Klumsyboy's 1998 Bigger and Bolder No Nonsense Commonsense Self Defense Page
Come often for more lovely tips!
Especially if you are interested in sticky hands!
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Some Defenses to the right leg turning kick
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Just slide forward and slap his right knee with my right palm if he kicks my left side with his right leg and then push it down. Remember to judge his timing and power, ie if hes fullon, then keep your left hand up while blocking with the right so you can use the fleshy bit of your left arm to help absorb the power (from his shins)while guiding/pulling it beside you if you didnt move quck enuff to block with one hand.
- A turning kick to your mid section can be diffused just by tucking your elbow in slightly and an outer block.
- For high ones, I get down on dragon stance and left snake hand (if I have more time than the slap knee technique above) and guide his leg over my head and down and the easiest takedown you can do is just slide in and grab both of his legs with your left arm around the front of his rightknee grabbing the front of his ankle and your right hand on his right (your back against his butt) and lean back while scooping both of his legs together foward and up to throw. If he is lite you can lift him up vertically and if he is not then just lean back. Ps he has no defense as he cannot roll away since you have both his legs locked in your arms and has to do a splat fall (usually they dont know how to do it but its like diving on your hands with your arms straight then bend elbows and release the tension and then chest and abs contact one after the other which is really hard as you control their movement) then his back is your smorgasboard (try elbowing his groin and then lowerback in the center of his spine agaiin and again, this is really fun esp when he stops quivering and you can relax/runaway!!!). An equally effective alternative is after snaking his foot to the ground grab his testicles and squeeze hard while pulling down between his legs and punching the back of his neck with your other hand.The left is just the reverse of the right.
- Simultaneous Counter attacks eg just sweep him if he has a habit of highkicking
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My Own Klumsykick
First you kick your back leg (left leg if in right stance) forward as if you were going to do a front kick...don't bend your knee too much and then twist body at an angle of 45 degrees to the vertical axis and whilst your momentum drives you forwards (throw your hip and arms up )
then hug your body close with your arms for more angular momentum while the other (right) leg comes up as a back kick initially and simultaneously , and around in a hook or "dragon spins its tail" (my fav jumping kick) to the poor bastards (right side)face or neck. You can do this while rollerblading.
The beauty is that the first attacking (left) leg doesnt have to actually land on the guy you can swing it out so that its placed just to the side of the guys center line so theres no escape and swing your leg..or hook it round him creating a scissors kick. Practise it low and then when you gain confidence your whole body can be horizontal when executing. Attempt to land next to your opponent so even if he ducks you can move in safely.
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Bruce Lee and Leg movements

The six diseases:
- The desire for victory.
- The desire to resort to technical cunning.
- The desire to display all that has been learned.
- The desire to awe the enemy.
- The desire to play the passive role.
- The desire to get rid of whatever disease one is affected by .
Action is not a matter of right and wrong. It
is only when action is partial that there is a right and a wrong.
Not being tense but ready, not thinking yet not dreaming, not being set but flexible -
it is being wholly and quietly alive, aware and alert, ready for whatever may come.
The Shuffle
To do the forward shuffle, stand in the on-guard position. Slide your
front foot forward about a half-step, widening the space between your
feet just for a second as you slide your rear foot forward. When your
rear foot is moved forward, you should be back at the original position.
To reverse, slide or shuffle your rear foot backward
about half a step, widening the space between your feet for just a split
second as you slide your front foot backward. When the front foot is in
place, you should be in the on-guard position and perfectly balanced.
Your weight should shift slightly to your
rear foot for just an instant.
Quick Movements
Step forward with your
front foot about three inches. This keeps your body aligned and maintains your balance as you move forward.
Without this short step, your rear foot does most of the work.
As soon as you glide your front foot, quickly slide your back foot up to
replace your front foot's previous position. Unless you move your front
foot instantly, your rear foot cannot be planted properly because your
front foot will be partially in the way.
Just before your rear foot makes contact with your front foot, slide your
front foot forward. At this position, if you have not taken another step,
you should be back at the on guard position with your feet apart at a
natural distance.
