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02-17-04 ·
Flirting is a form of conversation with other the opposite sex. Sometimes the flirting can be harmless and other times the flirting could actually be serious. Every person is different and every situation is different, so it is difficult to know when a person is serious or not. Some people say that paying the opposite sex a compliment is flirting, however I do not. Doing a compliment to someone, opposite sex or not, is just courteous and should only be looked as that. When most people are flirting, doing compliments is part of the language that he/she uses. This has caused compliments to become part of flirting and is not seen as anything else any more.
I find that most of the time when there is a flirtation involved, the one that is doing the flirting is trying to get the other person(s) into bed. This seems to feel wrong to me, however I am one of very few people that still respect the opposite sex. You will always see the older guys flirting with every woman that walks by, but this is just them seeing how "rusty" they are at the flirting. I think that some of these guys that do this at a certain age start to look pathetic. Some of the older guys seem to be a little too forward with the flirtations too, however they will still do it anyhow. This can backfire on some guys.
I know of many people that flirt just to get the opposite sex to sleep with him/her. I have many friends of the both sexes that do the flirting just to have a "quickie" (one night stand), however I do not think in that fashion. I find it rather sick myself to do something like a "one night stand", however that is how the world is starting to turnout to be like. I hold some of the older beliefs about relationships as part of the way that I think, however I also hold some of the newer beliefs about relationships as part of the way I think. I will not try to sleep with everything that comes my way because that seems to be too disgusting for me to do. I just don't think that doing such an act is proper.
I have been brought up, like many of us, to wait until marriage. I hold this belief to a point because I believe in what it means, but not necessarily to that extent. I do believe in the fact that you shouldn't "screw" everyone of the opposite sex that comes around because I don't think that way. I choose to be considerate of the opposite sex and will not treat him/her as a piece of meat. I do believe that when you feel that you are with the "right" person, you have the option to sleep with him/her. The catch is the fact that it would have to "feel right" to make that attempt. You never know, this person could be the one you marry.
I find that it is better to be able to talk to the opposite sex and pay the odd compliment to him/her, than to flirt with him/her. I have found that doing the talking thing seems to have both you and the other person feel more comfortable. Many people with keep his/her own "guard up" during any time that flirting is involved, however will "lower the guard" a little if he/she feels that you are not flirting. This is why I do not go out to bars because I do not feel comfortable around that type of crowd. I do not feel comfortable, unless I'm with friends, to go to a place that people are flirting with each other to see how close that he/she can get you into bed. That is what I feel about any club/bar that exists in the world today, especially any that exist in a larger area (city type).
I find that there are too many "scam artists" in the world today that use flirting as part of something wrong. When a person is just looking to get "laid", the person will flirt with someone constantly. Most of the time it will turn out to be a "one night stand", and the "scam artist" is the only one not regretting the night. It is sad to see people being taken advantage of by "scam artists" like this however it happens every day. It doesn't matter what sex the "scam artist" is because both of the sexes have "scam artists" regardless. There are more males that are "scam artists" (or at least what you hear about) however that doesn't mean that there are no females that are "scam artists". The reason why the females can get away with it more is because when a male is taken advantage of (taken to bed) the male will usually "brag" to his friends that he was the one "in control" the whole time. In other words make it seem like there was no "scam" at all.
When a person flirts with another person, the intent could be misunderstood easily. When it is harmless flirting, both people know that the flirting means nothing. When it is true flirting, there is at least one person that means everything that he/she is saying. This is one of those concepts that I have yet to understand enough to actually do. I do not flirt with people whatsoever, but I will talk to anyone that comes by. I have been flirted with by the opposite sex multiple times, and still only talked to these people because my instincts had me do this. When I do not "feel" something extra from a person, my mind will treat him/her in a specific way. If I "feel" something during the conversation, I will tend to try to be friends with the person. If there is anything "special" between myself and the other person, I will act on it accordingly. This is how I think, so flirting is not part of the way I think.
Where I do not flirt with the opposite sex, many people seem to feel comfortable around me. It is as if he/she knows that he/she has nothing to fear from me. The fear usually "kicks in" for some when the person thinks that you are suspicious for some reason. When a person flirts you can become suspicious is the eyes of other people in the process. When you tend to flirt with someone, and you are being serious, the "guard" is always up and you will have to earn his/her trust with that "guard" against you.
I have been told that I am a good person. I have also been told that it is always good to know that there is someone of the world that isn't looking to get "laid" every chance that he/she gets. I have been told several times that these are good traits, however I have been told the opposite thing from my same sex. This has me slightly confused. I do enjoy that the opposite sex seems to trust me more than others of my sex, however I have been told that this is wrong at the same time. I have been told that I need to flirt with the opposite sex to earn some respect from him/her, however my way I have already earned more than what I can see when a person does flirt with them. One of those times that there is no true answer to the situation.
I have been told lately that doing things spontaneously, at my age, is a bad thing. I have been told this by family & friends, however I am still rather young (especially in my heart). I do many things as the "spur of the moment" and I have done this successfully throughout life. This type of spontaneous behavior is a part of me, and for me to stop doing stuff this way is just like telling someone to stop breathing. It is necessary for a person to breathe, and that is how I feel about my spontaneous behavior. I have also been told that this behavior can be destructive after time. I have yet to understand how, however that is one of those things that has been bothering me since it was told to me.
It has been brought to my attention, just recently, that my spontaneous behavior is my version of flirting. I do not see my behavior as flirting, and still don't understand how it is. I can understand the that any relationship should have some ability of spontaneity, however I do not see myself as flirting when I am being spontaneous. This is one of those things that I do not understand, however I probably am flirting without knowing that I am. I may see it as normal, however others may see it differently. God knows I have only seen flirting as something that I have been unable to do due to my beliefs. My beliefs involve respecting the opposite sex, and trying to be friends with everyone I meet. I have no need for flirting, currently, because I have yet to have the "need" to do it.
This is one of those topics that everyone is slightly confused about. I know that there is the odd newspaper that will say that there are some "instant signs" of flirting, however some of the "instant signs" are things that people do without trying to flirt. Things such as a woman "flicking her hair" is seen as an "instant sign", however the woman could be just getting her hair out of her face. The one of a guy "moving his belt buckle" is seen as an "instant sign", however the man could have been standing for a while and needed to "pull his pants up". Stuff like this can be misinterpreted all of the time, and could cause a negative affect in the process. This is why I do not do the flirting because I do not want to give false impressions to the opposite sex.
This seems to be one of those things that no one will be able to force me to do, unless I feel like it. The problem is that I may do it once in a while and not realize that I am doing it, which could be worse too. It is difficult to determine what is flirting and what isn't, however as long as the intents are known it shouldn't matter if you flirt or not. I have yet to see the need for flirting, but I know that there are many others that feel the opposite of me.
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