at Mulder even more so

with every minute that had passed. She wanted nothing more than

to leave...

"Okay," she said, standing up. "Thank you for all your help,

Caroline." She reached across the table and touched her other

hand that sat upon the surface. Scully subconsciously noticed as

the girl jerked slightly at the foreign contact. She cleared her

throat, signalling Mulder to stand. "We may need to, uh, talk to

you again, if you can."

Caroline nodded, and the two agents headed out the door. As they

reached the front walkway, Scully shot Mulder a look. She had

figured something else out that she hadn't yet said aloud.

After they got back in the rental Ford and strapped on their seat

belts, Scully spoke up.

"Mulder, she knows exactly what happened, but she's not telling us

anything at all."

He nodded. "I know. And so does Robert. I know he does. But

what are they hiding?"

"I think, Mulder, that we need -- more than ever-- to check out that

lab. It's the key to this. I can feel it."

"Ooh, Scully... Relying on gut feelings, are we?"

"Start driving, Mulder."

"Scully," he said with feigned horror. "You wound me."

"You just wait, Agent Mulder."

His little grin sparked on his face and she wanted to suddenly

laugh at how great things seemed to be between them now.

"I'll be awaiting anxiously, Dr. Scully," he replied.

end part seven

Title: Ashes, Ashes (8/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: See part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

". . . fire consumes the forest . . . flame sets the mountains

ablaze . . ."

--Psalm 83:14

Driving up to the lab seemed the best way to get there-- or at least,

driving as far as they get before the road officially ended. The

locals had pointed out the road they saw government cars drive by

on; the same road Army convoys sometimes lumbered on through,

waking up the entire town in the early morning darkness.

Scully had wondered if they should wait, but as the darkness was

starting to fall, and the sun getting ready to set, Mulder told her it

would be an ideal time to snoop around.

Scully hadn't actually been planning much snooping around

without an invitation.

But she reluctantly changed into jeans and a dark fitted shirt,

pulling on her hiking boots and then a warm jacket. It got very cold

in the Southern winter nights, and she wasn't going unprepared

this time.

Mulder tapped on her door a couple seconds before letting himself

in. Actually, Scully was becoming slightly annoyed that he was

getting more bold with her than before: like ordering her breakfast

and now, walking in her room without her even saying anything.

She wondered what he would have done if she'd been in the midst

of undress. Scully shook her head, supposing that wasn't

something she wanted to consider at that particular moment.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, I have matches, even," she said, pulling the motel set out of

her pocket.

He laughed. "And, actually, I really do have a sleeping bag in my

car."

Scully resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and stuffed a couple more

books of the hotel matches in her pocket. "All right, then. I'm

ready, Mulder. Lead the way."

~~~~

Mulder instinctively knew this was turning out into a bad idea as

soon as he caught sight of a car in his rearview mirror-- faint and

indistinct, tailing them.

Scully was asleep in the seat next to him, her head resting against

her jacket and her hair falling across her face. He had thought

earlier that she looked exhausted and now, she was out for good.

He was glad she was getting some sleep. She wasn't used to

nightmares as he was: Mulder had long since gotten used to

operating without a good night's sleep.

The car grew closer, and he grew a little more concerned. What if

it was one of the government people who had been asking

questions before? They were sure to be found, if anywhere, along

this road. Mulder then knew that the employees at the lab would

be prepared for them and they'd end up with nothing.

He was tempted to wake Scully, but recognized her need for sleep,

and overruled any urgency right then.

He glanced back and almost jerked the wheel off the road as he

saw the grey car almost riding his bumper.

Just seconds ago it had been quite a few yards away.

Suddenly, he felt the slight nudging as the car pushed into his

sturdy rental. In a flash he calmly turned the wheel and slid away

from the car.

He felt like one of the Hardy Boys for some stupid reason at that

moment: it had always seemed like they were constantly getting

run off the road by some unidentifiable man in a black cap. Story

of my life, Mulder thought ironically, trying to keep his eyes focused

and his brain working out a defense.

He felt the nudge again, but before he could get away, it turned

into a violent shove.

The car surged and he twisted the wheel, a panicked look flung to

Scully, and then they were off the road--

.. grass shooting past --

.. bumping ...

Scully's startled shout --

his knees jammed into...

... darkness.

~~~~

The car was twisted horribly, and she lay in the front seat

unmoving and stiff, fearful to shift around because of the incredible

pain throbbing in her head.

The darkness was absolute now, coming down like rain and

washing away all rationality. She was stuck: all she could do was

wait for Mulder--

Mulder! she thought suddenly, her head jerking. She felt a pain

against the top of her forehead-- she was unable to place it-- it

hurt...

Instead of trying to move again, Scully's eyes strained in the

looming dark, for once understanding the meaning of atmospheric

pressure, searching for Mulder's breath which she heard exploding

out of him.

"Mulder?" she said weakly, her voice constricting in pain and fear.

She was cold and numb and her fingers were stuck under the

dashboard, her toes were tingling with lack of blood.

"Mulder?"

Nothing came to her: no sound of him, no breath of him, no

essence of him. She wished the shock would overtake her, let her

sleep.

