Announcer: When we last left "The WENN Files," Sherwood was skillfully dodging a question. Will he be able to evade Robert's probing? Or will Sherwood be forced to tell the truth? Tune in now to..."The WENN Files."
Roberts: Sherwood, you have to answer the question. We owe this to our listeners. Let me repeat it: Susan asks, "Is Asst. Director Cornstalk a good hitter or did you fake the pain?"
Sherwood: Pain? What pain? Well, Susan, it's difficult to fake a black eye, so I guess I would say that Asst. Director Cornstalk--
Roberts: Comstock.
Sherwood: Oh yeah, right. Comstock is a fairly decent slugger. Not as good as yours truly, but he probably hasn't had as much experience as me.
Roberts: Boy, I don't know how both of us fit into this storage closet with that oversized ego of yours. (The door opens with a bang.) Assistant Director Comstock! This is...quite a surprise!
A.D. Comstock: (ignoring Roberts) Sherwood, that was an insult! I won the Golden Glove award for the entire city of Providence in my youth. Where do you think I learned my right cross?
Sherwood: A.D. Comstock, I had no idea--
A.D. Comstock: Maybe next time you should think before you speak. (menacingly) But maybe there won't be a next time! I challenge you to a duel to take place on the next episode of "The WENN Files!"
Roberts: Boys, simmer down! Do you really need a "duel" to settle your hostilities? I could get Arden Sage back to help you with this problem.
Sherwood: Roberts, I don't think Sage will ever come back to this station. Not after what Hilary said to him.
Roberts: Well, that's true. I suppose now I'll have to stop her from insulting the fraudulent guests just in case we want them back.
A.D. Comstock: Excuse me? I thought we were talking about having a duel? You two are getting very off topic. Focus people, focus! Now Sherwood, what'll it be? Are you a man or a chicken? Bwuck Bwuck Bwuck!
Sherwood: If we weren't on radio now...why...why...why I'd--
Roberts: (disapprovingly) Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Obviously you boys are going to settle things with your fists next week so why don't we get on with the next question.
Sherwood: Roberts is right. We should be professional about this now. Next week we can be immature.
A.D. Comstock: I wasn't planning on fighting, per se, Sherwood. This is a radio show and a real fight might not be conduitive to the medium. I was thinking about having an insult duel. Pirates used do that way back when.
Sherwood: I accept! A duel of insults, eh? I'll have to borrow Robert's thesaurus.
Roberts: Listeners, you heard it here first. Sherwood and A.D. Comstock will fight a "duel of insults" in the tradition pirate-y style next week on "The WENN Files."
Comstock: Well...I have things to do. Carry on. (The door shuts.)
Roberts: Okay, now that we have all the manly business out of the way, let's get on with the questions. Our first question comes from Brit Graves of Fayetteville, Arkansas. "Okay, I have a question for Sherwood," she says. "Why do you feel it is necessary to put yourself down in front of Roberts? Buck up, man! You've already said you're sorry, now cut the crap and win the woman already! I believe the last time you committed a feonious act was AIIDBIS, when you kept saying how you were the person that everyone could trust not to trust, but you've grown...oh, so much more trustworthy in the past year. And I think she's starting to notice! May the Force be with you!"
Sherwood: Force? Does she mean the force of gravity or what?
Roberts: (ignoring Sherwood) I know this question is for Sherwood, but I feel like I should editorialize on this subject because, well, after all, I am involved. Britt, I agree with you. Sherwood should buck up! Here I am, an attractive young woman in my mid-twenties living in bustling Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, and I can't get a date for Friday night. First A.D. Comstock is too busy with his stuff in Washington to even have a sandwich with me and now Sherwood is too busy doing pentitence than taking action! I'd be better off with Doug at the rate that these two guys are going! (She shakes her head.) Sherwood, what was I just saying?
Sherwood: Maybe she means the force of friction... What Roberts?
Roberts: Oh, nevermind. I just felt like I was being possessed by a stranger from the future...someone who knew what was going on and told me what to think and say. Definitely a strange experience.
Sherwood: Well, we have time to go through just one more question. This one is posed by Rebecca Immich of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. She asks, "To what extent are the rumors about the closing of radio station WENN true? I've heard many things over the internet and am wondering if I should worry about not finding my favorite program on the dial anymore.
Roberts: Oh dear. I guess the rumors of the stations closure has begun to reach our fans.
Sherwood: Now Rebecca, don't worry. WENN will be on the air for a long time to come. It's just that now, in order to create new shows, we have to fight AMC. AMC is, of course, the All-Music Channel. They don't believe in original, critically acclaimed dramas or comedies. WENN might be using reruns for a while, but we'll be back on the air with new episodes just as soon as we can!
Roberts: I guess that's it for tonight! Send in your questions to "The WENN Files" - we can always use some fresh material to liven up this show!
Announcer: But next week, "The WENN Files" sits ringside as Sherwood and A.D. Comstock duke it out in a duel of insults! Stay tuned for another exciting episode of..."The WENN Files."