Chapter One: Part One

Paverk’s¹ Account of Ongorth’s Youth Recorded in Frinnel Prison By Sage Triddion

Me no know who da fada of Ongorth wuz. Maybe i’ was Frit, maybe me, no know. ‘Is mama was a tough women. Real small doe, me could beat ‘er up. Not wit-tout two big holes in me arm doe, that fer sure. Da night, it wuz kinda dark like i’ usually is, and he wuz born like da babies usually are. No-ting spe-cil, ‘cept ‘e wuz a big boy. ‘Urt ‘is mama a lot and she beat ‘em good for dat. She know good ‘ow to raise a boy, but ‘e no stay so long. Too big ta wait, so ‘e get put i’to da army real soon. ‘Is mom, she teach ‘em a lot be-for dat. When ‘e wuz a lil’ one, he was da best spee-ker o’ all o’ dem. I’ dees spiff-e voice ‘e ‘ad. Like a kina profeesinal ting to eet. It seem to be dat ‘e was a ‘lil bit too big in de head. ‘Is mama teach ‘im to use dat ting real good I gueeses. Someone, doe, musta gave ‘im some bad tawts.

‘E knew ‘ow to do a lot of tings real small. ‘Is mama make sho ‘e know ‘ow to ‘andle ‘imselve. When dems bigger guys came over an’ say to ‘im, "Dragon shite, give me yo’ monies," Ongorth took ‘is beatin’ stick and nailed dat guy in de bozangas. Big in de head, ‘is mama taught ‘im a lot. Big in de arms, too, ‘e was a’least 5’4" when ‘e joined de army, an’ ‘e was aroun’ o-lee fort-ee pillages² or so-s? ‘E might ‘ave been one a’ da best war-e-ares in de all time. Me knows ‘e could ‘ave doon great tings.

Ongorth got a good name. It mean skilled follower of the Gorth³. ‘E was always a good boy en dat way, always listen to dose priests way der tings. Me never understand dat too good now, me is an army man all da way troo. Maybe dat was de problem wit ‘im. Dat priest stuff did ‘im no good and make ‘m losse ‘imself. Make ‘im a panzy.

Sees, dis is where I is confoosed. Me no know why you asks so much ‘bout Ongorth. ‘E was a run-e-way. Sure, ‘e gave a’ least seex-ten or so good pillages, but den ‘e leaves de army an’ joins a farm. Why do ‘e do a ting like dat? He wuz a strong war-e-are. ‘E crushed lard arses⁴. ‘E mer-derred big ears⁵. ‘E e’en de-ca-pi-ta-tid a big guy⁶ once. Too much ‘ead for dose big arms. Das da ting wit some of dees guys. Dey get big plans an’ tink dees is da best, an’ since dey so big, no one can stomp ‘em. Den, we sees da plans, an’ dees make no sense. Dere’s no blood, dere’s no monies. Wha’ is dere? Maybe me’s is silly, boot dis stuff dey say ‘bout Ongorth makes me seeck. Wha’ about ‘is peoples? ‘Is brothers? Why he go off an’ join some traitors. (Short pause)

Deys was leevin’ out in da woods. Wha’ is dems guys tinking ‘bout now? Dey leaves us and go off ta be traitors an’ den dey makes a farm unda our mon-ton? Dat sounds stoopid. We beats da big ears out of da trees. We can beats sum no crotch stone wannabe green guys. So, we comes in a’ night wit da black brothers⁷. We real quiet, too, but dose guys, dey wuz redy. Ongorth mi be a panzy, but ‘e got a big ‘ead, ‘member? ‘E was looking out an’ sees us from up in de tree, and yells, "RUN!!!" He know dat da black brothers can slice ‘em up good, no one can stop de black brothers. So, we gotta chase ‘em an’ good ting we bring de big axes.

Well, dose guys tink dey could meese wit us, but we showed ‘im, sure we did. I sunk me axe in de back of one o’ dem priests so far, i’ took me two pulls jus’ to get da ting out. Dems guys tried to farm near our rock, so we stomped ‘em good. I’ wuzn’ as fun as i’ is to stick me axe through a big ear. Kina feel funny when you killin’ anotha green guy. I’ wuz for me peoples, doe, so me could do i’. Some o’ dems got real far ahead, an’ we were a lil’ bit tired ‘bout then so we let ‘em go. Ongorth wuz one o’ dem. He go away, an’ now all dees people wanna know ‘bout ‘im. Good ting me here to tell de story fo’ you, ‘eh? Now, you let me go, right? (Request for more info)

Well me gots one more story for you. We all know guy needs to go out and earn his manly sheet⁸. Now, me, me earn my sheet by going to town, take lard ass and beat’em good til she sew me one. Ongorth, ‘e no do that. ‘E took ‘is needle and tred, and ‘ad one of de women show ‘im ‘ow to make one. Like me says, dat priest stuff make ‘im a panzy. ‘E may be skilled, but still a panzy. ‘N dat means to me dat you’s is a bit stoopid. You should be askin’ ‘bout me. Me is a real green guy war-e-are. Me kills for me land and me people. Me i’ de ‘ero you want. (Paverk is excused)

Notes: 1: Paverk was an orcish captain captured by Falchion troops. 2: 7 years. 3: The orcish belief of faith in the chaotic nature of the world. 4: Halflings. 5: Elves. 6: Ogre. 7: The Black Orc Squadron famous for many victories with very aggressive tactics. 8: A tabbard.