Serves Me Right

A look inside the mind of a Gundam Pilot

What the hell were you thinking?
I told you to stay behind.
Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl.
Whenever you put yourself in the cockpit of a mobile suit, you end up
doing something stupid. Like screwing up my missions. Like getting yourself
fired.
Like getting yourself killed.
Serves you right. It's your fault for trying to get close to me. Anyone
who's stupid enough to get close to me dies.
Because I control death.
I am Death.
I was raised in a world of plague. I was a virus that tore around the
streets of a poor colony, stealing and raiding and causing trouble. I was the
corrupter of a group of innocent children, their leader, the one who led them
to destruction.
It was Solo's fault, that cocky little boy. He made me what I am.
Death.
I'll bet he's watching me right now, and smiling.
No.
Solo was a kind boy. He wouldn't smile now. Unless it was at me, for
being right.
Right about how stupid Hirde was.
Serves her right.
But it wasn't Solo's fault. It was my fault.
Sort of.
..........
Damn, the others are being so quiet.
That's your fault too.
Your fault for being so f--king nice!
Why'd I hafta pick THAT as a dual personality? The good guy, the perky
guy, the damn comic relief! I'd rather be Heero than the f--king comic relief!
The others laugh at me. At my skills, which are equal to, IF NOT BETTER
THAN theirs! I always kick royal a-s in the cockpit of my beloved D-Hell. So
excuuuuuuuse me if I have to hide myself to win. Stealth is my hobby, buddies.
It's the only one appropriate for the Shinigami.
And guess what? I'm even better on my feet than in a cockpit.
Give me a gun, Heero. You know what I can do. You've felt it
yourself. Ha!
Give me a knife, Trowa; believe me, I'm better than that screwed-up
sister of yours! I never miss. Ever.
What about some rich-man's poison, Quatre? Why don't you ask the old
colony delegates from good, old L2? Oh, right...
They're all DEAD!
And Wu-man? Sure, those hands are lethal weapons, but can YOU choose your
bar stool? Do YOU have any street experience? Have YOU ever really KILLED
anybody like that?
Heh. Didn't think so.
...........
S--t.
What am I doing bragging about this?
The other pilots have every right to laugh. I'm an anarch, not a soldier.
I'm not an anarch. I'm Death.
I'm silent.
Or at least I should be.
And that girl wanted it. She wanted to be my next victim. She asked me
for it when she interrupted my soliloquizing with her stupid soldier-sheep
philosophy. She begged for it when she let me live with her. And she freakin'
sealed it with a f-cking kiss when she said she wanted me to join the White
Fang like all the other mindless sheep! Like Zechs, the most mindless sheep
of them all. It's in the blood, I swear.
His sister's even worse.
The sad thing is, I'm supposed to tell the others that she's on Libra.
On Libra? Sh-t, it sounds like a drug.
Come to think of it, so does Epyon.
Hmm. "Heero's on Epyon. The high he gets from the ZERO system keeps him
up. But Damn! the hallucinations are a b-tch!"
Yep. It's a drug all right.
I remember when that a--hole Trant put me on the system. I saw Death.
And no, I don't mean me.
It was like all the deaths I was responsible for were coming back at me.
Like Solo, and those colony delegate bastards, and all the soldiers I killed
on the streets.
And the Father and Sister.
May their god have mercy on their souls.
My god sure as hell didn't.
Anyway, on ZERO I really felt like the Shinigami. I felt like I could
pick all the people who deserved to die and put them in a row in front of
D-Hell. Then *SWOOP!* I'd slash at them with the good old scythe and it'd all
be over. One slash would be all it took. And s--t! it would be fun!
But the sad thing is, the people I saw...
Heero.
And the others. Even Quatre, innocent that he is.
And Hirde. Stupid girl.
And myself. But that was no surprise.
That's the difference between me and the others. They've killed.
I've murdered.
I kill because I want to, not because I have to.
Whenever Heero or Trowa goes after somebody, they're being told to do it
by the higher-ups. Same thing with Wufei and his "Victoria Nightmare". Quatre
only kills in battle, except for that whole colony thing.
But he was "under the influence". It's forgivable. By his Allah, anyway.
If he were brought to me for justice, I wouldn't forgive him. No, sireee!
I'd say, "it's your fault for going on the system in the first place. You
break it; you buy it. In this case, You build it; you're screwed! Ya reap
whatcha sow, doncha know!!"
Straight from the mouth of the grim reaper himself.
Hey, if you reap what you sow, where am I headed?
Oh yeah.
Hell.
Right.
After all the people I sent to Hell, the'd probably be afraid I'd take
over. Employee of the month!
Are you proud, Shinigami?
Oh, Yes I Am.
...........
But not about this one.
...........
She was only trying to help you, Duo. All she wanted was to help you. And
you spit right into her f--king face. She loves you, Duo.
No.....
She wants to fight beside you. But you won't let her.
....No....
Why? Is it because you're evil?
....No.....
Because you're weak?!
...No!....
Then why is it?
........
I know why.
.......why......
Because anyone stupid enough to get near you dies.
....anyone stupid enough to get near me....
Dies.
.....dies....
Oh, don't cry, my little Duo. You never have before. The Shinigami
doesn't cry.
......the Shinigami.....
Say it.
.....doesn't.....
Say IT......cry! I won't cry now. I'm right. She deserved it. But I'm not
proud. After all, she was just a stupid girl.
Stupid girl. Stupid, STUPID GIRL!!!
SERVES YOU RIGHT!!!!

"Duo? We can't let the data she brought us go to waste."

Stupid girl.....
.............
.....I love you.

"Yeah."

Serves me right.