Edward Atterton 3%, Hugh Laurie 3%

Do not see this film if you have ever:

1. read the book
2. seen the original film
3. know even a smidgen regarding anything about French history

When the tailors went to see it we were nearly turfed out of the cinema for our constant splutterings of "That's so not true!" and derisive laughter. Arts graduates can know too much for their own good sometimes I suppose, but the historical advisor to this film must have bought the Ladybird book of France for their in-depth study. Actually, that's a slur on Ladybird books.

Basically Leonardo di Capricious gets to act his little heart out playing both the evil and good twin princes. The evil one gets the good one locked up in an iron mask to disguise his identity, and D'Artagnan and the three musketeers sort it all out.

Even the undoubted talents of Gabriel Byrne (sigh) and John Malkovitch can't do anything in face of the appalling script. Gerald Depardieu seems to think he's in Carry On Through the Seventeenth Century and is hilarious. At one point one of the musketeers witters on about how "everyone has a passion". He goes on about each of the musketeers in turn, pointing out religion, music etc. When confronted by Depardieu who has spent the majority of the film eating, drinking and shagging he ends with a feeble "And Porthos has his love of life".

Things perked up with Hugh Laurie playing an advisor to the king. Another bonus was when the tailors recognised the lovely Edward Atterton in the role of guard. He had a character name of Lieutenant Andre (tres sexy) and even got the best line in the film, exclaiming "What magnificent valour!" as the old warhorses of D'Artagnan etc. hurtled forward for a fight. It had us in stitches. It's such a fleeting appearance though that you're best off with a copy of True Blue rather than sit through this drivel.