Polly wants a cracker.
SQUAWK
BRAAAK
Gee, Captain Marley, where should we bury the treasure?
OK, let's go over it again so no one forgets where we buried the treasure.
No, no, no, that's not right.
Oh, the heck with it. Let's make a map, and tear it into four pieces.
I want my granddaughter to marry a REAL man, a CAPTAIN. Not a washout like you.
Head due east from the pond to the dinosaur.
Head north from the dinosaur to the pile of rocks.
Head due east from the rocks to the X.
What a big organ!
I don't know how to play.
`THRIFTY-DIG -- For the treasure hunter on a budget.`
I can't dig that, Daddy.
I'm rich.
Yup, it's Largo's.
I don't want to do the bone dance here.
It's blank and kinda soggy.
Largo's been here.
Eeeeu.  Yuck.
That's sick.
It's too soggy.
I don't want to touch it.
It's too soggy to do anything with.
I don't want to touch it with my hands.
I don't think Dread's map will help me navigate this swamp.
`Great recipes from the International House of Mojo. Page 139
The door is already open.
Mr. Guybrush Threepwood Arrested for infractions too numerous to list.
It's empty.
OK.
Mr. Willy Gorilla Arrested for grinding his organ in public.
It's empty.
OK.
`Beware of Parrot`
`Made in Hong Kong`
It's a crazy straw.
I don't want to suck that.
It IS a nice pole.
That's disgusting!
`When the tears come, shouldn't you be prepared? -Stans Previously-Owned Coffins.`
`Stan's Kozy Krypts -- A Place to Spend Eternity, Not a Fortune.`

Guybrush Threepwood Arrested for infractions too numerous to list. Claims she was framed.
It's empty.
OK.
It doesn't seem to open.
I can't move it.
Nice @.
I don't see anything special about it.
I can't pick that up.
I can't reach that from here.
That doesn't seem to work.
I'm not holding the @.
I'm not holding the @.
Hmm.  This door appears to be locked.
He's cute.
I don't want to hurt him.
I don't think he can use that right now.
Jojo already has a job.
Jojo's too into his music to notice.
I don't think that will work.
I wouldn't want to do that to an innocent monkey.
I don't want to disturb him.
I don't want to hurt him.
It's a plastic recycleable bottle of near-grog.
I'll only drink part of it.
I don't want it to go stale.
I don't think it was meant for that.
`Ash-2-Life The Un-Cremating Cream -- Now in a convenient powder!`
`Steamin' Weenies!`
I don't think it'll work there.
`International House of Mojo.`
It's got some stuff in it...
...a doll...
...a beard...
...some underwear...
...a bone...
...a used hankie...
It's open.
I don't think that will do anything.
I don't think that will do much good in there.
`Close cover before striking.`
There are no more matches.
I'm no pyromaniac.
It's lit already.
I'd better not.
`Instructions: 1) light fuse 2) throw at target
No. I want to save it for Elaine.

It's a jungle in there.
I don't think I ought to do that.
There's a little dent in it where I hit my head.
He's meditating.
Thank you my son, but I want for nothing.
I don't think he notices me.
It doesn't seem interested.
It's empty.
It looks kind of old.
It's open.
It's closed.
It's a low-sodium cracker.
It's dry.
It's full of fresh, clear water.
It's full of seawater.
There's no more cracker mix.
This water is too salty to use with low-sodium cracker mix.
I'm not in the mood for a swim.
It's full already.
It's a moonshine still.
It's empty.
The still's empty.
I distilled this already.
It's empty, and there's a cap on it.
I'd better be careful with this.
It's not a twist-off.
It's about as open as it's going to get.
It's got a cap on it.
The cap fell off when I broke it. Maybe I could use that martini glass on the beach.
The cap fell off when I broke it.
'Welcome to Dinky Island' 'home of the treasure of Big Whoop.'
It's shaped like a giant slug.
It's shaped like a giant pencil.
It's shaped like a giant boomerang.
I don't think I ought to do that.
They say `anchovies` on the top.
Ick, no, they smell like anchovies.
They're already closed.

Hi, Herman.
Herman Toothrot!  What are you doing here?
Word up, Herman.
Oh, hi.
I've been waiting for you.
What do you mean you've been waiting for me?
What are you doing here?
I think I have an answer to the philosophical puzzle you posed for me.
Could you teach me some philosophy?
I'm looking for a treasure.  Have you seen any?
I think I have better things to do than talk to you.
Our meeting comes at this, the final moment of my existence so far. All else has been in anticipation of this event.
I think you will find that the concept of 'better things' is the frailest of illusions.
Do you always say things like that?
Do you mean to tell me that your WHOLE LIFE has been merely a prelude to meeting me here today?
What happens now that I'm here?
You're weirding me out, I gotta go.
Nothing I say is ever the same, yet it is all said the same way.
Yours too. But see, already the moment passes.
Now our meeting is nothing more than another note in the grand overture to the next passage.
The moment has passed, and we face the future.
As you wish. You will return.
There are many treasures here, found and unfound. The beauty of the ocean, for example.
I was thinking more along the lines of monetary gain.
Actually, I'm looking for the treasure of Big Whoop.
Yes, that's quite true.
Or the treasure of the past, seen in the rings of trees or the half-remembered cacklings of a parrot...
...the treasure of the future, waiting in the seeds of mangoes and the eggs of the platypus...
...dreams that bring us messages from afar which we are too simple to understand, and stars that do the same...
...and may not riches be found in the words of one who has explored the veiled inner worlds of the self?
Speaking of which, I am taking on students for a limited time.
Money is seldom a treasure, my friend.
Big Whoop? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.
...and of course there's the treasure of patience...
I'm teaching philosophy here.
Right here, on the beach?
What sort of philosophy are you teaching?
How many students have you got?
That's nice, but I think I'd best be off now.
Sure beats a Tibetan mountaintop. I can go surfing when things are slow.
Neo-existentialist Cartesian Zen Taoism. It's all the rage at cocktail parties this year.
Well... ...none, at the moment. But as soon as word gets out that a guru such as myself is teaching in a beautiful locale like this... ...I'll have to beat them off with a stick.
Just let me know if you want to learn a little philosophy.
OK, here's a Zen koan for you.
A philosophical puzzle. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it... ...what color is the tree?
Alright, what is it?
Brown?
Blue?
Forest Green?
Red?
Cyan?
Lavender?
Magenta?
Puce?
Aquamarine?
Taupe?
Burnt Sienna?
Raw Umber?
Sepia?
Mulberry?
Periwinkle?
Orchid?
Turquoise?
Peach?
Plum?
Aubergine?
Teal?
Mustard?
Cabernet?
Slate?
Smoke?
Brick?
Coral?
Chartreuse?
Cherry?
Wisteria?
Raspberry?
Vanilla?
Asparagus?
Cranberry?
Sangria?
Eggshell?
Driftwood?
Sumac?
Alpaca?
Storm Grey?
Evening Haze?
Tarragon?
Sachet?
Venetian?
Juniper?
Drizzle?
Sweet Potato?
Bayou?
Manilla?
Macintosh Grey?
Mange?
Sharkbite?
Sashimi Green?
Ebony?
Ivory?
Menthol?
Sahara?
Salmon?
Oxblood?
Khaki?
Fuchsia?
Robin's Egg?
Ash?
Spice?
Copper?
Weathered Pewter?
Vermillion?
Metallic Burgundy?
Russet?
Cadmium White?
Cerulean?
Thalocyanide Green?
Ochre?
Deep Purple?
Beryl?
Hot Pink?
Oatmeal Heather?
All colors?
I give up.
Nope.
No.
Nah.
Not even close.
Not exactly.
Think about it some more, and come back when you have an answer.
Exactly! Now, what has this experience taught you?
I'm very impressed, it takes most people years to reach this point. You have learned all that you can from me. Go forth into the world with confidence. I won't even charge you a buck.
There are some crackers in here.
Hey, there's a cracker in here.

That must be the treasure of Big Whoop!
I might knock it off.
Looks as shaky as the one I'm standing on.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Shaky.
They look sturdy, apart from being all bent up.
I can't get up there.



I don't want to dull the blade.
I don't want to gunk up the blade.
My scoutmaster would kill me if he saw me use a knife like that.
I'm rich.
It's little, mean-looking, and ugly. Just like Largo.
Maybe I'll just use these regulation voodoo pins that came with the doll instead.
I should use the pins the voodoo lady gave me.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range.
Sharp.
I don't want to pin him.
I don't want to disturb them.
I don't want to pin her.
I don't think I should pin that.

I think it's yo-yo string.
I don't think Dread's map will help me navigate this swamp.

I've played with that enough.
I think I'm too clumsy to hold the stick and tie a knot at the same time.
It's a stick.
`Beware of Parrot`
I feel pretty.
He likes it where it is.
It may be old, but it's still shiny and sharp.
I don't think I should cut that.
It looks better, stronger, faster.
I don't think that needs a paddling.
It's a yellow drink in a broken glass.
It's a crazy straw.
I don't want to suck that.
It's a blue drink in a broken glass.
It's a red drink in a broken glass.
He's cute.
I don't want to hurt him.
I don't think he can use that right now.
Jojo already has a job.
Jojo's too into his music to notice.
I don't think that will work.
I wouldn't want to do that to an innocent monkey.
I don't want to disturb him.
I don't want to hurt him.
I don't think I should hammer that.
Good practice, but I think I need some wood.
It says, `Woody.`
I don't think I should nail that.
Good practice, but I think I need some wood.
Nothing like a pocket full of nails to keep you on your toes.
It IS a nice pole.
The sign says `The Booty Boutique.` `Mementos, Souvenirs, Artifacts`

Gee, I wonder if it's loaded.
Hey!  Don't touch that!
We only set that off when the mail boat comes in.
What are you looking at?

What?
I think she'd slug me.
Capsize Charters, glass-bottom boat for sightseeing or special-interest voyages. There's a picture of her on it.
What a piece of junk.

Hello again.
Hello there.
I just stopped by to say hello again.
I said HELLO THERE.  My name's Threepwood.
I'd like to introduce myself.  My name's Threepwood.
What kind of mishaps were there at the treasure hunt?
Hey, old man.  How about blowing off the cannon?
And what are the official purposes of this cannon?
Whatcha lookin' at?
You don't have a brother named Marty, do you?
Nothing.  Never mind.  Bye.
Well, I'm off.
Maybe I'll just wait until you do.
Oh, why hello there Threepwood. You in town for Mardi Gras?
Oh yes.  Well, are you enjoying Mardi Gras?
No, I'm on a treasure hunt!
Hey, if it's a party, I'm there.
Is this the right time of year for Mardi Gras?
What kind of mishaps were there at the treasure hunt?
That's where I'm going right now.  Bye.
You kids today...
...always on the go-go-go.
What?  They doin' a treasure hunt again this year? I can't believe they'd try that again after all the mishaps last time.
Dang!  There goes all my fun.
I meant a REAL treasure hunt.  You know.  For money.
What kind of mishaps?
Well, I'd better let you get back to work...
Well, if it's a party your looking for...
Son, it's always Mardi Gras on Booty Island.
Well, if it's fun you're looking for...
Well, there's always Governor Marley's party.
I hear Governor Marley is having some super shindig up at her mansion.
Marley?  That's funny.  I used to date a Governor Marley.
How do you know so much about parties?
Maybe I'll just go up there now.  Bye.
Yeah, live it up while you're young.
Yeah, live it up while you're young.
Oh sure... And I'll bet you helped her beat LeChuck, too.
You'd better believe it!
No, I beat him all by myself!
Don't laugh.  I've got the proof right here...
You're right.  I'm lying.  I'm so ashamed.
Hey, hey, kid.  It's OK. Mardi Gras is the time for fantasy.
Now just run along and enjoy yourself.
I used to be the governor of this island. But I never had any time to come down here and enjoy the party.
So I quit, and now I watch out for the mail boat. Which reminds me, I have to get back to work.
For money? Look, son, this ain't some back alley on Phatt. If you're looking for gambling you've come to the wrong place.
Well, some people got carried away... ...some graves got dug up... ...horrible business.
How about just blowing off? My name is Augustus DeWaat, not `old man.` And this cannon is for official purposes only.
I watch the sea, and when the mail boat arrives, I blow this cannon.
Dang ship's three days late.
Boy, the only Marty I know is Marty Graw!
Mardi Gras! It's a joke, boy, a joke. You are here for Mardi Gras, aren't you?
Well, enjoy Mardi Gras.
Sorry son, didn't have my horn out. Could you say that again?
Eh, what was that?
You talking to me, boy?
You again? Still mumbling, I see.
Speak up! There is a party going on, remember.
What was that? Are you lost?
How am I supposed to keep my ear to the sea with you bugging me all the time?
Eh?

Cruises!
Sightseeing!
Sunken Galleons!
Glass-bottom boat!
Check it out!
See the world!
Three-hour tours!
Last day before I leave for Phatt Island!
By the way, my name's Guybrush.
Hi, my name's Guybrush.
Could I have one of those leaflets?
I'm ready to head out again.
I'm ready to set sail!
I'm interested in chartering a ship.
Are you the same Kate who bought all the near-grog at the Bloody Lip?
I'm searching for the treasure of Big Whoop.
I just remembered I'm late for a party.
I'm Captain Kate Capsize.
Like to charter a ship? I do weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, you name it.
Yeah, OK.
Hey, these things cost money.
Great!
Not many people want to charter a glass-bottomed boat around here. Pretty soon I'm off to Phatt Island to try my luck there, but let's talk turkey first.
Yeah, and you can't have any of it, so don't ask.
You and everybody else on this island. If you need a ship, you know where to find me.
OK, show me where you want to go this time.
Yeah? When I was first mate on the Limping Limpet we went in search of Big Whoop. We'd heard it was buried under a place called Blinky Island. Never found the island OR the treasure.
The captain eventually died of boredom while we were crossing the Sea of Beige Flotsam. Hope your luck is better.
My fee is 6000 pieces of eight.
As I mentioned, my fee is 6000 pieces of eight.
Don't you think 6000 pieces of eight is a bit high?
I'm afraid I don't have any money.
All I have is 1 pieces of eight.
OK, I'll pay you the 6000 pieces of eight.
Do you give credit?
I'll come back later.
No, I don't.
Well, perhaps you'd better get some.
I guess you'd better find some more, then, huh?
You've chartered yourself a ship.
My name's Kate Capsize, I'll be your Captain.
Are you ready to leave now?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
OK, I'll be here.
Yeah, I'm hot to find the wreck of the Mad Monkey!
Yeah, let's blow this popsicle stand.
No, I need to take care of a few things first.
I'm not sure where I want to go.
Have you got a course planned or anything?
Let me know when you're ready to head out. I'll be here.
You'd best figure that out, then come back and let me know.
I don't need any more money from you.
I take it you want to charter my ship. All right, that's six thousand pieces of eight.
Thanks! You've just chartered yourself a ship!
If you want to charter my ship, it'll cost you six thousand pieces of eight.
I don't recognize this at all. You'd better take it to an expert.
Thanks, I've already got some.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I have a treasure guarantee policy with all my charters. Since you came back empty-handed, we can go out again, free of charge. Just let me know if you want to go.
Let me know when you're ready to try again.
Well, congratulations on your find, Guybrush. Be sure and tell any friends you might have about Capsize Charters. See you around the turnpike.

Hmmm...  Maybe THAT'S the mail boat.
That sounds like the mail boat! I'd better fire the cannon!
That oughta do it.
Course, I don't see no mail boat...
Well, where's the mail boat?
Thought I heard it...
Was THAT it?
Uh... Maybe?
I see.




`Great recipes from the International House of Mojo. Page 139
Aunt Helen's Special Voodoo Doll Mix:`
`Something of the Thread... ...something of the Head...
...something of the Body... ...and something of the Dead.`

Well, well, well. Guybrush Threepwood. You do turn up in the strangest places.
Err... Hi, Elaine. Do you think you could help me out?
How did you get into this mess?
It's kind of a long story.
That's OK, I've got time.
*sigh*
Well, it all started on Scabb Island. Some of my admiring fans had pressured me into telling my LeChuck evaporating story once again...


She looks kind of surly.
I wouldn't want to. She's not my type.
Bad idea.
Everything looks all blurry.
Looks powerful.
This looks like a lighthouse on a beach.
It doesn't open.
It's already open.
Uh-oh, it's stuck. I think I broke it.
It's not open.
Looks like a normal ladder to me.
There are so many books here... I'll never be able to find anything.
I don't want to carry that many books with me.
I don't think that would be a good idea.
I can't read that fast.
What, every single one?
They look closed to me.

Excuse me...
Hi, I'm looking for a book.
Want to hear a fantastic ghost story?
SHHHH!!!!
This is a library!
WHISPER!
Now, what is it?
Pardon me, Miss.
What do you want this time?
I'm looking for a book.
Why do you have a model lighthouse here?
Sorry.  I didn't mean to bother you.
Then why did you?
There's a new lighthouse being built in town.
That is a scale model of what it will look like.
It's very attractive, for a lighthouse.
Does it work?
Why do you need a lighthouse?
Yes, and it will be very bright, too. It will have one of the most powerful magnifying lenses in the Caribbean.
I'd show you with the model, but unfortunately the bulb has burned out.
It wouldn't be much of a lighthouse if it didn't, now would it?
Oh! Yes, normally the model works, too. The bulb is burned out right now, but there's a scaled-down lens inside.
We're tired of rebuilding the wharf every time a boat goes through it. That's why it has to be very bright. It will have one of the most powerful magnifying lenses in the Caribbean.
Do you have a library card?
No.
No, how do I get one?
I must have left it in my other pants.
Well, would you like one?
Yes, what do I have to do?
No, thank you.
Then stop wasting my time.
But you DO have one?
Well... no.
Certainly.
I'll have to issue you a temporary card.
I said you could only check out four books at a time. You'll have to give some back before you can check out any more.
What book are you looking for?
Do you have '
I'd like '
Could you find '
I need '
I don't know, what have you got?
I won't be needing any more books just now.
Whoops, I've just remembered an appointment.
You already have four books checked out. You'll have to give some back.
You've already checked that book out, Mr. Threepwood.
You've already checked that book out, Captain Dread.
You've already checked that book out, Mr. Toothrot.
That book has been checked out by Governor Phatt.
OK, here you go.
That's your limit. You'll have to give some books back before you can check out any more.
Anything else?
Don't slam the door on your way out.
Remember, books are the treasure of the mind.
Remember, silence is golden.
Please put the lens back in the lighthouse.
You expect me to name every book in the library?
Use the card catalog like a normal person.
I'll need some personal information.
Name?
Guybrush Threepwood.
Captain Dread.
Herman Toothrot.
Address?
221B Baker Street.
10 Downing Street.
1060 West Addison.
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Age?
Ummm... twenty-one.
Errrr... twenty-one.
Ninet --uh--, twenty-one.
Occupation?
Consultant.
Free lance.
Unemployed.
Pirate.
Vices?
Nose picking.
Jaywalking.
Murder, arson, thievery, that sort of thing.
I see.
All right, here's your temporary card.
All right, your library card will be mailed to the address you gave me.
In the meantime, take this temporary card.
You may check books out of the library, but only four at a time.
That's about as many titles as I can remember anyhow.
Thank you.

Please put that back where you got it.
No thank you.
SHHH!!
This is a library!!
Please, be quiet!!
You're disturbing people!
Lower your voice!!
This is not `hog-calling` practice!!
I won't ask you again!

Zelda Carbuncle Tells All
Animatronics
Under the Surface
X Never Marks the Spot
Vagueness as an Art Form
Idealism or Surrealism?
Beverages for Everyone
Both Hands Empty
Both Hands Moving
Both Heads Empty
A Fistful of Barnacles
Lick the Silver Spoon
Me and Blackbeard
The Time I Blew Up LeChuck
Yikes!
Unusual Birthmarks
Breakfast at Meathook's
How to Make Friends and Influence People
How to Serve Your Fellow Man
Guide to Cheeses of the World
The Sinister Beast Under the Bed
Treasury of Pirate Children's Stories
Alfredo and Bill's Excellent Adventure
Damn the Human Torpedo
Great Expectorations
Junk, Junk, and More Junk
Noteworthy Pirate Foods
Viscous Fluids You Can Make at Home
Crochet Eyepatches for Fun and Profit
The Code in My Nose
Great Shipwrecks of Our Century
Facinating Facts About Scurvy
Shipboard Diseases
Dog English Dictionary
Preparing for the Pirate Aptitude Test
Quiet on the Set
Tomato Worms
Origins of Pirate Words
Summer Swashbuckling Fashions
E Ticket
Five More Than I Needed
Hedgehog Days
Not So Much as a Doubloon
Very Very Short Stories
Easy Ways to Make Money
Big Book of Fish
Limpet Fishing: The Lost Art
I Married A Muenster
Life-Size and Larger
Rats as a Protein Source
Hal Barwood on Monkey 2
Fan-Tan Fanatic
Kings of Shuffleboard
My Mother the Cart
How to Make a Jackalope
Properties of the Elliptic Hyperboloid
When I Blew Up LeChuck
Where I Blew Up LeChuck
Why I Blew Up LeChuck
The Shirt Off My Back
Popular Punishments for Grave Robbers
I Am Blackbeard's Liver
Careful With Those Cannonballs!
Rememberance of Molly
Bad Puns For Bad Pirates
Dumb Pirate Jokes
So You're Going To Be Executed...
Pirates' Favorite Ice Cream Flavors
Tikis of the South Pacific
Igloo Construction Made Easy
The New Tax Laws
How to Give Great Indian Burns
The Complex Complex
The Story of Jello
Our Spineless Cousins
Kangaroo Court
Cow-Tipping Enthusiast
My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma
Keelhauling: Methodology and Practice
The Little Organ That Could
Kleptomania
Hip Lingo for Pirates
Louse Ranching For Fun and Profit
Afternoon at Meathook's
Rock and Raunch
Damp Damsels of the Deep
The Sailor and the Sea Cow
Theory and Practice of Bone Breakage
Cubic Lemniscate Formulas
The Steath Sailer: Why It Won't Sail
Make Easy Money at Home
The Majesty of the Sierras
Elvis Lives
Grammy Award Winners of the Renaissance
Volume First
World's Worst Pirate Songs
Xylophone For Beginners
How Much Wood?
Feeling Good About Narcissism
Confessions of a Narcoleptic
Dynanetics by L. Ron Gilbert
Sounds From Under the Bed
A Definitive Guide to Cartoon Noises
How to Give Great Noogies
A White Picket Fence
Honk If You Have To
Soda Fountains of My Youth
Numerology for Beginners
Use of Nylon by Pirates
More of Me to Love
&$*#!
Favorite Gumbo Recipes
Scourge of the Pizza
There's Always A Rainbow
Our Hairy Cousins
Paper Buffalo
Hear the Sound of My Feet Talking
Deliberance
Rastafarian Philosophy
All about Pillaging
Masters of Pillaging
Pirating Primer
Three Sheets to the Wind
Famous Pirate Quotations
The Joy of Hex
Amour's Agonizing Adieu
Desire's Distasteful Denouement
Fascination's Final Frenzy
Love's Lingering Lassitude
Next To Nothing
Passion's Persistent Presence
Romance's Wretched Residue
Sin's Sordid Swan Song
Yearning's Yellowing Yesterdays
If I Only Had A Drain
Safe Sailing
Lox and Locks
Scabb Island History
Pirates Who Love Too Much
Not Eating People and Feeling Good About It
Killers of the Deep
Modern Shipbuilding
The Hidden Sins of Calculus
Top Seven Deadly Sins
Shiver Me Timbers
Social Darwinism and Social Disease
A Million and One Ways to Play Solitaire
Gift of the Lizard People
Over the Crow's Nest
Walk Thru Walls: The Intelligence Avoider
Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Partner
Operating Without A Net
Why Chicks Dig Tattoos
Tattoo-Related Skin Infections
A Child's First Book of Tattoos
Tea Party Massacre
Beyond Hearts and Question Marks
The Pride of Loch Ness
Thirty Things That Taste Terrific On Toast
Modern Toenail Collector
Collectable Toy Trucks
The Caribbean on No Dollars A Day
Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth?
Anaesthetics For Deciduous Trees
Why People Shouldn't Write Trilogies
Why People Won't Read Trilogies
Why People Write Trilogies Anyway
Dessert Recipes for Tripe Lovers
Why You Shouldn't Worry About Ulcers
Giant Umbrellas and Other Bits of Art
Wedgies: Harmless Fun Or Sadistic Torture?
Vegetables Children Will Eat
Popular Spectator Sports
101 Vices
Thirty Non-Musical Uses For Your Violin
Things You Can Catch By Reading a Library Book
Patches
Warm All Year Round
Gross Things to Say at Parties
Is It Soup Yet?
Anywhere But My Room
Impact of Yellow on Small Children
Living in Lime
Dancing On Three Legs
The Misunderstood Pet
Opulence as a Social Art
Meet Mr. Tiger
Sniffing the Cork
Out On a Plank
Life Cycle of the Shrew
Hey You Kids, Get Off of My Lawn
Pirate's Guide to Caribbean Yacht Clubs
All You Need is the Cap
The Yak is Slow But the Earth Is Patient
The Yearn to Yawn
Interview With A Snowman
Feh, and Other Useful Terms
Yodeling from the Top of the Lungs
Not Quite Really Pudding
At the End of the Rope
Bouncing and Behaving
Spinning at the End of a String
Pirates of the Pleistocene
Zipper Theory
The Most Beautiful Element
Just one of the Primates
Zoo Animals More Intelligent Than Humans
1001 Pirate Songs, a Book You Shouldn't Have

