The Name's The Thing
by Salamander
Buffy sighed. She didn't really want to have to play baby-sitter to her cousin during the summer. Why did she have to come? The kid was only going to make the slaying more difficult. She'd have to keep it a secret. Just great.
Giles cleaned his glasses and then put them back on. "The train's late."
Xander grinned. "Must be quite a few rail-kills today." Everybody looked at him. He sighed. "What? You know, 'rail-kill'? Like roadkill?" Everybody rolled their eyes. "Tough crowd today."
Willow shook her head and then turned to Buffy. "How old is she?"
Buffy shrugged. "I don't really know. I remember a family reunion several years ago. She seemed at least four years younger than me."
Xander nodded. "So . . . you're saying about 13 or 14. Great! Just what the gang needs: a teenie-bopper!"
Giles cleared his throat. "What does she look like?"
Buffy shrugged again. "Not really sure. Not like me, though. Short brown hair. Brown eyes. Dark olive complexion. Short."
A whistle told them a train was coming. They watched it come into the station and stop. A few minutes later, they allowed passengers to get off. People began to leave and meet up with others. The gang looked around for someone fitting Buffy's cousin's description. They didn't see anybody like her, though.
One of the last people off was a girl who looked about 14 with green hair, a lip ring, a brow ring, and several small hoop rings in the upper part of both ears. Her pants were green cargos that were way too big for her. She had on a simple, small grey t-shirt. Buffy pointed. "That . . . that might be her. I'll . . . go get her." She seemed shocked by the girl's appearance.
Buffy walked up to the girl. "Um . . . Tiffany?"
Tiffany studied Buffy. "I hate that name. Call me Satan."
Buffy blinked. "Satan?"
Tiffany-- er . . . Satan shrugged. "My nickname. Friends call me that."
Buffy nodded. "Oh . . . okay. Um. Let me get your duffel bag, . . . Satan."
Satan shrugged again. "If you want it. It's kinda heavy, though."
She handed it to Buffy who took it easily. It was heavy, though, and Buffy was surprised that little Tiffany . . . ummm . . . little Satan had been able to carry it so easily. "Come on. You have to meet my friends."
"Sure." Satan picked up her suitcase, a backpack already on her, and walked after Buffy.
Buffy led her to the small group. She smiled at them and started the introductions. "That's Xander, Willow, and Giles." They shook Satan's hand. Buffy pointed at her. "Guys, this is . . . uh . . . -- "
"Satan." She smiled to the others. "But you guys can call me Lucifer or the Evil One, if you want."
There was an uncomfortable silence; nobody really knew how to take her. Finally, Xander broke the silence with laughter. "Good one, . . . Tiffany, isn't it?"
Satan sighed. "No. The breeders gave me that name. My clan gave me the name Satan."
Giles blinked. What was this girl talking about? It almost sounded super-natural. He had to know what this girl knew and was talking about. "Breeders? Clan?"
Satan frowned. She really hadn't wanted to visit her cousin and aunt. She would have been fine spending the summer all by her lonesome. "Yeah. Breeders are what I call my 'rental units. The clan are my buds."
"Huh?"
Satan clenched her jaw, trying to keep her temper under wraps. "I call my parents the Breeders 'cause they breeded and out I popped. I affectionately call my friends the clan. That's it." She smiled a bit too sugary for everyone's liking.
Giles smiled back. "Oh. I see."
Again, there was an uncomfortable silence. Again, Xander broke it. "I'll carry your suitcase for you."
Satan shrugged. "Sure. But it's kinda heavy."
Xander smiled and swatted the air like that was no big deal. Satan handed the suitcase to him easily. He took it and . . . dropped it. It was heavy, dammit! Xander stood up and smiled. "And how many gold bars did you steal?"
Satan smiled genuinely for the first time since she got off the train. "None." Everyone smiled back. "Yet."
Again, there was a very uncomfortable silence. Satan sighed. She was getting tired of this. She turned to Xander. "If you still want to carry my suitcase, it has wheels at the bottom."
Xander snorted. "I don't need wheels!" Everyone looked at him. "Well, okay. Fine."
They all started to walk to Giles' car. He had offered to pick Tiffany up for Joyce. He was wondering how Joyce would react when, instead of getting Tiffany, she got Satan.
The gang stopped in front of Gile's car. He opened the trunk and Buffy was barely able to fit the duffel bag and suitcase. She turned to Satan, who was staring at the car. "I can try to fit your backpack in here, if you want."
Satan looked at her oddly. She got really protective. "No. This bag stays with me."
