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I will not waste chalk
I will not aim for the head
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not burp in class
I will not expose the ignorance
of the faculty
I will not instigate revolution
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's
lounge
I will not conduct my own fire
drills
I did not see Elvis
I will return the seeing-eye dog
Funny noises are not funny
I will not call my teacher `Hot
Cakes'
I will not snap bras
Garlic gum is not funny
I will not fake seizures
They are laughing at me, not with
me
This punishment is not boring
and meaningless
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded
classroom
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not encourage others to
fly
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not fake my way through
life
I will not prescribe medication
Tar is not a plaything
I will not bury the new kid
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not teach others to fly
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not trade pants with others
A burp is not an answer
The cafeteria deep fryer is not
a toy
I am not a 32 year old woman
Teacher is not a leper
I will not do that thing with
my tongue
Coffee is not for kids
I will not drive the principal's
car
I will not eat things for money
I will not pledge allegiance to
Bart
I will not yell "She's Dead" during
roll call
I will not sell school property
The principal's toupee is not
a frisbee
I will not cut corners
I will not squeak chalk
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to
the bathroom
I will not get very far with this
attitude
Goldfish don't bounce
I will not make flatulent noises
in class
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not belch the National
Anthem
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not sell miracle cures
I will not grease the monkey bars
Underwear should be worn on the
inside
I will not hide behind the Fifth
Amendment
The Christmas pageant does not
stink
I will not do anything bad ever
again
I will not torment the emotionally
frail
I will not show off
I will not call the principal
"spud head"
I will not carve gods
I will not sleep through my education
I will not spank others
I am not a dentist
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Spitwads are not free speech
I will finish what I start
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
High explosives and school don't
mix
Hamsters cannot fly
All work and no play makes Bart
a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just
to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute
teachers
My homework was not stolen by
a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten
turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left
to the professionals
I will not send lard through the
mail
I will not use abbrev.
Five days is not too long to wait
for a gun
Adding "just kidding" doesn't
make it okay to insult the Principal
Indian burns are not our cultural
heritage
There are plenty of businesses
like show business
I will not dissect things unless
instructed
I will not hang donuts on my person
No one wants to hear my armpits
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I will not celebrate meaningless
milestones
I will not strut around like I
own the place
Next time it could be me on the
scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be
pushed so far
I will stop talking about the
twelve inch pianist
I am not a lean mean spitting
machine
The Pledge of Allegiance does
not end with Hail Satan
I will not whittle hall passes
out of soap
Wedgies are unhealthy for children
and other living things
I do not have power of attorney
over first graders
I am not the reincarnation of
Sammy Davis Jr
I am not certified to remove asbestos
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career
choice
I will remember to take my medication
The boys room is not a water park
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
Nerve gas is not a toy
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The First Amendment does not cover
burping
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze
him hard enough
Cursive writing does not mean
what I think it does
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