If you choose to travel along a Pagan path, you will enter a culture that is most likely quite different from the one you grew up in. Here are some pointers to help avoid uncomfortable moments as you go. These guidelines were written with the Seattle Pagan Community in mind:; things elsewhere may be different. At Public Events 1. Be sure you know how a group you are working with expects you to behave in sacred space. In a Wiccan circle, for example, once the circle is cast it may only be left a) once it is taken down, b) if someone else "gates" you out (or if you gate yourself out once you learn how; if you do, please let a ritualist know you are doing so); or c) in some traditions, if you are a virgin. Generally speaking, people should not leave circle unless it is some sort of an emergency. In this case, inform a ritualist of the emergency. These guidelines are usually explained prior to the ritual; if not, ask before the ritual starts. 2. If you are participating in or observing a ritual, focus your attention on it. As a rule, you should not speak out of turn. There is usually a time for casual socializing either before or after a rite, or in some cases during it. 3. Should you find yourself taking a child into circle, be aware that you are responsible for that child's actions. If he or she will not either pay attention or amuse him/herself quietly, remove him/her from the ritual space. If you are attending a ritual for the first time, be sure it's OK to bring kids. Some groups don't allow children for various reasons, and some rites may not be appropriate for them. If you have kids, keep your eyes open for child-friendly events. They DO exist! 4. If you are not comfortable participating in a circle dance, chant, or other activity, that's fine; step out of the dancers' way or stand quietly during the chant. It is considered very rude to stand at the edge of the room outside the edge of the circle of participants, so have the courtesy to stand or sit with the others in the circle, even if you do nothing else. No responsible ritualists will force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you find that you're really uncomfortable with being in the circle, ask to be gated out. 5. Do not take energy from a person or ritual without explicit permission. Different people/rituals raise very different kinds of energy. Recharging yourself from a convenient person/ritual can have negative results depending on the type of energy raised. If you feel run down on an astral level, practice grounding, get some food, sleep and exercise, and lay off the energy work for awhile-- you'll feel better. Taking energy from other individuals in general is a bad idea--"psychic vampires" aren't very popular. Always ask permission to give energy to someone who seems run-down, or take if from someone if you are. This question is OK to ask! (In some cases it is OK to take a little energy from the ritual. If this is so, you will be encouraged to do so, and, in a well-run circle, instructed how to do so.) 6. If you are in a group of magically trained people, it's usually best not to manipulate energy in the form of balls, strands, webs, short-lived elementals, etc. unless the entire group is working on such things. Sitting around generating random energy thingys for no good reason makes people look at you funny, and it can wear you out if you're still learning how to ground. 7. Usually public events have a site fee. It may not be obvious when you enter the site who should get the money; ask until you find someone who's in charge of taking it. Remember, Pagans don't have paid clergy, and if those attending the ritual don't pitch in for space rental, cakes and ale, and fliers, it comes out of the ritualists' pockets. On the other hand, if you really can't afford to pay, it is reasonable to ask to help clean up or something in exchange for attending. 8. If you're going to an event where there will be a potluck, it's considerate (and ecologically responsible!) to bring your own reusable eating ware. Buying lots of disposables for a ritual not only causes the host group to jack up the site fee to cover expenses, it creates lots of waste that will sit in a landfill for a very, very long time. Also, if at all possible, don't make your potluck contribution a bag of chips you grab at the supermarket on your way to the rite. Energy work can be very draining, and it's important to have plenty of substantial food available. 9. If you are drunk, stoned, or on strong prescription drugs, you do not belong in circle. These things can disrupt your energy pattern and interfere with circle work. The exception to this is if you need to take prescription medicine to regulate your mood or personality. The point here is, if you're high (on ANYTHING), don't go into circle. You may also consider whether or not you belong in circle if you are very emotionally aroused (e.g., really pissed off at someone), since group work assumes everyone is in a fairly neutral headspace. Working with a Group 1. If you want to see how a particular group works, contact them to find out the procedure for visiting one of their events. Some groups require sponsorship for guests. If you are working with a group and would like to bring a guest, check with group leaders to be sure it's OK. (Prospective guests would do well to be sure their sponsor has OK'd them before going--particularly in small group settings like Wiccan covens.) 2. Try to contribute to the needs of the group by bringing a potluck dish, materials like candles or whatever, etc. Some groups expect you to do so, some do not. Check ahead. Groups vary in their arrangements; if you decide to join one or work with one regularly, you may be expected to host meetings on a rotational basis, prepare ritual space, serve a meal to guests, clean up the meeting space, contribute time, money or materials to events, etc. It is wise to check these responsibilities before committing yourself to a group! 3. Check with your group to learn proper protocol for identifying members, discussing group business with non-members, etc. Some are very secretive about membership, locations of rituals, etc. in order to avoid persecution. Never, ever give away names or contact phone numbers or addresses of members in the group without their express permission on a case by case basis. Even if the group is casual about public identification, there's nothing worse than being plagued by a pest who got hold of your phone number and wants to know how to banish the demon they've summoned at 2am. 4. It is polite and helpful to label all contributions to your Book of Shadows or its equivalent for any path you wish to pursue. This avoids confusion over who made up what chant or ritual, etc.

