Deep in the Caribbean The island of Mêlée TM & (c) 1990 LucasArts Entertainment Company. All rights reserved. Created and Designed by Ron Gilbert Written and Programmed by Dave Grossman, Tim Schafer and Ron Gilbert Written and Programmed by Tim Schafer, Ron Gilbert and Dave Grossman Written and Programmed by Ron Gilbert, Dave Grossman and Tim Schafer Background Art by Steve Purcell, Mark Ferrari and Mike Ebert Animation by Steve Purcell, Mike Ebert and Martin Cameron as `Bucky` 256 Color Art By Tami Borowick, James Dollar, Bill Eaken, Avril Harrison, Iain McCaig, Jim McLeod, Michael Stemmle, and Sean Turner Original Music by Michael Land... ...Barney Jones and Andy Newell of earwax productions... ...and Patrick Mundy Lead testing by Judith Lucero, Kirk Roulston and Matt Wood Testers Bret Barrett, Mark Cartwright, Wayne Cline, Jim Current, Dave Dahle, Justin Graham, Carla Green, James Hampton, Howard Harrison, Ari Hollander, Mike Kerry, Kirk Lesser, David Maxwell, Bret Mogilefsky, Aaron Muszalski, Liz Nagy, Ezra Palmer-Persen, Dave Popovich, Darrell Parker, Joe Pinney, Dave Ruedger, Matt Schneider, Damon Tripodi, John Van and J. Anthony White Produced by Greg Hammond `SCUMM` Story system by Ron Gilbert, Aric Wilmunder and Brad Taylor I have 1 piece of eight. I have  There sure are a lot of spelling errors. They're SPELLING errors, not grammatical ones. BREATHMASTER -- For the pirate who cares about first impressions. That's inhumane! `DIGMASTER -- The only shovel for serious treasure- hunting enthusiasts.` `I found the Treasure of Mêlée Island and all I got was this stupid T-shirt!` It doesn't fit. Figures. No staples to be removed. I bet this will come in handy. It says 'I beat the Sword Master' I think I'll keep it in mint condition. It might be worth something someday. Attention, pirates of Mêlée: Your governor is alive and well and by my side as she was always meant to be. If you try to find us you will only meet with horrifying disaster. Yours truly, Captain LeChuck. Hmmm... A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle... What possible use could that have? Maybe no one will miss just this one thing... There surely must be a use for a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle, but this is not it. I think I'd get better results with the parrot. It doesn't seem to open. I can't move it. I don't see anything special about it. I can't pick that up. I can't reach that from here. That doesn't seem to work. It's too dark to see it. Hmm. This door appears to be locked. AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!! AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!! Hey! I don't like visitors! Who are you? Ahoy there, Captain! What're you doing back here so soon? You didn't think I was chickening out, did you? Uh... No, of course not. I just wanted to tell you that... ...uh... ...I got a ship... ...I got a crew... ...everything's A-okay. Hey, that's great. So, I guess I'll see you at the dock, right? Right... See you there. Well? Did you find us a captain? Well, no, not exactly. Don't tell me you came back here to try to prove how brave you are again. I told you I wasn't a chicken. We'll see about that! I told you, I don't have the time to show you any more tattoo tricks. I suppose you've come to invade my peaceful home and insult me again, eh? Look, I told you... No visitors! The Governor's been KIDNAPPED! I'm Bobbin Threadbare. Are you my mother? I'm a pirate, cannonball-head. Who are you? Could you show me that neato tattoo thing again? What was your name again, cannonball-head? Excuse me, but the sign said there were restrooms in here? Whoops! I just realized that this is the wrong house. No, your mother was a duck. Now beat it. What? That's preposterous! Oh really? Take a look at this note they left. Oh no. This is horrible! What are we going to do? Uh... I was hoping you would have an idea. We could just wait here for them to come back. We could get a crew together and sail off after them. We become overcome with despair and just give up? Hmmm... Let me think. Hmmm... Yeah, we could do that. But it might get kind of boring around here... What an idea! Well, that's one solution... Wait! I know! We could get a ship and a crew and go rescue her! What an idea! Now, if only we had a captain... What about me? YOU? HA HA HA HA! That's a good one. Hey, I'm serious. Really? Really. Okay, let's see you prove it. Walk this way. Well... Okay, but just one more time. Look, I told you not to call me that. My name's Meathook... ...and you still have a little attitude problem. ...and I think you've got a little attitude problem. And you've still got a little hair problem. Well, I think you've got a little hair problem. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you cannonball-head. That's okay. I'd rather have a cannonball-head than a pony tail. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha. I meant to call you chrome dome. Hey, you've got a pretty good sense of humor. Want to see something really funny? I'd really rather not. Like what? A picture of your whole bald family? Yes, please show me, Mr. Meat. Oh, come on. It'll only take a second. Geeze! You just don't know when to quit, do you? Obviously, neither did your barber. I'm sorry. I was just trying to be funny. You want to see something funny? Watch this! Say hello, Roger! Hello, Roger. Pretty good eh? I got a whole routine, but I don't have the time to do it all right now... Maybe if we're ever on a long ocean voyage together... ...but until then, I'm a very busy man, so... Sorry, but that sign's a little out of date. I used to have a thriving tourist business here. I had animal acts, tattoo demonstrations, souvenirs... But there was a little accident with one of the trained animals... ...one of our guests was hurt very badly. So I was shut down, put out of business. And since then I've lived here all alone... ...and the only company I have is the same beast that mauled that unlucky tourist. The same beast that made me a hermit. A monster that, just by coincidence, is identical to one that attacked ME when I was just a child... ...and left me with these hooks instead of hands... ...a deformed man. Geeze, now I'm all depressed. Thanks a lot. Can't you just leave me alone now? Oh, okay. Have a nice time on Mêlée Island! Why you... Say goodbye, Roger. Goodbye, Roger. There's something in here that I want to show you. ...something horrible. Something so horrible that I stay awake at night just thinking about it... But I don't mean to scare you. I'm sure a big, brave guy like yourself will have no problem facing this monster. After all, it's much smaller than the beast that bit off my hands so many years ago. Let's just hope you're quicker than I was. Oh, I just remembered something... I never did get around to feeding him this week. Silly me. You realize, of course... ...it's only gotten hungrier. I'll let you open this last door yourself. Just let me get out of your way. Wait! Getting cold feet? No, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. You're supposed to open that little door... ...and, if you're brave enough... ...touch the beast inside. Oh, is that all? Okay. Go ahead... ...chicken. ...if you've got the guts. I don't believe it. You are a brave man after all. You faced the beast I've feared all these years. You had the guts to do what I never could. I feel like such a coward. I'm not good enough to be on your crew. I'm not even good enough to swab your decks. Oh, come on, Meathook. Oh, come on, Mr... Meathook. ...Mr. Meathook. You're a big, strong, good-looking guy with a talking tattoo. You're a big, strong, good-looking guy with a great tattoo-- I can make it talk. Wanna see? Uh, maybe later. Anyway... You can swab my decks any time! Really? Sure. I can still be on your crew? Just pack your stuff and meet me at the dock. Oh, thank you, thank you! I won't let you down. Hey, maybe I'll get a chance to show you my whole tattoo routine when we're at sea! Trying to run away, eh? I thought so. You're obviously just a big chicken. Once a chicken, always a chicken. I am not! Why don't you go look for a real captain for our crew? Yeah, sure. I'll save you Elaine, I promise. It's my little plunder bunny. I see how LeChuck could fall for her so quickly. I see how that pirate could fall for her so quickly. Re-elect Governor Marley. `When there's only one candidate, there's only one choice.` Just go ahead and open it. It won't budge. It won't budge. I'm not sure, but I think he may be asleep. Any sign of the Governor? None. As I said, I fear we've seen the last of her. Look, I told you-- I haven't seen a thing. If you're worried about her, go out and get her. Listen, I'm sort of busy right now. I'll talk to you later. I heard there was going to be a weenie roast here. I'm looking for fun. Seen any? What's green and hairy and has a thousand legs? Do you ever wonder if we're all just characters in a novel? Look out! Ha ha. Get it? Yikes! Oh, it's you again, - You almost scared me to death. I thought you were a-- --never mind. What did you say your name was, again? I'm Guybrush Threepwood. Actually, my name is Guybrush Threepwood. What the heck is wrong with `Guybrush Threepwood`? Call me Squinky. I'm over this way. Who are YOU? Why is the Governor worried about unexpected visitors? I'll just be off to seek my fortune now. Well, you picked the right place for it. Though perhaps the wrong time. Not to mention the wrong name. You have the silliest name I've heard in a long time. It's the only one I've ever heard that was more ridiculous than `Squinky`. OK, Squinky. You just said you were Gibberish Driftwood, or something like that. Sure, whatever. Eh? Oh. I'm the lookout of Mêlée Island. I watch the ocean for approaching storms and ships, and report them directly to the Governor. She doesn't like unexpected visitors... ...especially not now. Say, who are you, anyway? That's THREEPWOOD. What the heck is wrong with `Guybrush Threepwood`? Why is the Governor worried about unexpected visitors? How did you get to be the lookout when you're obviously blind as a bat? I'm over here. I'll just be off to seek my fortune now. Actually, it's the EXPECTED visitors we're worried about. One pirate captain in particular... A dead one, but that doesn't make him any less dangerous. Watch your tongue. I was hand-picked by Sheriff Shinetop! Eh? Oh. Oh, right. Isn't that what I said? Nothing, if you want to sell shoes. You want to be a pirate, boy, take my advice: Change your name. Try something like `Dreadbeard` or `Six-fingered Pete`. Good luck. Hi! My name's Guybrush Threepwood, and I want to be a pirate! Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that! Er... I'm over this way. Ah! Well, then, Thriftweed-- THREEPWOOD. Guybrush THREEPWOOD. I see. So, you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector. But if you're serious about pirating, go talk to the pirate leaders. You'll find them in the Scumm Bar. Gosh, thanks! I'll do that! Bye, now. I'm off to seek my fortune! Good luck. The SCUMM BAR. Right. Thanks. Hmmm... I think it could support my weight... It's just like the one on the other side. Gaudy, but in a cheerful sort of way. Dingy. Wow! It works both ways. That's some chicken. Those crazy Spaghetti Brothers are still in there. I think there's something going on in there. Weasel! Weevil! Miscreant! Toady! Ne'er-do-well! Scofflaw! Mullet-head! Millet-head! Pencil-head! Half-head! Cheese-head! Harpy! What? Just get in the cannon! Your mother wears combat slippers! Leave our mother out of it! Get in the cannon! You're a chicken! You're a dead chicken! Well, you're a dead chicken with a pulley in the middle! What? Just get in the cannon. No, YOU get in the cannon! No, YOU get in the cannon! The basic theory is fine. We just need to change the aim a bit. I'll try it next! No, I'LL do it next! No, me! No, ME! Slacker! Loser! Ruffian! Fop! I'd get in the cannon, but the gunpowder makes me sneeze. Well, I can't do it, I hurt my hand taming the lions last week. I hardly think that little scratch compares to my chronic allergy. You get in the cannon. You don't have any allergies, you faker. YOU get in the cannon. No, YOU get in the cannon! No, YOU get in the cannon! Slacker! Loser! Ruffian! Fop! . . .ahem. . . Does this place have a bathroom? I'm selling these fine jackets. Can I borrow a trampoline? Why are you guys dressed up in those ridiculous outfits? Hello again. Ready to do the cannon trick? Say there, son, how'd you like a chance-- --A once in a lifetime chance-- --To perform an amazing feat-- --A death-defying feat-- --Well, not so death-defying, really-- --A dangerous feat-- --No, not dangerous at all-- --An easy feat-- --But exciting!-- --With the Amazing-- --Adventurous, Acrobatic-- --And Exceedingly Well-Known-- --Fabulous, Flying-- --Fettucini Brothers! That's us. My brother Alfredo... ...and my brother Bill. Sound good? Good. It's very simple, really. See that cannon over there? All you have to do-- --Is get in the cannon-- --And we'll shoot you out of it-- --Across the room-- --Quite safe, actually-- --So, what do you say? OK, I'll do it. How much will you pay me? Forget it! We'll pay you d How about d OK, sounds good. No way! Have you got a helmet? Er... no, I don't have a helmet. Will I need one? Of course I have a helmet. What sort of idiot do you take me for? Well, let's have it. We want to be sure-- --That it's safe-- --Wouldn't want you hurt-- --Nosiree! No helmet? Oh, you've got to have a helmet-- --Can't do the cannon trick without a helmet-- --Nosiree! Go get a helmet, and then we can do the trick. Now we can do the trick. Step right over here, son. Hey... Are you OK? ?rehtom ym uoy erA .nibboB m'I ?temleh ym s'erehW I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother? Where's my helmet? He's all right! Hooray! We are spared an embarrassing and financially debilitating lawsuit! Here's your money, sir. Just recompense for aiding us. It's some sort of meat or meatlike substance... It's a striking yellow color. On those helpless dogs? That's inhumane! Advance, Thrust, Recover, Parry, Riposte. Watch your footwork. No! Beat first, then lunge. Use your forte against the foible. Distance, distance! Captain Smirk's Big Body Pirate Gym Prices: Sword Training 30 Pieces o' eight Cannon Firing 160 Pieces o' eight (balls extra) Grappling Hook 130 Pieces o' eight (hook extra) He's terrible and insensitive and about to hit me again. I think I'll knock. It'd only be polite. There's no answer. What do you want, you wimpy little spineless maggot? What do you want? Oh, it's you. Could you train me to be better than the Sword Master? Could you make me the best swordfighter on Mêlée? Can we step inside? It's a little chilly out here. Do you know where the Sword Master lives? Um... Could you please put out that cigar? What did you say? I said it's a little chilly out here! Hmmm... You're right. I could catch a cold. Forget it, kid. She'd cut your head clean off. Unless, of course, you got some training first... It's not good for your health, and it smells terrible. Sure, I'd love to put it out... ...in your face! Uh... ...maybe I'll just leave instead. Good idea. You mean, not counting the Sword Master? Counting everybody. I want to be the BEST. Better than the Sword Master? You? Ha ha ha! You could never be HALF the sword fighter Carla is. Even with hours of hard work and sweatin' blood. I remember fighting side-by-side with Carla at Port Royal... ...the local constabulary had us cornered! It looked like we were done for, but then she said-- --but I digress... You just don't have what it takes. I do so have what it takes! I do so! I guess you're right. You know, you really should quit smoking. You do not! What I really should do is make you eat this stogie. I like your spirit. I'll do what I can. Of course... ...it'll cost you. Did you see my sign? I usually charge 30 pieces of eight for a BIG job like this one. What have you got? What ELSE have you got? I've got 30 pieces of eight. I figured you'd do it for free. I think I'll wait. Thanks anyway. All I have is this dead chicken. Say no more, say no more. Well, you figured wrong. Fine, stay a spineless speck of spider spit. That isn't one of those rubber chickenswith a pulley in the middle is it? I've already got one. Let's see your sword. OK, check it out. I guess I forgot to buy one. I don't want to show it to you. I do have this deadly-looking chicken. Yes, this is a nice one. Let's get to it. I suggest you get your sorry butt downto the store and buy one. I'm not in the habit of loaning swordsto students. Yes, swinging a rubber chicken withbig metal pulley in it can be quitedangerous... ...BUT IT'S NOT A SWORD!!! Suit yourself. I think you'd better. OK, ya maggot... ...why don't you whip that sword out and let's see what you can do with it. Boy! You fight like a dairy farmer! I usually don't waste my time with vermin like yourself. But seeing as this LeChuck thing has put a cramp on business, I've got no choice... ...I need the money. Yes... ...I can see this is going to take some special measures. Just want you to know... ...I don't do this with everyone. It's only because I feel that special... ...student/mentor/pieces-of-eight bonding... ...that I'm going to these lengths. I'm going to put you up against... ...THE MACHINE. Come at me. Don't be afraid, you won't hurt me. Hours later... You're starting to get the hang of it. More hours later... Not bad. You've got good form. Now I'm gonna let you in on the true secret of sword fighting. Sword fighting is kinda like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say. Any fool pirate can swing a sharp piece of metal around and hope to cut something... ...but the pros... ...they know just when to cut their opponent with an insult... ...one that catches 'em off guard. You see, kid, your wit's got to be twice as sharp as your sword. Let's try a couple of insults out, shall we? Okay... ...imagine this: We're fighting up a storm... ...just like Carla and I were doing at Port Royal. There's a sudden break in the fighting and I say to you... ...'You fight like a dairy farmer.' You respond with? Oh yeah!? So's your mother. I am rubber, you are glue... You must be thinking of someone else, I am not a farmer. I can see we've got a lot of work to do here. You should have responded with something like... ...'How appropriate. You fight like a cow.' You see... It's razor-sharp wit like that that wins fights. Let's try another. Imagine this: You're trapped up against a wall... ...my sword just slashed two cuts into your face. I say... