Brianna's Story:

January 17th 1997, I started having pains at 5:30 a.m....Brianna was born at 11:18 a.m.
This was the only pregnancy that I didn't have an ultra sound during, so
we had no idea if we were expecting a boy or a girl. During my pregnancy
the doctor predicted a boy because of the heart rate.
When Brianna was born,and the doctor said we had a girl..........I was
shaking so badly.......and just kept saying " It's a girl !!! It's a
girl !!! "
Her apgar scores were normal, but after the doctor listened to her
heart, he told us that she had a heart murmur. Something that many
children live with and that never causes them problems.
I kept her in my room with me, holding my beautiful daughter in my
arms, not wanting to let her go to the nursery. I noticed over this time
how sleepy she was and what little appetite she had.
I thought this was normal, that she was just mommys happy content little
girl.
During the night the nurse came in to get her for her bath, and I
settled
in for a little bit of sleep. I was awaken at about 2 a.m. (an hour after the
nurse took her)by , my doctor.
He said that Brianna had turned blue during her bath, and that what he had
thought was a murmur was really much more serious.
He told us that He was sending her by helicopter to a childrens hospital
in
Minnesota, and that we should follow her by car.
Jim (myhusband) was asleep and I had to wake him to tell him what was
happening.

We went right away to the nursery, the people were already there and
preping her for her flight. It was then that it hit us just how serious
this was.Our beautiful daughter was hooked up to a ventilator.
After they took Brianna out to put her in the copter,we went back to our
hospital room to get our things. My doctor called me over
to the window,and we
watched the helicopter take off with our baby.To this day the sound
of a helicopter sends chills down my spine...and makes me cry.
We left for Minnesota....the trip took much longer then it
should have. We got lost.
When we got the hospital we were taken to the Neonatal Icu unit.There we
were told our daughter had stopped breathing on her own,that she had
multiple heart defects and that surgery was needed.

Monday: the 20th
Brianna was sent to another hospital in Minnesota. Where we were told
the
leading Heart surgeon in our area would be doing the surgeory.
Her surgeory was expected to last about 12 hours...It  took 6 hours and we
were
told that that was a very good sign.
But not long after her surgery she started having problems with her heart
rate and blood pressure.This went on for several days.No medications
would help.She had also stopped peeing........which was causing her
to retain fluids and, causing more problems.
Tuesday January 28th:
They took Brianna down to clean out her incision, and to try to close her
up. (She was left open with just a translucent patch placed over her
incision, in case any adjustments were needed)
After they brought her back up from surgery (they were unable to close
her because of fluids) I asked her doctor how long he thought it would be
before we could take her home....he said he figured about 2 weeks.
That night (as with every night ) we sat with her in her room.The nurses
had
decreased the medication that made her
sleepy........and for  the first time.....I  really got to see Brianna's eyes. She
looked right at me. I thought at the time that there was more to the
way she looked  at me...........like she was telling me everything was
going to
be ok.
I slept better that night then any other night since this had all begun.

January 29th 1997:
Super Bowl Day!
 

Jim's dream was to be able to hold his daughter on his lap during the Super
Bowl......but because we couldn't hold her,we watched the Super Bowl
from her room with her.
I don't remember exactly what time that night that the doctors
took us......(.and Brianna's Aunt Kathy &Uncle Ron) into a room and told us
there was nothing that they could do for her.
I guess for me this really didn't sink in........Kathy and
Ron went right back to Brianna's room, Jim and I stayed in the conference
room for a few minutes.
Jim went to  call his sister, and I went to Brianna's room to  see
her.
When I got to the door of her room a nurse met me there
and asked if Iwanted to hold Brianna.......I said
YES!!! But then she added with or without her tubes???
I wasn't told she was already gone.........I never got to say
goodbye........I never got to tell her that I loved her
just one more time............
We got to hold our baby......but things were not as we had
hoped they would be........we held her to say goodbye, Not to see her first
smile, or look in her beautiful eyes.
The nurse had dressed her in a gown......on which her uncle Ron placed a
guardian angel pin. She was given a Rose.....One of  the hardest things we
ever had to do, was to leave that hospital for that last time.
 

February 4th 1997

Brianna's funeral.

She was wrapped in her blanket........dressed in a gown that Jim's Sister
and Sister-in-law made for her. We placed pictures of her brothers and
Us, Small stuffed animals, and  flowers in her casket by her.
We played her song "The Maker" and another song at her funeral.
We sang Amazing Grace and released Pink and White balloons for her.
Her Godfathers (Ron and Jim's brother, Dan) carried her tiny casket and
layed it in the ground.

She had so many visitors during her time in the hospital. She got to meet
almost all of her aunts and uncles and cousins. She got to meet
her Grandparents too.
But I would like to take this space at the end, to thank Ron and
Kathy...........they were there for Brianna and for us.........every
moment.They became Brianna's other parents, sitting with her when we were
gone to get some sleep.They were with her in her room when she died. And I
know
that they hold her in thier hearts.......just as we do.

RON   &  KATHY
 

Lyrics to  "Tears in Heaven"

TEARS IN HEAVEN by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
 
 

   Homepage