Patty
It had been a long day. People needed to regroup. They needed to sleep and Heal. But soon they'd be on the road again and there were a lot of plans to be made. Tension in the inn was extraordinarily high, especially after Lia returned with Tamane. Patty could feel the muscles in her shoulders and neck bunching tighter and tighter. It was the beginning of a wonderful migraine headache.
Patty left the common room with the intention of catching a nap. She made her way quietly down the hall toward her room. The voices carrying up from the room below were quiet and soothing in a way. Patty didn't bother flicking on the light when she entered the room. She just kicked off her shoes and fell onto the bed. For a moment she just lay there, relaxing.
**If I'm really gonna take a nap, I ought to get under the covers instead of falling asleep like this.**
Without opening her eyes, Patty rolled over to the right, yanked up the covers and wormed her way underneath. She tried to stretch out, and met some resistance. With a grunt, Patty tried to force her legs down to the bottom of the bed, but the sheet wouldn't give. With a final hiss of annoyance, Patty opened her eye to investigate the problem.
**What the hell?** Patty was still fumbling around in the dark trying to figure out what demented maid had managed to muck up her bed so much. She channeled a small ball of fire to light the room. When she pulled back the top covers she fianlly realized the source of the problem. The bed had been short-sheeted! Outloud Patty muttered, "Who would..?" And that's when the mirror caught her eye.
There in silver lipstick was a smiely-face, neatly identifying the culprit. Patty started to giggle. **Of all the silly, immature things...* She stifled a guffaw. **Just like a novice...** The guffaw grew into a full belly laugh, and for a few minutes Patty laughed herself out, enjoying the joke and thinking back to better times. **It'd sserve Lia right if I went dow there and assigned her some chores...** The mental image of Lia scrubbing toilets sent Patty into gales of laughter again.
It took Patty longer than she thought to compose herself. Just when she thought she was ready to go down there and ream Lia out, she'd start to laugh again and knew she'd never be able to pull it off. She never was as good an actress as some of the other Ayende; that's why she'd gone into writing instead of stage performance. She finally gave up the idea of trying to make Lia believe she was really mad, and decided to just let her know she'd gotten the joke.
Patty walked out into the hallway. She could hear footfalls on the floor behind her. She turned to see Jen following her. Jen caught up as Patty reached the landing. "Umm...Patty, I need to speak with you a minute."
At the end of the hallway was a small private balcony. Patty signaled Jen to join her there. Patty squashed a small inward sigh as Jen settled herself on a chair waiting for Patty to sit as well; she just knew Jen would want to talk about PT stuff and honestly, Patty just didn't want to deal right now. The laugh Lia had provided had made her feel better, but seeing Jen turned Patty all inside out again. Her emotions were tumbling and tangling all around themselves.
***I'm so happy to have her back, I really am. Thank the Light she's not dead...or worse! But...what I'm feeling from Moonlight Dancing and what Lia said about how she was in the Tower...And I know I've been grumbling about being in charge...but am I really comfortable taking orders from her again?
Not that things always have to be done my way...but do I want to do them *her* way? Is she really well...can I put the lives of these people back in her hands?***
Patty sighed again, but this time aloud. Jen caught it and smiled slightly. "I won't keep you long...Patty" ***Why does she keep hesitating when she calls me by name?***
Jen turned slightly and looked out over the city. "I've been thinking about our next move. We certainly can't stay here, not with the Aes Sedai looking for me...looking for all of us." She turned back to Patty; her tone changed from one of casual discussion to one of someone used to giving orders. "We'll be leaving for Shadar Logoth in the morning."
"What?!?" escaped from Patty's lips before she could stop herself. Patty stared at Jen incredulously. **She really had lost her mind...** "You can't be serious..."
Jen turned a cold look on Patty and cut her off. **For the love of the Light, she looks just like an Aes Sedai when she does that.** "The decision has been made. I didn't tell you so we could discuss it, I just thought you should be informed."
Shock turned to anger as Jen's words started to sink in. Patty stood, effectively blocking any sort of dignified exit on Jen's part. She stared down at her friend in anger. Jen, knowing very well the power of positioning on stage, stood as well with a cold, detached look for her friend.
"You thought I should be informed?!" Patty's voice dropped to an angry whisper instead of increasing in volume. "Informed?! What about consulted with? What about Kaitlyn and Vree and the other Ayende, have they been *informed* too? Things have been changing Jen while you were gone, but they haven't changed that much in your absence. This is not the way we do things."