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!' You respond with? Oh yeah!? So's your mother. I am rubber, you are glue... How appropriate. You fight like a cow. I can see we're in deep trouble here. No! No! No! That was the response from the last insult. Doesn't even make sense when used here! A correct response to... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!'... ...would have been something like... ...'First you'd better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.' See... ...razor-sharp! Now I suggest you go out there and learn some insults. I can't help but feel like I've been ripped off. I'm sure you're feeling something similar. Cozy. For what? I don't think it'll hold much now. Looks like a fine pewter tankard. Why should we take THAT? I don't want to come between a pirate and his grog. I don't think it's wise to wake a sleeping pirate. I think he's happy with his bone. I don't want to bother them. They're busy listening to the guy on the left. They're busy listening to the guy on the left. No thanks. I can't stand salesmen. He looks pretty shook up... I'd better leave him alone. I think they're busy. I don't think it's wise to wake a sleeping pirate. Hey! You can't come back here! Hey! Don't go into the kitchen! I see you've heard about the three pirate trials... Yes, yes, we've seen that. Well, if it isn't the boy who wants to be a pirate. How do you fare on your quests? How do you fare, swordsman? How do you fare, thief? How do you fare, gold finder? Welcome, young friend. Have you beaten the Sword Master yet? Have you stolen the idol yet? Have you found the treasure yet? You must have heard about the three pirate trials... What be ye wantin', boy? I mean to kill you all! I want to be a pirate. I want to be a fireman. So what? Why bother us? Hey, don't forget we're short on help because of this whole LeChuck thing. So? So, no pirates means no swag, and no swag means no grog, and we're getting dangerously low on grog... Hmm... Do you have any special skills? Well... All right, but you don't become a pirate just by ASKING. You'll have to go through... The three trials! Er... What three trials are those? There are three trials every pirate must pass. You must master the sword... ...and the art of thievery... ...and the quest. The what? Treasure huntin', ya sea urchin! Right. You must prove yourself in each of these three areas: swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery; then return with proof that you've done it. And then ye must drink grog with us!! GROG!!! GROG!!! GROG!!! Get lost, boy, you bother us. Tell me more about mastering the sword. Tell me again about mastering the sword. I'm the deadliest scalawag what ever swung a sword! Tell me more about mastering the art of thievery. Tell me again about pilfering the idol. I'm the sneakiest footpad in these isles! Tell me more about treasure hunting. Tell me again about the Lost Treasure. I found your 'legendary Lost Treasure'. You're a bunch of foul-smelling, grog-swilling pigs! What's in that grog stuff, anyway? I'll just be running along now. First, get ye a sword. You must seek out and defeat the Sword Master. Someone in town can probably direct you. Oh! You'll want to find someone to train you first. Ha ha. Imagine trying to take on the Sword Master without any training! Har Har Har And get yourself trained first. We want you to procure a small item for us... The Idol of Many Hands... ...in the Governor's mansion! The Governor keeps the Idol o' Many Hands in a display case in the mansion outside of town. You'll have to get past the guards, naturally. The tricky part will be getting past the dogs outside. They're a particularly vicious breed... ...you might be able to drug them or something. Legend has it that there's a treasure buried here on the island... All you must do is find the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island and bring it back here. Should I have a map or something? Ye can hardly expect to find a treasure without a map! ...and don't forget: X marks the spot! Har Har Har Well, defeated the Sword Master, did ye? Ye're a strong fellow! Ye may keep the stylish T-shirt. We have enough. Ah, the Idol of Many Hands! Ye're a brave lad! And thank ye for stealing it for us. Discovered the Lost Treasure, eh? Ye're a clever boy! Ye may keep the chic T-shirt. We have plenty. To be a pirate ye must also be a foul-smelling, grog-swilling pig. Grog is a secret mixture which contains one or more of the following: kerosene propylene glycol artificial sweeteners sulphuric acid rum acetone red dye #2 scumm axle grease battery acid and/or pepperoni As you can probably imagine, it's one of the most caustic, volatile substances known to man. The stuff eats right through these mugs and the cook is losing a fortune replacing them. Har Har Har Leave us to our grog. Come back later and tell us how ye're doing. Waroof! Roof. Baroof, ruff? *sniff* *sniff* Arf-farf... ...woof? A-oooooooo! Grrrrrrrrr. Grrrrr. Woof. Arf. Ruff. Grrrrrr. WOOF? Aruff roof! Woof ARF! ...arf? Ruff, a-roof arf! GRRRRRRRRRR!!! Woof-woof arf woof... ...warroof, Mêlée Island! ...a-roof wuf: ...LeChuck! Grrrrrrr! Worf. A-ROOF! Wuf, 'LeChuck?' Yip! Yip! Yip! Worf, worf. A-roof? Ruff. Grrrrrrrr! Worf woof woof ruff-ruff... Wor-roof wuf? Ruff arf-arf, bow-ruff... ...Governor Marley! A-OOOOOOO! A-OOOOOOO! (ruff ruff ruff) Bow-roo wuf rowwf-- --Arrooof-- --LeChuck! GRRRRRRRRR! Arf, oof-oof, Monkey Island! *sniff* *sniff* Ahoy there, stranger. New in town? Hey, nice to see you again. Uh-oh, it looks like my grog is going flat, so you'll have to excuse me. So what was your name, anyway? My name's Guybrush Threepwood. I'm new in town. Are you a pirate? Can I be on your crew? Who's in charge here? I want to talk to the leaders of the pirates. Where can I find the Governor? Nice talking to you. Well, I am a pirate. But, alas, I'm not a captain. Well, this island has a governor... ...but we pirates have our own leaders. I want to talk to the leaders of the pirates. Where can I find the Governor of the island? That's nice. Goodbye. Sorry. Guybrush Threepwood? Ha ha ha!!! That's the stupidest name I've ever heard! I don't know... I kind of like 'Guybrush.' Well, what's YOUR name? Yeah, it is pretty dumb, isn't it? I'm insulted. Goodbye. But it's not even a name! My name is Mancomb Seepgood. That's okay. Mine is Mancomb Seepgood. Sorry to see you go away mad. Don't be a stranger. You should go talk to the important-looking pirates in the next room. They're pretty much in charge around here. They can tell you where to go and what to do. Governor Marley? Her mansion is on the other side of town. But pirates aren't as welcome around her place as they used to be. Why not? I'm welcome everywhere I go. I think I'll go there right now. Bye. Whatever you say. Just watch out for those guard dogs! Okay, but watch out for those guard dogs! Well, the last time she had a pirate over for dinner, he fell in love with her. It's made things rather uncomfortable for everybody. How's that? Who is this pirate? That's too bad. Well, see you later. It was none other than the fearsome pirate LeChuck. Well, there's a whole big story about what happened next... But I don't believe a word of it. Estevan over there at the other table might tell you about it. He takes the whole thing seriously. VERY seriously. So what brings you to Mêlée Island anyway? I want to be a pirate! I've come seeking my fortune. I really don't know. None of your business. Goodbye. Oh, really? Oh, you have, have you? Well, it sure wasn't for the sunshine. I think you need some guidance. Well, excuse me Mr. Secretive. Nice talking to you. Have fun on Mêlée Island. My grog is going flat, so you'll have to excuse me. What are you looking at me for? What now? Look, this whole LeChuck thing has me pretty shaken up. So if you don't mind... I'd like to introduce myself... my name's Guybrush. What ever happened with LeChuck and the Governor? Can you tell me the story about this LeChuck guy? Who's this pirate that's bugging the Governor? Why aren't pirates welcome at the Governor's house? Does the name `LeChuck` mean anything to you? Excuse me, but I'm looking for the dart board. Where can I get a drink? What happened to your eye? Sorry to bother you. Bye. Well, I was putting in my contact lens when-- Hey, wait a second! That's none of your business! Dart board? We don't have one anymore. There was a horrible accident. Drinking and darts don't mix. A drink? You could wait for the cook to notice you... ...but that could take all day. Just find a mug and sneak into the kitchen. That's what we all do. Yeah, so what? LeChuck? Because of LeChuck, that's why! LeChuck? He's the guy that went to the Governor's for dinner and never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told him to drop dead. So he did. Then things really got ugly. What's so scary about this LeChuck guy? How did things get ugly? How did he die? Sounds spooky. Well, I must be going. LeChuck was a fearsome pirate. He tried to impress the Governor by sailing off to find the Secret of Monkey Island. But a mysterious storm came up and sank his ship, leaving no survivors. We thought that was the end of the fearsome pirate LeChuck. We were wrong. What happened then? What IS the Secret of Monkey Island? I love that story. Well, see you later. Only LeChuck knows. But that's not the end-- He still sails the waters between here and Monkey Island. His ghost ship is an unholy terror upon the sea. That's why we're all in here and not out pirating. Right. Aye, yourself. Nice hat. So, tell me about LOOM. Geeze, what an obvious sales pitch. Nice talking to you. You mean the latest masterpiece of fantasy storytelling from Lucasfilm's Brian Moriarty? Why it's an extraordinary adventure with an interface of magic... ...stunning, high-resolution, 3D landscapes...ÿ...sophisticated score and musical effects. Not to mention the detailed animation and special effects,ÿelegant point 'n' click control of characters, objects, and magic spells. But wait, there's more! Loom has no burdensome typing, mapping, or inventory management.ÿAnd unlike many adventure games today, it's easy for beginners to enjoy.ÿA leading game magazine says it's, 'Enchanting...complex...captivating.' Beat the rush!ÿGo out and buy Loom today! Sorry, but on some topics I just get carried away. Aye. I think it's full of that foul stuff pirates drink. I think I have enough already. I don't want THAT much. It's some sort of meat or meatlike substance... Someone cooked a headcheese in this. I think that bird will peck my hand off... I think it's a herring. It's boiling hot. Hmm. Stewed meat. Hmm. Stewed fish. It's already on. I'd better not. The plank's stuck. It's not a bay leaf, but every cook makes substitutions. I don't think it needs meat AND fish. I don't want to put that in. Ouch! Got it! Wow! It ate the thing right up! Ten o'clock. Hmm. Still ten o'clock. Seems like it's ALWAYS ten o'clock on this island. Creepy! Why yes, I do. No, I'm a gatecrasher. No, but I do have this deadly magic root beer. I must have left it in my other pants. No. Sure, it's right here in this seltzer bottle. Er, I think it must be in my other pants. Bye, now. It's a sunburn. I suffer from a rare pigmentation efficiency syndrome. Try not to take this root beer too personally. aaAAOOOOOOoooooo... My chains are at the cleaners being degreased. Try not to take this root beer too personally. It's busy being overpowered by your OWN deathly stench. Oh, that! Just let me get my boots off... It's a new root beer cologne. Perhaps you'd like to try it? Er... Um... Well... You mean the head on this root beer? Oh, forget it! This stuff's great! Watch out, LeChuck! There's a new sheriff in town, and his name-- --Hey! I'd better get to the church! Hey!! Don't mess with my rat! I said don't pester the rat! I'm not going to warn you again!! Leave the rat alone!! Hey, man!! Frank, make him quit it! Aw, now look what you did! I apologize for what I said about rats. Sorry about the rat... Now that that fearsome beast is gone, we can talk. Hey, nice rat! How can you stand to be near this vermin? Do you guys know the sneaky-looking man on the opposite corner? Do you know where I can find a treasure map around here? I'll take those minutes if you pay me two pieces of eight. I'm really interested in this pirating thing. Say, are you guys pirates? Did you know the Governor's been kidnapped? I'll just be running along, now. Saw you buying a map from that fellow over there. Have you looked at it yet? