Top Ten Indicators That You Picked the Right Parents:
1. Your Daddy comes to your fifth-grade classroom, makes your best friend Sammy pull his finger, and then cheeses in front of everyone causing uproarious laughter. He then tells the sexually-repressed Mizz Tucker that you must be excused for two days because the walleye are going apeshit at Lake 'O the Woods and that "some things are just more important than arithmetic tables."
2. Your mom goes to your little league game and notices that one of the boys on your team is playing with a doll. She grabs the kid's mom and says "honey, you take that boy out to catch a mess of crappie right away, or he's gonna end up an interior decorator!"
3. Your teacher calls home after school complaining that you smell like trout guts and you had fish scales on your fingers. You overhear your mom say "listen bitch, my boy is ALL boy, and when that school kicks out all the druggies and fires that pervert principal, THEN I will listen to you!"
4. Your dad helps you win the Pine Box Derby by building the fastest car in the contest out of a hunk of maple with nine pounds of split shot hidden inside and carefully covered with Durham's Rock Hard Water Putty. When a judge hears your illegal car rattling, your dad says "damn, boy, you gotta drink more water when you take those Flintstones vitamins!"
5. You bring home your first girlfriend, and your mom's first question to her is "do you know how to fillet a steelhead, honey? Come on in the kitchen, I'll show you right now!"
6. You and your dad are disqualified from the spring fishing derby because they want someone else to win for a change. He takes you anyway and he holds your own private weigh-in and trophy ceremony that night.
7. Your mom's philosophy on bothering men when they are working or fishing is exactly the same as George Strait's grandma in the movie "Pure Country".
8. You are the only kid in class with a tasty lunch that has smoked salmon caught and smoked by your own dad, and the finest girl in class sits down, purrs in your ear and says "oh, manliness must be genetic..........I bet that would taste good with about 6 or 7 beers as we sit naked in one of the local "rent-a-hot-tub" rooms huh? Pick me up tonight around 9?"
9. You're in the local tackle store, and you see five guys admiring the photo above the cash register of a studly 26 year old holding the tournament-winning 45 pound Atlantic Salmon with a fine-ass woman standing next to him in a bikini. The shop owner sees you and says "you know son, your parents look damn near the same now as they did the day I took that photo!! How much is all that Microsoft stock worth that your parents buy for you each birthday. Hasn't it split 48 times since they started buying it for you?"
10. And the Top indicator you picked the right
parents is...... you come home from college and find out they want you
to go study for a year in Panama because your dad's company just sent him
down there to open a new manufacturing facility. Your mom says "darling,
we hope you don't mind.......the girls down there are really pretty we
hear, the booze is good and the food is great.........but............we're
worried, because instead of trout all they have are millions of pesky sailfish
and wahoo! you're not upset, are you?"