She wanted to slip away into the nothingness opening up in her...

~~~~

He looked up and saw green, dark ... and images of the hulking

tree flashed before him just as his life had when the car had raced

for the grass.

All he saw now was this green -- and the red splotches before his

vision.

He had woken to something: moans assailed his ears before he

realized they were his own.

He let out another to show the world how much he really hurt.

He yanked the keys from the steering column and jabbed at the

airbag with the pointy ends, using his office key because it had

always managed to prick him in his pocket. Incredible, the

annoying things you someday found a use for, he thought

strangely. Mulder was actually surprised at how lucid he was,

considering the ache that seemed to be penetrating every cell of

his being.

When the bag deflated he caught sight of Scully.

His breath caught along with it.

Oh...God, he thought... please, no...

Her body lay warped into the metal of the door, the dash hitting her

in the chest and pinning her to the twisted seat. She was crushed

against the airbag and he anxiously ripped it, frightened it was

suffocating her.

It deflated and he wiped away the blood trickling down into his

eyes.

He saw her face and at that instant:

Rome fell

worlds collided

... his life burned.

Bruised and swollen and bloodied, her once beautiful pale skin

was like the photos found in his case files of the victims of rape

and abuse.

His heart crashed against his chest and he reached out to touch

her.

The tears spilled and mixed with the blood covering his face and

he tried to wake her, gently touching her and calling her back to

him.

For long agonizing minutes, she did not respond. And in that time

he swore viciously to kill whoever had been in that car. She wasn't

dead... she was okay... he checked her pulse again... slow, but

strong...

Then her eyes flickered slowly, and rolled beneath her lids. Mulder

took her hand gently, still pressed by her side and called her name.

Finally her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him with those

strobe-light blue eyes, trying to smile.

It came out as a whimper instead.

It killed him to hear that pitiful sound come from his strong partner.

"Scully?" he whispered, a grin spreading across his face despite

himself. He was overjoyed she was awake.

Her lips moved and finally words came.

"Rejoicing in my suffering?" she managed to croak out, her lips

cracking into a half-smile that barely made it.

He shook his head, hating the humor, loving that she was still

there.

He tried to speak, but couldn't. All his stunned body would allow

was for him to stroke her blood-matted hair from her face.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice almost too low for him to hear.

"Scully . . . you're mangled," were the words that ripped from inside

of him.

She grunted and turned her face to look outside. "I'm okay. Just,

just have to get out of here. See if you can open this door,

Mulder."

He moved from her and slithered out of the car and over to her

side. He pulled on the door handle and the entire frame sort of

collapsed around him.

"Easy enough," he said weakly.

She nodded and he could see the pain in her face by the light of

the door-ajar reminder.

Her legs were twisted under her almost and the dash securely fixed

in her lap.

"Mulder, lower the seat, all right? I can get out like that--" she said,

but her voice rose and fell with the waves of pain riding through

her.

He shook his head. "Scully, where's your cellular?"

"In my pocket... I think. Where's yours?"

He sighed. "Somewhere in the mangled floorboard."

"Get me out. Now, Mulder. Please."

The hint of desperation made him act and he carefully braced his

knee below her seat.

He pulled the lever and it popped the seat, causing her to make a

noise that barely escaped her lips. Then he lowered it until the seat

was flat and she was free from the weight of the dash.

She sighed and stayed very still, her eyes closed.

"Okay," she whispered after awhile. "Pull me out."

"*What?*" he yelled. "Are you crazy? I might break something!"

She grimaced and looked up at him. "Mulder, we can't wait for

someone to come by this road and help us. And the only people

that are likely to come by are those who we really don't need to

meet, right? So, c'mon, Mulder... *pull me out.*"

He sighed and climbed into the backseat, ready to pull straight

back, the only way possible.

He took hold of her shoulders, then carefully slipped his hands

under her arms. The way he was holding her made him able to see

right into her face, see the incredible pain twisting her features.

"Scully, maybe we should--"

"Mulder. Just do it, all right? I have my legs as untwisted as

possible. Now you have to pull and pull hard. Quick and fast ... like

a Band-Aid."

He nodded and her eyes drilled into him the importance of this.

She captured his eyes and smiled softly. "You can do this, Mulder.

I trust you."

He nodded and pulled, yanking with all his might, even when her

breath exploded out into a pained wrenching kind of scream and

her eyes rolled shut.

He felt it give and then she was on top of him in the backseat, both

of them trembling.... but she was free.

She clung to his arms and her face went pasty white.

"Scully?" he asked, shifting her as gently as he could.

"I-- I'm fine," she mumbled. And then blacked out, her lips pressed

tightly together.

He laid her on the seat, remaining in the floor board to give her

room, and began searching for her injuries, wondering if he should

use the time to bandage them.

An ugly gash ran across her hairline. Taking a closer look at it, he

realized it was only superficial, and sighed in relief. It was still

bleeding a little, but she'd be okay.

Other than that-- and some bruises and scratches along her face

and legs, there were no major injuries. He knew she was very

lucky.

Hell, they both were lucky.

~~~~

Scully felt cold and her eyes opened, confused and dilated from

the darkness.

She could feel Mulder's hand on her thigh, and his head against

her stomach, and so she ran her fingers along his hair.

He looked up and her hand fell away.

"Hey you," he said softly. "You okay?"

"I'll live."

"That's all I'm asking for."

She smiled slightly and touched his head. "That's a nasty cut,

Mulder. It's still bleeding."

He gave her a sheepish look as she sat up, carefully holding onto

the front of his shirt.

She pulled on his T-shirt and said, "Rip some of this and I'll use it

to bandage your head."

He pulled at it for a few moments until it came apart, and Mulder

used his strong fingers to pull apart a few strips. Mulder watched in

fascination as Scully let her gentle fingers work. He delighted in

the light, butterfly touch she used in her careful ministrations.

"Looks like we are spending the night out here," she murmured,

glancing to the darkness.

He flashed her a grin that she saw only because the white of his

teeth contrasted so strongly against the deepening nightfall. "And I

have do that sleeping bag."