As you return to an on-guard position after each phase of
maneuvers, shuffle on the balls of your feet with ease and feeling before
continuing on your next maneuver. This drill enhances your skill as it
simulates actual fighting. Unless there is a strategic purpose, forward and backward movements
should be made with short and quick slides
While sweeping your hand upward, swing your hips forward simultaneously,
dragging your rear foot forward. In that split instant, your weight is
heavily on your front foot. At this moment, your leg straightens out to
thrust your body forward.
Sometimes, on an especially deep, penetrating leap, your rear foot may be
ahead of your front foot while you are gliding in the air. You must land
on your left foot only, as your right foot is delivering a side kick.
From an on-guard position, do the forward burst without penetrating too
deeply. Sweep your hand upward and leap forward without straining
yourself. Quickly place your front foot down without kicking. Continue to
do this motion over and over again without stopping. But make sure you
keep your balance and fluidity in motion. This exercise is excellent to
adapt your body to move with ease, rhythm and grace.
As you become more adaptable to the movement, increase your speed and
work toward shortening the distance by more and more execution.
Eventually, you can substitute a backfist punch for the sweeping movement
of your hand.
The backward thrust is like the quick backward movement except that it
carries your body backward quicker and deeper. From an on guard position,
push the ball of your front foot to initiate the motion which straightens
your front knee and shifts the weight to the rear foot. Then the front
foot, without pausing from the initial motion, leaves the floor and
crosses your rear foot. Just before it lands, your rear leg, with its
knee bent and acting like a spring, should thrust your body with a sudden
straightening of its leg. You should land on the ball of your front foot
just a second before your rear foot touches the floor. That one quick
motion should carry your body backward at least two steps.
For your daily training, do the backward burst for speed, balance and
rhythm instead of deep penetration. Move with lightness of your feet and
keep practicing toward shortening the distance.
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Karate, Wing Chun, Aikido and Taekwondo
I did karate and taekwondo in the same period of time and
could say that these two martial arts are excellent for fundamentals. Kung Fu would be a bit difficult for beginners as it is demanding in terms of flexibility in a lot of the (basic) movements.
The major benefit to me of karate is learning how to use my hip and shoulder power when punching and learning to punch straight while being stable ie not bobbing up and down when i move forwards and back in and out of long forward stance.
Kata is actually useful if you learn to create your own one based on your favorite combination attacks and defense movements stringed together. This is because practising the karate (and other styles) kata have moves which are either useless, inefficient or you dont understand why you are doing them. If you DIY, then you know exactly what you are doing, and can vary the rhythm yourself.
Some negatives of Karate:
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karate's movements are overexxagerated in both blocking and
punching.
- long forward stance leaves a lot to be
desired it is extremely weaksideways and is slow to move out of, vulnerable to sweeps and
throws
- Karate sparring (incl. full contact) is unrealistic as you only use karate moves and are restricted in many ways. The karate stance with the fist by your hip sux as its too slow. (also boxing stances where you have both hands up high covering your face is useless because you reveal too much of your midsection and tires your shoulder/trap muscles out ie youre fucked!) Wing chun hand positions ARE the most effectively placed for sparring. There is no doubt about this one so to all your nonbelievers out there, meet me or any advanced practitioner to see for yourself.
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karate is also very rigid and lacks flexibility and movements are predictable by watching the shoulders regardless of their speed.
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even if youre tired as hell, you can generate internal power with wing chun while in karate style punches you have to rely on the force of your hip and shoulders..which tire more easily.
- Karate kicks are limited (in most styles) to the turning kick, font kick and side kick. Ie it is far from complete hence you need to learn Tkd to become a good attacker at beginner level..
Wing chun was designed by a woman for women so a man (me) needs to modify it. The stance is impractical if you do not move and is a bit rigid. I like being relaxed in my stances so I flow like water and can transform to other stances when the need arises quickly. Being relaxed (helped by breathing techniques) will make you respond quicker to any attack from any style.
Aikido is a very versatile martial art and i believe that all beginners to advanced practitioners of martial arts should learn it. You learn move your body effectively, immobilise and throw your opponents. It has a great philosophy (karate has little philosophy if any at all) and if you do it, youll improve your timing and learn how to breakfall. It is perfect against karate as i think it was created to defeat it. Karate is rigid whilst aikido is soft like water....Aikido moves are essentially judo move variations ie it is the use of joint techniques rather than just single throws...id say aikido and judo are twins separated from birth. i mean if they get too close you do a judo throw while if theyre at a longer distance do an aikido one.
