Demonic Fox Kurama Proudly Presents: "Armand"

This one's a ridiculous encounter between Armand and Aaron Kwok...whatever!!!! I did it after finishing the "Vampire Armand" and as usual it is in the Demonic Fox's humourous style, so expect nothing conventional, and expect nothing serious.

Vampire Boy: *thinking* The streets of this rustic village have always had a quaint charm to me. I always have enjoyed the light fall of the rain on my shoulders. It is almost as sensual as a maiden's breath coursing through every pore of my body. This evening I thirst, I seek the tender morsel of a vibrant mortal, with warm writhing flesh and a taut muscular body....mmmmmmm.....bloood.....*phlegm noise*

As the vampire continues to fantasize about blood, a la Buttpo with Takashi Sorimachi *phlegm noise*, a "strong" silent figure approaches... (psst: the phlegm noise is the same one Homer Simpson makes when he fantasizes about what he likes)

Aaron: You vampire....open mouth, I no can see fangs....I Striding Cloud, I seek fight strong challenger to restore honour to dishonoured family. You have courage fight STRIDING CLOUD, I big strong man!!!!

Vamp: Actually, you're not that much taller than me, and I'm only 5'6". Striding Cloud eh, you can call me ARMAND.

Aaron: SEXY VAMPIRE ARMAND, take this...(runs towards him fist first and blindly attacks)...ai yah yah yah yah......Come on'.....Generation Next!!!

Armand: (is unhurt, but nonetheless barely dodges Aaron blind attacks on account of his skilled dancing) THOSE ARE NOT THE MOVES OF A WARRIOR....they are more like the moves of a Las Vegas show girl!!!

Aaron: Okay, okay, I tell you big lie, I no Striding Cloud, I Aaron Kwok, what you call Famous Chinese-rock-superstar...you like autograph?

Armand: NOT REALLY, Why do you disturb me Mr. Kwok, I thirst, I'd like to be left alone right now.

Aaron: You need some GAYtorade?

Armand: That's not what I meant fool, I need blood!!!

Aaron: Why you not say so, you go take some of mine!!! (provocatively exposes his neck)

Armand: *shudders* I am in search of a DECENT victim....you hardly fit my expectations.

Aaron: I no qualify as decent victim.....I good looking, I good dancer, and I also actor and singer.....I PERFECT for GAYSTICK vampire like you!!!

Armand: *dryly* I noticed you didn't say you were a "good" actor or singer....hmmmmmm....

Aaron: Well Chinese gov't pay me to act and sing....people want see me cause I good looking...what I am, some slab of meat?! OOOh you like that one don't you!!! (does provocative "TMR type" pose) I know you want me, but you no can have me!!

Armand: *gags* WHO'D WANT YOU!!! Why do you proceed to act as if you know me, fool?

Aaron: I buy Chinese edition of autobiography "Vampire Armand" is good "tell-all" book, so now I know everything about you...na na!!!

Armand: D'OHHHHHHH!!!!!

Aaron: When I read book, you remind me of friend/rival Ekin because he have multiple names too.

Armand: Pardon me?

Aaron: You know multiple name: First you be call Andrei, next name is Amadeo, and now you think you cool and call yourself Armand.....you stupid, why no pick cool name like *ting tong accent* AARON!!!!!

Armand: So I have a stupid sounding name, what does that have to do with your friend...was it Edmund?!

Aaron: No, EKIN....you no have good ears. You need Q-tip? Well Ekin have many names too, he name Dior, Noelle, Ekin, and Chinese name Cheng Y-ekin. I have Chinese name too: Kwok Fu-Shing....so you probably jealous because you stuck with stupid gay names.

Armand: Armand may sound kind of gay, but I actually am pleased with it *mimicking ting tong accent* AARON!!!! And as for Amadeo, my love and creator Marius gave it to me. Though I do not use it presently, it still means the world to me.

Aaron: I feel sorry for creator Master Marius because he have to put up with loser like you, who no like my charms.....I once try to audition for part of Marius in musical Les Miz, your book inspire me to be like Marius because rich man with lot of sexy boy slaves.

Armand: *his face is turning red* Excuse me, when I one of his slaves, he wanted ME not the other way around. BESIDES, he gave me cool clothes and great food, and he was the kind of lover you'd never be!!!

Aaron: How you know until you try....want find out?

Armand: Not particularly, I doubt my that apetite can stomach you.

Aaron: YOU hurt feelings!!! Wahhhhh!!!!

Armand: You're breaking my heart...stop TRYING to cry!!!

Aaron: Hey, I trying, I dancer, not actor!!!

Armand: Get out of here before I kill you!!!!

Aaron: You no want kill me I good looking!!! You also good looking *wink*....may be we can get groove on...I make big plans with you!!!

Armand: You're not making any sense, WHAT PLANS!!!! I don't even know you!!!!

Aaron: Okay, okay, I tell you real truth why I come to you.....Ekin is musical rival, and he beginning to get many fans who tell him he sexy, while I lose many fans because of my bad acting, and singing, especially in last movie. I want you me vampire so I never get old!! I want learn good English, and learn how singing right and act as good as Jean Claude Van Damme. I want be rich and famous and live with many sexy men slaves forever like that Marius guy. May be I meet other young sexy curly red-head guy who want come live with me....good plan eh?!

Armand: Sexy curly red-haired guy.....wait a second.....Absolutely not!!!!! I don't want to live with you and I don't make vampires!!!!!

Aaron: I no u'nnerstand....

Armand: Listen, I don't make vampires out of the ones I love, more so out of the mortals I hate....you falling into the latter category.

Aaron: I still no u'nnerstand if you insult or say good thing, but I make you good deal, if you make me vampire, I dance for you then sing love song from latest cd with two different covers....I even seranade you by moonlight, if you prefer!

Armand: Uggh...you're making me sick....alright, I'll make you a vampire, just promise to leave me alone!!!!

Aaron: Okay, just introduce me to your many sexy boyfriend, okay.

Armand: *smiles conspiratorily* You've read my book, remember a guy named "Lestat" I'll introduce you to him....*thinks to himself* perfect, I'll introduce one annoying twit to another, and I'll be free to pursue Marius on my own!!! Ha Ha Ha!!!

Aaron: Why you laugh out loud like evil person, Lestat cutie....but you much cuter, I WANT YOU!!!!

Armand: *thinking* BUT I WANT MARIUS!!! LEMME ALONE YOU JERK!!!! *aloud* Okay, you can have me but I've got to go now so just wait here until the SUN comes up and then I'LL make you a vampire.

Aaron: Okay you probably prettier in DAYLIGHT anyway.....I no can wait 'till I see you. *blows him a kiss*

Armand: *shudders*

Time passes until it's 12'O clock noon, and Aaron is sitting on a park bench still waiting for Armand.

Aaron: Wait a second....vampires can no stay out in daylight!!!! I be tricked!!!!!! *rips off his shirt, stands in wading pool under one of those kiddy sprinkler things* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY I SOOOOO STTTUUUUUPPPIIIIDDDD!!!! EEEEKKKIIINNN YOU PAY FOR THIS!!!!!

Okay, cheesy ending...the reference is a scene in Stormriders, where he stands under a waterfall and wails: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoyed!!!