`Zelda Carbuncle Tells All`
`Animatronics`
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
`Under the Surface`
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
`X Never Marks the Spot`
`Vagueness as an Art Form`
`Idealism or Surrealism?`
`Beverages for Everyone`
You know, I don't believe there's a man, woman, or child alive who doesn't occasionally enjoy a lovely beverage.
`Both Hands Empty`
`Both Hands Moving`
`Both Heads Empty`
`A Fistful of Barnacles`
`Lick the Silver Spoon`
`Me and Blackbeard`
`The Time I Blew Up LeChuck`
I can't believe I'm reading my own memoirs.
`Yikes!`
Yikes!
`Unusual Birthmarks`
`Breakfast at Meathook's`
`How to Make Friends and Influence People`
`How to Serve Your Fellow Man`
Yikes!
`Guide to Cheeses of the World`
`The Sinister Beast Under the Bed`
Hmm... Good bedtime reading...
`Treasury of Pirate Children's Stories`
`Alfredo and Bill's Excellent Adventure`
`Damn the Human Torpedo`
`Great Expectorations`
This is very...
...thick.
`Junk, Junk, and More Junk`
`Noteworthy Pirate Foods`
Hey, it's blank!
`Viscous Fluids You Can Make at Home`
`Crochet Eyepatches for Fun and Profit`
`The Code in My Nose`
Sounds uncomfortable.
`Great Shipwrecks of Our Century`
`Facinating Facts About Scurvy`
`Shipboard Diseases`
Gross.
`Dog English Dictionary`
It says here that `Arf` has twenty-seven meanings in Dog.
`Preparing for the Pirate Aptitude Test`
`Quiet on the Set`
`Tomato Worms`
`Origins of Pirate Words`
It says here that most pirate lingo can be traced to Phoenician restroom grafitti.
`Summer Swashbuckling Fashions`
`E Ticket`
`Five More Than I Needed`
`Hedgehog Days`
`Not So Much as a Doubloon`
`Very Very Short Stories`
Yep, these are short all right.
`Easy Ways to Make Money`
`Big Book of Fish`
It's a bunch of neat pictures of big fish.
`Limpet Fishing: The Lost Art`
`I Married A Muenster`
`Life-Size and Larger`
`Rats as a Protein Source`
Ick.
`Hal Barwood on Monkey 2`
`Less is more, guys!`
`You can't polish a turd.`
`Fan-Tan Fanatic`
`Kings of Shuffleboard`
`My Mother the Cart`
This is really creepy!
`How to Make a Jackalope`
I wonder how they get them to cooperate?
`Properties of the Elliptic Hyperboloid`
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
`When I Blew Up LeChuck`
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
`Where I Blew Up LeChuck`
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
`Why I Blew Up LeChuck`
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
`The Shirt Off My Back`
Darn, no pictures.
`Popular Punishments for Grave Robbers`
Yikes!
`I Am Blackbeard's Liver`
Just say no to grog.
`Careful With Those Cannonballs!`
`Rememberance of Molly`
`Bad Puns For Bad Pirates`
heh.
Heh, heh.
Hooo ha ha ha ha.
AHAHAHA!!!
HOOHAHA-- `He was stumped!` --HAHAHAHA!!
Ahaha.
Aheh.
Oh, well, I guess it wasn't that funny.
`Dumb Pirate Jokes`
`So You're Going To Be Executed...`
Gulp.
`Pirates' Favorite Ice Cream Flavors`
Hmm, Pistachio Dryrot, Salmonella Chip, Grog 'n' Cream...
`Tikis of the South Pacific`
`Igloo Construction Made Easy`
`The New Tax Laws`
It's a bit dry, and I don't understand the ending.
`How to Give Great Indian Burns`
`The Complex Complex`
`The Story of Jello`
`Our Spineless Cousins`
`Kangaroo Court`
`Cow-Tipping Enthusiast`
`My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma`
I think this philosophy stuff is just a waste of time.
`Keelhauling: Methodology and Practice`
`The Little Organ That Could`
There are little pop-up kidneys in it!
Ick!
`Kleptomania`
It says here that kleptomania is a nigh-irresistable compulsion to take anything not nailed down.
Hmmm...
`Hip Lingo for Pirates`
Hmmm...
`Aaargh.`
`Yaarr.`
`Shiver my timbers.`
`David Jones' locker.`
`Dead men don't tell stories.`
I should brush up on some of these.
`Louse Ranching For Fun and Profit`
`Afternoon at Meathook's`
Fascinating...
`Rock and Raunch`
I don't see what's so bad about these lyrics.
`Damp Damsels of the Deep`
`The Sailor and the Sea Cow`
`Theory and Practice of Bone Breakage`
Hey, this guy's only a PINK belt!
`Cubic Lemniscate Formulas`
Boy, is this stuff boring.
`The Steath Sailer: Why It Won't Sail`
`Make Easy Money at Home`
It says I should send in two dollars for details.
`The Majesty of the Sierras`
Sierras?
Majestic?
I think not.
`Elvis Lives`
`Grammy Award Winners of the Renaissance`
`Volume First`
`World's Worst Pirate Songs`
Hey, `A Thousand Bottles of Beer on the Wall.`
`Xylophone For Beginners`
`How Much Wood?`
I think the butler did it.
`Feeling Good About Narcissism`
The 'about the author' part goes almost the whole way through the book.
`Confessions of a Narcoleptic`
Boy, what a sleeper.
`Dynanetics by L. Ron Gilbert`
Who does this guy think he is, anyway?
`Sounds From Under the Bed`
`A Definitive Guide to Cartoon Noises`
`How to Give Great Noogies`
`A White Picket Fence`
`Honk If You Have To`
`Soda Fountains of My Youth`
Boy, does this guy ever want to relive his childhood.
`Numerology for Beginners`
`Use of Nylon by Pirates`
`More of Me to Love`
`&$*#!`
This stuff is really repulsive!
`Favorite Gumbo Recipes`
`Scourge of the Pizza`
`There's Always A Rainbow`
I hate people who write books like this.
`Our Hairy Cousins`
I have a lot of cousins like that...
`Paper Buffalo`
`Hear the Sound of My Feet Talking`
It's about zen orthopedics or some such foolishness.
`Deliberance`
`Rastafarian Philosophy`
I don't get it.
`All about Pillaging`
`Masters of Pillaging`
Wow!
These guys are real pirates!
`Pirating Primer`
This is about something called `software` piracy.
`Three Sheets to the Wind`
This is some of the worst poetry I've ever read.
`Famous Pirate Quotations`
`The Joy of Hex`
I think it's meant for advanced voodoo practitioners.
The writing's way too technical for me.
`Amour's Agonizing Adieu`
Argh!
`Desire's Distasteful Denouement`
Dumb!
`Fascination's Final Frenzy`
Fiddle-sticks!
`Love's Lingering Lassitude`
Truly disgusting.
`Next To Nothing`
If you can't say something nice, you're not supposed to say anything at all.
Much less write a whole BOOK.
`Passion's Persistent Presence`
Why would she write this?
`Romance's Wretched Residue`
Ridiculous!
`Sin's Sordid Swan Song`
Stupid!
`Yearning's Yellowing Yesterdays`
Yuck!
`If I Only Had A Drain`
`Safe Sailing`
`Lox and Locks`
`Scabb Island History`
Says here that Scabb was first settled as a quarantine island for skin diseases.
It later became a haven for pirates because of its distinctive lack of authority figures.
`Pirates Who Love Too Much`
`Not Eating People and Feeling Good About It`
`Killers of the Deep`
`Modern Shipbuilding`
`The Hidden Sins of Calculus`
Boy, this is reactionary!
`Top Seven Deadly Sins`
`Sloth` is my favorite.
`Shiver Me Timbers`
`Yarrrr, matey.`
I wonder if anyone really talks like this.
`Social Darwinism and Social Disease`
An interesting comparison.
`A Million and One Ways to Play Solitaire`
What a rip.
Number 236,709 and number 645,212 are practically the same.
`Gift of the Lizard People`
`Over the Crow's Nest`
`Walk Thru Walls: The Intelligence Avoider`
I certainly don't need this...
I can walk straight already.
`Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Partner`
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
`Operating Without A Net`
It says to always use latex gloves.
`Why Chicks Dig Tattoos`
Hmm... Maybe I should get one.
`Tattoo-Related Skin Infections`
Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't get one.
`A Child's First Book of Tattoos`
Aw, the teddy bear is cute!
`Tea Party Massacre`
`Beyond Hearts and Question Marks`
`The Pride of Loch Ness`
This guy thinks the legendary Three-Headed Monkey is actually the son of the Loch Ness Monster.
`Thirty Things That Taste Terrific On Toast`
`Modern Toenail Collector`
It's a bunch of clippings from some magazine.
`Collectable Toy Trucks`
Here's an interesting one: the Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault Vehicle.
`The Caribbean on No Dollars A Day`
`Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth?`
This is fascinating!
It says here there were four pirates:
Rapp Scallion (the cook)...
...Young Lindy (the cabin boy)...
...Mister Rogers (the first mate)...
...and Captain-- Good Heavens!
Captain Marley!
(Wonder if there's any relation?)
They buried their treasure along with plenty of--
-- uh, oh--
--booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island.
Rapp Scallion (the cook)...
...Young Lindy (the cabin boy)...
...Mister Rogers (the first mate)...
...and Captain Marley.
They buried their treasure along with plenty of booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island.
They made a map which they divided into four pieces, each man taking one.
Rapp Scallion later opened the Steamin' Weenie Hut on Scabb Island.
It was a huge success but fell into disrepair after Rapp was killed in a flash fire.
Young Lindy drifted aimlessly, down on his luck until he mysteriously came into money while panhandling on Booty Island.
He used the cash to bankroll an advertising firm which failed after its gross mishandling of the Gangrene 'n' Honey account.
Mister Rogers retired off the coast of Phatt Island.
He marketed homemade contest grog brewed in a bathtub until his recent disappearance.
Captain Marley vanished while sailing in the America's Cup race.
His boat was leading at the time.
`Anaesthetics For Deciduous Trees`
`Why People Shouldn't Write Trilogies`
`Why People Won't Read Trilogies`
`Why People Write Trilogies Anyway`
`Dessert Recipes for Tripe Lovers`
Ick.
`Why You Shouldn't Worry About Ulcers`
`Giant Umbrellas and Other Bits of Art`
Sounds dangerous.
`Wedgies: Harmless Fun Or Sadistic Torture?`
It says here that the wedgie was once used as a law enforcement practice.
`Vegetables Children Will Eat`
That's odd, it claims ketchup is a vegetable.
`Popular Spectator Sports`
I can't find stoat wrestling in here.
`101 Vices`
Hey, only 30 to go!
`Thirty Non-Musical Uses For Your Violin`
Wow, I bet that WOULD keep the cats away...
`Things You Can Catch By Reading a Library Book`
Uh, oh...
`Patches`
`Warm All Year Round`
`Gross Things to Say at Parties`
--snicker--
I especially like the one about the sauerkraut.
`Is It Soup Yet?`
`Anywhere But My Room`
`Impact of Yellow on Small Children`
`Living in Lime`
Ick.
`Dancing On Three Legs`
`The Misunderstood Pet`
`Opulence as a Social Art`
`Meet Mr. Tiger`
Neat, the pictures pop up.
`Sniffing the Cork`
`Out On a Plank`
`Life Cycle of the Shrew`
`Hey You Kids, Get Off of My Lawn`
`Pirate's Guide to Caribbean Yacht Clubs`
`All You Need is the Cap`
`The Yak is Slow But the Earth Is Patient`
`The Yearn to Yawn`
`Interview With A Snowman`
`Feh, and Other Useful Terms`
`Yodeling from the Top of the Lungs`
`Not Quite Really Pudding`
`At the End of the Rope`
`Bouncing and Behaving`
`Spinning at the End of a String`
`Pirates of the Pleistocene`
`Zipper Theory`
`The Most Beautiful Element`
`Just one of the Primates`
`Zoo Animals More Intelligent Than Humans`
It's too thick, I don't have time to read it.
`1001 Pirate Songs, a Book You Shouldn't Have`
This is a pretty useless book, I'm not even sure why I checked it out.


He's back.
I told you, we don't have any marshmallows.
Well, you guys can stop worrying about Largo...
I ever tell you about the time I kicked LeChuck's butt?
Tell me about this Largo guy.
So why don't you kick Largo off the island?
What's this about an embargo?
How's the pirate biz?
What's this about an embargo?
Any idea where I could hire a ship?
Do you guys know any piraty songs?
Do you guys know any more piraty songs?
Any marshmallows left?
Well, I'll see you salty dogs later.
Look, Guybrush... Besides the fact that we'd all rather die than hear that story again...
...there's another reason you shouldn't go spreading that story around.
Largo LaGrande is back on Scabb. He used to be LeChuck's right-hand man.
You don't want to get Largo on your bad side.
A two-bit thug!
He's nothing but a low-down weasel!
Well, we would...
But he was very close to LeChuck...
But LeChuck's gone forever!
I heard they never found his body!
That's because I blew it into a thousand pieces!
Oh, no.  Not this story again!
Horrible.
The sailing embargo has all of us pirates landlocked. We can't go about our business.
Some of us tried pirating on land, but it just didn't feel right.
You'll need to go to the far side of the island...
And there you'll meet a man named...
...Captain Dread!
Yikes!  Sounds intimidating.
Not really... ...once you get to know him.
Of course, he can't take you anywhere until Largo lifts his sailing embargo.
The Largo Embargo!
Well, it's not really an embargo. It's a tax on ships coming or going...
But it's a HUGE tax that no captain on this island can afford.
Including Dread.
That fool Largo doesn't know when to stop. He can't take more from us than we have!
Sure!  Fink here knows a million!
Go ahead, Fink. Sing that one about Scabb Island.
Oh, all right...
Well, I'd rather be a pirate on Scabb... 
Than a scab on a pirate. 
And if you'll listen to me gab,
I'll tell you why I admire it.
Oh, the people aren't too friendly.
And the weather's not the best.
The lodging's too expensive,
And Largo was quite a pest.
The lodging's too expensive,
And Largo's quite a pest.
But the thing I like about Scabb
Is what it hasn't got:
No mayor or police force
And no jail in which to rot.
That was beautiful.
OK, here's one about a pirate, his parrot, and a tragic day at sea...
You're not going to sing, `Polly the Squawker Lives in Davy Jones' locker,` are you? You know that one always makes me cry.
Sorry, Bart.
Let me try one!

Oh, b bottles of beer on the wall...
b bottles of beer...
You take one down, pass it around...
b!
b bottles of beer on the wall!

OK, that's enough.
Aw, I wasn't done.
Oh, I wish I could par-lay Some French with Governor Marley. I'd say to her, `Voo-lay-voo?`
Looks like Guybrush is still carrying a torch for the Governor.
Too bad he can't even talk to her in English!
Sorry, Mr. Sensitive. The only other songs I know are dirty ones about Governor Marley.
Me too.
Marshmallows?
We don't have any marshmallows.
What's that white, puffy thing on the end of your stick?
It's the stuffing for under my eyepatch.
We're just sterilizing it.
We're pirates, Guybrush, not Girl Scouts.
Oh really? He must have finally got that nasty letter I wrote.
You sure can write a mean letter, Fink.
That reminds me, do we have any weenies left?

So I bust into the church and say, `Now you're in for it, you bilious bag of barnacle bait!`
...and then LeChuck cries, `Guybrush!  Have mercy!` `I can't take it anymore!`
I think I know how he must have felt.
Yeah, if I hear this story one more time, I'm gonna be crying myself.
Don't you have any NEW stories?
Well, actually, that's why I'm here on Scabb Island. I'm on a whole new adventure.
Growing a mustache?
No. Bigger than that.
A beard?!?
No, I'm in search of treasure. The biggest treasure of them all.
You mean...
Big Whoop?               
None other.
Then, why'd you come here? There's no treasure on Scabb Island!
Well, I didn't know that before! Now I'm trying to charter a ship and look someplace else.
When I return, I'll have riches galore, and a whole new story.
Or you'll have died trying.
Either way, we won't have to hear about LeChuck anymore.

Hmm.  This door appears to be locked.
`Steamin' Weenies! -- 20 ft.`
Too heavy.
Nice stick.
`Rapp Scallion's Steamin' Weenie Hut... ...place order here.`
Looks closed.
For what?  It's closed down.

Ha! Those guys wouldn't know a good story even if they paid fifty bucks for it.
When I find Big Whoop I'll become a legend among pirates for decades to come.
If I could only charter a ship and get off this stinking island...


`Help wanted. One week's salary in advance. Inquire below.`
What a dinky little door.
`THRIFTY-DIG -- For the treasure hunter on a budget.`
I can't dig that, Daddy.
I'd better not do anymore damage.
`Welcome to Woodtick` `No Trezer huntin zone`
There's no glass in the window.
I intend to.
`The Bloody Lip Bar and Grill`

Where do you think YOU'RE going, fancy-pants?
Whoops.  Excuse me.
Outta my way, fancy-pants!
On second thought, stop right there!
You ain't from these parts, are ya?
This here's a toll bridge.  You gotta pay.
Is this some sort of bribe situation?
Sure.  Take my money.  I don't want any trouble.
Who's gonna make me, shorty?
I don't pay for nothin'.  I'm a pirate!
No, more like extortion. Here--allow me to demonstrate.
Aw, there goes all my fun. Now I don't get to do this.
Tough guy, eh?
Help!
Police!
Ha ha ha! Scream as loud as you want! There are no police on Scabb Island!
Then who keeps up the law and maintains order?
Then who eats the donuts and roughs-up the transients?
Please!  Not in my new coat!
OK, put me down now and I won't have to hurt you.
I'm the only law on this island!
I roughs-up what needs roughing-up on this island!
Maybe I should make you one out of cement!
Ha ha ha! That's a good one.  Maybe I won't kill you right now.
Hey!  Yer loaded!
This is my lucky night!
Remember... Wherever you go... On sea or on land,
You can't ever hide From Largo LaGrande!
Tough town. I guess I should have got those traveler's checks.

This maybe a lot of money, but it's nothing compared to how rich I'll be when I find Big Whoop.
I think I'm pretty well prepared, financially, for now.
I should be set for the whole trip with this.
This should be plenty of money to charter a ship.
Look at all this!
I've got enough to buy my own ship--in five different currencies.
I'll be traveling first class on this treasure hunt.
It sure took a long time to save all this.
No more part-time circus work for me.
Of course, this is only a fraction of what I'll have after I find Big Whoop.
Hmmm...  Maybe I should get a money belt.
I wonder what I'll buy first...
Boy, this stuff's heavy.
I could just look at this money all day.
Money, money, money.
I'm confused by this strange urge to squander my wealth on immoral and dangerous vices.
I wish all those girls who wouldn't go out with me in school could see this!


No thanks.  I don't touch other people's stools.
I don't have time to sit.
It's too heavy to move.
I'm not a carpenter.
It's too high.
I can't reach it.
I don't have time to sit.
I may be a lazy guy, but carrying around my own place to sit is too much.
I don't think I should nail that.
Good practice, but I think I need some wood.
Nothing like a pocket full of nails to keep you on your toes.
Help yourself to as many as you'd like.
It says `Out on house call.` `Please come again.`
I don't want it.
I don't feel like it.
I can't.  He's lacquered it onto the wall.
He looks buff.
I don't think he'd like that.
Hey, nice stick.
Thanks.  Don't need it.
No, thanks. I've got my own.
You keep them. I've got plenty.
No, thanks. Got plenty of my own.
Sorry, I don't give refunds.
I can't do anything with that slimy thing.
No, thanks.
I don't want to polish that.
If only I could use this stuff on my lines...
I don't think I should hammer that.
I don't think I should hammer that.
Good practice, but I think I need some wood.
It says, `Woody.`
Just bring the hammer back when you're done with it.
It's too high.
It's too high.
Hmmm... looks like a valuable antique. Be careful with it.
Looks fine to me.

Hmmm... looks like a massive fracture.
If you're gonna be using this, I'd better reinforce it for ya.
Here ya go, Boy. Steel shank... Alloy splints... Better than new.

It says, `Woody.`
That's me.
Pounds and pounds of nails.
Comfortable looking chair.
Nice catch!
Oh boy, it's Buzzsaw Girl!
Nice, sturdy workbench.
What a cute little stool.
That's about the best peg leg I've ever seen.
Thanks, I made it myself.
Nice peg leg.
Thanks, I made it myself.
Nice craftsmanship.
I made it myself.
Hey!  Don't touch those!
Hey!  Don't touch that!
Get away from there!
Oh, no you don't!
Get your hands away from there!
What do you think you're doing?
It's not a toy.
I need all of them.
It's not for sale.
I fought hard for that baby.
No one touches her but me.
Everything's laid out just how I need it.
It's adjusted to my height.

