ACTUAL "DEAR ABBY" EXCERPTS
 
 DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One
 is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
 mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
 seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they
 could be Lebanese?
 
 DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No
 twins.  My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes
 in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he
 says that is his hobby.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much
 I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been
 on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my
 boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough
 to discuss money with him.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and
 when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said
 it would never happen again.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate
 doctor?
 
 DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
 was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
 
 DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it.  Now how
 do I get out?
 
 DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
 hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
 drank until one night he came home sober.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a
 little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he
 finally did
 it.
 
 DEAR ABBY: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is
 going through her mental pause.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the
 chief petting officer.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years.  We
 see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love
 him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out
 with me just for what he can get?-GERTIE-
 DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
 
 DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money. I cut my own hair and
 make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.
 Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a
 cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to
 our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
 -FORTY YEARS HITCHED-
 DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
 
 DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.
 I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday.  What do you
 hink he'd like?-CAROL-
 DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like.  Give him a tie.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?-KAY-
 DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January.  Five months later his wife
 had a 10-pound baby girl.  They said the baby was premature.  Tell me,
 can a baby this big be that early? -WONDERING-
 DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.  Forget
 it.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? -CURIOUS-
 DEAR CURIOUS:  No, it's the last thing I want to do.
 
 DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at
 the same time? -JAKE-
 DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three
 and he's still chasing women.  Any suggestions? -ANNIE-
 DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry.  My dog has been chasing cars for years,
 but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced,
 but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.
 Any suggestions? SAM IN CAL.-
 DEAR SAM: Yes.  Run for public office.
 
 DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? -TED-
 DEAR TED: The Internal Revenue Service.
 
 DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say,
 "I've heard a lot about you"? -RITA-
 DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
 
 DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
 age with no bad habits. -ROSE-
 DEAR ROSE: So would I.
 
 DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? -BESS-
 DEAR BESS: Night and Day.