"Well, I have the matches, Mulder. Come on, Indian Scout, show

me how to make a fire."

He leaned in very close to her and said softly, "Well, we can wait

until we get cold... or we could do it now."

She wondered if his mind was still stuck on the sleeping bag.

She felt her hair on the back of her neck rise and she looked away

from him.

"Oh, it might be best to start the fire now."

<Sam!>

"Mulder?"

"Huh?"

"You suddenly looked very far away..."

<Lions roaring for blood, for fire blood to lick their house, to devour

the weak young, devouring....>

"Mulder, I'll make the fire, all right?" she said, recognizing the vapid

look coming back into his eyes. He nodded and let her get up,

move out into the dark away from him.

"Scully!" he yelled, suddenly panicked.

"I'm here, Mulder. Don't worry..." she said, taking a step back so

he could see her again. She continued to reassure him. "We'll

sleep out here tonight and then start walking tomorrow when we

can see, all right?"

"All right..." he said, unsure still of what was going on.

Getting up, Mulder walked over to where she was striking a match

on a piece of rock.

It ignited and he shivered, drawing away.

<Those bright sparks leaping, reaching for Sam...

caught in the light, Scully, caught in the light

You little spy..>

"Mulder! Mulder!"

"Ah, Scully... I'm here, I'm here."

She touched his knee and pulled him back from the flames. The

sleeping bag was there, she had gotten it from the car while the

memories had resurfaced.

"Mulder, lie down. You may be going into shock."

He shivered. "No, no ... You're the one who was hurt; you lie

down."

The ended up sitting together, as Scully had opened the sleeping

bag so it covered the both of them.

He shivered and drew them closer to the fire, despite everything in

his gut telling him to move away.

She very slowly leaned her head against his shoulder.

Then she was asleep.

end part eight

Title: Ashes, Ashes (9/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: See part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"The night

Shows stars and women in a better light."

-- "Byron," Don Juan, 1824

Sitting there, the sounds of the forest surrounding him, Mulder

couldn't sleep. Scully was fast asleep, leaning up against his

shoulder, but Mulder eyes wouldn't close for a moment.

Whether it was an automatic response to protect his partner, or a

fear of releasing himself to the demons of his dreams, Mulder

couldn't drift off.

He slowly drew his gaze down to where Scully was resting up

against him. Her breath blew out her mouth, repeatedly blowing

the strands of hair that lay in front of her face out a few inches into

the air. And then they would fall back down. And blow out again.

Mulder was almost intoxicated by the sight of her sleeping so

peacefully, so calmly. He traced the outline of her forehead with

his forefinger and middle finger, softly, feeling the smooth skin

against his fingertips.

"Dana..." he murmured softly.

He would do anything to protect her. He =had= to protect her

here.

~~~~

Her eyes fluttered gently, revealing nothing of the torment that

lurked inside. A beautiful facade that would not speak of its rotting,

hellish interior. Somehow, though, as Mulder woke up in the

middle of the night for seemingly no reason, and glanced over at

his sleeping partner, he knew.

He knew.

Mulder wanted to tap her awake, but he couldn't. He wouldn't

allow himself to do that. And suddenly, she shuddered.

<Fire... ashes... heat -- no, no... there was nothing-- pain-- no, no--

screams which did nothing; could do nothing-- no, God... no ... she

was ... no... burning, burning ... people ...>

"Oh!"

She awoke without warning, sweat pouring down her forehead,

creating a cold chill. Instantly, she felt pressure on her arms, and

something being pulled up farther to her chin... soft fabric..

"Scully?"

The voice startled her.

Scully turned to see her partner eyeing her carefully. She

swallowed so that she could speak, but he caught her first.

"Scully... you were shaking, I ..."

"Mulder, I .."

Her voice was strange. Small and scared and vulnerable. Where

had Agent Scully gone? she wondered suddenly. Now she was

only little Dana, cold and afraid, and exposed to her partner whose

eyes burned little holes into her head with all his worry.

"What, Scully?" he asked. His hand reached up, and plucked

away a few strands of hair that were sticking to her forehead. The

ministrations were small but they were so tender and carried with

them a potency of something that she couldn't quite place.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to at the moment ... her raw desire

just to have him close to her was all that she could handle as it

was.

"Mulder.." she said again. Her voice was still small, and as if

possible, Mulder brought her closer to him, touching his face to her

hair, gently snuggling up to her in a gesture of warmth and

friendship.

"What is it?" he asked softly, bringing his hand up to pull more

loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"I had another nightmare, Mulder."

She felt his form stiffen behind her, and there was a short pause

before he spoke. "What was it, Scully? More memories?"

"No.." Another pause.

Scully tried to articulate what she could remember. It didn't make

any sense...

She hadn't realized she had spoken the last thought aloud until

Mulder said, "What doesn't make sense?"

Scully jolted in surprise, and Mulder instantly was on guard.

"Scully, are you okay?"

"Yeah... um ... I just, I can't figure out what it was ..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Scully."

"No," she said defiantly. "I wanted to tell you."

Her head rotated just slightly so that she could glance up at him.

He looked back down at her, his face revealing the degree of

emotion in his reaction to her statement.

"Thanks," he said softly.

She began. "There was fire, I just remember a lot of fire... and

pain-- Mulder--" Her throat practically closed up as she felt it

again. "-- the pain, Mulder ... it was..."

"Scully, it's okay." Soothingly his voice caressed her, calming.

She continued. "And ashes... Mulder... ashes ..."

<Ashes, ashes, we all fall down... >

"No!"

This time, the shout came from Mulder.

"Mulder!" Scully said suddenly, turning around and putting her

hand on his leg. "What?"

Mulder's hands came over his eyes.

"Nothing..."

"That wasn't *nothing,* Mulder," Scully said, affording him none of

the gentility that he had given her. "What happened?"

Mulder paused. "When you said 'ashes,' Scully..."

He looked up at her, his eyes brimming with invisible tears. She

felt it, too.