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Perhaps you should consider an alternate source... Wanna buy a map, eh? OUR maps are top quality, not like the birdcage liners you get from that clown across the street. No, just kidding. These are actually copies of the minutes of the last meeting of the Mêlée Island PTA. Can't even GIVE them away. Want one? No, thanks. No, I must be on my way. No, but I'll take one if you give me two pieces of eight. See? Told you so. OK, that's fair. Do you like rats? Yes, I love rats! No, I can't stand them. Yes, especially in a light wine sauce. I can't talk about it right now. Got to go. AIEEE!!! Get away!!! Frank, this bozo scared off my rat! Sounds like this guy don't like rats! Let's saut‚ him now! They're very intelligent creatures! Ha ha ha ha!! More intelligent than HIM. Why, there's a story around these parts that a bunch of rats actually crewed a ship here from fabled Monkey Island. No, that's not right. It was actually a group of monkeys. That's amazing! That's difficult to believe. No way could a bunch of stupid monkeys crew a ship! Excuse me, I must be going. But true. Yes, but it's true. Actually, they were chimps, and they WEREN'T stupid. When they arrived, they sold the ship for a pretty penny. Only time I've seen anyone get the better of ol' Stan in a deal. I thought it was rats... No, we're a wandering circus troupe. But this rat scared away the elephant. But some idiot chased our trained rat away. Shut Up!! Of course we're pirates! You can't buy clothes like these off the rack! What do you want? What's in the keg? Sorry I verbally abused your rat. Where'd you get that rat? Nothing. See you later. How come you're on this street corner and not on a ship, looting, pillaging, sacking, that sort of thing? Er... rum and jam. It's an old pirate favorite, everybody knows that. Well, pirating hasn't been panning out so well for us... There are some UNNATURALLY talented pirates in the area right now... ...operating out of Monkey Island. So we've been pursuing alternate means of self-support. We're trying to start up a circus. It was working out well, until the rat scared off the elephant. ...and now some jerk scared off the rat! Now you've depressed us. Go home. Er... Well, yes, we knew about that. Why are you just standing around instead of doing something about it? I'm going after those immaterial authority-figure-nappers. Are you with me? Can I interest you in a dream vacation to Monkey Island? Because of this sudden change in local government, I'm prepared to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime price on a cruise to that scenic wonderland... ...Monkey Island! And the amazing thing about this offer IS the price: Absolutely free! All you have to do is help me crew the ship, and island paradise can be yours... FREE!! (...and we might just rescue the Governor while we're at it.) Uh... Well... The Governor can probably take care of herself... ...and we are sort of busy here... - yeah - ...and we've got the circus to think of... ...we've got to find the elephant... ...find the rat... YEAH! ...and get rid of these minutes... I'm sorry, we simply CAN'T go at this time. I think you'd best leave, boy. Ha ha ha ha ha hoo hoo ha ha ha Excuse me, but do-- Oh, it's only you again. I told you there was only ONE in existence. Come back for the map to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island, eh? I hope you brought enough money this time. I just want a map. My cousin Sven sends his regards. Could you tell me that code again? Never mind. I can get a map somewhere else. Do you have a file? I see. Wanna bet? Shhhhhhh! Pipe down, will ya? That ugly sheriff might be around here. Now, then... Excuse me, but do you have a cousin named Sven? What? No, I don't. What is that? Some sort of code? No, but I once had a barber named Dominique. Do you have a file? Of course it's a code, you idiot. Close enough. Never mind. Good night. Financial files on Stan's Shipyard? Personnel files for the Sheriff's Department? Actually, I meant the raspy metal kind. Oh. Let's talk business. You want to buy a map to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island? Only one in existence. Rare. Very rare. Only 100 pieces of eight... No thanks. I don't have enough money. I'll take it. It'll make a swell gift. No thanks. I don't want it. Well then, buzz off kid, it's bad for business. There ya go. You've made a wise decision. Now get lost. Not enough money, eh? Come back when you're serious about treasure hunting, kid. Your reservations are for two-thirty, sir. Come back then. Do you have reservations? May I help you? I'm here to loot the Governor's mansion. I was just on my way to the Governor's Mansion. I must be in the wrong place, catch ya later. Are you here for the looting? Yes. Looting sounds like fun, now that I'm a pirate and all. Absolutely not! That's good... ...because we're booked up solid for the next five hours. And do you have reservations, sir? Reservations?!? For looting? Why, yes I do have reservations. Gee, I don't have reservations. Should I have called ahead? Oh yes, very popular when the Governor's away. Chaos would ensue if we didn't have a system. Now... ...unless you have reservations, you'll have to leave. And what name would they be under? Threepwood, Guybrush Threepwood. Ah... I think it's that first one there on the top of the list. It's probably under 'S', for Shinetop. I'm sorry... ...I don't see your name here. Of course... Nice try... ...but... Nice try... ...but... Of course you should have called ahead. This is a very popular place. Now... ...we're booked solid for the next five hours. But I might be able to squeeze you in... ...around the two o'clock hour. Would that be OK? Yes, that would be fine. No thanks, I've got a ship to catch. Super... I'll put you down for `one to loot the Governor's mansion at two-thirty.` Next time, call ahead. Suit yourself. It's too dark to see it. Hmm. This door appears to be locked. Ooooh! A circus. I love a circus! He's vile, horrible, awful, and about to hit me again. `Employees Only` Hello? Anybody in here? HELLO??? You know, bad things could happen to a person in a dark, deserted alley like this one. And at this time of night, nobody would be around to see it. Oh really? That's interesting. Well, see ya. Did you hear something back in here too? Yeah, and bad things happen to people who sneak up on other people from behind. Now, why are you in such a hurry? No. So, you're going to give me a little attitude, eh? I'd better get your name. I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pirate. I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm new in town. I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I was just leaving. Listen Peepwood-- Threepwood! Guybrush Threepwood! Whatever your name is, listen: I'm the sheriff around here. Sheriff Fester Shinetop. Take it from me--This is a bad time to be visiting Mêlée Island. A very BAD time. My advice to you is to find somewhere else to take your vacation. Somewhere safer. Boy, I feel much better knowing there's an officer of the law around. They're sleeping peacefully. I don't think I can get past them. I'm not going near them! I don't want to wake them. `Let sleeping dogs lie.` Piranha poodles don't eat fish. I don't think these dogs are vegetarians. I doubt the dogs will want this. IMPORTANT NOTICE These dogs are not dead, they are only SLEEPING. No animals were harmed during the production of this game. `Get a handle on your savings with GRIPMASTER handles.` Hey! Get away from that! Don't you be messing with that! `Davey Jones Lockers: The last word in theft-, fire-, and grog-resistant storage devices.` This is a grog-resistant safe. Says so right on it. I don't think that will open it. It's locked. It's already closed. `Ring bell for service.` I'd better not touch it. That storekeeper guy might bite my head off. BREATHMASTER -- For the pirate who cares about first impressions. Oooo! That's refreshing! `DIGMASTER -- The only shovel for serious treasure- hunting enthusiasts.` I, the good and honorable storekeeper do hereby take liability for the debts of the bearer of this note for any amount up to 5000 pieces of eight. `SLASHMASTER -- When you want a sword as sharp as your wit.` On those helpless dogs? That's inhumane! Hey, where'd you go? I hike halfway across the island to try and get you a reservation with the Sword Master-- --who, by the way, says you can go jump in the lake-- --and when I come back, you're gone! See if I ever do you a favor again, ungrateful little shoplifter! See if I ever do you a favor again! I've got my eye on you, boy. Steal anything and I break your legs. Ahoy there, fancy pants. Hmmm... There's nothing in here but this note. Hmmm... It's empty. Looking for a Sword Master, are you? Looking for a little 'five-finger discount' it looks like to me! See if I ever trust you again, devious little shoplifting weasel-boy! I can't believe I almost fell for that again! You, young man, are in dire need of a keelhauling! It's not that expensive! Why don't you just buy it, cheapskate? You're hoping I'll have a heart attack with all this walking, is that it? Ha! Just keeps getting funnier and funnier, doesn't it? Just get over here! Ah-ha! Caught you, you little thief! Caught you again, you little rat! Don't you ever learn? Okay, cough up the dough. Maybe you'd like to pay for that? Maybe you'd like to pay for those? What about it? I want it. How much is it? I don't want it. It never fails! I step away from the counter for two seconds and some idiot's already ringing that stupid bell! I should've known it'd be you again. The Sword Master says you can jump in the lake, by the way. Sorry, no refunds. Sorry, no refunds. No thanks. I like my breath this way. What's that for? I'm not that stupid. I didn't say you were. Not out loud, at least. We only take cash here. Waddya want? About this sword... About this shovel... I'm looking for the Sword Master of Mêlée Island. Now that I have this sword, who can I test it out on? I'm interested in procuring a note of credit. I could really use a breath mint. I'd like some rat repellent, please. Do you have files? I think I'd just like to browse. I think I'd just like to browse for now. I already told you, it's 100 pieces of eight. Did you bring enough money this time? That's 100 pieces of eight. Take it or leave it. I'll take it. I don't have enough money. I don't want it. Great. Best 100 pieces of eight you ever spent. Figures. How else do you want to waste my time? Same price as the last time you asked me: 75 pieces of eight. Another would-be treasure hunter, eh? That'll cost you 75 pieces of eight. I'll take it. 75 pieces of eight? I don't have that much. I don't want it. Great. It'll pay for itself, believe me. You'll dig up 75 pieces of eight in no time. But hey, save some treasure for the rest of us, would ya? Ha ha ha! Then you'd better go put it back. Is there something here maybe that you CAN afford? Well if you're looking for a good fight... We've got the best swordfighter in all the Caribbean right here on Mêlée Island. Of course, no one knows where her secret hideout is... Look, I told you, she doesn't want to see you. Maybe if you asked her again? Yeah, like I'm going to fall for that one again! Oh, please. I won't steal anything this time, I promise. Be right back. Wait a second! You sneaky, light-fingered little weasel... ...almost had me going there for a second. You don't think I'm stupid enough to try the same trick three times in a row, do you? You're really starting to tick me off. The Sword Master of Mêlée Island? Hmmm... I don't know... Nobody knows the whereabouts of her secret hideout... ...nobody except me. I'd have to go and ask her if it's okay to show you the way. Hmmm... I guess I could hike all the way over there... ...AGAIN. ...ONCE. Be right back. AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! I've got my eyes on you, weasel-boy! Don't try anything! And none of your old tricks! I can't believe I'm doing this again! I expect to be back in about five seconds. AND DON'T TOUCH-- Ah, I'm tired of this crap. Blah, blah, blah, eyes in the back of my head, blah, blah, blah... ...blah, blah, blah, wring your neck, blah, blah, blah... ...you know the story. This is really getting boring. You are, are you? Got a job? Got yourself a job finally, eh? Yes, of course I do. To be honest, sir, I am not employed. All right. I'll get one of my notes and we'll fill it out. Let's see here... What did you say your occupation was? I'm a grog-swilling, foul-smelling pirate. I'm waiting tables at the Scumm Bar. I'm an acrobat with a traveling circus. I clean ships over at Stan's used ship yard. To be honest, sir, I'm between jobs. Foul-smelling, yes... Grog-swilling, maybe... But a pirate? Don't make me laugh. Come back when you've got some tattoos or a pegleg or at least an eyepatch, for crying out loud. ...and I'm the Queen of England. The cook over there waits all his own tables. He likes to spit on all his customers personally. Not only are you unemployed, you're a liar! You're one of the Fettucini brothers? Where's your silly accent? And where're your silly slippers? Come back when you've got a job in a credible business. I haven't seen a clean ship over there in years. You're either lying, or you're just a crummy worker. Either way, I don't trust you. I appreciate your honesty. But I didn't get to be eighty-three by being no jackass. No job, no credit. Come see me when you land a job, and we'll talk. Thank you for telling me that. I respect your honesty. But I didn't get to be eighty-three by being no jackass. No job, no credit. Come back when you've got one. You're telling me! Here take one... ...please. Take a whole roll! That'll be one piece of eight. I got some, but they ain't free. Hah! I'll bet you would. But I haven't got any. Did you mean hanging files or nail files? Yes. Hanging files. Nail files. No, the metal kind you use to open locks with. Ah. Sorry, we're out of those. What else do you want? Hey, this ain't no boutique. Don't take all day. Okay, but don't put your lips on anything. Whatever. Okay. Wake me up if you need anything. Be my guest, fancy pants. Got a special on shovels today... Could you hurry up? I was hoping to close early today. If you're thinking about stealing something, think again. Hurry up! Come on! Just buy something. What do you think this is? A museum? I don't have all day. Let's go, fancy-pants! Don't think, just buy! Did you just come in here to get out of the cold, or do you need something? Are you waiting for me to fall asleep or something? Can I help you? Got a good deal on swords right now... Oh yeah? Well so's your old lady. Looks nervous. It's locked. I think it's welded shut now. I'd better not wear it out before I get the idol. I don't think that'll open it. It's locked. I think it's welded shut now. No need for that now. There's a file in it! It's heavy. It's a raspy metal file. So, have you come to release me? Come to interrogate the prisoner again, eh? Who are you? What did you do to wind up in there? So, how's the food in there? What was that you said about flowers? So who'd want to frame you? Sheriff Shinetop sure is a jerk, isn't he? Who's the sheriff around here? The Governor's been kidnapped! If I let you out, would you join my crew? Would you happen to have a file? Can I get you anything? Well, keep a stiff upper lip. I've gotta go. My name is Otis. At least, I think it is. I've been in here so long I can hardly remember. You've got to get me out of here before I lose my mind completely! Can't you see I'm innocent? But why are you in jail, if you're innocent? You don't look innocent to me. I was framed! I didn't touch the stupid flowers! What flowers? Could you tell me the name of those flowers again? Who framed you? How's the food in there? What did you say you ate in there? The yellow Caniche Endormi flowers in the forest-- It's against the law to pick them. I don't know who exactly... I think it was a conspiracy. And if there's one type of piracy I don't like... ...it's CONS-piracy. You wouldn't either if you'd been in here as long as I have. I didn't do anything. Especially not to those dumb flowers. That's why I'm in here, because of those stupid flowers... No kidding. You mean you haven't run into the new sheriff yet? You're a lucky man. It's best to avoid Fester Shinetop. Fester who? What's so bad about him? You're just saying that because he put you in jail. I'll keep that in mind. See you later. Fester Shinetop is the meanest man on Mêlée Island. Luckily, the Governor keeps him in check most of the time. We used to have a fair, decent man for a sheriff-- --but he recently died under mysterious circumstances. If you ask me, I think the new sheriff had something to do with it. I think you've said enough, Otis! Whoops. No! Ask anyone... Go get me a lawyer! A cheap one! Sure! Of course! To my emancipator, I shall be eternally indebted. Until then, I pace. What? Here, look at this note. They've kidnapped the Governor? That really makes me mad. I feel like kicking someone. Hmmm... I wonder if she left her place unlocked... Yes... YOU CAN GET ME OUT OF HERE! Actually, something to get rid of these rats would be nice. I'd trade you this carrot cake my Aunt Tillie made. I hate carrot cake. You think I'd be in here if I did? All I have is this carrot cake my Aunt Tillie made me. You can have THAT if you bring me something to get rid of these rats. I can't stand carrot cake. Thanks a lot. Oh, you know, the usual... Slop, grog, gruel... Rats, bugs, and body lice if I can catch them. I have a carrot cake my Aunt Tillie made, even though she knows I detest carrot cake. Actually, the cook at the bar is an old friend of mine, and sometimes he sneaks me food. Like pork trimmings--mostly feet and lips--but once in a while... ...he brings this really odd rump roast... That's disgusting. I don't want to hear any more. What was so odd about the rump roast? Hey, man, you asked. Well, it's the only rump roast I've ever seen with a prehensile tail. Look, I like visitors and everything, but I don't have much more to say. Plus, my throat's getting dry from all this talking. Why don't you go find someone else to talk to? It's not like I'm the ONLY pirate left on the island or anything. I told you, I don't have much more to say. Look, I appreciate you trying to keep me company and everything... But unless you're a lawyer... ...or you know some way to magically dissolve this lock... ...I really don't see any point in continuing this conversation. You gotta get me out of here! I'm a victim of society. Not to mention halitosis. Yuck! Hey, it's hard to keep my breath minty-fresh when there's nothing to eat in here but rats. But I need it to get the idol. Ooooh! Grog-O-Mint! How refreshing! Thanks. Hey, this might work on the rats! Thanks! Here's the cake. Here, take this carrot cake in exchange. My Aunt Tillie made it. I told you, I HATE carrot cake! I don't need your charity buddy. Well, maybe just one piece. I don't want anything but my freedom! ...and maybe a breath mint. ...and maybe something to get rid of these rats. My name's Otis, by the way. If there's anything I can ever do for you-- Well, actually, there is something... I'm looking for brave people to join my crew and sail off to Monkey Island with me to rescue the Governor. She's been abducted by the fearsome pirate LeChuck, and is being held against her will somewhere in his secret hideout. I see... Well, yes, hmmm... LeChuck, you say? Well, yes. Yes, of course. We must sail to Monkey Island and-- HEY! LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED MONKEY! I can't believe I fell for that. Pretty good trick, though. I hope you haven't been taking this filthy vagrant too seriously. He'd say anything to avoid paying his debt to society. He seems innocent to me. Why don't you let him out? He IS filthy. And he smells bad too. Do you mind? We were having a private conversation. Omigosh! LOOK at the time! I'd LOVE to stay and chat, but... Maybe you should mind your own business, stranger. I'll decide who's innocent and who's guilty around here. Hey, thanks a lot. You've got a lot of nerve coming into this town and passing judgement on the locals. If there's something you don't like about the way we smell, you're welcome to leave anytime. Don't take that tone with me, monkey-boy. Or I'll gladly lock you up in there with Otis... ...then you'd have plenty of time for private conversation. I see. You have the time to consort with criminals, but not with those interested in upholding the law. Sorry. Look, I don't know what you're up to... ...but whatever it is, it's probably illegal. So forget it. Wherever you go on Mêlée, I'll be watching. And if you try any monkey business, you'll end up in here for good. Man, is he a pill or what? You see what I have to put up with? You'd better go before you get us both in trouble. Looks like an old, abandoned campsite. What a lovely plant. Creepy. My, what an unusually bright yellow they are. Same old red flowers all over the forest. I've already got one. I don't think strolling through the forest picking flowers is very good practice for being a pirate. Hey! There's a hole at the base of this stump! Wow! It's a tunnel that opens onto a system of catacombs! I think I can squeeze through-- Oh, well. I guess I can't go down there. I'll just have to skip that part of the game. Just a regular old stump. Looks like a regular old stump with the same red flowers that grow all over the forest. `DANGER: Open ravine.` It's a striking yellow color. Poor chickens... I'd better not. They're probably being saved for a pagan ritual, and I wouldn't want to spoil it. No thanks. I'd rather not touch any of this creepy voodoo stuff. Maybe no one will miss just this one thing... There surely must be a use for a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle, but this is not it. Poor little thing... Whatever it was. Now, THIS is the cup of a carpenter. Probably got a body in it. Looks comfortable, in a spooky sort of way. No thanks. I can never fall asleep in strange places. No thanks. I'd rather not touch any of this creepy voodoo stuff. Let's see, there's a jar of bat drippings... ...a box that says, `Assorted Scales`... ...a shaker full of monkey flakes... ...and some cat knuckles. Cat knuckles?!? How barbaric! Hmmm... I think I hear slithering inside. No thanks. Something would probably jump out and bite me. I can't. I'm o'feared of it. Kind of an emaciated Charles Atlas. Gee, I wonder what's in these baskets. Actually, I'm not THAT curious to find out what's inside. Probably poisonous snakes. No thanks. I'd rather not touch any of this creepy voodoo stuff. Poor chickens... No thanks. Haven't you ever heard of salmonella? What may I help you with, son? Yes? My name is Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty pirate. How much for this keen-looking chicken? Can you read palms? Am I going to be rich? I've changed my mind about knowing the future... spill it. Journey? What can you tell me about my journey? Neat place you got here. Guess I'll be on my way. Wait... ...don't say anything. I can sense your name is... ...is... ...Guybrush... ...Guybrush Nosehair. No... ...Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood. Am I not right? Wow! That was amazing. Do you know any other tricks? Lucky guess. I do not deal in tricks. What I know is the truth. Half the people I know are named Guybrush. I suggest you open your mind. It will help you in your coming journey. Ahhh... I sense the guilt of stealing my chicken grows. Take it. It's yours. Why don't you want it? Is it jinxed with an ancient voodoo curse? No... ...the pulley squeaks. So... ...my mindreading skills tells me it is your future you are interested in. Are you certain this is something you really wish to know? Yes! Tell me everything that's going to happen to me. No! Don't tell me a thing. Life should be unexpected and exciting. Suit yourself. I can tell, you grow tired. Go, please. Changed your mind, I see. Journey? What can you tell me about my journey? I thought you didn't want to know your future? Changed your mind? I am getting a vision... ...I see you taking a voyage, a long voyage. I see you captaining a ship. Yeah! I see... What? See what? I see a giant monkey. Yikes! I see you inside the giant monkey. Gross. Wait... ...it is all becoming clear. Your journey will have many parts. You will see things better left unseen. You will hear things better left unheard. You will learn things better left unlearned. What kind of things? I hate surprises. NO! The time is not right to know. When you know your purpose, come see me... ...I will let you know then. Yikes! I don't think she's going to be back again. Hello? Hey! I'm back and I'm ready to know more about the future. Guess I'll just be going now. Guess no one's here. So, you have returned to learn future. Yes, I must go after the Governor. Can you tell me anything that'll help? I see you with some others willing to help in your cause. You must first find others to help in your cause. Quiet! I am getting another vision. You must... Must what? You must go to Monkey Island. Once there, you will search for the Ghost Pirate LeChuck. He hides deep... ...deep beneath Monkey Island. There is only one thing powerful enough to destroy LeChuck. It's an ancient root. Once prepared, the root can destroy a ghost with one touch. Yeah! I'm getting more... ...more vision. Spill it! I see the Cannibals that live on the Island. They... ...are helping you... ...or eating you... ...I can't tell, the vision isn't coming in clear anymore. Great. Now go and find the one that loves you. But be warned... Don't worry, I'll watch out for LeChuck. Not of LeChuck... of yourself and what you will find. What you will find out about yourself and your world. It will terrify you. I give up! You win! UNCLE! UNCLE! Yikes! Nice move. Where did my sword go? Look behind you.. a three headed monkey! I said: ` OK, you win. Wow! You're good enough to fight the Sword Master. I give up! You win! What ya be wantin' ya scurvy lubber? Stoppin' a pirate can be dangerous to yer health. Move outta the way, or I cuts my way through! Aye, this better be importan'. Nice night we're having, isn't it? Why do you guys talk so funny? Ever notice how all these roads start to look the same? My name is Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die! You wouldn't happen to have a couple of pieces of eight... Sorry to bother you. I'll be on my way. I sure hopes ya had sumpting more importan' ta stop me for? Pirate Lingo! It's how everybody talked back then. Come on Guybrush, play along. Yeah! Now that you mention it, they do. It's probably just that we're tired. You're telling me. Get lost, ya beggin' skulk, before I cuts ya to pieces. I don't loan me money to no one, 'specially lubbers like yerself. Beggin's not becomin'. Ya oughtta go out and steal it like a real pirate. I just gave me last piece-of-eight to the pirate wanna-be down the road. He needed ta buy some breath mints. Bad. What an amateur insult! HA! Is that the best you can come up with? What's the matter? Just get out of swordfighting class? I'm insulted you'd even try to use that insult on me! That's not fair, you're using the Sword Master's insults, I see. I said: ` OK, you win. Wow! You're good enough to fight the Sword Master. I give up! You win! This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur! Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab! My handkerchief will wipe up your blood! People fall at my feet when they see me coming. I once owned a dog that was smarter than you. You make me want to puke. Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will! You fight like a dairy farmer. I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle! Have you stopped wearing diapers yet? I've heard you are a contemptible sneak. You're no match for my brains, you poor fool. You have the manners of a beggar. I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down! There are no words for how disgusting you are. I've spoken with apes more polite than you. I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today. My tongue is sharper than any sword. My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island! My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me! Only once have I met such a coward! If your brother's like you, better to marry a pig. No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do. I will milk every drop of blood from your body! My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood. I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape. My sword is famous all over the Caribbean! I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman! Every word you say to me is stupid. You are a pain in the backside, sir! There are no clever moves that can help you now. Now I know what filth and stupidity really are. I usually see people like you passed-out on tavern floors. Boy are you ugly! What an idiot! You call yourself a pirate! I give up, you win! And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT? First you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster. So you got that job as janitor, after all. Even BEFORE they smell your breath? He must have taught you everything you know. You make me think somebody already did. You run THAT fast? How appropriate. You fight like a cow. I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose. Why, did you want to borrow one? Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all. I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them. I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me. Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh? Yes there are. You just never learned them. I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion. Oh yeah? I am rubber, you are glue. I'm shaking, I'm shaking. Uhh... Could you repeat that? I didn't quite get it. I give up, you win! Do I look like a gopher? NONE SHALL PASS!! Ah! A red herring! Pass. You dare offend me with such a paltry amount? That will certainly attract attention... ...and it's worthless... ...but it's not what I want. That's pretty useless. But it's not what I want. I want something that will divert attention from things that are REALLY important. How about something saltier? I'm getting hungry waiting for you. How about something to eat? STOP!! You must pay a toll! You can't pass until you pay the toll! Stand aside, troll, I'm a mighty pirate. Oh, please, can't I pass? How much is the toll? How much did you say the toll was? Shouldn't you have eaten me by now? Look behind you! A mouse! Oops, sorry. I'll take the long way around. Boy, do you sound like a wimp. I don't like wimps. I'm not falling for that! Scuttle along, you scurvy sea slug! I'm not hungry. Hah! You're no pirate! Why, the town drunk could out-insult you on his back! (...and probably would.) Oh, yeah? I can out-insult anybody, you brainless clay doppelganger! Stick it in your ear, you great green garrulous grub! I'll just go and find out. Good day. Yeah! You know, you could stand a lesson or two if that's the best you can come up with. Not me you can't, you equally brainless silly little puppet! I once owned a dog that was smarter than you. Take THAT and stick it in your repertoire! Uh... ...errrr... ...ummm... Which ear, cudgel-breath? ...heh... What's so good about it? Well, what have you got? Some semi-rancid meat? A stew pot? A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle? Don't mess with me, troll, I'm a mighty pirate! 30 pieces of eight? A piece of eight? Nothing of consequence. Never mind, I have to go now. Fine. Begone. I want something that will attract attention, but have no real importance. Construction paper jockey shorts? A monkey leash with three collars? A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle? My old moss-covered three-handled family credenza? I'll try to find something like that. Bye. Don't be silly. You have three chances to give me what I want. Then... ...I eat ya! It's that eerie-looking ghost ship I saw sailing off with the Governor! He's pretty creepy. EEP! You scared me half to death! Balmy weather we're having, isn't it? Have a taste of root beer, you evil spirit! What happened to the ship? Would you please stop doing that with your head? It's always like that down here. Wait! If it's ghosts you're after, I can tell you where the others are! You'll never find out about the ship... Sure. Tell me where the ghost ship is. I think I'll zap you anyway. Please! I have a wife and three children! Don't you want to know where LeChuck and the other ghosts are? What did I ever do to you? But I'm a FRIENDLY ghost! Honest. If I tell you, will you promise not to hurt me? OK, I promise. No promises, ghost. I won't not promise to avoid refraining from harming you. OK. No stories, either. What? They all left for the wedding. What wedding? Where is the wedding? I've got to go after them! I give up. I'm tired of chasing them everywhere. Why are YOU still here? LeChuck is marrying the Governor of Mêlée Island. WHAT? But how will they... There's a lovely church on Mêlée Island. They're headed there. LeChuck is marrying the Governor! Marrying the-- Mêlée Island? Oh, no! My head fell into the lava there, and I had to chase after it... ...and when I came back they had gone! Shame, too. I hate to miss the wedding. I've got to stop that wedding!! What? You can't give up now! What kind of a hero are you, anyway? You're right! Bye! Wow! Hey, come on, we've got to get going! LeChuck is making off with your Governor again! Bob! What are you doing here? Oh, I missed the boat to the wedding. Hey! No problem! We can take mine! Let's go! ...hey... We'll need to scare up a ship first. How did you get in here without a head? What happened to your ship? It's in the shop. I'm not insured to drive it. My crew stole it and sailed to Ipanema in search of a tan. I sort of sank it with a rock a while ago. Oh. That's OK. We can take mine. You have a ship? If you have a ship, why are you waiting to be rescued? Will you take me to Mêlée Island? How did you get in here without a head? Yep. Why, heck, if you're stranded, you've GOT to be rescued. Says so in the rules. I'll lend you my ship, if you promise to rescue me with it. OK. I have a head. Let's go. Oh, there you are! We've been looking all over for you. We've got to get back to Mêlée Island! How did you get in here without using the head? You guys know this shambling see-through shade? No kidding. Yeah, we're out of sunscreen. What? Er... Well, I meant, that is, you don't seem to have a head, and -- WHAT? Heh, uh... Never mind. The one with the slippery grip on his head? You've got to get over this obsession with heads, Threepwood. Sure, he's an old pirating buddy. I say we give him a lift. Thanks, Otis. Come on, let's go. See you, Bob. ...hey... Bob! Hi, Bob! Hi, guys! Say, Bob, you're looking a little pale... Well, naturally I'm pale. I am dead, after all. Dead? How did that happen? Oh, the usual way, out for a day's plunder, ghost ship shows up, LeChuck kills everybody in the crew, and then signs us up on HIS ship. You know. Gee, that's too bad. Maybe you'd like to join us on our quest for the perfect tan? Well, that'd be nice, but I'm trying to catch a ride to a wedding on Mêlée Island. We were about to head back there anyway. You can come along. Great! This key doesn't seem to fit in there. It's a big, ghostly-looking key. Looks like Monkey Island. It's got little wriggling blue hairs in it. Yuck. No thanks. It looks like that creepy guy I saw on the upper deck. I think I'll just stay on this side of the room, where it's safe. Arrr... What be that noise? Who dares to enter the cabin of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck? The wind makes not such a creaking! Fear for thy life, ye who enters! Must be the wind. The ship sounds strange in these waters. Strange places -- strange noises. You'd better fear. Meanwhile... Deep beneath Monkey Island, the ghost pirate LeChuck's ship lies anchored in a river of lava. Captain LeChuck...sir...I... Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your face. No sir... Nothing like it... Ah... Sir... I... It's days like this that makes you glad to be dead. Oh, yes sir...glad to be dead... Ye are glad to be dead, RIGHT? Oh yes sir. I feel so lucky that you happened to capture my ship, then murdered me and everyone on board... ...yes sir... lucky. Glad to hear it. Now what was it you disturbed me for? Ah...yes sir...well, you see, we might have a problem on Mêlée Island. PROBLEM?!? What possible problem could there be!? I've got those sissy pirates so scared of the sea they're afraid to take a bath! Well... There seems to be a new pirate in town. Actually, he's a pirate wannabe. Young. Inexperienced. Probably nothing to worry 'bout. Don't know why I bothered you with it. I'll have him taken care of myself. Wait! I'll handle this personally. My plans are too important to be messed up by amateurs. Yes sir. I better just stay back here and eavesdrop. Hello again, Carla. I thought I told you to get lost. Actually, I'm here on business. This kid came into my store, see... Face it, you crusty old letch... ...you'd make any excuse just to come out here and bother me. Yeah, I guess so. Well, cut it out. I'm sick of it. Take a hike and don't come out here again. Someone might follow you, and then I'd become another Mêlée Island tourist attraction. Hey, it's your loss, baby. That kid keeps asking about you, Carla... Look... ...if you come out here one more time I'm going to cut off your head and spit down your neck... ...get it? I love it when you talk that way. Yeah, right. Now SCRAM. Well...I hope you're happy. You can go back and brag to all your friends about how you beat the Sword Master. You'll need proof... Here, this should convince them. I hope this teaches you a lesson. Now SCRAM! How dare you approach the Sword Master without permission... Which I surely didn't give you. How dare you approach the Sword Master with-- Oh, it's you again. I beg your pardon, I must talk to you. My name is Guybrush Threepwood. I've come to kill you. Hi, I'm selling these fine leather jackets. I'm back, and boy are you in trouble this time. OK, I think I got it this time. I return, fresh from a kill! Hi, remember me? I doubt that. Everyone who comes here is prepared to fight. Let's be honest: you're here to prove yourself to the Pirate Leaders, in hopes of one day being as immoral as they are. Yep, nailed it right on the head... gee, you're smart. But, as you have no sword... ...I doubt you're really serious. I can tell by the sarcastic expression on your face that you've been fully trained by Captain Smirk. I can also tell from the Mêlée Times' sports page that you haven't won a single fight. This would be nothing more then a waste of my time. I can also tell from the Mêlée Times' sports page that you've won only one fight. Not nearly enough to waste my time. I can also tell from the Mêlée Times' sports page that you've won only fights. Not nearly enough to waste my time. Let's get this over with. What was your final grade in Captain Smirk's sword fighting class? Uh... Grade? Class? You mean you came here to take on the Sword Master of Mêlée Island... ...possibly the greatest sword fighter in the entire Caribbean... ...without a single lesson in the art of fencing? Yep. How did you expect to defend yourself? Gee... I dunno. I see... ...obviously not with your razor-sharp wit. I'd advise you to seek out Captain Smirk's and get some real training. It would hardly be ethical, sporting, or even interesting to fight someone as unskilled as yourself. So beat it. I told you, I'm not going to fight you until you get some training. Nothing like being honest. Do you have one in size 3? Of course you don't! Because you're not really a jacket salesman! You've already got the T-shirt... What do you want now? Maybe I'd better just leave you alone. Good idea. I want to embarrass you at swordfighting again. I want us to make up and be friends. The Governor's been KIDNAPPED! Maybe I'd better just leave you alone. Ha! I only let you win because I was sick of you coming around. I thought you'd stay away, but I guess I was wrong. I want you to go away and leave me alone. What? That's ridiculous. What's this? Oh, no. This looks bad. Very bad. I'm getting a ship and a crew together to go rescue her. Hmmm... I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but count me in. I'll meet you at the dock. Good idea. What's this? Oh no. This looks bad. Very bad. I'm getting a ship and a crew together to go rescue her. Hmmm... I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but count me in. I'll meet you at the dock. I don't want that. It says 'I beat the Sword Master' I think I'll keep it in mint condition. It might be worth something someday. She looks like she's meditating. I don't think that would be wise. I'd better be careful not to cut myself. A priceless Ming! No time for reading now. It's beautiful. I still don't have a file. I'm not going back in there! I locked the sheriff in there! It says gophers won't come near you with this stuff on. I think it's some kind of religious text. They're yak-sized and covered with slobber. I'M certainly not going to chew on them. No staples to be removed. I bet this will come in handy. I don't recognize the man, but that looks like the dog in the bar. I don't recognize the man, but he has a great hat. I'll need this. But I'm not done with you yet! Uh-oh. Thought you could get out of here with the Idol of Many Hands, did you? Look, I can explain... So can I-- You poisoned the Governor's pet poodles... They're just sleeping! ...broke into her house... The door was unlocked! ...and stole one of her most valuable pieces of art! No, you've got it all wrong! Oh really? Well, let's hear your explanation. She said I could have it! I was just going to borrow it! It belongs in a museum! The pirate leaders told me to do it! I was just taking it out for a walk. Ha! What's going on here? I caught this hoodlum making off with your idol, Governor. He says you gave it to him! That's right. I did. He says he was just borrowing it! That's right. I loaned it to him. He says it belongs in a museum! That's right. It does. He says the pirate leaders told him to do it! Then he's not the first decent person they've led astray! He says he was just taking it out for a walk. Well, isn't that nice of him. What? You heard me, Fester. The real question is, how did he get in here while you were on guard? I... Uh... Just go away, Fester. I can handle this. Hmpf! I'll deal with you later. Sorry about him. He's new. I'm Governor Marley... I must be nuts! I've got the file... That should hold him for a while! If only I had a file I could get the idol! Phew! That was a close one. At least I got the idol. This looks like a job for Fester Shinetop! Where do you think you're going, - I'm going to go put this idol in my safe-deposit box. You know, it's not too late for us to make up and be friends. Excuse me, Mr. Shinetop, but you're blocking the doorway. Buzz off, Fester. Oh really? I know a really safe locker you could put it in... Davey Jones' Locker!!! Yeah... And it's also not too late for me to kill you and still make it to the bar for happy hour. I think you need to cool off. Hand over your sword. Uh-oh. Governor Elaine Marley. So, I gave you the idol, eh? So, you were just going to borrow it, eh? So, my idol belongs in a museum, eh? So, the pirate leaders made you do it, eh? Taking my idol out for a little breather, were you? Uh... Gee... Well... Gosh... Relax, Mr. Threepwood. I know why you're here. Believe me, you're not the first who's tried. Although, I have to admit, not many get as far as you have. Er... Um... Golly... Jeepers... My lookout told me of your arrival. I've wanted to meet you ever since I heard your fascinating name. Tell me, Guybrush, why do you want to be a pirate? You don't look like one. Your face is too... ...sweet. Blfft... Grlpyt... Hmlggd... Rldft... I see... Well, you're obviously not in the mood for idle chitchat, are you? I suppose you've got many more exciting things to do. I won't take up any more of your time, Mr. Threepwood. Bgglw! Mfrnkf? Dmnkly... --sigh-- I really wish I knew how to talk to women. Litterbugs. Sharp, though. Looks sharp. Rusty, but sharp. Actually, it's more like a fabulous doorstop. VERY sharp. Sharp and dangerous. Heavy and sharp. It's sharp. I'd better be careful. I can't reach it-- I'm tied to this stupid idol! I guess I'll be needing a sword. This one will do. Gee, I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath. Hey, Nick, I just committed a felony! Did it involve that big knife you've got there? Yeah! What should I do with it? Get rid of it! I'll throw it in the water! No, don't do that! Why not? I need to ditch it! It might wash up somewhere! What do I care? MY prints won't be on it! I'm throwing it in! ...naaaah. I might need it. See you. See you. It's called `How to Get a Leg Up in Treasure Hunting.` It's called `How to Get Ahead in Navigating.` It's called `How to Arm Yourself in Sea Battle.` Hey! It's a good thing you showed up. Ten people have offered to buy this baby off me while I've been standing here waiting for you. But I said, 'NO WAY.' 'I know a guy who's in love with this ship, and it would break his heart to lose it.' Am I right? Of course I am! I mean, just look at her! Sleek... ...aerodynamic... ...a buoyant, barnacle-covered beauty. I think we're having a real moment here. I've changed my mind. I can't give her up. You can have your money back. How could I sell something so dear? Then again, a deal's a deal, right? Right. Catch you later. Good luck. Enjoy. I'm outta here. Whoops! I almost forgot to give you this free seafaring literature. My gift to you. Just remember where you got it. STAN'S!!! Maybe I should have gotten that extended warranty after all. Hey, long time no see. Otis! I thought I'd never see you again! You little two-faced cretin! You tricked me. Have you come to be on my crew? Your Aunt Tillie makes lousy carrot cake. Oh, come on. Don't be bitter. I'm here to help. Not just for the money. Hey, I could never pass up a chance to make some easy money. Money? Yeah, we are getting paid for this, right? Boy, talk about a crummy attitude. Glad you could make it, Carla. Is it true what I heard about you and the storekeeper? How appropriate. You fight like a cow. You never did know when to use that one. Look, don't start with me, okay? So what's that waterlogged wreck doing out there? How are we going to get our ship in here with that pile of scrap in the way? Where's the cabin boy? I need him to go back to my place and pick up my bags. What's going on here? Where's our ship? Where's our crew? This isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Now, all I have to do is get these fish out of my pants. Now, all I have to do is show this stupid idol to the pirate leaders and-- You're alive! Governor! Hey, you can talk! Who'd have known? What are YOU doing here? Come to finish the job? No, I came down here to save your life. Fester wasn't acting on MY orders when he threw you in there. You came down here to rescue me? I didn't even think you liked me. Well, our first meeting was a little awkward... You seemed to have trouble forming complete sentences. But, then again, so do most of my citizens. But I'm not one of your citizens... ...I'm just a drifter, a nobody, a would-be pirate. Who would have known, or even cared, if you'd let me drown? I would have, Guybrush. Oh, Governor... Oh, Threepwood... Oh, Elaine! Oh, Guybrush! Love muffin! Sugar boots! Honey pumpkin! Plunder bunny! Kiss me! No! We mustn't! What? Not here, where everyone can see us. Why? Are you ashamed of me? No, no, it's not that at all... It's just that many of these pirates have made advances toward me. And to avoid hurting their feelings, I've always told them that my father made me promise never to fall in love with a pirate. If they see us together, they'll know I was lying. Okay then, let's go to your place. Okay. But finish your trials first. I don't want you to be... ...preoccupied. But... I feel this sudden urge to complete the trials... ...quickly. What was that? I'm so confused. Hey! What are you doing just standing around? The Governor's been kidnapped! What? By whom? LeChuck's got her on that ship that just sailed off. He caught her alone when she came down here to rescue you. I'm afraid we've seen the last of her. So where were you this whole time? Sleeping? Where did they go? Why don't you think we'll see her again? I'll go get a crew and a ship and go rescue her! Hey, I'm a lookout, not a bodyguard. That's not going to be easy, you know. LeChuck's taken the Governor back to his hideout on Monkey Island. I'm afraid that no pirate on this island is brave enough to follow him there. But, hey, good luck. Oh yeah, I almost forgot... They left this note. You can have it, but I don't think you'll like what it says. Oh, Governor... Why did you have to risk your life for me? Maybe you cared for me more than I thought... ...Just as I now realize how much I care for you. It's my fault the Governor's in this mess, and I swear I'll get her out of it... Even if I have to sail to Monkey Island myself to get her! Yikes! Hey! Wait a second! Could I interest you in some root beer, sir? I'm selling this fine mouthwash. Want to see a neat trick? Swill THIS, creepy-crawly! Root beer? Oh, boy! I LOVE root beer! Is it mint-flavored? I only like the minty kind. Gosh, yes! I LOVE magic tricks! Is there a dove? Foul-smelling grog to swill? Swell! Cool! This is the end of the road, my little pantalooned pal. Your troublemaking days on Mêlée Island are over. My plans for the Governor are far too important... ...and much too near completion... ...to risk letting a would-be pirate like you get in the way. So long, Mr. Spicecake, or Droopface, or whatever your name is. Hmmm... This might actually turn out to be a pretty good day. Good to see you, son. How's the ship? If you're interested in trading up, I can give you a fair price for it. Howdy, pardner. You know, just by looking at you, I can tell you're a man of the world. A man with an eye for quality. A man who knows a good bargain when he I never get tired of this view. Even if I HAVE been looking at it for twenty years now. Even if it is the ONLY view on the island. This is an old friend of mine, the one I sailed here with. He's lost weight. Never looked better. That Monkey Head's some piece of work, eh? Nasty case of yellow waxy buildup, though. Oh, hi! I was just looking for the natives, to get them to return my banana picker... ...but I can't seem to find them. Look at that fabulous ship out there! Did you come in that? Did you come in the ship I saw out there? You're braver than you look. Actually, it looks a lot like a ship I used to own... Yes, it IS a nice view. I don't care for it myself. What happened to him? He looks pretty bad... I saw a monkey leaving here. He must have done it. Er, sorry. I would have knocked, but I couldn't find a door. I knocked. You must not have heard. Yes, it's quite impressive. What? I got taken by a guy named Stan... What do you mean, `braver than I look`? Leave me alone, would you? Um... I'm afraid I must be going now. Pressing business, you know. -- hee hee -- Don't be a jerk. Oh, nasty accident. He was trying to put up a swing. It'd be a great tourist attraction, if anybody could ever find the island. Well, that's OK. Next time be more careful. Stan of Stan's Used Ships? On Mêlée Island? Heh heh heh heh Hey, don't knock it. It's the only one I've got. You never saw him when he was still alive! You don't fool me, sonny. Oh, nothing. Never mind. Are you some kind of a castaway? What do I look like, the caretaker? Listen to this guy: Am I some kind of a castaway? Heh. I thought this island was uninhabited. Who are you? Who are you talking to? I think I'd better go now. Well, you thought wrong. Me? Why, the people watching, of course. Um... sure. My name's Toothrot. Herman Toothrot. I live here. Well, not RIGHT here. In the fort on the volcano. Were you stranded? You think I stay here for my health? Hoo, boy. How did you get stranded here? So you're not the only one on the island? You're the only one on the island? Did you lend something to the cannibals? I'm Guybrush. I'm here to rescue someone. You say you got a key from the locals? I have your banana picker. Why don't you just give me the key to the Monkey Head? What happened to your pants? Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to. Yes, me too. -- hee hee hee -- Well, I sailed here with a friend of mine twenty years ago. We hoped to discover the Secret of Monkey Island. But my friend met with a horrifying and tragic accident... ...which claimed his life... ...and I couldn't sail the ship back by myself. I trained a bunch of chimps to crew the ship and sail it back to Mêlée Island. They were supposed to get help and come back for me... ...something must have happened. How come you didn't just go with the chimps? WEEKS on a boat full of monkeys. Oh, joy. I'm the only CIVILIZED person on the island. There's a native tribe of hunter/gatherers-- --well, HEADhunter/gatherers, actually-- --but I don't talk to them. They ARE cannibals, but they're not dangerous... ...unless you lend them something. Well, here I am. Glad you came to rescue me-- --though you might have been a bit earlier. The fine on that overdue library book should be pretty big by now. Let's go. Oh, fine, DON'T rescue me. I like it here. The rain on my head, the wind at my back... ...the bugs on my plate... Um... Well, perhaps I could take you back, too... Oh, that's no problem. I'm sure she's on the ghost ship, in the secret underground hideaway. Really? How do you know this? How can I get there? Easiest way in is through the big monkey head idol. I went in there myself, years ago. You'll need a key to open the thing up. I got one from some of the locals. ...but I've got to rescue the governor, first. I think she's on that ghost-ship underground. Oh, OK. I lent my banana picker to them, and they never gave it back. As collateral they gave me this enormous cotton swab. It opens the Monkey Head, see? It opens the big monkey head idol they worship. Not like I ever need to go into the Monkey Head... ...but if they want it back, I've got to have my picker first. It's a matter of pride, you know? I told you about them borrowing my banana picker and never returning it, right? What pants? No, I need it to get back my banana picker. Hey, thanks! I thought I'd never see this again! Here, you can take this key to the Monkey Head back to the natives. OK. And don't worry, I won't use it or anything. No, thanks, I've got one. Sure wish I could find it, though. What the heck will I do with that? Hey, BREATH MINTS! This is what I miss most about civilization. Money's not much good here. I've already read enough memos to last a lifetime. No thanks, I have my own, although someone threw them into a chasm. What the heck will I do with that? It's printed on letterhead! `To the Monkey Island Cannibals:` `Please stop moving this.` `It is delicately balanced.` `--Herman Toothrot` `Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly injured someone who was putting up a swing on the banana tree on the south beach.` `Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly sank a passing ship.` `--the Cannibals` `Kindly keep the noise level down.` `--The Monkey Island Cannibals` `P.S.--` `We saw you taking that woman with the scarf down there!` `...but could you please refrain from leaving messy sacrifices on my porch.` `Also, please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey Head.` `--G.P. LeChuck` `To the ghost pirate LeChuck:` `We must protest your 'acquisition' of our voodoo antiroot.` `We realize that it presents a hazard to you and your crew, but this is thievery!` `--The Monkey Island Cannibals` `Herman--` `Please return our key to the Monkey Head.` `--the Cannibals` `Cannibals--` `I'm not giving you bloodsuckers your key to the Monkey Head until you return my banana picker.` `--H.T.` `I think we have a case here.` `We can probably soak them for emotional distress and possibly punitive damages as well.` AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!! Howdy! I just knew you'd be back! I knew you wouldn't be able to get that little beauty out of your mind! Come on. Let's go take another look at her! Great to see you again! I knew you'd come back! Everybody does! You know WHY they come back? I'm Stan of Stan's Previously Owned Vessels. ...and I'd stand on my head to make you a deal. What sort of craft are you looking for? Big? Little? Fast? Slow? You want it, I got it. And if I don't got it, I'll get it. I want to make you a deal that YOU'RE happy with. Because if YOU'RE not happy, I'M not happy. But I KNOW you're going to leave here happy today. How do I know? Just look at all these ships! I've got something for everyone! Come take a look around! So what else can I show you? So tell me-- What are you interested in looking at today? Let me see the best ship you've got. Uh... could I see that red one again? Something not too expensive, but built to last. Uh... could I see that Viking one again? I really don't have that much to spend. Uh... could I see that cheap one again? That spiffy blue one by your office looks nice. Uh... how much do you want for yours? Actually, I'd like to go think about it some more. Hey, it's nice to meet a man who appreciates quality. Affordable quality? Hey, that's my motto! Have no fear! Every ship I sell is a bargain! But if you're looking for a real steal... I've got JUST the boat for you! I knew it! I knew it! Just can't get her out of your mind, can you? Sure, sure. You're obviously an educated guy who wants to make an educated decision. Sure! No problemo! After all, I've got nothing better to do than haul my butt up and down this dock showing guys like you the same ships over and over again all day long! Why not? I got all day! Walk this way. Now this... This is a ship fit for a king! I mean, we're talking fifteen staterooms--a fireplace in every one. We're talking two pools--one indoor, one outdoor. We're talking rotating ballroom. We're talking heated crow's nest. We're talking two hundred feet of ocean-going decadence. And all for one low price. Speaking of price... Now here's a ship... ...that's definitely worth a second look. Now, I can see you're a no-frills kind of guy. But I can also tell that quality means a lot to you. I mean, just look at the way you dress. Rugged. Like this baby. She comes from a land far to the North... ...where the sea is as unforgiving as the men are tough and-- --hey, you wouldn't happen to be from there would you? You just seem to have a sort of Nordic quality about you... Anyway, we're talking about a real value here... Can't keep your eyes off her, can you? This here is the famous `Sea Monkey.` --The only ship ever to make it to Monkey Island... ...and come back with anyone aboard left alive. Or, should I say, anyTHING. You see, the previous owners of this ship were two adventurous pirates. They set off, like many before, to find the legendary Secret of Monkey Island. And, like many before, they disappeared forever. Their fate--a mystery. Almost as mysterious as how this ship returned to Mêlée Island without a single human aboard. Some claim it was sailed back by a crew of chimps. Chimps? There aren't any chimps in the Caribbean! Oh, shut up. It makes a good story. Anyway, this baby's mine now... That is, until someone makes me an offer. Hard to stay away from a good mystery, isn't it? I told you, it's not for sale! Geeze, you're annoying... But, hey! So am I, right? Of course it does. It's mine. And it's not for sale. What ELSE can I show you? How much would you like to spend? Let's talk about money -- YOUR money. Just how much were you looking to spend today? What kind of price range were you thinking of? Money is no object! Actually, I was hoping to get one on credit. Oh... no more than  Actually, I don't have any cash. All I have is this rubber chicken. I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it? On second thought, this may not be the ship for me. Well, it is with me. How much you got? Sorry, kid. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. That's just old Stan's philosophy. If you've got a job, the storekeeper in town might extend you some credit. Then we'd have something to talk about. Unless, of course, you've already got some other means of financing...? No cash? No problem! I think we must be talking about completely different ships here. You've obviously been out of the ship market for quite some time. I'm glad this ship doesn't have ears, my friend. Because if she did, she'd slap your face. Look... This is a very reasonably priced ship... but not that reasonable. I don't think you've got the cash for this transaction either. You do have SOME other means of payment... Don't you? I doubt you're carrying enough cash on you for this transaction. You wouldn't happen to have any OTHER means of finance, would you? Is it one of those rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle? I already got one of those. I'd love to. I really would. I USUALLY do. But not for the amount this baby's going to run you. Maybe one of the other ships would be more in your price range. Hey, of course! Your credit's always good at Stan's... It doesn't matter if you've had credit problems in the past... Divorce... Bankruptcy... Chronic gambling mishaps... I mean, who am I to judge, right? If the storekeeper trusts you enough to give you a letter of credit... ...then you must be an honest man with a steady income, right? Uh... right. Well heck, I can understand that. Nothing wrong with being indecisive. Even if it is a waste of my time. Okay, but I got five other guys coming to look at this baby today. Don't count on it being here if you change your mind. Of course it isn't! You're looking for a much bigger boat, I can tell. Okay, but I tell you, I got a feeling... ...you're going to leave here today with a new previously-owned vessel! Sure, sure. Think it over. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. Bye now. Did I already give you my card? Here. I'd better give you another one just in case. No, no, no. I've got plenty, really. Suit yourself. Just don't forget my name: STAN!!! Don't worry. I won't. I forgot to give you my card. ...and here's something else to remember me by. An extra strong magnetic compass-- With your picture on it... That's right! It always points directly back here, so if you're looking for a good deal, you know where to go! I'll be right here when you come back, But I can't guarantee that any of these ships will! Right. They're moving fast today! Yessiree... Can't hardly keep anything in stock. He'll be back. Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we? Pretty soon you're going to have to make me a serious offer, you know. I know you want it... ...you know you want it... ...and I know that you know that I want to sell it, so... I'm going to be getting a whole new shipment next week, so you got me over a barrel. I've GOT to sell this baby, even if it means losing my shirt. Just tell me, what would it take to get you to sail this ship away... TODAY? You realize, don't you, that they just don't make them like this anymore. Buddy, you can tell me the truth. It's the little woman, isn't it? You're afraid of what she'll say when you come home with a new ship. Don't be such a wimp! Stand up to her! She'll respect you for it. And when she sees this ship... ...she'll LOVE you for it. Trust me. I don't understand. I THOUGHT you were interested in this ship. I'd let you take it for a little spin around the harbor, but our insurance company won't let us. I'm on your side, buddy. It's my boss that's the real miser. Maybe you haven't realized the fact that this is the only ship lot on the island. I'm just thinking of my kid's education fund, here. Let's talk extras. I'd like to make you an offer. Well, what do you think it's worth? Forget it. I don't need this boat anyway. Extras? You want to talk extras? Great! This baby's LOADED with extras! For instance... Did I tell you about the porthole defoggers? Did I tell you about the anti-lock anchor? Did I tell you about the rack-and-pinion rudder? Did I tell you about the velour sail covers? Did I tell you about the tack-o-meter? Did I tell you about the elevator made with wood from burgundy wine casks? Did I tell you about the simulated wood siding? Gee, Stan, that does sound useful. I think I can live without that particular piece of junk. Enough about extras, already. And well worth the money, too. That's why it's already included in the price! I knew you'd eventually see things my way. Okay, but don't blame me if you run into an iceberg or something. Sure, throw safety to the wind. Well, I guess it'll float without it... ...barely. Hey, travel light, I can understand that, sure. Of course, mutiny is an ugly word... Wow, does your wife know you're such a cheapskate? Yeah, I guess that IS kind of decadent, isn't it? Okay, but I'm telling you: Barnacles HATE simulated wood. Okay, where were we... But wait, there's more! Great! How much? I'd like to pay 2000 pieces of eight. I'd still like to pay 2000. How does 3000 pieces of eight sound? Does 3000 sound any better now? Okay, okay. 4000 pieces of eight. Did I already say 4000 pieces of eight? All right! 5000! But that's my final offer! 5000! And that's my FINAL final offer. Actually, I'd like you to squirm a little more. Sure. Hey! That's my job, isn't it? That's still not enough money. Inflation works in the other direction, you know. Sure, I guess we can start out at the bottom. I got all day. That's a little bit more like it... ...but not much. I think we're working in the wrong direction, here. I know you can try harder than that. TWO THOUSAND LOUSY PIECES OF EIGHT!?! Three thousand pieces of eight!?! Four thousand pieces of eight!?! Five thousand pieces of eight?!? You could sail this puppy away TODAY, for just Ê Fine. Be that way. See if I care. Now, wait a second! Don't go away mad. I'm sure we can work something out. Well, maybe you're right... Sorry, Stan. I'm outta here. Of course I am. Now, where were we? Oh yeah. Okay! Okay! It's killing me, but okay! And I thought I was going to give my children Christmas presents this year... Just take it out of here. I'm GLAD to get rid of it. Oh yeah, do you have that note from the storekeeper on you? Thanks. And here's something for you to remember me by. An extra strong magnetic compass-- With your picture on it... That's right! It always points directly back here, so if you're looking for a good deal, you know where to go! I've got to run these numbers by my boss... ...he'll think I'm nuts, but I'll talk him into it. You meet me at the dock with your crew. I'll bring the ship and the papers. I just want to say that I really feel like we got to know each other today. I mean, I really felt some bonding here. And I don't just say that to everybody! It's been great doing business with you. Really. (Sucker.) See you at the dock, and don't forget your crew. All three of them. Now that's a nice-looking vessel. `I sold a ship! Can you believe it? I'm off on a long vacation spending some poor sucker's money! Arrivederci, baby!` -Stan WELCOME TO STAN'S PREVIOUSLY OWNED VESSELS! I'm off searching the globe right now for the finest in previously-owned marine transportation. Have a look around, I'll be right back! -Stan I'd better not. Gee, maybe I should have bought this one... Cute, but small. Gee, maybe I should have bought this one... Looks like one of those well-engineered imports. Gee, maybe I should have bought this one... Dull, dull, dull. STAN'S PREVIOUSLY OWNED VESSELS `I won't shut up until I've made you a deal!