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The Freshman
Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes, first there's the painful nowning process.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for being unemployed?
Willow (about Xander): He's still on his cross-country see-America thing. He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Well, he seemed so determined.
Buffy: I can't wait til Mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it's a funny aneurism.
Riley: I don't meet that many freshman that know that much about psychology.
Willow: Well, it's fascinating!
Buffy: Yeah, you know, cause, everyone's got a brain. (Then, to herself) Or, almost everyone.
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I'm trying to cut way back.
Buffy: I think someone has just a little too much free time on their hands.
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No! Cause you're very very old, and, it's gross!
Buffy (to Giles): Okay, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a watcher?
Vampire: Uh, are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
Buffy: If it's still my room, shouldn't I be able to fit in it?
Buffy: You freak of nature! Why didn't you call me?
Xander: Well, I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure, and I didn't want to umm, you know, help you move.
Xander (about his summer): Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous Ladies Night Club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Sufficed to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything is exactly as it was, except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers.
Xander: No power on this earth.
Xander: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No wait hold on. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the darkside. Hold on, no, umm. First you get the women, then you get the money, then you - okay, can we forget that?
Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so - petty.
Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance?
Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
Xander: No, that was the Renaissance.
Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week.
Willow: How can you be so calm?!
Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice?
Living Conditions
Buffy (to Giles): Okay, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going "ish" from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.
Buffy: You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.
Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
Buffy (about Kathy): She's the Titanic! She's a crawling, black cancer! (She kicks a park bench, breaking it.) She's - other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
Willow: So Buffy's been right all along. Later on, big remorse.
The Harsh Light of Day
Buffy: We hung out, moderately incessantly.
Xander: I don't get your crazy system!
Giles: System? It's called the alphabet.
Xander: Huh. Would you look at that.
Anya: So, where is our relationship going?
Xander: Our what? Our who?
Anya: I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes in my dreams, you're all naked.
Xander: Really. You know, if I'm in the check-out line at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
Xander: Anya, slow down. In fact, come to a screeching halt.
Buffy: Harmony's a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection.
Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped, and frankly it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Fear, Itself
Xander: Got a treat for tomorrow night's second annual Halloween
screening. People, prepare to have your spines tingled and your gooses
bumped by the terrifying Fantasia. Fantasia?
Oz: Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippos
wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to.
Beer Bad
Willow: There are men, better men, wherein, the mind is stronger than the penis.
Xander (bellowing): Nothing can defeat the penis!
Buffy and Willow glare.
Xander: Too loud. Very unseemly.
Riley: You know, most people go around. I'm not saying you can't tunnel through me, I just think the other way's quicker.
Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness.
Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again!
Buffy: No. With four really smart guys.
Willow: Four? Oh. Ow.
Willow: He deserves a torturous and slow death by spiderbites. Well, for today, we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.
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