Rocky came into my life on Oct 30,1997. For the first 2 weeks, 
I almost gave up on him and returned it to his owner. He would 
bark profusingly and kept jumping at the sliding glass door 
every night.Then, I started to miss him the following day and 
begged to have the dog back and promised to love & spoil him.

It was towards his last days when I tried to ask him for a 
handshake,and he couldn't. Rocky was being diagnosed with 
Lymphoma two months ago. It’s an incurable disease. The Vet 
said that the cancer has spread to other parts of his body 
and was told that he could live to a maximum of 1 year. 
Minimum would be a month.  Rocky has been very strong and 
I thought he could outlive more than a year.

I knew his days are numbered when he vomited blood. Soon, he 
threw up what ever he ate. He no longer greets me. Even lifting 
his paw was a problem. When we took him for walks, he was pretty 
reluctant and walked slowly. Unlike before, I could have flown 
with the wind.

When the Vet saw him, I was given 2 choices. Either to put him 
down to sleep or to give him a jab to stop him for vomiting. 
Apparently, the Vet said that Rocky has difficulties in breathing. 
Rocky was restless and lay on the surgery table. I could read his 
mind that he wanted to me to set him free because normal visits 
to the clinic, he would have freaked out.

As the Vet carried him to the surgery room, Rocky looked at me 
like a child. Neither did he struggle nor fidget.

When I was allowed to see Rocky, his heartbeat was still beating 
and eyes wide open. I asked the vet if he knows my presence and 
why his eyes are open. Then his heartbeat stopped. The vet 
explained that it’s normal for his eyes to be opened.

I stared hard at him. It was as though he is looking at me. 
I kissed and whispered in his ears. He looked as if he is alive, 
eyes open, even now as I think back. His body was still warm and 
I hugged him and whispered in his ears and said "Rocky, fight 
back......get up."

When I looked into his eyes, its as though he is looking at me, 
filled with disappointment that I chose this fate for him.

Before I was forced to leave, I whispered in his ears again and 
said "I will always love you and you will always be in my heart."

How I Cope and live for the rest of my life

I can never forgive myself as long as I live. My conscience will 
haunt me forever. What if Rocky thinks that the injection was to 
make him get well? To him, not only am I a murderer, he will 
never forgive me.After all, he was only 4 years & 10 months old.
I've asked that his blanket, house & chewy bones, bowl & chain to 
be left untouched. I still filled his bowl with food and water. 
As I looked out of the window last night, I was hoping to see him. 
When it rains, I worried that he will be cold and hungry with no 
shelter. When he used to be around, I will tuck him to sleep in 
his little house with blanket. Rocky is afraid of thunder. He will 
come running to me or either he would hide under the dining table.

What if he gets bullied by a pack of wolves or dogs? What if he is 
being caught and cooked or worst, being tortured?

My Cherished Memories

There are so many things that I wish I could say all at one go. 
He brought us joy, anger, tension, laughter, pain & love.

Rocky is one hell of a jealous freak. He will growl and pick up 
fight when he caught me touching other dogs. Then he will make 
them smell his butt. Furniture, shoes, more shoes, dress, spatula, 
pens, toilet papers, brush, etc.... were not spared.

I remembered that whenever my husband & I got in a debate, he will 
come in between us and tried to be a peacemaker. It really worked!

The first time when he got a fever, I was worried sick. My husband

thought I've over reacted. The vet said that he could have died if 
we were to bring him late. His temperature was 40 degrees! Then it
struck me that the night before after his bath, I didn't dry him 
thoroughly. Worst, the fan was blowing directly at him. It sure 
made me more cautious and not to mention, cherish him more.

Whenever there are appointments on weekdays, I will panic and 
often 

turn it down. Reason being, little Rocky will pee and dirty 
the house.

On weekends, I will make it a point to spend Sundays with him by 
walking him to Coffee Bean (to and fro, the distance is about 8km).
There is this open field which we will have to pass through. We 
couldn't help but to unleash him. Husband & I will position from 
one end to the other end and he will run like a Cheetah. By the 
time when he comes home, he will lie straight and sometimes snore. 
Then he will have to be dragged to the bathroom. He hates to 
bathe! After bath and blow-drying of his shiny silky coat, he will
run amok
and wriggles like a worm. His ears are so cute especially when he 
tries to shake the water off. After much flipping, his ears look 
like a helicopter. After a while, he will sleep like a baby. 
That’s when my husband & I will tried to snatch him from each 
other, carry him to bed and lie next to me on the bed.

