Welcome to the first class in a series on marriage and parenting.
We need to rely upon the wisdom of God to guide us in our marriages and in the parenting of our children. Good parenting begins in the context of a biblical marriage. Throughout this class, we'll examine the principles and behaviors that contribute to developing a healthy marriage and a healthy family.
When you get married, you are a family of two people. However, there are families that are not comprised of husband/father and wife/mother and possibly children. There are also widowed parents, divorced parents, single parents, perhaps even orphaned children who make a family unit.
God's grace extends to all types of families who look to Him as their Provider and Lord. And families in less than optimal situations can do well for themselves; sometimes better than some dysfunctional families with a dad, mom and children,
However, God did start out with a best design for a family.
Read Genesis 2:20b-24
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God
caused the man to fall into a deep sleep: and while he was sleeping, He
took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then
the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and
He brought her to the man.
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Family begins in one flesh, or marital unity. The primary building blocks of the family are the procreators: man and woman, husband and wife, father and mother; complementary agents operating in unison to perpetuate humanity.
But progenesis is not all there is to creating a family. God created
children dependent upon us. All of these things have spiritual application
which we will discuss in the weeks to come. For now, we can boil
down the reason God created people was to have a relationship with us.
Therefore, the meaning of life is found in relationship...
...to God.
...to society (interaction as part of a community, including
family).
...to individuals (interaction with other individuals).
Genesis 1:26-27
Then God said, Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;
... and God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created
him; male and female He created them.
God made man and woman (both and each) to reflect the image of God.
Now, we know that man and woman are distinctly different human beings.
Why do you suppose that God created separate sexes?
There are qualities, complementary qualities that each gender possesses that demonstrate the relationship that God wants to have with his creation. While Paul writes that it is okay for some people to remain single (1 Corinthians 7; for reasons not pertinent to this discussion), the biblical marital union demonstrates the relationship God wants to have with us.
Last week, I testified that Jesus is my lover. Let me try to explain a little about this and I'll explain more in coming weeks. The Bible shows Jesus as husband to his bride, the Church. In the Old Testament, God is likened to a husband in Hosea with Israel as His wife, the Chosen Ones. If God is our husband and we (the Church) are His bride, then it is God who models for me how to be a husband to my wife, and my wife models for me how to be a wife to God. In other words, we are interdependent: ONE FLESH.
For a long time, people thought of me as a chauvinist (some still may). I believe that they never really understood how one can reconcile the verse about being the "...head of the home..." and the verse about "...submit to one another..." We'll talk about the biblical roles of husband and wife in this class and how the One Flesh marriage shows how both of these verses can coexist and set the stage for a wonderful relationship. If you have your doubts, I ask you to withhold judgment until after we have studied the texts. But let's continue with 1 Corinthians 11:11:
"However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman."
Procreation is part of the design for marriage. For some reason, most civilizations feel that a commitment between a man and a woman (a marriage) is the best and most useful way to perpetuate a society. Why?
In today's technologically advanced society, people do not even need to be present to join sperm and egg in conception. Marriage is not necessary to spawn children. In fact, consensual sex is not necessary. Extra-marital and pre-marital sex, rape, incest, though they can produce offspring, have long been considered taboo in many cultures and detrimental to its societies.
Why has society valued the committed marital relationship for so long as the best means to perpetuate itself?
The human being, left to his own devices, is not basically good. There are millions of examples of people who were not cared for by their parents, not given the guidance and values of the society in which they lived; or perhaps they were given everything they wanted, whether or not it was good for them. Such children, when grown up, are not productive, useful, or contributing members of society. Why? Because we see that the selfishness of the unguided individual is destructive.
With unity there is agreement. Agreement creates harmony and fosters
relationship - and brings meaning to life!
What are some of things that threaten unity?
* The 50-50 marriage; "You do your part, I'll do mine."
* Rewards-based marriage; affection is given when you feel it has been
deserved.
* An inability to meet unreal expectations. Reality doesn't seem
to measure up to fantasy.
* Focusing on the perceived weaknesses of your spouse.
* As we reflect disappointment in our spouse, our mate becomes discouraged,
fearful, feeling rejected, which almost always results in lower performance!
* Failure to work through inevitable difficulties. We will discuss
ways you can have a plan to move through these periods without rejecting
or withdrawing from your mate. We'll talk about fighting fair and
attacking a problem instead of each other.
* Societal programming (soap operas, TV Sitcoms, political figures
and action groups)
* Extra-marital affairs (love affair, career affair, materialism affair,
activities affair, apathy affair)
* SELFISHNESS this is the root of everything we've talked about so
far that threatens unity.
We are deceived into believing that we deserve complete fulfillment and perfect happiness. Where do we get such ideas?
Society programs people.
People have an improper perception of reality.
People compare their expectations and fantasies with real life.
People begin to question reality (and not their fantasies)
People escape to extramarital "affairs"
People ultimately end up in isolation.
(If time allows, read the story of The Fall paying close attention to the progression to the fall.)
In our marriages, we have at times shut out our spouse, and isolated ourselves. We have weakened our unity, created division. This is a sin we have each committed at one time or another. But God is in the forgiveness business and demonstrates for us how we should also forgive our spouse and ourselves. It is the first step back to unity.