~~~~

end part nine

Title: Ashes, Ashes (10/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: See part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"When the head aches, all the members share the pain."

--"Cervantes," Don Quixote, 1605

A groan broke the relative silence of the early morning. A few

birds chirped happily with a morning song, but the spirit was

broken when the figure that accompanied the groan rose with a

sour expression on his face.

"Urrghhh..." he mumbled.

Every muscle in his body ached, including ones that he had

forgotten were even there.

"That's the last time I sleep on a log ... again," he added to himself

aloud and grimaced.

Instinctively, he turned to his left, where Scully had been sleeping.

He found her curled up against the log as well, the sleeping bag

they'd had covering only her feet now.

"Oh, Scully..." he whispered.

Mulder took the bag, and kneeling over her, gently covered her

with it. However, as soon as he had done it, she awoke.

"Mulder?" she said groggily, seeing his blurry face set before hers.

"Yeah," he said softly.

As if a sort of ritual, he reached down and brushed the hair of out

her face. Scully blinked a few times to orientate herself. Suddenly,

she shot into an upright position.

"Mulder-- the car!" she said suddenly. Her second immediate

reaction was to cringe in pain-- she'd almost forgotten about the

injuries.

Mulder glanced over sheepishly, his mouth curling up. "Yeah, uh...

that was kind of totalled."

Scully simply looked at Mulder, and then the car, lying toe-up in the

ditch on the side of the road. It was an incredible sight, all right,

she thought. They were lucky nothing more had happened,

actually.

"What are we going to do, Mulder? Both of our phones were

crushed by the impact, weren't they?"

"Yeah," he said softly, still kneeling near her.

Again was that strange emergence of this quiet, diminutive Mulder.

She wondered what to make of it. Instead of thinking about it, she

said, "We need to find someone... maybe you should go back into

town..."

"No," Mulder instantly replied. "I'm not going to leave you here."

"Mulder, we can't stay here another night... we haven't eaten since

lunch yesterday ... it's cold and both you and I are probably injured

and need to be looked at."

At the word 'injured,' Mulder's expression instantly changed. Scully

was right; she was hurt, and possibly had sprained or broken

bones. She should have been treated right away, he thought, and

he had carelessly left her out there for the night. He hadn't wanted

to leave her...

"Mulder, don't worry about it," she replied, as if reading his mind.

"We just need to get someone out here."

"Yeah," Mulder said, squeezing her shoulder. She tried not to

cringe at the pain as he stood up and headed towards the road.

Mulder glanced down one way and then the other. He didn't think

anyone came down these roads-- or for that matter, anyone they

could count on for help, he thought.

Mulder glanced back at where Scully was sitting, and then up the

road.

It was only a few miles to town...

~~~~

"Scully, are you sure that you want me to do this?"

"Yes," she said firmly. "I think your only injuries occurred in your

arm and on your forehead, there." She reached up and touched

the tied shirt strips that they had used to bandage it.

"I'm more worried about your legs, Scully."

"They haven't been bleeding, Mulder... and they don't ... ah--" she

said, her face wrinkling up. "-- they don't hurt as much as they did

before."

Mulder shot her a look that said he didn't believe a word she was

saying.

"I'm not kidding, Mulder. You can't stay here. Just make sure

you're careful with yourself. And if you hurt too much, sit and rest

for a couple minutes. It's a longer walk than I think you think..."

Mulder didn't say anything. Oh, he knew how long it was going to

be. That's what he was worried about. He was uncomfortable

with the idea of leaving Scully that long.

But if he was going to get her injuries taken care of...

"All right," he said to her. "I'm not comfortable with this, Scully..."

"Mulder." Her voice stopped any further protests.

He was torn between leaving Scully by herself and doing what he

knew she wanted and what he had to do for her. He reminded

himself that she was in a lot of pain...

Hell, he didn't need to remind himself. The reminder was right

there in her face before him.

Mulder felt a sharp stab poke at his chest. He clenched his fist and

looked at Scully, sitting there. Mulder came over and wrapped the

sleeping bag around her more tightly.

"Are you sure you'll be able to stay here?" he asked.

She nodded, saying nothing.

"And you should sleep, Scully... you need to sleep when you're in a

condition like this, especially after..."

He didn't even need to finish the sentence with "... last night," since

they both knew what he was talking about. Somehow, though,

Mulder worried that the emotional pain was going to be harder than

the physical. Particularly if the nightmares came back while he

was gone.

Mulder didn't want to think about that. He would be there and

back with help before either of them knew it.

Before he could stop himself, Mulder was leaning down and gave

her a quick kiss on the lips, startling them both.

He stepped back promptly. "I'll be back soon," was all he managed

out before starting off down the road.

~~~~

end part ten

Title: Ashes, Ashes (11/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: See part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in

the air, flutters, and falls to the ground. But a few others are like

stars which travel one defined path: no wind reaches them, they

have within themselves their guide and their path."

--"Siddhartha," Hermann Hesse

It was hot and the leaves were very still above her, like hands

reaching, stretching towards her. The woods were too silent and

she tried to ignore the lack of birds and wildlife.

Curling up in the only position that did not make her want to pass

out with pain, Dana closed her eyes and thought of Mulder.

