 Lost in the Dance of Reunion Lost in your dance, my feelings became raw I've seen to much rage, to many walls You came to me with to many sorrows With a past you kept tightly surrounded I see no hope of a tomorrow Crises, turmoil's, sufferings and pains? Is nothing positive? always the same You asked me to help you uncover your shames. You had to many excuses, to much to blame. Walls and circles, many dividers You'd say one thing one way It would be different the next day You asked me to help you feel and express I did my up most my very best I felt it always being a test I felt I was guessing at the rest You seemed to want all of me, nothing less How deeply I needed some solitude - a rest I felt like I was jumping through hoops You asked me to help you find a solution I looked for you, You found excuses You say, "I have less time than you" Does that give you rights to do what you do and continue to hurt me too? I'd say" when are you going to move? You say, "When I want to" Feeling and actions, only 1/2 truths? It seem you only wanted me to love talk you How do you rock and cradle on demand? I had to step back and take a stand I was always walking around big holes Is there something wrong with me That I needed and sought honesty? I know my boundaries and my limitations I am sad you say "no need for them in my relations" I've lost most my tolerance and my patients After 4 years, the same old same old Nothing changes when nothing changes I felt set up like others to hurt you That made me unhappy - very blue The Abuser/Rescuer/Victim/Player? That hurts to be in set in those rolls It pierces the depth of my soul I wanted to know you deeply in my life I had no idea it would bring such heartaches, and strife I've loved you more than you ever know I've loved you as much as I could show I told you all of me, I hide nothing It seemed like nothing I did was good or real I'm surrendering - I standing still It is hard to break through your strong will I am waving and putting the white flag up I can no longer fill up your empty cup I didn't feel you wanted just me, What did you want, what do you see? I felt glued to the floor I felt you wanted way much more That hurt me, made me sad and sore You don't always have to be a good and perfect one The innocent, frail, shy, not my fault girl I needed the real - honest just my Child So afraid I would know the real you? Even if I do, does it mean I won't love you? I felt so much emotional blackmail I felt tons of jealousy, envy - get evens I can't talk of other people in my life? How sad I felt, how allfull - sighhhh They too loved, needed and wanted me Playing...come and get me if you can It's all so very painful - Damn Love takes hard work, rain, and lots hours I am not the mommy you came looking for You are not that baby I'd yearned to hold I am not what you hoped and wondered about You are not what I had dreamed and thought Honesty and reality have not be sought Reality has set in, it hurts allot I love to talk with others and share, That's not wrong or right; it is just there I am sad you've chosen not to share It is your responsibility to speak up The very things you've asked me for You've continue to slam all doors Or you've push for more and more The closer I got to the REAL you The more you'd throw tantrums and say, "guess who" Life will always remain the same When your looking for someone to blame I've done it YOUR way - it stayed the same I can't go back there and play that game Love is not from one, its from two Love isn't an It, it something we DO! I now need somethings from you I don't want things my way - I need a say I needed and begged for truth I got something differant each day I do not feel truth has been there Yet you asked it from me - quit unfair I wish love was all we needed I have enough for us both My love is deep and seeded I share with you what a mother would tell You resist my efforts and crawl in a shells Look! I see a heart covered with veils Full of unhappiness, lots of tales? Many mask's are being worn It rips my heart - I am feeling torn Dancing and jumping in the fire You are right - time for quite hour You've changed the rules a hundred times I can't catch up - I fall far behind It's up to you - your way your time I am leaving it alone - I'll wait for a sign Maybe you'll want to walk in the light Perhaps then we can set things right I feel possitive in all that I did You take your feelings and hide I can't keep up with all the lies ....Written by Ginger to Tina after four years of dancing in the fire. June, 2000
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Thank you, Ginger and Tina