Yeah?
What's the problem with that Largo guy?
Nice apron.  Are you some sort of chef?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck   could chuck wood?
Could I buy some wood polish?
I'd just like to browse, thanks.
Sure thing.
That's one piece of eight.
Anything else?
Yeah, I heard Marty stuck a bunch of pins in his underwear or something... ...drove him right out of town.
No, it was me!
You? What were you doing with Largo's underwear?
Ummm, well... Oh, never mind.
He really goes against my grain!
I'd like to make an end table out of him... but I don't have the guts.
With all my tools, I'm still unable to create the one thing that could do this island some good.
Like, an all-night tattoo parlor?
No, like a voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande!
Oh.
No, I'm a woodsmith. Which gives one of us an excuse for dressing funny.
A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can't chuck wood.
But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?
Oh.  Shut up.
Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?
A woodchuck should chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
Oh.  Shut up.
Oh.  Shut up.
Hey, you started it.
OK, but don't touch anything.
Thanks for returning that.
Funny. That looks just like my hammer ... ... which I have been missing.
Could you just put it back on the hook for me?
Just put it back on the hook and I won't press charges.


I don't think it's my prescription.
Everything looks all blurry.
What is this?  Midget wrestling?
Poor guy.
I can't reach it.
It's a pile of blank paper.
I've got enough.
It's blank.
Reminds me of a dollhouse I once had. I mean, my SISTER once had.
It's too small.
Thanks.  I can't see a thing without it.

Did you pick up my love potion?
Oh yeah--love potion.
That's what I was supposed to get.

Hello.
Hi Wally.
Excuse me...
Oh yes.  Hi there. Can I help you?
Who's there? I can't see anything without my monocle.
Oh, hello Mr. Brush.
Yes?
Did I mention that I'm Guybrush the ghost-busting stud?
My name's Guybrush.  Who are you?
Hi.  I'm Guybrush Threepwood, ghost-busting stud.
Hi.  I'm Guybrush.  Who are you?
Excuse me, do you know anything about Big Whoop?
Nice place you have here.  Well, goodbye.
Uh-huh.
So I've heard.
Wally. Wally B. Feed.
At your service.
Uh-oh.  Who sent you here? I should warn you:  I'm heavily armed.
Nobody sent me.  I'm free-lance.
I was sent by the I.R.S.  Let me see your files.
Don't shoot!  I was just asking.
Well, well.  Aren't we jumpy?
The who?
You'd better not try for my files. All my research on Big Whoop is in there.
Well, that's a dangerous question.
I've been researching Big Whoop for years. There are a lot of people who'd like to get their hands on my files.
You would be too if you were me.
Are you looking for Big Whoop, too?
Can I see your files?
Where do you think it's buried?
I'm looking for Big Whoop myself.  Wanna help?
Well...
I haven't really been able to find out much hard information...
What do YOU know about it?
Actually, there's not anything in them.
I don't know if I'd be much help.
I know I'm looking for it, and that's about it.
I know it contains unimaginable wealth.
I know it's location is a mystery.
Um... I really don't know much about it at all.
You mean, you never heard of the four men who buried it?
No.  Tell me all about it.
No, but I really don't care.
Oh, them?  Yeah, I know about them.  Of course.
Well, all anyone knows for sure is that there was a shipwreck. The merchant vessel Elaine went down in a terrible storm.
Elaine?
Only four crew members survived.
They washed up on a remote, deserted island.
Some say it's name was `Inky Island,` but I don't believe that.
Why don't you believe it?
Go on.  Finish the story.
But what IS Big Whoop?
Because there's no such island.
Anyway, that's where they supposedly found Big Whoop.
But what IS Big Whoop?
Whatever it was, it was so wonderful... ...or so horrible... ...that they never wanted anyone else to find it.
So they took the map they made of the island... ...and split it up among the four of them.
And they all went their separate ways.
Wow.  That's some story.
Where are they now?
You don't actually believe that story, do you?
I love that story.  Well, bye!
Of course, it could just be an old legend.
But if I could just see the map of that island... ...I bet I could recognize the shape of the land and track it down myself.
Well, I don't even know their names.
You know, that reminds me... I've got to get over to the Phatt City library and look that up...
...I'd go look them up at the Phatt City library... ...if it weren't for this stupid Largo Embargo!
Well, well. Guess you don't need me, then.
Hey!  I did it!  Largo LaGrande left Scabb!
I have some more questions about Scabb Island.
I have some questions about Scabb Island.
Do you know anything about Big Whoop?
Could you tell me about the men who buried Big Whoop?
You know, I could just sit and talk about maps all day.
What exactly do you do here?
You know anything about this Largo guy?
How's business?
Is longitude the sideways one, or is that latitude?
Thanks.  I gotta go.
No, no.  Be my guest.
If you see my monocle, let me know.
That's great. I guess I can stop with the bricks through his window now.
Hey!  Me too.
Who couldn't?
What else is there to talk about?
Well, hey.  That's my job.
Seems almost like we have.
Yep.
It's so cute when you laypeople try to understand geography. I could try to explain it, but it would probably just go over your head.
I'm a cartographer.
You do open-heart surgery?
Uh... no. I'm the mapmaking sort of cartographer.
Oh.
What kinds of maps do you make?
Is that all you do?  Make maps?
Ha!  Only sissies use maps.
Maps.  Huh.  That's interesting.  Well, see ya.
Well, I do some restoration work too.
I paste them together, re-copy them... ...paint little cupids in the corners... ...you know.  Artsy-fartsy stuff.
Every kind a pirate could need! My eyes have seen the whole world, and there's not a part of it I haven't put down on paper.
Maps are very, very important.
Not to me.  I don't travel.
Actually, I prefer to just stop and ask directions.
You know anything about this Largo guy?
How's business?
I'm sure they are.  Well, good-bye.
That's even better! With good maps, you can see the whole world without leaving your living room.
That's what Magellan thought.
Ha ha ha!
Sorry.  Cartographer joke.
Why?  Thinking about moving here?
Shoot.
Actually, I'm trying to get off it as soon as possible.
How can I get off this island as soon as possible?
You know anything about this Largo guy?
How's business?
Where's the Governor's Mansion?
I'm looking for some room and board.
Actually, I'd better not ask too many questions.
Thanks.  That's all I need to know.
Thanks for the lowdown.
Anytime.
Maybe you should talk to Captain Dread.
Good luck! With the sailing embargo Largo's imposed on Scabb, it's hard to get anywhere.
Which doesn't help my business, let me tell you.
Terrible!
No one needs any maps since no one can go anywhere thanks to Largo.
There is no Governor on Scabb! This is an anarchist cooperative of pirates, cutthroats, and other criminals.
A haven for roughnecks and rebels like me.
The only authority on this island is that bully Largo.
Well, I hear there's a new chef down at the Bloody Lip.
And the Swamp Rot Inn has all the comforts of the sea.
But I think Largo's booked the whole thing.
Okay.  But don't be shy if you think of a question.
He's just the local hood--shakes down everybody in town. Nobody comes or goes from Scabb because Largo makes them pay through the nose.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Okeydokey.
Hey!  Where's my monocle! I can't see a thing without my monocle!
Dang!  I've lost my monocle again!
What is that?  I can't see a thing!
All I want is my monocle.
Oh, there it is.  Thanks.
Ah, that'll work.  Thanks.
No thanks.  I already have a perfectly good monocle.
No thanks.
No thanks.
I have all the paper I need.
Pretty nice map, eh?
Of course it is. I made it.
What's this?  A map?
Hmmm...
Looks like only part of a map.
I can't make anything out of this.
It's incomplete.
Got any more of this?
I've got another piece right here!
Hmmm... Still not enough.
I've got some more pieces right here!
Hmmm... Almost, but a critical part is still missing.
I've got the rest of it right here.
Come back when you have the whole thing. Maybe I can help you then.
Hmmm... Very interesting...
Can you put it all together into one map for me?
I'll do it for you if you'll run an errand for me. Go to the International House of Mojo and ask the fortune teller if my love potion's ready.
Okay.
I'll try to have this done for you when you come back.
Yep.
Uh-huh.
Thanks.
I like it too.
Drew it myself.
Not for sale, though.

Where'd he go?
Someone's hastily scratched a message here...
Oh, no! LeChuck's kidnapped the cartographer!
The poor little guy... Hey! He has my map!
It just says, `LeChuck.`

Everything looks all blurry.
Yeah, me too.
Oh no.
Where is that thing?
I swear I put it right here.
I hope I didn't lose it.
I'll never be able to afford a new one.
How am I supposed to work?
Dang.
I'm such a dope.
Can't I do anything right?
Aw, shoot.
I bet my mom would help me find it... ...if she were alive.
For crying out loud.
I hope it didn't roll onto the floor... Nobody move!
I can't belive somebody would STEAL it...
I'd go for help, but I'm afraid to walk around like this.


It's a metronome.
It's a metronome with a banana on it.
I don't want to get the monkey mad.
No thanks. Too many bad memories of piano lessons.
He's cute.
I don't want to hurt him.
I don't think he can use that right now.
Jojo already has a job.
Jojo's too into his music to notice.
I don't think that will work.
I wouldn't want to do that to an innocent monkey.
I don't want to disturb him.
I don't want to hurt him.
It reads, `JOJO. Appearing nightly. No cover charge.`
Better leave it there.  Don't want to hurt business.
I should have listened to my mother--I should have practiced.
What is he using to clean those glasses?!
Yup, it's Largo's.
I don't want to do the bone dance here.
It's blank and kinda soggy.
Largo's been here.
Eeeeu.  Yuck.
That's sick.
It's too soggy.
I don't want to touch it.
It's too soggy to do anything with.
I don't want to touch it with my hands.
Hey!  Hired help only.
It's a yellow drink in a broken glass.
It's a red drink in a broken glass.
It's a purple drink in a broken glass.
It's a brown drink in a broken glass.
It's an orange drink in a broken glass.
It's an empty broken drinking glass.
I might hurt myself on the broken edges.
It's a crazy straw.
I don't want to suck that.
It's a green drink in a broken glass.
It's a blue drink in a broken glass.
I'm rich.
Hey!  Hired help only.

How's business?
About that job...
Hey... Ah... How's the stew tonight?
Grog, please.
Bartender, get me a drink.
Who's this Kate person?
I saw your sign outside.  What's the job?
Is that job still available?
Is that job available yet?
Wanna see my scar?
Nice place you have here.  Well, see ya.
Shaken, not stirred.
Ha ha ha! Maybe you'd like a Shirley Temple instead?
I'm old enough! Look at my beard!
Ha! That's the oldest trick in the book!
Tell you what--I'll let you have some near-grog. It doesn't have any alcohol in it...
...but it's just as nasty-smelling and foul-tasting as that stuff grown-ups drink.
Right on!
Oh, wait.  What am I saying?
I just sold the last of it to Kate. Sorry.
Rats.
Of course, if you have some ID...
I'll need to see some ID for that.
Will you accept a temporary library card?
I must have left my ID in my other pants.
Who's this Kate person you mentioned?
In that case, I'll take my business elsewhere.
Aw, don't be sore, kid. It's the law. Let's just say I want to keep on the good side of it.
Why?
Sorry, kid.
You'll have to do better than that. No ID, no service.
It's the law. And let's just say I want to keep on the good side of it.
Why?
Let me see it.
Is Guybrush a French name?
No, actually it's a fictional name.
Oh.
Consultant? You look more like a flooring inspector to me.
Free-lance? Is that anything like a sanitary engineer?
No, not quite.
Well...
Unemployed??! Didn't I give you a job?
Yeah, but you fired me. Remember?
Oh yeah.
Uh... It's an old card.
Oh.
Pirate?! We don't serve your type here.
Really?
No.  Just jerking your leg.
Alright... Can I get you that drink now?
Yeah, I could really use it.
Will you have more near-grog later?
Who's this Kate person you mentioned?
Maybe later.  I gotta go now.
Dang. Just when I thought I was going to do a little business!
Yeah, alright.
Ah, the Courageous Captain Kate Capsize...
Tough as steel, sharp as nails.
She rents her ship out... ...does some free-lance pirating. Her only loyalty is to the highest bidder.
Don't get on her bad side.
Nope. Next shipment is a month from now.
OK, but gimmie back your empties... I'm running out of glasses.
Sure.
Now...
Name yer poison.
Whaddya got?
Well, we have some speciality drinks here at the Bloody Lip... Like:
Yellow Beard's Baby, Yellow Beard's Baby, Bloody Stump, and Yellow Beard's Baby, Bloody Stump, and Blue Whale.
I'll have Yellow Beard's Baby.
Give me a Bloody Stump.
Mix me up a Blue Whale.
Come to think of it, I'm not that thirsty.
Don't have the stomach for it, eh?
Well, you can try, but I don't think nature's on your side. Ha ha ha!
Just give me the drink, please.
Hey, I have to crack jokes. It's a union thing.
Here you go.
I can't.  Chain saw's out of gas! Ha ha ha.
Hilarious.
Yeah.  I crack myself up.
Here you go.
Sorry.  Blender's not big enough! Ah ha ha!
But seriously...
There she blows!
You haven't even finished the one you got. Come on.  Drink up.
Yep. Just canned my cook. You lookin' fer work?
Oh, yeah. I really should take that thing down.
I hired a new cook just this morning.
But, if things don't work out with him,  I'll let you know.
Sure is. You want it?
Sorry. That guy I hired is doing just fine, so far.
Depends. Is there a good story behind it?
As a matter of fact, there is.
It's a story of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck and his gruesome demise--
Heard it. This is the one where he drinks too much root beer and burps so hard he explodes, right?
Not exactly...
Frankly, I don't care much for stories that promote moderation in drinking. I do have a business to run, you know.
Well, well... I guess all those laxatives I was slipping into his drinks finally got to him.
What?!?
Don't worry.  I don't put them in all the drinks.
Are you interested?
Actually, I had to fire my last cook, so I don't have any fresh stew.

Stew? How gauche! We only serve gourmet chilled soups here.
In fact, our new cook has been working all day on a very special vichyssoise.
Let me go see how he's doing.
How's the vichyssoise, Bernard?
Excellent, sir.  Won't you have a taste?
I think I will...
OH MY GOD!!! What kind of demented recipe book are you using?!?
Hee, hee, hee!
You're fired!
But sir!
Out! Get out of my sight!
This is the most disgusting, filthy mess I've ever seen in my life!
Look at all the hair! And what's this stuff? How am I ever going to get rid of this junk?
Well, here's your soup.
Uh...
...I'm really not that hungry anymore.
Dang.

It's just terrible... No one ever comes down here anymore. Largo's got all my regulars spooked.
You know, I can mix any drink there is... ...make anything you could name...
...but I can't make the one thing that could really do this island some good.
What's that?
A voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande!
You there!
(Uh-oh.)
Give me my usual.
And put it in a real glass!
Fork over the dough, or you'll be serving Bloody Marys for a week.
From your nose.
That's all I have.
Well, you'd better have more tomorrow...
...or we might have to move this dump to a new location.
Like, say, the bottom of the ocean?
Ha ha ha.
I don't want to talk about it.


Because the law around here isn't the law at all. It's Largo!
It's not so much Largo as it is who his boss was.
What do you mean?
I'd rather not say any more about it.
Please?
No.
Hey, can you cook?
A little.
How'd you like a career in the fast-paced world of pub-food cuisine?
Are you saying there's an opening in the kitchen?
Yeah.  You interested?
Sure, I'll give it a shot.
No thanks.  I like being my own boss.
I dunno.  How much does it pay?
Can I have some time to think about it?
420 pieces of eight a week. First week paid in advance.
Great!  The job is yours.
Here's a week's worth of wages.
Now, go strap on an apron and get to work.
Okeydokey.
Well, come back and see me if you change your mind.
Sure, sure. Take your time.
Oh good.  You've come back. Are you interested in the job now?
Excuse me...
Yeah, boy?
And here's a complimentary crazy straw.
We give them to all new customers of The Bloody Lip.
You're supposed to be cooking.
I took my break.  It's the law.
The knives needed sharpening.
I went out for a smoke.
I was out of milk.
I had to go to the bathroom. Don't worry, I washed my hands.
Uh, I had to buy some eggs.
I had to go to the grocery store.
Nice try. But not good enough. You're fired.
Hey! Don't bug the monkey!
Hey, what'd you do to my piano player?
Thanks. I've been running low on mugs.
You keep it. I hate rats.
He can't play piano in that state. Keep him until he's better.
Leave my piano player alone.
There's not enough meat on it for a good stew.
I don't need that for anything.
Actually, I don't drink.
No thanks.
This drink's on me. I don't charge my regulars.
That'll be one piece o' eight.
OK.
I don't have any money right now.
I'll let it go this time.
I don't have any money right now.
I'll spot you this time.
Go ahead and take my entertainment. Thanks for nothing, buddy.


I did a pretty good job on it.
That wouldn't be wise.
There's not much left to polish.
That would be redundant.
It would take forever to hack through it with this knife.
No need for that now.
Cute little fella!
I think it's yo-yo string.
I've played with that enough.
I think I'm too clumsy to hold the stick and tie a knot at the same time.
One of my favorites!
The box is closed.
That wouldn't taste very good.
He looks too scared to eat.
What are YOU looking at?
They're sleeping peacefully.
I think he wanted me to polish it FOR him.
I think they'd be mad at me for trapping their rat...
Somehow, I don't feel like they've earned it.
I doubt they'd be interested.
It's a bucket full of mud.
It's just a bucket.
That doesn't seem to work.
I don't like mud in my drinks.
I don't want to drink from a bucket.
There isn't enough spit to put in the bucket.
I hate vichyssoise.
That won't do anything.
I don't think that will work.
It's propped up by the twig.
It's closed.
It won't fit in my pocket.
Nice April-fresh scent!
Not my size.
He looks nice enough.
I've already cleaned that shirt.
It's not my size.
Young man, you should put that back where you dug it up.
Hey!  I don't launder money here! Try investing in a casino.
What would I do with that?
It's sparkly clean.
No ticket, no laundry.
`No, we don't clean leather.`
`Not responsible for lost buttons or hooks.`
`Not responsible for stains left on clothing.`
I'll see what we have ready for Mr. LaGrande.
Ah...here it comes.

What do you know about Largo LaGrande?
Who are you?
I've got a laundry-type question.
I'd like to pick up some clothes.
Oops.  I thought I wanted to talk to you, but I don't.
I made Largo leave this island.
You made cards out of sand? Do I care?
I don't know anything about cargo or contraband! I'm clean, clean, clean!
Sure, sonny, I can get out stew. That's easy. I can also extract grog, spit, and swamp-mud.
That's because I'm Maaaad Marty.
I'm mad about getting your clothes the cleanest they can be.
Shoot.
Would you be able to get out ketchup?
Do you do alterations here?
Actually, nothing.  I don't care about clean clothes.
Get out? Catch up? What do you want me to do?
Uh... nothing.
Alter rations? You mean, change the numbers on your food stamps? You've got some nerve!
I'm sorry.
No, I don't have wheat loaves.
I didn't think you would.
Do you have your claim ticket, sonny?
Got it right here.
I'd like to keep my claim ticket for taxes.
It was stolen.
I must have left it in my other pants.
I dropped it in my grog and it melted.
Mom threw it out when she cleaned my room.
I lost it while being keelhauled.
NO, I DON'T HAVE MY CLAIM TICKET.
You don't have to shout at me. I can hear you.
But, I can't give you your clothes without a claim ticket.
Taking it bowlin' was a dumb thing to do.
Why'd you trade it for chocolate-covered ants?
The log welted it?
Well, now that is a good excuse.
But I can't give you your clothes without a claim ticket.
What?? You beaned your mom with a broom?
You should treat her better than that.
Your dog got mauled?
What does that have to do with a claim ticket?
Oh, never mind.
What?  Your wife has fake lashes?
She got your claim ticket, or something?
No.  Forget it.
Great.

You're making me mad, Marty.
That's my name--don't wear it out.
Look.  I want it free...and I want it tonight.
Party tonight?  Sure, I'll come.
I'm talking about getting my laundry.
Don't worry about me.  I've been dry for three years.
I said, `I need it back tonight.`
What?  Yeah, we'll stay out all night.
This is useless.
You tell him I'll be back to pick it up... or else.

I know it's here somewhere.
I saw it a while ago.
Now where was it?

I think I'd better make myself scarce instead.
Not now! Can't you see there's an emergency happening here?

Hey...
Hey, guys...
Yo...
Yoo hoo...
Ahem.
Excuse me.
Yoo hoo.
WAKE UP!
What is it?
Hi.
Long time no see.
Remember me?  I'm Guybrush.
Did you ever get that circus started?
Do we know you?
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate.
I'm Guybrush, the man who rid the world of LeChuck.
I'm Guybrush.  You tried to sell me the minutes of a PTA meeting in the last game, claiming it was a map.
I'm Guybrush, and I was just leaving.
How nice for you.
Sure, you are.
Map? Err... I don't know what you're talking about.
Fine.
No, really--
Why did you wake us up, Gorbush?
What is it this time, Graybrash?
What is it this time, Gooblush?
What is it this time, Flybrunch?
What is it this time, Frygoosh?
What are you guys doing up there?
How come you have to perform on that ledge?
What happened to your leg?
Say, I've got some time to get that polish now.
Is that your rat?
See you later.
We're performing.
That's right.
Performing.
In our current work we portray man's response to global environmental issues of a changing world.
It happened during a performance.
When he lost the leg, Frank was brilliantly showing the inseparability of the path man walks... ...from the food chain.
The symbolism of the cheese was essential.
Yes.
We call him `Muenster Monster,` because of his insatiable passion for cheese.
We can scarcely contain our anticipation.
Ah...
...to show the precarious nature of the situation. ...so to speak.
Right, right.
Oh, I see.
I think you're overlooking the potential symbolism to be gained by your closeness to the earth.
Sounds like a crock of monkey snot to me.
You do?
Oh, good.
Err...
But...
Great. Here's some money for the polish.
All right, you got us.
We're really up here because...
...well...
We're afraid to come down.
What's the word for it, Frank?
Err... Ahh... Hmm...
Dirtaphobia?
Groundaphobia?
Terrafirmaphobia?
Stupidity?
It's the opposite of acrophobia. Something like `orcaphobia.`
Fear of killer whales?
Fear of strange vegetables?
Sounds more like `workaphobia` to me.
Say what you will, we're not coming down.
You know, this leg is looking sort of dingy. Would you get some polish over at the woodsmith's and polish it for me?
Sure.
Give me the money for the polish.
Actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Thanks. Here's some money for the polish.
OK.
OK.
That's what we do for a living now.
You see, after our circus failed, we started a pirate catering business on nearby Phatt Island.
`The Sacking Lunch.` It was quite lucrative.
Why aren't you still doing that?
What does this have to do with `performing?`
Then what happened?
I'm getting to that.
The governor of the island made us an offer we, er...
...couldn't refuse. So we sold him the business.
Yeah?
What did you do with the money?
But what does this have to do with `performing?`
We're getting to that.
We sank the money into one of those new-fangled glass-bottomed boats.
We wanted to take passengers on sight-seeing trips...
...and search for a place called Drinky Island in our spare time.
Boy, did we ever want to get there!
Aside from the obvious reason, we had inside information that Drinky was in fact the resting place of the legendary treasure of... Big Whoop!
Big Whoop?  I'm looking for that, too!
Big Whoop?  Er, did you find anything?
I don't see what this has to do with `performing.`
Well, I hope your luck is better than ours.
Not exactly.
We're getting to that.
You see, we got a bit of a raw deal on the boat.
Seems the salesman didn't have any glass for the bottom... ...so he just left a gaping hole there.
By the time we noticed, we were taking on water fast!
We ended up stranded on a tiny desert island.
When do we get to the performing part?
How much longer is this story?
I think it's past my bedtime.
We met a philosopher on the island, and he told us something which changed our lives.
That you're a pack of loonies?
That you should bore passers-by to tears with long stories?
What?!  What is it?!  What did he say?!  Tell me already!
He told us that all the world is a stage and that we are merely players.
So, we became performance artists.
Hey, leave that alone.
Sorry, is this your bucket?
Do you think you could let me have this bucket?
OK.
No.
Please?
Pretty please?
Pretty pretty please?
Pretty please with sugar on top?
Pretty please with sugar and a cherry?
Pretty please with sugar, nuts, and a cherry?
Pretty please with sugar, nuts, a cherry, and chocolate sprinkles?
I really need it.
I really really need it.
I really desperately need it.
It's a matter of life and death.
If you don't give it to me I'll never speak to you again.
I'll be your best friend.
I'll be your best friend forever and ever.
Aw, come on, be a pal.
I didn't want that old bucket anyway.
Oh... ...all right.
Well... ...no.
So, you won't mind if I take it?
I guess not.
Thanks!
Here's a piece of eight for your trouble.
I'd give you a piece of eight, but I'm fresh out.
Aaaiiieee!!! My leg! Help! Someone get a doctor!
Muenster Monster!
Go get help!
Hey! SHUT UP!