He was so sure of himself most times, but lately, he'd been

reluctant, almost afraid to search out the truth. She wished she

could give him back his confidence; but as it was, she didn't have

much herself.

A tiny breeze lifted her hair and she sighed with the wonderful

coolness of it.

It hurt too much to think, and it hurt too much to try and stay awake.

Her head spilled forward into the sleeping bag and she breathed

out softly.

Mulder would make it.

~~~~

He couldn't believe he was actually walking away from her.

Scully was all alone in that forest, the car sticking up like a red

flag, and he had actually agreed and walked off.

At the time, it was the only thing he could do.

Now, his head exploded and his arms ached and his legs were

rotting away under him, and he knew this was an incredibly bad

idea.

An image of her face flashed before him, the pain and fear and

hidden whimpers riding in with it. During the night she'd had her

nightmare, and it was that face that kept him going.

He remembered her words and stopped, leaning against a tree for

support, breathing in deeply and wincing.

Maybe some bruised ribs there.

He propelled himself forward though and kept close to the road, yet

far enough away that he could jump back and stay hidden. The sun

was hot and the air muggy and his hair stuck to him in sweaty

locks.

His breathing was too loud.

All he could see was her face as she looked up at him after her

dream.

All he could hear was her pitiful voice trembling.

And he had left her!

He angrily kicked a rock over the road and stirred up the dust.

He had left her . . . and he had kissed her.

He was messed up from the accident, that was all.

It was just the heat and the fear and the pain making him just a little

screwy.

Right?

~~~~

<<"Oh God..."

It was so hot, and the trees were on fire . . . on fire all around her

and ash falling--no--*floating* up and the light was intense and it

==hurt==

"Dana?"

"No, no, no...."

"Dana? Just stop trying to move. Let it take you..." A woman's

voice.

Penny?

"Oh God, no....."

"Dana, it will hurt more if you try to resist."

"Oh God....Mulder.....Mulder......You have to stop them .....you

have to stop them.....this isn't right...."

Her voice sounded hollowly faint in her ears, depressingly pitiful.

"Dana! They're setting them on fire!"

"They're back...."

Another whimper and the woman talking with her was in flames,

her kind face filled with blackened flesh, her hands crumbling

around Scully's arm.

She ran, screaming for Mulder, for God.

They were back and they would catch her and it would be the same

as before, oh God, not like before-- >>

She woke in heat and fear and panted, even as pain shot through

her lungs and into her chest.

Laying back down, Dana tried to shake off the horror she could feel

around her like a spider's web.

It had been too real.

She remembered now. It was too real. The fire at the bridge. The

people burning around her, and the fear that they'd find her and

take her back and she'd be tested again.

She shivered despite the sleeping bag and the heat and curled

closer around the log. She couldn't fall asleep.

She prayed Mulder would get back soon.

~~~~

His breath stung every pore of his body and the ache in his side

had been growing increasingly dangerous. He stopped and sat

down, gasping in huge lungfuls of air, but none seemed to make it

to his blood.

"I'm sorry, Scully." he murmured and closed his eyes.

He had to rest. He had to stop.

He felt the ground shake.

Jumping to his feet with more energy than he could have ever

summoned, Mulder backed away from the road. The vehicle was

heavy and was definitely not civilian.

It rumbled past and did not see him.

He breathed out and sighed.

He started to walk again and thought about the Army truck that had

just shot by.

And then he turned back and began to run.

~~~~

She had woken again to find that she had been able to sleep after

all.

And she was much more lucid this time.

Their car stuck out of the ground ahead of her like a beacon and

she realized that if anyone came by, they'd see it for sure.

And they'd stop and investigate.

The thought made her dizzy with fear, and she knew that her

reaction was not normal, nor was it something she would originally

feel. It was as if her dreams had unlocked a strange new world for

her - one of Mulder's paranoia and a never ending fear.

She attempted to stand and collapsed back down to the sleeping

bag, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood with the pain of it.

She managed to get up on her hands after some maneuverering,

but she could not keep any pressure on her legs for any length of

time without her knees giving out on her.

She was fairly certain her shins were split, and possibly, her knee

joints were sprained or even torn, but all she could think about was

someone coming by on the road and finding her and taking her

back there.

She dug her nails into the ground and crawled forward, her teeth

grinding as she attempted to relocate the pain and forget the agony

it was doing to her muscles.

Exhausted, she lay finally in some bushes, knowing somewhere in

her that this would do no good, but she was too tired to really think.

A wave of pain threw her back into darkness.

~~~~

Mulder had just found their campsite when he saw the truck

rumbling off down the road.

His heart beat wildly in his chest and he rounded a bend in the

road and came to the car.

It was quiet, the kind of fallout quiet that comes after the bombs

have been dropped and the enemy destroyed.

He did not see Scully.

He found the sleeping bag and it had been sliced with a knife, cut

to shreds and torn apart at the seams. His blood raged within him

and he shook in fear and guilt.

He saw the tracks of boots, moving along to a little grove and

there he found where Scully had probably been.

It was bloodied and churned by feet and hands.

Her hands.

And her desperate attempt to escape was depicted upon the

ground, here a frantic dig at the loamy earth, there a deep imprint

of military boots.

He felt his throat constrict and he vomited into the bushes,

clutching his stomach and choking on the acid stinging him.

Lying on the ground, he saw her blood before him and felt the life

drain out of him.

But he pulled his ragged body from the ground and started for the

road mechanically, thinking only that this was all his fault.

<You little spy.>

~~~~

end part eleven

Title: Ashes, Ashes (12/12)

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: see part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"But the bravest man amongst us is afraid of himself."