` -Stan It may not look like much, but it's mine. I'm surprised this one is still afloat. Gee, maybe I should have bought this one... ...nah. Ah, a fixer-upper. Grog... Diet Grog... Cherry Grog... Grog Classic... Caffeine Free Grog... ...and Root Beer. It's already on. And let all the grog get warm? No way. There must be a more honest way to get some spare change. Gee, I wish I could have bought this one. Spiffy. `When you set sail for good value, all winds blow towards Stan's!` (WARNING: Contains strong magnet which may interfere with other navigational equipment.) I'm not sure, but I think it's pointing towards Mêlée Island. It's pointing towards Stan's. Nothing. ...if there be any man with reason that these two...ÿ...er...ÿ...people should not be united in blissful matrimony...ÿ...let him speak now or forever hold his peace. The groom isn't a gentleman! The groom isn't a human! Elaine! STOP THE WEDDING!! Hey!! Who's that? You! I've come to stop you from marrying Governor Marley. Please don't kill me. Take THIS, you vaporous voodoo vermin! I've just remembered an appointment at the dentist's. How do ye plan to do that? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill ye. Take WHAT? Are ye trying to bribe me? Ye'll need one when I'm through with ye! Governor! Governor! What's going on? Oh, Guybrush, you mad fool! I'm impressed that you came to rescue me, but it really wasn't necessary. I had everything well in hand. Unfortunately, your arrival has made it necessary for me to tip my hand early. How did you manage to escape? I thought LeChuck was going to marry you. If you're here, then who's that in the dress? ...how... ...who... ...but... ...what... ...I... ...um... Oh, that was easy. LeChuck is a bozo, Hey! and lots of his crew members were friends of mine, when they were alive. Yes, so did I! Yes, so did he! But I arranged for a little surprise when it came time to kiss the bride. What? Don't scare them! They have my ghost-zapping root beer bottle! Oh, I'll get it! ...oops... Nice going, Guybrush. Now I've got to chase them down to get my voodoo root beer back. ...but... ...I... ...er... ...hey... You dared to come here and confront me! I can't believe your audacity! Well, I can't believe your stupidity. I had to stop you from marrying Governor Marley. Please don't kill me. Take THIS, you vaporous voodoo vermin! I've just remembered an appointment at the dentist's. Yeah? Well, I can't believe your frivolity. Well, I can't believe your mobility. Well, I can't believe your fragility. Well, I can't believe your enormity. Well, I can't believe your atrocity. Well, I can't believe your alacrity. Well, I can't believe your virility. Well, I can't believe your felicity. Well, I can't believe your validity. I'll marry her yet! How do YOU plan to stop me? I'll whack you with a rubber chicken. I'll douse you with my sticky seltzer bottle. I'll offer a bribe for your bride. I'll use my spear and magic helmet. I must be going, I'm double-parked. Hah! Booty for my beauty, eh? Many have tried that and died for their effort. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill ye. It wouldn't be nice. I'm wired to explode if anyone tries to kill me. I have a wife and three children. How's THIS for a reason, eh? I heard that! Huh? I grow tired of you. You'll never menace decent, tangible pirates again, you billowing bag of... ...of... ...of something that begins with `b`! Uh... ...now hold on a minute, there, friend... ...I was only kidding, you know? ...we can settle this like gentlemen... Oh, no!ÿIt's JAMMED!ÿMust be pocket lint. Er...ÿ...say, now...ÿ...let's not be hasty... Hey... Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that! Sorry. That's OK. You know, LeChuck was a deviant, obnoxious, slithery, creepy-crawly sort of a guy, but I'll say one thing for him... What's that? He sure looks nice exploding against the night sky. Yes, it's very romantic. Can I buy you a root beer? Sure. Actually, I'm a bit sick of root beer. There's more at Stan's-- While I was in the machine over at Stan's-- Gosh, I hope Stan's OK... I wish my crew could have seen this... You know, I completely forgot about Herman Toothrot! At least I learned something from all of this... What's that? How to deal with frustration, disappointment, and irritating cynicism. It's not the size of the ship... Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game. That sounds like something my husband would say. Yikes! Yes, I've heard that one. A what? I don't know, I'm not sure why I said that. Hey... Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that! Sorry. That's OK. I need to light it with something. I need a fuse. There's no place back here to put the gunpowder. That isn't going to work. There's no fuse. D‚ja vu! That isn't going to work. I have no desire to blast myself out to sea. No way! I'll crack my head open when I land! It's much too dangerous to climb out there for no reason. It's tied down. What a buncha lazy pigs. What was that? Nothing. Yeah, what I wouldn't give to be able to hang them. I don't feel that doing this is going to help the situation. I have a feeling they're not the ones being used around here. I don't think violence is the answer... ...although it'd make me feel better. What was that? Nothing. It's too far to walk to, and besides, I can't swim. WOW!!! This was well worth $59.95 + Tax Through the courageous leadership of Captain Freep -er- Threepwood, the Sea Monkey is finally underway. Undaunted by their lack of navigational equipment or expertise, the crew begins to plan their voyage. First of all... I'd like to say it's great to be working with such a fine crew. The voyage ahead is not going to be easy.ÿIt's going to take skill, endurance, and most of all...ÿTEAMWORK. First I thought we'd assign some duties. What is it we were suckered into doing again? I made a list. 'Suckered' is right. I don't see what the big deal is with rescuing the Governor. She can clearly take care of herself. The way I look at it... We've got this GREAT ship... ...well... ...we've got A ship. Why don't we kick back, tie a rope to the wheel and cruise for a while. I could use a little work on my tan. Come to think of it, I've been a little stressed out lately. I could use a rest. Then it's decided... ...we cruise the Caribbean. --sigh-- Hey look... ...we've made it to Monkey Island. Let us know when you've found the Governor... ...we've got an extra chair she can use. I don't think they are going to be much help. You got it. I don't think they're going to be any help. What was that? Nothing. Hey guys, what's happening? Is there anything I can do to get you guys to help me? I hear the weather's pretty nice over by Monkey Island. Hey! I found a map to Monkey Island. I'm going to give you mutineers five seconds to come to your senses! I think I'll be getting back to tending the ship. Beat it, Guybrush. Nice try, Guybrush, but no banana. Then I'm going to start kicking some butt! Excuse me Guybrush... ...does the word 'keelhaul' mean anything to you? I see your point, thanks. Keelhaul /Kˆ(e)l-hol 1: to haul under the keel of a ship as punishment or torture. Er, excuse me Guybrush... ...you're blocking the sun. So? Yeah! So? Holy Monkey Bladders! It's Monkey Island. Cool! I think I'm going to get seasick. It's shut tight. It's full of crap. I hope I don't have to eat this. Looks like your run-of-the-mill ship's cooking pot. I'm not putting anything else in that pot! I don't have a recipe. I wouldn't know where to begin making soup. Just a drop. Umm...This is going to be good. That should be enough. Good thing I've got a million of these. I love cinnamon. About time I got rid of this worthless artifact. I think I have enough fiber; I'll just hold on to this. No way! I worked too hard for this money! This cheap plastic compass is too neat to throw away. This sea-faring literature could make good reading; I'll keep it. It's hot enough as it is. I don't want any of this soup. I paid good money for this; I'll hold on to it. Nice and hot. Ouch, that's hot! Come to think of it, they're only dancing lessons. Why burn perfectly good food? Yeah, like I really want to kill myself. I may need this later. I'll just burn them all. I don't think it's going to catch fire. Ouch, that's hot! Hmmmm... I loved this stuff when I was a kid. I liked the way it chewed up the roof of your mouth. GREAT! A toy prize inside. I'm too sick to eat any more. Hmmmm... I loved this stuff when I was a kid. I liked the way it chewed up the roof of your mouth. It's about the same size as my head. I'm only going to put this on if I REALLY have to. Yikes! It's already burning. I wouldn't want to set that on fire. This is no prize! It's a small key with a finely engraved monkey on it. It's a small key with a finely engraved monkey on it. This key doesn't seem to fit in there. I feel awful. Fsspt. Grrfk. Psspert. Aaak. Blfftp. I have nothing important to write. I never do. It looks like ballpoint feather pen. It looks like an empty chest. It looks like an old treasure chest. It's too heavy to carry anywhere else. Hey look! A piece of paper. The chest is empty. It's that heavy metal chest I carried over here. Man, that's heavy. Filled, no doubt, with gold and jewels. It looks like a very heavy metal chest. The cabinet's already open. It seems to be locked up tight. It's the Captain's fine oak cabinet. There is a old, dusty book inside. Let's see what it is. It's empty. Looks like that Captain's drawer. It's the top of a cereal box, used as a bookmark. It's made! Must be `dealer-prep.` There'll be time for that later. I'm doomed. What a fine looking flag.ÿShivers me timbers just looking at it. What I wouldn't give for a nice, big, water balloon right now. It's shut tight. WOW! Gunpowder! I think I'll take some. I'll take some more. I've got enough gunpowder for now. They look like kegs of gunpowder. It's a d There's some VERY fine wine in here. I'll grab it. It's empty. It looks like an old pirate's chest. They're rusted shut. They're just old rusty trunks. They're empty. They're just old empty kegs. Looks explosive. They're all rusted shut. They're just old rusty chests. It's rusted shut. It's just an old rusty chest. Ah, nice bouquet. I think it needs to breath at room temperature for a while longer. I'm no enologist, but judging from the deep red color... ...this is a very fine wine. Yech!!! The unmistakable stench of Monkeys!!! This whole ship smells like hot, sweaty primates. I knew I should have taken it for a test sail. It says:ÿ `Captain's log, March 10th.`ÿ`First mate Toothrot and I have been searching for Monkey Island for over a month with no success.` `The directions we purchased on Mêlée proved to be a recipe, not a map as we had believed.` `Captain's log, March 12th.`ÿ`I wish Toothrot would take a bath.` `Captain's log, March 17th.`ÿ`I wish Toothrot would stop snoring.` `Captain's log, March 23rd.`ÿ`Toothrot is really starting to get on my nerves. I figure it's only a matter of time before we come to blows.` `Captain's log, April 2nd.`ÿ`As a gesture to restore our friendship, Toothrot offered to fix dinner tonight.` `Captain's log, April 3rd.`ÿ`I don't know how we did it, but we've arrived at Monkey Island.`ÿ`Both Toothrot and I passed out from the soup he fixed last night. When we awoke, Monkey Island was sitting off the bow.` `Captain's log, April 4th.`ÿ`Toothrot and I filled the rowboat with supplies and are ready to set out to Monkey Island.` `We are both excited at the prospect of being the first civilized people to learn the Secret of Monkey Island.` `Captain's log, April 5th.`ÿ`We had to turn around and return to the ship. Toothrot forgot to go to the bathroom before we left.`ÿ`We'll set out again tomorrow.` That's the last entry. DIRECTIONS TO MONKEY ISLAND!!! Pre-heat pot to 450 degrees Add the following ingredients: 1 Cinnamon stick 4 Leaves of Mint 1 Human Skull (pressed) 1 squirt Squid Ink 2 pts Monkey Blood 1 Live Chicken 3 oz. Brimstone 1 or more of the following: pyridoxine hydrochloride,zinc oxide, yellow 8,mine mononitrate and BHA. Let bubble over low flame until thickened. Serves crew of four. Overcome by the fumes and stench, Guybrush quickly loses consciousness. Moments later the voodoo spell kicks in, turning the ship to an unknown heading and off on its mysterious voyage. Days pass... It's printed on letterhead! `To the Monkey Island Cannibals:` `Please stop moving this.` `It is delicately balanced.` `--Herman Toothrot` `Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly injured someone who was putting up a swing on the banana tree on the south beach.` `Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly sank a passing ship.` `--the Cannibals` `Kindly keep the noise level down.` `--The Monkey Island Cannibals` `P.S.--` `We saw you taking that woman with the scarf down there!` `...but could you please refrain from leaving messy sacrifices on my porch.` `Also, please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey Head.` `--G.P. LeChuck` `To the ghost pirate LeChuck:` `We must protest your 'acquisition' of our voodoo antiroot.` `We realize that it presents a hazard to you and your crew, but this is thievery!` `--The Monkey Island Cannibals` `Herman--` `Please return our key to the Monkey Head.` `--the Cannibals` `Cannibals--` `I'm not giving you bloodsuckers your key to the Monkey Head until you return my banana picker.` `--H.T.` `I think we have a case here.` `We can probably soak them for emotional distress and possibly punitive damages as well.` Looks like a giant cotton swab. I'd better leave it here. They look like they're almost ready to fall off the tree. Mmm. Those are some luscious-looking bananas! I bet you can see the whole island from there. That's that place with the great view. Deep. Dark. Forbidding. That's strange... It says `Sea Monkey`. Some bananas fell off the tree! It's yellow. It's yellow. Looks like a giant cotton swab. It's yellow. I can paddle it with these oars. I don't have anything to paddle with. ook ook ook eep eep Hi! I'm Herman Toothrot! Don't bother to say hello. I've only been waiting twenty years to talk to somebody civilized, I don't mind. Fine. By the way, you might want to think about putting out that fire. Someone could be hurt. `NOTICE OF PUBLIC MEETING` `There will be a meeting Wednesday evening to discuss the recent occupation of the Sacred Monkey Head by the ghost pirate LeChuck...` `...and the subsequent impact on the environment and the tourist trade.` `All Monkey Island cannibals are encouraged to attend.` It's rusty. I don't think it will work. There are three holes in it. Black and explosive, just the way I like it. I've got enough. Black and explosive, just the way I like it. Good, strong stuff. There's a nifty lens in it. Nothing to look at here. WARNING: Objects in spyglass may be farther away than they appear. My feet look bigger through this. Hey, nice spyglass. Looks just like -- Say, where IS my spyglass? Oh, perfect. I'm gone five minutes and somebody comes in here and dumps gunpowder all over the floor. Naturally I don't think YOU had anything to do with it. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that you came in here to prowl around right after some MYSTERIOUS person dirtied up my nice clean floor. Hi! I'm not bothered a bit by the fact that you waltzed right into my home without bothering to knock. What the heck will I do with that? Oh, sure. Walk to the sun. I don't want to blind myself! I'll take this flint, too. I'll take this interesting rock, too. I'm no geologist, but judging by these conchoidal fractures... ...I'd say this is a piece of flint! As I said, it's flint. I'll check out this note while I'm at it. Flint works best with things made of steel. It's too shady over here. It's either an incisive representation of the futility of man... ...or it's a log and a couple of rocks. It's the same rock I put there. It looks like someone put this here on purpose. It was enough trouble getting it over here. I don't think I want it. Wow! Looked like it hit the big banana tree on the beach! I bet the odds against that are incredible! It came close, but I don't think it'll hit it again. That shot was one in a zillion! I'll just put it here. There's already one there. What would I want with a big rock? It seems to be a jump rope. What a cute little skull. Nothing happened. I think that's how I'll end up if I don't get out of here soon. And to think I almost ended up like that. No thanks. They've still got some meat on them. I don't think hanging myself is the answer. I can see underneath the hut! Looks loose. What? I think I can use the door now. What a cute little skull. Nothing happened. I can't get through it. It doesn't open. It's already closed. I don't think I need any more bananas. That banana is already picked. There are no bananas to pick there. It says, `If found, please return to Herman Toothrot.