I intend to.
I don't want to steal his bell. I feel bad enough setting his alligator free.
I don't think I'd get away with that.
Be with you in a second.
Busy guy.
Time is money.
Save your money.  The inn's full.
Don't bug me.  I'm busy.
You're supposed to leave these things open.
I'd have to have a room first.
Isn't that cute.
I need that!
I have better things to do than beat up baby reptiles.
I think all he wants right now is sleep.
I could lose a finger doing that!
It's tied to the post.
It's securely fastened.
I love Cheese Squigglies.
Cheese Squigglies! One of my favorites!
I don't need any more.
Yeah, but that dang Largo eats like thirty.
Excuse me, I'd like a room please.
Sorry, we only have one and it's full.
Hold it right there!
That's a private room. No going up there.
I told you, no going up there!
Hey! How'd old Pegbiter get loose?
I'd better go catch him... ...before he catches somebody else.

There's strange little white bugs all over it.
I don't think I should do that.
I don't like styrofoam. It's bad for the environment.
It's stuck open.
It's already open.
It's empty.
It's a bit on the tattered side.
He's short, but he's mean.
Nice April-fresh scent!
Messy, messy, messy.
I'm not sleepy, and that bed is disgusting.
I don't have time for that now.
Largo could be back any minute!
They look pretty old.
I'd better not touch them... It looks like somebody's trying to grow penicillin.
It's little, mean-looking, and ugly. Just like Largo.
Maybe I'll just use these regulation voodoo pins that came with the doll instead.
I should use the pins the voodoo lady gave me.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range.
Sharp.
I don't want to pin him.
I don't want to disturb them.
I don't want to pin her.
I don't think I should pin that.
Nice door.
It doesn't seem to stay closed.
It's a bucket full of mud sitting on the door jamb.
I don't see anything special about it. Then again, I never really have understood art.
I don't like to get naked in other men's rooms.

YOW!
Take that, you stumpy little dim-witted toad!
What?!?
Who do you think you are?
I'm gonna to tear you limb from limb!
How are you DOING that?
Largo LaGrande, you are a no-good, vicious, two-bit thug.ÿI command you to give me back my money and leave this island!
Ha!  I already spent all your money!
Oh.
Well, I command you to leave this island!
Just you try and make--
YOUCH!!!
AIIIEEE!!!
That'll teach you to mess with the slayer of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!
What's that?
YOU killed LeChuck?
As a matter of fact, I did. Quite an interesting story, actually...
The fortune-teller said SHE did in LeChuck.
She did, did she?
Does SHE have one of THESE?
Is that...
Yes. LeChuck's beard.
Still alive and wriggling.
Let me see that...
Boy, it IS alive!
We've been looking for a living piece of LeChuck for years!
Now we can bring him back to life!
Look out world!
The most fearsome pirate of all time will soon sail the seas again!
Whoops.
HEY!  What are you doing in here?!?
Get out of my room!
And stay out!
Stop bothering me!
You're a pain!
Why are you following me around?
Every time I turn around you're there.
I can't believe you're in here again.
Didn't I kick you out of here before?!
It's people like you who make people like me who we are.
You're invading my privacy.
A man's room is his castle.
Why can't you leave me alone?!?
I oughta beat you up for coming in here.
You have some nerve, barging in here.
How dare you come in here again.
Get out of my face!
Get out of here!
Get away from me!
Oops.
Yikes.
Sorry.
Bye.
I don't want to be that close to him.

I think I hear Largo coming.
Hey!  What the HELL? What's going on?
Whoever did this is gonna pay!
I can't get this thing off my head.
When I get this thing off my head somebody's gonna be real sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that. He looked pretty steamed.

Who let you into my room?!!
I ... uh... thought it was my room?
Well, it ain't.
So, get the $#*&# out of here!
HEY!
GET OUT!
GO AWAY!
Stop pestering me!
You again?!!
I was just leaving.
What are you doing in here again?!
Get out of my room!!
Scram, kid!
Leave me alone!
I thought I told you to get out!


The barkeep would be mad if I left work early.
The barkeep might see me.
There's no glass in the window.
All I can see is water.
Yuck.  It's all cans of fruit cocktail.
I hate fruit cocktail.
He looks really into his cooking.
It's a cold potato and leek soup.
Yuck.  A rat's been swimming in it.
Yuck.  There's a rat swimming in it.
It's a cold potato and leek soup.
I've never been much for rodent seasonings.
It's too heavy.
Good thing this is a cold soup.
I don't know how good that would taste.
The fire's out.
It's already closed.
I'm no cook.
I'll bet it weighs half a ton.
Sharp.


Don't bug me.  I'm cooking.
I said, `Leave me alone!`
I'm trying to work.
I can't concentrate with you talking to me.



Creepy, but apparently seaworthy.
I don't want to pull it out of the water. It might be covered with jellyfish and swampy parasites.
`International House of Mojo`
Looks murky.
I don't want to touch it with my hands.
To:  The Ghost Pirate LeChuck c/o  LeChuck's Island Getaway & Spa Contents:  Misc. Voodoo Supplies.
I think there's something moving in here.

Hey, Rich.  I could use a hand with this one.
Looks like another box of live snakes.
Sounds like it, too.
Well, let's get it on the truck.

I don't want any more mud.
Wow.  A whole bucket o' mud... ...and it's mine, all mine!
I intend to.




It appears to be yo-yo string.
I'll just take a little.
They're unlabeled.
I don't think I'm qualified to handle them. And anyway, they're gross.

Creepy, but apparently seaworthy.
Looks like bound editions of `Voodoo Quarterly.`
Nyah.  That stuff's way too technical for me.
`Display Model`
It appears to be bolted to the table.
I don't want it to go stale.
I don't think it was meant for that.
`Ash-2-Life The Un-Cremating Cream -- Now in a convenient powder!`
`Great recipes from the International House of Mojo. Page 139
Aunt Helen's Special Voodoo Doll Mix:`
`Something of the Thread... ...something of the Head...
...something of the Body... ...and something of the Dead.`
`International House of Mojo.`
It's got some stuff in it...
...a doll...
...a beard...
...some underwear...
...a bone...
...a used hankie...
...and that's about it.
It's open.
I don't think that will do anything.
I don't think that will do much good in there.
`Instructions: 1) light fuse 2) throw at target
3) get ready for LOVE`
No. I want to save it for Elaine.
`Close cover before striking.`
There are no more matches.
I'm no pyromaniac.
It's lit already.
I'd better not.

Guybrush Threepwood. It's been a long time since you last came to see me.
Back again, Mr. Threepwood?
Wally sent me to pick up some love potion.
I got a book of voodoo recipes for you.
I really could use that re-vitalizing creme.
Hey, I've got some ashes for that potion.
About that jar I was looking at...
Do I know you from somewhere?
What kind of ingredients do you need for the doll?
About that voodoo doll...
Why don't you just put a curse on Largo?
Tell me about this Largo guy.
How's business?
I'd like to have my fortune read.
Just wanted to say hi.  Well, see ya.
Well, that's enough voodoo for me.  Bye.
It'll be much better once you use that voodoo doll on Largo!
Yeah, it worked pretty well, didn't it? I still have the touch.
Sorry, no returns on personalized voodoo products. If it's not working I suggest you get closer to your subject.
Oh, OK.
Tell him I said to enjoy, but to be careful.
It's powerful stuff. Wouldn't want that little guy getting hurt--
Wait! I just felt a sudden disturbance in the Force...
As if a tiny, tiny voice just called out in fear... ...and then hastily scratched a message in a table.
I think Wally's in trouble, and I think LeChuck has something to do with it!
Uh-oh. I'd better go check.
Ah, we often forget those who help us most.
We do?
It was I who told you how to do away with LeChuck. I told you where to find the voodoo antiroot... ...and how to turn it into the powerful ghost-dissolving potion you needed.
Oh, yeah.  Now I remember.
Very good.  Many hexes this week. Saved many people from the evil eye. Made many pieces of eight, although Largo took most of them.
He's a weak little man who bullies this whole island around. Most people are afraid of him because he was once LeChuck's right-hand man.
But LeChuck's history.  I got rid of him myself.
True evil can never be destroyed completely. You will see.
I see a hard road for you, Guybrush. Things didn't get easy for you when you defeated LeChuck, did they?
People only wanted more. You had to keep proving yourself over and over.
The pressure kept mounting until you lost it all--
Your fame... your fortune... ...the one you love.
OK, that's enough.
I've tried. My most powerful magic lies in voodoo dolls. But to make an effective doll I need some items from Largo's person, and no one's brave enough to go get them for me.
Are you willing to help me make one?
Uh, maybe.
To make it work you need to bring me some personal artifacts of the victim.
One from each of the four basic voodoo groups:
Something of the Thread... ...something of the Head...
...something of the Body...
...and something of the Dead.
Hey, that almost rhymes.
For the Thread, I need a piece of Largo's clothing.
And a lock of hair will do for the Head.
Bring me a sample of fluid from his Body,
And from his Dead relatives you must acquire some remnant of a corpse.
Here--take this shopping list.
Do you have any of those ingredients with you?

I've got the real stuff back here.
That's one of my most powerful potions. But I only give it out in cases of serious need.
That's one of my most powerful potions. Brings the dead back to life.
Yes?
I'll take it!
I could do lots of cool stuff with that!
That doesn't sound quite proper.
I was just looking at it.  Can I go now?
There are some complications.
It only works on ashes, and the resurrection is only temporary.
Plus, you need to bring me a sample of the subject's ashes before I can mix you up a batch.
I have the ashes of somebody I'd like resurrected right here.
Boy, voodoo's complicated.
Rules are rules.
I can't make you any of that potion without some ash from the subject's remains.
Bring them to me.
Now, there's only one small problem... I forgot the recipe.
What?!
It's been a long time. I don't have that cookbook anymore.
I've got a book of voodoo recipes!
Good! How many crab scalps does it say to use?
Thirteen!
Good. That's just what I thought when I whipped up this experimental batch.
Thanks.
Remember, just a dab'll do ya.
I told you, I don't have that cookbook anymore.
What a drag.
Hey, I got a license!
So be it.
Now, go!
I've given you all the help I can, for now.
The rest is up to you.

Have you brought me the ingredients?
Have you brought me the final ingredient?
Have you brought me any more ingredients?
I have his toupee.
I have some of his spit.
I have the bone of his Grandfather.
I have this ,.
I'll bring them later.
I'll bring it later.
I'll bring you more later.
Hmmm...  Not quite a part of his head... But maybe I can get some scalp fragments from it.
Excellent.
Perfect.
Yes, that will work.
Good.
You may keep the paper.
Do you have the final ingredient?
Have you brought me any other ingredients?
At last! Now I can make a voodoo doll to be reckoned with! Let me get my juju bag.
And now for the ingredients...
A dandruff flake from Largo's head!
A single piece of Largo's thread!
A drop of fluid from his body!
A single chip off the bone of the dead!
And finally, some miscellaneous voodoo herbs and seasonings, including monosodium glutamate.
This ought to be good.
Two!  Four!  Six!  Eight!
Who do we assassinate?
Largo!  Largo!  Yeah!
Hey!  That looks just like him!
One more thing... Some of the ingredients were not the optimum specimens. It should still work, but it will have a limited range.
You will have to get close to Largo. Very close.
Nope.  What was that last one?
Nope.  Could you tell me what they were again?
Just like the list says...
Something from his body...
Something from his clothes...
Some of his bodily fluids...
Something from his ancestors...
...that's all we need to complete the doll.
...that's all.

I'm afraid it's true, Guybrush. If they have any animated tissue, they can reanimate his whole body.
But I blew his body into a zillion gooey pieces!
Not his body, Guybrush. You destroyed his spirit form. His body was safely buried far away.
But by now it must be...
Rotten? Partially decomposed? Yes.
And I don't think that's going to make him any more pleasant to deal with.
He's going to be looking for me!
Yes.
He's going to try to kill me!!!
Undoubtedly.
What can I do?
Where can I hide?
Can you give me something to protect me?
Can you just kill me now and get it over with?
You're already doing all you can.
What's that?
There is no place to hide.
But there is a way out.
What is it?
You're doing it right now.
Fiddling with the change in my pocket?
He has magic just as strong as mine. Nothing I could give you would protect you.
You must try not to lose hope, Guybrush.
There is a way out.
Hunting for Big Whoop.
Oh yeah, I was doing that, wasn't I?
Big Whoop isn't just a treasure. It contains the secret to another world.
Find that world and you'll be able to escape LeChuck forever.
But I know so little about Big Whoop...
Take this book.
I checked it out at the Phatt City Library. I foresaw your need.
Gee, thanks.
I used your name when I checked it out, so be sure and return it when you're through reading. The overdue fines in Phatt City are pretty steep.
Gee... ...thanks.

Guybrush, you don't have any time to waste! I can offer you no more help.
Your destiny is in your own hands now.
Hey!  That's just a display model!



`Wart Remover`
`Cat De-Wormer`
`Ash-2-LifeÿThe Un-Cremating Cream.`
`Skink Toes`
`Eau d'MojoÿThe mystical aroma of Voodoo captured in a delightful potpourri.`
`Bat Wax`
`Fruit Cocktail -- In Heavy Syrup`
`Spider Lungs`
`Golden TongueÿThe five-day treatment plan that helps you talk to women.`
`Tender-touch Pirate PowderÿPrevents stump chaffing and eye-patch rash.`

I don't have any warts.
I don't have a cat.
After all, it is only a display model.
...and I feel bad for the skinks.
Voodoo's not known for its good smells.
I don't even want to know what it's used for.
I don't like heavy syrup.
...and I feel bad for the spiders.
I don't have that problem anymore.
I don't have an eyepatch or any missing limbs.




`Stan's Kozy Krypts -- A Place to Spend Eternity, Not a Fortune.`
It's locked shut with a big, rusty lock.
It's already unlocked.
`THE QUAGMYRES no trespassing`
`These spots reserved for our privileged future customers.`
`Here Lies Hank Plank... Does anybody recognize that name?
He didn't have any money on him when he died, and somebody's got to pay for the funeral. -Stan`
`Stan's Casual Crosses: For graves that don't need to dress up.`
`THE RICKETTS no trespassing`
But then again, why would I want to go in there?
`Here Lie the Gordo Brothers... ...too big for any ship. Let's hope the earth can hold them.`
`THE GROUTS no trespassing`
`Here Lies Nibbles the Dog. He was a bad dog.  We're glad he's dead.`
`The Grave of the Unknown Pirate.`
`The Grave of the Unknown Cabin Boy.`
`The Grave of the Unknown Drunk Guy We Found Face Down in his Own Vomit on the Beach.


This ground looks too hard and dried-up to dig.
I don't think there's much of old Jim left to dig up.
This ground looks too hard and dried-up to dig.
I don't think I need to see the remains of Jean Louise.
I don't want any more gross bones.
This ground looks too hard and dried-up to dig.
Gross.
`Here lies Daredevil Jim McDow. Hand of steel, leg of wood... ...Jim took every risk he could.
A life of action--that was Jim's. Too bad he ran out of limbs.`
`No man commanded Jean Louise. Not on land, and not on water.
Jean did whatever he did please, Until he kissed the gunner's daughter.`
`Marco Largo LaGrande, Hell on sea or sand. The good news is, he's dead. The bad news is, he bred.`
`There once was a girl named Carrie
Who thought that she soon should marry.
She went into town
And flirted around.
She didn't get wed she got buried.`
This is creepy feel'n.



Hey! You guys get out of here!

I love a house with that nautical look.
It says, and I quote: `Captain Dread's Ship Charters` `20 Pieces of Eight` `Inquire within`


I'd better ask about chartering a ship before I hand over my money.
Would you like my 
No thanks, mon. I've already got one of those.
Thanks, mon! I was look'n for another lucky sailing necklace.
Thanks, mon! This will do just fine for my lucky sailing necklace.
What was that, mon?
No thanks, mon.
I don't think Dread's map will help me navigate this swamp.
What con I do for ya?
Are you Captain Dread?
Ya mon, I'm Captain Dread. What can I do for ya?
Hello?!?
Hello mon. My name's Captain Dread. What can I do for ya?
It's me again.
So I see.  What can I do for ya this time, mon?
I need to charter a ship.
Why can't I charter your ship?
I need to charter a ship.
Natty dreads.
Gee, I think I've met your friend.
Tell me more about that necklace thingy you lost.
I gotta run, lots of treasure hunt'n to do.
Like I said before, mon...
You're in luck, my friend. Rumor has it that Largo's been run off the island... ...so I'm now free to sail again.
I can't charter you my ship because...
Besides...
Only problem is... ...that you don't look like the type that has 20 pieces of eight.
Actually, I do have that much.
Well, mon! Consider my ship chartered!
Great! Where's your ship?
You're standing in it, mon.
Yikes!
Yeah, you're right... ...I'm broke.
Unlikely.
Thanks, mon.
It happened sometime ago.
My navigator and I set sail for this legendary island.
When we arrived, we were taken prisoner by cannibals.
I escaped, mon, but my navigator was not so lucky.
All I found of him was one of his eyeballs, and I've kept it as a good luck charm.
OK, bye, mon. Come again.
Mon, I gotta take you back to Scabb Island. I got goods I gotta deliver.
Welcome to the Jolly Rasta!
Where do you want to go?
I don't know, what are my choices?
I'll show you on the map you gave me.
Please take me to Booty Island.
Please take me to Phatt Island.
Please take me to Scabb Island.
I'd just like to cruise aimlessly for a while.
I'd like to go back to the island I just left.
You know, I used to go out with Governor Marley.
What happened to the map I gave you? We'll never find the island without it.
I'll go back and get it.
OK, just let me know when you want to get someplace.
I only know how to get to three islands, mon.
What are they?
There's where we just came from, Scabb Island. The only island where pirates are free to be pirates.
Then there's Booty Island. The festive, French, Mardi Gras, party-all-the-time, island. It's run by one of the most respected and loved governors around... ...Governor Elaine Marley.
Elaine?
And last, there is Phatt Island. A fascist dictatorship, run by an over-bloated pig named Governor Phatt.
Here, take this easy-to-read reference map, courtesy of Dread Tours. You can use it to show me where you want to go.
Sure you did, mon.
I lost my lucky `eye that has seen the world` sailing necklace.
...a while ago, I lost my lucky sailing necklace. I called it 'my eye that has seen the world'. I can't sail without it. No way, mon.
...Largo has an embargo on the island.
...That mean and nasty guy, Largo... ...he has an embargo on the island.
No ships can sail in or out without his approval. There's no way he'd let me leave.

It's Captain Kate.
It's stuck to the wall.
I wouldn't want to implicate an innocent bird.
`If I could read, I'd spend all my free time at the Phatt City Library!             -Reginald Blackbeard`
No thanks.  I've got enough trouble in this town.
`WANTED:  GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD... ...for the murder of G.P. LeChuck...
`WANTED:  GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD...` Hey!  That's me! `...for the murder of G.P. LeChuck...
...also for the use of witchcraft on the person of Largo LaGrande...
...the thievery of clothing and medically prescribed hair supplements for such witchcraft...
...graverobbing...
...trespassing...
...larceny without a permit...
...disturbing the peace...
...illegal gambling on a sporting event...
...use of falsified identification for the purchase of alcohol...
...exceeding allowable FDA limit for rodent parts in vichyssoise...
...premature entombment of a non-dead individual...
...reckless tampering with city-maintained plumbing without prior acquisition of an environmental impact report...
...transportation of animals not in a mental state to give consent...
...vandalizing a historical miniature...
...reckless use of gardening tools...
...impersonating a woman in order to evade prosecution...
...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...two counts of unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...impersonating a federal mail boat...
...reanimating dead persons within city limits...
...possession of library books not specifically checked out to oneself...
...mixing drinks without a liquor license...
...and releasing a dangerous reptile in a populated area.
Also wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance of prescription eyewear.
Reward offered for information leading to the suspect's apprehension.
Threepwood is to be considered armed and dangerous.`
Armed and dangerous?
Right on!


Excuse me.
Aren't you Guybrush Threepwood?
No, my name is Kate Capsize. You must have me confused with someone else.
Kate, eh? That's an unusual name.
Perhaps you have some identification?
My ID is on my ship.  Wait here while I go and get it.
Nice try, Guybrush.
I don't know how you got out of the jail, but I'm taking you back in.



That's disgusting!
`When the tears come, shouldn't you be prepared? -Stans Previously-Owned Coffins.`
`Stan's Kozy Krypts -- A Place to Spend Eternity, Not a Fortune.`
I don't want it to go stale.
I don't think it was meant for that.
`Ash-2-Life The Un-Cremating Cream -- Now in a convenient powder!`
I don't think it works through wood.
It's already open.
Close myself in down here?  No thanks.
Talk about your slipshod internments.
No way.  That might bring them all down.
`Old Bill the acrobat, He lies in here dead. He died like we buried him... Propped up on his head.`
I wouldn't want to upset its balance.
Silty.
`Here Lies Commander Buttonhead... Small but Spunky Nautical Leader`
`Here Lies Rapp Scallion... Courageous Sea-Cook, and Reported Discoverer of Big Whoop`
`Here Lies Barney Gout... Mauled by His Own Parrot`
`Here Lies Fester Leach... Boy Could He Spit`
`Here Lies Old Skunk-Eye... You Think He Smells Bad Now?`
It's inscribed with a quote...
I don't think there's anyone of interest in there.
I think I should just let him rest in peace now.
I don't think there's anyone of interest in there.
I'm not opening up one of these without good reason!
Hmmm.

