EYES SO BLUE
Perfect little fingers,
such tiny little toes,
cherub face,
with eyes so blue.
How could they have made me
part with you?
Barely a child myself you see
How could I have known you needed me?
Unable to comprehend the miracle in my arms
They said I couldn't provide
or shelter you from harm.
Everyone told me this was right
They called me selfish
for trying to fight.
They told me this was what I should do
so looking in those eyes so blue,
I told you what was in my heart,
How you deserved a worthy start.
It was almost as if somehow you knew
what it was I was about to do.
They told me that
you were going
to a good mom and dad
that I should be happy and not so sad.
They told me what a treasured gift you'd be
going to parents so unlike me.
Holding you close upon my breast,
I tried to convince myself this was best.
Unable to find the right words to say
"I love you so much,
that I'm walking away".
Wiping away the tears,
that streamed down my face,
Praying they would put you in a much better place.
Hoping you would have the best that could be
My heart forever breaking,
because you wouldn't be with me.
Our tears mingled
as they fell silently on your cheek.
I hated myself for being so weak.
Why didn't I put up more of a fight
trying to do by you, what was right?
Why did I listen to everything they said?
Why didn't I do what my heart said instead?
They told me that it was best,
that I should never try to find.
That I could forget,
and put you out of my mind.
All that they said has proved so untrue!
Not a day has passed
without thinking of you!
So many nights waking in tears
so many questions, so many fears.
Starting to see how they had lied to me so
it was wrong of me to let you go.
Wrong of me to think I couldn't be your mother
or that you would be better off with another.
Now searching so desperately
trying to find you
where have they hidden you
eyes so blue?
Staring at faces I pass in the street
hoping in my heart our paths will meet.
Do you ever wonder who I might be?
Or hope one day my face to see?
Have they even explained why I let you go?
Or told you how my heart broke so?
Now a grown man
eyes so blue,
What have you become?
and what do you do?
Do you have children,
or have you taken a wife?
Have you been given the best in this life?
Perfect little fingers
now callused and strong
Please don't hate me
for a decision so wrong.
Please try to understand why it was so
It broke my heart to let you go!!
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MEMORIES AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
I sit staring at the perfect little fingers
and the tiny little toes
of my new Granddaughter.
My mind drifting back to a time
when I was little more than a child myself.
A small softly blanketed bundle lay in my arms.
Ever so gently I stroked little fingers and toes,
trying to soak up the sweet baby perfume,
that filled the room.
Silently I looked deep into your eyes,
trying to see into your soul,
in an attempt to imagine you years from now.
Who you are my son?
and who you will you become
once you are placed in the hands of another?
Softly,
I traced the contours of the dimple in your chin
as you cried,
knowing that my hands would soon be unable to
hold you,
or comfort you,
or dry your tears.
Realizing I would not be afforded even a single picture
I caressed you with my eyes
hoping to engrave this moment upon my heart
so they couldn't rob me of my memories
as they had robbed me of you.
Never realizing how futile my efforts would be.
Where are you now my son?
What have you become?
Over the years what dreams and convictions
have those hands clung to?
What battles have they fought all alone?
What paths have your feet walked in life
and where have they led you?
Will I ever know whether my decisions
caused you to face dead ends
or allowed you to explore the world?
Will I ever know
if your chin still dimples when you cry,
or if my choices have made it
so that you don't allow yourself to cry at all.
Will I ever know what your eyes see
when they look in the mirror
or gaze upon the face of humanity?
Another mother's arms surround you now
mine hold only the distant memories
of what might have been.
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