Mon May 11 08:57 EDT 1998 Weekend Update: Not! May 8-10 The weekend was not very uncommon. Charity, Tom, and Erin (nieces and nephew) dropped in for the day. We hosted a 40th birthday party for Linda Magnuson. We had a quiet Mother's Day. So instead of recounting these events as I normally do, I want to take the opportunity to describe a weekend that will never take place but might if we were different people than we are. ---- the following is not true ---- Andrew came home from school early last Friday with a two week suspension for starting a food fight in the cafeteria. The peanut butter and jelly-encrusted principal nabbed him as he crawled through the chaos attempting his escape. The Principal said, "These students are revolting because of you!" To which Andrew replied "Yeah? What's your excuse?" Joy was called to take Andrew into custody. "Mrs. Metcalfe, we called you hours ago; the school day will be over in a few minutes." "I know, but I had to hitchhike because Miranda and Jessica took off with the car." "The school is less than a mile away!" "You'd want me to WALK in these heels?" "{Sigh} Andrew is being suspended from school for two weeks." "Two weeks!" she complained. "What did I do? Why are you punishing me?" Mandy and Jessie stole the car, which they do often, making sure that they get back before we can file a missing persons report. Emily would have, but her feet don't reach the pedals yet. They went to the local Pierce-o-rama and each came home with a pair of studs. Jessica got hers in her lip and in her nose. Emily immediately began to chant, "Jessica Rose pierced her nose and ripped big holes in her panty hose." Mandy's studs were named Snake and Lester; leather-clad tattoo billboards with a combined IQ of maybe 45. Emily drew hopscotch pentagrams on the sidewalk and the large maple tree in front of the house died. We thanked her for dealing with the annual leaf problem we have. She responded by knocking the tree down and demolishing the van. Joy decided to redecorate the interior with a hammer and crowbar; she didn't know how to operate the chain saw... but Snake and Lester did. With every few strokes she'd yell, "stand still, will you!?" Me? After regaining consciousness from my hospital bed, they put me out on the curb because they found out my insurance company was a fraud. I had to stay on the curb until every last needle in my sachel was sold. The last thing I remembered was thanking Emily for dealing with the leaf problem as I was getting out of the van. Just another weekend in the life of the Anti-Metcalfes. ---- the preceding is not true ---- \\ \\ \\\\\\\ \\\\\\ \\\\ \\ \\\\ \\\\\\\ \\\\\\\ M\\ \\\ M\ \ \ M\ \ M\ \\ M\\\ M\ M\ \ M\ \ \|/ ____ \|/ a\\\\\\ a\ \ a\ \a \a \\ a\ a\ \ a\ \ @~/ ,. \~@ r\\\\\\ r\\\ r\ \r \r \\ r\ r\\\ r\\\ /_( \__/ )_\ k\ \ \\ k\ \ k\ \k \k\\\\ k\ \ k\ \ k\ \ ~ \__U_/ ~ \\ \\ \\ \ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \ \\ \\ \\\\\\\ \\\\ \\\\ \\ \\ \\\\\\\ \\\\ \\\\\\\ metcalfe@cadence.com Cadence Design Systems, Inc. Phone: (978) 446-6451 Mon May 11 09:54 EDT 1998 Restoring order... Okay, I probably should send something that sets things aright. Even in jest, the Anti-Metcalfe Update gives me the willies, as it did some of you. Tomorrow, Joy and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary. This Autumn, we'll be married longer than we were single. It sounds cliche to say that each year has gotten better and better, but it truly has. I tell her that I love her every day, several times a day, and it often seems to me too little. She also tells me. The Lord has given us a life together full of wonder and happiness; not devoid of struggles, mind you, but we have weathered our struggles together, and we find joy in that! The children are also wonderful and make us very proud of them. I remarked to Miranda yesterday that she will find college exciting and that this transition will be harder on us because it means setting five places at the table instead of six. The attitude towards change is better recently; less of a struggle. Attention is now focusing on getting the financial backing for the first year. Mother's Day was a bit difficult for Joy and some others we know who have lost their mothers recently. I heard that my Dad also marked his first time in 67 years by wearing a white carnation. I'm thankful we're the Metcalfes and not the Anti-Metcalfes, and that order is restored to the weekend update. Mark Mark Metcalfe, Cadence Design Systems, Inc. \ 270 Billerica Road, MS04 \ O, Chelmsford, Massachusetts, 01824 (_______\/ )_______/ Phone: (978) 446-6451 Fax: (978) 446-6351 -----------\--------------