Jen drew herself up to her full height not backing down an inch in the face of Patty's fury. "This is the way *I* do things. Am I not "Lai an Cuebiyar"? Do you not follow what I say? I have decided that the best thing for us all will be to go to a place where no Aes Sedai would think to look for us. If you choose not to join us there, you will be replaced."
Jen pushed Patty aside as she walked off the balcony and back down toward the common room. Patty was too stunned and angry to move. **Choose to join them?! Be Replaced!! Who in the Light does she think that she is?!** In spite of sendings of ~~calm~~ and ~~control~~ from Moonlight Dancing,
Patty could just not let Jen have the last word on this. She turned on her heel and stalked down the stairs looking for Jen.
Liam
Liam sat by the fireplace in the inn's common room. It was an archaic piece of architecture, but it was still functional and gave the room a homey feel. It was comforting, and they all were in need of some comfort. The mood in the inn was definitely strained. Patty didn't look well; she looked drawn and tired. Why that was a surprise to Liam he didn't know.
They'd all been pushing themselves like crazy, and the events of these past few days were small potatoes compared to all they been through in getting to Tear. First Vree and Tamane found Kelly and Nyna, but Kelly'd burned herself out. That sent Patty over the edge and she'd run in here earlier screaming for Kaitlyn. Then Kait had Healed Kelly, but Lia was outside throwing lightning bolts around. So Patty ran outside to stop her, and by some miracle she did. Then Lia Gated away, and almost simultaneously Jen arrived.
Having Jen back created mixed feelings in Liam, and he couldn't understand why. One part of him was really glad to have her back. She was safe! She was home! (or at least as home as she was going to be at this point.) But there was an uncertainty in the back of his mind that he tried to, but couldn't ignore. Something that warned him to look for changes in her. Liam didn't *want* to see any changes in Jen, because then he might have to acknowledge the changes in himself.
On the road it hadn't been so bad. They'd washed up the best they could wherever they stopped along the road. But since they'd landed in Tear, they needed to look more presentable. Liam was suprised and pleased when he discovered that he needed a shave. Agelmar, who'd developed a friendly relationship with the boy, was equally pleased and helped him gather the necessary supplies for shaving.
So it was when he was shaving that Liam first noticed the change. His eyes. They were the wrong color...or at least, not the same color they were when he started out for Tear. They were no longer uniformly brown...there were golden flecks working their way into his irises. At first he tried to pretend he didn't see them. But he knew they were real and the implications frightened him.
He briefly considered running away. But where to run to? He got the feeling that he'd never outrun his fate no matter how hard he resisted it. Liam tried to ignore all the signs that he was changing...right down to ignoring his uneasy feelings about Jen. It made him angry that these thoughts in his head were not his own. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?
Liam noticed Patty leave the common room. He wished he could talk to her about this. But talking to her would be admitting there was something to discuss, so he didn't approach her. Tamane and Lia also seemed to notice Patty's exit. There was some giggling and chuckling from them. A short while later came sounds of laughter from above. Liam looked up to the ceiling trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. Whoever it was sure seemed to be enjoying themselves.
The sound of the laughter seemed to have some sort of effect on the room below. People heard the laughing and began to smile. The chatting took on a lighter tone as those in the room tried to figure out the joke. Lia and Tamane had self-satisfied grins on their faces. Liam could almost feel the tension in the room ease.
Then Jen came down the stairs carrying herself like a queen. And about half a minute later, Patty followed with her face like a stormcloud. **This can't be good.** Liam thought to himself. He'd never seen the Anima display anger to this degree. She looked ready to kill. Liam couldn't imagine Mom and Patty having a row right here in front of everyone...but it looked like that was what was about to happen.
Jen
She shook her head. The various members of the PT had assembled outside the Broken Harp, yes, and ready--it appeared--to listen to whatever it was she had to say. She was about to thank them for coming ... no, she didn't have to do that. She was in charge of them. This was *her* group and it didn't matter. Etiquette had no place here. "As you may or may not have heard, we are leaving Tear. There are Aes Sedai here who would have our heads on pikes if they were allowed the opportunity." /And Tsyi? Her head *is* on a pike already. No, it isn't. Not yet. But it's as good as there. It's sick that the WT has to murder their own kind./ She continued, talking over her own fleeting thought. "As for where we are to go, we will be heading for Shadar Logoth as soon as night falls."
