I made this bad boy all boy myself. If you have got anything to say, whether you like my devotion to the best damn races that were ever dreamt up, or you think I amm an idiot for wasting my time with the two most useless garbage pickers and should do straight to hell, than email me, my name is Kevin, at [email protected]. Oh yeah, suggestions and submissions to fatten this book up would be cool, too.

This web book is dedicated to TSR: thanks for always selling overpriced junk to naive gamers who, if your books taught them how to truly role-play, could have written those same books themselves gotten the satisfaction of writing and thinking without someone else doing it for them. Along with friends and other people either online or through a local hobby store, they could trade this information they wrote and never have to buy a TSR product unless it was truly of high quality, which most of the ones they present are not. Entire campaign worlds could be created, with new races and classes, and with rules that suit the group. Oh, yeah, this is happening. Sorry big guys at TSR, soon they will be writing their own game systems.....

Intro-

This text`s job is not to bash the geniuses at TSR, it is instead made to write about the culture, religion, and everything else about the greenskins. Oh course everything in this text is meant for my style of campaigning and may not fit yours, so talk to the DM your playing with. Also, having all greenskins share these customs would be dumb. They are as varied as any other race and greenskins from other lands obviously have different gods and views. Lastly, this book is for fun, and if anyone at TSR is reading it, I am just chopping cause of your system is actually pretty good, I just do not like the way you have taught your players.

Orcs and Goblins in Game Terms

If you want to use the green ones as PCs, here's what I've got for you.

Orc- Orcs are musclebound and get a +2 Strength. If this raises your strength above 18, than the character goes up one exceptional strength category for each plus. This can give non-fighters exceptional strength. If the charcter has 18/96-00, then the character gets 19 strength, never 20. Orcs cannot bench as much as stone giant. Orcs also get a +1 to Con for there stubborn refusal to die.

On the bad side, orcs are rude and ugly, a -1 charisma is in effect. Also, they got smacked up by the stupid stick , so get a -2 intelligence.

All orcs get the following abilities.

Orcs have infravision of up to 60 feet, just like anyone elses infravision.

Orcs have tough skin, that gives them a natural AC of 9.

Orcs are 50% immune to mind bases attacks, as there brain is built differently than other humanoids. It is just plain harder to navigate an orcs mind as it is built in such a way that makes all thought clutter and get lost. Charm is not mind based, but confusion and telepathy is.

If an orc is naked with his equipment out of sight, his bodily colors blend in with foliage extremely well and he gets a 35% chance of being treated as if hiding in shadows. If a thief is in the same position, he gets a 60% chance of being able to hide.

Orcs have sensitive eyes and get a -1 to all rolls involving perception or thinking when in bright, i.e., direct sun light, a continual light spell. When in a forest this does not count, or any other situation where the orc has some shade. Yes, attack rolls involve perception.

Orcs can break anything. Orcs get a +2 when opening doors. Items get a -2 to their saving throws when an orc tries to break it.

Orcs automatically fail any charisma roll involving elves or dwarves.

You most roll wisdom to avoid breaking a law or breaking something that looks precarious. This includes kobolds.

Orcs are extremely good at breaking things, but extremely bad at building things, they just don't know it. When using a proficiency that involving making something (brewing, weaponsmithing, set snares, etc.) they must pass the check twice. Any orc made weapon will break 20% of the time, if its user rolls a 20.

Their are two main varieties of orc, Gorthian and Murderous, each of which get different other abilities.

If a Gorthian orc a) is alone, b) under his tribes banner, or c) with a Priest(ess) of Gorth, he may scream "GORTH!!!!!" and raise his morale and attack rolls by one each.

A Gorthian orc can reroll any die roll that would effect his ability to cause the spreading of Gorth once per day. No, you can?t reroll a failed saving vs. poison.

A Gorthian orc losses these powers when he spends a day without spreading any Gorth. He can regain them by doing a deed for Gorth tenfold of what he normally would need to. He suffers from the Murderous orcs bad luck twice per day until he does.

A Murderous orc gains +1 to all attacks rolls with hammers, axes, and clubs.

A Murderous orc can go nuts after one turn of bitter muttering and self pity. While nuts, the orc doubles his number of attacks and adds +1 to his attack roll and +2 to damage. His only action can be to attack the nearest enemy, and if he fails a wisdom check with a +3, than he attacks the nearest person, whoever that may be. He cannot use his dexterity to lower his AC. If his hp is reduced to 0 or less, he attacks for one more round, tips over and dies or goes to deaths door, however you play.

