Dear Willow,

I wonder if you ever think of me now. I left like I should have I know that now. I left you happy with someone that loved you. I realize now how stupid I was to come back, why would I ever think you hadn�t found someone else to love? You are so special, you have so much life. It was silly of me to think that you would. . hold a place for me when I had left like I did. When I�d hurt you like I did.

I wandered around in the woods for days, after I dropped you off at the dorms that night. I just drove up to the redwoods and thought, thought about what I had done to you by leaving, what more I�d done by coming back. I know you love her, I�m happy that you�ve found that.

The first day when you weren�t there was like a dream, like I�d never come back and I could still have that hope that coming home to you, there would be the happy reunion I�d prayed for every day I was away. Every time I would meditate I�d imagine the soothing sound of your breathing and the smell of your hair. They kept me sane and helped me to gain control, it was all for you.

I can�t seem to feel emotions anymore, complete happiness is something that hasn�t been in my heart for years. I haven�t been unhappy, I never felt the pain. I don�t feel sadness, I don�t feel anguish or jealousy. Its almost like I�m past that, numb.

Don�t feel guilty, numbness is a happy experience. Its like finally having control after being on a roller coaster for years. I finally have control over my feelings, I choose to control them by not having them.

I�ve met someone else in this time, we were together and then broke up. I guess I�ve moved on, we have a little girl together. She has fiery red hair and her middle name is Willow. When I said I was numb, I suppose I had lied because she brings me a little glimpse of the happiness I once had with you.

I don�t know why I�m writing this, maybe because I feel guilty about never writing you before, calling. That was my mistake the first time I left, not making contact when you needed contact the most. Maybe things would be different if I hadn�t left you, I have a feeling they would have anyway.

Do you still hold that place that�s waiting for me? That�s a stupid question, but it had to be asked.

Please don�t let this letter upset you, I�m only writing it because having no communication with you is driving me crazy. I don�t need a response, just knowing that you�ll be holding this paper and thinking of me will be enough to sooth me until we someday meet in Istanbul.

Sincerely,

Daniel Osborne

P.S. There�s some great blue hair dye on the market these days.

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