Blackberry came only a little while after LOPPH. I had been so upset, so horrified that I had wanted to surround myself with animals. He came, and left, much more abruptly then LOPPH, but left such a large impact on me. I shall never ever forget him, because of it.
You might think I'd want to run away from cats and kittens after LOPPH, but no. I wanted to be by them, to see that there were animals, kittens, out there that were healthy, and happy. That not all of them were doomed from birth to live out horror.
And it was at the same place I first got LOPPH that I found Blackberry.
He looked like a small healthy kitten. With long grey tabby fur. He crawled weakly to his mother. Begging. But she wallked away and I couldn't understand why. I couldn't.
Until I looked at the small stumbling form more closly/ His eyes were caked in with dirt and mucus till it was like a cap shielding it.
His head, it turned toward me. BLind eyes positioned on me, he walked to me. He begged to be fed. And I picked him up in a shirt. Bundled him up and held him close.
Mother didn't want me to take him. She was too weak for it emotionally, this I knew. But I couldn't leave him to starve, I couldn't.
I cleaned off his eyes. I fed him, I comforted him. He was with us only for less then a week, but I came to know his personality. He was so nice, and small. And healthy.
Then one day we couldn't find the formula. My mom, she I don't know what possessed her, got the goats milk. She couldn't find anything else. But, there were ingredients for a home made formula in a cat book. My mom was weak, and I knew she was trying to turn this kitten into LOPPH. But it didn't work.
The change in milk made the kitten sick. He threw up and wouldn't stop. He wouldn't go to the bathroom, he wouldn't move. For six hours, I had to watch this. My mother was in shock or something. Wouldn't do anything. She just lay on the couch. Not doing anything. Finally she took us to the vet's.
The kitten lay in a small cardboard box. Almost unconcious he was given to the doctors.
And we were told his eyes were deformed, too small. He would never be able to see. He was sick, they didn't know what was wrong.
We was fighting it. He couldn't eat though. He had spasms and his mouth was locked shut tight with mucle contractions.
It didn't look good. Everyone thought he was going to die. The doctors practically knew.
And he was in so much pain. Dear God, they said he was fighting to stay alive. He's try to stay awake. Kick and bring himself upright. But he was in pain. Tremendous pain.
And my mother had to make a decision.
The kitten was put to sleep, and buried next to LOPPH. But funny thing. I felt as sad, but not as bad. I knew he had been saved from so much pain, it was as sad, but somehow better.
The only thing that has ever troubled be, and will continue to haunt me forever, is would he have lived?