"Um. Okay." Buffy really didn't want to try this girl. She was just too odd.
Satan went back to staring at the car. She smiled and turned to Giles. "You have a 1963 Citreon Coupe? Wow, man! If this thing was well maintained, it would be a chick magnet. Well, it would attract chicks like me. And I don't think I'm your type. But, still, it would just be the coolest."
Giles smiled back. "Well, keeping up the car is the last thing on my mind."
Satan nodded. "I can understand that. Everything today is going a million miles per hour. I can see why this isn't high on you 'to do' list. If you want, you an put me in charge of getting everything done."
Giles sighed, obviously a bit apprehensive. " . . . I'd rather be in charge of my car."
Satan shrugged. She knew that Giles didn't trust her. Most people didn't, though. "Whatever." She got into the backseat.
Behind the car, a few feet away, Buffy shook her head. "Psycho much?"
Willow patted Buffy's shoulder. "She is a bit . . . odd."
Xander shook his head. "The word's creepy, Wills, not odd." He turned to Buffy. "You think she's a demon?"
Buffy opened her mouth to defend her cousin, but then stopped. "I . . . don't know. We should be very careful around her, though." The other two nodded and then got into the car. Willow and Xander sat on either side of Satan in the back while Buffy sat in the front.
The three were a bit uneasy; Satan had a very unnerving grin plastered on her face. And the reason for her grin? Well, people didn't say that she had good hearing for nothing. So they thought she was a demon, huh? She could definitely use that to her advantage.
Giles started the car, and then they were off, his car working overtime with the extra weight.
Xander kept side-glancing toward Satan, looking for horns and the like. Satan noticed, of course. When was anything Xander did ambiguous? Satan's grin grew. Xander decided that it reminded him of the Grinch's grin from 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas.'
Willow pointed to Satan's backpack, which the girl was holding protectively on her lap. "What's in there?"
Satan turned to Willow. "Stuff. Mostly books."
Xander nodded. That was okay. Books were okay. "What kind of books need to be protected like that? . . . " He blinked. He knew exactly what kind! The evil, bad kind! Maybe she was into black magic! Buffy and Willow picked up on it, too.
"Mostly RPG stuff, Edgar Alan Poe, H. P. Lovecraft, stuff on Frida Kahlo and Noel Rockmore, and dreams." She said it with a straight face. What she said was true, too. Although, she didn't tell them about the journals, but they didn't need to know about those.
Giles smiled. This girl seemed well-read. Poe and Lovecraft were masters of the macabre. And, if she was into Kahlo and Rockmore, she was an art fan. All those things plus the dream stuff meant that she was introspective. He was actually beginning to like her for some odd reason. He decided to join the conversation. "Besides Kahlo and Rockmore, do you have any other favorite artists?"
Satan frowned. "Yeah. . . . I don't like to admit it, but I'm a van Gogh fan. He was really great. Cool lifestyle, too. His only friends were hookers." Giles choked a bit and the other three teens tried to hold in their laughter. "It's true, though! Basically, his only friends were hookers. And his brother Theo, of course. It's kinda sad, really. I would have been his friend."
Giles cleared his throat. "So . . . just those three artists?"
"I also like Eleanor Antine. Really great woman. A bit on the eccentric side, but that makes her even cooler. I love the experiment she did on her mom. Just beautiful." She grinned. Nobody in the car had heard of the woman, but they weren't too sure of her. Or Satan, for that matter.
There was yet another uncomfortable silence. Well, it wasn't for Satan. She was reveling in it. She was in control of the whole situation, and she knew it. She was known for being sadistic in these circumstances. It reminded her of somethig her friend God had said. "You're a masochist of conversations." Satan's evil grin reappeared at the memory.
Xander cleared his throat. "How old are you?" He smiled as best as he could at her.
She smiled back, which really scared him. This conversation was about to be turned around. "How old do you think I am?"
Xander blinked. He looked at Willow and then at Buffy, who was turned around so she was looking in on the conversation. All three of them knew he was trapped. A wrong answer to that question was probably a bad thing.
He cleared his throat. "Well," he tried to smile, "you have the intelect of a 30 year old."
Satan frowned. "Try a 50 year old. Biologically, though, how old am I?"
Xander opened his mouth but nothing came out. He looked as caged as he actually was. It took everything Satan had from bursting into laughter; she was enjoying this too much, and she knew it. She sighed. "I'm 17."
Xander let out a breath. "Oh. Hey! So am I!" His relief was quite obvious.