The major fallacy of aikido is that it is dependent on the opponent committing full force in each attack otherwise there is no counterattack and aikido does "not work". Meanwhile, aikido is not good against lowerleg attacks and one leg multiple kicks of which I am proficient. In short, as long as you dont use the karate moves eg using a kick to lead a punch, and have good balance when attacking (and regaining it when youve attacked and missed quickly), can read the aikido guys moves (ie if hes going to grab your wrist, then dont fucking give it to him! hold it fucking close to your body in a clenched fist as he cant do shit when your arm is not outstretched to an extent),the aikido guy will have shit chance at defeating you. However, you may not defeat him either because he loves moving out of the way. My advice for you is to breakfalll away if he gets behind your back. And if you are half as good as me, you can do a flip which will surprise him and kick him in the groin. Steven Segal is good to watch in movies for the above ie his kicks are shit and he is the perfect aikido guy, note how he only punches straight ie he needs to work on his backfist and kicks.
Aikido together withWingchun hand techniques are the best hand techniques you can learn. If you master them and know how to interchange between the two styles, No MORTAL will ever be able to land an attack on you (provided you see them coming and
you are quick on your feet, lets just face it, if you just stand there and get hit, you have no hope! Learn to move and you can face any so called world champion and they wont be able to land a single attack on you in the ring. This is guaranteed if you learn to maintain bodydistance.). Note also that you are supposed to "counter" attack when your opponent attacks.
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To perform a spinning whip kickBegin from a short
fighting stance (feet about one shoulder width apart) with your head and upper
body aligned. Pivot your front foot in the direction of your target until your
heel is
pointing directly at the target. Bring the foot of your kicking leg up to your
other
knee to chamber the kick. Once chambered, shoot your kicking leg out toward
the target, with your leg reaching its full extension about one foot to the
side of the
target. When your leg is fully extended, whip it across the target and return
to
your original fighting stance.
Many people will say that this sounds identical to the spinning hook kick but
there
are a few key differences. The first is that the spinning whip kick does not
use a
turn of the body to chamber the leg, but instead coils the body prior to
kicking.
When you pivot your front leg, your body should essentially remain behind and
coil, like a golfer preparing to swing. This creates what is scientifically
termed
potential energy, a reserve of energy ready to be used. When you shoot your leg
out to kick, your body's uncoiling force, not your leg's power, delivers the
blow.
This brings us to another essential difference between the two kicks. The
spinning
whip kick uses the power of the entire body, not the hooking force of the leg,
to
create power. By turning the body into an uncoiling whip (hence the name of the
kick), it allows even the smallest competitors to deliver knockout blows.
A final difference between the kicks lies in the positioning of the upper body
during the kick. When performing a spinning hook kick, the body moves forward
toward the target as the turn is made (before kicking) to chamber the leg high
enough. The spinning whip kick coils the body in place instead, creating a
static
axis around which the leg moves. A static axis provides the kicker with many
benefits including better balance, more power using less muscle force, more
speed, and quicker response time. It also means that the kick can be executed
from a very short distance, allowing counterattacks to the head while your
opponent is moving at you. The spinning whip kick is often modified in
competition, with the kicker dropping his head out of range of a counterattack
while he is kicking. This is an advanced strategy that should be practiced only
after you understand the dynamics of the a correctly executed spinning whip
kick.
If you try dropping your head without understanding the purpose of this
movement, you will find it difficult to maintain your balance, speed and power
throughout the kick.
My Lovely 97 combo tips for sparring and self improvement
- Too much bodybuilding slows you down if you dont practise your speed. To quote Bruce, sparring a bodybuilder is like a bull chasing a matador.
"You must tuck your elbows in quickly when a blow is directed to your midsection," he explained. "Some bodybuilders are so
bulky that they have no way to defend the solar plexus area with efficiency. They can't cover the area with their elbows, so
when they use another method to protect it, they leave other parts of their body open. Weight training is supposed to help you,
not screw you.
