Bzzybee's Buffy Quotes:
Season Three

Willow: He got away. We still have some glitches in the system, like vampires getting away.

Willow: We try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement?don't get killed.

Oz: It's sort of a funny story. You remember when I didn't graduate?
Willow: Well I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school is for.
Oz: Yeah, well you remember when I didn't go?

Larry: If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna rule!

Willow: I wonder what she's doing right now.
Xander: Oh I know what she's doing. Gabbing to all of her friends about her passionate affair with Pedro the cabana boy, laughing about me, thinking how she still might have feelings about me. (Pause) It's possible you were talking about Buffy.

Oz: I don't know, I think we're kind of getting a rhythm down.
Xander: We're losing half the vamps.
Oz: Yeah but, rhythmically.

Cordelia: Where do I hide?
Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity.

Xander: Check it out. The watcher's back on the clock, and just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a looker, or a seer.
Giles: Thank you, Xander.

Buffy: I got in a few hours ago, but I went to go see my mom first.
Giles: Yes, yes, of course. How did you find her?
Buffy: Well I pretty much remembered the address.

Xander: So where were you? Did you go to Belgium?
Buffy: Why would I go to Belgium?
Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?

Willow: We were gettin good. We dusted nine out of ten.
Oz (under his breath): Six out of ten.
Willow: Six out of ten.
Xander: Whatever, we were kickin a little undead booty.

Joyce: But, you can't keep her out of school. You don't have the right.
Principal Snyder: I have not only the right but also nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself at tingly.

Buffy: You know, I love art talk as much as the next very dull person, but we have work to do Giles.

Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf? USA Today? Anything?

Willow: What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight? I told her mom we'd help out, bring stuff.
Cordelia: I'm the dip.
(Momentary silence)
Xander: Uh, you've gotta admire the purity of it.
Cordelia: What? Onion dip. Stirring, not cooking. It's what I bring.

Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootinanny?
Cordelia: What's the difference?
Oz: Well a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig - dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And hootinanny - well it's chock full of hoot, just a liiittle bit of nanny.

Willow: No let them go Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence.
(Zombies crash through the window.)
Willow: I was being sarcastic!

Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared - not good.

Xander: Buffy, banned from campus but not from our hearts, how are you and what's for lunch?

Willow: Ooh, Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then, but I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. Oh, I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little, half-smile thing that you - (to Oz) you're supposed to stop me when I do that.
Oz: I like when you do that.

Giles: Buffy good timing. I could use your help. I trust you remember the demon Acathla.
Buffy: Giles, contain yourself. Yes, I'm back in school, but you know how it embarasses me when you gush so let's just skip all that and get straight to work.
Giles: Oh, I um, of course it's wonderful to have you back, it goes without saying. But you enjoy making me say it, don't you?

Buffy: Oh, no. I have to go take an English makeup exam. They - give you credit just for speaking it, right?

Faith: Isn't it crazy how slaying always makes you hungry and horny?
(All look to Buffy.)
Buffy: Well, sometimes I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards.

Oz (to Faith): Now you both kill vamps, and, who could blame you, but I'm wondering about your position on werewolves.
Willow: Oz is werewolf.
Buffy: It's a long story.
Oz: I got bit.
Buffy: Apparently not that long.

Faith: It's boring. Way too stuffy for a guy like you.
Buffy: Um, maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles.
Faith: I've seen him. If I'd have known they came that young and cute I'd have requested a transfer.
Buffy: Raise your hand if ew.

Xander: And they say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but, um, I've learned to be afraid.

Joyce: Does anyone else think Faith is creepy?
Buffy: No, but I'm the one getting single white femaled here.

Faith: Didn't we, um, do this street already?
Buffy: Funny thing about vamps, they'll hit a street even after you've been there. It's like they have no manners.

Giles: What you must realize, Buffy is that you and Faith have fairly different temperaments.
Buffy: Yeah, and mine's the sane one. The girls not playing with a full deck, Giles. She has almost no deck.. She has a three.

Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in. Coincidence and leprechauns.
Giles: Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously.
Buffy: Okay, but, I was right about the leprechauns, right?
Giles: As far as I know.

Buffy (to Mr. Platt, the school counselor): Buffy Summers, reporting for sanity.

Mr. Platt: Lots of people lose themselves in love. It's no shame. They write songs about it. The hitch is, you can't stay lost. Sooner or later you have to get back to yourself.