`Happiness is a warm Manatee.`
`Kiss me, I've got scurvy.`
`Aaarrrrrrrg!`
`Violets are blue, roses are red... We're coming aboard.  Prepare to eat lead.`
`Mouthwash?  We don't need no stinking mouthwash!`

It's a piece to the map of Big Whoop!
It's only a fourth of a map--not too useful.
Oooh, looks like human ashes.
I don't think I need anymore.
I think I've taken all I should from this grave.
Why should I bother with this guy's ash?
Well, OK.
There's something in it.
It's a piece to the map of Big Whoop!
It's not mine to use.
`Steamin' Weenies!`
I don't think it'll work there.
I'd better not.
What are you bugging me for? This is easy mode!
Whew! That was a close one!
If I didn't have my flame-resistant apron on, I would've been killed!
Well?
You WERE killed, Rapp.
Uh... Where exactly did you buy that apron, Rapp?
Yep.  Close one, alright.  Say, about that Big Whoop deal...
Yeah, well, be more careful next time.  See ya.
Stan's Previously-Owned Restauraunt Supply... Why do you ask?
Look, Rapp...
Big Whoop? Ha ha ha! I'll take that secret with me to my grave!
Oh, you have it with you?  Great!
I got some bad news for you, Rapp...
I guess I'm out of luck, then.  Well, bye.
What are you talking about?
Well, Rapp, it's like this...
What?!?
You're deader than dirt.
Your life is well done.
You've shivered your last timber.
You're the prep-cook at the pearly gates.
You're two weeks past the expiration date.
I'm... ...dead?
Cold as leftover pork chops.
Stiff as a frozen foot-long.
Green as year-old pickle relish.
Crusty as a stale bun.
Sealed up and covered with goo like a canned ham.
But, I'm not ready to die!
I feel my soul is not at peace. There is something I must do before I pass on.
Like, you mean, finish War and Peace?
Perfect plumps-when-cooked weiner technology?
Produce an heir to the Steamin' Weenie fortune?
Pass along your part of the map to Big Whoop?
No. I just have this nagging feeling I left the gas on in my restaurant. It's driving me crazy.
Did I mention I'm looking for Big Whoop?
I'll check the gas for you, Rapp.
Did I mention you're dead?
Sorry.  Didn't mean to bother you. Rest in peace.
Give me the map and I'll check the gas.
You were right.  The gas was on.
Sorry to bother you.  Rest in peace.
Did you turn it off?
Oh, will there ever be relief for my tortured soul?
I turned it off.
Thanks.
You can have my part of the map to Big Whoop-- --but only if you do me a favor first.
Could you check the gas in my weenie hut for me?
What do you care about it?  You're dead!
Sure, I'll check it.
You were right.  The gas was on.
Give me the map and I'll check the gas for you.
Sorry.  I've got better things to do.
Pleeeeease?
Check the gas and I'll throw you the whip. I mean, give you the map.
Check the gas and I'll give you the map.
Oh yeah? Well... me too.
Thanks.  Here's the key.
I guess where I'm going I won't need this map anyway.
Thanks.
Now I can rest in the folds of the earth... ...like a Steamin' Weenie in a soft, fresh bun.
Ahhh...




 

Deep in the Caribbean, hidden by an endless storm, lies LeChuck's fortress...
So... ...when are we going to resurrect the old bloated fool?
Oops...
I'll ignore that comment just this one time, Largo... ...only because they tell me you've found Guybrush Threekwood.
It's 'Threepwood'...and I've found him on Scabb Island.
Very Good. No one gets the upper hand on LeChuck without getting what he deserves. I want Guybrush brought to me, and I want him brought alive. I am entrusting this to you. Do not fail me.
Never, your voodoo lordship.
Aye... ...Guybrush Threepwood is finished. I need you to start building me a very special doll.
With pleasure.


I'm off to find Big Whoop.
It has a picture of a parrot on the front.
It's empty.




 

m1
`THRIFTY-DIG -- For the treasure hunter on a budget.`
I can't dig that, Daddy.
I'm rich.
Sharp.
That doesn't seem to work.
I don't want to dull the blade.
I don't want to gunk up the blade.
My scoutmaster would kill me if he saw me use a knife like that.
I think it's yo-yo string.
`Great recipes from the International House of Mojo. Page 139
Aunt Helen's Special Voodoo Doll Mix:`
`Something of the Thread... ...something of the Head...
...something of the Body... ...and something of the Dead.`
I've played with that enough.
I think I'm too clumsy to hold the stick and tie a knot at the same time.
CDHD
Yup, it's Largo's.
I don't want to do the bone dance here.
It's blank and kinda soggy.
Largo's been here.
Eeeeu.  Yuck.
That's sick.
It's too soggy.
I don't want to touch it.
It's too soggy to do anything with.
I don't want to touch it with my hands.
It's little, mean-looking, and ugly. Just like Largo.
Maybe I'll just use these regulation voodoo pins that came with the doll instead.
I should use the pins the voodoo lady gave me.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range by now.
I think Largo's out of voodoo range.

Sharp.
I don't want to pin him.
I don't want to disturb them.
I don't want to pin her.
I don't think I should pin that.
It doesn't seem to open.
I can't move it.
Nice @.
I don't see anything special about it.
I can't pick that up.
I can't reach that from here.
That doesn't seem to work.
I'm not holding the @.
I'm not holding the @.
SCRP
Hmm.  This door appears to be locked.
@
It has a picture of a parrot on the front.
It's empty.
It's Captain Kate.
It's stuck to the wall.
I wouldn't want to implicate an innocent bird.
`If I could read, I'd spend all my free time at the Phatt City Library!             -Reginald Blackbeard`
No thanks.  I've got enough trouble in this town.
`WANTED:  GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD... ...for the murder of G.P. LeChuck...
`WANTED:  GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD...` Hey!  That's me! `...for the murder of G.P. LeChuck...
...also for the use of witchcraft on the person of Largo LaGrande...
...the thievery of clothing and medically prescribed hair supplements for such witchcraft...
...graverobbing...
...trespassing...
...larceny without a permit...
...disturbing the peace...
...illegal gambling on a sporting event...
...use of falsified identification for the purchase of alcohol...
...exceeding allowable FDA limit for rodent parts in vichyssoise...
...premature entombment of a non-dead individual...
...reckless tampering with city-maintained plumbing without prior acquisition of an environmental impact report...
...transportation of animals not in a mental state to give consent...
...vandalizing a historical miniature...
...reckless use of gardening tools...
...impersonating a woman in order to evade prosecution...
...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...two counts of unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...
...impersonating a federal mail boat...
...reanimating dead persons within city limits...
...possession of library books not specifically checked out to oneself...
...mixing drinks without a liquor license...
...and releasing a dangerous reptile in a populated area.
Also wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance of prescription eyewear.
Reward offered for information leading to the suspect's apprehension.
Threepwood is to be considered armed and dangerous.`
 

Excuse me, sir.
Aren't you Guybrush Threepwood?
That's right.  I'm the man who swashed the Ghost Pirate LeChuck's buckles.
Who wants to know?
No, my name is Smith.  You must have me confused with someone else.
I'm really in a hurry.
I'm sure that's a very interesting story, but we don't have time for that now.
Smith, eh? That's an unusual name.
Hold on, sir.
Perhaps you have some identification?
Err... I must have left it in my other pants.
Why yes, I-- GOOD HEAVENS!!  My wallet's been stolen!
Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!
My ID is on my ship.  Wait here while I go and get it.
That's the second lamest excuse I've ever heard.
Of course it has, sir.
Nice try, Guybrush.
I'm with the local constabulary, sir.
You'd better come with me, Governor Phatt would like a word with you.
All right, I'll come with you.
Am I under arrest?
I'm really very busy.  Could we do this another time?
If you want to put it that way, sir, yes.
Oh. All right, let's go.
Coming!

Well, Mr.--
--oh, excuse me.
Well, Mr. Threepwood, I can't tell you how pleased I am to have you here as my guest.
Oh, why is that?
I can't say as I care much for your method of invitation.
Thank you.  Your home is lovely.
Would you like to hear the story of the time I blew LeChuck's top?
Look, I'm really in quite a rush...
I thought we might talk about a few things.
I simply wanted to insure that you didn't slip away before we had a chance to meet. There's something I'd like to discuss.
You have an eye for the finer things, Mr. Threepwood.
Ha ha ha
Funny you should mention LeChuck, as he's the reason I brought you here.
You wanted to thank me for getting rid of him, eh? Well, no thanks are necessary. You see, I--
Oh, do stay a while.
We have much to discuss.
Such as how much it must cost to keep you in finery?
Such as how much it must cost to keep you in food?
Such as why there's a wanted poster on the wharf with my picture on it?
Such as why there's a ten-foot guard blocking the door?
Want to hear about me destroying the evil LeChuck?
Be careful upon whose toes you tread, Mr. Threepwood.
Such as your future, Mr. Threepwood.
And that of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck.
`Destroying,` is it?
At least I can SEE your toes.
I'm sorry.  I just meant that you seem to live so WELL...
Why, you-- --excuse me.
Let's get down to why you're here, shall we? I intend to SELL you. To the Ghost Pirate LeChuck.
Ah, I see.
I admit my tastes run to the expensive.
To the exPANsive is more like it.
How do you manage to afford it?
I am not a patient man, Mr. Threepwood.
Yes, I've had to indulge in a bit of creative financing. But I've just made a deal that will keep the bill collectors out of here for a long time.
Selling your old clothes to make circus tents?
Melting down your silverware to build an oil pipeline?
Renting yourself out to ship captains as ballast?
Selling advertising space on your stomach?
Oh really?  What's that?
I'll be selling something which I believe I shall be GLAD to be rid of.
I'm selling YOU, Mr. Threepwood.
To the Ghost Pirate LeChuck.
LeChuck's dead. I killed him.
Perhaps you didn't kill him quite so thoroughly as you imagine. He looked perfectly healthy the last time I saw him.
Last time you saw him?!?
Oh, no! LeChuck's back!
I beg your pardon, did you say something?
I took care of LeChuck once, I can do it again.
He doesn't scare me.  Just tell me where I can find him.
Could I hide out here for a while?
You'll get your chance.
I rather think he'll find YOU, Mr. Threepwood.
You can hide out until LeChuck comes to pick you up.
You see, he's put a sizeable bounty on your head.
Oh?
A bounty I intend to collect.
Oh.
Whatever bounty LeChuck's offering, I'll double it.
I guess that bounty would buy a lot of bacon grease and pure fat, huh?
Ha ha ha.
Very amusing, Mr. Threepwood.
Why, you! You can figure it out while you wait in jail for LeChuck to pick you up.
Take him away!
Yes, sir, Governor Phatt.
Come on, you little weasel.
I'll be back!
I'll be BACK!
I'LL be back!
I'll BE back!
Come on!

Don't try to escape or anything. Walt will chew you to bits.
OK, Walt, I'll be back to relieve you at eleven.


There's something written underneath... It says, `REMEMBER TO TURN OFF!`
It's open.
It's rusted open.
It's stuck shut with old grease and pork fat. Yuck.
They're empty... ...but, mmmmmm, I can still smell the pickles.
Why would I want to carry around big, empty, pickle-soaked barrels?


It's a tibia.
It's a stick.
This one's too big.
I hope I don't have to sleep here.
I don't want to.
It's already pulled back.
That doesn't seem to work.
The door is already open.
It's a tibia.
I can't reach it.
A fine example of dieting gone horribly wrong.
He's not exactly my type.
No, thanks.
Hey, who's your tailor?
What a ferocious-looking dog.
I wouldn't want to make it angry.
Hello, little doggie.
The door is locked.
It's a stick.
The door is locked.
It's a plastic recycleable bottle of near-grog.
I'll only drink part of it.
Mr. Guybrush Threepwood Arrested for infractions too numerous to list.
It's empty.
OK.
Mr. Willy Gorilla Arrested for grinding his organ in public.
It's empty.
OK.
This reminds me of a story about a farm girl and... ...oh, never mind.
I don't want it to get all brown and mushy.
What a big organ!
I don't know how to play.
Guybrush Threepwood Arrested for infractions too numerous to list. Claims she was framed.
It's empty.
OK.
Here doggie, doggie.
Here boy...
Watch me flip it right into my pocket!
They don't call me the Bone Master for nothing.

Idiots!
Fools!
Who is this Peepwind character, anyway?
They can't keep me locked up!
I'll figure a way out of here!
Hey!
Uh, oh!
I can explain, I--
Thanks for letting me out of there! You'll have to excuse me if I don't stick around.
I've got to find out who FRAMED me!

No thanks.  I've got enough trouble in this town.



It says `Trespassers not delivering foodstuffs will be persecuted.`
The gate is closed.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be in jail?
I got time off for good behavior.
You must be confusing me with my cousin Guybrush.
Governor Phatt had me set free.
Yes, but I broke out.
Oh, I see. The resemblance is uncanny.
Ha ha. That's a good one. Walt would have chewed you to bits.
Oh.
Can I go upstairs?
When will the Governor be finished eating?
I think there's a fire in the kitchen.
Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!
I'd love to stay and chat but I'm due at the manicurist's.
I'm sorry, but the Governor doesn't want to be disturbed while he's eating.
I said the Governor is not to be disturbed while he's eating.
Really?
I'd better check it out.
Really?
I'd better fetch the cook!
Maybe you should get a shave while you're at it.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hold it! You can't go up there.



Sleeping like a baby. ...a baby elephant.
I don't think I could move him.
Ick.
I don't think I'd better wake him up.
There's food or something stuck in the drain.
It seems to go off before stuff comes out of the tube.
I don't think this has been washed in about ten years.
There are crumbs and condiments all over it.
Ick.
Why, yes, Miss Bilkfarm, I'd love another case of eclairs.
Ah, sugarplums...
More!  More spaghetti pie!
Look out for the custard!
And the winner of the weenie-eating contest is... Governor Phatt!
More sauce on the goose, please.
Cranberries?  Yes, I love cranberries!
Careful with those pitons, or we'll fall into the jello.
Now I've got to eat my way out of the sea of tapioca pudding.
Why, that's the second biggest pound cake I've ever seen!
Careful with those snacks, Eugene.
Yes, my single-handed defeat of the Fudge Brigade WAS rather amazing.
My kingdom for a peanut butter goat cream truffle!
...and I promise cheese and chocolate sprinkles in every pot...
Show me again how to hypnotize a rhino with an all-day sucker.
When thinking the brain resembles a swiss cheese...
Just back the truck in.
Hello?  I'd like a hundred gallons of butterscotch topping please.
No, you can't have a bite, it's mine. Get your own, mother.
The world is my chocolate Easter egg.
I think I almost woke him up!

He's the wheel operator.
That would be rude.
He's not my type.
It won't move. Must be locked in place when the casino is closed.
It won't move.
Hey!  Don't touch the wheel!
You are cordially invited to Governor Marley's Mardi Gras blowout. Don't forget to bring this invitation when you pick up your complimentary costume! Please present invitation at door and wear your costume.

Hello.
How ya doin'?
I'd like to place another bet.
I'd like to place a bet.
Could you explain how this game works?
Could you tell me how the game works again?
Why does that other guy keep winning so much?
How can you make any profit if that guy keeps winning?
Do many other people come to play here?
What prizes do you have left?
I just remembered.  I don't gamble.
Sure!  It's easy. Just tell me what number ya want... ...and I'll spin the wheel. If yer number comes up, ya win!
Sounds simple. What numbers can I bet on?
One to thirty-two, red or black.
Oh, maybe he's got some... ...inside help. Know what I mean?
Hey! Put a lid on it, Fred! You want the whole world to know?
Hey, I only work here. It's the owners who are losing money.
Lotsa people come to play when we've got a bunch of prizes,
But we're almost out today.  We only got one left.
But we're almost out today.  We only have two left.
But we're almost out today.  We only have three left.
We have ,
We have an invitation to Governor Marley's Mardi Gras Party.
We have ,
And, of course, we have money. Sixty pieces of eight for every bet!
We have money! Sixty pieces of eight for every bet!
Wow!
That's pretty good.
I'm not impressed.
Why not?  You could win big! Come back if you change your mind.
Betting costs money, kid... One piece of eight for one game.
Oh, yeah.
Here.
Ummm... I'm pretty tight with cash at the moment...
That's OK. We have charity games for people who are too broke to play.
Great. I think.
I feel sorry for you, kid. You just don't seem to have much luck. I'm going to let you play for free.
Here's one piece of eight.
Another charity game?
Ummm... Yeah.
OK, kid. Which number ya want?
I'd like  "
I'd like  black.
I'd like  red.
I'd like  "
I'd like  black.
I'd like  red.
I'd like  "
I'd like  black.
I'd like  red.
I'd like  "
I'd like  black.
I'd like  red.
I'd like  "
I'd like  black.
I'd like  red.
On second thought, I'll pass.
Whatever.
Here's your money back.
OK...
Here we go.
 "
You're a winner, kid.
Which of our FABulous PRIzes do you want? Take your pick!
Your choice is easy this time!
You can have 60 pieces of eight!
...OR...
You can have the invitation to Governor Marley's Mardi Gras Party!
...OR...
You can have ,
Well? Which will it be?
Gimme the MONEY!
I'd love to have the INVITATION!
I really want the -
Got anything else?
He picks the MONEY!
Well, I'm out of money for today... You're lucky that you won the last of it!
He wants the INVITATION!
He wants ,
Nope. But thESE prizes are FABuLOUS!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Thanks.
Well, that's it for me. We're out of money and prizes, we'll be closing soon. Thanks to everybody for playing!
OK...
Here we go.
@ #
Too bad!  Better luck next time.
Maybe you just weren't betting on the right number... Know what I mean?
Thanks, anyway.
I hate losing.
Place your bets please.
Care to make another bet?
Care to make a bet?
Easy money.
Big prizes for just one piece of eight.
All you have to do is watch the wheel go round.
You can't win if you don't play.
No more bets?
OK, here we go.
 '
All right!
You're a winner, sir! Which prize would you like?
What have you got left?
We have money... ...an invitation to Governor Marley's Mardi Gras Party... ...and ,
I'd like the money.
The money it is.
You win again! Today is your lucky day, all right! Would you like money again?
Yeah.
I think that's enough for me today.
OK, Ralphie.  See you tomorrow.
Excuse me, pal.
I wanna make another bet.
OK, which number?
 '
 '
Can't we play again? I want to win some more.
Well... No.
Aww, c'mon!
Hey!  What's that behind you?
What?
Where?
Hey!
Hmmm...


I'll knock.
What d'you want, kid?
You again?
What is it this time?
You're starting to annoy me.
WHAT?!
What's the next winning number going to be?
Who are you, and what are you doing back there?
I'm selling these fine leather jackets...
Have you ever heard the legend of the Mighty Guybrush?
Open up!  This is a raid!
Oops!  Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you.
What's the next winning number going to be?
Who are you, and what are you doing back there?
I'm Bruno, and that's none of your business.  Get lost.
I'm selling these fine leather jackets...
Sorry to bother you...
Have you ever heard the legend of the Mighty Guybrush?
Well, don't you want to hear it again?
Open up!  This is a raid!
Get lost.
Oops!  Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you.
Then get out of here!
Sorry, pal.
The casino is closed.
Come back tomorrow.
First give me the password.
You have to get it right three times.
If this is one...
If this is two...
If this is three...
If this is four...
If this is five...
What's this?
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
It's your hand.
I don't know.  A million?
It's a stupid password system.
I hate number games.
Can't you count?
Are you trying to confuse me?
Rutabaga.
You are a very strange person, did you know that?
Oh, so you're a little smart mouth, huh?
Well, forget it!
Look, I've been generous...
Most of the guys in the Gamblers' Club can get it in three or four tries.
Are you a new member?
Or just slow?
Come back later.
No.
It's one.
It's two.
It's three.
It's four.
It's five.
OK.  We'll start over.
Watch again.
OK, that's one right.
Two more.
That's two.  One more.
OK, you must be a member of the Gamblers' Club.
But I don't recognize you.
What!  You don't remember me?
No, I was transferred here today.  New orders.
No...
But that's OK.
You wouldn't have gotten the password right if you weren't a member.
What?
Umm...  Sorry...  I had a flashback there. What I meant was that I just joined today.
Oh.  OK.
Right.
The winning number will be  "
What do you want?
I already told you that the number would be  "
And I only fix one game at a time.
Gimme the next number.
First give me the password.
If this is one...
If this is two...
If this is three...
If this is four...
If this is five...
What's this?
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Right.
The winning number will be  '
Thanks.




Hey, don't touch that! It's precisely balanced for maximum hydrophonic fibrilation.
I said, hands off my rod.
It IS a nice pole.
Looks only slightly better than he smells.
I doubt he'd appreciate that.
I don't think so.
Yeah, but nothing gross enough to make you eat yet.
(Heh heh heh)
Oh, hi.
Given any more thought to that little wager?
Are you kidding? I reached my limit hours ago!
More than I could ever eat!
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty fisherman.
I'm a game warden.  I'll have to confiscate your pole.
Well, I gotta go.  Good luck.
Oh, you are, are you?
I'm the best fisherman in these isles!
I'm also the man who caught the notorious LeChuck!
Yeah!
I beg to differ with you:
I'M the best fisherman in these isles.
Yeah, RIGHT. If you fish as poorly as you lie, you don't even deserve to be talking to me.
I'm the best fisherman in these isles, you know.
Oh, yeah?
You?  Why, you couldn't fish your way out of a paper bag.
You?  Why, you couldn't catch cold in a blizzard.
You?  Why, you couldn't catch a fish at a restaurant.
Not!
What?
What's THAT supposed to mean?
The pike I catch make Pike's Peak look like an anthill.
That's why I'm known as `The Blowfish.`
You mean `The BlowHARD.`
I'M known as `The Sturgeon Surgeon.`
The fish you catch are so small you'd need tweezers to throw them back.
Oh, yeah?
...
Listen bait-for-brains, I'm the best around and that's that.
Not if your hooks are as dull as your wit.
Not if your bait is as tiny as your brain.
Not if your line is as weak as your lines.
Not if your reel is as rusty as your imagination.
Not if your lures are as ugly as you are.
Perhaps you'd like to make a small WAGER, eh, Mr. Fisherman?
You're a game warden, eh? Let's see a badge or something.
I must have left my badge in my other pants.
I don't have to show you any stinking badge.
Actually I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty fisherman.
Look behind you, a three-headed fish!
I think I'd better be going.
Hah!
I think so, too.
I think you're just trying to get your hands on my pole.
Do you fish?
Of course.  Why else would I want your pole?
I'm the best fisherman in these isles.
No, actually I've never been fishing in my life.
Why do you want to know?
Well, I was just thinking about a small WAGER.
Are you a betting man?
Sure, I'll take your bet.
No, I'm not a gambler.
What sort of wager were you thinking of?
Let me tell you what I had in mind first.
Pity. It would have been... ...interesting.
If you can catch a bigger fish than I can...
...I'll GIVE you my prize-winning pole.
Sounds fair.
What's the catch?
Kiss your pole goodbye.
But I don't even have a hook!
Improvise.  I'm sure you'll think of something.
If I catch a bigger fish than YOU... ...you have to eat it. RAW.
Raw?
RAW?!?
You mean, on rice with a little wasabe and soy sauce?
Ick.
Where'd you get that other pipe?
No.
Exactly.
ahem
What?
Like I say, you'd have to eat a raw fish.
Plain, cold, and with the head still on it.
What do you say?
All right, it's a bet.
It's a revolting idea.  I can't think of anything I'd less rather do.
I need more time to think about it.
OK. Let me know if you change your mind about being a wimp.
OK.
I'll be right here.
Great! I'm really looking forward to making you eat my catch.
What with all the sewage from Governor Phatt's mansion, the fish are usually pretty gross.
I never eat mine, just sell them to restaurants.
Best get fishing, buddy.
Heh heh heh.
Catch ya later.
<chuckle>
Thanks.

