Announcer: "The WENN Files" are brought to you on a semi-irregular basis by the Letter Q and the Pittsburgh Performing Arts Theatre troupe. The last time we met, Sherwood and Roberts were in the process of researching the background of the Ape Maniac Channel in relation to the All-Music Channel which is trying to take over WENN. We now bring you to the Pittsburgh Public Library where Sherwood and Roberts are delving deeply into the stacks.
Roberts: Sherwood, this research is getting us nowhere! I cannot find a listing for the Ape Maniac Channel in any of the radio station listing. The only radio station WAMC stands for the All-Music Channel. There is a KAMC, which stands for American Movie Classic. I wonder how they can broadcast movies over the radio... Hmmmm.
Sherwood: Aha! It's all a big conspiracy! American Movie Classics--
Announcer: (whispered tones) Ahem. Questions?
Sherwood: (dejectedly) Blast those darned questions! Well, Roberts, would you open up the, ah, pitifully thin mailbag and read the first question?
Roberts: I'd be glad to! Anything to keep your mind of the temporary demise of WENN! [She rummages through the letters and pulls one out.] This one is from Emma Redmer of Pomona, New Jersey, has two questions, one for me and one for both of us. [She glances at the question more thoroughly and blushes.] We're going to start with the question for both of us. Emma asks, "Who do you think Hildy's husband is, and when and why did she marry him? She obviously loves Jeff but was too stubborn and hurt to take him back." Well, Emma, I must tell you that Hilary's revelation was as much of a shock to me as it was to everyone else. I honestly don't have a clue as to who her husband is or when she married him. Any theories, Sherwood?
Sherwood: Well, Hilary could have gotten married to revenge herself about Jeff. She might have gotten drunk one night and then just woke up next to someone, married. Of course, that's just one theory.
Roberts: (suspciously) Hey, Sherwood, didn't you spend a lot of time with Hilary after she found out about Jeff and Pavla?
Sherwood: (innocently) Surely you're not accusing me of marrying Hildy? Mackie and Mr. Foley were also quite concerned, as were you and Maple. Anyway, Roberts, you know I wouldn't do anything to endanger my relationship with you! [He smiles Sherwood-like at her with the last remark.]
Roberts: (ignoring the last remark) I suppose that theory could be true, but who would she marry? Mr. Foley? Mackie? Or even Victor?
Sherwood: [He sees his opportunity and seizes it.] I definitely think she's married to Victor. Must have happened just after he came back from Germany. He was in such a deluded state that it didn't take much alcohol to get him and Hilary to a chapel. I bet they're in the process of a divorce right now.
Roberts: I don't think so. Victor...I mean, A.D. Comstock would have told me.
Sherwood: I don't think Comstock has enough guts to tell you anything. [From the stacks, a shadowy figure jumps out, startling both Roberts and Sherwood.]
Shadowy Figure: Hiya guys!
Roberts: [peering at the shadowy figure] Is that Maple? Or should I call you the Shadowy Figure?
Shadowy Figure: Ummmm. Gee, I dunno. You could just call me Mata Hari.
Roberts: Okay, Mata Hari.
Sherwood: Maple, you need a better code name!
Mata Hari: Oh, hush up, Scotty! Now, I just thought I would let you two know that A.D. Comstock has just been to the courthouse with Hilary.
Sherwood: (loudly) AHA!
Librarian: SHHHH! (in a whisper) If you cannot be quiet, young man, I'll have to remove you from this library!
Sherwood: (quietly) That proves it! A.D. Comstock and Hilary are getting a divorce! I say we go to the WENN-mobile to catch them in the act!
Roberts: (resignedly) I refuse to believe this...this Mata Hari, but I guess we could check it out.
Mata Hari: Hey, what time is it?
Sherwood: It's quarter after eleven, Mapes.
Mata Hari: Darn! I gotta go! I'm doing a show in fifteen minutes. Have fun tracking down Comstock, agents! [She vanishes within the stacks.]
Sherwood: Well, I think we should go follow up on that clue, Roberts.
Roberts: Oh, all right. But we still have questions left to answer!
Sherwood: We'll get them all next time, I promise. But I want to catch Comstock and Hilary in the act!
Announcer: As Sherwood and Roberts wait for the WENN-mobile, this episode of "The WENN Files" draws to a close. Are A.D. Comstock and Hilary married? Or is it just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Stay tuned for the next episode of..."The WENN Files."