You should also learn to breath properly because weights also affects your ability to breathe naturally. In martial arts, breathing is a source of inner energy and you have to learn to channel your energy out efficiently. This is another benefit of heavy duty training ie by having enuff rest days, you can grow your mucles while having time to focus on your speed.
- Learn to be aggressive and chase your opponent so you dont miss out on any tko opportunities and they dont have any breathing space to recover
- when you do your turning kicks its wise to
push a bit instead of pull back straight away in order to generate a resistive force and when you suddenly let your leg be pushed back, snap it high in his face (one kick two attacks).
- Stick your hand in their face to cover your intended attack eg backfist as a entree to your side kick
- sticking a leg between his and flicking it up to his groin
- grabbing their head, pinning it to my upper chest and multiple knees
- when someone does a reverse hook to the head, i do one to the mid
section (or to his groin) in the same direction
- When i initiate attacks, ill punch and backfist in one gowith my left arm esp so when i do reverse right foot techniques in particular the reverse axe...the backfist will make the opp go to your left side where your right foot lands easier!
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Note that the guy in the mirror when you shadowbox is twice the distance that you would need to land an attack so be careful...well the mirror might crack if you were actually sparring someone but then if you were you might fall short. klumsyboy's theory of relativity explains this phenomena..
- "punch fast pull back faster" and same goes for kicks to avoid being grabbed
- grab someones wrist and jerk them forward...because if you learn how to do so and execute techniques simutaneously you can double the power of your kicks (using newtons laws) and throws via the resistive reaction forces. You have to be aware the the opp will counter grab
- Go for the groin if youre on the street as it is usually decisive and less time consuming. Picture a little doggie with his jaws on your lovetool and you can see the pain he will get from simple things like groingrab.
- Take a step forward if you know they are going to move back when you attack so you can followup quickly
- Aim your leg techniques chest height or below because the probability of you landing them is higher than highkicks.
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I do not train my legs heavy. Chinese differentiate between "dead strength" and live strength. Any kid can outrun arnold in the 100m because he is the former while martial artists use live strength to overcome stronger opponents. I do sprints to keep up my explosive strength.
- The front push kick is extremely effective if you learn to glide whilst doing it.
if your opponent moves a bit too close just glide back slightly on one leg while the other knee is lifted to your chest and then thrust it out suddenly to chest height and then follow up.
this is the easiest defense to any attacker who moves forward aggressively.
- learn not to underestimate your opponents. This is a real problem when we are undefeated because you never know, when your guard is down even the blondie above could kick your groin and I know some girls who are really intent on that! Also, a tip if you want to have good stretch like a girl, do dumbell lunges as it will helpyou sink down but make sure you keep your upperbody upright and dont let your lowerbelly relax or arch your back.
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If you survived their first attack by blocking or moving, then turn to face them again when they attack you again. Show no mercy, jab their eyes and knee their groin, then walk away with your eyes fixed on them as quickly as possible. You can also pull their hair back while simultaneously pushing the center of their traps (if you get behind them) to give them a warning and if they move when you tell them not to, twist their head off.
- Always tuck your elbows in when you block and keep your arm relaxed and move to absorb the attacking leg or arm's power behind you by dragging simultaneiously with the block. Wing Chun blocks are the best for close contact with a variation for upperblocks. I use the snake hand for upper blocks ie above the outer block range. I always block with open palms by either slapping or pushing/pulling. The karate inner block ie from out to in with the fists clenched is too slow and exposes too much of your body/is inefficient hence you should learn to block as fast as possible. By learning to be flexible and mixing different styles is the way to success. My fav hand is the crane hand combined with wingchun and aikido techniques because it is literally impossible for your opponent to land a punch on you.
- Diffuse their attack by sidestepping and controlling, then break their left index finger (like a chiken bone *snap*) then use a simple takedown technique like kotegashi in aikido (since you have their wrist under control when you break their finger) or do a strangle takedown. Then tell them quickly (remember being quick and having no witnesses is the key to these techniques as you dont want to get sued, pestered by the police, avengence by his friends with guns or worse get imprisoned for self defense) if they want more their right index finger goes and give a little lecture about how s/he will never be able to write or work again. Palm their nose up the brain if necessary.
I must stress that any joint breaks you do should be done really quickly with enuff *snap*
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