Touchy-Feely 1. It is best not to touch any other magically trained person without their permission. As part of training one develops a certain energy "signature" about them, and untrained folks can drive a "sensitive" crazy with their erratic signatures. This is particularly true in a group working situation where it is not usually appropriate to remain energically "shielded" from others. You can never tell if your signature will be attractive or repulsive to any given person, and trained people are usually pretty good at detecting the kinds of auras they enjoy hanging out with and those they don't. Touch can amplify a signature, and for this reason touching without their permission is a bad idea. (One possible exception is holding hands in open community rituals, for a spiral dance or similar.) People who give backrubs without asking first may find themselves being avoided (and incidentally, asking if someone would like a backrub is a pretty good way to find out if it's OK to touch them). The same goes for hugging. If you don't know anyone at an event you're visiting, don't hug folks just because they're hugging each other. Assess the situation carefully to gauge how appropriate touching may be. And don't be afraid to say no if someone who makes your hair stand on end comes after you. 2. It is extremely rude to touch any ritual tools, jewelry or other gear without asking the owner for permission first. Tools are specifically "charged" with their owner's energy, and other people touching them can interfere with the charge. It's perfectly OK to examine an altar or tool with your eyes, and folks appreciate flattering comments or questions about their tools or setup. If you make a comment about someone's ritual tool, they may offer to let you inspect it more carefully. Treat the tool with respect if you handle it. It's also OK to ask someone if you can pick up or otherwise handle a tool; bear in mind that it's OK for them to say no, and don't be offended. 3. Neo-Pagans have dramatically different sexual standards than most "main stream" folks. In the Seattle area, the Neo-Pagan/Magickal communities have a lot of overlap with Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual communities, s/m and leather groups, and folks who practice polyfidelity. The variations are infinite. As a general rule, if it's between two (or more) consenting adults and does not involve illegal activity of any kind, then it's nobody's business to criticize. On the other hand, being a member of any of the aforementioned groups is not a prerequisite to be Neo-Pagan or a Magician. (Some very specific groups do incorporate certain sexual practices in their work, and as such may discriminate on basis of sexual orientation or practice. Probably if you don't fit their prerequisites, you're not interested anyway.) Being a Neo-Pagan/Magician is NOT an excuse to have unprotected, irresponsible, or abusive sex, or to be the victim of any of these. Use common sense; say no if you need to. If someone does not respect your will in matters sexual, treat them as you would any other sex offender. The relative sexual freedom in the Pagan/Magickal communities is also not license to pet, fondle or stroke anyone you find attractive. Folks who continuously grope will find themselves asked to leave events. 4. Some Neo-Pagan/Magickal groups use nudity in their work. Most "mainstream" folks don't respond well to nudity among strangers, so it's understood that you may need to take your time getting used to the idea before participating in any such rituals. Responsible groups and ritualists are very sensitive to issues surrounding nudity, and will make it optional or separate. Nudity in a ritual context is almost never sexual. There are a few exceptions that usually have to do with small groups who know each other well or magical orders who make such requirements clear at the outset. If you find yourself in a ritual situation of any kind where suddenly it becomes apparent that you are expected to participate in sex and you weren't warned beforehand, leave. Quickly. Don't go back, and spread the word so others avoid the group. 5. At Neo-Pagan festivals you are likely to encounter the Aphrodite or Pan Shrine. These spaces are specifically set aside for sexual celebration and worship of these deity archetypes. They should be stocked with condoms, dental dams and a cozy place to frolic. Layouts differ; in some cases you may have to wait your turn to use a small space, in some there may several semi-private spaces for use at any one time. It's OK to go alone, but if others are there, respect their privacy, and feel free to accept or decline an invitation for you to join them. It's not place to hang out to indulge in voyeuristic tendencies or otherwise gawk, chat, or be distracting to worshippers. The shrine is a sacred space dedicated to worship, and as such your behavior within it should be properly respectful. 6. At festivals, nudity is not uncommon and bathing and toilet areas are usually co-ed. Privacy is what you make of it; you may need to bring a tent or RV, or you may be staying with others in cabins or other structures. If there is swimming or hot-tubbing, nudity will probably be the norm (some request that you not wear bathing suits into hot tubs so as not to foul up the filtration).

In General... Do not share energy with someone else without their permission. They may not want it. For some traditions and groups, this rule is extended to include not doing energy work for anyone who hasn't specifically requested it. The idea is that if you weren't looking for the energy, you might receive it badly. If someone isn't wanting or expecting energy from you, it can manifest in the form of a headache, loss of concentration, confusion, or other things based on your intent and their receptive ability. It is always a possible intrusion on someone's free will to work energy for their benefit (and certainly to work it to their detriment) without their request. Even when doing seemingly benign healing work, you must consider carefully if what you are doing is in a person's best interest or in accordance with their will.