Subject: Weekend Update: Joy's 40th Birthday Party
Date:    Mon 11/16/98  9:04am

For months after I got the idea over lunch one day, the thought of
throwing Joy a 40th birthday party gave me the chuckles.  People at
work warned me not to do such a thing!  Such a thing should happen
never!  But the idea was too rich, the opportunity too rare to pass
up.  It must have been what Garrison Keillor meant when he came to a
moment of decision to "be an obedient child or let loose with a rotten
tomato."  "I think I made the right decision," Keillor said, "because
the sound of that tomato hitting my sister square on the butt is a
sound that few people ever get to enjoy."

And the surprise party was a hit, square and true. My partner in
crime, Linda Magnuson, coordinated much of the particulars and helped
distract Joy on Saturday evening with a game of pinball up in the loft
of the barn while 25 guests filtered into the house through the front
door, completely unknown to a clueless Joy.  In fact, we waited a
while in the kitchen waiting for Joy to appear.  When we tired of
that, we all filed into the barn, still undetected by Joy (who thought
the kids, Andrew and Michael, were sneaking up on themLinda and her).
With a shout of "Surprise!" the party began.

Joy protested her well-wishers by saying that she was only 39 but no
one would believe her.  It is a well-known fact that many women have
their last official birthday at 39 and she may as well face the fact
that she's 40 now.  Three identical birthday cards declared that it
takes time to admit that you're 40, and three cards can't be wrong.
Her sisters, my parents, and her father also telephoned to wish her a
happy 40th brithday.  Joy thought she could prove her age and went
hunting for her driver's license, but it had mysteriously disappeared
from her wallet.

My sincere thanks to all who helped me pull off the practical joke of
the decade.  For those not in the know, Joy actually turned 39 last
Thursday.  But by the end of the evening on Saturday, she wasn't so
sure herself how old she really was.

I suppose you may wonder how I am able to be here to tell the story.
Joy opened her birthday presents, including Over the Hill and Oh No!
the Big Four-Oh! gifts, but I saved one gift for last.  It had no card
and was about the size of a pencil box.  Joy unwrapped it, looked
inside, and a moment, her face went from puzzlement to recognition to
great sobs of joy as she pulled a string of pearls out and fastened
them around her neck.

In that moment, any debts I had outstanding to her for the 40th
birthday party and beyond (and then some!) were wiped clear, because
these were not just any string of pearls.  You see, the day my
mother-in-law was laid in the casket, these pearls were to be set
around her neck before they came to Joy, but the string broke.  We had
taken the pearls to a jewelry store but they told us the pearls were
not authentic and stringing them would cost more time and money than
they were worth.  However, I knew that the sentimental value was
incalcuable and I secretly enlisted the help of a friend at work to
restring the beads; my friend makes costume jewelry.  Authentic or
not, they are a beautiful strand around a beautiful neck, and I knew
they would be the only thing that could have saved me from stealing a
year from my wife.

One last thing: Joy assures me that she was surprised completely by
the party.  I had been in agony for an entire week wondering if I blew
the surprise by copying her on an email message to my dad about the
party.  Apparently, I only thought I did, but that was enough to make
me think she knew all along and was playing me for the fool the whole
week.  But just in case she didn't know, I played along and kept the
secret plan in motion in an all-or-nothing bid for a coup de grace.
It was worth it and we had a blast!

Mark