Long Ago
Vocal: Narrator and The Muses
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
[Narrator:]
Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece
there was a golden age of powerful gods extraordinary heroes
and greatest and strongest of all these Heroes was the mighty Hercules.
But what is the measure of a true hero? Now, that is what our story ...
[Muses:]
Will you listen to him?
He's making the story sound like some Greek tragedy.
Lighten up, dude.
We'll take it from here, darling.
[Narrator:]
You go, girls ...
[Muses:]
We are the muses.
Goddesses of the arts
and proclaimers of heroes.
Heroes like Hercules.
Honey, you mean Hercules!
I'd like to make some sweet music of it
Our story actually begins long before Hercules
Many Aeons ago ...
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The Gospel Truth I
Vocal: The Muses
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
Back when the world was new
The planet Earth was down on its luck
And everywhere gigantic brutes
called Titans ran amok
It was a nasty place
There was a mess
whereever you stepped
Where chaos reigned and
earthquakes and volcanoes never slept
And then along came Zeus
He hurled his thunderbolt
He zapped
Locked those suckers in a vault
They're trapped
And on his own stopped
chaos in its tracks
And that's the gospel truth
The guy was too type A to just relax
And that's the world's first dish
Zeus tamed the globe
while still in his youth
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble
That's the gospel truth
On Mt. Olympus life was neat and
Smooth as sweet vermough
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble
That's the gospel truth
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The Gospel Truth II
Vocal: Chorus and Muse (Roz Ryan)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
If there's one God you don't want to get steamed up
It's Hades, cause he had an evil ?
He ran the Underworld
But thought the dead were dull and uncouth
He was as mean as he was ruthless
And that's the gospel truth
He had a plan to shake things up
And that's the gospel truth
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The Gospel Truth III
Vocal: The Muses
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
Young Herc was mortal now
But since he did not drink the last drop
He still retained his godlike strength
So thank his lucky star
But Zeus and Hera wept
Because their son could never come home
They'd have to watch their precious baby
Grow up from afar
Though Hades horrid plan
Was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth
The boy grew stronger ev'ry day and
That's the gospel truth
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Go the Distance
Vocal: Hercules (Roger Bart)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
I have often dreamed
Of a far-off place
Where a great warm welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mild
Will be worth my while
I would go most anywhere
to feel like I belong
I am on my way
I can go the distance
I don't care how far
Somehow I'll be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
I would go most anywhere
to find where I belong
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Go the Distance (Reprise)
Vocal: Hercules (Roger Bart)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
I will beat the odds
I can go the distance
I will face the world
Fearless, proud and strong
I will please the gods
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Right where I belong
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One Last Hope
Vocal: Phil (Danny DeVito)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
So, ya wanna be a hero, kid?
Well, whoop-de-do!
I have been around the block before
With blockheads just like you
Each and ev'ryone a disappointment
Pain for which there ain't no ointment
So much for excuses
Though a kid of Zeus is
Asking me to jump into the fray
My answer is two words -
O.K.
You win
Oh gods
Oy vay!
I'd given up hope that someone would come along
A fellow who'd ring the bell for once
Not the gong
The kind who wins trophies
Won't settle for low fees
At least semi-pro fees
But no - I get the greenhorn
I've been out to pasture pal, my ambition gone
Content to spend lazy days and to graze my lawn
But you need an advisor
A satyr, but wiser
A good merchandiser
And oohh!
There goes my ulcer!
I'm down to one last hope
And I hope it's you
Though, kid, you're not exactly
A dream come true
I've trained enough turkeys
Who never came through
You're my one last hope
So you'll have to do
Demigods have faced the odds
And ended up a mockery
Don't believe the stories
That you read on all the crockery
To be a true hero, kid, is a dying art
Like painting a masterpiece, it's a work of heart
It takes more than sinew
Comes down to what's in you
You have to continue to grow
Now that's more like it!
I'm down to one last shoot
And my last high note
Before that blasted Underworld
Gets my goat
My dreams are on you, kid
Go make 'em come true
Climb that uphil slope
Keep pushing that envelope
You're my one last hope
And, kid, it's up to you
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Zero to Hero
Vocal: The Muses and Chorus
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
Bless my soul
Herc was on a roll
Person of the week in evry Greek opinion poll
What a pro
Herc could stop a show
Point him at a monster and you're talking SRO
He was a no one
A zero, zero
Now he's a honcho
He's a hero
Here was a kid with his act down pat
From zero to hero in no time flat
Zero to hero just like that
When he smiled
The girls went wild with
oohs and aahs
And they slapped his face
On ev'ry vase
(on ev'ry "vahse")
From appearance fees and royalties
Our Herc had cash to burn
Now nouveau riche and famous
He could tell you
What's a Grecian urn?
Say amen
There he goes again
Sweet and undefeated
And an awesome 10 for 10
Folks lined up
Just to watch him flex
And this perfect package
packed a pair of pretty pecs
Hercie, he comes
He sees, he conquers
Honey, the crowds were
Going bonkers
He showed the moxie brains, and spunk
From zero to hero a major hunk
Zero to hero and who'da thunk
Who put the glad in gladiator?
Hercules!
Whose daring deeds are great theater?
Hercules
Is he bold?
No one braver
Is he sweet
Our fav'rite flavor
Hercules, Hercules ...
Bless my soul
Herc was on a roll
Undefeated
Riding high
And the nicest guy
not conceited
He was a nothin'
A zero, zero
Now he's a honcho
He's a hero
He hit the heights at breackneck speed
From zero to hero
Herc is a hero
Now he's a hero
Yes indeed!
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I Won't Say (I'm in Love)
Vocal: Meg (Susan Egan)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
[Meg:]
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
[Muses:]
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
[Meg:]
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
[Muses:]
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
[Meg:]
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
[Muses:]
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
[Meg:]
No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no
[Muses:]
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
[Meg:]
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
[Muses:]
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
[Meg:]
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
[Muses:]
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love
[Meg:]
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
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A Star is Born
Vocal: The Muses and Chorus
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel
Gonna shout it from the mountaintops
A star is born
It's a time for pulling out the stops
A star is born
Honey, hit us with a hallelu
The kid came shining through
Girl, sing the song
Come blow your horn
A star is born
He's a hero who can please the crowd
A star is born
Come on ev'rybody shout out loud
A star is born
Just remember in the darkest hour
Within your heart's the power
For making you
A hero too
So don't lose hope when you're forlorn
Just keep your eyes upon the skies
Ev'ry night a star is
Right in sight a star is
Burning bright a star is born
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