Err... Think I'll just drop a line right here. Plunk.
Wow, I've got a nibble already! Holy cow, he's a monster!
I've got him! What a battle!
Wow!
This is the biggest--
--er--
It's almost as big as the leviathan I just hauled in.
Really? Where IS this `leviathan?`
Errr...
I think you're lying.
Yeah, you're right, it was just a fish story.
I guess you win.
Here, take the pole.

Say, thanks. I've been looking for a copy of this book to help me identify some of the stranger looking fish I've caught.
Can't you see I'm busy?

Very picturesque.
What is this doing in a pirate game?


I can't reach it.
It's a cottage on a hill.
I'm too short.
Looks like a big hole.
Oh, my head.
**grb**
**burp**
**slp**
**fsk**
**hic**
**wsd**
**umph**



It's a plastic recycleable bottle of near-grog.
I'll only drink part of it.
I can't reach it.
When I can see far, you are near.
It's a grotesque monkey statue.
Hello, Mr. Monkey. Uh...Sir? Oh well.
It's a grotesque monkey statue.
Hello, Mr. Monkey. Uh...Sir? Oh well.
I respect privacy too much.
It's stuck.
I don't want to be a Peeping Tom.
It's stuck.
There're lots of bottles inside.
Nice window.


It's just an empty mug.
It's filled with near-grog.
Looks like an awful lot of grog.
Yuch, mud.
It's filled with a colored drink.
I don't like watered-down grog.
Gross.
I don't like to mix my drinks.
There's no need to do that anymore.
The mug is already empty.
It's empty.
It looks just like my mug of grog.
I think I'll leave it here for Rum Rogers.
There's a burn mark on the bricks.
There's nothing but bricks to look at.
I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. So pretty and witty and wise.
I don't want an empty frame.
It's already open
It's already closed.
They look like normal crates o' rum.
They're half empty.
I can't hold my alcohol.
Just like the trap door I had when I was a kid.
It won't budge.
I don't want to sit right now.
Looks like a tree to me.
A brick is a brick is a brick.
I can't move that.
I'm not a mason.
I don't want to carry that around.
He certainly does like his rum.
They all say `RUM`.
I can't hold my alcohol.
They look like normal barrels o' rum.
I can't hold my alcohol.
Back again, eh?
Let's get this over with.
Yes?  What do you want?
I was wondering if I could come in for a minute.
I'm selling these fine Corinthian leather jackets.
I'm conducting a survey.  May I ask you a few questions?
Is the lady of the house home?
I'm looking for a map.
Oops.  Wrong place.
What do you REALLY want?
I'm looking for a map.
I heard about this guy who used to live here ...
I'd like to find out some information from you.
Sorry to bother you.  I'll go now.
I knew it.
Look, kid: I'm sick of you would-be treasure hunters comin' over here.
I just inherited this house two months ago. And every single day, all I've heard is `**rap tap tap**  Do you have a treasure here?`
Why can't you people just go away and leave a retired pirate in peace?
All I want to do is come in for a minute.
Please.
Pretty please.
I won't touch anything.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood.  Prepare to die.
No.
I said `NO!`
Leave me alone.
I'm tired of being hassled.
So ... you want to sword fight, do you? Sword fighting is for wimps, weenies, and sissies.
Giving up so easily?
Wow, this game's a cinch.
I have a better way to solve a dispute. Real pirates solve their differences with a drinking contest.
Drinking contest?!
Come on in.
I'll get us set up.
This is my special grog. It's just for contests. Twice the alcohol, twice the calories.
I can't believe you're back for more. Most people just give up and go away. In fact, I'd really like it if you went away.
Don't you know when enough is enough? You know you're not going to beat me. I'm the best at this contest.
I wish I'd never bought this house. It's only caused me trouble. All these treasure hunters wanting to come in.
Excuse the boxes. I haven't had time to put them all away. Especially with all the people trying to get into my house.
I hate having to waste it.
Well, I guess you're serious about this contest.
OK, let's get on with it.
But I guess you want to go through with this.
Here's your drink ...
I'll only use part of it.
All gone.
Are you sure you don't want to back out?
No, thanks. I can hold my own.
No, thanks. I'll be fine.
No, thanks. I'm a pro.
You drink first.
Just what I expected.
Typical.
Novice.
He's too young to drink anyway.
Oh, you already drank yours.
Boy!  You're good at this contest.
That was fast.
You must be thirsty.
Take mine.  I'll go get more.
Now it's your turn.
Oh.  Your grog's a funny color.
It might have spoiled.

From what I'm told, Nobody can drink the special contest grog without feeling faint.
There's a special drink that I like.
You ever tried booze from the West?
I used to like this drink when I was younger ...
I found this great drink from a foreign land.
On the ship, we had a drink that we couldn't live without.
My usual drink used to be a strange drink made by cannibals.
But I've been practicing.
It's a bit on the bitter side.
Makes your lips pucker.
It's rather sweet.
It's smooth as a pirate's savvy.
It's sharper than a forked tongue.
Tastes just like chicken.
You know, most of the treasure hunters just leave when I ask them to.
But it's powerful medicine.
But it's weaker than a sponge soaked in water.
But it hurts as it goes down.
But it slides down the throat like fire.
But it's stronger than a mule team.
But it's got a wonderful aroma.
But you. You're persistent.
I guzzled it with the best of them.
Never could get enough of that stuff.
Used to drink it all the time.
I had cases and cases of it All in one day.
Used to drink barrels and barrels of it.
My buddies and I drank it faster than we could open the bottles.
It'll get you places in life, boy.
I could give it up anytime I wanted.
Then I came to my senses.
Then there was a shortage of it a few years ago.
Then my supply ran out ... And my girlfriend went with it.
Then the taxes on it were raised.
Then I realized that I relied on it to get up in the morning.
But it won't get you into my house.
But I needed something else, so I drank rum.
So I started drinking rum to fill the gap in my life.
That's why I started drinking rum.
That was when I took up rum.
My next drink of choice was rum.
So I switched to drinking rum.
I shouldn't take Rum's mug.
I'll only drink part of it.
This isn't Monkey Island 1.


No house should be without one of these.
I can see inside Rum's house from here.
I can't reach it.
It's a skeleton holding a piece of map.
It's not mine to use.
Looks like he died while taking a bath.
Yuck!  I don't want to touch it.
Skeletons don't talk.


Deep inside LeChuck's fortress...
Ah... LeChuck sir... I regret to report that Guybrush has found one of the map pieces to Big Whoop.
You will regret a lot more if he finds another.
Stop him at any cost.
But remember... ...I want him alive.
Yes sir.
Creep.



I see.
He looks like he's really into this stuff.
Call me Stingy, but I'm not giving away my money.
That's worth way too much to give back.
That's not mine to give away.
What?!! Am I nuts?
I'm not that stupid.
I'm not giving that away.
I already have too many of those.
I can't take that back. Some of the teeth are bent.
Actually, this might come in handy later.
I'd like to keep this so I can look at myself.
Sorry kid. I don't do sports nostalgia.
Get that piece of junk out of here.
Hey!  That's thing's not sanitary anymore! Get it away from me!
No, thanks.
I don't think he'd like that.
It's not mine to use.
I always wanted one of these.
Soil the King's image? Sacrilege!
HEY!  Don't do that to my parrot.
Sorry, he's not for sale.
It has a picture of a parrot on the front.
The bag is empty.
I think he likes it where it is.
Would you mind leaving that here? The parrot likes it even better than the mirror.
`Beware of Parrot`
It may be old, but it's still shiny and sharp.
I don't think I should cut that.
It belongs to the antique dealer now.
I wouldn't want to do anything that would devalue it.
I paid for it. I don't have to put it back.
I don't want to hang that there.
It's firmly attached to the wall.
It's never too early to prepare for the holidays.
As what?  A hat?
`Inspected by 27`
Nah.  I have a thing about lice.
This might make a nice wall hanging.
I don't have a use for it.
Just like the pen from Mom and Dad's wedding!
No ink. Nothing much to write about, anyway.
`Made in Hong Kong`

How much is the map piece?
Do you take Visa?
What kind of trade-ins do you accept?
What would you trade for the map piece?
Can you tell me about the ship with the figurehead?
Please tell me about the ship with the figurehead again.
Nice shop you got here.
I have to go now.
The map piece is made of authentic parchment from the turn of the century. Can't find things like that anymore.
Yah, but how much is it?
About six million pieces o' eight.
Um ... I don't think I have that much to spend.
Well ... I do have some nice fake maps for less.
No thanks.
Yeah, like you have one.
But I do accept personal checks or trade-ins.
I'll take most old swords, some used parrots, almost anything valuable made of bronze, and a few old ship parts.
Would you give me the map piece for any of those things?
No.  But there's one thing I might trade for the map piece.
There was a certain ship that sunk and I'd really like the figurehead.
I'd give you the map if you got the figurehead for me.
The ship was a huge galleon named The Mad Monkey. Nobody knows where it sank or why. But, the figurehead is supposed to be the most fabulous piece of art ever.
That's why I want it. I'm a collector of fine art, as I'm sure you can see.
What a coincidence! I just so happen to have that very figurehead.
Thanks.  I pride myself on the quality of my merchandise.
I only sell the finest of pirate memorabilia. Even the trade-ins are first class.
And I always make you the best deals.
How can you afford to do that?
Volume.
The figurehead from the Mad Monkey!
Ordinarily, I'd pay six million pieces o' eight for this. But I'm a bit short on the cash right now.
I'll give you this Big Whoop map piece for it.
Sure.  I'll take the map piece.
Well, well, well. I didn't think anyone would ever get the Mad Monkey's figurehead.
Can I get the map piece now?
Sure.
It's yours.
Isn't he a beautiful parrot?
He's preoccupied with his reflection.
I think he's in love.
Mr. Polly likes that mirror.
Yeah, he seems to be in love with his reflection.
It says, `Beware of Parrot.`
That's an authentic pirate's fishhook. Found it inside a crocodile who was too petered out to move.
Thanks for giving that to me. I think the parrot likes it.
That's part of the Big Whoop treasure map. I don't know a lot about the piece, but there's supposed to be a book in the library that tells all about the whole map.
That collectible plate is worth a mint.
Wow!  I knew those would be valuable one day.
Those are authentic scale reproductions of rotting skulls rendered in sun-bleached whalebone. There's even some loose skin to hang them up from.
That's the legendary white whale. Never been caught, except on canvas.
Does it have a name?
Dunno.
Maybe.  Maybe not. Nothing says a whale must have a name.
That's a Mark VII `devastator` triple-cannon emplacement. If only they'd thought to leave a hole for the fuse.
You'd look good in one of those. And they're great for parties.
I made that myself from my last parrot. Got too noisy for me.
Check out these balls! They're made of a fine iron cast.
I was told that these are used as a form of barter in the inner cities.
I have an eyepatch in every shape.
I got that as a gift from a man I saved few years ago. Don't have much use for a wheel, but he said one good turn deserves another.
It was handmade by a good friend of mine from another island.
That's the real thing! As seen in `Raiders`, `Temple`, `Holy Grail`, and `The Young Chronicles`.
It's said that the infamous Greenbeard won that barrel from Long John Cooper in a poker game. Shame that it's empty.
That's a real ship's horn just like the ones used on modern ships.
It looks like Spiffy the Pinhead.
It's empty.
It's ergomically formulated to enhance stopping power.
That's a great gift for the holidays.
Found that beauty at the bottom of the sea. She cleaned up real nicely though.
That's a sign I took from the famous Precipice View Road.
I've never heard of it.
They call it `Dead Man's Drop` now.
Ah, the famous ceremonial lights from the pirates of the South Pacific. Those aren't for sale.
It's a picture of a couple of wenches.
It's a picture of a pirate with peg legs.
I'm not sure exactly what this is.
It's a beautiful antique porcelain vase.
I'd like to buy this... ...thing.
I'd like to buy these 
I'd like to buy this 
Sorry, that sign's not for sale.
Oh.
Well, ah ...
I guess I could sell it.
You already bought the last one I have for sale. I need to keep at least one for a display model.
Actually, those belong to my son. They aren't for sale.
I just keep those here because they're cool. They're not for sale.
I just couldn't part with those. They have sentimental value.
Yah, I like that too. But it's not for sale.
That's one of my favorite things in the store. But I don't have enough back stock to sell it.
That's great, huh? Too bad it's not for sale.
I only have one of those. So I need to keep it as a display model.
That's 6,000,000 pieces o' eight. Do you want it?
Excellent choice.
I see you have an eye for quality.
Alrighty.
Okeydokey.
Great!
And I'd like to sell you one of them.
And I'd like to sell it to you.
They're @ pieces o' eight each.
That'll be @ pieces o' eight.
I can't afford that much.
Too bad.
If you really want it, I could buy back some of the stuff you bought from me.
OK.  I'll take it.
On second thought, I'd better save my money.
Your loss.
It's yours.
Let me get you one from overstock.
Here you go.

How much will you give me for this plaque?
I'm not interested.
What do you mean?  It's worth a mint!
You'd be interested if you knew how valuable it was.
OK, but you're missing a great deal here.
For a lump of pus on a shingle?
That's not just any lump of pus.
It's better than most of the junk in here.
Fine.  Your loss, buddy.
Oh yeah? What's so special about it?
The spit of the person who killed LeChuck is on it.
It's made out of rare, ecologically safe materials.
Actually, it's so valuable, I'd better keep it.
Really?! That would make it very valuable. And I do like bronze, anyway.
I'll give you 6000 pieces o' eight for it.

It's a deal.
Uh-huh.
Can I sell back these 
Can I sell back this 
Sure.
Heck, I'll even give you back what you paid for them.
Heck, I'll even give you back what you paid for it.
Thanks.
Well, I was feeling guilty about how much I charged you anyway.
Hey, I'm a fair guy.
Call me soft hearted.
After all, this ain't Stan's.
We aim to please.
No one leaves here unsatisfied.
Hey! Take that thing outside, will ya?




`First Place`
`Second Place`
`Third Place`
Ah, the whole world loves a spitting contest.
I'm not looking for a fight.
`Pirates' Spit Contest`
`Pirates' Spit Contest`
`SPIT FUN SPIT FUN`
It's a plaque with an old-looking gob of something on it.
For what?  A paperweight?
Sorry, kid. Only one plaque to a spitter.
A volunteer!
Alright, settle down folks. This kid looks like a serious contender.
What's your name, boy?
Juicious Maximus the Third.
Well, they call me The Phlegm Master.
I am, of course, Captain Loogie.
Whoops!  Thought this was croquet.  Bye.
The Juice Man! Max Mucus! He's juicy to the max!
The Phlegmster! The Phlegmalizer! The Master of Phlegm!
The Loogster! Loog-o-rama! Hockin' the big ones for fame and fortune!
Oh, no.  Dry tongue at the last minute!
Well, what about you folks?
(ahem)
Dribble Boy is back!
Juicious Maximus has returned!
The Phlegm Master, ready for his comeback!
Captain Loogie is in the house!
Spit away!
Swish-swish.
Hooooooock!
Chwwwwwwk!
Ptooie!
Spit?  That's gross!  I'm outta here.
Misfire!  Misfire!
Everybody run!
Maybe a little over the max on the juice, there.
Well, so much for the Phlegm Master.
Gee, that's too bad, Captain.
Well, better luck next time, Dribble Boy.
Let's give him a big hand anyway, folks.
At least he tried.
He's cleared first place!
That was truly awe-inspiring! Sports fans, we've seen something incredible here today!
Let me congratulate you and give you this fine commemorative plaque.
I think you've earned the title `Phlegm Master` now.
You truly are the Master of Phlegm.
I salute you, Captain Loogie.
Way to go, Juicious.
Come on, let's give him a hand.
Of course, there are plenty more prizes for the rest of you. So how about it, gang?
What's this?  A surprise turnaround in performance?
It looks like he's rallying!
Hey, he's been working out!
Oh, and I thought he was going to go all the way.
Looks like someone stopped practicing.
Oooh, he's slipping folks.
Well, no records here.
At least he's consistent.
Once again...
Looks like second place.
Looks like third place.
That doesn't quite qualify.
...but...
I think that deserves a little applause...
Too bad there are only prizes for first place. Better luck next time.
Now, how about the rest of you?
I'm sick of that old codger and his false alarms!
Sounds like old Augustus spotted the mail boat!
Again?
False alarm.
As I was saying...
I don't want to push it.
Cheat?  With everyone watching?
I'd better not move them any farther... ...these guys are dumb, but not THAT dumb.
OK, now who's gonna be next?
It's a great day for spitting!
Just look at this juicy crowd!
Step up to the line and test your swill!
Valuable prizes!
Even a child can do it! In fact, they do it very well!
Come on.  It's all paid for by Booty Island Parks and Rec!
Just put your two lips together and blow!
Are you pirates or not?
Two, four, six, eight! Come on, let's expectorate!
Everybody already has the necessary equipment.
Turn a disgusting habit into a prestige-winning skill!
Don't let this grass wither up and die!
What was that?  Did I hear somebody swallow? What a waste!
Thousands will spit.  Hundreds will win!
No volunteers?  If Blackbeard were here he'd shoot you all right now.
Don't be shy!  Let it fly!
I know you want to volunteer... ...it's on the tip of your tongue.
You think spitting is gross? I'll tell you what's gross-- Swallowing that stuff is gross.
Prove to me that you guys are at least as fun as a pack of llamas.
I hear there are some scouts here from the pro spitting circuit...
This may be your last chance at popularity and success!
Sure looks enthusiastic about spitting.
I'm not stupid enough to fall for my own trick!

We're with ya, Juicious!
Alright, Phlegm-master!
C'mon, Captain Loogie!
You show 'em, Dribble Boy!
Let's go!
Spit!
Come on!
Let 'er rip!
You can do it!
Better not blow it, man.
Hey spitter hey spitter hey spitter...
You stink!
Hummm, baby!
Right on!
What are you waiting for?
I don't think he's got the lips for it.
C'mon!  What are you?  Afraid?
Shouldn't he be disqualified by now?

 


There wasn't anything down there.
The galleon is here!
Well, here we are. What now?
What did you do, order this ship out of the back of a comic book?
This ship is so small, the rats leaving it are humpbacked.
Whose bathtub did the ship come from?
I've seen bigger ships in bottles.
I've seen COFFEE CUPS bigger than this ship.
I'll dive in and look for the sunken galleon.
I'll dive in again.
Let's head back to Booty Island.
I'm sure it's near here, can we try another spot?
Very funny.
The guy who writes your lines is as funny as your tailor.
Did you think that up all by yourself?
Ha ha.
Can we get on with it?
OK.
Are you sure you can swim?
Hey, I can hold my breath for ten minutes!
Well... ...I feel kind of sorry for you, so OK. Just point it out.



It's too heavy to swim with.
Stupid Bug!
It's so heavy that I won't be able to swim to the surface if I pick it up.
I wouldn't want to do anything that would devalue it.
It's too heavy to swim with.
It looks really heavy.
What a valuable antique.
I wouldn't want to do anything that would devalue it.
Looks like the anchor rope leading back to Kate's ship.
I can just swim to the surface. I don't need to hitch a ride on the anchor.
Kate's ship sure looks small from way down here.
This monkey head is too heavy to carry to the surface. Considering this game has no drop verb, I'm doomed.
Looks like Kate's anchor.
I can just swim to the surface. I don't need to hitch a ride on the anchor.
That's too heavy to pick up.
Akkk!!! I'm drowning!
Gotta drop this thing!




Ah...
LeChuck sir... I just wanted to report that we have finished building the new torture chamber you requested.
Very good.
Do you have anything else to report?
Ah...
No...
Well...
There is one other small little thing.
I assume this has to do with Guybrush's capture?
Well... Sort of...
You've allowed him find the second map piece, haven't you!!
YOU FOOL!
You are to ready your ship and sail after him yerself!
FIND HIM OR DIE!


What a beautiful dress!
I don't want to wear this right now.
That reminds me: I want to buy the latest comic book by Steve Purcell.
I should check with the shopkeeper first.
Sorry, that costume's rented.
I don't know what it is, but it sure is ugly.
That doesn't look like any cannibal I've ever seen.
He looks really busy.
Leave me alone.  I saw that already.
Sorry, no returns.
No, thank you.
I don't want to pin him.
You can pick up your costume anytime.
Hope you're enjoying your costume.
I'd like to rent a costume.
I'd really like to rent a costume.
I'd really REALLY like to rent a costume.
I NEED to rent a costume.
I HAVE TO rent a costume.
My life depends on renting a costume.
Did I ask you about renting a costume yet?
Um, I'm looking for a costume.
PLEASE rent me a costume.
But you have tons of costumes.
Why are your costumes so popular?
You look busy.  I'll come back later.
Our costumes are all gone or on reserve.
I hear there're invitations available in the gambling alley on Phatt Island. One reserved costume per invitation.
Sorry.
Try us after Mardi Gras.
Or get an invitation at the casino on Phatt Island.
Look.  If you don't have a reservation, you don't have a costume.
I said, I'm all out.
I told you, we don't have any more costumes.
Can't you see I'm busy?
Sorry, can't help you.
Next time make a reservation.
I don't have a costume for you.
They're all reserved and waiting to be picked up.
I'm the only costume shop in a five-island radius.
And besides, everybody who's anybody is going to the big Mardi Gras celebration at Governor Marley's mansion.
Ah, you have a costume on reserve!
Well, that's a different story!
Let's see...
Your costume is right over here...
Walk this way, please.
Well, here it is. You'll surely be the talk of the party in this.
Well, have fun and enjoy your costume.
This is really nice.
Neat.
I like this one.
Great costume.
I had one like that when I was a kid.
I think this one's my favorite.
I wonder if I can rent this one.