He will snore occasionally. Actually, one of the house rules is 
that Rocky will be allowed on our bed on Sunday after bath! 
Occasionally, we will break the rules.

On Sundays, Rocky will wait outside our room as soon as he hears
our voice, even when I tried to tip toe! Once, I open the door, 
our friend will strike a pose which you can't resist. As soon as 
he is invited on the bed, he will transform from an angel to a 
monster ala lion dance. He loves to challenge with my husband 
especially when he clench his fist. We will have lots of fun. 
When his bladder can't 
hold any longer, he will start barking.

That's when I tried to mimic and we will howl until he gives up.

When we leave him for a short while, say 1/2 hour and return, as
soon as the door is open, he will jump and scratch hysterically 
with a twig bone in his mouth, as if he has not seen us for ages. 
He loves to jump and bite my hair. We found him too hyperactive 
and were encouraged to neuter him.

Apparently, it doesn't make any difference. After the op, Rocky 
was gawky and couldn't walk straight. By the next day, he was up 
and ready to be a menace.

It happened that by chance, I signed him up for obedience training
course. Initially, it was more like a party rather than a class. 
He will distract whoever sat besides him, be it left or right. 
Still couldn't believe that he actually passed his exam. I guess 
I was strict and out to make him listen. But not with my husband. 
When it comes to coaching, the small fart is fearful of me. Anyway, 
he didn't make it to the advanced training exam. The moment Rocky 
was being unleashed; he dashed for a bitch instead of sitting 
still by my side!

Rocky loves to attend the beagle fest whenever I could bring him. 
The moment you unleash him, boy! He ran like a cheetah! I really 
enjoyed watching him especially when he tries to pick and provoke 
a bigger dog. He is harmless, just wanting to push his luck and 
I guess he is just being friendly.

There were a couple of occasions whereby I allowed his buddy to 
bunk over. He is never hospitable and always tried to show that 
he is the boss. Poor guest. I've offered to doggy sit for almost 
2 weeks on 2 occasions. Boy! I pitied the guests. When I come 
back from work, Rocky will be lying in the living room and the 
guest will be at the kitchen near the toilet. Still can't figure
out what he did!

I love to buy chewy toys for him so that he will leave my shoes 
alone. He will chew & when I make any attempt to take from him, 
he thought you are trying to play. When I managed to take away 
from him, he will wait patiently although his anxiety shows it all.

I love and protect Rocky so much so that I will not allow anyone 
speak ill of him. There were a couple of occasions whereby I told 
some parents and kids off. Just because he is black and brown in 
colour, these people will make remarks like "eeek..dog bite 
bite..." and/or "don't go near the dog otherwise it will bite." 
Upon hearing, I do not hesitate to tell these morons off and said 
"hey, don't go around teaching/telling/utter rubbish your children
such thing." Majority will smile sheepishly and apologize. Some 
idiot of the highest degree will challenge you and refuse to admit
and go on blabbering to their kid thus confusing them more!

On a few occasions, I've encountered nasty taxi drivers who 
refused to take us. There were a few incidents which pissed me 
off that I noted the car plate number and lodge a complaint.

I respect all religion especially Muslims who cannot have contact 
with dogs. For asthmatic cases, I fully understand. What I cannot 
stomach is when you hear this. "Singapore law cannot take dogs, 
only humans." "No, must put them behind the car boots."

As the saying goes, dogs are men's best friends. Dogs are known 
to be loyal. No matter how you scold or punish them when they are 
wrong, dogs do not bear grudges. They will come to you and lick 
you, sit next to you. There were times when I was down, Rocky 
seems to read my mind and came to lick me. Then he will turn 
turtle, wanting you to stroke him. He will lift his paws and 
tried to ask me to hold his hand.

Everyday, I never fail to hold him like a baby and watch the 
scenery below. In the evening, while watching television, I will 
carry him and let him lie next to me. Shortly, he will snore and
I enjoyed watching him. Sometimes I felt bad that I have to wake
him up if not for nature calls. I also never fail to kiss Rocky 
good night.

He knows a couple of tricks, such as sit, stay, heel, halt, 
down, head down, roll over, jump, & inside. Most dogs will 
perform such tricks when you reward them. Rocky doesn't. 
He does whenever I tell him to. But not anymore.