Joe's Candy Crusade!
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This is the home base of my candy crusade. Currently we are crusading for two glorious candies. The second candy on my crusade list is the fabled tan M&M... it has been a long time since M&Ms included tan, and I certainly miss it. I decided to expand my horizens and put cereal on the candy crusade. I'll just lump all of my cereal rants under one crusade heading. Many cereals are to be included, mostly General Mills, and all have declined in quality since the glorious days of my childhood. I recently discovered that Skittles, a favorite deliciously fruity candy of mine, has gone to the dark side of green and switched to the hideously disgusting flavor known only as... Sour Apple... I will probably add more candies to the crusade if need be. Got a candy that needs a crusade? send the info to [email protected]! |
 Oh how I enjoyed as a child to recieve a pound or so of skittles and make myself sick eating the deliciously fruity chewy candies until there weren't any left in that gigantic bag. Those days are gone. My beloved lime has been overcome by the infectious disease known only as "Sour Apple". Skittles was one of my few safe havens from this plague of lime destruction, and now it would seem I am running out of places to hide. There is only one choice: to stand and fight. The candy companies wil only get it into their apple-addled minds that the sane public wants lime green if we make a stand against their corporate flavor changing oppression. The Apples will fall, I say, and make way for an age of Lime glory, an age free of the rancid odor of rotting apples. Go vote to bring lime back: Skittles.com  To save the pineapple...  Okay heres the story... The people of Nabisco are thinking of removing the delicious flavor of pineapple from their grand candy known as LifeSavers. I seriously dislike this idea, and I have come up with this whole crusade idea entirely for saving this fine flavor. It also seems that the pineapple saviors have already begun, go to LifeSavers2000.com to vote to keep pineapple in as one of the five flavors. So far it seems we are winning, so keep hopeful! Send Questions/Comments about LifeSavers and the removal of pineapple to: LifeSavers Consumer Relations Todd Young, LifeSavers SPI Group Public Relations  Ah, the delicious chocolate flavor of M&Ms... but, wait! Didn't there used to be tan M&Ms? What happened to them anyhow? Remember that big deal they made when they were adding a new color to M&Ms? Well when we got that blue, we got much more than we bargained for. We lost the beloved tan. I hope to spearhead a campaign to bring tan back to M&Ms. I know it can be done, as it was done with red. I do not propose the removal of any of the other colors, merely the re-addition of tan. Many of us missed the removal as they did not inform us that they were removing it, and they have brown in there too, so it can get confusing. Well I'm taking the fleece off of my eyes and revealing the coverup. Perhaps we will be able to pull together and bring tan back to it's original glory. As of now i cannot find an actual e-mail address to comment to M&Ms, so for now just submit comments about bringing tan back here: M&Ms Questions/Comments  Ah, the good old days of sitting at the kitchen table with a box of sugar enriched cereal, looking at whatever was fun on the back of the particular box I was eating out of at the time. Seeing the vivid images on the cereal boxes today brings me back to those days, but in some cases what I find nowadays disappoints me. Cinnamon Toast Crunch - I have a very serious concern for cinnamon toast crunch. First off(and least important, I might add), it was far better before they started messing with putting shapes of cinnamon on the little toasts. Lightning bolts and swirls don't impress me, fella's. The second thing is the more disturbing of the two... It seems while nobody was looking, they killed off two of the bakers that made the delicious cereal, I believe this is around the time that the strange cinnamon shapes on the toasts started to appear... My theory is that Wendel(the remaining baker) wanted to put shapes on the toasts as a marketing ploy... when the other two bakers refused, knowing all too well that it would lower the quality of the product itself, Wendel decided to take matters into his own hands... Trix - Sweet fruity trix... Trix was my favorite cereal as a child, and for good reason, they were insanely sweet tasting and delicious. Something that has always disturbed me about the cereal is the fact that it encourages children to taunt people. The children on the commercials are always taunting the rabbit with their sweet fruity Trix, but they never ever let him eat any(which raises another question: how did the rabbit know they were good to begin with if noone ever let him have any? I know he had some at one point, but before that how was he to know they were so sweet and fruity? Is the rabbit truely so reliant on ads and sales persons that he would base his entire life on obtaining a cereal which he had never even tasted before? I think the children gave him a sample to begin with, to get him "hooked" then he couldnt pay when they jacked up the price, so they've taunted him with it ever since). My primary concern at this point, however, deals with the shape and flavor of Trix currently. I remember when they changed Trix from the delicious little spheres packed with flavor to the shapes of death that jabbed the roof of your mouth. The first shapes were terrible. The lemons were "curls" which turned out merely to be double ended spikes. The current shapes aren't nearly as dangerous, but they still aren't as safe as the harmless sphere. The flavor of trix declined when they decided they would make Trix have more "vivid" colors. My theory is that the food coloring they use has some sort of chemical that reacts with the fruit flavoring, causing it to decline in sweet fruity goodness... this leads me to believe that Trix, if completely uncolored, would cause you to overdose on sweet fruity goodness. In short, put Trix back the way they used to be. Lucky Charms - ah, that infernal Lucky was always trying to keep the children from enjoying his delicious magical marshmallows, but they could always persevere. However, the marshmallows have changed over the years... many of the changes were very temporary(like rainbow whales), but many were more permanent(like red balloons). The biggest mistake General Mills ever made with Lucky Charms was when they changed the colors of several marshmallows. Blue moons just arent the same as yellow(especially considering there is no TRUE yellow marshmallow any more... the lame additions[ie. pots of gold] don't count)... I say we put the marshmallows all back to what they were in the late eighties... just before they added red balloons. The Berry Catastrophy - Fruity pebbles, fruit loops, and several others... they all include "berry" flavours. Remember when they didn't? I remember an age of glory when no fruity delicious cereal contained any sort of berry flavour, and I loved it. Heres how it went: Post decided to make their Fruity Pebbles more popular probably as a result of the fact that sweet fruity trix were better than they were at the time(before the dark age..), they added a new flavour, which no other cereal(save Boo Berry, but Boo Berry is a whole other story...) contained. That flavour was known as "Berry Blue" this berry was intoxicatingly berryish, and overwhelmed all the other flavours in Fruity Pebbles, tainting them forever. As a result of this ploy by Fruity pebbles, several other deliciously fruity cereals followed suit, one of the more interesting being Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops decided that it would be more original than the other copycats in its "Berry Purple" rather than blue, and when that seemed not to attract the popularity the blues had been attracting, ALSO added a berry blue... Fruit Loops are now utterly inedible to me as a result of berry overpopulation. Why did we have to switch to a berry infested cereal market? I hope to see the day when the once Fruity and Delicious cereals will return to their lost non-berry glory. |
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Note: I am in no way affiliated with Nabisco, or Mars Inc.
I am merely a fan of their products who would like a little more.
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