--"The Picture of Dorian Gray" Oscar Wilde

He had been walking mindlessly for five minutes when he came

back to himself.

He stopped.

And turned around and looked at where he was and realized he

had acted foolishly.

It was suicide to run after that truck now, while his bones were

beaten in and his head thundering and his body damaged. He

could do nothing for her by getting caught himself.

He started walking back to the town, to help. He needed to

understand everything that had happened if he wanted to get her

out of there.

He walked quickly, thinking of the case to help him ignore the

painful jolts riding through him.

First, what did he know?

Eighteen people were abducted. Nine women, nine men. They

paired up when the women were returned. The women were

pregnant.

What did that mean?

His mind raced along, taking a running start to make the huge

leaps he was known for.

Breeding.

It was the first thing to come to mind.

He remembered the nursing home, the elderly women lying in rows

and rows and that cooling cabinet holding the fetuses. That had

been while Scully was in the hospital, when he still thought he

would lose her forever.

He could still lose her forever.

He chided his lack of concentration and tried again.

Okay, so the government needed more breeding mares. The

elderly women were at risk, or the implanting wasn't successful and

more times than not it failed. So they turned to younger, more vital,

women. And sort-of programmed the men to act as protectors . . .?

<"Mulder, you have no proof of this.">

He heard Scully in his head, reminding him that leaps like this

made no sense to the outside world and sounded odd, off-base to

most.

Whatever the women were needed for, Mulder was certain it had

something

to do with that lab.

And the lab was where Scully was.

~~~~

She groaned when she felt the heat against her forehead.

Her eyes flickered open and rolled, then she caught sight of her

prison.

White walls, white floor, white sheets on a white bed that she slept

on in a white nightgown.

She shivered and stared around.

It was her dream.

She curled up into the corner and stayed as far from the door as

possible.

It was her dream . . . oh God . . . .

<Let Mulder find me....>

~~~~

It took him five hours of ceaseless walking to reach the town, and

as he did so, the sun began to set and the birds came back to the

trees.

He managed to convince the Sheriff to give him a more sturdy four

wheel drive truck and allow him to go back.

The Sheriff himself would not go.

He claimed Mulder's ideas were lunatic and that he would have no

part in raiding a federal laboratory.

Mulder wondered if somehow, someway, the Sheriff had been told

not to help him.

Maybe Caroline Adams was orchestrating things for the

government from this side?

After packing into a bag his binoculars, some first aid supplies, and

food, Mulder himself ate.

He felt guilty with every bite.

But he knew he had to be prepared for a fight over there. He was

going in blind, with no knowledge of the terrain, the layout, or even

where Scully was being held.

It was a crazy thing to do alone.

But he had promised himself that he would protect his partner.

And he was going to get her back.

~~~~

The room faded from view and Scully slipped into relief.

Her eyes were tightly shut and the waking nightmare was ending

again.

The visions of needles and lights and fear was dissipating, to be

left with the exhaustion of too many memories.

The door opened.

She froze.

"Get up," came a sterile cold voice that made her bite her lip to

keep from whimpering.

She didn't understand why the memories had her so afraid, so

utterly helpless to do anything but cower. She wanted to be

dignified, calm, reassured in the face of this, but she couldn't.

It was as if some part of her remembered what was to come, and

remembered all too well.

A hand forced her to her feet and she was led, or rather dragged,

into another white room, placed on a table and bound.

She felt the fear beat through her blood, course into her nerves,

and scream with the intensity of the emotion.

She knew she would not die.

Oh, no, it would be much, much, worse.

~~~~

His hands trembled as the wire snapped and he paused, waiting

for alarms or sensors or cameras to pick up on the trespass.

He slipped inside the fence when no one came and still, nothing

happened.

He frowned. Something wasn't right.

This was too easy.

He pressed the binoculars to his face and wished for night goggles

instead of cheap, baseball-watching lenses.

He scanned over the main building and saw bars on the upstairs

windows, clearly announcing that they had something in there they

didn't want getting out.

Mulder took a dodging path to the building, making his way through

shrubs and silently around other facilities.

The night was dark and the crickets chirped too loudly for anyone

to really notice him, but still, it was =too easy.=

He slipped inside the building, then to a bank of elevators that

required a security card. Prying a credit card from his wallet,

Mulder slid it through the slot.

Havoc played through the computerized lock and quickly Mulder

punched in random numbers until one was recognized.

The elevator doors opened.

No one was around.

A small bell dinged as the door closed and he knew it was still too

easy. For this place to be doing such things, it was too easy to

compromise.

The car rose and deposited him into an empty hall. Again no one.

He sprinted briskly down the walkway, peering into each locked

room as he went by, eyes trained for red hair and a small frame.

She was in the last one.

Arms bound to her sides and feet bound to the table, she was lying

perfectly still, almost death like.

He tried the lock scramble again and the door slid open and spilled

him inside.

It was hot in the room.

He went to her and checked for a pulse, finding it strong and

steady.

Her eyes opened.

She did not see him.

He panicked; he touched her face and ran his hands through her

hair and yanked on the cords that bound her.

"Scully?" he hissed, his voice frantic, drenched with fear and worry.

She said nothing, but her eyes continued to stare out past him, in

the same flat expression as she'd had when she had woken from

her dream.

"Scully, I'm getting you out of here." he said, trying to reassure her,

and himself.

He pulled her up, her dead weight heavy in his still weak arms. Her

face slumped into his shoulder and her body fell completely into

him.

"Wake up, Scully. We have to go, and I need you to walk for me."

