Subject: Weekend Update: Hello Mudder; Hello Faddah! July 17-25
Date:    Mon 7/26/99  9:06am

I wrote this lengthy tome last night to save me on time to go through
the 200+ messages I received during my week at camp.

Last Saturday, before heading off to Camp, we stopped at a few yard
sales to pick up a few essentials, such as a big red bouncy-ball thing
(50 cents) that was intended to be sat on but I thought would go great
in the lake.  I also happened upon a magnifying glass and a marionette
doll, one of which came in handy during the week.  I had previously
plotted with Brian Bollinger for other essential items to help our
campers enjoy their week a little more (dessert cakes as rewards not
bribes, squirt guns, splooshy things, water balloons; that sort of
thing).  I felt as prepared as one can feel until Sunday when I got my
cabin list.

I have a personal philosophy of not having my son in my cabin and
normally extend that philosphy to kids in my own church. I figure that
if I have to be "Mean Mr. Metcalfe", it might carry over into my
church relationship.  Pastor Reilly approached me early and asked if I
would suspend my beliefs and take on three specific campers from our
church.  I agreed on condition that I conspire with the parents ahead
of time, which I did.  Our conspiracy helped me a lot to have the
parents prepare their children for a camping experience in my cabin.

I have to say that the counselor-to-kid ratio was very good this year;
I had nine children in my cabin last year. On Sunday, I got four (not
three) kids from my church which put me into a frenzy of recalculating
the dynamics of my cabin mates.  After talking to another counselor
who got his own kids, contrary to his own similar philosphy (and
express instructions not to have them in his cabin), I agreed to take
his campers into my cabin bringing my cabin count up to seven. I
stopped trying to figure out how things were going to work out.  As it
turned out, the other counselor (now having no kids) stayed in our
cabin and became an extra hand while trying to stay out of his son's
way. My cabin had the youngest campers (and maybe one of the oldest).
I can't figure out if Pastor Reilly has the utmost respect in my
abilities or if he has some reason to try and torment me.

Our camp encouraged campers to display "Awesome Attitudes" and
cleanliness of the cabin area with award banners that were given out
each morning.  We didn't have a broom but that didn't matter because I
never sought one out.  One morning, I looked up the hill to Cabin 11
and saw a group standing around.  I said I would recommend them for
the "Awesome Attitude" award if they came and swept my cabin.  To my
surprise and amusement, two campers from Cabin 11 did just that!

I also suggested to one camper (not in my cabin) that he make an angel
in the sand at the vollyball court.  To my surprise and amusement, he
plopped down into the dirt to wave his arms and legs!  So later on I
suggested he make an angel in the pine needles.  Yup!  He did that,
too.  Please don't ask me if I would have suggested your child to do
such things!

On the nights before chapel, the Eastern Nazarene group held a mock
radio show, playing very contemporary Christian Rock.  Many kids got
up front to clap and have fun.  On Sunday night, I thought it would be
nice to start a conga line around the inside of the tent.  The idea
caught on only too well because by Tuesday we were getting warnings
about crowd control since few people were left in their seats.

We lost half of a day's activities to rain on Monday where I occupied
a bunch of kids with a very old game of Rhythm.  That's the day Kyle
Bernier got four stitches in his arm playing out in the rain.
Fortunately, he wasn't one of my campers.  I did have one camper whose
stomach began to bother him and by midweek I noted that it occurred
with regularity at chapel times and bedtime.  Norman Vincent Peale and
I had a talk with him about the power of positive thinking.

The days were hot and muggy most of the time.  On one day, the girls'
cabins up at the sports field wanted to go to the waterfront early so
Roger Willwerth, the sports director, sent me down with is Motorola
super duper walkie talkie to see if it was okay with Pam, the life
guard.  Pamela was reluctant but I suggested that Roger could play
water games on the beach while the other (girls) cabins participated
in their normal swim time.  Roger suggested that I was thinking like a
sports director.  I wouldn't put it that way, but it worked out okay
nonetheless.

The squirt guns we brought were originally intended for the campers in
my cabin but one day I accidentally left them out instead of keeping
them under lock and key.  You see, kids rush to the cabin while
counselors lumber along, so my kids got to the cabin a couple of
minutes before me.  That was too much temptation for one of my campers
who thought it would be fun to make it look like people wet their
sleeping bags.  I accepted partial responsibility for that episode and
thereafter doled out the guns to counselors and CITs (counselors in
training) at the waterfront.  It is often "us versus them" anyway.

At the riflery range, Brian Andrew set up some makeshift benches out
of cinder blocks and planks for us to sit on.  I demonstrated my
artistry and resourcefulness to my campers by utilizing the magnifying
glass I got at the yard sale to emblazon my initials on the bench.  I
figured that if I got in trouble for it, I could blame a camper whose
initials are the same as mine.

My cabin was at the bottom of this hill that got longer every time I
traversed it.  And the lake was at the bottom of yet another hill!  By
the final day, I was exhausted.  That's a lot of exercise for someone
who sits behind a keyboard for a living. Half way through the camp, I
started to drive my van to many of the activities. (Well, almost. ;-))

All in all, it was a better year than last. I was happy to have
parents sign over responsibility for their children from me and head
home on Friday, zombie that I was.

Saturday, I chauffered Joy and the girls on a yard saling safari
bagging only small game.  By Sunday, I had finished the video tape of
my Dad's retirement weekend (6 hours!) and started on the tape for
camp (3 hours).

Jessica is off in Canada at the world Nazarene Youth Conference (NYC),
due to return this Tuesday.  I hear tell that Ken Stanford is posting
internet pictures of the events and they are having a grand time.

Miranda has been back to work for a week now.

Mark "Zzzzzzzz" Metcalfe
Mark Metcalfe, Cadence Design Systems, Inc.                \
270 Billerica Road, MS04                                    \  O,
Chelmsford, Massachusetts, 01824                     (_______\/ )_______/
Phone: (978) 446-6451 Fax: (978) 446-6351          -----------\--------------