Joseph Fiennes: 80%

Hate costume dramas? Well, this is the costume drama for you - strong on the bloodlust, power-lust and, well, lust-lust, and light on the teacakes and tinkling pianos. Joseph Fiennes gives a fantastic supporting performance as Lord Robert Dudley, and is perhaps even more gorgeous in doublet and hose in this film than he was in Shakespeare In Love. However, this is Cate Blanchett's film - she fully deserved the Oscar that went to a certain G. Paltrow - and it's her you'll be watching. Of course, you can always rewind it later for a few extra glimpses of Joe...

'A' level historians will be spotting a few historical inaccuracies, but it hardly seems to matter in this dark, fascinating, thoroughly modern film.

• Bonuses: Christopher Ecclestone as the scheming Duke of Norfolk. And Eric Cantona. If you like that sort of thing.