Quotable Quotes

collected by Dave F.

The following is a list of D & D related quotes that you found to be memorable. Thanks to all who took the time to remember the unforgettable.

"Caw, mutha @#$%#*, caw." [ When the DM asked Ralph J. how he would signal his fellow adventurers, he replied that he would make a bird call. When pressured by the DM as to how he would do this, he gave his rendition of a pissed off crow.]

"I am just gonna hang low for a while." [ When the DM asked Vic B. what his character was going to do]

"That's mandatory rape isn't it?" [ When the DM explained to the group that the NPC was a young, under-aged female, Vic B. offered his legal interpretation of what the group alluded to.]

"FEAR ME"!!!! [ Balin's overt and often irritating threat to all that opposed him.]

"Standard Formation" [the reply to the DM when asked about the group marching order.]

"Here's a copper piece, now you're my special friend" [One of David F.'s PC's "kiss of death" approaches to NPC's that he intended to kill/assassinate in the near future.]

Balin

"We will talk more of this later for a shadow has crossed my face and the walls have ears"
"What do you mean, all of my equipment is gone?"
"Fight me Damn You"
"When pigs fly!"
[contributed by Scuz]

"Hey! Come back here ya pantywaist!"
"It sure as hell is your bolt in his back, you're the only one with a crossbow, Faffard!"

"I wish I had all my %*#@ back!"
"Retreat, Retreat!"

[contributed by Faffard]

How about one that was borrowed from Monty Python but used regularly by all, "Run away!!! Run away!!!" We seemed to do a lot of retreating.....

[sent in by Grim]

"How was I to know that a necklace of missiles explodes if it fails its saving throw?!" [Vic B., after failing his character's saving throw and then failing the saving throw for a fully loaded necklace of missiles, which then exploded practically disintegrating his character and killing three other members of his party. Vic killed me sometimes! And I mean that literally.]

"You didn't kill me. It was only a hologram." [Kev to Jimmy, who had just tried to assassinate his character, Faffard, for the umpteenth time.]

"What's so strange about a halfling arch-mage with psionics?" [Shannon R. to me when I challenged his character selection. He won the argument, of course.]

"You forgot about a little thing called 'avoid any situation.'" [Me to Dave after Balin had beheaded Palin with his Axe of the Dwarven lords and then proceeded to kick his head around like a ball and dance on his corpse. Very poor form if you ask me.]

[these were sent in by Vulpine]

"I'll fireball RIGHT BEHIND the orcs." [uttered by Vic B. just before his fireball went off, killing half of our party as well as several of the orcs. Vic had forgotten to check the diameter of a fireball blast. Seems as if Vic pops up frequently in this category...]

"Greetings, worm, we have been expecting you." [uttered by the assassin chief, run by D.M. Scuz, to Myloeh, who had thought he would go undetected while spying on their camp. Amazingly, Myloeh was hidden by a cloak of elvenkind, successfully hiding in shadows and moving silently, and traveling under cover of darkness at the time.]

"I've come to relieve you of your command." [uttered by Jimmy's ranger to Proteus, just before he gave the order to his squad of archers to punch Proteus full of arrows.]

"A-whack-a-ding-hoy!" [Ralph's interesting battle cry for all of his characters.]

"We'll be glad to help." [uttered by Palin and Balin to Ralph's character shortly before they killed him. Ralph had requested their assistance in attacking the Drakmar Thieves Guild, but had forgotten that both of them were members.]

"This is a goddamn no-win-scenario!" [said by Faffard after the D.M., me, had hunted their characters down by a troupe of orcs and wargs and forced them to flee up a tree which was shortly after set on fire during the Middle Earth campaign.]

"I'll take it if no one else wants it." [Bozo's response to the party leader's question, "Who wants a shortsword of sharpness?" Bozo was the only one in the party who used a shortsword and had declined all other treasure in favor of the sword. Man, did we ever regret giving him that sword.]

"Since when can barbarians ride huge ancient red dragons with machine guns mounted on them and rig traps which cause 20-200 h.p. of damage?" [Me to Bryan R. on what I felt was a gross violation of game mechanics. I still defend my opinion.]

"So you say the creatures of your world have no resistance to magic, eh?" [Palin and Balin to Ralph's "Gamma World" character right before Palin cast disintegration on him and then both characters stripped him of all his high-tech gear.]

[also added by Vulpine]

"Greetings worm, we've been expecting you"... Did this occur right before the black dragon "sneaked" up and breathed on my character?

[Martek]

Helpful Definitions:

These were taken from a debate which developed in the inn regarding the difference between roleplaying and screwing around during a game:

Roleplaying: Trying to accomplish something which will either help define or move a character forward.

Screwing around: Wasting time whoring, gaming, etc. There is a basic difference between telling the DM your character is going out chasing women and wanting to pick out the right one with the DM.

We had plenty of both occur. I'll admit to doing my share of both.

[Scuz]

Allow me to suggest another viewpoint.

role-play (rol�plâ�) verb
role-played, role-playing, role-plays verb, transitive
To assume deliberately the part or role of; act out:
also know as pretending that you are someone else to the point that you think that you are and eventually become dangerous to yourself and others around you. SEE ALSO schizophrenic bastard.

screw around
1. Slang. To act or fool around aimlessly or in a confused way and accomplish nothing.
2. Vulgar Slang. To be sexually promiscuous.
3. What D & D Players do when they can't figure out how to begin an adventure because the DM is such an evil bastard that he, Scuz, makes it virtually impossible to figure out how to access the adventure. Then he kills your character off in an unfair and most painful way.
[Balin]

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