Xander: Oz does not eat people. It's more werewolf play. You know, I bat you around a little bit, like a cat toy. I have harmless wolf fun. Is it Oz's fault that, you know, side effect, people get cut to ribbons, and maybe then he'll take a little nibble, and - I'm not helping, am I?

Xander (examining a corpse): This guy's pretty barfworthy. Can't we be elsewhere?

Buffy: Couldn't sleep, huh?
Willow: I've been at Mister Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. How come you're the wakey girl? I mean, this time it's not your boyfriend who's the cold blooded - (Oz walks up behind her) - jelly donut?
Later:
Giles: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Clearly we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal. (Oz walks up behind him.)
Oz: Present. (All turn to look at him.) Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly donut, but my timing's impeccable.

Scott: I can't back you on that lunch. Nutritional demerits.
Buffy: Ugh, my stomach doesn't want hard food today. But there's fruit in it.
Scott: Those are marshmallows.

Buffy: He definitely marches to the beat of his own drummer. Actually I think he makes his own drums.

Cordelia: What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the dance yet?
Buffy: Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my color.
Scott: Oh, um, well no, I just, I assumed that you would think it was corny or something, but I'm in. I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to.
Buffy: Uh, sure I do, you know, if you want to.
Scott: I do if you want to.
Oz: The judges will accept that as a yes.

Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all sweaty.
Cordelia: They're training?
Xander: I stand by my phrase.

Although I have no quotes for this, I must note: I CAN'T BELIEVE XANDER AND WILLOW KISSED!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm better now.

Then:
Xander: That didn't just happen!
Willow: No! I mean it did, but, it didn't!
Xander: Because I respect you, and Oz, and I would never-
Willow: I would never either. It, it must be the clothes. It's a fluke.
Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is! And there'll be no more fluking.
Willow: Not ever.
(They almost kiss again.) Xander: We gotta get out of these clothes!
Willow: Right now.
Xander: Oh, I didn't mean -
Willow: I didn't mean either!

Buffy: I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my welcome home party.
Willow: They were killed by zombies.
Buffy: Good point.

Willow: There are forces at work here, dark, incomprehensible forces!
Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or the number of times that I've saved your life.
Willow (meekly): What do you want?
Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database.
Willow: K.

Giles (to Xander and Willow at the dance): We have to find Buffy. Something terrible has happened. Just kidding, thought I'd give you a scare. Are those finger sandwiches?

Faith (to Scott in front of his date): Scott? There you are honey. Hey, good news. The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we've gotta keep using the ointment.

Buffy: You really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kind of grows on you, like - a chia pet.

Cordelia searches for a weapon and comes back with a spatula.
Buffy: That's it?
Cordelia: Just this and a telephone.
Buffy: A telephone. And you didn't think that'd be helpful?
Cordelia: No, this is better, for (she waves the spatula up and down, and then realizes her mistake.). Oh.

Xander: These things are selling like hot cakes, which is ironic, because the hot cakes really aren't moving.

Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, ok, so now let's just sit quietly and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!
Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?
Cordelia: Get in line.

Joyce: Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home.
Buffy: What? Excuse me, I meant what?
Joyce: The keys. Take them.
Buffy: You don't have to tell me twice. Well, actually you did, but - bye!

Buffy: Let's do the timewarp again.
Willow: Maybe there's a reunion in town, or a Billy Joel tour or something.

Principal Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just the last name, like "Barbarino"!

Willow: I don't like this. They could have heart attacks.

Buffy: Something's weird.
Oz: Something's not?

Giles: You filthy little potser, you afraid of a little demon?
Principal Snyder: You wanna splash around in the pooh, you're the filthy one!
Buffy: Everybody just stop it! Okay, listen to me! I need help. Okay, Giles, I need grownups. These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes. Besides which, you guys are just wigging me out.

Cordelia: I just thought we were gonna do something, you know, classy.
Xander: What's classier than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?

B uffy: OK. Be kind rewind.

Xander: We're friends. Old, old friends. And maybe we've had one or two indiscretion s, but that's all past. Look, we're just very good friends, who like to hang out, and can I kiss your earlobe?
Willow: No! Well ok. No!

Xander: Whoa! It smells like church in here. No wait, evil church.

Xander: So do you really need to resort to the black arts to keep our hormones in check?
Willow: At this point I'm thinking no.

Spike: I gave her everything. Beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy.