Buffy frowned at Xander and then turned to Satan. "17? I thought you were a bit younger than me."
Satan shook her head. "Just look younger. Which means that when I get older, I'll still look younger. Something to look forward to."
The car fell into silence again. This time, though, it wasn't that uncomfortable. Satan smiled to herself and opened a flap of one of her pockets. She pulled out a Kermit Pez dispenser. "Hey, Kermie." She took a yellow Pez from the dispenser's mouth and ate it. The other teens in the car watched in wonder and confusion.
Buffy was holding Satan's duffel bag and suitcase. "I'll bring these to the guest room. You guys show her to the kitchen. Mom's there." Buffy carried both of the bags up the stairs.
Xander, Willow, and Giles led Satan to the kitchen where Joyce was taking out some chocolate chip cookies from the oven. Satan smiled. "Smells nummy."
Joyce put the cookie sheet on the counter and smiled at Satan. She took her oven mits off and then went over and hugged the girl. "You've grown, Tiffany. How have you been?" She broke away from the hug and pulled a seat out for Satan to sit at the table.
Satan frowned at the use of her real name. "I've been okay. Um. I really don't like my name. Mind if you call me something else?"
Joyce sat down next to Satan, the others sitting at the table as well. They were all a bit surprised by the way Satan was dealing with Joyce. It was much different than the way she had treated them.
Joyce smiled. "I don't mind nicknames. What do you want to be called?"
"Satan." She smiled proudly.
Joyce frowned. "I don't feel comfortable calling you that."
Satan frowned. "Oh. How about Lucifer?"
Joyce shook her head. "No. I could call you Luci, though."
Satan scrunched up her nose in disgust to that as Buffy entered. "Naw. That sounds too girly. How about the Evil One? You can call me Evil for short."
Joyce shook her head again. "That's almost as bad as Satan."
"Beelsebub?" Satan looked at Joyce in a somewhat pleading way.
Joyce just shook her head.
Satan sighed. "You can call me Bub for short, then?"
Joyce sighed. "What's wrong with your own name? What's wrong with Tiffany?"
Satan blinked. "'What's wrong with . . . " She breathed in deeply and let out her name with an incredible amount of disdain. "Tiffany?' Well, first off, I know numerous Tiffanys. Second, I don't look like a Tiffany. Thirdly, it sounds snobby, like -- " She cut herself off. She had almost said it sounded snobby like Buffy sounded. Instead, she finished with, "Like so many other names." She looked down, mentally reprimanding herself. She was usually good with controlling the things she said. She had come incredibly close to saying something she could have paid dearly for.
Joyce smiled. "How about I call you Chris."
Satan smiled. A compromise. "Sure. Sounds cool."
Joyce nodded. "Good. See? That wasn't so bad. I'm just glad you're middle name is Christine."
Satan shuddered a bit when her middle name was mentioned. "Yeah."
Joyce turned to Giles. "Thank you for picking her up for me."
Giles shook his head. "It's really no problem."
The phone began to ring in the living room. Joyce got up. "I'll get that." She left the room.
Buffy took her mother's seat. "So, Chris, -- "
"It's Satan."
Buffy frowned. "But I thought you said we could call you Chris."
Satan chuckled. It was a hideous, horrofying sound. "No. You're mom can call me Chris. You guys must call me Satan."
Xander blinked. "What?? Wait a minute! If you -- " He was interupted from a stare by Satan. He was already terrified of her. He tried to smile.
Satan sighed. "Buffy's mother calling me Satan would be like my own mother calling me that. I doubted that would ever actually happen. I wasn't about to get into a fight with the person who is going to be responsible for sheltering and feeding me for the next two and a half months. That's just plain stupid."
Buffy frowned. "But you were willing to fight with us for your nickname?"
Satan gave another ghastly chuckle. "Come on! Did you guys argue with me? Of course not. And, the minute I saw you guys, I knew you wouldn't. Joyce is different, though. She's a mother. She's used to dealing with unruly teenagers."
"Are you saying I'm unruly?"
Satan shook her head. "I think I used the wrong word. Let me rephrase that. 'She's used to dealing with teenagers.' How's that?"
Buffy frowned again. "Better, I guess."
Satan smiled. "Cool. You get us some milk, Buffy?"
"Milk?"
Xander mumbled something about Satan, demonic rituals, and milk. Unlike everyone else at the table, Satan had heard exactly what he had said. She grinned at him again, which made him shudder. Satan turned back to Buffy. "To drink with the cookies. Duh."
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