Instantly the group erupted in a sea of deprication. She'd expected as much. Jen--as she was--waited as the chaos died down. "Hear me out," she called over the cacophony of voices. "The White Tower would *never* go there, even if they knew we were there. They would finally leave us *be*! Besides," she added, "my mind cannot be changed. We will leave in the same way we came--we can't Gate there without someone noticing." She turned to Liquid, reclining in a shadowy corner nearby and spoke over disdainful grumbles of those collected. "Sredny, you have more knowledge of these things. Can you give us some knowledge of Shadar Logoth?"
The gholam spouted facts like an encyclopedia, albeit one a little *too* familiar with his subject. It was nothing Jen didn't already know, though it was bound to frighten--or just downright scare--some of the Nila and Stude. Hell, it'd even scare some Ayenda! But that was nothing to be worried about.
After Sredny's speech, Jen departed.
She was on her way upstairs when the omnipresent thought of Silver-Lia--the Bond still angered both of them!--was suddenly gone from her mind ... it just vanished. /Thank the Light,/ she thought. /If I had to be Bonded to that psychopath for one more moment.../ Sighing relief, she continued upstairs. She caught a figure with Lycanthrope-Patty's height and build disappear around a corner--she followed. The Anima had not been present at the meeting. Why not? It was her duty to be there, just as it had for the other Ayenda. She had no special privileges because she carried a fancy title.
"Umm...Patty, I need to speak with you a minute," she said. Her absence at the meeting was not the issue she needed to speak of, but she would not simply let it fade into the background. It would be dealt with later.
Lycanthrope looked exhausted, but that was beside the point. Things needed to be done, and quickly. There was a mission that needed to be carried out. She sighed. At that reaction, Jen fought between arching an eyebrow and smiling softly. The latter won out. Perhaps there was some good in her yet. If so, it had to be dealt with.
"I won't keep you long," Lycanthrope. "Patty." Jen turned on the balcony where the two women stood and looked out over the city of Tear.
"I've been thinking about our next move. We certainly can't stay here, not with the Aes Sedai looking for me...looking for all of us." She turned back to Patty; her tone changed from one of casual discussion to one of someone used to giving orders. "We'll be leaving for Shadar Logoth in the morning."
"What?!?" The word exploded from Lycanthrope's lips like a Taraboner firework. "You can't be serious..."
The icy eyebrow finally won. She turned a cold stare on Lycanthrope--this was the way things were. Things could not be changed. She had to realize that. There was more here than just 'Purple Tower takes a field trip to a Shadow-infested city'. There was so much more. Couldn't she see that? "The decision has been made. I didn't tell you so we could discuss it, I just thought you should be informed."
The ice between them only increased, as, for minutes that seemed like hours, both women only stared at one another. They were of a fairly even height, so neither stood taller than the other, but the staring contest was finally broken when Lycanthrope whispered at her sharply. "You thought I should be informed?! Informed?! What about consulted with? What about Kaitlyn and Vree and the other Ayende, have they been *informed* too? Things have been changing Jen while you were gone, but they haven't changed that much in your absence. This is not the way we do things."
Jen tried to stand taller than her five-and-a-quarter feet. Height, though, would not do the trick, it seemed. She had to resort to her frozen words to convey her point. She didn't want to do this to Patty. She had to do this. This is where they were going. It could not be changed. It was not her decision to make. "This is the way *I* do things. Am I not "Lai an Cuebiyar"? Do you not follow what I say? I have decided that the best thing for us all will be to go to a place where no Aes Sedai would think to look for us." A half-truth. Was Lia right? Was she becoming Aes Sedai herself? "If you choose not to join us there, you will be replaced." No, those weren't her words! What the hell was she saying? She couldn't replace Patty--there was no replacement for her Patty, her Anima, her *friend*...
Furious with herself, she shoved Lycanthrope out of the way and stalked down the stairs. She had nothing to pack; everything she'd brought to Tear was still at the Ramada in the Aes Sedai rooms. Provided, of course, that Dieda Sedai was still there; Tsyi was long dead. /Long dead./
Angry footsteps fell on the steps behind her. /She has the nerve to follow me? I thought she would learn her place!/
/Her place? What am I, a fascist? She's my friend./
/She is Lycanthrope./
/What have I got against her? Nothing. She's suffered much more than I
have; she was stilled--/
/But my Warder died./
Davidson, oh, Davidson ... more than a Warder, more than a friend ... that thought ought to be repressed, but for the first time since his death, salt water found her cheek. Salt water ... *tears* ... She couldn't let anyone see her like this; she was the Cuebiyar, and it would betray her chilled facade. She ducked around the corner and shoved open the door to the ladies' room.