Oz: (Sniff sniff): It's Willow. She's nearby.
Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
Oz: She's afraid.
Cordelia: Oh my god. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Spike: We killed a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times. You know, he begged for mercy and you know that only made her bite harder.
Buffy: I guess you had to be there.

Buffy (to Spike): You're pathetic. You're not even a loser anymore. You're a shell of a loser.

Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.

Xander: Excuse me. I'm need to be both giving and receiving of mirth. Is it too much to ask for a little backup?

Xander: Look at her. Tears of a clown, baby. Or is it, grins of a sad person?

Cordelia (to Xander and Willow): No! No! No way! I wish us into bizarro land and you guys are still together? I cannot win!

Mrs. Rosenberg: Willow, you cut off your hair! That's a new look.
Willow: Yeah it's just a sudden whim I had, in August.

Xander: Oh man, it's Nazi Germany and I've got Playboys in my locker!

Willow: Mom, I'm not an age group. I'm me, Willow group.

Buffy: It's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.

Buffy: Cordelia, could you please give me a ride home?
Cordelia: Sure, but if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.

Buffy: Uh, what should we do with the trio here? Should we burn them?
Willow: I brought marshallows. (Everyone looks at her.) Occasionally I'm callous and strange.

Giles: Xander, I think in the future it would be best if you hung back to the rear of the battle, for your own sake.
Xander: But gee Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the stories I'll never be a good reporter!
Giles: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?
Giles: Sorry.

Cordelia (to Xander): Boy of all the humiliations you've had that I've witnessed, that was the latest.

Xander: I gotta learn an instrument! Is it hard to play guitar?
Oz: Not the way I play it.

Giles: The end of the world.
Buffy: Again?

Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact once, I dreamed that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Xander: Cordelia, feel free to drop dead of a wasing disease in the next twenty seconds.

Xander: Is anyone else intimidated? Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words "no way" written in crayon.
Oz: They're typing those now.

Cordelia: That's so cute! Planning life as a loser? Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge.
Xander: The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone, who incidentally won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own successful line of hookerwear.
Cordelia: Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but oh, my father has a job.
Xander: I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now, but don't think I don't have it, oh yes, it's time will come.

Buffy: New watcher?
Giles: New watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Windham Price. Very nice to meet you.
Buffy: Is he evil?

Wesley: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol.
Buffy: Vampires.
Wesley: Yes?
Buffy: Killed em.

Wesley: I didn't get this job because of my looks.
Buffy: I really really believe that.

Wesley: I don't want to bore you with details.
Buffy: A little bit late.

Wesley: You're not used to being given orders?
Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission he always says please, and afterwards I get a cookie.

Buffy: Wait! Stop! Think!
Faith: No, no, no!

Buffy: I had to lather, rinse, and repeat about 5 million times to get the sewer out of my hair, but otherwise, I'm of the good.

Wesley: Remember the three key words for any slayer. Preparation, preparation, preparation.
Buffy: That's one word three times.

Buffy (to Xander): How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name?

Buffy (to Wesley): Ah, speak of the really annoying person!

Giles (to Wesley): If you want to criticize my methods, fine, but you can keep your snide remarks to yourself, and while you're at it, don't criticize my methods.

Buffy: So he threatened you? With what?
Willow: Well, it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes.

Oz: Didn't figure you for missing school.
Willow: You think I'm boring.
Oz: I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Willow: Old Reliable? Yeah, great, there's a sexy nickname.
Buffy: I didn't mean it as a -
Willow: No, it's fine, I'm Old Reliable.
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: That's Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot?
Willow: That's Old Yeller.
Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me.

Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.

Willow: Okay, that's a little blacker than I like my arts.

Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?

Xander: Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here. Don't want to fall back on bad habits. Hands! Hands in new places!

Willow: That's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?

Buffy: Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation anytime soon?
Giles: Well, uh, something, something, uh, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the watcher's council let this guy go?

Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
Bartender: ID. (Pause.) ID.
Anya: I'm 1120 years old, just give me a friggin beer!!!
Bartender: ID.

Vampire: Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave, and nobody gets hurt. Angel: Why don't I believe him?
Oz: Well, he lacks credibility.

Willow: Oh right. Me and Oz play mistress of pain every night.
Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy: Oh, yeah.

Vamp Willow: We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
Willow: Would that mean we'd have to snuggle?

Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.

Cordelia: What? Do I have something on my neck?
Vamp Willow: Not yet.

Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend. Look at my outfit!