In our marriages, we have at times shut out our spouse, and isolated
ourselves. We have weakened our unity, created division. This
is a sin we have each committed at one time or another. But God is
in the forgiveness business and demonstrates for us how we should also
forgive our spouse and ourselves. It is the first step back to unity.
[Prayer]
The prime directive in the egalitarian marriage is how to maintain the
highest level of individual rights for both partners. It attempts to cut
the cake exactly down the middle.
Differences in male and female sexuality are downplayed and are seen
as incidental except for the obvious biological functions.
For all its individual rights, it fails to address individuality, because fair is seen as 50-50.
Ephesians 5:31-32 'For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.' This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
| Masculinity | Femininity |
| God | Israel |
| Jesus as head and husband | Church as bride |
| Authority | Submission |
| Male | Female |
| Husband | Wife |
| Physically Penetrativecreativity is active (sperm) | Physically Receptivecreativity is passive (egg) |
John 15:7-8 If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you shall ask what you will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified: That you bear much fruit; so shall you be my disciples.
Now, as with all good things, you can place too much of an emphasis on a particular aspect, abuse it, or misuse it. If there is a tremendous emphasis on the experiential, (for example, a marriage based on sexual encounters and performance cannot last), the relationship will not fill you completely. There is a whole lot more to a relationship than the experiential (or sex).
Sex (both spiritual and physical) is a wonderful part of the relationship, and a healthy marriage relationship participates "regularly." (Frequency is not the issue.) But there is also commitment, duty (yes, duty: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5), and responsibility when feelings and experiences are low. Love endures beyond feelings.
The union between two persons must go beyond sexual in the marriage. It even must go beyond the comfort of being together. Unity must also exist in unity of purpose, unity of child-rearing, and unity of decision-making.
How does "unity of decision-making" reconcile with being the home authority?
My dad has a saying that husband is the head of the home and wife is the neck that turns the head. Because I love Joy, one of the driving forces in the things I do as husband is to please my wife, Joy. There are things that she wants and as long as it falls within the realm and parameters of causing the family to flourish and to grow and maintaining our spiritual integrity - in other word we don’t sell our souls for trinkets and baubles - as long as it doesn’t violate those things, I want her to have everything her heart desires. Why? Because what makes her happy makes me happy. God loves us that much, too! except that He loves us more perfectly.
Reread John 15:7. If there is unity, ask what you will.
This is because unity with God means being in agreement with Him.
There aren't any selfish motivations in a
God-centered relationship.
Guys, guess what? The Bible says that you're the leader of the family. What kind of leader are you to be?
What leadership characteristics has God demonstrated for us in the Bible?
Scripture defines the headship as leadership rooted in sacrificial love not of domination.
Mark 10:42-45 "...You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them, Not so with you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Ephesians 5:25-26a Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her; that he might sanctify her...
1 Peter 5:2-3 Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers - not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be: not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.
When husbands study the archetypal marriage relationship of God to His Church and His people we begin to get convicted of how we ought to be as husbands because it highlights the contrast of how God loves us compared to how we love our wives. Generally speaking, we can be selfish beings. We are not the husbands we ought to be. We don’t love as Christ loved the church. And too often, we like to blame the wives for not submitting when we haven’t given them good reason to submit to us. And that’s tragic in Christian circles, especially, where the divorce rate is about the same as the world.
Authority is necessary for order.
God has authority over man. James 4:5
Man has authority over nature. Genesis 1:28
Husband has authority over wife. Ephesians 5:22
Parents have authority over children. Ephesians 6:1
Governors have authority over governed. 1 Peter 2:13-14
Employers have authority over employees. 1 Peter 2:18
Spiritual leaders have authority over the spiritually led. 1 Peter
5:2
But you may ask, "Why can't the wife be the authority? Isn't this a patriarchal plot to subject women to men?"
There may be some teeth to this question if the leadership qualities the Bible demands of its leaders were worldly instead of godly. People in authority are responsible for their charges. The duty of the Biblical leader is to serve; not to be served!
Biblical submission can be better understood in contrast to the world's
concept of submission:
| World | Scripture |
| Non-resistant
Unassertive Bowing Cowering Subservient Second-class Lower/inferior Sweet-talking No initiative No backbone |
Loyalty
Completing Allegiance Faithful Obliging Willing Flexible Adaptable Blending Consenting Agreeing Deferring |
The behavior of mutual submission can be found just a few verses earlier in Ephesians 4:32. Be ye kind, one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you.
As a loving husband gives himself to his wife, his wife is to be subject to her giving husband.
Jesus gave himself for the sinful world and did not wait for a purified church. Jesus submitted himself to the Father and was a servant to humanity. So we are to submit ourselves to the Father and be servants to our wives. This is the authority we should have in our homes. (Note: This does not mean that husbands become doormats! Jesus was no doormat!)
The authority and submission of the husband and wife are qualified by the demands of loving servanthood that right relationship in Christ places upon our marriages.
I discovered that God loves us to the point of first giving us the power to choose and second to give us whatever we want within His permissive will, even though it might be second best for us.
Some time ago, I went down to Georgia to look at a job that was mine if I wanted it. When I got there, I was very disappointed because I just couldn’t move my family 1100 miles for that job.
On the way home, I was asking God why he allowed me to travel 1100 miles, at personal expense, only to discover that the job was not His best. (I had built this job potential up in my mind and hoped for it to be God's best for me and my family.) I had a time when God clearly spoke to me. God said, "Mark, I’ll give you what you want, but it may not be my best. Now, is that what you want?"
And I had to say, "Lord, forgive my whining and please understand my frustrations, but please, Please, PLEASE give me nothing but Your best, no matter how long I have to wait."
God's voice made an impression upon me that He will allows us to have lesser things if we’re impatient enough, because it is not outside of the parameters of His will. It’s not sinful or anything like that. It may be outside of the best path, but God gives us leeway to make choices. We can grow a little, or we can grow a lot. And we can have a little of God’s grace, or we can have a lot of God’s grace. We can have a little of God’s blessing or a lot of God’s blessing.
Sometimes it takes a little longer to wait for a lot of God’s blessing only because God wants our relationship to grow and to be nurtured and because we exist to have a relationship with him. We choose to make it a better relationship.
There are times when we are smarter and we ask for what God has for us that is best for us. When I am smarter, I ask God to give me his best and I am willing to wait for it.