Spacious.
I'm not ready for that yet.
Hey, take your time.  No hurry.
I'm no magician.
I nailed them in there pretty good. Don't think I can get them out.
They must have fused with the teflon gasket! Oh Lord, I'm doomed!
Nice finish.
I'm no magician.
Are you still out there? Hello?
Bye now!
Uh... be there in a minute.
It's locked.
It's empty.
I don't want to get in trouble.
It's open and empty.
`Stan's Kozy Krypts -- A Place to Spend Eternity, Not a Fortune.`
That's disgusting!
`When the tears come, shouldn't you be prepared? -Stans Previously-Owned Coffins.`
I almost forgot. I wanted you to have this complimentary hankie.
Just my way of saying, `I care.`
Now, where were we? Oh yeah.
Sure, sure.  Try out the lid operation. It's just as roomy closed.
HOWDY!!!
Welcome to Stan's Previously Owned Coffins! We handle the dead for a lot less bread.
What are you looking for, son?
Need a bin for your next of kin?
Want a family plot without spending a lot?
You're in luck!
Just look at all this quality merchandise!
Never before touched by a living soul.
Most of it used only for a few hours...
...premature burial, you know.  That sort of thing.
Well, speak up.  Or are you dead? Either way, you came to the right place.
Well, well, well. I knew you'd come back.
My customers always do. ...EVENTUALLY.
Hey, welcome back!
Could you show me that coffin again?
How much is that coffin?
I'm looking for a good used coffin.
Actually, I'd just like to browse.
Didn't you used to be a used-ship salesman?
Do you do funerals?
I'm not actually in the market for a coffin yet.
I need to get something embalmed.
I gotta go.  See you later.
Amazing! When you first walked in here I said, `Now THERE'S a guy who needs a good used coffin!`
There happens to be an excellent deal right behind you.
Let's go take a look-see.
Now this here...
...is the Cadillac of Coffins.
Look at all that leg room!
There's room in there for Long John Silver himself!
Here--let me get in and show you.
Now this isn't just your average sixty-gallon coffin. This has the full seventy-five gallons you need to avoid unsightly bone readjustments.
Good solid construction on this baby. `It keeps out the wormsWhile your body firms.`
I have to warn you, I've got five other dead guys coming to look at this today.
Have you decided to buy?
Could you get in and show me how big it is again?
Can I show you anything else?
Well, it's complicated... Pricing here at Stan's works on a sliding scale... ...based on one's ability to pay...
...so as to make a decent funeral affordable to even our poorest customers.
That's very considerate of you.
So, how much dough do you have on you?
I have 1 pieces of eight.
Oooh, that hurts. They JUST raised the casket tax. Now that baby's going for  pieces of eight.
Actually, I'm one of those poor customers you were talking about.
I see. I think cremation might be more appropriate in this instance.
Of course we do funerals! And not just those somber, all-black, three-handkerchief affairs...
We do it in a rowdy Mardi Gras style, with music and dancing and pallbearer races...
I like to say we put the FUN in FUNerals. Heh heh.
Well, you came to the right place! `Your loved ones deserve Stan's special preserve.`
`You won't smell a whiff When we're done with your stiff.`
I never knew morticians were so clever.
Sorry... Health regulations prohibit me from allowing uncertified persons free access to used internment paraphernalia.
Aw, shucks.
It's never too early to make funeral arangements. Making plot reservations now insures you a space at our popular Scabb Island Internment Park...
...as well as entitling you to discounts on park rentals.
Rentals?
You know--for barbecues, parties--that sort of thing.
Well, yeah. But I decided to get into a business where unsatisfied customers are less likely to come back and complain.
Here, take this complimentary hankie.
Just my way of saying, `I care.`
Maybe sooner than you think.
Yes, a man can really rest in peace AND comfort with one of these.
Why should a man's coffin be any smaller than his bunk at sea?
I could spend a lot of time in a coffin like this.
Look at how freely I can wiggle my toes.
This thing's bigger than my kitchen!
You know, a person's coffin should reflect their station in life.
If you're thinking about one of those cheaper models, first ask yourself, `Isn't my loved one worth the best?`
This is truly the casket of captains.
When you've spent your life on something as big as the ocean, how can you spend your death in anything smaller?
There's enough room in here for a pirate AND his parrot.
Feel free to join me.  There's room for both of us!
I could just stay in here all day.
If you should ever need to turn in your grave... ...you could in here with comfort and ease.
Even though it is used, you'll notice it still has that new coffin smell.
I don't mean to scare you, but anything smaller than this and we might have to cut off your loved one's feet.
Take it from me, I'm as claustrophobic as they come, and I love it in here.
This baby's so nice, it should be illegal-- It makes people want to die.
I've got one of these in the back for when I go.
Just take a look at this convenient beverage holder.
We also stock an excellent worm repellent that I might just throw in for free.
You gotta admit, it's cozy. Do I not look cozy in here?
It's already nailed shut.
But I don't have a hammer.
But I don't have any nails.
But it's open.
It's just as roomy closed. Here, let me show you...
See?
I hear you knocking up there. That's solid oak you're hearing!
Yes it sure is nice in here.
Hey!  I think the lid's stuck!
Uh...  Excuse me, friend... Could you see if the clasp is closed on this thing? I seem to be stuck...
Hello?
Is there anybody out there?
Yoo-hoo?
Help!
I can't get out of here!
OK, a joke's a joke, now GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Open this coffin right now!
Anybody?
I really am claustrophobic.
Someone's going to pay for this.
I'd bust out of here, but the dang thing's built too well.
Well, if I had to be stuck in a coffin, at least it's the deluxe model.
It really is pretty roomy in here.
Maybe I'll take a nap.
I hope this thing's not airtight.
I'm not dead!
I'm losing valuable business.
Let me out!  I need to go to the bathroom.
Hey, kid.  Don't be touching that.
Sure!
Okeydokey!
Alrighty...
Yessiree!
Heck, why not?
No problemo!
What an excellent idea!
I was just going to suggest that myself.
Of course!
Hey, anything you say!
Dang.  Looks like it's empty.
Of course it is! I just went to the bank! Now get me out of here!



Boy, it's a long way down there.
What a nice map.
I don't think that will work.
I can't reach it.


Big woodpeckers.
Looks like a plank stuck in a hole in a tree.
It's already in use.
For what?
It's too high for me to reach.
One end looks carved so it will fit into holes.
I can't reach that high.
I don't think it will work with that.
I don't think it will work with that.
Gee, guess it was an antique.
It's not too useful in its present form.
`Central Caribbean School for Governors... ...Crew '67`
I can't reach that high.
I don't think that needs a paddling.
It looks better, stronger, faster.
But I'm standing on it.
Hmmm...  I think I get the idea.


Ouch! That really hurts!
Wait a minute... Something very strange is going on here...
Do not attempt to adjust your set!
Dad! Mom!
What are you two doing here?
We came looking for you.
Where have you been?
You came looking for me? But I thought you abandoned me!
Why would we do that? We are such loving parents.
Yes, we are.
So what do you two want?
We have some information for you, son.
Really? Great! What is it?
Well, we're going to give it to you in the form of a song.
Oh.  OK...

Wow... They're good.
I've gotta write this down!

What is it?  What's wrong?
Why did you leave me again?
BOOO!
HAR HAR HAR HAR!
LeChuck! But I killed you!
You didn't kill me, you little moron!
I was already a ghost when you met me!
You just destroyed my spiritual essence... A favor that I will now return!
Wow!  What a dream!



It's hundreds and hundreds of maps!
I don't care about the rest.
I don't want them all, and I can't tell which one is Governor Marley's!
There are hundreds of them! Even if one were a piece of the map to Big Whoop, I would never be able to find it!
That's the bird that stole my map!
No way.  He looks like he bites.
It's not mine to use.
It's lovely Booty Island.

It's crazy...
...but it just might work.
Hello? Little Guybrush?
Good boy!
Run along home now.
Now that's a good dog.

That doesn't seem to smell interesting to him.
There's nothing interesting in there.
It's already open.


Deep within LeChuck's fortress, bla bla bla bla bla...
Largo!
Er...
You called for me?
Is it true that Guybrush Threepwood has found the third piece of the map to Big Whoop?
Ah... Yes sir... I was about...
Why did you not come and tell me yerself?
Well... I was trying to confirm that he really...
Largo...
You have been my trusted henchman for many years...
But I won't hesitate to drag your entrails from behind my ship...
...if you do not bring me Guybrush before he finds that treasure!




You are cordially invited to Governor Marley's Mardi Gras blowout. Don't forget to bring this invitation when you pick up your complimentary costume! Please present invitation at door and wear your costume.
What a beautiful dress!
I don't want to wear this right now.
Nothing inside.
Is there something I can help you with?
I'm here for the Governor's party.
You mentioned a party before...
You mentioned a party before...
Nice costume.  Almost scared me to death.
What are you guarding here?
Elaine Marley?  From Mˆl‚e Island?
Party?  What party?
Gotta go.  Keep up the good work.
Elaine Marley, of course.
Yup.  The same heroic Elaine Marley who killed the Ghost Pirate LeChuck.
But, I killed LeChuck!
Why would Governor Marley lie?
Jealousy?
Revenge?
Fame and fortune?
For attention?
In your dreams.
I'm guarding Governor Marley's mansion.
Thanks.
Where's your costume for the Governor's party?
Governor Marley is having a huge Mardi Gras party.
Invitation only... costumes required... that sort of thing.
You mean Governor Marley's Mardi Gras fish fry?
It's invitation only and costumes are required.
Did you bring a costume and invitation?
Did you bring a costume?
Did you bring an invitation?
I've got my invitation right here.
I don't have an invitation.
I have my costume right here.
This is my costume.
Uh, I didn't want to go anyway.
Suit yourself.
Well, what do you know? You do have an invitation.
Do you have a costume?
Then you can't go past me.
Nobody would willingly wear such a dopey costume.
Better put it on.
Well, if you insist. But you'll have to try to restrain yourself.
No, no!  Not here!
Go in the bushes or something.
Geeze...
Oh, that is nice.
And the boots are a nice touch.
Do you have an invitation?
OK, I guess you can go through.
Have fun.
THE GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK!!!!
Get a grip. Don't you know a Mardi Gras costume when you see one?
I'd rather not wear this costume in public.


Maybe while I'm in the woods I'll ditch this stupid costume.
Leave me alone. I'm busy.
I'd better not. He's got a rake.
Aw, what a cute little thing.
Don't you patronize me. I'm a scholar.
Now why would I want to pick on such a cute little puppy?
I'm fetching enough already in this dress.
That doesn't seem to smell interesting to him.
It looks like it's about to blow away.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Whoops.  Too late.
What the...
Hey...
Dang wind.
Come back here!
Slippery little devil...
Hold still.
OK, that does it.
I think I've had enough fun with this poor little dog already.
You'd better not touch that dog!
I'm warning you--he bites!
I'd like to, but this dress just doesn't have the pockets for it.
You're coming with me.
I thought I told you to beat it!
You keep away from that dog!
Ha! Bark as loud as you want!
There you go again!
Cut that out!
Aren't you listening to me?
I'm about to stick that thing in your ear!
I should probably stay in costume, for now.


Finally...
Alright!  I got the first map piece!
Yeah!  Now I've got two map sections!
That makes three map pieces--only one to go!
That's the last map piece. Gee... I still can't make heads or tails of it. I think I need an expert.
It looks like part of the map to Big Whoop!


Uh... nice doggie...
What's the matter there, Guybrush?
Nothing a big hug wouldn't cure.
LeChuck's alive and I'm on the lam!
This crazy mutt is trying to kill me!
How did you know my name?
I was talking to the dog.
Who are you?
She named her DOG Guybrush?
Mr. Threepwood.  Take me to the Governor right away.
I'm Governor Marley's ex-boyfriend.  She's expecting me.
I'm selling these fine pink dresses.
I'm here for the party.  Want to see my invitation?
Yeah, I don't get it either. It's not much of name if you ask me.
She says it's cause he's dumb and helpless and keeps getting in the way.
But he sure can sniff out the Governor's possessions.
Maybe you should empty your pockets.
I was just about to suggest the very same thing.
But first, why don't you empty your pockets?
Sure, sure, loverboy. I'll just take you right up to see her.
No thanks.  It's not on my color wheel.
But let's just see what you have in your pockets.
That's a good idea.
While you're at it, why don't you show me everything you have in your pockets?
Oh, look out for that rake.


 
It sure is big.
It's slimy and squishy.
It's a whole mess of fish!
I don't think I need any more.
Hey!  Kitchen staff only!
I said kitchen staff only!

Don't even THINK about going in there!
It's a beat-up metal trash can.
No way. It probably smells.
It IS closed.
It says, `Dear Booty Island Waste Disposal Service: Shhhh! Please don't bang garbage cans. Governor sleeping upstairs.`
They're empty.
No thanks.  They reek of fish.
It's empty.
I think I've been enough of a pest.
I said cut that out!
CRASH!
Hey!  What's all the racket?
You again?!
Oh, there you are. Anyway, like I was saying...
There you go again!
Cut that out!
Aren't you listening to me?
I'm about to stick that thing in your ear!

 
 
Don't mess with the Governor's cans!
Don't be blowing nothing around here!
Who do you think you are?
You better just get out of here!
No good punk.
If it's not raccoons, it's teenage vandals!
You call that music or something?
You heard me.  Get lost.
Transient hooligan.
Why I oughtta...
You've got some nerve.
I don't have time for this.
Go away boy.  You bother me.
Beat it!
I'm going to use this meat cleaver in a second.
This neighborhood has really gone downhill.
Get a job!
Why don't you go down to the dump if you like garbage cans so much?
Why don't you go join a parade if you like blowing horns so much?
SCRAM!
Don't you have anything better to do?
Kids today!
Does your mother know where you are?
I'm sick of looking at you already.
Bothering innocent people's trash...
Bothering innocent people with blaring music...
Why don't you shove off?
What's the matter?  No parlay Englais?
I said scram!
Vammoose!
Try sticking your head in a cannon if you like loud noises.
Don't let me catch you hanging around the Governor's party, either.
Take a hike!
OK, that's it.  I'm calling the cops!
Make yourself scarce.
You'd better go before I lose my temper.
I'll beat you like an egg!
This is a respectable place, hear me?
We don't take to your kind here.
Buzz off!
Shoo!
Yeah, I'm talking to you!
Amscray!
I think I hear your mother calling.
Go get a haircut!
I'm warning you--I can debone a chicken in fifteen seconds with my bare hands.
OK, that's it.  No more Mr. Nice Guy.
This is your last chance--I'm running out of spit.
Hmpf!



They seem to be enjoying the party.
I'm not dressed for wrestling.
Can I just squeeze by?
Get a room.
Can I see both of your ID's, please?
Haven't you ever heard of mono?
Step aside, please.
OK, party's over.  Time to go home.
I can't get by these people on the stairs.
It looks like part of the map to Big Whoop!
It's not mine to use.
Looks like I'm too late for the hors d'oeuvres.
Too late--they're already picked clean.
Nice costume.

I'm gonna sweat off twenty pounds in this stupid costume!
No kidding. I forgot to put airholes in mine.
Why do we put up with this stuff?
I dunno.
I guess to prove we're fun-loving guys?
You check out the spitting contest?
Yeah.  Got second place.
Not bad!
Yeah, well, you know. The wind was with me.

Nice mask.
Thanks.
More subtle than most.
Yes, thanks.
Not your usual, larger-than-life, Mardi Gras head.
Nope.
Probably saved a lot on materials, huh?
I'm sure I don't know.
Not that paper mache is very expensive...
Do you mean `Papier-Mƒch‚?`
Yeah, whatever.
No, I don't imagine that it's very expensive at all.
Still, you must have saved a bundle.
I never scrimp when it comes to the holidays.
Well, I didn't mean you were cheap...
Parties and balls are my life.
I just meant...
Making gay is the only purpose I can find in my wretched, well-to-do life.
I'm sure it must be hard--
But you say my costume looks cheap.
No, no.  It looks great!
That's not what you said before.
I just said it looked... subtle.
Can't we just drop the subject?
Yeah.  OK.  Fine.


To Elaine Marley!
To Elaine!
To this great party!
To the party!
To the salmon pƒte!
Pƒte!
To Mardi Gras!
Mardi Gras!
To all the women I've loved before!
OK!
And let's have one for the Jolly Roger!
Yeah!  For Roger!
To the Sea!
The Sea!
To the Land!
The Land!
To the Manatee!
Ah, yes.
To Santa Claus!
Santa!
To the love of a good parrot!
Aye!  A pirate's best friend!
To that captain we strung up three years ago!
Swab this!  That's what I say to him!
To penicillin!
To penicillin!
To Blackbeard himself!
Now there's a man!
Here's to good friends!
Tonight IS kind of special...
One for the road!
One for the road!
For old time's sake!
For old times!
To less talk, more rock!
Amen!
To fresh-cut grass!
Of course!
To the life of a pirate!
What a life!
To little puppies!
Aw, that's cute.
To moderate, social drinking!
Moderation in all things, yes.

So where are all the chicks?
Yeah.  I thought there'd be some here.
Then again... ...in these costumes, who can tell?
That's true. There might be some babes here.
But what can we do about it?
Well...  we just ask.
Ask? What are you, nuts?
Yeah.  I guess you're right.
Sigh.
Mardi Gras sure is tough on us swingers.
I'll drink to that.

Some party, eh?
Yep.
Try the fish?
Yeah.  Almost choked on a bone.
Hear the one about the Polar Bear with the hairlip?
Yeah.  Last week.
Yeah, well.  You know.
Yeah.
How's work?
Same old, same old.
Like the music?
It's alright.
Where'd you get the costume?
Ah, I wore it last year.
Can I get you a refill?
Nyah.  I'm fine.
Pretty good turn out.
Yep.
Heard any new jokes?
Not in months.
Gotta get the recipe for that fish.
Oh, yeah.
(Cheap sexual innuendo.)
(Mindless retort.)
Blah BLAH blah...
BLAH blah blah...

Nice costume.
Some party, eh?
Hi.  My name's Guybrush.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Where'd you get that drink?
So how do you know Elaine?
Anyone seen the Governor?
Tried the fish?
This is some house, wouldn't you say?
So, when do we bob for apples?
Say, did you make that costume yourself?
Hey!  Let's form a bunny hop line!
Well, it's been nice talking to you. Gotta go now.
Is there a bathroom in here?
What did you say your name was?
I just heard the funniest story...
This is fun. We should all do this more often, don't you think?
So are you wearing anything under there?




Man, she has shoulder pads in everything.
I think I'm wearing enough women's clothes right now.
I'm warm enough in the one I have on.
Nothing back here.
I'd like to, but I'd better stay in costume.
I'm pretty comfortable in what I have on.
Hey, it's Zonker Harris in a dress!
Hey, it's Zonker Harris!
You know, I heard some guys talking about Marley's bust... ...this must be it.
I don't want to break anything. Elaine would kill me.
I can see the map fluttering around in the front yard.
I can see Governor Marley's front yard.
It's just a porcelain replica of a chest. I hate that knick-knacky junk.
It's impolite to stare at a woman's chest.
The last time I stole something from Governor Marley I almost ended up as fish food.
Comfy.
I'd better not muss up Elaine's sheets.
`Central Caribbean School for Governors... ...Crew '67`
Well, maybe she won't miss this old thing.

Governor, I caught one of your party guests making off with your grandfather's map.
Another would-be treasure hunter, eh? Bring him in.
In here, Guybrush!
Guybrush!
Guybrush Threepwood?!?
The one and only, sugarbear!
Of all the parties in all the houses on all the islands in the Caribbean... ...he had to crash mine!
It's destiny, honeycakes!
Don't talk to me.
Snugglepuss!
Get lost.
Punkydoodle!
I'm warning you...
Pooper-dooper!
Maybe I should go rake the back forty.
Look at us, together again.
Boy.  We haven't been like this since... ...well...
Since I quit my job and moved away without leaving a forwarding address?
Was that what happened?  Gee, I thought...
Guybrush!  Can't you take a hint?
We were a mistake!
I thought we had an agreement.
Maybe I wasn't clear enough the last time...
Boy, you really can't take a hint.
Aren't you supposed to be history?
Don't you ever give up?
Why can't you just leave me alone?
I thought I smelled something.
Oh, Guybrush...
I know I shouldn't have anything to do with you...
...but there's something about your weakness and ineptitude that I find infectious.
Does that mean you're going to let me have the map?
The map! Is that what this is all about?
I should have known better!
If the map's all you care about...
...you'd better go out and get it.
That's it! I've had enough.
Get your mangy hide outta my house.
OK, that's enough!
Get out of here!
That's the last straw!
Beat it or be sorry.
I can't take it anymore!
Hit the road!
You have three seconds to leave my room.
One... Two... Three...

I've decided to let you come back to me.
I'm waiting for your apology.
Is it my imagination, or have you gained weight?
I came all this way to see you--at least get me a beer.
Great to see you again.  Is there any food in this dump?
Gosh you're cute when you're pretending to be mad.
Your lonely nights are over, baby.  I have returned.
How's your sister?  The REALLY good-looking one?
You know, I kinda liked your old house better.
So tell me... You and the gardener?  Eh?
Still not afraid to use a lot of perfume, I see.
What I really could use now is a grade-A footrub.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?
Still ignoring fashion, eh?  Good for you.
I got a feeling someone needs a big, sloppy kiss.
So, who's the father?
Why don't you just give me that map like a good girl?
Better give me that map.  Treasure huntin's men's work.

Elaine, take me back.  I can't live without you.
Won't you at least give me a second chance?
I realize now what a fool I've been.
My life's been meaningless without you.
If I can't be with you, I don't want to live.
Life without you is an endless nightmare.
You were right.  I was a buffoon.  And a weenie.
Have pity on my poor, broken soul.
Can't you see how my heart has suffered?
Elaine, save me from this whirlpool of misery.
I'd jump out that window to prove my love.
May lightning strike me if I bear false intentions!
I'll win you back, if it's the last thing I do!
My soul is sick, Elaine, and love is the only cure.
If you won't take me back, just kill me now.

Please baby please baby please baby please baby please.
Maybe we should talk about this.
Don't you like my new beard?
Those other women meant nothing to me.
LeChuck's alive, and I need your help to fight him.
I'm not sure, but don't you owe me some money?
Come on.  Let me buy you a grog.
I stopped doing that knuckle-cracking thing.
I should warn you--I cancelled the boat insurance.
Do you have my red sweater?  I can't find it anywhere.
I like what you've done with your hair.
Is that a new blouse?
Real scorcher outside, eh?
Have you been forwarding all my mail?
That's some party downstairs...
You're the Governor of my heart, baby.

Fine.  Be that way.  There are other fish in the sea.

Oh really?
I guess that's supposed to make up for everything?
Nice try, but I think you're too late.
Decide to act civilized for a change, eh?
Oh, so now you're a good guy?
You should have thought of that sooner.
Do you really think you can get on my good side now?
So much for a pleasant attitude.
And here I thought you were becoming a decent guy.
Ooooh, it's going to be that way, is it?
There goes any hope for a pleasant conversation.
This is getting ugly.
I should have known you weren't sincere.
You're getting warmer...
Well, that's not the MOST stupid thing you've ever said.
That's a LITTLE better...
Hmmm...  keep going.
Close.  You're getting close.
Pathetic.
Do you really expect me to fall for that?
Oh, please.
Is that supposed to make me swoon?
Yeah, right.
Give me a break, will ya?
Uh-huh.  Sure.
What book did you steal that out of?
You've been watching too much daytime television.
Oh, gag me.
That may work on other women, but not me.
Really, I'm touched ...NOT!
That's sweet. Now scram.
What a line!
I can't believe it--you're even more of a weenie than before.
You're going to have to try a little harder than that.
I'm warning you--you're getting on my nerves.
OK, you're really pushing it now, buddy.
You're this close to getting a sock in the jaw.
One more crack like that and you'll be bouncing down those stairs.
You're on the verge of hospitalization, Guy.
I see you're charming as ever.
Now that wasn't very pleasant.
Maybe you'd better leave.
I can't believe I actually thought I missed you.
This is beneath even you, Guybrush.
You've got a lot of nerve, coming in here and saying that.
I oughtta just punch you out.
One thing's for sure--you haven't gotten any better at talking to women.
I hope that was a joke.
Same old Guybrush.
Can't you take a hint?
Sorry, Threep.  I don't play those games anymore.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, right.
You know, I do have work to do...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me a break.
Spare me.
Go tell it to your mamma.
Give it up, Brush.
Yeah, but even fish have standards.
Good riddance.
Finally!
Well, thanks for stopping by and ruining my day.
Don't bother my guests on the way out.
Wish I could say it's been nice.
You'll be back... ...unfortunately.
Get lost.
I was just about to say the same thing.
I was wondering when you'd catch a clue.
You're going? But I was just getting used to the smell.
She's gone. I guess I really made her mad this time.


Yawn
LeChuck, sir...
...I've got good news and I've got bad news.
The bad news is that Guybrush has found the last piece of the map.
Ah... The good news is that I've got a plan that can't fail.
Ah... You see... He must take the map to a cartographer to have it deciphered. I'll head him off before he gets there.
If your plan fails...
It will not, your voodoo lordship.