A Murderous orc has bad luck. The DM can force a reroll of a successful roll once per day in a situation where he could have spread Gorth, but doesn't.

A Murderous orc cannot be a Priest(ess) of Gorth and cannot be resurrected, but he can be reincarnated, then polymorphed back into an orc if anyone cares that much about them.

Goblin- Goblins have the quickest hands of any race, except maybe halflings. They get an amazing +2 dex. For thieving skills, add 5% to each of the abilities that get +s from exceptional dexterity for a 20 dexterity character. Also, they are extremely pitiful looking saps and get a +1 to charisma from sheer pity and there ability to manipulate people. They also got a slap from the stupid tree, but not as bad as their big cousins. They get a -1 to intellegence. Also, they are tiny little scrotums in stature, and get a -2 to strength. They can never have exceptional strength. Even with gantlets of ogre strength, they will only have 18 strength.

Goblins are first and for most thieves, and be can them. Although they are not good at it, they can be fighters. Other classes available are bards, assassains, clerics, and invokers. Multiclass options are fighter/thief, fighter/bard, fighter/assassain, and thief/invoker.

Goblin invokers can only cast invocation/evocation, necromancy, and abjuration spells. They are extremely specialized and can always cast magic missle once per day regardless of whether or not they even know the spell or not. Invokers never fail a chance to learn an invocation spell.

Goblins are really small and large creatures get a -2 to hit them. Really large creatures get a -4. Mansized creatures get a -1. Giant sized creatures get a -6.

Goblins get 60 feet of infravison just like any other infravison.

Goblins have sensitive eyes and get a negative -1 to all perception and thinking rolls when in bright light just like orcs.

If an intelligent creature is going to kill a goblin, he may make a charisma roll to beg for his life, modified by the killers wisdom bonus for spells. If the roll succeeds with a one or two, the killer hesitates one round before killing him. If he succeeds with anything else, the killer spares him. If he fails, nothing happens and the killer does whatever was his intent. If he rolls a twenty, the killer hacks the bugger to pieces, getting +2 to hit and damage rolls until the goblin is dead. He ignores more important matters until the dark deed is done.

Goblins cannot use any weapon of large size. Goblins must use all medium sized weapon two handed. Goblins can only use small shields and bucklers. Goblins that take the wrestling can only use it on other goblins, halflings and others of similar size.

Goblins fighters are masters of dirty tactics and only get a -2 on called shots to the legs or groin. Goblins are too short to call shots to the head on man sized or larger creatures. Non-fighters can use this at a -3.

Goblins are candy asses. If they lose 25% of their hp, they will whine and stay in the back ranks, but remain in the fighting. If they go to 50% they will rely on missile weapons or spells, and if they have neither, will defend a dark corner. If they lose 75% of their hp, they will grovel or try to sell out their friends (if they treacherous like that). If tortured they give in as soon as possible.

Goblins get a 25% resistance to mind control, just like the orcs, except weaker, since their thinking is cleaner.

Goblins automatically get the dancing proficiency. Like orcs, though they fail all charisma rolls with elves and dwarves, except when groveling, in which case they get a -2 modifier with a 19 and 20 inciting a berserk.

Thief Modifiers for Goblins and Orcs.

Pick pockets- Goblin+10, Orc -5

Open Locks - Goblin +5, Orc no change

Find/Remove traps - Goblin -5, Orc +5

Hide in Shadows - Goblins +15, Orcs -5

Move Silently - Goblins +15, Orcs -5

Detect Noise - Goblins +10, Orcs -5

Climb walls - Goblins -15, Orcs no change

Read languages - Goblins -5, Orcs -10

Height/Weight ranges- Orcs tend to weigh between 180 and 240 lbs, goblins between 40 and 60 lbs. Orcs are on average 5'10"-6'8", goblins 2'8"-3'6".

Gorthian orcs have access to a special class called the Priest of Gorth. Unlike clerics, Priests of Gorth are not granted spells by a diety as they have no god. Instead, there intense training and understanding of the Gorth allows them to bend it much farther than the normal Gorthian orc.

A Priest of Gorth is a subclass of Priest. They gain hp, THAC0, and levels at the same rate as a cleric. The requirements to be a Priest of Gorth are 10 charisma, 12 strength, and 14 wisdom.

