Ministering to the Minister

In sixth grade, Terri Wojun stereotyped pastor's kids (PKs) as either
"goody-two-shoes" or "rotten brats."  Up until the time she made this
proclamation, I didn't think that having a parent in the clergy was
any different than having a parent in another profession.  Dad and mom
had four boys, several dogs, and seven churches, but my Air Force
uncle moved his family around more often than we did.  So why the
distinction of being a PK?
 
A pastor's family lives under the scrutiny of others who expect a
higher level of moral constancy out of them than they often do for
themselves or others. This results in burdensome social pressures on
the entire family, but especially on the PKs.  During our formative
years, my brothers and I were not known for our angelic presence at
local and district events. My parents lamented more than once the
choices their sons were making.  And a lot of our choices had to do
with who we were and who our dad was.
 
Maybe you can begin to see the dynamic pressures that are brought to
bear on these families when you consider the demands on a pastor and
the visibility of the PKs.  Your pastor is with you when your family
is going through a desparate situation; at the hospital to be with
your new baby or dying relative; at the nursing home visiting lonely
people; performing a wedding for your children; officiating at the
funeral of your loved one.  Very rarely are these events convenient
for the pastor's family, but your pastor is there when your family is
in crisis or need.
 
Also, like it or not, the pastor's family shares in his calling. On
one occasion, my brother John took a call from a woman who was
comtemplating suicide.  No one was home so he fielded the call.  That
is a lot of pressure on a teenager and not many laymen's homes get
such calls (except maybe from a mother of four PK boys!).
 
Because a pastor is responsible to care for many families, sometimes
his (or her) own family can get neglected.  When these pressures and
demands accumulate, PKs may rebel, hampering your pastor's ability to
minister to the congregation. Here are just a few ways you can help
your pastor and his family succeed:

Look for opportunities to share your pastor's load so that he can give more attention to his own family.  You don't have to be a pastor to be a minister.

Consider "pastoring" your PK.  Sometimes, PKs need a pastor to talk to instead of a parent who happens to be a pastor.

Be especially careful to use positive terms when referring to a PK.  A child will often live up to (or down to) what others say about him or her.

We can make a tremendous difference in our churches by ministering
to the family that ministers to us.