A waitress stood washing her hands before returning to her work outside. /Go away,/ she willed. /Go./ Surprisingly, she left, though no thanks due to Jen's mental commands. Was there? She shrugged the event off and stood there staring in the mirror at her tear-stained face ... and her Tear-stained heart, reflected in her deep black eyes. "Who am I?" she asked her reflection. "Who am I?"
/Tsyi./
What the ...? "Tsyi is *dead*!" she shouted.
/Elisabeth./
Who in bloody hell was Elisabeth? "Go away!" she cried, hoping that the trick she'd used on the waitress would work on ... whatever it was.
/I am you./
Good Lord!
/I am you. I am you. I am you. I am you. I am you./ Over and over and over and so thoroughly unyielding. /I am you. I am you. I am you. I am you./ It drove her mad. /I am you. I am you. I am you. I am you./ Shatter-- /I am you./ Break it-- /I am you. I am you./ Shatter-- /I am--/
The glass in the mirror exploded, cracks rippling through its formerly calm surface like spiderwebs. Shards of silver lay at her feet and on the sink. The tears still stained her face. And she knew it was not Tear that stained her heart; it was much, much blacker.
/Not black. Red./
And looking at her fractured reflection, the reminder so inflicted on her face was visible again, emblazoned scarlet across her forehead and cheekbone like a banner. Like a banner. The mark of--of what, she didn't know. But it sickened her, it repulsed her. She relished it, so deliciously tainted.
She reeled, certain her face was pale, feeling the acids and bile rise in her throat. She tried to swallow, found it hard, and the digestive juices flowed in a wonderful backwards peristalsis.
Of course, she missed the sink. The vomit--what else was one to call it?--collected in a pool on the blue tile of the washroom floor around broken pieces of mirror. The sight of it made her queasy, but as the contents of her stomach were on the floor, one could not expect anything more to come up. She hadn't eaten in a while; there was nothing left in her guts. Eyes pained and wet, she looked up in what was left of the mirror, hoping that it was gone. The red mark still marred her face. What the hell was it?
/A reminder./
The door swung open, slamming in a violent force against the wall. Looking up from her sick and hunched position, Jen saw Patty standing tall and angry in the doorway, ready to scream and yell if need be.
Patty
Patty followed where Jen had led, anger overcoming reason. She didn't catch her on the stairs; she could see Jen walking through the big room and toward a back hallway. Patty stalked through the room after her. In a way, Patty was glad Jen had kept going, the last thing they'd need would be a big scene in front of everyone.
Jen ghosted into a restroom. Patty took her time working her way across the room. Attempting to give herself time to calm down, to find her voice, to listen to reason. It didn't work. When she got to the restroom, she hit the door with full force.
Even through her anger, the stench of vomit assailed her nostrils. It gave her pause. Jen looked miserable. There was broken glass and vomit all over the floor surrounding the sink. For the first time Patty noticed a livid mark running from Jen's forehead down to her cheek. It was blood red, and Patty thought she might have cut herself on the glass.
Patty fought her first impulse to go to her friend; instead she hung on to her anger. **Inform me?! Replace me!?** Staying angry wasn't as hard as she thought.
"Who do the hell do you think you are, Jen? Walking around here like the Bloody Queen of Andor!" Patty stalked further into the room letting the door fall shut behind her. She made no move to help Jen up off the floor.
"You think you can just waltz back in her after being gone for months ....MONTHS, Jen! My sole focus has been to keep this Tower together..to keep everyone safe. It's no thanks to you that we made it this far. And now you think you can just decide to pack us off to the most dangerous place on the continent??!"
Patty just couldn't seem to stop herself. She was exhausted and angry and not willing to censor what she was feeling anymore. She needed to vent and Jen was the most convenient target.
"And if I choose not to join you..." Patty's voice rose in anger and disbelief "...I will be REPLACED?!" For a moment Patty ran out of words because she was so disgusted. She finally reached out for Jen who had no response as of yet. She pulled Jen to her feet unminding of the mess on the floor or on the woman. Her voice dropped down to a deadly whisper as she put her face just a breath away from Jen's. "Don't think you can get rid of me that easily..."
Jen
"Who do the hell do you think you are, Jen? Walking around here like the Bloody Queen of Andor!" Patty stalked further into the room letting the door fall shut behind her. She made no move to help Jen up off the floor.
She could only look up feebly. The tears yet stung her eyes but they did not fall.