The only weapon that a Priest of Gorth can ever use is the beating stick. This weapon weighs 7 pounds, is blunt, has a speed of 6 and does 1d6+1/1d6 damage. Resembling a kendo stick, it is made out of cast iron. The primary purpose of this weapon is break things. People, statues, and doors are all likely targets for the beating stick. It also serves as a symbol of the priest's station and a punishment for those who are bad. Priests of Gorth do not get weapon proficanies. Instead they are automatically proficient in the beating stick and get a +1 to hit and damage.

Being very well attuned to the Gorth, a priest can use their power to create great sums of entropy. This power takes some focus to control the chaotic Gorth long enough to make it break down its target.

The priest needs to concentrated for a round before she can do these things. Also, she may only use these powers when it is approproiate and will help the Gorth in the short or long term. Other things besides those mentioned can be destroyed. The items given are guidelines to the strength of each levels power. The Priest does not need to actually hammer at the object, all that is required is the touch of the beating stick.

Magic items are not destroyed in this manner, the item is instead flung away (if possible) by the power of the Gorth. In the case of armor, anyone in the object is also flung.

The priest can destroy an object depending on how complecated it is. Simple objects are harder to break than complex one where five thousand things can go wrong. There is no simple scale that decides at what level the priest can break what object. It can be assumed that anything invented by a young gnome can be destroyed by any priest, while no priest would be able to break a quarterstaff. The DM should decide randomly whether or not the priest can destroy an object, as the Gorth is chaotic in nature. The probability of success should be greater for higher level priests and more complicated objects. The DM need not make a system, as that would decrease the wild nature of the Gorth

Gorthian Orcs revere the Priests of Gorth. Any priests get a +3 reaction bonus when dealing with a Gorthian Orcs.

In Gorthian society, Priests of Gorth handle many important functions. They act as the law in most villages and are also embassadors and translators. Unofficially, they are also sought out by orcs of the tribe for advice. Lastly, Priests of Gorth fill the role of the shaman that is missing from Gorthian society.

What is Gorth?

Gorth is the most important concept in greenskin religion. Not simply a ritual or a god, Gorth is the basis to all of existence. Gorth is an abstract theory that many human scholars could ponder for years, but orcs readily accept. It guides the lives of Gorthian orcs and causes the inevitable downfall of murderous orcs. Not being tangible, Gorth cannot detected by any of the five senses and most people live there entire lives without ever noticing its existance. This is an advanced philosophical concept that many wonder why orcs, being a very dumb race, are able to understand at all, never mind create.

Gorth is an explanation for the way the tides of the universe flow. Rivers follow their paths due to gravity. What decides the twists and turns the winding path called life? No mortal power controls this, in fact no godly power controls this. What the determines the events that surround the lives of the gods? If the gods themselves did, then their lives would be perfect as well as completely boring. The events of everything mortal, godly, and even inanimate must have their flow controlled by something.

A river, though, is controlled by more than gravity. Erosion, the wind and earthquakes cause the flow the flow of the river to deviate from its course. These things are unforeseen and seemingly random. These things are what the Gorth is made of.

The greenskins have no name for the path of the river except life. The shifts and chaotic swerves are romantic to blood red eyes. It is what orcs can believe in: uncertainty. As they are a race who is constantly in the wilds and at war with other races, they believe that these dips and turns have favored the race as they remain one of the premier races of the known world, gleefully owning tons of the lands in the wilds and pressing kobolds to the point of extinction. There devotion and praising of the Gorth is much like a druid praising of nature. Although they do not gain spells they gain the Gorth's blessing, or at least that is what they believe.

The Gorth is only a concept and cannot grant powers. The abilities that orcs gain and lose by choosing to believe or reject the Gorth are all in there mind. The raised confidence allows the orc to "force of will" his way through bad situations and give him confidence in dark times. The murderous orcs lose confidence as they think they are damned to failure, will psychosomatically help bring about that fate.

Goblins do not truly believe in the Gorth as a whole and are too smart to be affected by it psychologically. With a few exceptions they pretend to believe in the Gorth to get on the good side of the bigger orcs. Goblins will live Gorthian culture and even yell the stupid battle cry, but aren't believers. They have a small pantheon of gods who tend to be different from tribe to tribe. These gods are not usually actual dieties, but instead legendary goblins of the tribe or idols.

