New Paisley TV Station Launched....PBC1

It has been increasingly obvious that the television viewing schedule requirements of people from Paisley are somewhat different from those of the rest of Scotland. As a result, a new TV channel has been announced to specifically satisfy those unique needs.

Television viewers in Paisley will receive new service, the Paisley Broadcasting Corporation (PBC). They will make and broadcast programmes that are tailored to inform and entertain the people of Paisley. The service is designed to be enjoyed by viewing through the security meshing of electrical shops.


Don't forget, Parents, whilst you're sleeping off Friday evening's destructive abuse, Young Slasher should be more than happy with our Saturday Morning Feast of Violence & Crime

Hi, I'm Norm, please don't get the impression that I'm from Paisley. I'm respectable and I've been drafted in to set this TV thing up, I'll be outa here before you can say "St Mirren Chokers".


TOP STORY

HEADLINER To Launch PBC1:- "Four Junkies and a Rent-Boy"
A Docu-Drama plotting the stories of 5 St Mirren hopefuls as they float to the top.... Coming Soon, as are most of Steve McGarry's clients.

Todays Listings....
 


9:00 am Smackanory
Introduce your children into Paisley's drug culture with enchanting tales of heroin induced adventure.

9:30 am News
Catch up with the latest, muggings, stabbings and shootings in your neighbourhood before heading off to Court, to sign on, or to do your Community Service Order.
10:00 am Watchdog
Consumer Affairs programme. We make sure you're buying real drugs and not just talcum powder. Find out which Pusher in your area sells the best drugs, and how much he's charging. If you're going out, don't forget to set your stolen Video Recorder for this one!
10:30 am Holiday Swaps
A local family get the holiday of a lifetime and a chance to escape from the troubles and stresses of living in Paisley, when they swap their house for two weeks with a Serbian family from Kosovo.
11:00 am Can't Cook, Won't Cook
Are you hopeless at cooking up a shot? Tune in and the experts will show you how!
12:00 pm TeleJunkies
Time for the toddlers to enjoy the playful antics of those loveable characters, Smacky-Cracky, Tipsy, GaGa and Blow.
12:30 pm Time Team
Archaeologists dig up skeletons in Paisley from hundreds of years ago, and then try to figure out how they were murdered.
1:30 pm Blind Hate
Ordinary Paisley folk discuss their thoughts and feelings about those who are lucky enough to live in a more pleasant and prosperous area like Greenock.
2:30 pm FILM : Jaws.
A Loan Shark in Glenburn terrorises the local community.
4.30 pm Junkie's Paradise
Our very own soap set in suburban Paisley, recounting the adventures in the lives and struggles of ordinary everyday pimps, pushers, neds and junkies
5:00 pm News
Summary of the casualties and victims of Paisley violence in the last 24 hours.
6:00 pm Crimewatch Paisley
We ask the public to help us identify those who ruin the lives of ordinary Paisley folk. With your help we can help identify those who inform the Police. Help us by calling our special number 0800-NARKLINE.
7:00 pm Top Gear
We test all the new drugs for you, as and when they hit the streets.
7:30 pm Top of the Pops
This week's sounds from the Paisley hit parade including
  • "Smack my Bitch Up" The Prodigy,
  • "Gangster Tripping" Fat Boy Slim,
  • "Get High With Me" Mark Morrison, and
  • "The Drugs Don't Work" The Verve.
    See item on Paisley Boy-Band "Low-Life" below.......
    8:30 pm Men Behaving Badly
    Fly-on-the-wall documentary series about typical St Mirren fans.
    9:00 pm FILM : Speed.
    The terrifying story of a crazed psychopath who hijacks the Foxbar-Causeyside St bus, and steals all the passengers' amphetamine stash.
    11:00 pm Late Night Boxing.
    The highlights of all the best fights from the Accident & Emergency Units in Paisley.

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      Who really gives a toss about what the storyline is about anyway?  
     

    		 
         
     

    		 
    		  
     

    Local Boy Band On Tour
    Go behind the scenes with our exclusive backstage footage and interviews with Low-Life! Watch live as the lads display their talents picked up on the streets of Paisley.

  • Wheelbrace taxi-drivers
  • Mug old ladies
  • Urinate on stolen electrical equipment
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    Join in the hilarious new Gameshow
    "Smack The Missus"
    Your chance to win a fortnight in Giffnock, kicking the shite out of women you don't even know

    		  
         
      Look out for Junkie's Paradise
    Stuff Coronation Street, EastEnders & Brookie - Our new soap analyses ALL the Local Issues. Cameo appearance by Fat-Boy Lavety in the first episode.     		 
     

    		 
      Crystal Maze - Paisley Style
    Look on as an intrepid band of challengers try a weekly pub-crawl around the town. BUT If they get caught by the local mutants, the punishment can be severe.    		  
     
      Goin' down to Feegie, With mah stash hidden in mah coat
    Goin' down to Feegie, to snort mah brother's coke....
    Playful cartoon fun at Feegie Park....