` I might fit through that hole, but I don't think this banana picker will. Well, look at this. It looks like instructions on how to get a head! We could give him our head, and use these instructions to get ourselves a new one! Yes, I suppose we can give you this now. Looks pretty good for a dried up old head, doesn't it? We keep it wrapped in this magical necklace that makes it invisible to ghosts. Oh, look. I think he likes you. Just follow his nose, and he'll lead you to LeChuck's hideout in the catacombs. Then get the root from LeChuck and come back here... ...and we'll mix up a batch of our special, enzymatic ghost-dissolving solution. And you can pour it on LeChuck like salt on a slug! Yeah! Good luck. Wait! What? I don't even know where the entrance to the catacombs is! Oh yeah, it's the big monkey head on the east side. You can't miss it. Have fun! I can't whip that out in here. I'd better put the necklace back on the way the natives had it first. Hmmm... I don't think it's picking up anything. Nope. Nothing. Hmmm. Some nice, juicy bananas! It's yellow. It's yellow. I think they're waiting for me to give them something. I think they're having a serious discussion. I don't think he'd work very well if I did. I'd rather pick on someone my own size. I think it wants me to go to the left. I think it wants me to go to the right. I think it wants me to go to the front. I think it wants me to go to the back. I think it's a little confused. I don't think it would work very well if I did. I don't want to touch it any more than I have to. It's slimy and goopy and it's around my neck. It's slimy and goopy. It wouldn't be a good idea to take it off here. He already has it on. I think I'd better hang on to it. It wouldn't be a good idea to take this off here. You can't have it. It's mine. I don't need it here-- No ghosts around. I can't put it on now--I've got the head whipped out. He's babbling to himself. Filthy and without pants, as usual. That might not be wise. Why? It's empty. I can't see inside from here. But I'll bet it's empty. Looks a little overripe, except for those nice, juicy bananas! Nothing left but bad fruit. All I want are these bananas. The other fruit looks a little bit past its prime. No thanks. The rest is no good. In a primitive, yet effective way, it's locked. I think I can go in there now. It looks big and empty. It's already open. I don't want to get any closer to that thing. It might be booby-trapped. Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just glad to see us? You've got a lot of nerve stealing from the notorious Monkey Island cannibals! You're cannibals?! Well, yes. Although, lately we've been trying to stay away from red meat. Only for health reasons. We're still as vicious as ever. Especially with tourists who try to steal our stuff for souvenirs. Well, what do you have to say for yourself? Ah, the banana thief returns to the scene of the crime. Maybe we should just eat him right now. Do you have any idea how much cholesterol is in one of these things? Now then, how did you break out of our hut and why did you come back? Well, well, well. You're quite the escape artist, aren't you? I told you we should eat him. How you get out is almost as much of a mystery as why you keep coming back. The real mystery is why he's not simmering with carrots right now. I don't know if this is getting boring for you, but it sure is for me. What now? Don't eat me! I'm a mighty pirate! Don't eat me! I'll give you anything! Oh, go ahead and eat me. See if I care. Look behind you! A three-headed monkey! That means his skin will be leathery and his meat tough and stringy. You are of no use to us, nutritionally speaking, but... Yeah, yeah. We know. Anything? Hmmm... Okay... Hey, whatever you say! Ha! We're not going to fall for that old trick AGAIN. Hey! Do you really think we're that stupid? I wouldn't push it if I were you. I guess we'll eat you now. Unless... If you had some sort of offering for us... ...something that we could pass on to the Great Monkey... ...we might be persuaded to let you leave here uncooked. We'll give you one more chance to trade something of yours for your freedom. Well? Ah, the key to the Great Monkey. Thank you very much. Why don't you hang on to that for now. Ah, one of those newfangled magnetic compasses. Too high-tech. Yeah, give me a good old-fashioned disembodied head any day. We couldn't take that. You've already given us so much. We appreciate the natural fibers, but no thanks. A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle? No thanks. We already got one of those. Sorry, we already have PLENTY of those. Ha! Your currency means nothing to the Great Monkey! Do you really think we want that after you've had your grubby paws all over it? Thanks, but we already have one of our own. I don't think the Great Monkey would like that. We already got one of those. Yuck. No thanks. Now what would the Great Monkey do with THAT? Come on, you can do better than that. Do you have anything of a more spiritual value? That's hardly an artifact worthy of the Great Monkey. Obviously you have nothing for us. We might eat you, we might let you go. We'll have to talk about it with the village nutritionist. Come. Let me show you our guest hut. THAT should do it. Hey, wow! This is impressive! LEMONHEAD!!! Take a look at this. Oooh, that's nice. Simple. Just like one of mine. And little. Like mine. And it says, `Made by Lemonhead`... ...just like one of mine! We should take this to the Great Monkey. Yes, I agree. We are very grateful to you for this fine gift. If there's ever anything you need on Monkey Island, just come see us. You ain't going nowhere until you give us something. Yep. Still empty. It's an empty hut. This hut is VERY empty. Boy, this is the emptiest hut I've ever seen. No two ways about it--this hut's empty. I'll bet if I looked up `empty` in the dictionary, there'd be a picture of this hut! Have you come back to let us repay you for your fine gift? Well, actually, there is something... No thanks. Generosity is it's own reward. Bye. Well, if there's ever anything you need from us, just let us know. Thanks. What a guy! Tell us. What is it? I'm looking for somebody. I need a ship. Can you guys crew a ship? Money. I want money. On second thought, you've already done so much... How did you get here if you don't have a ship? Well, this big rock fell out of the sky... I see. Say no more. Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have a ship. No, we stay away from sea travel. It's just too hard to get all the vitamin C you need when you're on a ship for extended periods. That's not exactly what we had in mind. Is there anything ELSE we could do for you? Here? On Monkey Island? We're the only people living on Monkey Island. Well, the only civilized people. That's okay. The people I'm looking for aren't living. That's okay. The people I'm looking for aren't civilized. Whoops. Guess I came to the wrong island. Excuse me. I'm looking for 30 dead guys and one woman. I don't think I want to hear any more about it. Wait, maybe he's talking about those dead pirates. Oh yeah. THOSE guys. Then you've seen the ghost pirate LeChuck and his cadaverous crew? Those jerks have been bugging us for months! Zooming around here in that creepy ghost ship of theirs... ...wailing and moaning until all hours of the morning... ...scaring away all the cruise ship business. Normally, when we have problems with the undead, we just cook up our standard potion of exorcism and be done with it. So why don't you do that now? What's in your standard potion of exorcism? Give me the potion! I'll use it on LeChuck! Where are LeChuck and his crew hiding? We can't. Why not? Well, the main ingredient of the potion is a very rare root... ...in fact, there's only one in existence. We only use a little bit at a time, you see. But LeChuck stole the whole thing! Where is he hiding it? How do I get to these catacombs? What's in your standard potion of exorcism? LeChuck came in here and stole your root? What a cad! I'm off to find LeChuck and get the root! Oh, and I suppose stealing bananas is any better? The Great Monkey himself is the gateway to the catacombs of the underworld. He's in a place beneath this island... ...somewhere in a huge system of catacombs... ...a hellish place filled with the wailing of tortured souls trapped forever in the rock... ...where the walls bleed and the air is thick with the rancid smell of pure evil. Tourists used to line up for hours to see it. What happened? Health department shut you down? Can't you just go down there and kick him out? And then LeChuck came and ruined everything, right? Sounds neat. Can I see it? No, we lost the key. It was stolen! Well, we loaned it to a hermit who lives on the island. And until that crusty old pantless weirdo brings it back, we're keeping his banana picker. Sorry, but it's just not that easy. Trying to find LeChuck could be very dangerous. You'd never find your way through the catacombs without the-- Hey! Ixnay on the Eadhay of the Avigatornay! The what? Nothing. Nothing. What's the Eadhay of the Avigatornay? Why are you guys talking in pig Latin? Oday ouyay avehay away apmay ofway ethay atacombscay? Oh, come on. Tell me. I gave you the idol. Orrysay. Onay. It is a very nice idol. I see he is baffled by our native dialect. Good. We could at least tell him what the head does. Well, it's a navigating tool-- It's a head. It was once attached to a navigator. We've kept it alive magically so we could take advantage of its innate sense of direction. Getting through the catacombs without it is impossible. But it's our only one, so you can't have it. I guess we have nothing to offer you. And after he gave us that nice idol, too... Feel free to come to the Great Monkey and visit your idol any time. So anyway, Lemonhead, what was that you were saying about tropical oils? Well... Excuse us but we're in the middle of a serious discussion. I know, but I really need that navigator head thing. I told you, we only have one. We don't know how to get another one. Sorry. I told you, you can't have our head. We don't know how to get another one. Hello, Mr. Navigator. Hello. You're not going to bug me about my necklace again, are you? Okay, we're here.ÿNow what do you want from me? Hello, head. May I please have that necklace? Thank you for leading me to the ghost ship. Thanks again for leading me to the ghost ship. Well, it's been nice. I'll just put you back now. Hello. Is there something I can do for you? Hey, no problem.ÿWhen you only have one job...ÿyou do it well. Know what I mean? I get the feeling you're about to ask me for a favor. Where? None of your business. Yes, I understand. No, but thanks for asking so politely. Why can't I have it? Oh come on, pleeeeease? Pretty please? Pretty PRETTY please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Maybe I'll just take it... I don't want to have to hurt you... What're you going to do? Bite me? If I wanted to I could dropkick you into the lava. Fine. I didn't really want it anyway. Good, 'cuz you ain't gonna get it. I've got a bad feeling about this place.ÿI think I might need it. Look, don't be a nag, okay? You can beg all you want, but you can't have it. Oh, all right, you big baby.ÿYou can have it. Maybe you'd better not. And I don't want to have to make you regret it. Remember, you need me to get out of this place.ÿIf I wanted to I could strand you here forever. On second thought... Hey, what good's a necklace if you don't have shoulders? ...and no, I'm not getting squeamish. I'd LOVE to eat the guy! So let's do it! But think of your arteries! We ARE cannibals, for crying out loud! Yeah, but cannibals have to watch their saturated fats just like everyone else. If I have to eat any more fruit my head's going to turn into one big citrus! No offense, Lemonhead. The second largest ear I've ever seen... ...and also the dirtiest. Yech. Definitely the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen! There's no place to stick it in. What a cheap piece of mass-produced tourist crap. On the bottom it says 'made by Lemonhead'. I doubt anyone will miss this piece of junk. Take that, you cheap piece of garbage. I can't whip that out in here. I'd better put the necklace back on the way the natives had it first. Hmmm... I don't think it's picking up anything. Nope. Nothing. Why, that's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen! Yipes. Eep. It won't go that way. Wow! I don't think I could get it to stay on there. `PRIVATE PROPERTY` `Worshipping is permitted, but please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey Head.` `-- G.P. LeChuck` Boy, he must be tired. Ook Ook Eep Shish keBob Shish keJoe Shish keLarry The artist carved his name on it: `Made by Red Skull.` `Made by Sharptooth.` What was that??? Hey! What a cute little ghost dog. I'd better leave him alone. What a drunken slob! I'd better leave him alone. It says: `TOOLS AND BRIG` `KEEP OUT` Yikes! Uhh... You wouldn't happen to have a root I could borrow? I've come to interrogate the prisoner. Excuse me, but is this the Lido Deck? I think I'll be running along. It's just an opening, there's no door. It's just an opening, there's no door. It's already open. There's no way to close it. It's a bottle of ghost grog. I think I'd rather save it. It looks like a bottle full of grog. I can't get it away from him. He looks sound asleep. Even ghost feet smell. This key doesn't seem to fit in there. It's a big, ghostly-looking key. Looks like Monkey Island. It's got little wriggling blue hairs in it. Yuck. No thanks. It looks like that creepy guy I saw on the upper deck. I think I'll just stay on this side of the room, where it's safe. Arrr... What be that noise? Who dares to enter the cabin of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck? The wind makes not such a creaking! Fear for thy life, ye who enters! Must be the wind. The ship sounds strange in these waters. Strange places -- strange noises. You'd better fear. Gross! Look at them eat!!! They look like chickens. I can't find a ticklish spot on his body. It's a feather. It's a feather from a ghost chicken. I'll just grab this old root and be on my way. It's an empty voodoo antiroot crate. I don't see anything special about it. Except that big glowing voodoo antiroot inside. It's an empty voodoo antiroot crate. This should do it... I can't get inside it. It's nailed, chained, bolted, roped, glued, and welded together. It's already open. There's a keyhole in it. It's locked tight, must be something important down there. It's locked. It's twisted and dried up and not very impressive looking. It seems to be filled with some carbonated fluid. I don't think it's very useful in it's present form. Not now. It's already open. It's a vat of cooking grease. Yech, it's all over my hands. I've had enough. I'm trying to cut down on my saturated fats. Yech, it's all over my hands. I've put enough grease on it. This should stop it from squeaking. I don't think that's going to let me slip by. That would just gunk it up. It's an empty dish. I'm not going to pick that up... ...it's covered with rat slobber. I think these rats have had enough. I don't think that's a good idea. It looks drunk. It looks drunk. That's the biggest ghost rat I've ever seen. I'll just pour it in this dish. I don't think he wants that. I'm not going near that monster rat. I can't find a ticklish spot on his body. It's a feather. It's a feather from a ghost chicken. It's already open. There's no way to close it. It's a bottle of ghost grog. I think I'd rather save it. He's asleep. I don't want to wake him up unless I have some of that anti-ghost potion to defend myself with. It's big. It's locked. I can't get to it. That big ghost's in the way. Hey! I bet the Governor's in there! I can't get to it. That big ghost's in the way. Oh good, more inventory. They're glowing ghost tools. A long walk, a brief row, and a short hike later... I did it! I got the root! Wow! Look, he's not kidding! Here it is! He's not such a wimp after all! Come on, lets go make the brew of the fermented root. Wait here. We'll be right back. Nice monkey. I got the root. I'm not such a wimp after all. I'd love to have you stuffed. I'd make a fortune. There it is. One squirt of that stuff and the ectoplasm really hits the fan! And, if you have any left over, it's delicious with a little vanilla ice cream. Good luck. Thanks. After some more furious paddling...