"You think you can just waltz back in her after being gone for months ....MONTHS, Jen! My sole focus has been to keep this Tower together..to keep everyone safe. It's no thanks to you that we made it this far. And now you think you can just decide to pack us off to the most dangerous place on the continent??! And if I choose not to join you..." Patty's voice rose in anger and disbelief "...I will be REPLACED?!" Patty spoke no more words, it was as though her well had run dry. After lingering moments, a hand reached down to help her up, though it was clearly not out of friendship. It was ... confusing.... Her voice dropped down to a deadly whisper as she put her face just a breath away from Jen's. "Don't think you can get rid of me that easily..."
Get rid of her? She didn't want to get rid of her. She didn't want ... "Patty ... I don't want to get rid of you." For the first time, her own words escaped her lips, and her face burned like fire. A reminder. Why couldn't she be herself anymore?
She was not herself. She was ... different. "I -- there are -- I'm not..." The words would not come, her own words were blocked by--not the lump rising in her throat, but some sort of ... she was cut off by another thought that wasn't hers and still was hers. "We have to go to Shadar Logoth," she said, regaining her composure ... regaining someone else's composure.
"There is -- I have a missio--"
Burning. Pain. Red hot beneath her cheek, searing the blood beneath her face. She had to keep talking no matter what. This was her friend. This was Patty. Not -- not Lycanthrope.
YOU LIVE. YOU SERVE! For the first time the command was punctuated by an exclamation mark. An invisible force blocked her vision as she was flung across the room by an unseen hand. Serve? What a ludicrous idea. Pain returned, fire, everything just -- to remind her. "It's so dark ..." Her voice was not ... it was not ... it squeaked, barely passing past her lips. "I cannot serve it ..." A whisper.
The pain flared far beyond any fire she'd ever felt, coming as close to or possibly equivalent to the crimson fire that had consumed her. She heard a scream and it was moments before she realized it was her own.
Patty
"Don't think you can get rid of me that easily..."
"Patty ... I don't want to get rid of you." For the first time that night Jen actually sounded like her old self. Patty took a half-step back, not releasing her grip, but ready to listen.
"I -- there are -- I'm not ..." Mentally Patty urged Jen to just spit out whatever it was she was trying to say. She got the feeling it was of vital importance and she willed Jen to win whatever internal struggle she was having. Then the Queen-voice won. "We have to go to Shadar Logoth," she said, regaining her composure .
Right on the heels of that statement, she seemed to return to her Jen- voice. "There is -- I have a missio--"
An unseen force wrenched Jen out of Patty's grasp. Patty gasped as Jen hit the far wall with tremendous impact. "What the hell...?" Her shock and surprise reached Moonlight Dancing who gave a mental growl at the images she shared with Patty.
Jen was babbling, leaning drunkenly against the wall. She wasn't making sense. "It's so dark ..." Her voice squeaked, barely passing past her lips. "I cannot serve it ..." A whisper.
Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She hadn't flung Jen against the wall, and there was no one channeling nearby...so what force was working here? Patty could feel her anger ebb as concern for her friend came into play. She knelt down next to Jen and reached for her shoulder when Jen began to scream.
Startled, Patty flinched back. ~~I come! I come!~~
Patty had heard screaming like this once before...it was her own screams at the hands of Mayadi. She got the feeling of something much deeper at work within Jen and it frightened her. On some level she could hear the comotion in the common room - people drawn here by Jen's screams. But Moonlight
Dancing beat all the humans to the door. She bound into the bathroom and skidded to a halt by the kneeling Patty and the screaming Jen.
Kait, and suprisingly Liam, were the next two to arrive. Kait quickly ordered Liam to block the door as she made her way further into the room. One of the Ayende, having seen Kait already go in, tried to get the unnecessary people away from the bathroom. But a number of Nila and Studè had seen the mess the bathroom was in, and heard the unholy screams from Jen. They were concerned and wouldn't leave.
Patty turned confused to Kait, "I have no idea what's going on here, Kait..." Jen's screaming hadn't ceased, and it tore at Patty's soul. Confused images rolled off Moonlight Dancing. She felt like she had when Jen first returned - she could ~feel~ the changes in Jen, but she couldn't explain it to the humans.
Patty tried to make sense of the emotions rollling off the wolf, and it seemed Kait and Liam were getting a taste of them too. "I don't know what to do for her, Kait." Patty looked helplessly at Jen.
Suddenly the screaming stopped. The silence was welcome, but eerie. Patty, Kait, Moonlight Dancing and Liam turned expectantly to Jen.