Homer say's
 
  • You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday 

    • putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're  
    out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You  
    want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE 
    TRUTH! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a  
    pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know  
    what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN! 
  • Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?  
  • Baloney Song

    • "My baloney has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r, 
    My baloney has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r..." 
  • Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh...  
  • Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets 

    • just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.  
  • Homer :"I saw the spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball..."

    • Marge: "If you don't mind!?!, we're on our way to a funeral." 
    Homer : "Ding Dong, the witch is dead..." 
    Bart : "Which old witch?" 
    Homer : "The wicked witch!" 
  • Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.  
  • In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, 

    • then you get the women.  
  • Ah, Andy Capp, you wife beating drunk!  
  • Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!  
  • Homer:"I don't want anyone giving her a hard time just

    • because she's DIFFERENT!...No jokes...No taunting..."  
    [Homer spots Uter]  
    Homer : "AHH! HOO! HOO! Look, that kids got bosoms! Who's got a wet  
    towel? Heh Heh!"  
  • If you really want something in this life, you have to work for 

    • it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers...  
  • Lisa : "Dad, we did something very BAD!"

    • Homer : "Did you wreck the car?" 
    Bart : "No." 
    Homer : "Did you raise the dead?" 
    Lisa : "Yes!" 
    Homer : "But the car's OK?" 
    Bart & Lisa : "Uh-huh." 
    Homer : "Alright then." 
  • Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will...  
  • Simple Song

    • Call Mr. Plow, 
    that's my name, 
    that name again, 
    is Mr. Plow!  
  • Hello? Operator! Give me the number for 911!  
  • Blame the guy who doesn't speak English.  
  • Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.  
  • Can you believe it!? Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job and live off the boy!  
  • Homer : "Quiet, I can't hear myself think." 

    • Brain : "I want some peanuts."  
    Homer : "That's better."  
  • Homer: "D'oh, how can I get bart to do things with me."

    • Brain: "why not try reverse psychology." 
    Homer: "That won't ever work." 
    Brain: "O.K. don't try reverse psychology." 
    Homer: "Y'all right, I WILL try reverse psychology." 
  • Kids, if Grandpa starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement.  
  • Homer is trying to convince Bart and Lisa that nothing bad will happen

    • to him.So he tells them that only bad people die. 
    Homer : "Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!" 
    Bart : "What about Abraham Lincoln?" 
    Homer : "Err...He sold poisoned milk to school children!" 
    Marge : "Homer!" 
    Homer : "Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them..." 
  • Lisa : "Who will police the police?" 

    • Homer : "I dunna know. Coast Guard?"  
  • Brain: "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret." 

    • Homer : "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom."  
    Marge : "Oh, my gosh!"  
    Brain : "No, the other secret."  
    Homer : "Marge, I never passed high school."  
    Marge : "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap."  
  • Marge : "But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician."

    • Homer : "Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay." 
    Marge : "What did you say?" 
    Homer: "I don't know. I flunked Latin, too." 
  • Homer telling bart how to fight:

    • "Then you start to cry like a sissy" 
    "When he turns away disgustedly" 
    "That's the time to kick some back" 
  • Homer speaking to Bart, 

    • "Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you  
    win or loose, its how drunk you get."  
  • "When I was seventeen

    • I drank some very good beer 
    I drank some very good beer I purchased 
    With a fake ID 
    My name was Brian McGee 
    I stayed up listening to Queen 
    When I was seventeen"  
  • ...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works...

  • Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!  
  • Alright Brain...Its all up to you  
  • I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line some day 

    • from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world 
  • I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very 

    • scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see,  
    there are some cry babies out there, religious types mostly, who  
    might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn  
    off your set now. Come on! I dare ya! Buwack buck buck buck buck  
    buck buck buck Buwack buck buck buck, Chicken! 
  • Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something, something."

    • Marge : "Go crazy?" 
    Homer: "DON'T MIND IF I DO! WHARGHLULU HAHUHAHU  
    WOOD HALULAOGH!" 
    Marge: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  • Homer : "Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there!" 

    • Marge : "Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?" 
    Homer : "D'OH!" 
    Homer : "Well, its been two long trips but we're  
    finally almost there again!" 
    Marge : "Homer, when you locked the front door did you remember to lock  
    the back door?" 
    Homer : "D'OH!, D'OH!" 
  • [After Homer & Cheif Wiggum drive off a cliff and their impending 

    • death is stopped by the car landing in a huge pile of rubbish...] 
    Wiggum : "Ha! And to think, those idiot environmentalists were protesting  
    this landfill!" 
    Homer : "Solid waste! I could kiss you! MWUA! eugh! MWUA! ooh! MWUA!  
    aah! MWUA! ooh! I think this one's pizza!"  
  • Homer : "How much does this job pay?"