Culture

Orcs are, when compared to humans, dwarves and elves, an uncivilized and barbaric race. They are bad architects, bad miners, and bad carpenters. Being hardy and not needing much to keep warm, usually build simple tents from skins of the animals they hunt and clothing from their hides or furs depending on the weather/climate. Males will either ware just a loincloth or loincloth and tabard with their tribes insignia embroidered onto it in warm weather. In cold weather they wear fur pants and the same tabard, except under it is a fur sweater. This tabard is an important thing to all orcish males. In the eyes of Gorthian orcs, it shows their devotion to all who behold them. Also, it shows people that they are not mere murderous orcs, though the average human has no clue the difference anyway. Murderous orcs love the tabbards, because they show off their big muscles and help intimidate everyone. In both cases, it is customary that a young orc's first tabard be stained with his own blood before it is worn. The orc can never have another tabard made for him or buy another. If his gets lost or is destroyed he most take someone else's. Whether that tabard belongs to the king of the largest empire on the continent or the tough guy at the local gym means nothing. It simply must belong to a male and be worn by him. The symbols of the tribe must be written in blood over the old symbol of the stolen tabbard. Some great tabards have been passed down the generations, the fronts of these tabards being an indescribable mess of overlapping insigia, but a symbol of great status among orcs.

Women are not treated as equals in orc society, but do carry a greater importance than to simply bear and raise children. They serve in the orcish armies, act as priestesses and do tribal work. In fact they do a lot of the work. Male orcs are sinfully lazy. They are egotistical and stubborn, but have very little tolerance for grunt work. Male murderous orcs like to kill, pillage and screw, but really hate to do much else. Male gorthian orcs crusade for their faith and defend their homelands, but refuse to cook dinner. The women get this role, and take it only because if they did not they would starve.

The females wear leather halters and skirts in the warm weather and furs in the winter. They have no strange traditions and are not allowed to wear tabards. They are physically equal to male orcs and have a stronger drive for success, as they are used by their male counterparts. They less rarely adventure as they are needed at home badly.

Murderous orcs are very territorial and are always interested in expanding their lands at any opportunity. No borderline can last forever and they will find ways to cross, slash and move the provinces of others in their favor. Orcs are not at all nomadic and will not move a camp until they are snuffed out of existence. A typical orcish territory will be made up of a number of camps distributed over the area of the territory. When a camp has a significant population behind it, a leader will move some members from that camp to build another.

The political structure of these settlements are simple. The biggest toughest orc leads the rest until someone kills him. Whenever that orc is away, the second biggest toughest orc leads. Each camp has its own leader, as murderous orcs have not mastered the technique of leading from afar. In times of war, the camps in a territory band together to stomp out there foe. In times of peace, they fight over who is in charge and nothing but death comes from any orcish election. The nickname murderous orc has a twofold meaning.

Gorthian orcs are chaotically violent, but can manage to not kill everything. In order to ensure that Gorth is followed, they rarely keep settlements larger than a village. They are not as territorial and often get chased out of their lands by adventures seeking bounties as well as by other orcs seeking to expand territory. They are lead by a priest, usually the most devout. The societies economy is usually based on hunting, as most people are afraid to trade with orcs. The orcs in these societies generally leave to chase after the fleeting images of Gorth and head out to adventure in their later years. In many villages, the young orcs cannot leave until they produce two offspring. This is because the orcish death rate outside of Gorthian society is so high, that a village would crumble if its fertile adults kept wandering off. As good as these orcs intend, their methods often including violence and smashing of property get them arrested or worse in civilized society.

While most other races do not want to deal with orcs, most races also fear them, and the orcs can often get decent, farmable land with some natural advantages, ie. A waterway, woods that have animals with furs, etc. Generally these resources are squandered by murderous orcs, gaining the least profit from these bonuses. Gorthian orcs are usually unable to hold onto territory anyway, though there management skills are often no better than there savage brothers.

Goblin culture is one based on manipulation and backstabbing. Each goblin is trying to get themselves out of the rut that the rest of the world has set them in. Being small, green and inheritently evil does not do much for the PR of the goblin race, so even the tallest, kindest, least green goblin will be hassled because of who he is. They do not inspire the same fear that orcs do in the societies of humans and the other strong races, so get left with the crappiest land and least respect.