Ah... LeChuck's crate of voodoo supplies.
You know, we usually don't deliver out this far...
You guys bucking for a tip?
Well, we figured since...
Well you figured wrong. LeChuck don't tip nobody!
Gee...
...what a butt.

Ick. I hate snakes.
It's empty.
It's full of voodoo crap.
It's the crate I came here in.
I'm not hauling LeChuck's stuff anywhere. Especially the way he tips.
I'm not getting back in there!



Find the key yet?
Oh yeah, the key.
Wally!
Mr. Brush? Is that you?
I thought you'd never come back.
Well?
Are you alright?
How's it hangin'?
Have you lost weight?  You look good.
Just stopped by to say hi.  Well, see ya.
It was horrible!
They abducted me in my office... ...brought me here in a duffel bag... ...interrogated me...
Then they...
...they...
What? What?
They took away my monocle for awhile.
I see.
You think this is funny?
Yes I have.  Thanks for noticing.
What? You can't leave me in here!
The map, Wally!  What about the map?
I have something to confess about your monocle.
OK, stand back.  I'm going to bust down the door.
Could you please stop that annoying swinging?
I'm going to go get that key!
Oh, LeChuck's got it, but who cares?
Who cares?!?
Yeah, I memorized the whole thing before he took it. It's on an island called Dinky, not too far from here.
After you bust me out of here, we could steal a boat and go there!
Sorry.
I knew it! He always envied my intellectual look.
What, are you nuts? Go get the key.
He probably keeps it in his office down the hall.
Okeydokey.

It's too heavy.
It's some kind of strange skeleton statue.

He looks like he's in good health. I'm sure he'll be able to tell me where the island is.
Poor Wally.
It's Wally!!!
It's locked up tight. I'd surely need a key.
Pretty big.
Yikes!
Hey Guybrush! I'm over here!
Yo Ho!  I'm in the jail Guybrush
Hey Guybrush!  It's me, Wally! The cartographer!
Thank God you've come to rescue me!
I think I should save this for later. Maybe I can impress Elaine with how far I can spit.
I think I should save this for later. I'd like to show Elaine how far I can loogie.
I don't like to mix my drinks like that.
I already have a drink like this.
I'll just put them together.

It's a little bitty door.
There is no way, not even in an adventure game that I'd be able to get all those locks open.
That is one huge door.
I can't find the little doggie door.
It's already closed.


Guybrush Threepwood...
You have finally been caught.
I have searched every island...
Sailed every sea...
And now you are mine.
What do you have to say for yourself?
It would've been easier if you'd left directions.
Gee, nice going.
Stop spitting in my face!
If I could just reach my pirate utility belt...
(gulp)
Largo!
Yes sir, LeChuck, sir?
Take Guybrush down to the torture chamber and get the machine set up.
Yes sir.




It's burning through the rope at an alarming rate...
Much more of this and he'll be my height.
I can't really pull that out right now...
I can't do that from my current position.
I can't reach him from here.
I can't reach the @ from here.
I can't do that from my present position.

Arggg... You be in a heap of trouble Guybrush Threepwood. Now that you are mine, you will pay for what you did to me.
Hey... What's a little root beer between friends...
Silence! There is only one thing more painful... ...than being resurrected from the dead and... ...crammed into a rotting body.
Do you know what that is?
Hmmm...
It is what is about to happen to you!
Can't we talk this thing out?
You see the candle over there?
When it burns through that rope...
...the bag will fall on the bellows.
When it is compressed, it will shoot a single lead bullet...
...which will ricochet off that pan...
...then off the shield behind me...
bounce off that other shield...
...finally striking the green balloon.
When it pops, it will cause that lever to fall...
...releasing that ratchet on the chain wheel...
...and sending you down into the pit of acid.
Geee...I...
Do you know what happens next?
Ummmm...well...
I will then take your bones... ...still alive and in great pain... ...and make them into a chair. I will call it my screaming chair.
Every morning I will sit in it and listen to you scream.
Any questions?
Yeah.  Can I go to the bathroom?
Ha ha ha! This will be even more torturous than I had hoped!
Any other questions?
What does the candle do?
What happens when the bag falls on the bellows?
How's the lead bullet going to get to the balloon?
The candle burns the rope, releasing the bag of sand.
The bellows will shoot a lead bullet into that pan.
It will ricochet off a bunch of stuff.

Where do babies come from?
In your case, the orphanage.
Isn't it dangerous to leave a pit of acid uncovered?
Safety is not my concern in this situation.
Gee, I had a million questions a second ago...
Think fast, your time is almost up.
Who won the world series in '56?
Chicago.
Have you ever tried conditioner on that beard?
No.
Where's the bathroom?
Up the stairs and to the left, but you won't need it in a few minutes.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a...
5 cords.
If this is 4 and this is 2, what's this?
One.
What is the secret of Monkey Island?
All will be revealed in a few moments.
Why do adventure games cost so much?
Scanned vga art is very expensive.
Why didn't you just shoot me when I came in?
Because we had an extra disk.
I am growing tired of your stupid questions.
Prepare to die.
He didn't say what he was going to do to me?
An ottoman comes to mind.
Well? Can I open my eyes now?
Just a second!
Hey! Where are the lights?
Shhhh!
Arggggg! What be going on in here? LARGO! Relight the candle!
GUYBRUSH HAS ESCAPED! Find them!
If I spit that way, I might hit myself...
Hey! Watch it with the spit!
My mouth is all dried-up.
Hey! Watch it with the spit!

So, Wally...
Yeah?
Ah, nothing.
I love you, man.
Could you please scratch my nose?
Any bright ideas?
I've got a bad feeling about this...
Let's keep our heads, shall we?
Yeah, right after you kiss my butt.
Well... ...I have one, but it's kind of embarrassing...
Wally!  This is a matter of life and death!
Oh... OK, I'll do it. But you have to close your eyes.
What?!
Close your eyes, unless you want to become undead furniture.
Well... ...actually, I was hoping you'd think of something.
Oh.
Bad feeling!?! LeChuck's got you hanging in chains over a pit of acid and all you've got is a bad feeling?!?
Gosh.  I feel even worse when you yell at me.
Just leave me alone.


I can't tell what this stuff is.
It's too heavy to pick up.
These are crates, but I don't know what's in them.
I can't find the lid in the dark.

Ha! I'll bet LeChuck is really cheesed-off now!
Yeah. He should have let me go to the bathroom when I asked!
Yep.
Hey, Wally?
Yeah?
Where are we?
Good question.

I can't see anything in here.
It's too dark to see what I'm doing.
Boy... This stuff makes my spit thick.
Well, take it outside, then. No spittin' in here.
Yuck.
It's an acquired taste.

Holy Skunk Sweat!!!
Ouch!



Horse hockey.
You honestly expect me to believe you were disintegrated in acid.
Sure, well I--
And yet here you are telling me all about it, looking very integrated indeed.
Yes, well, that is... ...ah... ...OK, so I embellished it a little for dramatic effect. Sue me.
You want to try telling me what REALLY happened?
OK.
As I was saying, we were hanging over the pit of acid. Death was so close I could smell his hairy armpits...




I could probably get the rope off with my hands.
I don't think it will catch on there.
It's empty, and there's a cap on it.
I'd better be careful with this.
It's not a twist-off.
It's about as open as it's going to get.
It's got a cap on it.
The cap fell off when I broke it. Maybe I could use that martini glass on the beach.
The cap fell off when I broke it.
It's dry.
It's full of fresh, clear water.
It's full of seawater.
There's no more cracker mix.
This water is too salty to use with low-sodium cracker mix.
Looks strong.
I could probably get the rope off with my hands.
I don't think it will catch on there.
The writing on it says `ages 3 and up.`
I think a shovel should be sufficient for this soft ground.
I wouldn't be able to light it again, I'm out of matches.
I don't want to blow that up.
That's not such a great idea.
I don't think it will do much good unless I light it first.
It's a disgusting bog.
It looks a bit thick for swimming.
Yech, I don't want any of THIS revolting sludge.
I slashed it up pretty well.
There's something lumpy in it.
It's empty already.
It's empty.
It used to be full of instant low-sodium cracker mix, but now it's empty.
It's instant low-sodium cracker mix, just add water.
I think that's a bit too much water.
OK, it's open.
OK, it's closed.
It doesn't seem interested.
It's a low-sodium cracker.
It's tied shut with rope.
I did that already.
Hey, dynamite, just like it says on the side!
It's nailed shut.
I did that already.
It's tied shut with rope.
It's nailed shut.
It's full of dynamite.
It's empty.
I think that might be a dangerous way to open it, after all it DOES say `TNT` on the side.
It's already open.

Remember kids: if you're under 18, ask your parent's before calling.
LucasFilm Games Hint Line. Chester speaking.
I'm lost in the Dinky Island jungle in Monkey II.
When is SWOTL going to ship?
Who thought up that dumb stump joke?
Where do babies come from?
Why do adventure games cost so much?
What IS the secret of Monkey Island?
How much money have I spent talking to you?
Thank you, you've been very helpful.  Good-bye.
Look, there are only two ways out of the room you're in. Figure it out, knucklehead.
I told you, just walk off the edge of the screen. How hard could that be?
It's been out for some time now. Where have you been, playing some frustrating graphic adventure?
I'm tired of hearing about that damn stump. Do you have any idea how many calls I get a DAY about that? Don't ask me about it again.
Yeah, sure.
What are you, a pervert? What's wrong with you?
Hey, I just work here.
I'm fed up with stupid questions like that. It's a surprise, OK?
Seventy-five cents a minute. You can ask your computer to work out the math for you.

Head north from the dinosaur to the pile of rocks.
Head due east from the rocks to the X.
Pretty Polly.
I'll just take this rope off of it...



I might not be able to get out!
There's a layer of cement at the bottom.
It looks like there's some sort of cavern down there.
That's the second biggest X I've ever seen.
It's a good shovel, but I can't dig through cement with it.
Oh, you meant THIS treasure.
Why didn't you say so?
You could have come by the shortcut, like I do.


Great Scott!
That came from the direction of Dinky Island!
That idiot must be messing with my grandfather's treasure!
I'd better get over there.


That must be the treasure of Big Whoop!
I might knock it off.
Looks as shaky as the one I'm standing on.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Shaky.
They look sturdy, apart from being all bent up.
I can't get up there.

...and you showed up about three days later. Will you help me now?
Anything to shut you up. That has to have been the longest story I've ever heard.
Oh, dear.



Boo!
Eek!
Hello, Guybrush.
Hello, LeChuck.
Goodbye, LeChuck.
Would you mind not spitting so much when you talk?
You won't escape me this time!
Yeah?  Just watch me!
I escaped from you before, I can easily do it again.
Oh?  Why do you say that?
You're right, I give up.
Not so fast!
That's just as well.
Even if you were to escape, I would always be able to find you again. We are bound to one another.
Like soup and salad?
Like life and limb?
Like dreadlocks?
Not really. More like...
How appropriate. But I meant more like...
Yes, rather like that. Or like...
...brothers!
Eh?
I-- --am your brother!
No! No, that's not true! That's impossible!
Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!
Noooooooo!!!!
...and I've brought a little surprise for you!
I think you being my brother is enough of a surprise     for one day.
Really?  A treat?
Am I going to enjoy this?
I don't suppose it's a Nintendo game...
Perhaps, but humor me.
A treat for ME, a surprise for YOU.
No, but I will.
No...
A dolly?  The surprise is a dolly?
What's with the big, sharp, deadly looking pin?
Is this going to be anything like `pin the tail     on the donkey?`
Say, that wouldn't happen to be a voodoo doll, would it?
The surprise is a VOODOO dolly...
It's an accessory for this voodoo doll...
Something like that. This is a voodoo doll...
Why yes, as a matter of fact it IS a voodoo doll...
...which I'll be using to torture you...
...and then send you screaming to another dimension, one of infinite pain!
Observe...
I'll do anything, just please don't do that again!
Are you quite finished?
Mama!
OK, how about this:
No, I want to do this:
Heh heh heh.
That was exhilarating! Let's have some more fun, shall we?
OK, time to send you screaming to a dimension of infinite pain!
At last, I'm rid of that pesky little wimp Guybrush!
WHUMP!
Hey, I'm alive!
Eh?
Whoops...
Strange... There must be something wrong with my voodoo doll.
It was supposed to send you to another dimension, not the next room.
Shoddy materials, I'll bet.
Well, I guess I'll just try it again.

`Service elevator` `1000 pound limit`
It says `E` on it.
Boy, what a gyp!
What do I want with a bunch of bits of broken treasure chest?
I've been in the dark enough for one day.
It says `Elevator this way.`
It says `First aid this way.`
Looks like the elevator is on this floor.
I can't get up there.
I should push the little button.
Nice echo.


What a cheap looking costume.
I can't reach that high.
It's missing the head.
It's a little lever.
A veritable fortune.
Wheee!
It brings back painful memories.
It's out of order.
That won't do much.
It looks like it's been here a long time.
It's already filled.
It's too heavy for me to lift.
It's probably full of tools and useful stuff.
It's stuck.
It's already closed.
It's probably got all kinds of money and valuables in it.
It's empty.
There's nothing to pick up.
It's already open.
It's jammed.
I bet it has all sorts of powerful voodoo supplies inside.
It's stuck.
It's already closed.
It's most likely full of technological wonders.
It's stuck.
It's already closed.
It's probably empty.
It's stuck.
It's already closed.
Must be a pretty small railroad.
I think it's more of those anchovies.
It's nailed shut.
I'd really rather not.

Wow, a '43 steelie!
Whoa, a wheat-back!
It's a buffalo head!
Alright, a double eagle!
Hey, a Susan B. Anthony!
Cool, a Chuck E. Cheese token!
What a find!

They're full of dolls.
What, all of them?
They're full of root beer.
What, all of them?
It's already open.
It's already closed.
Whatever for?
It's an attractive green color.
It's empty.
It's a box of balloons.
It's empty.
I don't want to carry a whole box.
They're little generic voodoo Kewpie dolls.
It's full of dolls.
I'll just take one.
I don't want any more voodoo dolls.
I don't want to carry around a whole box of dolls.
I wouldn't want to open them ALL.
There's loads of root beer in here.
It's full of root beer.
One bottle of root beer should be sufficient.
I don't want a whole box.
It's positively PULSING with voodoo energy!
It's just a cheap little doll with no voodoo powers at all.
I love root beer.
I'd get everything all sticky.
It's an attractive green color.





Alas, poor Dad.
That wouldn't be polite.
Hi, dad.
It's my dad.
Hi, dad.
That wouldn't be polite.
Hmm... This looks loose.
I've disturbed them enough.
Yikes!
I don't like loud noises.
That wouldn't do much.
That wouldn't do anything.
I'd better not.
There's a syringe in here.
It's empty.
It's just an ordinary drawer.
It's already open.
There's a syringe in here.
It's already closed.
Where am I going to put a drawer?
It's a pair of surgical gloves.
It's a surgical glove.
This is no time to be playing doctor.
It's already open.
There's stuff in it.
It's already closed.
There's stuff in here.
It's empty.
Nice trash can.
It's empty.
I don't want a trash can.
Boy, does that look comfy!
This is no time for playing doctor.
It's my mom.
Hi, mom.
That wouldn't be polite.
Dad looks a bit looser...
I've disturbed them enough.
It has that austere but functional look.
I'd love to, but I'm kind of pressed for time.
Holy cow, these are my PARENTS!!
It's a pair of surgical gloves.








It's definitely part of LeChuck's beard.
`900 pounds`
It looks very big and heavy.
I think it's a bit heavy for me.
It's nailed shut.
It's already open.
It's already closed.
The door's closed.

Ow!
Ouch!
Hey!
OW!!
Ow!
Ouch!
Hey!
OW!!


I'd better not.
`Employees Only`
The warning tape says closed for construction.
That would be unlawful.
The street is closed off.
Ooooh!  A circus. I love a circus!
This is hauntingly familiar...


Oh, oh, oh, oh. Stayin' alive.  Stayin' alive.
That's the way. Ah huh, ah huh I like it.
We represent The Lollipop Guild.
I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock and roll.
Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?


Aha! Caught you!
Now you're gonna get it!
Hey, Guybrush! It's voodoo time!

Take this, BROTHER.
Hey, nothing's happening!
Root beer only works on ghosts, Guybrush. Having been resurrected, I'm not a ghost anymore. Allow me to demonstrate.

Here, try this.
Now, isn't that better?

It's positively PULSING with voodoo energy!
It's just a cheap little doll with no voodoo powers at all.
OK, `brother`, watch out, 'cause I've got my OWN doll, now!
Now all I need are a few voodoo ingredients.
Well, that's one ingredient and the doll.
Well, that's one ingredient.
Now all I need is a doll.
That's & ingredients.

I don't think LeChuck's close enough for it to do anything.
That's pretty good, Guybrush... ...but not good enough to stop ME!

Eh?
Oh, it's you.
What, THAT again? Ooh, look at me quakin' in me booties. I laugh at you and your puny voodoo tinkerings. Hah!
Take THIS, LeChuck!
Take THAT, LeChuck!
You know, this doll reminds me of the Stretchy Strongman I had as a kid.
I wonder what would happen if I tore the leg off this thing?
Come on!
You don't scare me!
You think you're so big?
Stab the doll again!
It doesn't hurt!
I can take it!
I'm not afraid of your doll!
What are you gonna do now?
I'm gonna kick your butt, what do you think about that?
I'm much too powerful for you and your puny doll!
You'll have to do better than that!
Is that the best you can do?
You always were a wimp.
Ha!

...argh...
Guybrush...
--ghack--
What?
Come over here.
No way, I'm not that stupid.
But I want you to-- --gag-- --take my mask off... ...choke... ...see the TRUE face of your brother...
Forget it, I'm not coming over there.
No chance, you'll just rip out my lungs when I get close.
Leg or no leg, I trust you about as far as I can throw Manhattan.
Oh, all right, I'm coming over.
But you've got to see-- --hack-- --my TRUE face!
--gurgle-- No, no, I promise! Please, come take off the-- --argh-- --the mask!
I tell you I'm-- --ack-- --dying here! Take the mask off!
Gently now, remove my-- --hack-- --mask.
My god, you're... ...my creepy brother Chuckie.
What, did you think I was kidding before?
Why have you been chasing me all over the place?
When our mother told you to hunt me down, did she  actually mention KILLING me, or was that your idea?
How come you hate me as much as you obviously do?
Do you really think a truck is more important than your own BROTHER?
Our mother told me to hunt you down.
Get outta town!
Well, you remember the time you broke my Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault Vehicle?
No.
It wasn't a truck, it was a Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault Vehicle.
Look, Guybrush, could you help me out? Stick the leg back on the doll, OK?
Will you promise to stop picking on me?
Will you promise not to hold me down and spit on me anymore?
Will you promise to stop locking me in your footlocker?
All right, all right, I promise! Anything, just put my leg back on!
Hey, you kids! You're not supposed to be in here!

Ah, so there you are!
What's going on?
Who are you people?
What IS this place?
We're scolding you for running off. Your mother and I were very concerned.
Just the same old family you've always had.
Well, it's not the Screaming Weenie Hut where we told you to meet us. Your mother and I were very concerned.
Thank you for hunting down your brother like we asked, Chuckie dear.
You boys didn't get in any trouble, now, did you?
No, sir.
Chuckie tried to kill me!
I stole a bunch of stuff and caused two huge explosions.
Good.
I wish you wouldn't run off like that, young man. We were worried sick.
You don't know what kinds of murderers and white slavers might be hanging around a place like this.
Yes, mom.
OK, mom.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate.  I don't have to worry about stuff like that.
This is weird.  What's going on here?
Of course, dear. But please be careful.
Well, come on then, let's go ride the Madly Rotating Buccaneer.
Yeah!

You Win!
You scored 800 out of 800 points.
 
 
MONKEY ISLAND 2: LECHUCK'S REVENGE

featuring walt as himself
 
 
Additional Art
Collette Michaud
Avril Harrison
Aaron Muzalski
Gary Winnick
 
Lettering Artist
Christine Benson Miller
 
Proofraeding
Andrea Siegel
Jo Ashburn
 
Fun and Excitement Supervisor
Alexa Eurich
 
Gum Chewing
Michele Harrell
 
Lucasfilm Games General Manager
Doug Glen
 
Lucasfilm Games Director of Development
Kelly Flock
 
Lucasfilm Games Associate Director of Development
Lucy Bradshaw
 
Product Marketing Manager
Robin Parker
 
Public Relations
Sue Seserman
 
Yoyos
Tom Kuhn Custom Yoyos, Ltd.
 
Lucasfilm Games Director of Sales
Cynthia Wuthmann
 
Product Support
Khris Brown
Gwen Newton Musengwa
Erin A. Collier
Livia Mackin
 
International Coordinator
Lisa Star
 
I wonder what I'm doing standing next to this hole?
I wonder what's keeping Guybrush?
I hope LeChuck hasn't cast some horrible SPELL over him or anything.

Goofy Pun Consultant
Noah Falstein
 
Environmental Specialist
Paul Thermidor
 
administrative support
anne marie barrett
wendy bertram
meredith cahill
alexa eurich
claudia hardin
michele harrell
brenna krupa holden
marcia keasler
debbie ratto
lisa star
kim thomas
james wood
dawn yamada
sparky the wonder yak

 
Feelings Coordinator
Commander Buttonhead
 
Wrangling
Lucy Bradshaw
 
Inspiration and Admiration
Paul Hill
 
`Works like crazy!` --Hal Barwood
`So, what's for dinner?` --Jenny Sward
 
 
Sam and Max appear courtesy of Steve Purcell
Seagull appears courtesy of LOOM
Introducing Khris Brown as Chester
 
 
MONKEY ISLAND 2: LECHUCK'S REVENGE
 
 
A Lucasfilm Games Production
 
 
All Rights Reserved.
 
 
OK, that's it, turn off your computer and do something constructive.
Like play a little racquetball.
Or wash your car.
Or cook dinner.
Or join a funk band.
Or travel to a foreign country.
Or run for president.
Or talk to a member of the opposite sex.
Or lube your car.
Or host a weenie roast.
Or dig for buried treasure.
Or milk a cow.
Or have a yelling contest with your neighbor's dog.
Or perform brain surgery.
Or paint a yellow line in the center of your driveway.
Or write your name in the snow.
Or teach basket weaving to clams.
Or sing Welsh folk songs at the bank.
Or plant trees on public property.
Or confuse the person next to you.
Or make a triangular table.
Or hop, skip, and jump.
Or ride a train.
Or organize your sock drawer alphabetically.
Or go bowling with your mom.
Or train potato bugs to do tricks.
Or make a quilt.
Or publish a magazine about pencil shavings.
Or eat lime jello with pineapple in it.
Or pave a freeway.
Or learn to draw.
Or take up photography.
Or learn to tell time.
Or photocopy money.
Or go out for pasta.
Or sew a dress.
Or bathe your iguana.
Or go fishing.
Or paint a stranger's house in the middle of the night.
Or take up windsurfing.
Or change your hair style.
Or sharpen your whiteboard markers.
Or feed a toucan.
Or enjoy the sun.
Or do a crossword puzzle.
Or buy some cool clothes.
Or go to the beach.
Or play croquet with your dad.
Or water your plants.
Or build a doll house.
Or invite some friends over for salmon and white wine.
Not!


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