    • Lenny: "Nothin'" 
    Homer : "D'oh!" 
    Lenny: "Unless you're crooked." 
    Homer: "Woohoo!" 
  • Burns : "We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair 

    • Union contract..." 
    Homer To Brain : Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?" 
    Burns : "...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!" 
    Brain : "Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?" 
    Burns : "I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's  
    the harm?" 
    Brain : "Oh my God! He is coming onto me!" 
    Burns : "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows, 
    [Friendly Laugh] 
    Brain : "Arggh!" 
    Homer : "Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor  
    shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious,  
    but the answer is no!  
  • Lisa : "Do you think you can get the dental plan back?"

    • Homer : "Well, that depends on who's a better negotiator. Mr. Burns  
    or Me!" 
    Bart : "Dad! I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy  
    old danish." 
    Homer : "Done and done! Heh Heh Heh!" 
    Homer : "D'OH!"  
  • What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot 

    • your car in a park. I think all cars should have them! 
  • [Marge's aunt has died and they are going to funeral] 

    • Selma : "Its the death of a legend."  
    Brain : "Yeah! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!" 
    Homer: "Ha Ha! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!" 
    Marge : "Homer!" 
    Homer: "Stupid Brain."  
  • Marge : "Homer I want to talk to you about this credit card bill..."

    • Homer : [[Falls to floor screaming and crying] 
    "I admit it! The record club! The first eight were only a 
    penny...then they jacked up the price!..."  
  • Lenny : "Where are you going ?"

    • Homer : [Triumphantly carrying Marge] 
    "I'm going to the back seat of my car! And I wont be back for TEN MINUTES!"  
  • Marge : "Homer, It's funny but I've noticed that my mum and your dad are very lonely."

    • Homer : "Heh Heh! That is Funny!" 
    Marge : "They need to spend time together..." 
    Homer : "Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need 
    to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients 
    can be obtained from them..." 
    Marge : "Stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet and go to sleep." 
  • [ In the episode where George Bush moves in next door.....]

    • [Santa's Little Helper is jogging with the Bushes and townsfolk down the street.]  
    Homer : "Looks like he's barking up the wrong Bush! Heh heh!" 
    Brain : "Good job Homer, the cleverest thing you'll ever say 
    and no-one was around to hear it." 
    Homer : "D'oh!"  
  • [Episode where Marge tries to get the family]

    • [ a membership in a ritzy country club....] 
    Burns : "Quit cogitating Steinmetz and use an open faced club, 
    A sand wedge." 
    Homer : "Mmmm, open faced club sand wedge."  
  • [Upon meeting a representative from Reader's Digest]

    • Homer : "Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your 
    Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... 
    really...good."  
  • In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!  
  • [Homer looking at globe, spots Uruguay]

    • Homer "Ha ha! Look at this country! 'You are gay'! Ha ha!"  
  • When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy,

    • I thought that it would be fun and zany like that movie  
    'Spaceballs'. But instead it was dark and disturbing like  
    that movie 'Police Academy'"  
  • Homer : "What's the meaning of life?"

    • God: "Sorry, you have to wait until you die." 
    Homer : "But I can't wait that long." 
    God : "You can't wait 3 months?" 
    Homer : "No!!" 
    God : "Oh OK.. The meaning of life is..." 
  • Lisa : "Dad do you have any fruit?"

    • Homer : "This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit."  
  • FBI : "Here's is a few places we've got in mind for you.

    • Terror Lake, Cape Fear, Screamville  
    Homer : "Ohhhhhh, Ice creamville" 
    FBI : "No Screamville" 
    Homer : "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" [Terrrified Scream] 
  • Marge : "Homer we never have parties"

    • Homer : "What about that huge one, you know with champagne, a band, 
    a lot of holy men or somehting." 
    Marge : "Homer that was our wedding"  
  • Homer wrecks his car and has to explain it to the insurance guy.

    • Insurance Rep: "O.K, now before I give you the cheque, I have just one  
    more question. That place Moe's you were coming back  
    from, that is a buisness of some sort..."  
    Brain : "Don't say you were at a bar. BUT what else is open at  
    night." 
    Homer : "I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography." 
    Brain : "Hehe, I would a never thought of that."  
  • Life is just one crushing defeat after another 

    • until you just wish Flanders was dead. 
  • Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip

  • If something is too hard,give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything

  • Advice to Bart on how to break up with Mrs. Krabapple...

    • Homer : "I've got three words for you, 'I am gay'"  
  • The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I 

    • snuck into the football stadium and ate the  
    dirt under the bleachers."  
  • If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its 

    • that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil  
    wrestling,foxy boxy and such and such... 
     
     
     
     
     
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