Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Becky, you shouldn't do such a thing for me, to save my life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me, Darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot? A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
An eccentric Millionaire ordered a brand new set of golf clubs and a mail order wife and they both arrived at about the same time. He decided to take his new wife and clubs to the course. His fist shot sliced into the water and he looked at the clubs and pointed his finger and stated. "That's once!" His second shot did about the same and into the rough! Again he looked at the clubs and stated "That twice!" The third shot went as wild as the first two and he walked over to a tree, breaking every club and throwing them in the water. When he walked back to the golf cart his new wife stated, "Now that was really stupid. I saw what you paid for them clubs." He looked at her and pointed his finger and stated. "That's once!"
A golfer in a foursome was playing an extremely tough hole one summer day. He was making a very tricky putt as a funeral procession was going by. He holed out the shot anyway. Afterwards his partner said "You must have nerves of steel to sink such a tricky putt while that funeral was going by." "Yes, we would have been married 25 years today if she was still alive."
A threesome is getting ready to tee off when they notice a man warming up by himself. They ask him to join them and he gladly accepts. They end up having a great round, laughing and joking the whole time and the single man ends up shooting a great round. Having drinks afterwards one of the men comments, "It's not often we play with someone as fun as you and who happens to be a left handed golfer. Our fourth hurt his back, would you care to join us next week?" "I would love to, but there's a chance I might be fifteen minutes late." "No problem, we'll gladly wait." The next week the man shows up right on time and proceeds to have another excellent round, only this time he plays right handed. Awed by the abidextrious man they invite him again the next week. Again he replies, "I would love to, but I might be fifteen minutes late." He shows up on time again the next week and plays well again, only this time he plays left handed again. After the round one man asks, "How do you determine which way your going to play?" The man replies, "It's simple. When I wake up in the morning, if my wife is sleeping on her left side I play left handed. If she's on her right I play right handed." One mans thinks about this and asks him, "Hey, what if your wife is lying on her back?" To which the man replies, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late!"
President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round. When they got ready to tee off on hole No. 1, Clinton removed his golf jacket and revealed that he had a pair of panties stuck to his upper left arm. Nobody in the group had enough moxie to ask about it, so they played their eighteen holes as usual. When the game was completed, and drinks were flowing profusely at the "19th Hole", one of the group got enough "Jack Daniels" courage, and asked, "Mr. President, what's the story on those panties you have stuck to your left arm?" Clinton replied, "It's a patch...I'm trying to quit."
The difference between a gentleman golfer, and a golfer who is not a gentleman can be found in the way they handle themselves after hitting another golfer with the ball. The non gentleman golfer would say something like, "Hey you, yeah you, the guy lying in the fairway, did you see where my ball went?" And the gentleman golfer would say something like, "I'm awfully sorry sir, are you alright, I hope I didn't hurt you, don't bother getting up, by the way, you didn't happen to see where my ball went, did you?"
"Last night, John finally popped the big question," one young woman confided to another. "He said it was really difficult for him since he wasn't sure he was ready to take on the responsibilty, having been on his own for so long. But if we were going through life together, we might as well do it." "So, when's the wedding?" the other woman asked. "What wedding?" the first woman replied. "He asked me if I wanted to go golfing."
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