She remained lifeless so he picked her up and started back down

the hall.

~~~~

The room was too white. She tried closing her eyes, but it leached

in and destroyed her vision. Everywhere she looked was white and

bright and hurting. She heard bits and pieces of her nightmare

come back to her and she shut it out. She could not feel the bed

anymore, she could not feel anything anymore.

She was too afraid to move.

~~~~

It was when he tried to slip her under the fence that all hell

suddenly broke loose.

A guard yelled and a spotlight was flashed on, bathing them in

bright, stunning light.

He heard Scully whimper and she buried herself further into his

arms.

He was so relieved at hearing any noise at all from her, that he

forgot she was making the noise out of fear.

He pushed her through and came tumbling out himself, picking her

up again as he began to run.

Pain stitched through his side with needle-like accuracy and he

almost dropped her, but kept going, refusing to let it be the end.

But no one was running after them. No one stopped them.

His head kept chanting 'It's too easy, too easy.'

It was too easy.

~~~~

The hospital was quiet that night.

He sat stubbornly in a chair by her bed, letting the nurse redress

his bloody side from where the wire had cut into him. Scully's eyes

remained resolutely shut.

After their escape, he had put her in the truck and when he had

looked over at her, her eyes were closed and she had slipped into

a coma.

He now knew why it had been so easy.

They didn't expect her to ever wake up again.

The bitter refusal rose stubbornly in Mulder as he pushed the

nurse aside and scooted closer to Scully's thin, pale body. The

monitors beeped and held vigil with him, but she breathed on her

own. He held out on that hope.

"Scully..." he whispered softly, taking her cool, small hand into his

large encompassing one. She seemed so cold, Mulder thought

with a shudder. Why? he thought. Why again, why now?

She was so quiet.

So very silent.

~~~~

She could feel the fire closing in around her, the white hot blaze

burning into her eyes.

It had come back.

For her. For =her.= To do things again. To hurt her again.

She needed Mulder. She needed Mulder to save her.

~~~~

He felt the slight pressure on his hand and was immediately

awake, dispelling his reoccurring dream of a house engulfed in

flames along with the sleep.

Her eyes had opened ...

"Scully?"

"Mulder..." Her voice was pitiful, shallow, and tight. He frowned.

"Mulder?" she asked again.

Her eyes would not focus on him and they seemed tormented,

terrified.

"You're safe, now, Scully. Safe."

"Mulder...."

Her eyes rolled back and forth, resting on nothing, and a feeling of

doom settled in his stomach.

She was having another nightmare.

She whimpered again and threw her hands up, covering her face

and hiding behind the sheet.

He could only watch. It tore at him to see her so afraid and not be

able to comfort her. Mulder's fists clenched again and again-- he

wanted to reach out to her... to help her ...

"Scully? Come on out-- it's a dream. You're okay, Scully. You're

okay..." his words were soft, and they prodded gently at her, slowly

pulling her out.

Her hand flailed in the air and Mulder took it, greedily wrapping his

warm fingers around hers, entangling his fingers within hers.

She immediately relaxed and curled up around his arm, resting her

head against his elbow.

Mulder sighed contentedly, pushing the hair away from her sweaty

face, and then kissed her forehead.

Her eyes opened.

He could not bring himself to look at their blank stare.

"Mulder?" she said.

He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed she was not having another

nightmare, so soon after the first one.

A hand touched his cheek and he jerked up, startling both her and

himself.

"Scully..."

"Where am I?" she said, her voice weak and raspy as a result of

her ordeal.

"At the hospital. Scully . . . " His voice was laden with pain and

anticipation. Mulder wet his lips and brought himself to look down

into her eyes.

She still had his hand in hers. "What happened to me?" she asked.

A pause.

"What do you remember?"

She sighed. "Dreams. . . nothing much else."

Her eyes closed and he made a sound. "No, no, no ... please,

don't close your eyes, Scully." he whispered.

She raised her eyebrow and the action was so wonderfully familiar

that Mulder instantly bent down and kissed her forehead.

That caused her to be even more surprised. "Mulder, what

happened?"

"Do you remember the car crash?"

She nodded. "Yes. My legs hurt. I couldn't walk. They came back

for me, Mulder-- in that van-- I was so afraid they already had

you . . ."

"No, no. They didn't see me. I ran back, Scully. I ran back to the

site, and I saw all your blood in the dirt--" Mulder's words cut off as

the agonizing memory of that moment ripped through him again.

Scully let out a breath, and looked up at Mulder, where he stared

back down at her. His eyes were moist with unshed tears. She

didn't want to keep him in suspense any longer.

"I did that to myself, Mulder," she explained. "I-- I was trying to get

away from the road ... and I dragged myself across the ground --

cut my arm on a branch."

He smiled as her lips quirked.

"I don't remember anything else. Where did you find me?"

"I went to the lab and got you. They let me, really," he said, his lips

curling up in a matter of disgust. "I wouldn't have even gotten

close to the place unless they had wanted me to. I think they

knew... they knew you wouldn't remember anything."

"Is the case closed?" she asked suddenly.

His face hardened. "Yes. Unsolved."

"But... Mulder--"

"No, Scully. I'm not going to continue this. I talked to the sheriff,

and he's not offering any more support whatsoever ... you almost

got killed--" Mulder's voice began to crack. "I'm not letting this go

on. No more."

"Mulder. If you do that, they've won." she said quietly.

He shook his head and leaned forward. "No, I've won." he said and

his lips ghosted her cheek. "If you're safe, I've won."