Goblins believe in the theory that only the living survive. They kill their enemies, potential enemies and get killed by people who believe they kill too often. This strategy would be racial suicide, if it weren't for their humongeous birthrates. A goblin female can bare one to four children at a time, with a gestation period of four months. In a goblin settlement, which could be a mountain cave or a forest camp, there is a constant inflow of new life. They can build numbers quickly, but often have wars with themselves instead of there oppressors, keeping them at the bottom of the racial totempole. Not all of goblins are born evil, but those that are not mean and nasty enough tend to get killed, so it seems like nice goblins are a figment of some idealist poet's imagination.

The only important institution in a goblin settlement is the army. There are no kings and no court: only a general and his troops. Generals change often, as failure is unacceptable, even though it can often be extremely common.

When in the mountains, goblins get kicked around by ogres, trolls and dwarves. In the forests, goblins get beat down by elves, dryads, and bears. In the cities of other races, goblins are beat down by adventurers. No goblin wants to live that life and many become highway men and try to be outlaws. This is very common, and goblin parties will try to raid caravans, adventurers, or anyone else silly enough to travel along the more desolate roads.

Some goblins are more ambitious in there aims, and seek to become adventurers. Usually, they are very dirty fighters and steal commissions from other adventuring parties, either by beating them to the job or by taking the credit for them. These parties never last too long, as the goblins usually end up messing with the wrong party, or fight the dragon they cannpt beat.

Goblin women are rarely ever seen by anyone except a goblin male, as they are a society that oppresses their females. Goblins desperately need more and more people, and with so many babies they need someone to take care of them. So they treat their women as slaves and force them to do all the day labor and raise the kids until army or childbearing years approach.

Goblins dress in whatever they get their hands on. Beggars can?t be choosers and neither can goblins. Whatever they steal or raid is going to be used in one way or another. Armies never have uniforms, but the more important goblins wear the more important looking clothing. Goblins cannot sew and often wear gnomish or halfling clothing. They are also as a whole, bad weaponsmithes and armorers, so they use human weapons such as shortswords or any other weapon. Goblin armies will often rob small communities to get weapons before attacking them the next day.

Quite often goblins use their manipulative skills to gain the trust of orcs. Having the big green ones around allows goblins to sleep safer. Also, it helps to get them out of the rut that they are stuck in, by sharing the bounty that is orcdom. When working with an orcish army, goblins make excellent scouts, spies, assassins, and archers.

Orcs are large beings, very muscular and very tall. They have green skin that ranges from shades of mold to jade, with every color of grass in-between. Usually this skin has a number of warts and bumps on it, giving them a very uneven texture that is a bit unnerving for a weakhearted person to run their hands across. This skin is relatively hard and makes the orcs tougher than most people. Orcish eyes are often pale shades of human eye colors, faint browns are most common, followed by blues, greens, and grays.

Orcish hair color is almost uniformly brown, though orcish hair styling is an amazingly varied thing. Some orcs shave it all off and have their tribes insignia branded into their skull. Others shave all except a ponytail in the back, looking like big green samurai. Another popular look is to leave the hair long and part it to the sides. Some orcs have intricate braids that they redo yearly, taking a whole day to place back in. A few orcs keep the hair different length in different spots, creating a menagerie that they believe exemplifies Gorth.

Almost all orcs have a permanent slouch. This is created by the orcs aversion to sunlight. Always looking away from the sun, their backs have ended up in a noble hunch. This makes them seem shorter than they really are, but it also makes them seem all the more massive. It hinders there athletic ability, so all orcs that ever go on to competitive athletics are raised underground, where they don?t need to shy away from the sun. As such, orcs have a history of chronic lower back problems.

Goblins are a diminutive race with deep green skin. They tend have comical features with big noses and deep dimples. The eyes of a goblin are small and often red, orange, or yellow. Like orcs, they also have dark, thin hair which can vary greatly in its texture, depending on the goblins bathing habits.

Goblin skin tends to feel mushy. It gives way easily and feel soft. No part of there body tends to feel firm, except on the strongest of goblins. There are not to many strong goblins, by the way. The figure of a goblins tends to resemble more of a thief-like one, particularly in the hands. There fingers are long, nimble, and bony, waiting to dart into the nearest pocket.

A goblins body will normally have short legs and a larger torso, making him essentially top-heavy. This makes weak climbing skills, as well as a large target for longswords +2. This is deceptive, though, as the goblins speed makes such openings vanish as quickly as they appear. Also, when rounding sharp corners at high speeds, goblins have a high center of gravity and occasionally tip over.