DEFINITION: Computer -- A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
<------ The information went data way ------>
Buy a Pentium II, 233 so you can reboot faster.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
11th commandment: Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
All computers wait at the same speed.
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
SQWERTY: Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
--As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
--SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
--Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
--COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
C:\DOS>C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
--BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
--Access denied --- nah nah na na nah naahh!
-- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
-- Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
--...File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
--Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
--Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
--E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
--Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
--Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
--Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
--Hit any user to continue.
--Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
--Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
--Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
--Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
--(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
--(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
C:\WINDOWS>C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
BATCH: A group, kinda like a herd.
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
--Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
--SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
--Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
--Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue...
Programmer: A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Computer modelers simulate it first.
Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
Computer hackers do it all night long.
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
Sped up my PC; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_|"
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
14,400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
Help! I'm modeming...and I can't hang up!!!
--Cannot find REALITY.SYS -- Universe halted. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
BUFFERS=20
FILES=15
2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
--CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS