Pypes of Peace Top Ten Lists: (in descending order - 10 to 1)

Top Ten Reasons to emigrate to Cuba...

10. You can get 'Trillion Dollar Bills'
09. You can wipe your @$$ with US Dollars
08. You didn't like the look of Mexico
07. Brazil was already taken
06. You can grow Cigars
05. Nice place to relax after getting out of drug rehab
04. Fidel El Castro can be your best bud
03. Camp X-Ray is a major attraction
02. Yeah, its sunny.
01. Its better than 'Circla' or 'Triangla'

Top Ten things you don't want to say around Michael Barrymore...

10. This is all above board - right?
09. Is this a spare tape?
08. Show me some skin, Bro!
07. Fancy a swim?
06. So, are you Sean Cunningham?
05. Yes, I am Philippino - why do you ask?
04. Where's the soap?
03. Have you seen 'Free Willy' ?
02. Just bring it round the back.
01. He's behind you....

Top Ten reasons why 'Chipman' should return...

10. The Leasowe Magical Mystery Tour Bus is running outta petrol
09. To embark upon another Fantasy Football Scam
08, To re-replace Stevo
07. The Grasshopper
06. So we can stop calling 'Fake Chipman' - 'Chipman.
05. To once again state "I should know"
04. So I can cancel the tombstone
03. Its not nice in Turkey anymore
02. To prove he is still alive
01. To fight Stevo to the death in a battle arena

Top Ten signs you're watching an ITV Drama Premiere...

10. There is a concluding part tomorrow
09. The Wife/Husband is having an affair
08. There is a gardener involved
07. Its 'gritty'
06. The Detective always wears a hat
05. He hates everyone
04. His marriage is falling apart
03. He's an alcoholic
02. He's hard hitting
01. He's always Scottish

Top Ten reasons why you'd watch an ITV Drama Premiere...

10. Somebody stole your 'Cluedo' Board game
09. Big Brothers finished and you want more reality TV
08. You think its educational and believe it will 'put hairs on your chest'
07. You are either mentally or physically disabled and cant change channel
06. You lost the remote
05. You are suicidal
04. You've been captured by an elite team of terrorists and are been forced to watch it in fear of your life
03. You are attracted to Scottish Detectives
02. The Voices told you to do so
01. You haven't got SKY

Top Ten Joes...

10. Joe King
09. Sloppy Joe
08. Joe 'the Indian'
07. Joe and the techno coloured dream coat
06. Joe Scully
05. Joe Stalin
04. Joe (The Father of Our Lord - Jesus Christ)
03. Joe Bloggs
02. JoeNami
01. Joe McDonald

Top Ten reasons to be Greg Jones...

10. Free Handkerchief
09. Behind the scenes relationship with Ms Mcdonna Kebab
08. You will = GEEK
07. Free Vans Stickers
06. "Turn it off"
05. "erm"
04. 'scratch
03. 'scratch'
02. 'sniff'
01 'sniff'

Top Ten Films...

10. Independence Day
09. The Great Escape
08. The Green Mile
07. Escape to Victory
06. Gladiator
05. Blazing Saddles
04. Star Wars (All of 'em)
03. Star Trek II - 'The Wrath of Khan'
02. Armageddon
01. The Rock

Top Ten People most likely to be the re-incarnation of Jesus Christ...

10. Abel Xavier
09. Barry Burton
08. That Tramp in Liverpool
07. Bill Clinton
06. Shenade O'conner
05. Saddam Hussain
04. Hitler
03. Billy Connelly
02. Usama Bin Laden
01. The Pypes of Peace

Top Ten adverts...(I mean, I cant remember them all - can I?)

10.The 'Fybergel Family'
09. Black Men in barber shop laughing
08. All the old Sky Sports Ads
07. Halifax - Howard singing his songs
06. Lun Poly - "Get Away"
05. Abbey National - 'Our House'
04. Fhorty Ghames for Fhorty Pouinds!
03. Milky Way - 'The Red Car and The Blue Car had a race'
02. ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM
01. Declan Swan - Claims Direct

Top Ten Reasons to commit Suicide...

10. You stubbed your toe
09. You listen to 'Slipknot'
07. You didn't win the lottery
06. You've just been told you have a day left to live
05. You've just read a lot of top ten lists
04.You overslept
03. You missed your bus
02. You are watching an ITV Drama Premiere
01. You have a FLOPPY DISC...

That's all Folks.