Many great people have brought light into our lives, but none like the famous Ben Franklin.  He was considered a genius by many. I mean, honestly, how many superior minds out there would really think to take their kite out in the middle of a lightning storm and fly it around until it gets struck?  No, that was exceptionally sharp and creative thinking.  Not many people over the age of ten would have been able to think that concept up.  But, while I may forever live in darkness about how his ultra-intelligent mind operated, at least now I have the ability to identify each and every object I’m constantly stumbling over, bumping into, or stubbing my toe on when I get out of bed for a snack at one or two o’clock in the morning.  Which is great because it allows for more direct and personal cursing, as opposed to the general curse of everything in the room.  Just think, before Ben Franklin, this information remained a mystery to even the keenest of minds.  In fact, up until recently, I haven’t been able to find flaw in what we, in the 21st century, like to call “light.” (That is, unless you count those times when you’re sound asleep and out of no where, a light comes screaming on and you’re jolted into a rude awakening. Then, when you close your eyes again, you see nothing but orange polka dots for the next fifteen minutes.)  But that’s a minor inconvenience.  In most cases, it can be resolved by sleeping with a large pillow over your face.  The only side effect may be suffocation, which has been reported on rare occasions.  No, the current problem is one of much greater magnitude and deserves immediate attention.  Why?  Because the problem is in California.  And, whatever happens in California will eventually happen to the rest of the United States.  There has been consistent proof of this to be true: El Niño, backwards hats, Pamela Anderson, etc.
 Unless our nation wants to forever live in wonder of what they jammed their finger on while groping for the snooze button, we must ban together to STOP THE CALIFORNIA BLACKOUTS!
 News headlines state repeatedly that the massive power outages in California are due to the new deregulation laws passed.  Officials and supporters of the deregulation laws insist that deregulation “does work”.  To the average layperson, these two statements seem to coincide perfectly.  But it sounded a bit fishy to me.  So, overwhelmed by inspiration, I decided to execute my own investigation of the issue.  After only minutes of extensive and exhaustive research, I’ve come to the conclusion that the government is to blame.  Sounds obvious, of course, but I’ve actually compiled a list of evidence behind that allegation.  Unfortunately, that evidence is unavailable, because, as I began to type up the list, my power was shut off.  It was only for a few seconds, but when the lights flickered back on, the list was missing (proving my theory?).
 After all is said and done, however, the objective is not to assign blame, but to remedy the problem before it reaches past the Rockies.  How can we make up for power shortages?  The solution is an easy one…It came from my ten-year-old next door neighbor, who always seemed rather annoying, but after presenting his idea, is obviously gifted.  The plan consists of taking up a collection of all of our kites, and donating them to the power companies that are charging us a flat rate of $200 to pop a bag of popcorn.  We then let them and government officials fly them around in the next lightning storm until they get struck.  Pure genius, no doubt… Ben would be proud!

Krista R. Depperschmidt
March 2001