~~~~

end part twelve

Title: Ashes, Ashes --- EPILOGUE

Authors: Nora Katherine

RocketMan

Disclaimer: see part one

SPOILER FOR ALL SEASONS

Ashes, Ashes

"Our fathers and ourselves sowed dragon's teeth.

Our children know and suffer the armed men."

--Stephen Vincent Benet

Ashes fell soundlessly into the molded ceramic mug. Years of

smoke inhiliation tainted the vocal chords of the man who spoke

calmly. "She was abducted and fell into a coma?" he asked.

His voice almost held a trace of concern.

"Yes, sir." A blazing red beard practically covered up the lip

movements of the uniformed man who stood before him. A

reflective gold badge which read " Shrike County Sheriff's Office."

"You were supposed to merely do the job... I didn't want her

injured, Mr. McDonald."

"Look, sir, my men took care of the business. Everything is fine."

Violently blowing out a stream of smoke, he spat, "We're lucky

everything went okay! Agent Scully fell into a coma. You don't

realize how valuable she truly is."

McDonald raised an eyebrow. "How important is that, if you don't

mind me asking, sir?"

He was getting more and more annoyed with this man's grating

voice and stupid questions. "More important than you could ever

realize," he simply replied, taking a long, slow drag of the

cigarette.

"There's something weird I noticed, though," McDonald said.

The man resisted the urge to pull out a pistol and shoot this insipid

sheriff right then and there. That was to be taken care of later, he

thought, keeping himself in check. "Yes?" he said.

"That Mulder guy-- he was acting like all those other young men

were, but he wasn't even brought up like they were."

The man didn't reply. Mulder had a bond with his partner that no

amount of "conditioning" could have created. He simply nodded

and blew out more smoke, creating rings in the air.

"So what now?" McDonald asked.

"Now we wait," he said.

~~~~

Mulder noticed something strange as Scully walked in the office

that morning. She had been out for a couple weeks, as Skinner

had ordered mandatory sick leave to give her time to recuperate.

However, as she headed in that morning, Mulder didn't think she

looked so well.

"Scully--?" he said, immediately coming to her side.

She looked at him as if his skin was purple. "What?" she asked.

"You ... you don't look so well."

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm still a little under the weather," she replied.

Mulder looked at her, concerned. "Scully, if you're not well, I don't

want you working here."

"No, no, no..." she said, touching her hand to Mulder's arm. "I feel

fine-- I've just had a bit of a problem keeping stuff down these past

couple days."

Mulder appeared confused. "What do you mean, Scully?"

"Oh, I've just been throwing up a few times in the morning ... it's

really strange, actually. I almost never get sick to my stomach."

"Scully, you should get it checked out-- especially after what you

just went through. You have no idea what it could be."

"Mulder, I'm sure it's nothing. I feel fine otherwise."

"Scully ..."

She sighed in resignation. She never she would never win with

him on her back. "Fine," she finally said. "Fine, I will go."

~~~~

Scully really wished Mulder hadn't insisted on coming along. She

felt slightly embarrassed sitting in the examination room with him,

though she wasn't sure why. Scully had just had an odd feeling

about the entire thing ever since they had arrived at the medical

offices.

They'd been waiting for about fifteen minutes for the doctor to

come back with some results. Scully had gotten some samples

taken earlier, and the doctor had since checked her out. But

nothing else appeared strange or odd.

Neither Scully nor Mulder had any idea what could be going on.

Suddenly, there was a clipped knock at the door, bringing them

both out of their silent reveries. "Dana?"

Scully looked up as her doctor headed through the door, holding a

clipboard with her medical records on them.

"Yes?" she asked.

She noticed Mulder instantly straighten up out of the corner of her

eye. He was in as much anticipation as she; probably more so, the

they thought. A thousand worst-case scenarios sprung to her

mind-- could the cancer possibly have returned? Maybe they had

reactivated it when she'd been abducted again? she wondered.

Scully instantly felt sick at the thought of it.

Again, the doctor interrupted her tormented thoughts. "We ran

these instantaneous tests, and while they can't tell us everything,

you seem perfectly healthy, Dana."

Scully immediately let out a huge breath she hadn't even realized

she'd been holding and looked to Mulder who wore the exact same

expression she did. Pure, unadulterated relief. Scully even

allowed a small smile.

"But--"

The doctor's voice cut into Scully's chest like a knife, ripping

through it. She felt an instant pain stabbing into her. Scully

swallowed, telling herself it was all psychological.

"What?" she asked.

"We did notice something, uh--" The doctor looked over at

Mulder. "Is this your husband?"

"Oh, no," Scully said, feeling her cheeks start to burn even as she

replied. "He's my partner at work."

The doctor nodded. "Well, I don't know if you want to take this

news alone, or .."

Scully shook her head, looking over at Mulder again. "I want him

to be here," she said.

"Okay," she said with a small smile. "I guess-- you'll have to start

seeing an obstetrician soon."

"What?" both Mulder and Scully asked in unison.

"Yes, Dana. Your urine sample revealed the fact that you're

pregnant."

Scully's mouth hung open. That was impossible. She couldn't be

pregnant. Shainaeh Burkowitz had said it herself: "You can't

plant seeds in a barren field." She couldn't be...

"But..." Scully struggled to speak. "I was told I was infertile. Th--

that's impossible."

"Improbable," the doctor replied, "but obviously not impossible.

You have a life growing in you, Dana. Congratulations."

Scully instantly turned to where Mulder was sitting. She saw him

hanging onto the sides of the stool for support, but his eyes were

completely locked onto hers and they spoke volumes that words

never could.

She was a mother...

end epilogue

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